Faith Chapel

Why Wait?

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: BJ Boles


Series Code: FC

Program Code: FC000169

00:30 Hello,wellcome to Faith Chapel
00:32 My name is BJ Boles
00:35 Today we're gonna be talking a little bit about relationships
00:40 Our telephone calls aren't the same,are they?
00:43 Sometimes we receive calls
00:44 and we carelessly answer the phone
00:47 thinking this is a regular call,
00:48 but sometimes they are quite different
00:49 I remember receiving a call from my mother
00:52 I was very,very busy
00:54 I was pastoring a church
00:56 and it seemed there were so many things going on
00:59 and I got a call
01:00 and she said that my papa Oscar had passed away
01:06 All of a sudden,
01:07 all those busy meetings and schedules didn't matter
01:09 papa Oscar was a very special person to me
01:13 he was really the only grand dad I really knew
01:16 coming up as a boy
01:17 as far as spending time with him and so forth
01:20 so all those busy meetings and all those commitees and so forth
01:24 were cancelled and put on hold
01:27 and I headed down to [?] beach
01:29 Florida, for the funeral of my papa Oscar
01:33 [?] beach has a lot of great memories for me
01:36 my dad's family is there
01:37 and I remember as a young boy going down and
01:40 spending time with papa Oscar and grannie Mart[?]
01:43 all are good memories
01:45 there were always huge gatherings of family there
01:48 and a lot food;we used to play football outside
01:51 and I remember that no matter how many people came
01:54 there was always space at the table
01:56 in fact, sometimes they put the table outside
01:58 so that everyone could have space
02:00 my grannie Martha,
02:02 well she always made a separate dish of vegetables for us
02:05 since we were vegetarians
02:07 my papa Oscar, I remember
02:10 he had this orange lawnmower
02:12 riding lawnmower,and we used to call this tractor
02:15 and as a little boy I used to get so excited
02:17 because I was going to ride papa Oscar's tractor
02:20 and one of my prized photographs as a child
02:22 was me sitting on that riding lawnmower
02:25 with my papa Oscar
02:26 whoúd go round, and round, and round, and round his house
02:30 and he never looked tired of that
02:32 papa Oscar taught me a little bit about fishing
02:34 papa Oscar didn't know much
02:36 about the health message
02:37 unfortunately and he had an expression:if you can bite, it
02:40 can be bitten and he ate all
02:42 kind of stuff I know my papa Oscar was a special person and
02:46 he taught me so many things
02:47 going down to that funeral I began to do a lot of thinking
02:52 you know,funerals do that, don't they?
02:55 they put you to a pensive state
02:57 they put you to a time of reflection
02:59 of contemplation,of analysis
03:01 of thinking about various aspects of your life and
03:04 maybe your interaction with the person who passed away
03:07 and I also went into a pensive time and
03:10 I began asking questions
03:12 as I began observing the funeral
03:14 and the memorial service
03:16 watching my family interact with one another
03:19 I began to ask questions
03:21 because I remembered previous funerals
03:23 I had attended before as well
03:24 and these questions really probed my mind
03:27 and questions like:
03:30 Why do we wait till funerals to bury the hatchet?
03:34 There were some people there that were very upset, because
03:38 they had let some grievance
03:40 some disturbance with papa Oscar fester all the years
03:44 and never reconciled
03:47 and there they were,at that funeral
03:50 and there was no opportunity to reconcile now
03:53 we wait so long until it's too late
03:57 another question is why do we wait funerals to have reunions
04:02 it was an incredible gathering of my family
04:04 I haven't seen as many family members in one place before
04:07 all kind of cousins,
04:09 cousins I haven't seen for years and years and years were there
04:13 an incredible amount of people
04:15 I remember
04:17 "Little house on the prairie" episode so long ago
04:20 this little woman moves out to the prairie
04:23 she has two young people, children,adults
04:26 who live back in the east
04:27 and she writes and she writes and she writes
04:30 and she wants them to come and visit and
04:32 they are too busy, they are too busy, they are too busy
04:34 so she gets an idea
04:35 I'm gonna plan my own funeral, so
04:38 they will come and visit me, and she does that
04:41 and, as she thought they cancelled everything
04:44 and come out to the prairie to attend their motherús funeral
04:47 to their surprise
04:49 she attended her own funeral
04:51 we donút want to stage our own funeral
04:54 why do we wait to get together with family members
04:56 until such a time as that?
04:58 why do we wait till funerals to act like a family?
05:02 holding hands, embracing, spending time together
05:07 listening, sharing
05:09 why do we wait till funeral to ask forgiveness
05:13 from people who canút give forgiveness
05:16 who do we wait till funerals to appreciate people
05:20 who canút hear the appreciation
05:22 why do we wait till funerals to send flowers
05:24 to people who canút smell them
05:26 why do we wait till funerals to ponder what might have been
05:32 I remember I just arrived in a little church district
05:37 as their pastor
05:38 it was the very week I arrived and my home was full of boxes
05:42 and there were so many things going on
05:44 it was just kind of chaotic that first week
05:46 and I remember receiving a precious call
05:48 from Kitty Cromley[?], a dear friend, a dear lady,
05:52 and she wanted to wellcome the new pastor
05:55 you know, I am so glad the Lord kind of thumped me on the head
05:59 and I didnút say what I was going to say
06:01 I was going to say, it would have been understood
06:03 Listen, Iúm so busy, just getting here this week
06:06 can I set up a time to visit with you and your husband
06:09 next week?
06:11 but the Lord impressed me
06:13 to go visit her and her husband Earl Cromley[?]
06:16 so, I was going out there kind of pompously
06:19 I was going to bless them as the pastor, and pray with them
06:22 make them feel better
06:23 and it turned out to be totally opposite
06:26 when I arrived they just warmed me up
06:29 and wellcomed me in
06:30 there was a tremendous sharing time
06:32 and they encouraged my heart
06:35 well,Cromley,what a joy for man fun to be with
06:38 I'm so glad I got to spend time with them
06:41 at the end he reached out and
06:43 said: we just wanna have a
06:46 prayer for you as you begin your
06:47 ministry they blessed me
06:49 one week later Earl Cromley went into hospital
06:52 for a simple operation
06:54 and did not come out
06:56 he died in a simple operation
06:58 taken by surprise
07:00 ten days after my little visit with the Cromleys
07:03 I found myself holding the funeral for Earl Cromley
07:07 and I'm so glad that I was able to say:
07:10 I knew Earl Cromley
07:12 and I'm so glad I didn't have to say:
07:15 you know,I was scheduled to visit Earl Cromley
07:18 next weeek
07:20 I don't [?] to funerals sometimes to
07:22 see what might have been
07:24 why wait to a funeral sometimes to
07:26 regret
07:27 friendships undevelopped
07:29 the saddest thing that I ever had to do
07:32 the saddest thing that I ever had to do
07:35 was attend a funeral that no one came to
07:38 I had just arrived at another church district
07:41 at the beginning of a ministry there
07:43 an I got a call from the funeral home that
07:45 one nof the members had passed away and
07:47 I began calling aronund and no one seemed to know this person
07:50 it was a large church,but no one seemed to connect,
07:52 no one seemed to know
07:53 and so I went with a few friends
07:55 to hold the funeral
07:56 and no one came
07:58 wow!
07:59 what must that have said about that precious person
08:03 how lonely they must have been,
08:05 you see,sometimes we can just assume
08:07 that the person seating next to us is someone else's friend
08:10 someone else's daughter,
08:11 someone else is spending time with them
08:13 someone else has a neighbour that's helping them
08:15 and often it's not the case at all
08:19 the Lord may actually be calling us
08:22 to answer the prayers of someone else
08:24 someone may be praying for a friend
08:27 someone may be praying for interaction,
08:29 someone may be praying that someone reaches out to them
08:32 and we may be the answer
08:34 to someone else's prayer
08:36 why do we wait till funerals to [?] overtize?
08:41 you know,as busy as I was
08:43 as hectic as the schedule was
08:44 when I received the phone call from my mum
08:47 nothing was more important
08:48 than going and attending my granfather's funeral
08:52 I learnt a lesson about priority
08:55 a young girl,we call her name Joane
08:57 a precious girl,young lady
08:59 a beautiful daughter,
09:00 went in for a simple day out pacient surgery
09:03 and came home,started feeling ill
09:05 really ill,couldn't get
09:07 at all to the doctor,
09:08 they rushed her back to the hospital
09:09 that night,she
09:10 was in shock
09:11 she ends up going into a coma
09:13 for a whole month
09:15 due to the complications,
09:19 she loses her eye-sight during this time
09:21 she had been engaged,but
09:22 but her fiancee decided he did not wanna be
09:23 married to a blind woman, and
09:25 cancelled the engagement
09:26 certainly,trauma entered her life
09:28 crisis like they had never seen
09:30 and what I learnt about priority is
09:32 Joane's mother
09:35 was by her side the whole time
09:37 nothiong was more important than
09:40 being with her daughter
09:41 at those special times,at those special moments
09:46 why does it take a crisis
09:49 for us realize that
09:51 family is important
09:53 why does it take a crisis
09:54 to realize that you need to slow down
09:58 we seem to be always in a hurry
10:01 we seem to always be rushing to get things done
10:03 and sometimes we rush and rush so much
10:06 that we even forget why we are rushing
10:08 Have you ever caught yourself rushing down the Inner State[?]
10:11 and you realize there was no hurry
10:13 there was no need to rush,but
10:14 we get so caught up
10:16 you know,technology hasn't helped our life,has it?
10:19 we think that technology will help,but
10:22 we think that technology will slow things down
10:25 but really PDAs and cell phones and pagers
10:28 and blackberries and all this kind of things really have
10:31 done as complicate our lives
10:33 time hasn't extended itself
10:36 there are still 24 hours in a day
10:39 but we try to create 48 into 24
10:42 we try to micro-manage every second
10:45 until we are micro-managed to death
10:47 and we are so busy that we have no time to spend with people
10:52 you see, Satan has a great lie
10:54 Satan's lie is that we need this and we need that
10:58 we need to get this thing and get that thing
11:01 we need power,we need prestige, we need
11:04 monetary gain, and so we
11:05 spend our life in a vicious cycle getting
11:08 getting,getting
11:09 we ignore people as we learn that vicious cycle
11:13 and we are wrapped up in that cycle
11:15 he knows that we have no time for God
11:18 we have no time for family
11:20 and we are very self-absorbed
11:22 we take life for granted, don't we?
11:25 we assume that tomorrow will be here for us
11:27 we assume that tomorrow life will be the same as it was today
11:31 we forget that every breadth is a gift from God
11:35 well,one thing that I want us to understand today
11:40 is the most important thing in
11:42 life the most important thing:
11:44 our relationships
11:47 absolutely everything else will fade
11:49 number one is our relationship with God
11:52 and number two is our relationships with others
11:55 those are the significant things
11:58 everything else pales in comparison
12:01 the old song" Cats in the criddle" tells a story
12:05 a story of a young boy wanting to spend time with his dad
12:09 but dad's too busy
12:11 perhaps even "providing" for his family
12:13 to spend time with the boy
12:15 he says:dad,spend some time with me
12:17 he says:we'll get together soon,son
12:18 we'll get together soon
12:19 this story twists at the end and
12:22 the father now has ended his career and now has time
12:25 but the son is now caught up in that cycle
12:29 and the dad wants to spend time with his boy,but now
12:32 the boy says:sorry,dad,
12:33 I'm too busy
12:35 we'll get together soon
12:36 when we look at the cycle of life it's quite interesting
12:41 when we compare where we begin with where we end
12:44 we come into this world with nothing
12:47 and people taking care of us
12:49 somewhere in between we aquire all kind of stuff
12:53 but as we get to the latter years often we downsize
12:57 we move into smaller homes, get rid of all the stuff
13:01 we've acquired
13:02 and in fact many times we end life
13:05 with nothing
13:07 and someone taking care of us
13:09 here the question will remain:
13:11 what do we do in the in between time
13:15 what do we do with relationships during those times
13:18 I mean,we are so busy doing things and at
13:19 the end of our lives we'll be by ourselves enjoying them
13:24 well,why do we wait till
13:26 funerals to see the good in
13:29 people that's an amazing
13:31 question why can't we see the good in people right away
13:34 papa Oscar,the truth was,
13:39 was kind of an ordinary can tankrist[?]
13:41 he was kind of stubborn sometimes
13:44 and some people didn't like his abrasive kind of talking
13:47 but why didn't I see that,
13:49 why did I overlook that
13:51 why to me was that insignificant
13:54 I think it is important to realize why
13:57 because to me papa Oscar was my papa Oscar
13:59 and he was the greatest thing in the world
14:01 I ignored all that other stuff
14:03 and you know why I ignored it?
14:05 because I was seeing papa Oscar not with adult eyes
14:09 not with critical eyes,not with judgemental eyes,
14:13 not with comparative eyes,
14:14 I was looking at papa Oscar with child's eyes
14:19 the simple honesty of a child,
14:23 no bias,no prejudice,
14:25 no tendency to discriminate,
14:28 in fact just looking strait at the person for who they are
14:32 that's what children do, isn't it?
14:34 a little child sees another child
14:37 they don't come up and say: you know,how much do you make
14:40 where are you from?
14:41 they don't look what colour they are
14:42 they don't look at the car they are driving
14:44 they in fact see simply another person
14:47 to play with
14:49 somehow in the process of getting older
14:51 we learn how to discriminate very professionally,don't we?
14:55 the Bible talks about this type of insight
14:59 it talks about this type of perspective,the child's eyes
15:03 becoming as little children
15:05 if you go to the Bible
15:07 Matthew 18,verse 3
15:10 Jesus tells us to be as little children
15:31 wouldn't life be brighter if we had children's eyes
15:35 wouldn't the world be a better place
15:38 if we were gonna look with children's perspective
15:41 that innocent perspective,
15:42 that non-condemning perspective,
15:45 the less critical nature perspective
15:48 to have godly insight
15:49 you see,when God looks at us
15:52 there is a lot of bad that he can see
15:55 it's so easy to see the bad in people,isn't it?
15:57 that's really the lazy way out ,actually
15:59 but when God sees us
16:01 yes,he sees a sinner
16:03 when he looks at me,but he sees through the sin
16:07 and he sees the potential
16:09 of what I can be
16:10 once washed in His grace
16:12 and once given a new start
16:14 in a Christian walk
16:16 God sees potential
16:18 we also shall look around and understand
16:21 that every person
16:22 is a potential child of God
16:25 every person is a potential person to hear the Gospel
16:29 to have their life transformed
16:31 to have their life restored
16:33 and given a new start
16:35 in Jesus Christ
16:36 Jesus asked two things:
16:39 to love and to not judge
16:41 we need to have that godly insight
16:45 that child's perspective
16:47 all you need is love
16:49 that's what the Bible says
16:52 we go to John 13,verse34 and 35
17:15 what's very, very important is to understand
17:20 that Jesus wants to say:listen, if you love one another,
17:24 if you have love for one another that's
17:26 how they will know that you are my disciples
17:28 that's odd, isn't it?
17:31 it's not just a sign
17:33 out front to let people know that we are Christians
17:36 we don't wear badges or hats
17:38 but in fact Jesus says a very simple test:
17:41 if you love as I have loved,
17:43 love other people that same way
17:45 but how you treat each other
17:47 will distinguish you
17:50 as my people
17:51 and if you love one another
17:53 that will let people know
17:55 that you are my disciples
17:57 so,how do people know that we are Christians?
18:00 not by how many verses we memorize,
18:04 not by how nice we look,not by how our perfect attendance is,
18:08 not by where our membership is,
18:10 but in fact they will know that we know Jesus
18:13 if we love one another
18:15 they will know that we are connected to the Saviour
18:18 by how we treat other people
18:20 in fact,those relationships are very,very important
18:24 for they are a tell tale sign
18:26 if we are a child of God or not
18:29 how do we treat each other?
18:31 how do we care for each other?
18:33 how do we love each other?
18:34 wouldn't it be wonderful
18:36 to be known
18:38 for loving Jesus?
18:39 if someone came into your church
18:41 would they leave saying:
18:43 ah, it's a pretty church, it's a comfortable church
18:46 they had a good fellowship meal
18:47 or would they leave saying:
18:49 those people love Jesus
18:51 if we love Jesus,
18:52 if we uplift Jesus,people will want to come back
18:56 to see people who love Jesus
18:59 it's an amazing thing
19:01 a dream church,I'm sure that those churches exist
19:05 a church where people love without prejudice
19:08 without criticism
19:09 a church where there are no, strangers,because everyone
19:12 is treated as a family,
19:13 everyone is treated as a friend
19:15 they are warmly wellcomed
19:16 love covers a multitude of sins
19:21 God tells us to love
19:22 he tells us not to criticize
19:25 Jesus in fact tells us
19:27 a couple of verses explain
19:29 what a model church would be like
19:31 and certainly love is one of the central ingredients
19:35 that we look at
19:36 go to first Peter 4 and verse 8
19:54 Jesus says:above all things
19:57 we don't need a new programme
19:59 we don't need a new theology
20:02 it's not gonna be a new cathedral
20:04 that's gonna bring people to the church
20:06 it's not gonna be a new lesson plan
20:08 that's gonna bring people into a Bible study
20:10 the Bible says:above all things
20:13 if you have love
20:15 and it covers up a lot of errors if you have love
20:18 love is kind of the oil
20:20 that covers up all the mistakes
20:23 that we all make
20:25 number one priority
20:27 is love
20:28 another verse is found in the book of Romans
20:31 Romans chapter 12 and verse 10
20:46 that's awesome,isn't it?
20:47 not a selfish place, not a selfish church
20:50 it's a place where we honour one another
20:53 we respect one another
20:54 and "me" philosophy doesn't fit in with Christ philosophy
20:58 of what a church is
21:00 because it's about reflecting what he gave to us
21:04 we are to be of one mind
21:07 first Peter 3 and verse 8
21:27 compassionate,tender-hearted
21:31 courteous;that's awesome, isn't it?
21:34 that's what we wanna be about
21:37 that's what this is all about, that's what life is all about
21:41 I received another call
21:45 a call from my mother again
21:48 a call about my other grandfather,her father
21:52 he was sick
21:54 again it came at a time when I was extremely busy
21:58 it came at a time when so much was pressing in on me
22:01 he was in a hospital,my mum said
22:04 it would be great if I could give him a call
22:07 I said ok,this had happened before,
22:09 he'd been in the hospital before
22:12 I'd received calls from my mum before
22:14 mums do that kind of thing
22:15 they are given permission
22:16 to negace a little bit about calling our loved ones
22:20 and so I excepted her number,I said:I'll call
22:22 the truth was,I was so busy
22:25 I said:you know,I'm not gonna get around this right away
22:27 but I put it on my deck and I said:I'll call on Thursday
22:30 my mum called back
22:33 the next day
22:35 and I again was kind of busy
22:38 and I said:
22:39 you know,mum,I'm gonna give him a call,I'm gonna call him
22:43 the next time my mother called I got a little perturbed
22:47 I couldn't believe that my mum didn't understand my schedule
22:51 "I'm an important person",so I thought
22:53 I'm very busy
22:55 but this time the phone call was different
22:58 this time the call was very different
23:00 because my mum said:
23:03 papa died
23:05 and I said to myself:wait a second,that can't be
23:11 papa can't die
23:12 I haven't gold[?] it yet
23:16 the very sad moment when I realized that
23:20 I've been so caught up in busy-ness
23:22 that I had not taken the time
23:25 to do what mattered
23:27 so,though all the busy-ness
23:29 with all the hectic schedule
23:31 with all the crazy things going on
23:33 I cancelled everything
23:37 what had been too important to call
23:40 now was insignificant
23:42 and I cancelled everything and went to papa's funersl
23:46 and I finally got to tell papa what I wanted to tell him
23:50 but papa didn't hear
23:52 why do we wait?
23:56 I wonder also
23:59 I had always thought there would be the other opportunities
24:02 to talk to my papa
24:03 about Jesus
24:05 I always assumed there would be other opportunities
24:07 to sit down and make sure he knew about
24:09 the love of Christ
24:11 I always assumed there'd be another day
24:14 now,I was overwhelmed with the funeral
24:16 wondering:did papa know Jesus?
24:20 why didn't I talk to him about Jesus
24:23 why did I put it off, why do we wait?
24:25 why do we put off all these things that we need to do today
24:30 till other times?
24:32 why?
24:34 at the funeral I realized
24:38 that life was too short
24:41 to let it go on
24:43 without concentrating on every day
24:46 someone once gave an illustration
24:48 he accounted as the Bible accounts,
24:51 seventy years for a person to live
24:53 and multiplied that by
24:54 52 weeks
24:55 and it came up with the number of Sabbaths
24:57 that a person was estimated to live
24:59 of course, people live longer than that
25:00 but that's our goal
25:02 and it put marbles
25:03 in a container
25:04 for the number of weeks
25:06 that he had remaining until he reached seventy years
25:09 every week he would reach in and [?] marble out
25:13 indicating that that week had gone
25:15 what had he done for Christ that week?
25:18 I was to do the same thing
25:21 so I did the same thing
25:23 I was getting used MNMs
25:24 and I decided not
25:26 to eat my years before that happened
25:28 so I used beans
25:30 and I counted the number of years that I had
25:32 and every week I pulled out a bean
25:34 and I said to myself:
25:36 what have I done with this week
25:37 that God has given me
25:38 what have I done with this time
25:40 that it's been given
25:41 and granted to me?
25:43 sometimes I find myself reaching in and realizing that
25:46 the last week has drifted by
25:48 and I haven't spent any time with God
25:50 haven't spent any time with family
25:53 and it's a gentle reminder
25:54 now,some people say:
25:56 what happens if you get past seventy?
25:57 praise God!
25:58 praise the Lord,people live to 110
26:00 the gentleman that told the illustration
26:03 he started putting the marbles back in
26:05 after each week
26:06 as a special reminder
26:08 that that was a special gift
26:10 given to him by God
26:12 what would be our legacy
26:14 what will they remember
26:16 when our days on life are gone?
26:19 will they remember you drove a big car?
26:21 will they remember what job you had?
26:23 will they remember how much money you had?
26:25 will they remember how you looked?
26:27 what is the legacy that we want to live
26:31 for Christ?
26:32 I pray that it's a legacy of love
26:35 of loving other people
26:37 of caring
26:38 there's a precious song
26:40 that's entitled:"what would be said
26:43 when it's all said and done?"
26:45 reading the words
26:47 "when the music fades
26:49 into the past
26:51 when my days of life are through
26:53 what will be remembered
26:55 of where I've come
26:57 when all is said and done
26:58 will they say I loved my family?
27:01 that I was a faithful friend?
27:04 that I lived to tell of God's own son?
27:08 when all is said and done?
27:11 how I long to see the hour
27:15 when I will hear the trumpet sound
27:17 and rise to see my Saviour's face
27:19 and see his smile
27:20 and hear him say:
27:22 well done!
27:23 you can forget my names
27:25 and all the songs I've sung
27:26 every rhyme and every tune
27:28 but remember the truth
27:30 of Jesus' love
27:32 when all is said and done"
27:36 friends,what's most important:
27:40 our relationships
27:42 loving God with all your heart
27:45 with all your soul and loving others for him
27:47 thank you for watching
27:48 and may we put people first
27:50 in all things
27:53 and love for ourself


Revised 2014-12-17