Participants:
Series Code: CW
Program Code: CW000035S
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00:00 (bright music)
00:03 - Welcome everyone. 00:05 We're excited to share some country wisdom with you. 00:07 - King Solomon had a thing or two to say 00:09 about the path to wisdom. 00:11 In Proverbs four, he wrote, 00:13 "Let your eyes look directly forward 00:16 and your gaze be straight before you. 00:19 Keep straight the path of your feet 00:21 and all your ways will be sure." 00:23 - Join us now for Country Wisdom. 00:26 (bright music) 00:35 I've just gotta share with you directly. 00:37 I heard this young lady doing a sermon a while back, 00:41 the psychopath within. 00:43 Going what? The psychopath within. 00:46 So I looked around for a setting, a location. 00:48 I found this old broken down barn, broken down fences, 00:51 and it seemed Janice really apropos 00:53 to the first part of your story. 00:55 I've gotta hear. 00:57 - I like the young lady part. 00:58 You can introduce me like that anytime you want. 01:01 - Everyone, the emphasis. 01:02 - Not that they're gonna buy that. 01:06 Yes, it was a book I read that I was basing that on 01:10 and actually I think it was, "The Psychopath Inside." 01:13 A man who studied the brains. 01:16 He literally was studying the brains of serial killers 01:20 and doing MRI scans, seeing how they thought, 01:23 what was going on, recognizing areas of their brains 01:27 that did not light up the way normal people's brains do, 01:33 non serial killers. 01:35 And one day he was going through all of these 01:37 and he found one, 01:39 he got to where he could just see a brain scan and he knew 01:41 that's one of his test subjects 01:42 versus all of the control subjects. 01:44 People he worked with. 01:46 - Lighting up the synapses weren't fir 01:47 you can test the synapsis and nothing going across. 01:51 - And he saw one and he went, 01:53 "That's one of the psychopaths," but it wasn't labeled. 01:56 And he's really getting on his assistant going, 01:59 "Find out who's this is, it doesn't have a name on it." 02:02 Well, it to turned out it was his. 02:04 And he's going, "I'm not a serial killer." 02:07 But he began looking at ways of thinking 02:11 at his relationships and recognizing the tendencies he had 02:14 and then saying, "Well, if my brain is programmed 02:18 where I could just as easily 02:20 have been one of the psychopaths that I'm studying, 02:24 why am I not?" 02:26 And he realized part of it is the home he was raised in. 02:31 He was raised in a stable home. 02:33 He's going, "What if I hadn't had that stability? 02:37 Would I have ended up like them?" 02:39 And he was looking at the areas of your life 02:41 that can counteract the brain that you were born with. 02:46 And I've recognized that I knew my mother very well, 02:53 as you might imagine. 02:55 I grew up with her and I was programmed to be like her. 03:00 I'm sure in utero, it was happening 03:03 because she was always anxious. 03:05 She had anxiety and depression and she treated it all 03:09 with prescription drugs. 03:11 She had multiple doctors 03:13 who didn't know that the others existed 03:15 and always had a cupboard full of tranquilizers 03:22 and pain pills. 03:23 And she just functioned like that. 03:25 - So everybody's writing scripts for her 03:27 on the same thing then. 03:29 - Yes. 03:30 And I was raised with that kind of thinking in the home, 03:36 but none of it showed outside the home. 03:38 I was a proper little liar 03:41 because you would never have talked about the whaling fight 03:47 that had happened the night before. 03:48 She and my dad would really get into it. 03:52 I've got a little scar up, thankfully, my bangs cover it. 03:56 Where in one fight, she had her hurled an egg beater 04:00 at my dad and her aim was off a little bit and it hit me. 04:04 I think I was about four. 04:07 The only good thing is that my scalp is split open, blood, 04:11 it was scalp bleeds. 04:12 But it ended the fight because they had to take me to the ER 04:15 and get stitches. 04:16 And by the time that was all over, 04:18 I think they'd forgotten what they were fighting about. 04:20 I remember one night, it was a Saturday night, 04:23 because I believe we were watching "Lawrence Welk." 04:26 That was my dad's favorite show when I was little girl. 04:30 And my mom just walked in and announced 04:32 that she had taken a whole bottle of whatever it was, 04:35 meprobamate, something like that. 04:37 And she just stood there, looking at my dad and said, 04:39 "What are you gonna do about?" 04:41 Basically it was up to him to prove, 04:44 did he love her enough to actually save her life? 04:48 And that wasn't the only time. 04:51 On a date in high school one time, 04:54 I'm pathologically punctual. 04:56 So when I told my mom I'll be home at 11, 04:58 she knew I would be home at 11 and I'm certain she timed it. 05:03 So when I came in, the first thing I did 05:05 was go back to her bedroom to tell her I was home. 05:09 And I had to come out and get my boyfriend 05:11 to carry my semiconscious mother to the hospital, 05:15 to have her stomach pumped because she had tried once again. 05:20 And at that time, my dad was dying of cancer. 05:24 I think I was a sophomore when he was diagnosed 05:27 and we had moved my grandmother in with us 05:30 because she was losing her mind. 05:32 My mom keeps trying to kill herself. 05:34 My dad's dying, but nobody outside the family 05:39 would've known what kind of chaos was going inside the home. 05:43 There was no stability there. 05:45 As a little girl, when I would walk home from school, 05:48 there was a certain corner, from Acacia Street onto Central, 05:53 where I could look down and I could see my house 05:56 and my stomach would nod up because it was, 05:59 which mother was gonna meet me at the door that day. 06:02 Was it gonna be a good day 06:04 or would it be one of her bad days? 06:05 - So there's trauma in your heart and mind 06:07 every single day of your life? 06:09 - Right, school was a refuge. 06:11 You look back on your life. 06:13 And I realize God always had a particular teacher 06:17 or the parents of friends, someone that I always had, 06:23 that was that bit of stability. 06:27 I always volunteered for things at school and at church. 06:32 I think a lot of that was to escape home. 06:36 - Wow, many of us can't even imagine that kinda home 06:40 and probably most can, unfortunately. 06:42 Today's most can. 06:43 - I think more than we would know. 06:45 - I had a good life that way, but this is amazing. 06:50 How long did this keep on? 06:54 - Well, dad died in my senior year of high school. 06:58 Mom at that point, not long after 07:00 she sold the home, I'd grown up in, 07:04 moved into something smaller with my grandmother 07:06 who was still with us. 07:08 But at least I was off and independent at that point. 07:11 - You've got all these pills around. 07:13 You've got a terrible life. 07:14 Did you ever think of them? - Oh yes. 07:18 The genetic curse on my mother's side, 07:20 'cause not only my mom but her father also had issues 07:24 with depression and anxiety. 07:27 And I know from stories, so I know it came from her side. 07:32 I was a teenager and I was in my mother's dressing room. 07:38 When you're a teenager, 07:40 things that nowadays you might just go, 07:43 that's not even gonna bother you next week. 07:45 I think I hadn't done well on a test 07:47 and there was a boy that I was desperately in love with 07:50 who wouldn't even look at me that day, 07:52 something along those lines. 07:54 But I remember distinctly standing in front of the cupboard 07:59 where she kept all of her Darvan and meprobamate 08:02 and a number of other things, all kinds of bottles. 08:07 She got them wholesale using my dad's medical license. 08:13 - So she was a felon also in reality. 08:16 - Things were looser back then. 08:19 But I was standing there trying to figure out, 08:22 I was wondering, well, how much, what combination, 08:25 what would it take to just make the pain go away? 08:29 And I think a lot of people, 08:31 there's been a horrible rise in suicide 08:34 and a lot of those poor people, they're not thinking, 08:39 I'm going to kill and show everyone. 08:42 It's in that moment, you can't see beyond the blackness 08:45 that you're enveloped in. 08:47 And I just wanted the pain to go away. 08:51 And to this day, I don't know why I shut the doors. 08:57 Now I'm pretty sure it was my angel. 09:00 I don't recall consciously deciding, 09:02 "No Janice, you can't do that." 09:05 But I didn't. 09:07 Nowadays you have so many teen suicides 09:11 and I realize how easily I could have been one. 09:15 But there was always a thread, 09:16 sometimes no more than a thread of the Lord being there. 09:23 Now I don't have a Damascus road conversion experience. 09:25 In fact, I think one of the first times I was ever asked 09:29 to give my testimony. 09:32 I did what I do too often. 09:33 I said yes and then panicked later, 09:36 because I'm thinking, what can I say? 09:38 What kind of testimony? 09:39 What do I have? 09:40 I even called my daughter and I said, 09:42 "I have to give my testimony tomorrow morning. 09:44 What am I gonna say? 09:45 I'm so vanilla. 09:46 Our family is just so vanilla." 09:48 And she laughed. 09:50 Our daughter is Ethiopian. 09:52 You gotta keep this visual in mind. 09:54 And she said, "Vanilla?" 09:57 She goes, "Mom, at the very least, 09:59 our family is chocolate ripple." 10:01 (both laughing) 10:05 Maybe we're not as bland as I think. 10:08 - But I've heard you say many times 10:09 that I don't have much of a testimony. 10:12 And I'm sitting here listening to this, 10:13 that you had trauma. 10:15 I mean your old, early life, it was just one mix of trauma. 10:20 - It was, but at the time, that's what I knew. 10:24 It's not until you really look at other families and you go, 10:27 oh, in other families, mom doesn't disappear 10:31 for a few weeks. 10:32 And later you find out, usually from my sister, 10:35 I don't know how Bonnie always knew what was happening. 10:37 She was older than I was. 10:39 And it was kind of, well, sooner or later, 10:41 Bonnie will tell me what's going on. 10:43 And you would find out now we would call it rehab. 10:47 But back then it was, dad would put mom in a sanitarium, 10:51 is what they called it, to dry out. 10:54 And then when she came home for a while, 10:57 it would be wonderful. 10:58 My mother was intelligent. 11:00 She was, you think I have a sense of humor, 11:03 my mom could be hysterical. 11:05 She was so witty. 11:07 And she would be a real person for a long time. 11:11 But then she didn't have the anchor of the Lord. 11:16 She could quote scripture better than I can ever hope to. 11:20 I'm always going, what's that text about this? 11:24 And then finally someone will save me 11:25 and say, "That's this." 11:28 I can't remember what those texts are. 11:31 Mom could quote it, but it never went beyond her head. 11:36 She never actually knew God. 11:40 And I might not be able to remember my favorite text. 11:44 I can quote it, but I can't remember what book and chapter, 11:48 but I can't get out of bed in the morning 11:51 without the Lord there. 11:53 That is the solid foundation. 11:56 The rest of the world can be shaking and falling apart, 11:59 but there's a part of the world, right under my feet 12:01 that isn't moving. 12:03 - So this lady who really didn't have much of a testimony 12:07 and your words, really does have an amazing testimony of God 12:13 leading in your life 12:14 and saving you probably from suicide too. 12:16 - Yes. 12:17 It's just been so incremental that you don't notice. 12:24 It's not like Paul. 12:25 I mean, you don't get more dramatic than Paul 12:28 getting knocked off his donkey. 12:30 He's blinded and yet he knows somehow 12:32 that's God talking to me. 12:34 And he is not the same person afterwards. 12:38 I don't have a moment that I can go back to 12:41 and say, "Here, this is when I was converted." 12:44 It's been that gradual process 12:46 where you actually have to look back and you have to say 12:50 anyone who knew me when I was an adolescent, 12:55 they would never have predicted, 12:58 Janice is gonna grow up to be a pillar of the church, 13:01 to be someone that other people 13:03 would actually want to listen to, happily married, 13:07 knowing the Lord. 13:08 That's where she's headed. 13:09 - So somewhere there was a psychopath inside, 13:13 but God began altering your DNA. 13:16 - He certainly did. 13:18 - I couldn't help, but think of Jeremiah chapter 29:11. 13:22 Lord says, "For I know the thoughts 13:24 that I think towards you, saith the Lord, 13:27 thoughts of peace, and not of evil, 13:29 to give you an expected end." 13:32 God has an expected end for you. 13:34 He has expected end for everybody, doesn't he? 13:36 - Yes, he does. 13:37 - I just praise God that you're here with me today. 13:39 And God began working on you in amazing ways. 13:43 We're gonna hear more of that part of it in the moment. 13:45 - Yes, because I can tell you one person 13:47 who for certain made that change in me. 13:52 - Hey Janice, how are you doing? 13:54 - Hey, you were wrote another book. 13:56 - I did, I had a burden on my heart 13:58 and God helped me get it done. 14:00 - So, "The Plan of Love," what's it about? 14:04 - Well, it's really about God and eternity. 14:06 Saw everything that was going to happen here. 14:09 And his amazing love He says, 14:11 "I'm gonna take care of the problems. 14:13 I'm gonna take care of the situation by giving my own life." 14:17 He did all that, but we've been lied to so much. 14:20 We don't see what God has planned for us, 14:22 what God is doing for us. 14:24 Matter of fact, the angel came down to Mary and said, 14:27 "You shall call his name Jesus 14:29 for he shall save his people from their sin." 14:32 Notice it wasn't in, but from. 14:34 - Where can people get the book? 14:36 - Hey, I'm glad you asked. 14:37 Folks if you'd like your own personal copy, 14:39 log on to TalkingDonkeyInternational.org. 14:42 And please, if you would send us a donation of $12- 14:45 - Or more. - Or more. 14:47 And we'll get you the book 14:48 and I'll be happy to sign it for you too. 14:50 Thank you so much. 14:54 Janice I love the continuation of those verses 14:57 in Jeremiah 29. 14:58 "Then shall ye call upon me, says the Lord, 15:01 ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. 15:04 Ye shall seek me and find me, when you search for me 15:07 with all of your heart. 15:09 And I will be found of you." 15:13 - I love that too, because I don't even know 15:20 at what point I began really seeking him with all my heart. 15:23 I know how important he is now. 15:26 And I know that one person that he put in my life, 15:29 because he often is guiding you not with, 15:35 angelic heavenly angels, but people in your life 15:39 that I think he puts there on purpose 15:42 if you'll open your eyes and notice them. 15:44 And after one of the worst times in my life, 15:48 when my dad finally died of cancer on April Fool's Day, 15:54 you would think now what? 15:56 And I was thinking that too. 15:58 And purely out of desperation, 16:00 I applied to work at a Christian summer camp. 16:03 Mind you, I did not like kids. 16:06 I had never babysat in my life. 16:08 I never wanted children. 16:10 And so to go and work at a summer camp, 16:12 which is kind of filled with kids, 16:15 but I knew that I could get a scholarship 16:17 and I needed that scholarship. 16:19 So I applied to work there 16:21 and Steve was the boy's director, assistant director, 16:26 something like that. 16:27 He did all the scheduling. 16:29 And if you had any discipline problems with your cabin, 16:32 or if any staff needed a talking to, it was Steve. 16:36 And so I had gone in, when I got the job and I had said, 16:42 Look, I will be a counselor if you get really desperate, 16:45 but otherwise I'll do anything else. 16:48 I would work in the kitchen, I'd do maintenance. 16:50 But they discovered fairly quickly that I like people. 16:54 I've got good people skills 16:55 and a good command of the English language, 16:59 sounded really nice on the phone. 17:01 - English major. - Yes. 17:03 And so I often worked in the office 17:06 and his desk was in the same room. 17:09 Well, he was always so responsible, so businesslike, 17:12 focused on what needed to be done. 17:15 And I thought he's a really nice guy, 17:17 but he's kind of buttoned down. 17:20 And he thought she's a really nice girl really smart. 17:25 - Wait, wait, wait for the younger audience, 17:26 you've gotta explain button down. 17:29 - Collars that always had little buttons 17:31 to keep the collar down and in place. 17:34 And Steve was always- - Prim and proper. 17:37 - Yes, proper, yes. 17:39 Business like responsible, Uber responsible. 17:43 And he recognized that I'm intelligent. 17:47 I'm fun to be around, 17:49 but literally too crazy to ever really date. 17:52 That's not what he was looking for. 17:54 He was headed to medical school. 17:56 He didn't even want a relationship. 17:58 - This was the psychopath inside. 18:00 - Well, he was getting little glimpses of her, yes. 18:04 But over months, not only working together all summer, 18:08 but we went to the same college. 18:11 He was a senior chemistry major. 18:13 I was a freshman English major, 18:15 literally opposite sides of the campus. 18:17 And yet weirdly we kept running into each other. 18:21 And sometimes God has to put something in front of you 18:25 and keep saying "Here, here. 18:28 Did you notice what I'm trying to give you here?" 18:31 And you finally stop and think, 18:33 he's not like anyone I've ever dated before, 18:38 but that's not such a bad thing. 18:40 And he had these qualities. 18:43 There was no one that didn't respect Steve, 18:46 that didn't recognize he's a good guy, 18:49 a genuinely good guy. 18:51 And an actual adult male. 18:56 - Was God trying to drop an anchor in your life, is that? 18:58 - I think so. 18:59 I have no idea why God inflicted me on him. 19:03 That would be another story. 19:04 And his mother trust me was horrified 19:07 when he brought me home. 19:09 But somehow it has worked. 19:11 And he is just a perfect partner for me. 19:17 He kind of keeps me from bouncing all over 19:21 and from getting way out of line. 19:25 He is a dedicated Christian. 19:29 When I walk into the kitchen in the mornings, 19:32 every morning there he is with his Bible. 19:35 I am hit or miss with that 19:38 because I don't have the discipline he has, 19:40 but he generally doesn't walk out of the house 19:43 without having spent some time with the Lord. 19:45 And that's how he has put up with me 19:46 a lot of these many years. 19:49 But he's also provide the guidance. 19:53 He has literally given me the stability, 19:57 the anchor to let me bloom. 20:01 And my mom didn't have that. 20:03 Maybe if she had had a better partner, 20:06 someone who was connected to the Lord. 20:08 My dad, the only time I know that he said the word, God, 20:13 it was followed by expletive that you shouldn't repeat. 20:20 I didn't grow up with my parents taking me to church. 20:24 It was my grandmother who lived next door. 20:27 So never underestimate the power of a godly grandmother. 20:32 But at this point in my life, when I met him, 20:34 my grandmother, we had had to move her in with us 20:37 because she kept accidentally setting her house on fire. 20:42 So God put this godly man right in my path. 20:48 And I eventually wised up and paid attention. 20:50 - So, He really used Steve to begin speaking to you, 20:54 to draw you out of that old mindset, 20:57 that old direction in life. 20:58 - Right, right. 20:59 When you are partnering with someone who has genuine faith, 21:05 it can't help but rub off. 21:07 And I had faith, but it was tiny. 21:11 It was there, but it needed to be breathed on, 21:15 give it some oxygen. 21:19 And that's one thing that he has provided 21:20 for the whole family too, 21:22 because our kids feel the same way. 21:26 One of our sons one and time said, 21:29 "When dad prays, you actually know he means it. 21:33 He's not just going through the motions." 21:35 So he is had that effect on the kids too, 21:38 of growing up with a godly father. 21:41 - Now you came out of what I would call 21:43 really kind of a living hell in your life. 21:49 Tell me though what it was like in this growing process. 21:51 How did you see changes in your life 21:54 and how did God really come into your life 21:57 to where you are today? 21:59 - Well, another big life changing experience 22:02 was having our first child, Colin. 22:07 - Remember I said I didn't like kids. 22:09 I never babysat, I didn't want children. 22:11 I was terrified because I knew that children ruin your life. 22:15 And I knew it because my mother was always telling us that. 22:19 She could have been something, 22:20 but she got married and had children. 22:24 I don't know how many times she flat out told me 22:27 I was no daughter of hers 22:29 because I wasn't meeting her expectations. 22:34 And I was terrified. 22:35 And after Colin, I had a period of, 22:39 you hear about postpartum blues, it was postpartum black. 22:43 In fact, Steve, when I finally admitted to him 22:47 that I'm not doing as well as you think I'm doing, 22:51 he was in his surgery residency. 22:53 He was hardly ever home. 22:54 And when he was, I'm a good enough actress, I could fake it 22:57 for the 12 hours, he might be home. 23:01 And finally, when I realized the suicidal thoughts 23:05 were seeming to make sense, 23:08 they were starting to sound reasonable. 23:10 And I thought I can't do that to the baby though. 23:14 I didn't love the baby. 23:16 I was going through emotions like a robot 23:19 as if you'd handed me an infant and said, 23:21 "Here, could you take care of this for a while? 23:23 But I was so afraid of Colin 23:26 because I thought he's gonna grow up and hate me 23:30 the way I hate my mother. 23:32 My brother, my sister and I, 23:34 we all got to the point where we just cut mom off. 23:37 Absolutely no relationship. 23:38 And I was terrified that- 23:41 How could I possibly be a mom what I didn't know how to be? 23:46 But I also hadn't reckoned with the love God gives you. 23:51 And I think that is when I really began to experience 23:54 what God feels for me. 23:56 And boy does that make a difference? 23:59 - Wow, so that was really kind of a time in your life 24:03 when God then impacted your life. 24:07 - When you realize, I began to know 24:10 that Steve would do anything for me 24:13 and with Colin, it was like, 24:14 well, I know I'd do anything for him. 24:17 Once I got over the depression, it was like, 24:20 nobody could take that baby from me now. 24:22 I would give my life. 24:23 And you realize that is how God looks at me. 24:28 - Wow. 24:30 Janice. I just really appreciate you sharing this story. 24:32 I know probably a little tough for you. 24:34 I can see it in your face. 24:37 - You kept saying, "We need to do your story." 24:39 And I kept saying, "No, no we don't." 24:42 - Well, thank you so much. 24:43 - Thank you. 24:47 (lighting thudding) 24:59 There's a storm coming. 25:02 That means any minute now 25:05 my grandchildren will start appearing, 25:08 the little ones first, 25:10 but the older ones won't be far behind, 25:12 all of them scrambling for the safety of grandma's lap. 25:19 They know their grandmother isn't afraid of any storm. 25:23 And soon one of them is bound to ask to hear it again. 25:26 The story of the great storm. 25:30 How God decided to rid his world of evil, 25:34 how he decided to send the rain, 25:38 and how he asked Grandpa Noah to build a boat. 25:42 (upbeat music) 25:51 - Hey Janice, how are you doing? 25:53 - Hey, you wrote another book. 25:54 - I did, I had a burden on my heart 25:56 and God helped me get it done. 25:58 - So, "The Plan of Love," what's it about? 26:02 - Well, it's really about God in eternity 26:05 saw everything that was going to happen here. 26:07 And his amazing love he says, 26:10 "I'm gonna take care of the problems. 26:11 I'm gonna take care of the situation by giving my own life." 26:15 He did all that, but we've been lied to so much. 26:18 We don't see what God has planned for us, 26:20 what God is doing for us. 26:23 Matter of fact, the angel came down to marry and said, 26:26 "You shall call his name Jesus 26:27 for he shall save his people from their sin." 26:30 Notice it wasn't in, but from. 26:32 - Where can people get the book? 26:34 - Hey, I'm glad you asked, 26:36 Folks, if you'd like your own personal copy, 26:38 log on to TalkingDonkeyInternational.org 26:40 And please, if you would send us a donation of 12 dollars- 26:43 - Or more. - Or more. 26:45 And we'll get you the book 26:46 and I'll be happy to sign it for you too. 26:48 Thank you so much. 26:52 (gentle music) 26:56 It's exciting to me because I look at what God did 26:59 for this young woman who heard a cry to him, 27:03 He came man answered the call. 27:05 - He certainly did. 27:06 He always answers your call. - He does. 27:08 - Even if you're barely calling, 27:11 it's just a little squeak inside. 27:13 And I know that there's someone out there. 27:15 You might be one who is calling out because you recognize 27:19 maybe you've never felt loved. 27:21 Maybe you don't feel like you are lovable. 27:24 And certainly you don't know how to genuinely love. 27:28 That was me. 27:29 And the best decision I ever made was to ask God to come in 27:34 and begin to change that, to fill those holes, 27:37 to start repairing the brokenness inside 27:40 so that I had something to actually give. 27:44 Make that decision today if you haven't already. 27:47 (gentle music) 27:58 - Thank you for watching. 27:59 Join us again for another exciting Country Wisdom. 28:01 - See you next time. |
Revised 2022-02-10