Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), C.A. Murray
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00029A
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00:11 Hi! I'm C. A. Murray, welcome to season number three of
00:14 Celebrating Life in Recovery. 00:16 Now you have heard them talk about reality television, 00:20 well this is real life television. 00:22 This is television raw, this is television as it is 00:26 lived, this is life changing television. 00:29 Stay by, stay with us! 00:30 Season three of Celebrating Life in Recovery is 00:34 ready to come to you! 01:03 Welcome back! First of all I have to say this, because I 01:08 never get to say this to anybody. 01:09 Does it seem cheesy when you do that open? 01:11 Because it does to me sometimes, because I do an open 01:14 it does seem a little bit dry. 01:15 Now talking about cheesy, I need to say something to you 01:17 before you get rolling because it is hard to believe we 01:21 are in our 3rd season. 01:22 I know - that we've gone this far this fast. 01:24 It's amazing it's been an amazing journey, the 01:26 feedback absolutely is incredible. 01:29 Yeah but I want to thank you for being transparent, 01:32 you know and for leading us through this. 01:35 It's a whole new kind of a thing for us and we tape 01:39 bunches of shows together - you know I only have 2 01:41 brain cells so I can't be anything but, do you know that? 01:44 But what is incredible about this whole experience is 01:47 because I have written three books, and they kind of deal 01:50 with a lot of this subject matter and I never go back to 01:51 them because it's kind of tough re-reading lives that have 01:55 been torn apart and put back together. 01:57 And we relive this through you each time, and after 2 02:01 weeks of doing show after show after show 02:03 the crew is like whoa. 02:05 It takes up so much oxygen that you need to regroup and 02:09 just thank you for having the strength to re-visit your own 02:13 past, and your own road to recovery, and then 02:16 taking us on that journey. 02:17 Because it has been a fantastic journey and we have had 02:20 2 excellent seasons and we haven't seen nothing yet 02:24 really, we really haven't seen anything yet because 02:26 I have no idea. 02:28 First of all I want to talk about why chose the book I 02:30 chose this season, every season we've had a book. 02:33 Steps to Christ, the Coming of the Comforter, with 02:36 the Holy Spirit and this season I've got a book called 02:38 Exalting His Word. 02:39 The reason I got this with my friend Shelly Quinn is because, 02:41 I realize that sometimes in recovery we step into recovery 02:45 and we think we know what 02:47 our issues are, we know what our junk is, and 02:49 I think that unless really get into the Word of God and see 02:53 God's take on who we are that our heart is still deceiving us. 02:56 We're still rationalizing stuff, I can pretty much 02:59 still do this, I can lie a bit, I can do this a bit, 03:02 and God is saying, you know what, get into the Word. 03:04 You literally will see what I mean by recovery and when 03:08 He shows us, that I'm like, really! 03:10 So not even exaggerating, and God says, 03:13 no exaggerating is actually lying. 03:15 I'm like, but God it is more fun, and He is just saying 03:19 you know what in this part of your recovery, as you 03:21 journey into that, is that I'm getting into the Word of 03:25 God, not because I am going to give you more brownie points 03:27 of what you do, not because I'm somehow thinking this is 03:30 what you do because I said so. 03:32 He said it literally will reflect your damage and you 03:35 will come to Me more honestly. 03:36 And so this season is about coming to God in a more 03:39 honest way - yeah, yeah I really like that. 03:41 You know the text that comes to mind is 03:43 Jeremiah 17:9, I'll take a second to read it. 03:45 "The heart is deceitful above all things and 03:47 desperately wicked, who can know it?" 03:49 You know when you get a glimpse of that God just says 03:52 let me to show you a little bit. 03:53 And I'm just thinking man, man is that me? 03:55 And He is like absolutely - yeah - and you are thinking 03:58 absolutely are you kidding me? 04:00 He kisses you on the face because He doesn't want you to 04:01 feel bad - right - but He says don't get too carried 04:04 away with yourself because you can deceive yourself and 04:09 not even know it. 04:10 We had a professor in college who used to say this all 04:12 the time, and I didn't get it then, I understand it now. 04:14 He would say that as bad as that is to breathe 04:18 secondhand smoke, it is worse to blow smoke up your own nose. 04:22 And he would say that all the time and I would think 04:25 what is this guy talking about? 04:26 I love that - but it is a good statement as bad as it 04:28 breathe other's smoke, to play games with your own 04:33 mind, to poison yourself, you have got to be real. 04:35 Because the Lord knows you, and you have said this over 04:38 and over, and God knows your junk so why play games with 04:40 your own head because God knows. 04:41 Okay so saying that, and you said in a cheesy tease, 04:45 that you said how raw this show was. 04:48 So somebody called and said you should interview so and 04:52 so and I said okay. 04:53 All of a sudden I realize, so and so is a Strip Club Owner. 04:57 Well with my background, and a sister still locked in 04:59 that lifestyle, she just ended up in ICU after a 3rd 05:03 DUI and all that kind of stuff. 05:05 And she is in the business and I am looking at this 05:07 Strip Club owner, and I do not want to interview him. 05:09 All of a sudden I am realizing I'm not feeling good about this. 05:13 I literally could not get beyond it and when I came in 05:17 and I went to meet him here at the studio. 05:19 Hi my name is Cheri and I'm going to shake his hand, 05:22 literally in a spiritual sense I felt my hands around 05:25 his throat and wanted to say to you realize the damage 05:28 you have done, are you truly in recovery because if 05:30 you're not don't play me. 05:32 I was just so, and people around me, you guys have not 05:35 seen me angry and I am literally feeling that. 05:38 So J. D. comes, and he's like let's pray, so we are praying 05:43 and I was able, through the prayers of my friends in the 05:48 studio and through my own relationship with God is to 05:51 allow God to process that with me and this owner, but He did it 05:55 on the show with the cameras on, and both of us really 06:00 stepped into our healing in different way. 06:02 So I am going, I'm going to show you some of the 06:05 shows for this season. 06:06 So Michael Ehm is a Strip Club owner, so we are 06:09 going to talk about him. 06:10 Lemuel Vega, who had been in prison, was just basically 06:16 a bad guy and really has been through some stuff and now 06:20 he is just doing an amazing thing. 06:21 The 3rd person I want to show on this particular clip 06:24 is Mark and Luke, and I want to see these clips because 06:31 the show is very raw and what we did this season, 06:33 through the power of God was absolutely, it surprised me 06:37 how much we covered in how honestly it was covered. 06:41 Alright! 06:44 You know I felt like hey I could make this work. 06:46 So then one day my mother was in the grocery store, and 06:52 she always had a put back the grocery she couldn't 06:54 really afford, like the extra things I mean. 06:56 She would get the bread and the things that she needed, 06:59 the necessities and if there was enough money left she 07:00 would by these few things. 07:01 One day I was able to give my mother some money and said 07:04 here mom buy it all. 07:06 And she said where did you get the money son? 07:08 I said mom I worked for it, and at that young age in my 07:12 life I thought that if I could have enough money, money 07:15 would take care of the problems for the car, the house. 07:17 Money would fix life's problems and you know what by the 07:21 time I was 18 years old I had thousands of dollars. 07:23 And my dad was right, he always said son if you don't 07:26 straighten up he said your going to be in prison by the 07:29 time you are 18 years old. 07:30 I had to cry at 18 years old, I had to cry and 07:33 look through that little window and my dad was sitting 07:36 on the other side. 07:37 I said daddy you are right, and I said I'm sorry. 07:40 So through all that, our lives are so messed up, unmanageable 07:44 It's pretty dark, very dark and I survive in this thing 07:48 because I'm going through the money because I'm always 07:50 told what you could you do with your days off? 07:52 I can fly here - and I literally watched as a girl killed herself 07:55 and the club owner says who's going to fill her shift? 07:58 Yeah - and I just wanted to stop and say, does anybody 08:01 care that she just killed herself? 08:03 I was just so hurt and it was all about who is going to 08:06 fill her shift because we need to have this many girls 08:08 on at this shift - Yeah! 08:09 Yeah and you had to stick to that amount girls 08:11 and if you go lower you go higher, you go too high the 08:14 girls complain, and if they don't have enough, 08:16 and the owners complain. 08:17 And I really appreciate that too, I have had girls that 08:20 have died in my club too. 08:21 From overdoses, or people that have stalked them and 08:24 killed them, from boyfriends that have assassinated them. 08:26 It really grieved my heart and I think that through 08:31 death the Lord used that because as I got involved with 08:34 these clubs, and worked in them. 08:36 Things got darker for me and I started participating in 08:40 very illicit type sex - right. 08:45 And I remember opening the door of the truck and I did 08:48 want to look back because I knew it was going to be bad 08:50 because we had moved. 08:52 And I turned by head and the car had been pushed up 08:54 beside us the roof was tore off on the driver's side and was 08:59 sticking up in the air. 09:00 I walked back there, picked up the liner, the headliner 09:04 of the car and the 3 girls were in there. 09:08 You can see them - yes and nobody was moving. 09:12 Then they asked is anyone hurt and I stopped for a 09:16 second and thought, you know what I haven't even seen 09:18 the car were my wife and mom were riding in. 09:21 I thought I don't know so, and she said that was fine 09:25 emergency crews are on their way. 09:27 So I hung up and to get to the U-Haul's since there was 09:30 a big pile up behind as I had to crawl under the semi 09:33 trailer that we been hit into. 09:34 When I got on their side I saw the car and it didn't 09:40 really look like a car I mean it was just so destroyed. 09:46 Oh wow powerful! You know I had an opportunity to 09:49 interview Mike Ehm, he was here some months ago and I 09:52 caught that interview - I bet you were nicer to him? 09:55 Yeah I was - I was not very nice at first - but what 10:00 you approached it from an entirely different place. 10:02 We were just trying to get his story out because 10:04 it is a powerful story. 10:05 But you, again Celebrating Life in Recovery, you dealt more 10:09 with the damage of being in that lifestyle, the damage 10:12 inflicted on yourself, and the damage you inflicted on others. 10:14 Where we talked more specifically about the healing 10:17 in the history, and you dealt with the nuts and bolts of 10:21 what that stuff does to people. 10:22 It was huge - powerful stuff - and what was so amazing 10:25 to me, about presenting those 3 stories, is that God 10:30 literally, with Michael and the Strip Club owner. 10:33 That morning in my own devotions, I'm doing this whole 10:36 study on forgiveness, not realizing that God is setting 10:39 me up so I can forgive him in the studio, on that program. 10:44 I'm thinking God how cool are you, I did even realize I 10:47 had that much animosity still in me for the damage that 10:50 was put on me while I was homeless. 10:52 So it was just amazing. 10:54 We did another show, and it got us say another group 10:59 that came in, some friends of mine came in from LA. 11:01 One is a stripper and she found God and literally, she 11:05 finds God and steps into recovery and she is full of joy. 11:08 We also had Shannon, that's were John From Every Woman's Battle 11:11 talking about sexual addictions and coming out of that. 11:14 She was so strung out sexually, I mean she was so strung out. 11:19 Not even realizing it she gets married to a guy that is 11:22 normal, I mean to say normal he was like a virgin when they got 11:25 married, I didn't think that any one was still doing that. 11:26 And I know that they are, - or not doing that - but you 11:30 know, are not doing that whatever. 11:31 She talks about her coming from acting out horribly and 11:36 her husband coming from a place where he has saved 11:38 himself for her, and had God walked them into healing. 11:41 She was amazing and then we had a gay pastor that 11:46 literally came out of the lifestyle and was so blessed 11:50 by God that he works with other men that are coming out 11:53 lifestyle which - that's why this is so important. 11:56 We've talked bout every man's problem, and when you 12:00 think about sexual addiction and those kind of things 12:02 you think Guy, Guy, Guy, Guy, Guy. 12:04 That has been sort of dealt with but here we find out that 12:07 this is not just a male issue, we see that it's a female 12:11 issue too, a human issue. 12:13 After we did the last season where we had Fred Stoeker 12:15 on with Every Man's Battle, women were e-mailing me and 12:18 calling me up and saying what about us? 12:20 Not realizing that we are in the sexualized society, we 12:23 show on the media and how we have programmed ourselves 12:26 to respond visually. 12:27 We are creating the same kind of sexual addiction in 12:30 women that we have in men because of the visual thing. 12:33 Women's sexual addiction from the past, 12:36 is literally being tweaked a little bit and becoming similar 12:38 to men's addiction and so 12:40 to cover that was absolutely huge, but to step out 12:44 and cover that I am, I'm a little bit afraid. 12:46 God is saying please don't be afraid because we need to 12:49 heal, and so watch these you are going to be blessed. 12:56 After a few years the fireworks don't pop anymore when 12:59 he kisses me and it just becomes normal. 13:01 Well I didn't know what normal felt like, to me normal 13:03 felt like it's over you must not really be my soul mate. 13:07 Right - that I must married the wrong person. 13:09 I had no idea that we weren't burning out, we were 13:13 really just warming up here. 13:14 One thing that did seem to be predictable unfortunately, 13:17 was set there was this thread of sexual abuse throughout my life. 13:21 I was exposed to pornography at 3 years old, and 13:23 molested by multiple people, men and women, 13:27 and raped as a teenager. 13:29 It just really took its toll on me because I internalized it. 13:33 I thought I blamed myself like a lot abused victims do 13:37 and I just thought that something must be wrong with me 13:39 because how do I keep ending up in the situations? 13:42 How do I keep drawing these sort of people into my life, 13:45 so I really dealt with a lot of blame and a lot of shame 13:47 and didn't talk about it. 13:48 She's like no, no, no you can't take me home, I'm 13:50 like I'm taking you home, there is no way you're going to walk. 13:53 So she gets in the car with me and we drive to downtown 13:55 and before I know it we are on skid row. 13:57 Which is the worst part in LA, like you know the worst - 14:00 I've been there - yeah, so you know it's awful. 14:03 So we are down there my heart is breaking inside. 14:06 She said that's mine that's mine on the corner but can 14:08 you drop me here, which is like 3 blocks back. 14:10 I said no, no, no all park my car and a walk you in, and 14:13 just with this look on her face, she was just humiliated 14:15 like please, please just drop me off. 14:18 I felt terribly guilty - all the time - oh I just 14:24 didn't know anyone like me. 14:26 I felt like was the only one in the world, I knew better. 14:30 I had never met anyone else that was struggling with 14:33 what I was struggling with. 14:35 I never knew who I could talk to so I didn't, I just 14:39 totally internalized and that was my demise spiritually. 14:43 Now had I at 4 years old had been able to go to my 14:46 parents and tell what happened, they could have assured 14:49 me that I was okay - and that shame would have been 14:52 laid on you - that's right. 14:53 I could've been healed at the age of 4 and could have 14:57 had a normal life, I believe. 14:59 That was a step, there are many factors involved it's 15:02 not any one thing, but that was a step. 15:07 Well Cheri will we think of a possible afflictions and 15:11 addictions that humanity has, we never think that our 15:14 pastor could be suffering from this kind of thing, 15:17 because we kind of put them on a pedestal and we want 15:20 them be pure, yet they are humans and they come from a 15:22 real world with real problems. 15:24 Do you know what is really amazing to me is that the more I 15:27 get into Ministry the more that if I allow, because you're 15:30 like my boss, you know what I love that, because you 15:32 are so incredible with that. 15:33 But if I allow you to be human, you are not 15:36 going to trip up as easy. 15:38 You know I think if I put you on a pedestal and I don't 15:40 allow you to make mistakes, and I don't allow you to say 15:43 you know what I'm having a bad day or whatever, is that 15:45 you are going to trip up easier. 15:47 So I am really learning that even if it is a pastor, 15:51 that is a pastoral gift let them be accountable to you, 15:54 let them have issues that they struggle with, but the 15:57 fact that they will walk through them honestly is incredible. 16:00 If they don't share were somebody there are going 16:02 to trip up and get themselves in trouble. 16:03 I think they would be worthy of more respect when you 16:06 realize that they are also fighting their own demons, 16:09 and fighting them successfully, so that when he says you 16:12 can beat this Cheri, he's coming from a place of 16:15 knowledge not theory. 16:17 Because he has beaten it in his own life. 16:18 And there were some people that have done that - yeah! 16:21 they will say you can beat this because it says 16:23 in Scripture, and I'm thinking what does it say in your life? 16:26 Because right now I just need skin on what it says. 16:30 So if you share that, that is why I'm so blessed by the 16:33 folks that have been on the show because they literally 16:35 are sharing what they have been through and how the 16:38 Scriptures have helped. 16:39 I'm going to go back to the Exalting His Word because 16:42 that is the book for the season. 16:43 And I have shared this book the least of any book we 16:48 have had on because my computer was stolen and you'll 16:52 learn that through the season. 16:53 My computer were stolen in the airport on the way so I 16:56 lost all my notes, but the book is, I just want you to 17:00 keep this in Shelly Quinn's book on page 126, she goes 17:03 over instructions on how to kind of stay in Scripture, 17:07 how to get into Scripture. 17:08 One is in the morning to devote some time, you know and 17:11 she said 30 minutes a day, I am thinking right now 17:14 what ever you can put in. 17:16 Get up to 30 minutes a day, get up to an hour every 17:19 day or what ever but I think right now just opening the book. 17:21 I would begin with prayer seriously, some people 17:24 say how do I pray. 17:26 Just hey God, you know I'm here again today just talk to Him. 17:29 And 3, speak affirmations and supporting Scriptures aloud. 17:33 Like when I first got in the Word of God and it says I'm 17:36 a new creature in Christ and that God knows my stuff. 17:40 Psalm 51 talks about, the Psalmist, whatever you decide 17:43 about me is right because I have all this junk - right! 17:45 And God decides I'm innocent and He wants to bring me 17:48 back into His fold, and not innocent in that I haven't 17:51 acted out, but because the blood of the Lamb has 17:54 covered me I am now looked at as if I had never sinned. 17:58 So that I learned in Scripture and began to speak that into 18:02 your life - it takes a little time to wrap your mind around 18:04 that because that is a whole new way thinking about yourself. 18:07 I'm a woman of God, I am in Ambassador for Christ, and so 18:10 be careful when you think you are my boss. 18:12 You know God will contend with those who contend with me 18:15 and all that stuff. 18:17 So you write that down. 18:18 And repeat affirmations throughout the day, when you are 18:22 going throughout the day. 18:23 I was really struggling with who I am in my past you know. 18:29 I am a liar, I manipulate, I have this horrible 18:32 background were are was homeless for 10 years. 18:35 So I learned a horrible stuff on the streets, how to 18:38 play people and all that. 18:39 I believe the devil just flooded me one day with the 18:43 reality of who I am, I couldn't argue anything. 18:45 I couldn't say that's not me and that stuff and all of a 18:48 sudden a Scripture comes to mind that I am dead to that. 18:51 Yeah - that the old man of sin is dead, and I started 18:54 crying because I thought, you know what if I dead to that 18:57 do I still have to still listen. 18:58 God said absolutely not, don't even listen to those 19:01 thoughts of this is who you are because you are dead to 19:04 who you are as a incredible child of God grafted 19:08 onto Christ because He did that for us. 19:09 So it is like being able to get into the Word and 19:13 literally start repeating what it says because what you 19:16 think is true, none of it's true. 19:18 You know none of it is true, we are so far removed from 19:20 what actually is true that we don't even know. 19:23 So the word of God reflects that to us. 19:24 And number 5 says conclude with prayer and praise. 19:28 If I can get the fact that now coming from homelessness, 19:31 illiterate and all that kind of stuff, that I am a woman 19:35 of God, stood up in Christ, in the Holy of Holies, in the 19:38 presence of my Father because Christ invited me there. 19:40 And He dresses me and puts me a priestly garments and 19:43 sends me out into the world. 19:44 When demons see me they see a woman of God, not just 19:48 somebody in jeans and a T-shirt, and they literally have to back 19:51 off, because of the Holy Spirit in me. 19:54 I'm thinking that is powerful stuff, but if I don't know 19:58 that, I can't step into that place of authority and that 20:01 boldness of who I am in Christ. 20:03 So it literally says to repeat that and then praise God for it. 20:08 And if you don't feel it, so what! 20:11 So what and I don't mean it in a disrespectful way, but 20:15 it is almost like if somebody was stolen at birth from a 20:18 from a King's family, and literally gets returned when 20:21 they are in their 30's. 20:22 It doesn't matter if they don't feel like they are a 20:24 member of the family, they are they were stolen at birth. 20:27 So it's like being able to in your mind get that sense 20:30 that somebody robbed you of your birthright, and Christ 20:32 is trying to restore that and bring you back to restoration. 20:36 And the last one just kills me because I wanted to say 20:38 Shelly why did you put that in this book? 20:42 In the book it says be consistent, DAH! 20:45 I'm an addict in recovery do you know what I mean, it's like 20:47 I'm not consistent about anything, but be consistent. 20:50 Remember that this is your life line, this is more 20:53 important to you than the food you putting your body. 20:56 So if I know that the Word of God, what the Word of God 20:59 says is more important for me to get a grip on than the 21:02 food that I put in my body and to be consistent every 21:05 day, at least do this basic stuff. 21:09 Of course then repeat it when you get up in the morning. 21:11 And not wait for the feeling drive yourself through, 21:14 discipline yourself. 21:15 You know Paul gives that yucky list of sins in 21:19 parentheses, it says these people are not going to hear 21:22 the kingdom and then he says in some such were of you. 21:25 You used to be, that I used to be that, but you are washed. 21:28 Liars, drug addicts, homosexuals, porn addicts I mean 21:31 you can list all that kind of stuff - and you used to 21:34 be that, but you are not anymore - exactly. 21:35 And whether you feel it or not, it's not important, go 21:38 with God's Word, because he says if you come he is 21:41 faithful and just, you know 1 John 1:9, 21:43 to forgive and to cleanse. 21:45 That is His job, your job is to say Lord I can't do 21:48 anything, you know I can't do anything, You have to do it. 21:51 When you say that, He's going to do that and 21:53 that's what this show is. 21:55 The Ron Woolsey's of the world, Shannon Ethridge, 21:57 what a powerful testimony. 21:58 You know she's stripping - she rocked us - and the spirit 22:00 of God is coming into her life and all of a sudden she 22:02 feels her nakedness and she says this is not right anymore. 22:07 And with Harmony - literally Harmony literally turning 22:10 around to do a lap dance for somebody, and I don't know 22:13 how raw you want to get, you said this is a raw show but 22:16 literally as she turns around all of a sudden God just 22:20 shows her who she is in Christ. 22:21 She says I was looking for fig leaves, I was so shamed, 22:24 not because God shamed me, and God showed me who I am 22:28 and I don't belong here - yeah. 22:29 I don't belong here, rocked into the house of God from 22:31 that point on and never went back to that life - and 22:34 where does God meet you Cheri? 22:35 He meets you right where you are, does He wait for 22:37 you have to get in the dressing room and get dressed 22:38 no, because you are standing there naked and God says hey, 22:40 not cool anymore. 22:42 And at that moment the Holy Spirit is in your life yeah 22:44 because He loves you. 22:45 It's the absolute it is so huge and what is really 22:49 amazing to me about, and I just got a say over and over 22:52 again, I am so grateful to be able to do this program, 22:54 because I know that there are people out there still in 22:57 the lifestyle, still acting out, still in front of their 23:00 computer looking at porn and stuff like that and I just 23:02 want to say to you get into the Word of God. 23:06 Don't wait to get to where you feel convicted and change, 23:09 because you may never get that conviction. 23:12 You may never within yourself be able to 23:14 even see the shame of it. 23:15 God says you know what, let Me unfold it for you. 23:18 For one He says He doesn't like in Romans 8:1, He says 23:22 I do it without condemnation. 23:23 He doesn't come in and say I want you feel bad enough 23:25 about this that you quit, He says know I want you to feel 23:28 loved enough to walk away from who you are not. 23:31 Do you know what I mean? 23:32 That is absolutely, it is absolutely huge, the 23:35 difference, so sometimes we want to shame ourselves and 23:37 quit our behaviors, and we want to white knuckle it, and I don't 23:40 want to do that again. 23:41 I don't want to smoke again, I'm not going to go to a 23:43 house of prostitution. 23:44 I'm not going to another Strip Club, I'm not going to 23:47 have an affair or my husband and all that kind of stuff. 23:49 I'm not going to do any of that and God says you know 23:52 what, in your own power you do not even understand the 23:54 wrongness of it yet. 23:55 So step into the Word of God, step in, exalt His word and 23:59 in this whole season is about exalting His word, not for 24:03 any other reason then we have to know who we are in Christ. 24:07 Because once we know who we are in Christ all this 24:10 behavioral stuff doesn't work anymore. 24:12 We are going to take a break and we will be right back! 24:15 I want to say thanks for watching, we'll be right back! |
Revised 2014-12-17