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Series Code: BOLS
Program Code: BOLS000055S
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00:00 (Breath of Life Theme Music)
00:07 Sermon #S029 - Stop Babel-ing - (Part 2) 00:20 Welcome to the Breath of Life Television Ministries broadcast with Pastor Debleaire Snell! 00:25 In today's episode, Pastor Snell will share Part Two of the dynamic message titled: “Stop Babel-ing.” 00:33 Now, let's go deeper into the word of God to understand God's vision for our families. 00:41 Pastor Snell: And what I'm saying to us today, 00:42 friends of mine, is we got to get to a place where our battle is not for control, 00:46 it is not for authority, but we fight to out serve, to out submit and out please one another. 00:53 Are y'all hearing me today friends? So I need us to know friends of mine that even as you establish roles, 00:58 that the roles ought to be based on gifts, not just gender. Are y'all here the pastor today? 01:07 [Congregation: Amen] 01:09 Because let's just tell the truth. In every marriage you got one that's a little less financially literate 01:17 and they'll burn through all the money in one day. And sometimes that's the husband 01:24 and you don't put the paycheck in his hand if that's not his gift. Are y'all hearing what I'm saying? 01:29 In other words, there're in every house there are roles, there's going to be one to the kids, that's going to be the law. 01:35 There's another parent that's going to be grace. 01:37 But together the image of God is revealed to those kids as they see law and grace operating for their good. 01:43 And there are building in every home, there's going to be one that don't really care nothing about the house being clean. 01:49 There's going to be somebody that's always up in arms about stuff not being clean. In fact, even though I'm the man, 01:55 I need you to be clear. 01:57 Ain't no sugar in my tank, but when I see a dirty room, man, I'm going to be in there with my vacuum. 02:01 I'm going to be washing something, I'm going to be cleaning something. 02:05 And it's not based on gender is based upon how my mind sees systems and structure and organiza... 02:12 Are y'all hearing the pastor today? Do y'all realize that some of the strongest brothers I know they like to cook. 02:19 [Congregation: Clapping] 02:21 Are y'all? Am I preaching anybody today? Like do you realize Jacob is the father of the nation 02:27 but he got Esau to sell the birthright because he made the best stew anybody ever wanted to eat? 02:35 Are y'all hearing what I'm saying today? And what I'm saying to us today, friends of mine, 02:39 is that we've got to get to a place where we base our roles based upon the gifts God gave, 02:45 not just the gender we were assigned at birth. 02:48 Now I do want to say this, I do believe friends that that husbands are called ultimately to be the head. 02:54 If you agree, let me hear you say amen. 02:56 [Congregation: Amen] 02:57 Now again ladies, before you get mad at this, 02:59 I need you to be clear that the head is not the one husbands that has all authority. 03:04 The head is the one that's held accountable. [laughter] 03:07 [Congregation: That's right] 03:10 No, no, no. That's what the head is. Because even though Eve ate the fruit first and handed it to the man, 03:16 when God showed up in the garden, he didn't say, Eve, where are you? He called for your boy Adam. And so in other words, 03:25 the head is the one that is going to be held ultimately responsible. 03:29 See, I need us to understand what headship is. Headship is the one that takes the blame when it goes wrong. 03:37 See, we want to walk around, be not chest talking about I'm the head, but when it goes wrong, 03:42 we want to do like Adam did and say it's the woman that God put here. Are y'all hearing what I'm saying? 03:48 See, being in head is kind of almost like this. Anybody got siblings in your house? If you're the oldest child, let me hear you. 03:55 See you raise your hand. So being the head is like being the oldest child so that when your parents leave you at home with your 04:01 brothers and sisters, they leave you in charge. They make you the head. But guess what? Even when your little brothers 04:07 and sisters break something or the jobs doesn't get done, they don't come and ask for the brother and sister that broke it. 04:15 They call the name of the one they left in charge. 04:18 [Congregation: Applause] 04:20 And see that's what it means to be the head. It is the one that shares the credit when things go well. 04:26 And here's the one that takes responsibility when things are not as God ordained. 04:33 See, and that's why the Bible in Philippians two says that God gave him a name that is above every name, that the name of Jesus. 04:41 Every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess. Why did Jesus become the head? He became the head. Why of the body. 04:49 He's the head of all things that pertains unto the church. Why? Because he took responsibility. 04:54 He took responsibility when he went to the cross, he is the one that jumped in front of the judgment. He is the one that says, 05:03 I'll take the penalty. He is the one that says put the transfer of sin on me. And understand that you can't be the head. 05:12 Whether that's you are willing not just to stand in front of the altar, 05:16 you are not the head until you're willing to lay on the altar 05:20 [Congregation: Applause] 05:22 And make sure that there's a sacrifice so that everybody can be saved though. Y'all hearing me today friends? 05:27 Second thing this teaches us, and if I can shift to my singles for just a moment, 05:34 that when it comes down to what you're evaluating, you've got to let communication break the tie. 05:46 In other words, friends, the success of their endeavors hinge upon their ability to communicate. 05:54 As long as in Babel they were able to communicate, everything went good. But as soon as they lost the ability to communicate, 06:01 guess what? 06:04 Everything went chaotic and turned into a disaster. And see what God does. Friends of mine is he sabotages the language. 06:10 See friends, y'all got to kind of see in your mind's eyes the chaos that now takes place on this work site. 06:15 Once God sabotages the language, see what happens. Somebody asks for a screwdriver, but then somebody hands them some pliers, 06:24 somebody's asking for some concrete and somebody's handing them a bale of hay. Somebody is instructed to go and paint the wall, 06:31 but then somebody's against the wall drilling a hole in the wall. 06:35 Because even though they have tools, they can't build nothing because they can't communicate. 06:42 [Congregation: Amen] 06:44 And the reason I'm saying this singles is that society is always telling you to just evaluate their tools, 06:50 evaluate what they're working with, investigate what they're utilizing. 06:56 But I need you to know it doesn't matter what they're working with if they can't communicate. 07:02 And it's crazy because see, too often our brothers will make all of their evaluations based upon what she's working with physically. 07:11 But I need you to understand that you've got to evaluate more than what she's working with. 07:17 You got to evaluate how she's able to communicate. In other words, it's cool to have your preference. 07:23 There ain't nothing wrong with that. But let's be clear, the complexion of her skin, the size of her bust, 07:29 the length of her hair ain't going to keep you when your world turns upside down. 07:34 [Congregation: Applause] 07:36 In other words, you got to be asking yourself, does she know what to say in a crisis? 07:40 Does she add calm when there is chaos? Does she know how to speak with respect? Does her words build or do they tear down? 07:49 Does she know how when to speak up and when to be still. Verbally is she vaccine or is she virus? 07:59 [Congregation: Applause] 08:00 Are y'all hearing what I'm saying today? 08:02 And see, the problem is we focus so much on what she's working with physically. 08:06 When the truth is that if it comes down to pretty or respect, let respect break the tie. 08:12 If it comes down to attraction or attitude, let communication break the tie. 08:17 And brothers, this is the key. The girl who is the one is not just the one you like looking at. 08:24 It's the one you like listening to. 08:27 [Congregation: Clapping] 08:29 In other words, it's not the one you like touching, it's the one you want to stay in touch with. 08:33 It is that girl that is your best friend. You like being around her. You can talk to her all night. 08:40 The one that's going be with you is not just the one you like looking at. 08:46 It's the one you like li... Am I preaching anybody married folk today? 08:50 Because how many of us know Proverbs 31 says that Charm is deceitful, beauty is fading. 08:56 But a woman who fears the Lord shall be praise. Because see, this is the crazy thing about looks that that a woman you enjoy 09:05 becomes even more attractive when you like talking to her. 09:11 But when you can't communicate with her, all that pretty goes out the window. Are y'all hearing me today friends? 09:17 [Congregation: Laughing] 09:19 In other words, sisters, when you're evaluating, don't just look at what he's working with physically or financially. 09:26 You got to ask, can that brother communicate? 09:35 In other words, because you realize, sister, you going to be nurtured and fed through communication. 09:41 That's what's going to keep you when you've been married 35 years. Because understand that them little abs, 09:47 they going to be sagging into jello. Am I preaching to anybody today? Are y'all hearing what I'm saying? 09:53 [Congregation: Clapping] 09:55 And so you got to begin asking yourselves the question, is the greatest strength in his biceps or in his triceps? 10:00 Or does he know what to say? Do his words have wisdom. Do his words bring comfort, are his words timely? 10:08 And even though he tends to be left brain in his thinking, can he cross the street emotionally 10:13 and not just talk on the level of facts and data? 10:17 But can he talk on the level of feelings and emotion? Can he say, I'm sorry, can he say I'm wrong? 10:24 Can he say I love you? Does he know how to express himself when he gets mad? 10:30 Does he go off or is he calculating so that his words don't destroy you, but his words build you even when things get hard? 10:42 In other words, friends of mine, you got to ask yourself the question, do you have a relationship? 10:47 Are you connected when you are not touching? 10:53 And listen, him being a good provider is good. You ought to look for that. But if he can only provide, 10:58 but he can't communicate, you going to be the loneliest, 11:01 most miserable housewife with your nice house in your nice car who's disconnected from her partner. 11:07 Are y'all hearing what I'm saying? And the reason I'm focusing on communication friends is this 11:14 Is because lust starts with the eyes, but love happens in the ears. It is what they have to say. 11:26 It is conversation that carries the day. Do you realize brothers, your wife, she can't just be your subject or your toy, 11:32 she needs to be your best friend. 11:35 She needs to be the one you like doing life with that you ought to enjoy talking with her across the dinner table each 11:41 and every day. You need somebody's sister that after you come home from a long day and life has worried you 11:47 and life has overwhelmed you, you need somebody that is emotionally available 11:53 and can make that make a contribution outside of baby what we eating for dinner tonight? 12:00 [Congregation: Laughing] 12:02 So when it comes down to pretty or communication, let communication break the tie when it comes down to he got a car 12:13 or communication, let communication break the tie. When it comes down to handsome or communication, 12:20 let communication break the tie. You've got an heir on the side of that which is going to last. 12:28 So what God says is I'm going to cause Babylon to scatter and friends of mine, it wasn't just, see, 12:35 the issue wasn't just that they could not communicate. You see, the larger issue friend is that they cared. 12:45 Babel, they were infested in what they were building. 12:51 They wanted to build something together. They were determined to see the structure come the past and understand that if they did 13:00 not care, God confounding the speech would not have really been such a great deal. 13:05 But because they cared about being able to build something, once the communication was lost, 13:10 they would literally begin to get in arguments and fights because they cared so much about what they were building. 13:17 And when they lost the ability to be able to communicate, what happened was chaos, confusion, war in strife 13:24 because they wanted to build it. They just couldn't communicate it. 13:30 And whenever you've got care without communication, you going to always have chaos. 13:38 [Congregation: Amen] 13:40 Because see what baby love says. Well, you know, we don't really have to have communication. 13:43 We don't have to have this. We ain't got to have spirituality. All we got to have is love. 13:50 Love is good, but if you can't communicate it, I need you to know that love will turn against you. 13:58 It'll turn you against one another if you can't communicate. Are y'all hearing me today friends? 14:05 And so what I want to do is I want to give you some action steps before I close. 14:09 I want to just give you a few action steps before I take my seat. 14:11 See friends of mine as we grow together both in marriage and in dating, the first action step I want to share with you 14:14 before I'm seated, is I want to encourage you to prioritize communication. Somebody say prioritize it. 14:22 See, I want to just give some brief action steps in the household of faith. 14:26 I want to encourage every couple to make sure that you spend at a minimum 30 minutes of uninterrupted conversation with one another. 14:37 I need to go preach out of town. I don't know where y'all at today. 14:43 [Congregation: Laughing] 14:44 I mean no, no, no. Am I preaching to unbelieving folk? 14:46 Listen, the pastor is saying that we ought to spend at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted communication with one another. 14:54 And what I mean when I say this, I'm not talking about 30 minutes watching a movie. 14:57 I'm not talking about 30 minutes playing video games. 15:00 I'm talking about where there is an interface where you are sitting across from a meal where you're sharing thoughts 15:06 and ideas and visions and dreams. You see friends of mine. There's this whole thing that I hear people say. 15:12 They say, pastor, we just drifted apart. 15:16 Do you realize that what keeps you united and connected is a steady stream of communication where there's a time where you 15:25 put all of your devices in time out and you allow one another to be the center of your attention. 15:34 Are y'all hearing me today friends? And it's crazy because I want to say to the brothers, we got to prioritize communication. 15:40 Come on and say amen. Stay with the pastor today because you realize that our ladies are fed by communication, right? 15:49 There is always going to be discord if there is no communication. It's crazy. 15:53 Like even in my house, I have two boys and I have a girl. And it's crazy because like me and my boys, 15:57 we can be chilling in the room. We can just be just maxing and relaxing. We watching the game, we're playing the video game. 16:03 Ain't nobody talking. We focus on the screen and ain't nobody mad about it. 16:07 [Congregation: Laughing] 16:10 We working, we're playing about, we're doing something and our attention can be diverted to something else. And we are straight. 16:15 But even though my daughter's going to be in the room after a while, she's going to put down that joystick after a while, 16:19 she's going to get in front of the TV. But wow, that girl is going to get right in my face. 16:25 [Congregation: Laughing] 16:26 And she's going to require some conversation, some up close and personal time. 16:32 I am not going to be able to stay in relationship with her as long as my attention is focused on something else. 16:39 Are y'all hearing what I'm saying? Our ladies are wired that way. And it's crazy because there's a great book. 16:47 His needs, her needs. Ashanti Feldman. She said it this way husbands, and it helped me to understand it. 16:52 She says that for a woman talking is like breathing and a lack of communication is equivalent to suffocation. 17:03 And and she put it in a way that we could understand it. She says, husbands, she says, 17:07 the same release you get through intimacy is the same release they get through conversation. 17:14 And there are times friends of mine where we're mad because we're saying she needs to increase her our bedroom libido. 17:20 What we need to increase is our emotional libido, our communication libido. And when we increase on that end, 17:28 everything we need is going to fall in place. Are y'all hearing me today? 17:33 Second action step I want to say about communication I want to say to the church is this, 17:37 I need you to know that there is nothing self-explanatory. 17:48 Okay. Let me just say this. Everything you consistently think, 17:56 but never say gives the enemy an upper hand to sabotage the unity of your home. 18:05 And what I'm saying to us today, friends of mine, is we got to get to a place where we don't under communicate. 18:10 I need you to know in a blessed home, we over communicate. In other words, sisters, 18:19 don't make him audition to see how sensitive he is by making him read your mind. 18:28 [Congregation: Laughing] 18:30 He can't see nothing past that TV on the wall. Are y'all hearing what I'm saying? 18:34 [Congregation: Clapping] 18:37 Don't make him guess. Don't leave him in the dark If there is an issue, if it's causing something's causing the fester. 18:42 If there is a resentment that is building, you've got to open up your mouth, young wive, 18:47 find your voice and communicate what you stand in need of. 18:55 Husbands we've got to find a way to find out how to be a little bit more expressive with how we feel. 19:02 Amen. Come on, say amen brothers, don't leave me by myself. 19:07 [Congregation: Laughing] 19:09 I will switch sides with the quickness and see, when we talk about being expressive, 19:15 I'm not talking about changing the way you think I'm saying just release what you're already thinking. 19:23 So, that, you know, women need to hear I love you. They need to hear you pretty, 19:31 they need to hear that you still find attraction for them. 19:34 Now it's crazy because this was something that had to be a long time learning lesson for me because in my mind, 19:40 why do I need to say that 19:44 I married you and so my wife would say, yo, do you think I'm beautiful? I'm like, yeah, I think that all the time. 19:51 I feel like I'm one of the luckiest cats on the planet. I have the baddest chick on my arm whenever I walk into a room. 19:57 That's what I'm thinking. But what I had to do was release the seal from my lips to be able to say what I'm thinking. 20:07 And there are some of us that in our hearts, we, we appreciate them in our hearts. We think they're beautiful in our hearts. 20:13 We admire them in our hearts. 20:15 But I need you to know there'll always be a misunderstanding until you release what you are thinking and give expression to it. 20:23 Are you hearing what I'm saying? 20:25 [Congregation: Clapping] 20:27 Don't make them have to guess. Don't make them have to wonder because if they're asking you, 20:34 it's because there's already a deficit and see friends of mine, this is why we've got to be expressive with certain things. 20:41 What we want to avoid, and we talked about this when we talked about infidelity the other day. What we got to avoid both husbands 20:47 and wives is this threshold where most of our communication or the only thing we express is correction or negativity. 20:59 See, I need you to know that you've reached a dangerous and volatile point when at least 60% of your communication is corrective 21:05 or critical in nature. And I need you to know friends that there is a dynamic you have to avoid. 21:13 There is a dynamic where husband and wife is always telling them what they do wrong, what they, how they mess up, 21:18 what they're not doing. And somebody's on the job and saying, man, I wish there was more good men like you, man, 21:24 I wish there was a woman like you that would stand by my side. 21:26 See, you got to avoid the dynamic of saying how awful they are when somebody's saying how great they are. 21:33 Are y'all hearing what I'm saying? We got to show value and appreciation and we don't need to leave anything unsaid. 21:42 And part of this friends is we got to have conversations, especially hard ones in the right season. 21:50 You know what the Bible says? The Bible says, don't even let the sun go down while you're angry. 21:57 Because when you do, you give a foothold or place to the devil. 22:03 Ain't it crazy how like, man, you can go to sleep mad about one thing, but then you wake up mad about 10 things. 22:12 [Congregation: Laughing] 22:15 And the funny thing is that when you got seven or eight things that have built up over time because it's not been communicated, 22:19 because it's not been said, because it's not been stated, do you realize that even by the time you address it, 22:24 you can never get to a place of resolution because you don't even know what you arguing about. 22:29 You started out talking about the toilet seat, but really the underlying issue is the fact that when you got your hair did, 22:35 he didn't notice it and he ain't saying nothing about it. 22:38 [Congregation: Clapping] 22:41 Are you hearing what him saying today? You got to make sure you prioritize conversation and that you don't leave anything unsaid. 22:47 Third thing is you got to speak one another's love language. 22:51 [Congregation: Amen] 22:52 Amen. All of us have a love language. We all have a love language. 22:57 There are five of them that Gary Chapman talks about that there are words of affirmation, there are gifts, 23:03 there's quality time, there's physical touch there is a ti... Everybody has a love language. 23:09 And you know what the problem with humanity is? Is that we always like to give love the same way we receive it. 23:17 But I need you to know that you've got to identify your partner's love language 23:21 and you've got to pour into the language they speak 23:26 because it doesn't matter how hard you try to bless them according to the way you like to be loved. 23:32 Because remember we talked about in communication what doesn't matter is what my intent is not What wins the day is what I actually 23:40 communicate. 23:42 So that if I'm itching on my shoulder and you scratch me on my leg, you don't help me, you actually offend me. 23:51 You've got to scratch where the itch is. Are y'all hearing me today? Listen I know it's late, but this is where I wanted to get. 23:57 Listen, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. I'm done-ish. No, I'm just kidding. 24:02 [Congregation: Laughing] 24:06 Now some of you going to turn me off on this, but in order for you to have effective unity and communication, 24:13 this is it. Help me holy spirit. Do you know what you need to be praying for? You need to be praying for the Holy Ghost. 24:21 [Congregation: Clapping] 24:26 See Louis, somebody's listening to say, and they check it out. 24:29 Now listen, say, oh pastor here, you're always trying to spiritualise. No, the issue is not that I'm spiritualizing. 24:34 And the issue is that you don't have no spiritual eyes. 24:37 [Congregation: Clapping] 24:40 In order to learn how to communicate effectively, you ought not just be praying for word selection or word choice. 24:48 Your greatest prayer ought to be asking God, give me the power of the Holy Ghost. Why are you saying that Pastor? 24:57 Do you realize that at Babel what God did was he scattered them by confounding the language? 25:04 But do you realize that the solution for Babel was Pentecost? 25:10 Do you realize that when the day of Pentecost had fully come and the Holy Spirit fell with cloven and tongues of fire, 25:22 what would happen is that the Holy Ghost would become the translator of foreign languages so that when Peter stood up 25:32 and spoke in a Hebrew tongue, 25:35 the Holy Ghost would catch it in the air translated so that everybody would hear the word in their own language? 25:46 In other words, the Holy Ghost is our Rosetta Stone. 25:51 And what I'm saying to somebody, if the Holy Ghost could make strangers understand one another, 25:59 can't the Holy Ghost make a husband understand his wife? He can make a wife understand their husband, 26:06 he can make children understand their parents. He can make a nephew understand the uncle you are praying for money, 26:14 you are praying for things. But do I have seven or eight saints that are saying I want to get rid of Babylon in my life 26:22 and the ray I get rid of, Babel is praying for Pentecost? 26:27 Holy ghosts come down in my life. Holy ghosts, break up the confusion. Holy ghosts, send out the chaos. 26:37 Holy ghosts bring oneness and unity. Holy ghosts put us on the same team. 26:43 You see, the job of the Spirit is not just to make you laugh and run in church, 26:49 but it brings opposite sides and puts them together. 26:53 And do I have somebody that's going to go home and rebuild a family altar? 26:58 And before you get the Christmas, you are not saying, give me a car, give me more stuff. 27:05 You are saying give me your spirit! Are y'all hearing the word today? 27:14 Hello, family, this is Pastor Snell. Speaker/Director of the Breath of Life Television Ministry. 27:20 Last year, we released our newest book entitled Get Unrealistic, where we talked about the power of Radical Faith. 27:28 You joined us on the journey and you were richly blessed. And there are a number of you who reached out and said, 27:34 we want to make this resource available to our office staff, to my family, to our ministry group, 27:41 to our book club, to our elders board, or to our church. 27:44 I want you to know that we've created an opportunity for you to order the book in bulk. 27:49 So if you go to our website at breathoflife.tv, you can order the book in bulk. 27:55 As we enter into this new year. We don't want to go back to being realistic. 27:59 We want to continue to get unrealistic. 28:04 (Breath of Life Theme Music) 28:42 [END] |
Revised 2023-02-06