Participants:
Series Code: AFH
Program Code: AFH000025S
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00:01 A good father takes time to play.
00:05 He has strong integrity. 00:08 He is someone that is truly dedicated. 00:12 He is not afraid to show his love. 00:16 He is a caring provider. 00:20 And he's a kind spiritual leader. 00:22 These are just a few ways to describe a father's heart. 00:28 Hi, welcome to A Father's Heart. 00:29 I'm your host Xavier. 00:31 And today, we're going to be discussing 00:32 how do restore deadbeat fathers? 00:35 What does it even look like? 00:36 Who is that and how is it defined? 00:38 And with me to talk about that 00:39 are my two good friends Paul and Denry? 00:42 How are you guys today? 00:43 Hey, great. Great to be here again, man. 00:45 Awesome. Can't complain. 00:46 So deadbeat fathers, 00:48 what is that even, how does that define in? 00:51 How do you restore 00:53 something that sounds so negative? 00:56 I think it's good that you asked, 00:58 let's define it first. 01:00 Because there's so much interpretations 01:02 of what a deadbeat father 01:04 as the world view 01:05 mostly is the person that's not financing a child 01:08 or necessarily not there. 01:12 But a deadbeat father can be there physically, 01:17 but just still absent in the child's life. 01:19 So basically, my interpretation of what a deadbeat father is, 01:23 you're not involved, 01:24 actively involved in the growth 01:26 and the development of your child, 01:28 whether emotional, physical, 01:30 just your idea, you don't care, there's no communication, 01:34 just like you can't talk to the dead, 01:36 you can't talk to your father, 01:38 you know, that's my interpretation. 01:40 I think that's a great definition. 01:42 My years working with the courts, 01:44 we actually made a great effort to not use the term. 01:49 So in my communication with the friend of the court, 01:52 and handling, being involved in custody, 01:56 you know, cases and this kind of stuff. 01:58 It was, the labeling was a problem, 02:00 because there are many fathers who are placed under the label 02:05 that are not really guilty of the definition. 02:09 So, for example, 02:11 as it pertains to child payment. 02:15 I'm sorry, I forgot the term. 02:17 But basically, um, yeah, 02:18 when you owe money for child support, 02:21 and you could owe money, 02:23 you could owe money for child support for, 02:26 you know, more than one reason, 02:27 it's not always a direct neglect. 02:30 And there are fathers 02:31 who are making a conscious effort 02:33 to meet that need 02:34 and handle arrears and old payments 02:37 and so on and so forth. 02:38 And they are involved in their children's lives 02:41 this financial, you know, glitch or setback. 02:46 So and they are not fairly receiving that label. 02:52 So this definition, I think, is a good one. 02:55 And it's very important 02:56 that we identify those who are deadbeat 02:59 as those who are not making contributions to their child's 03:03 not just financial welfare, but on cognitive development. 03:08 Now, you could be at home and still be a deadbeat, 03:11 I believe that. 03:12 You know, your only involvement is financially. 03:15 Your child wants to go so, well, you know, just go ahead, 03:18 you know, go ahead and pay for that. 03:19 That kind of relationship 03:21 compared to, hey, let's go 03:22 and let's get involved, let's get involved. 03:24 And I'm glad you mentioned the court, 03:27 because I was labeled as deadbeat dad. 03:31 You know, and I refused to be like that, 03:34 in the sense of, I fought back the court system. 03:38 I said, "I'm going to show you what a deadbeat dad I am. 03:39 I'll go tooth and nail with you guys 03:42 to see how involved I am in my daughter's life. 03:45 You know, and that's, that's the key 03:47 because I've been part of groups, 03:49 and I'm still part of groups for fatherless homes, 03:52 meaning that, not that the dads aren't there, 03:55 but the kids are going through parental alienation. 03:58 You know, the kids are being kept from the fathers 03:59 for whatever reason, 04:01 could be the courts, could be the moms, 04:02 whatever the reason may be, and these fathers, I remember, 04:07 recently, as of last year, 23, excuse me, 04:12 23 fathers committed suicide, 04:15 because they couldn't see their kids 04:17 and they were all called deadbeat dads. 04:19 You know what I mean? 04:21 And what society looks at fathers 04:24 that aren't able to pay child support, 04:27 for whatever reason, maybe it's a system issue. 04:29 You know, fathers are crumbling left and right 04:33 because they're being called deadbeat dads, 04:34 even though that's not the real title. 04:38 It's a system issue. 04:39 And I think I'm glad you made it clear 04:41 because deadbeat fathers, 04:44 I agreed are the ones that really don't care. 04:47 The ones that do not, 04:49 that choose not to want to be there, 04:51 even when odds are, the odds are against them 04:55 because the odds were against me. 04:57 The odds were against me 04:58 and my daughter was a few months old, 05:02 but I fought, I cried, 05:04 and I cried and I literally cried 05:06 not like this metaphorical weeping, 05:09 you know, I cried in there. I was agonizing over that. 05:14 And I said, "God help me. I'm fighting this. 05:17 Take all my money. I don't care." 05:19 Yeah. 05:20 You know, 05:22 because I have built a good relationship 05:24 with the case investigator, with the court, 05:28 everybody, they know my name, like to the point where now, 05:31 if I switch a job, 05:32 I don't even have to write anything into the court. 05:35 The case investigator call, "Hey, Xavier how you doing? 05:38 "Yeah, well, here's the number. Here's the name." 05:40 "Okay. Don't worry about writing anything. 05:42 I'll switch it for you." 05:43 I don't lift a finger. 05:44 And that's what God does 05:46 when you're truly not a deadbeat father. 05:49 He goes ahead 05:50 and changes everybody else's minds around you. 05:52 But have you experienced deadbeat dad? 05:55 Have you dealt with any deadbeat fathers, the real, 05:57 you know what we just talked about 05:58 the ones that did not want to be there. 06:00 Have you dealt with that? 06:02 Many. 06:03 You want to go first? You go first. 06:05 I've dealt with many and from our own conversations 06:07 and our sharing, I think we've kind of both, 06:11 in some sense, experienced that. 06:16 If we should talk about that first up. 06:18 Okay. 06:19 So I've met my dad at about age 15. 06:21 I mean, I was in a date. 06:22 Oh, mercy. 06:24 I met my dad at about age 15. 06:26 I shared before, 06:29 my father was present in my life as a toddler, 06:33 but I don't really have a memory 06:36 of a father-son type relationship, 06:39 because we went to live with my grandma and my mom 06:43 migrated to the US, 06:45 and thereafter my grandma raised me, not my father. 06:48 So I met my father at 15 in Brooklyn. 06:51 And at that time, 06:52 I was very much running the streets 06:56 and gang violence and all that stuff. 06:59 And I remember telling my father when I met him, 07:01 because he needed to stay at our residence, 07:04 our apartment for about two months, 07:07 in transition of getting his own place 07:08 and my mom was courteous enough to let him know that. 07:12 So you haven't been in these kids, 07:13 these children's lives. 07:15 You can't just walk in here, 07:16 so at least give me time to talk to them. 07:19 And we had a little family meeting 07:21 and my mom has basically asked us, 07:22 you know, your dad wants to stay here two months. 07:24 How do you guys feel about that? 07:26 Like, you know, I don't care, man. 07:27 So then when I met him, I told him, 07:28 I said, "Look, if she wants you to stay here. 07:32 Personally, I don't know if I would let you, 07:34 but it's her place so. 07:35 And if she wants to, man, you know, I don't care. 07:38 Sorry, just don't touch my mom, you know, and also told him, 07:41 I hope you're not coming here now 07:43 to try to be like a father 07:45 and give me a bunch of rules and all of that 07:47 because I'm already a man." 07:48 And that's what I said to my dad. 07:52 It's important to understand, 07:54 there may be someone watching this program, 07:58 who has been guilty 07:59 of not being present in their child's life. 08:02 It is never too late to start and to be a parent. 08:07 Children are extremely forgiving. 08:10 Children are extremely forgiving. 08:12 Yes, there are some 08:13 who I guess never get over the hurt and pain. 08:16 But it's, I hate to use the comparison there. 08:19 They're almost sometimes like the love cohesion 08:22 between a pet and a person. 08:26 Dogs especially, 08:27 you can show them a bunch of neglect. 08:30 But once you start showing them, 08:31 treating them with love again, 08:33 they will try to bond that relationship. 08:36 Children are somewhat the same, 08:37 especially as it pertains to father. 08:39 So I want that viewer to understand. 08:42 It's never too late to pray 08:44 and get yourself involved, 08:47 I mean, as terrible as it look. 08:49 I'll give you a short memory reference. 08:54 I'm about 15 in the street with my friends, 08:59 and my dad called to me at some point 09:02 while I came up into the apartment. 09:04 He said, "Son, hey, do me a favor, man. 09:06 Run down over to the bodega out there, 09:08 you know, and I need a New York Post 09:11 and two cans of tuna fish and something else." 09:16 You know if you can get these things 09:17 and I said, "Yeah, " 09:18 and he gives me like $10 or whatever. 09:20 And I take off. 09:21 I pretty much forgot about my dad's request, 09:24 I was hanging with my friends doing what I usually do. 09:27 And then I remembered at some point 09:29 that I promised to get him this stuff 09:30 so I run to the store I get the stuff 09:33 and it's like on my way back 09:35 a neighborhood conflict erupts, a gang fight. 09:40 So now I'm more concerned 09:43 about getting a knife or a pistol or whatever 09:45 and joining my friends 09:47 and dealing with this whoever is trying to intrude 09:49 our territory or whatever. 09:51 We just getting ready to have it out and that, 09:52 and that's where my mind is. 09:55 But I remember I got his stuff, I run upstairs, 09:57 get up to the top, you know, fifth floor, 09:59 whatever we were living, bust the door open, 10:02 run up to my father, said, "Here's your newspaper." 10:04 I just throw his newspaper down the table. 10:06 I put your tuna fish on the table. 10:08 Here's a change." 10:09 And just plod the change, 10:11 stuck my hand in my pocket 10:12 pull out of wad of money and coins, 10:13 popped it in his hand, 10:15 started to run back for them. 10:16 My father said, "Hey, hold on. Hold on, man. 10:18 Wait, wait, hold on, hold on. 10:19 Come here, come here." 10:20 And I thought 10:22 he's calling me back to tell me. 10:23 "My change is short, 50 cents. 10:25 Where my money?" 10:27 I thought he would come with some ridiculous nonsense. 10:30 Father says, "This is mine, puts the quarter. 10:33 This is mine, dollar, $2. 10:35 This is mine, a 10 cents. 10:37 This is yours." 10:38 And he holds up a ganja spliff. 10:41 You guys will say a joint, right? 10:43 He holds up a joint and says that's yours. 10:47 So immediately, of course, I tried to, you know, 10:49 my mind racks. "Yo, what? 10:51 Where you got that from, yo? 10:53 That ain't even," you know, but then he caught me off. 10:57 He just saw me. 10:59 He just all, he said was in a very calm tone 11:01 while I was trying to say it's not mine. 11:03 He said, "Son, look, listen, this is your business. 11:07 I'm not trying to tell you what to do, 11:08 or what not to do in that sense. 11:10 But you mess around with that stuff too much, 11:13 it's going to hurt you." 11:14 He gave it to me. 11:15 That was a turn around, 11:17 continued watching whatever TV program he was watching. 11:19 I put in my pocket went back out 11:21 and got involved with whatever violence 11:23 I was wanting to get involved with. 11:24 But I mean, I remember that. 11:26 And I think 11:27 it was a good effort on his part 11:30 to demonstrate parenting to the ability that he knew, 11:34 in spite of being absent from my life 11:36 for all those years. 11:39 Mercy, man. Wow. 11:40 So did yours call you a son? 11:42 He called you son. 11:44 Yeah, he called me son. 11:46 Most times, he called me Paul. 11:47 Unfortunately, I never got that. 11:48 Yeah. 11:50 And I never got that, 11:51 you know, this is very, very, very touchy. 11:53 Because, you know, last time we did this, 11:56 you know, my father was alive. 11:59 And we spoke about, you know, him, contacting me, 12:02 you know, calling me, 12:04 and, you know, me trying to reach out to him, 12:06 but at times, it would make me upset, 12:09 because the only conversation was about money, 12:12 so he became my dependent, you know. 12:16 Here I am trying to take care of my wife 12:18 and my three children 12:19 and also have another child, which is my father now. 12:23 And so, yeah, yeah, you know, 12:26 which I didn't mind but I was looking for more. 12:29 And I wanted more, 12:31 I wanted to have some conversation. 12:32 I really wanted to know who he was as a father. 12:35 You know, what did he do as a child? 12:37 What did he do as a teenager, blah, blah, blah, and so forth. 12:40 The only thing I know about my father is 12:42 he loved women and he loved alcohol. 12:45 And once in a while, he smoked. 12:47 That's the only thing. 12:50 And then unfortunately, 12:51 between the time, 12:52 last time we talked last year, or whatever, 12:56 and now my father is deceased. 13:00 And what makes it painful, is that, you know, 13:06 I stopped answering his calls. 13:09 I stopped answering his calls. 13:11 I know we talked about my restoration here. 13:14 But instead of me trying to reach out 13:18 and trying to restore something, 13:21 I stopped answering his call. 13:22 Because I always saw his calls as he needed something from me. 13:27 Was he sick? Yeah, he was sick. 13:29 And I had a conversation with my mother 13:30 and she basically, 13:32 you know, I was very upset with my mother, 13:33 but at this point, because she was like, she got involved. 13:36 And she said, "Stop doing that, you know, 13:37 stop, he'd never give you a dime in your life, 13:39 you know, whatever. 13:41 Just stop, you know, stop doing it." 13:43 And I guess being a good son, 13:45 I tried to, I listened to my mom. 13:47 And I stopped, you know, supporting my dad. 13:51 And then six to eight months later, 13:55 my dad dies. 13:57 But what makes it worse 13:58 is the month prior was my birthday. 14:01 And on my birthday, the last voice I heard, 14:05 a voicemail I heard of my dad, and he called me and he said, 14:10 I don't understand why you ignore my calls. 14:12 You know, I just want to call you 14:14 and tell you happy birthday. 14:15 That's the last, 14:17 the last time I heard any voice of my dad. 14:21 Next thing I know, he's dying. 14:24 That I got that call. 14:25 And then they said, "Hey, 14:26 he's going to be on dialysis, blah, blah, blah." 14:28 Three days later, 14:30 I got a call on my anniversary, 14:33 that my dad is dead. 14:35 I mean, 14:37 I didn't think I had emotions pertaining to my dad. 14:40 I didn't. 14:42 I didn't think, I mean, he didn't raise me. 14:44 I mean, was he involved? 14:46 No. 14:48 Can I go see him when I went to Jamaica 14:50 whatever the case may be? 14:51 Yes. 14:52 Can I speak to him on the phone, 14:54 I'll call but like I said 14:55 it was very, very simple conversation. 14:59 Can I have some money or something of that nature. 15:02 And so when my dad died on the way to Jamaica, 15:08 my wife and I driving, 15:10 I was irritated. 15:12 And then I almost pull over to the side of the road. 15:16 And I started bawling, 15:17 I started weeping. I started crying. 15:22 And I'm shocked because I'm like, hold on, 15:24 I don't know this guy for real. 15:26 I really don't know him. 15:28 I was crying two parts. 15:30 I wanted to get to know him. 15:31 And I felt guilty. 15:34 I thought I was the deadbeat son. 15:37 I felt like a deadbeat son. 15:39 I felt guilty for my dad's death. 15:42 I felt to the point 15:43 of I killed my dad 15:45 because I could have helped him. 15:48 All he was asking for was help, 15:50 and because I was angry with him 15:52 for not being my father, right, reaching out to me, 15:55 at least a point I could have learned, 15:57 at least he's reaching out to me. 15:59 At least he's reaching out to me. 16:01 So if I can just talk to sons, deadbeat sons, 16:06 those who do not want to get involved 16:08 in their father's life, 16:09 because you're in your 40s, or your 30s, 16:11 or whatever the case may be. 16:13 I mean, let's think about how Christ took His time 16:16 and waited on us. 16:18 Be involved, give them a chance. 16:19 I mean, they may not be able to play with you basketball, 16:22 whatever, just hear them out, give them a chance. 16:25 We're all humans. 16:26 So if I can just appeal to sons and even daughters 16:31 give your fathers a chance, 16:32 no matter how late it is in their life. 16:35 Absolutely. Absolutely. I can say quickly too. 16:39 The population, 16:41 interacting with that population 16:43 through the court system. 16:44 I heard a lot of their stories. 16:46 And there were those who were clearly negligent, 16:50 and they didn't care, 16:51 you know, 16:53 they were very insensitive relative 16:55 to that whole predicament. 16:56 And there were those who were guilty, 16:58 were guilty with fair explanation. 17:03 Even for some of us who had a prior marriage, 17:08 you know, 17:09 not all marriage relationships 17:11 are a wife comfortable with the husband's interaction 17:17 with a child that was birthed before their marriage. 17:20 Some wives are even upset enough 17:23 that they will not allow 17:25 their husband to have much contact, 17:28 you know, very limited. 17:30 And the end result of that is the appearance 17:34 or the outcome for that child 17:36 is that you're a deadbeat dad. 17:38 While you were at home on your knees 17:40 crying, praying, pleading, 17:42 you know, and then there's the reverse where you, 17:45 you may have a spouse, or you may be by yourself, 17:47 and there's no restriction on your side. 17:50 But the mother of that child 17:52 who is not in the home with you, 17:54 she says, well, you're just going to, 17:55 you're going to give me child support 17:57 till he reached 23, 17:58 you ain't going to never see him, 18:00 you know, whatever. 18:01 I don't care what the court says, you know, 18:02 and she will find a story, 18:04 every time we heard some fantastic stories. 18:07 Well, they will keep coming up with stories 18:09 to make the court not force 18:11 proper supervision or interaction. 18:14 Some people just learn ways 18:15 to get away with things, you know. 18:17 So there's always two sides to it. 18:19 And yes, I concur 100%, give your father a chance. 18:26 If you are that person, if you are that child, son, 18:29 if you were that daughter, 18:30 and you have a father that was not in your life 18:33 or has not been, 18:35 and he is now making that effort, 18:37 or even if it is that you are reaching out to him, 18:40 make the effort, give him the chance. 18:43 It's important. 18:44 I mean, it truly is and how do you, 18:48 how do you restore? 18:50 I don't even know how to word it. 18:53 How do you restore these fathers? 18:57 How do you even begin because you have on one hand, 19:00 you have the ones that are, as we talked about today, 19:03 deadbeat fathers, 19:04 they don't want to do anything to do with their kids 19:06 just because they don't. 19:07 Now you have the other ones that do and are trying. 19:11 But all the odds are stacked against them. 19:14 And those are the ones that are committing suicide. 19:18 So how do you merge the two? 19:20 How do you begin to work 19:22 with both populations of fathers? 19:24 So I had another father. 19:27 And that was my stepfather. 19:29 And the first 10 years or so, 19:32 it was misery for me 19:33 because here I am at nine years old, 19:38 he comes into our life, into my life. 19:40 I'm basically forced to call him daddy. 19:44 He, this is new to him also. 19:46 So we didn't get along for the first 10 years, 19:48 really didn't. 19:49 I mean, we had some face to face. 19:51 We just didn't get along. 19:53 I saw him as a neglectful father 19:55 and he saw me probably as a pest 19:57 or whatever the case may be. 19:59 I mean, we would have some problems in the home, 20:02 this is in the home. 20:04 So he could have been, like a deadbeat in the home. 20:07 But what happened is, after a while, 20:11 I started listening to him, asking him about his story. 20:17 And he would tell me about his childhood, 20:19 and how his father wasn't in his life. 20:22 And when he told me about 20:23 how his biological father was not in his life 20:27 involved in his life, 20:28 and in comparison to what he was trying to do with us, 20:31 I look back and say, "Well, hold on, 20:34 this guy took me out to basketball games. 20:36 We've played basketball together, 20:38 we've had celebrated birthdays together. 20:41 I had a list of things. 20:44 I'm just, he did this, he did this, he did this. 20:47 And I started realize, hold on, 20:49 I never really gave him a chance. 20:52 He was trying to do his best 20:55 from what he got which was nothing. 20:59 But he was trying to make it the situation best. 21:02 And so the restoration part for me 21:05 was by just simply give him the opportunity. 21:09 Now, that's my dad, 21:11 if I have a problem as adult concerned with my marriage 21:15 or children, I call him. 21:17 If I just want to talk, I call him, that's my dad. 21:21 That's my dad. 21:22 And so that's the restoration, giving the person a chance, 21:25 forgive and forget, we're not perfect. 21:27 We're not. Right. 21:29 Absolutely. 21:30 And I mean, 21:31 we may have even within our own church population, 21:33 our congregation, 21:36 fathers who satisfy that definition, 21:38 pastors themselves have to be very careful 21:42 of not being absent or present in terms of material support, 21:48 but absence as terms of that intimate relationship 21:53 and bonding that you need to have with your child 21:56 because we were always gone. 21:58 We were always somewhere else, we always got a greater crisis, 22:01 we always got a life and death situation somewhere else, 22:04 you know, and so on and so forth. 22:06 And so we too have to be careful 22:08 that we not make ourselves void 22:12 of that necessary contribution of parenting. 22:15 But once again, the men's ministry group 22:18 within your church, 22:19 if you don't have one, try to start one, 22:22 you know, because that male bonding 22:25 and that sharing and that support is crucial, 22:28 you know, for another man to sit with you 22:31 and hold hands and pray and say, you know, 22:34 I'm a friend, and I'm going to help 22:36 see you through this. 22:37 I'm going to help pray you through this, 22:40 that is very helpful. 22:41 And I learned the hard way, brother, I have to confess, 22:45 I've had a lot of fights in my life, right? 22:48 Most of my fights I lost 22:50 but the thing was, I stood up and I fought, you know. 22:54 Then in adulthood, 22:56 I adapted this same fighting principle, 22:59 even in a professional sense, 23:01 would be argumentative and all this kind of stuff, 23:03 and I learned the hard way, 23:06 that there are a lot of situations 23:08 I can't win by my brawn, 23:10 my intellect, my cunningness, my determination, 23:14 my poise, and all that kind of stuff. 23:16 Only way I can get through is to get on my knees and pray, 23:20 you know, give it over to God, 23:23 those things that are bigger than you, 23:25 I'm talking about the situations where, you know, 23:27 let's say that the brother's innocent, 23:29 so to speak, 23:30 it says ex that won't let him see the child 23:32 or is his current wife 23:34 that won't let him see the child, 23:35 you know, or whatever other limitations there may be, 23:37 you have got to pray. 23:39 You've got to get on your knees, 23:41 and stay on your knees and pray. 23:43 Get even another brother in the faith 23:46 or the family to pray with you. 23:50 But prayer changes things 23:52 and if the prayer doesn't change the situation, 23:54 certainly it will change us. 23:56 That's so critical, you know, 23:58 and one of my cousins, they shared with me. 24:03 Now they were a great support to me 24:05 when I was going through my, well my custody issues. 24:09 And they told me, you know, 24:11 Xavier, if you know, our daddy, your uncle, 24:14 if he just called us, we don't want anything, 24:19 we don't want anything extravagant from him. 24:22 We just want a phone call. 24:23 Just to call us and see how we're doing. 24:26 He doesn't have to come visit, 24:28 he doesn't even have to come for Christmas. 24:31 He said, "You know if he just call us in." 24:35 Other times we forget about that, 24:37 that a phone call can go a long way. 24:40 Just simple contact, you know, 24:42 and I'm blessed to be part of a group 24:44 called Father's Rights Movement, 24:46 you know, 24:48 advocating the family court system for equal rights, 24:53 because I can't even begin to describe it, 24:57 you know, the emotional trauma that you suffer. 25:01 People think you bring him back as your father, 25:04 but it hurts. 25:06 And I mean, is there anything else you guys 25:09 would like to add, 25:10 any other wisdom from your experiences? 25:13 Yes, just one last thing real quick. 25:16 I just really want to thank those fathers in the church 25:20 and my uncles for stepping in, 25:25 for stepping in the gap. 25:26 I just want to thank 25:28 the pastors that came to my church, 25:30 the elders, and my uncles, they really saved my life. 25:35 You know, they really saved my life, 25:36 these helps and God snatched me out of darkness. 25:41 So I just want to thank them, you know, 25:42 and that's what we need to do, be father figures, you know, 25:47 righteous father figures to those young men 25:49 and young ladies in our churches, 25:51 in our communities. 25:53 Yeah. 25:54 And our fellow brethren 25:55 who are fathers that are not meeting the mark, 25:58 so to speak. 25:59 Mentorship goes far away. 26:01 It's not just to those who are younger, 26:03 but for the at-risk population of fathers that are not fathers 26:08 that are dysfunctional. 26:11 Sharing the big picture does help. 26:14 When I sit down with that person, 26:16 whether this is someone incarcerated, 26:19 or someone that was recently released from jail or such, 26:23 the big picture helps, and that is to let them know, 26:27 look at what your absence is contributing to. 26:31 So I show them the plight of society in general, 26:33 I show them the plight of our race, 26:35 the plight of our culture, the plight of community, 26:38 and say, all these deficits that you can identify, 26:42 this is what you're contributing to, 26:44 you can make that change. 26:46 I appreciate you guys sharing with us 26:48 and wish we had more time, but we don't. 26:50 And for the viewers out there, 26:53 you know, if you are, 26:55 let's say, a deadbeat father, 26:57 because you choose not to be in your child's life. 26:59 Well, guess what? 27:00 Even on your tombstone, you still be a father, 27:03 you'd still be labeled as a father 27:05 and your children will walk a wreckage 27:07 because you're not there. 27:09 So do yourself a favor, step up, 27:11 even if it's just a phone call. 27:13 And for those fathers that are not deadbeats, 27:17 but you're struggling through the system, 27:19 maybe you're struggling spiritually, emotionally. 27:23 You know, it's okay. Don't give up. 27:26 Something that my wife told me is to pray for my ex. 27:29 Did it make sense? 27:30 But I spent many years and by the grace of God, 27:32 we have a great co-parenting relationship. 27:36 And I see my daughter whenever I want. 27:38 But that's only by the grace of God. 27:41 So don't give up hope. 27:42 Don't, they need you, 27:43 don't commit suicide 27:45 because you'll be gone eternally. 27:48 I get choked up thinking about it. 27:50 Please, just hang in there. 27:53 Do yourself a favor, become a father. 27:55 And God bless you. 27:57 Thank you for watching. |
Revised 2020-10-26