Participants: Rowland Nwsou
Series Code: FC
Program Code: FC000323
00:31 Hello, my name is Pastor Rowland C. Nwosu
00:36 and this is Faith Chapel. I'm the Pastor of
00:39 the Seventh-day Adventist Church,
00:41 All Nations African Church in San Bernardino,
00:45 California, and the president of the Adventist
00:47 hour international ministries. In a world
00:51 where 50% or even more of our marriages
00:57 are ending up in divorce, in a society where
01:02 homicide, crime have infested our society.
01:10 In a society when, and where the prisons are
01:14 filled with young people. I want to share
01:17 with you today something that I've caught,
01:20 that I've entitled how to keep the one you
01:23 love in love with you, how to keep the one
01:27 you love in love with you. Let us pray.
01:31 Dear heavenly Father, we thank you
01:33 because you are love, we thank you for the
01:37 love you have given us to share, help us
01:39 O Father to be able to pass on that love to
01:44 those around us. In Jesus name we pray, amen.
01:51 How to keep the one you love in love with you.
01:56 God is love and God created us in his image
02:03 and that means that he who is love,
02:07 who created us in his image created love.
02:10 So we are love, it is natural to love,
02:13 it is natural to be loved. Therefore to be in
02:17 love, to keep the one you love to be in love
02:20 with you. First thing I want to suggest to us
02:24 is that we need to be loveable ourselves.
02:29 You see everyone wants to be loved and I have
02:31 not seen anybody who does not want to be
02:34 loved and if there is any one who says to you
02:36 I don't want to be loved is because they
02:39 have been loved, they have been hurt by
02:42 somebody who was suppose to love them but
02:44 did not love them. I guarantee you that there
02:49 is in everyone a desire to be loved.
02:54 If you want to be loved, love, be loveable
02:58 yourself, be nice to other people.
03:01 If you want people to smile at you,
03:04 smile at people. If you want people to be
03:06 nice and cordial to you be nice and cordial
03:10 to them. The Bible tells us in Proverbs
03:14 chapter 18:24, that a man or a person who
03:20 has friends must himself be friendly,
03:24 but there is a friend who sticks closer than a
03:31 brother, and in Luke also chapter 6:30 and
03:37 31, Jesus tells us that we must give to
03:45 everyone who asks of us, and from him
03:48 who takes away from your goods do not
03:53 ask them back and just as you want man to
03:57 do you, you also do to them likewise.
04:03 That is to say, that is to say, if you want
04:08 someone to love you, love them.
04:13 What is your attitude toward people?
04:16 How do you feel when you see somebody?
04:23 How you react when you see somebody,
04:26 do you think there is something that we are
04:29 emitting, something that in a way that we're
04:32 coming closer that also make somebody react
04:36 to us the way they do react to us.
04:40 A story is told by actually it was Allen
04:44 Peterson who wrote this, he wrote about
04:47 a newspaper columnist and also who was
04:49 a minister, George Crane tells of a wife
04:54 who came to his office one day full of anger
04:56 and, fury and rage. And she said to him
05:01 you know what I hate my husband,
05:04 I do not want to marry him anymore.
05:07 I want to get rid of him. Tell me how I should
05:10 do this? But before I divorce him I want to
05:14 hurt him, I want to hurt him. I want to make him
05:17 feel the pain that he has been giving to me.
05:22 Dr. Crane, Dr. Crane suggested an ingenious
05:26 plan and that plan I called 'As if plan'
05:31 Dr. Crane suggested to this woman you know,
05:34 go home and act as if you love this man.
05:39 Just act as if for two or three months and
05:42 then you come back and lets revisit this plan.
05:46 You know love him as much as possible,
05:50 go and tell him how much you love him,
05:53 praise him in every decent, for every decent
05:57 trait that he has and just share with him,
06:02 make sure you're kind to him, lovish,
06:05 all kinds of kindness to him. Make sure that
06:09 you yourself enjoy him also and spend all
06:12 effort to please him and to enjoy him.
06:15 Make him believe. The secret is making him
06:18 believe that you love him and then after
06:22 you have convinced him that you love him
06:25 very undyingly and that you cannot live your
06:29 love without him Dr. Crane suggested to him,
06:32 to her, then at that time when you have
06:35 gained his trust that you love him,
06:38 drop him, and then tell him you're getting a
06:42 divorce that will really hurt him.
06:47 Wow! With some smiles on her face she left
06:51 satisfied, she thought she had received the
06:55 advice, that the counseling that she
06:57 needed then she went to work.
07:00 She returned home to tell her husband the
07:08 way somebody who loves someone should
07:11 treat them. Two months passed,
07:15 three months passed, four months passed,
07:17 five months, six months Dr. Crane calls the
07:20 lady and asks, madam, how about the divorce?
07:27 When are you coming to sign the papers?
07:29 The woman's response was, divorce!
07:34 She exclaimed divorce! Never; never,
07:39 I do not want to divorce. I have found out
07:44 that I love this man. What is the lesson here?
07:49 The lesson is that when we love somebody we
07:53 express that love. When we love somebody
07:57 we tell them, we show them, when we expect
08:04 to be loved, let's love as well. Point number 2
08:09 that I want to share with you, to keep the
08:14 one you love in love with you make the
08:18 commitment to love. You see when you make
08:20 a commitment to love someone, it is hard to go
08:25 back on that commitment if you were serious
08:28 in the first place. Let me explain to you,
08:32 you see true love is a gift from God.
08:36 God is love and he gave us the love to share,
08:40 so true love does not have anything to do
08:44 with sex and beauty. True love comes from
08:47 the heart, it's a principle, it's a self
08:50 sacrificing principle. Now when, because
08:54 God is loved, God created us in his image,
08:59 so we also are in the image of God who is
09:04 love. So when we love, when we commit to
09:09 love, we do not love because of something
09:12 we want to gain, we love because we want
09:15 to give and if there is something negative that
09:19 we're getting in our love relationship there is
09:24 that need for us to give, to continue to give,
09:27 just as God gives us, just as God gives us
09:32 even when we do not have what it takes
09:36 for him to love us. Commitment to love,
09:38 if you commit to love, especially this is within
09:42 the context now of marriage. Love, love
09:50 unconditionally, love not hoping to break,
09:55 not to divorce. Love not making plans to
10:01 divorce and end relationships. So if you
10:03 have sinned Jesus, you have sinned the Father,
10:07 you have sinned love. A commitment
10:10 reinforces our choice to forgive when we are
10:14 offended. If you are committed to a
10:17 relationship you will forgive the one you love.
10:21 There is story about two friends.
10:24 Two friends, who went traveling and they
10:28 somehow they went through a desert,
10:31 and during some point in that journey one
10:34 of the friends slapped his best friend.
10:38 So, he was so much hurt that he stoop down
10:41 and wrote on the sand today my best friend
10:45 slapped me in the face. And they continued
10:50 going on their journey, but somehow they
10:53 found an oasis in the desert and they went
10:57 to cool off and wash and clean and drink
11:01 some water, somehow something happened
11:04 that the friend who was slapped got stuck
11:07 in the mud and was about to sink and his
11:09 friend came out to rescue him, pulled him out.
11:15 So as they went he saw a stone and he
11:18 carved on that stone. Today my best friend
11:24 saved my life. Now his friend said to him,
11:28 why the first time you wrote on the sand?
11:33 But now that I saved your life you wrote on
11:37 the stone, his friend turned around and said
11:40 to him. The lesson here is that we must learn
11:46 to write our hurts in the sand of our lives,
11:51 but to carve our benefits and our blessings on
11:56 the stones of our lives. A story is told of
12:04 a woman and there are many women who are
12:08 hurting in relationships of marriage.
12:12 This woman is being beaten up and has
12:14 been abused and needed to get out of that
12:17 situation, but she was not just wanting to
12:23 get out but she wanted to get even.
12:26 She wanted to pay back; she ended up
12:32 having a stroke in a very difficult situation.
12:36 So there is no doubt that in a relationship
12:39 where commitment, where a marriage,
12:42 a saying in marriage situation, we don't have
12:45 to continue to remain in a situation where our
12:50 lives are in danger. When I talk about
12:54 commitment, it is the commitment to God as a
12:59 principle, the love that God has given us.
13:03 I hate to see a woman die, I hate to see a
13:06 child die, I hate to see a man die living in
13:10 a difficult situation. It is said, it takes a
13:18 minute to find a special person, an hour to
13:23 appreciate them, a day to love them,
13:27 and a life time to forget them. That is why
13:33 we must make commitments that our God
13:40 centered. For those of you who might be
13:44 contemplating marriage before you make any
13:46 life time commitment, be careful,
13:49 pray hard and make sure you are.
13:52 That the relationship you're getting to is
13:54 something that the Lord supports and that the
13:58 Lord will welcome and the Lord will honor.
14:01 Let us make out time for those we love.
14:05 Let's not value the things that we have in our
14:09 life, but value who we have in life.
14:14 In our lives, if you want your friend to
14:17 be committed to you, you commit to your friend
14:21 also. In Luke chapter 6:30 and 31 that we read
14:26 already, he says just as you want men to
14:30 do to you, do them also likewise.
14:35 The third, the third thing I want to suggest
14:39 to you, if you want to keep those you
14:40 love in love with you, cultivate inner values.
14:44 You see before you can even give love,
14:47 before you can show love, there is a need
14:51 for you to know, to have a base, to cultivate
14:54 inner core values. What are these values I'm
14:57 talking about? These are things that make
14:59 you who you are, the values, call it family
15:03 values, call it Bible values, call it Christian
15:05 values, but family values are derived from God.
15:10 These are gifts that God have given us.
15:13 These are standards of judgment and standards
15:18 of value that we have, that are based on the
15:23 scripture, on the word of God. God said in
15:28 Isaiah chapter 55:8, 9, that's our thoughts it
15:36 says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
15:40 nor are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
15:45 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
15:47 so are my ways higher than your ways,
15:50 and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
15:55 So your goals, God gave us these values and
15:59 the heart of man is evil and desperately wicked,
16:02 so when, so as God's children values must be
16:05 God centered, it must be biblical, it must be
16:08 based on the word of God. The standard by
16:11 which our values are judged, are the standards
16:15 of God as the scripture has described it.
16:19 So as Christians our values must be Bible
16:22 centered, God centered and it is our values,
16:27 our inner values that determines for us how
16:30 we speak to people, inner values and those
16:34 core values that determine what we wear
16:36 to church, where we, how we, whether we
16:40 should return our tithe or not, what movies,
16:43 if any we should watch at all. It is those
16:46 inner values, those inner values determine
16:49 who we live with, how we live in our lives
16:53 and in our bed rooms, those inner values
16:55 determine whether we are to shekel or shake
17:00 with somebody or to who our roommates are
17:03 to be. Those values also determine whether
17:06 we divorce are not divorce or whether we
17:10 pick a roommate and why and how and all
17:13 those things, those are inner values that
17:17 must be based on scripture and that is why
17:19 it is important that when we begin to
17:22 formulate relationship that we match those
17:25 values with those who match our own values
17:32 that the Bible says, poses in a very unique
17:35 way it says don't be unequally yoke with
17:37 unbelievers, those who do not believe what
17:41 you believe in the Lord. Let me turn to the next,
17:48 the next reason, the next point where if you
17:52 really want to keep the one you love in
17:55 love with you, express your love to them.
17:59 Express that love. In Proverbs 25:11,
18:02 the Bible tells us that a word fitly spoken
18:07 is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
18:10 Can you imagine this and someone has said
18:13 that truth without love is cruel, truth without
18:19 love is cruel, love without truth is
18:23 deceptive. How do your express your love to the
18:27 one you love. You know I come from a culture
18:31 where a people felt that, oh don't tell the child
18:35 how good he's doing, otherwise it will enter
18:39 into his head and he's gonna mess up.
18:43 No, I don't believe this, share, tell people
18:46 when they are doing good, they don't just
18:48 need to hear the criticism, when you have
18:50 relationship, what do you share?
18:52 Do you express your love for that person in
18:57 words, in actions, in your random acts of
19:01 kindness, how about your neighbors,
19:03 how about those who live across the street,
19:05 how do you express your love to your spouse.
19:10 Solomon, in Song of Solomon chapter 1,
19:15 chapter 4:1-8, we hear Solomon talking about
19:20 his, describing his wife as fair. It says, behold,
19:27 you are fair my love! Behold, you are fair!
19:32 You have dove's eyes behind your veil.
19:36 Your hair is like a flock of goats, going down
19:41 from Mount Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock
19:44 of shorn sheep which have come up from the
19:47 washing, every one of which bears twins,
19:52 and none is barren among them. Your lips are
19:55 like a strand of scarlet, and your mouth is
19:58 lovely. Your temples behind your veil are like
20:01 a piece of pomegranate. Your neck is like the
20:04 tower of David, built for an armory,
20:07 on which hang a thousand bucklers,
20:10 all shields of mighty men. Your two breasts
20:15 are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, which
20:18 feed among the lilies. Until the day breaks
20:22 and the shadows flee away, I will go my way
20:26 to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of
20:29 frankincense. You are fair my love,
20:32 and there is no spot in you. Come with me
20:36 from Lebanon my spouse, with me from Lebanon.
20:40 Look from the top of Amana, from the top
20:43 of Senir and Hermon from the lions dens,
20:47 from the mountains of the leopards.
20:50 You see even the Bible expresses the fact
20:54 that we need to express our love to our
20:59 spouses, husbands. Do you share, do you
21:05 express your love to your spouse.
21:07 Wives, do you express your love to your
21:09 spouse in this way. In words not just deeds,
21:13 in acts of course. Number five, if we must
21:20 keep those who love us in love with us,
21:23 we need to keep our love pure and maintain
21:26 the appropriate boundaries. You see for
21:29 every love relationship God has placed a
21:32 boundary which must be observed.
21:35 The Bible describes the dynamics and the
21:38 boundaries of such love. There are blessings
21:42 as well as consequences for maintaining that
21:46 boundary as well as going outside of those
21:49 boundaries. There are blessings for keeping
21:51 within the boundaries and curses or consequences
21:54 for saying and going beyond the boundaries,
21:58 which God has already placed in those
22:01 relationships. Let me explain here. There is a
22:05 boundary between the love between a pet and
22:08 the pet owner. There is a boundary between the
22:12 love between a father and a son,
22:15 or between a father and a daughter,
22:17 there is a boundary between the love
22:20 between a husband and his wife.
22:22 There is a boundary between the love between
22:25 the Pastor and his church members;
22:28 there is a boundary between the love between
22:32 church members. Yes, there are also
22:35 boundaries between, the love between classmates,
22:39 between roommates, between people who work
22:42 in offices together. We called as Christians
22:47 to maintain those boundaries. So the
22:50 question is if we must keep the one we love in
22:55 love with us, we must keep, we must maintain
22:58 the boundaries within those relationships,
23:05 that means married people keep your marriage
23:08 pure. Guard jealously those boundaries which
23:13 God has given, other sources contaminate the
23:18 original source and whatever you do at work
23:24 or in your computer or in your relationship
23:28 outside of the home, keep it pure and maintain
23:32 those boundaries. Youth and young adults stay,
23:36 who are single, stay single until you're
23:40 married and don't act like you're married either.
23:44 Children and younger youth stay away from
23:48 that stuff, study and concentrate and pay
23:52 attention to the study and wait and your time
23:55 will come. You'll have enough time and then
24:00 also watch out my space that company,
24:05 for God is watching. First Corinthians 7:8, 9,
24:10 Apostle Paul cautions us to be careful, he says,
24:15 now to the unmarried and to the widows I say,
24:19 it is good for them to stay unmarried as I am,
24:21 but if they cannot control themselves,
24:24 they should marry for it is better to marry than
24:28 to burn with passions. There are divine blessings
24:34 for maintaining those boundaries, Jesus talked
24:37 about it in Matthew chapter 5:8, he says,
24:39 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see
24:43 God. Now having said that I want to offer some
24:48 hope to anyone who has crossed that
24:51 boundary either by mistake or by negligence
24:56 or whatever, but there is promise in First
25:00 John chapter 1:9, 10, Jesus says, Apostle John
25:06 says about Jesus, if we confess our sins,
25:10 if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to
25:14 forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from
25:17 all unrighteousness, and if we say we do not
25:20 have, if we say that we have not sinned,
25:26 we make him a liar and his word is not in us.
25:34 My dear friends, if you want to stay,
25:38 if you want to keep the one you love in love
25:41 with you, maintain those boundaries,
25:46 keep them pure. If you have failed and
25:49 neglected ask the Lord, he will forgive.
25:53 The sixth point I like to share with you.
25:56 If want you to do it, if you need to maintain that
25:59 relationship. Study the best book,
26:02 the best text book on love and that is the
26:05 word of God. God is love and he gave us this
26:09 book. If you want to know how to love,
26:12 read the book. Some people think the Bible is
26:17 not cool to have it, to carry it, it is not cool
26:21 to memorize it, it is not cool to study it,
26:24 but this is the greatest book and it deals with
26:27 love and tells us how we must love.
26:31 If God is love then his book is the ultimate text
26:36 book on love. Make Christ the center and Lord
26:41 of your life, of your love is the seventh.
26:44 You see God is love and love is like a triangle.
26:49 God gave us love and love is not complete until
26:53 we share it and it is returned to God,
26:56 also love from God, love to others and then
27:01 love back to God. You see, we must, if we
27:08 plan to keep those who we love in love with us,
27:11 we must make Christ the center of our love.
27:16 God is love, seek ye first the kingdom of God
27:21 and His righteousness; and all these things
27:24 will be added unto you. If you must keep the
27:27 one you love in love with you be loveable,
27:31 make a commitment to love, cultivate inner
27:34 values, express your love in the right way,
27:38 keep your love pure and maintain the
27:41 appropriate boundaries, study the best text
27:43 book on love, that is the Bible. Make Christ the
27:47 center and the Lord of your love, in doing so he
27:51 will bless you and you will reap the
27:53 benefits of love. For God is love.