Participants: Stephen Bauer
Series Code: FC
Program Code: FC000382
00:30 Welcome to the Faith Chapel of
00:31 ministry of 3ABN. I am Pastor Steve Bauer
00:35 from Southern Adventist University
00:37 located in Collegedale, Tennessee.
00:40 Welcome to today's program
00:42 and I thank you for sharing part
00:43 of your day with us.
00:45 The Ten Commandments are under
00:47 much discussion today and today's
00:50 program I'm going to be examining
00:51 the moral character of the Ten Commandments
00:54 focusing on the Seventh Commandment
00:57 which focuses on sexual morality,
01:00 and the sanctity of marriage.
01:02 But before we begin exploring
01:04 that Commandment, I'd like
01:06 to pause for a word of prayer.
01:10 Lord Jesus, I thank you that you've
01:15 made us fearfully and wonderfully
01:16 made I pray that you'll be with us
01:18 today as we explore this very personal,
01:20 intimate and difficult topic.
01:24 And as we explore I pray you will
01:27 give us new insights into how to form our
01:29 characters to be like yours, because
01:33 the Ten Commandments are an expression
01:35 of your character. Help us see
01:37 how this commandment is an expression
01:40 of your character today as we study it.
01:43 I pray this in the name of Jesus, Amen.
01:49 A good number of years ago I was
01:50 a young Pastor in New York City
01:53 in the early to mid 1980s.
01:57 Now New York City many see us kind
01:59 of the modern Sodom and Gomorrah,
02:01 and there was great truth to that.
02:03 Anything goes in New York and anything
02:05 can be found in New York and so I
02:08 was not surprised when some
02:11 pounded came up with a survey that
02:13 in those days you could probably say
02:15 only in New York and the question was,
02:18 would you sleep with someone other than
02:22 your spouse if you got paid a million
02:25 dollars to do so. When I heard this
02:29 on the news I said, Oh, great this
02:32 is New York City, I wonder what the
02:35 results are gonna be. I was pleasantly
02:38 surprised when even for New Yorkers,
02:43 51 percent said, no, they would not sleep
02:47 with someone they were not married
02:49 to like correction, that they were,
02:51 if they were married they would
02:53 not sleep with someone else even
02:55 if they got paid $1millon.
03:01 I thought this was an excellent question
03:04 for exploring this moral issue and of
03:06 course the bad news is 49 percent
03:08 apparently said, yes they would sleep
03:10 with someone else to get the $1 million
03:13 they apparently felt that the risk to
03:15 the marriage was worth getting
03:17 the million dollars. This question that
03:21 they pose serves as an excellent
03:24 tool to serve out or explore the tension
03:26 between personal desire and moral principles.
03:30 Think about it who wouldn't want to get
03:33 $1 million, how much is my marriage worth.
03:40 Is it worth sacrificing my spouses rights
03:43 to my affections, to get $1 million.
03:48 What an excellent question.
03:51 I don't purpose to you that the
03:52 Ten Commandments were written
03:54 to address such tensions.
03:56 The issue of self interest versus
04:00 others interests and the Ten Commandments
04:02 are written to me as a free moral
04:05 agent to get me to subdue and suppress
04:09 my interest in order to put others'
04:12 interest ahead of my own.
04:14 It addresses me as a free moral
04:17 agent and tells me to restrain and
04:20 restrict myself in order to honor
04:23 the other person's rights.
04:25 Now the seventh commandment
04:27 is dealing with the God given right
04:30 to have the exclusive affections
04:33 including sexual affections of another
04:36 person of the opposite gender,
04:39 that's God's design and every human
04:44 who comes into the world possesses
04:47 that God given right.
04:49 But there is a problem if we try to
04:54 give those affections without a legal
04:57 foundation then we have not established
05:01 the permanency necessary to create
05:04 exclusivity. You see if you don't
05:08 have a legal foundation of the
05:10 marriage and we just give each other
05:13 these affections without that foundation
05:16 we have no guarantee of true
05:18 exclusivity because there is no guarantee
05:21 of permanency but when we established
05:24 a legal foundation through a marriage
05:27 ceremony with a marriage license and
05:30 a marriage certificate. We now have a
05:33 legal claim to permanency that grounds
05:37 the right of exclusivity in this area,
05:41 exclusive commitment and exclusive affection
05:45 one unto the other and to commit adultery
05:50 is a fundamental violation of that
05:54 right, but I would suggest that even
05:57 premarital sex is a violation of the other
06:02 person's right to an exclusive permanent
06:05 relationship with these kind of benefits
06:08 and affections in them.
06:11 This commandment then mirrors
06:13 the first commandment in that it deals
06:16 with exclusive claims. In the first commandment
06:20 God has exclusive claims over us
06:24 that we are to honor and in the
06:26 Bible very often the writers and
06:29 prophets treat our violation of God's
06:33 exclusive claims to sovereignty and
06:36 supremacy in our life and exclusive
06:40 claims to love and affection to God
06:42 are treated like adultery in marriage
06:46 and the metaphor of adultery carries
06:48 over to our relationship with God,
06:50 so these two commandments are very
06:52 intimately related and that both
06:54 are dealing with the exclusive claim
06:57 of another on us. Now it's very
07:01 interesting today that these claims
07:04 are coming under fire in a number
07:06 of ways and we cannot deal with
07:09 them all here. But I would like to
07:11 focus in the traditional marriage
07:15 relationship on both premarital fidelity
07:18 and on marital fidelity within that
07:23 relationship because many marriages
07:26 are ending in divorce today.
07:29 They are losing that permanency that
07:31 is supposed to be the ground
07:33 of that affection and I would
07:36 suggest that maybe one cause
07:40 is that at least one if not both partners
07:43 in the marriage begin to put
07:45 themselves first. And they want
07:48 to force the other to honor their rights
07:52 and their commitments until it turns
07:54 into a power struggle and they
07:56 can't get along with each other.
07:59 You see a funny thing happens
08:01 when we get married, we're in love,
08:05 and we're filled with emotions and we
08:08 can go for a number of years like this
08:10 but then we have that first child
08:13 and that adds financial stress and
08:15 you don't have as much time to devote
08:19 to each other because now there's
08:20 a baby in the mix. And you can't go
08:23 do those spontaneous things anymore.
08:25 And besides now that you've been
08:27 living together for 5 or 6 or 7 years
08:30 you've discovered that, that perfect spouse
08:33 isn't quite so perfect anymore.
08:37 There are some rough edges that come on.
08:41 And we start to get irritated,
08:44 furthermore we have the second child
08:45 and boredom sets in and things like this
08:49 and pretty soon those little arguments
08:52 turn into raw spots that irritate us
08:57 more and more and more and more
09:00 and I just wish he stop nagging me or
09:02 I wish he wouldn't be married to his work,
09:04 you get the idea. This can cause an
09:09 alienation of affection to begin to happen
09:15 and that exclusivity becomes weakened
09:18 as the strength of our affections get
09:22 weakened by anger and these raw spots
09:27 and interruptions and pressures of life.
09:32 Now let's make us a stereotypical scenario.
09:36 We often blame the man as the one
09:38 who goes out and has the affair though
09:40 it happens either way. Suppose he feels
09:46 like his wife complains too much,
09:48 she is the stereotypical nag.
09:50 He is tired of getting nagged,
09:52 she never approves of anything I do.
09:54 She never appreciates my efforts
09:57 in her behalf to provide or rarely does
10:00 and he is feeling henpecked and his
10:03 affection begins to shrink, and then one
10:09 day in the cubicles that work you know,
10:11 we're in the Dilbert office here,
10:12 a new person arrives who happens
10:16 to be a female and as they get acquainted
10:20 she says something nice you know
10:22 you have a nice tie or you know,
10:25 you look nice or you did a nice job
10:27 on that project or something like that
10:29 and he is just starving for that kind
10:32 of comment at home. And so when it comes
10:34 from this other woman, this affirming
10:38 comment he will tend to react with
10:42 a sense of attraction to her, oh,
10:45 I wish she could be my wife instead
10:47 of my wife because she does not nag me.
10:51 And then another comment, and
10:53 another comment and more and more
10:55 this attraction grows toward this other
10:58 woman because she is doing things
11:00 that his wife isn't doing.
11:02 Now what he is forgetting is that
11:04 he seeing this woman in a professional
11:06 setting, he's not seeing her whole
11:08 person. He's being attracted to one trait,
11:14 and if he would identify the fact
11:16 that he is really not attracted to her,
11:19 he's attracted to this trait that his
11:22 wife seems to be deficient in,
11:24 it would health cut that sense of
11:27 attraction and temptation to the
11:30 other person, but suppose he doesn't
11:32 make that distinction and he tries
11:36 to resist his attraction but they
11:38 continue talk and of course he makes
11:40 reciprocal comments you know you look
11:43 nice and you did a nice job and so
11:45 forth and maybe she's feeling
11:47 neglected at home that her husband
11:49 doesn't pay attention to her,
11:51 doesn't appreciate her mind, you know, etc.
11:54 And here's a man now who is affirming
11:56 her in these areas professionally
11:59 but she doesn't confuse that and
12:02 she responds with attraction to him
12:04 but they resist in work. We're not going
12:06 to get into any kind of inappropriate
12:08 relationship and on it goes but pretty
12:11 soon they start confiding more and
12:13 more in each other and what's happening
12:16 is not only has affection alienated
12:20 at home or is in the process but now
12:23 they're starting to redirected it toward
12:26 this third party outside the marriage.
12:29 And they start to invest more and
12:32 more emotionally into this person
12:35 and confide more and we're gonna
12:38 be like a brother and sister and it
12:40 goes from there and suddenly they
12:42 end up in bed when they never intended to.
12:48 Now what happens? It usually end
12:52 up with a divorce. So there are a number
12:55 of ways that this can happen where
12:57 we lose track of those exclusive claims
13:00 and one thing that's been helpful
13:03 to me is that when I feel that sense
13:06 of attraction for someone, a woman
13:07 not my wife is because I can identify
13:11 I can identify the issue that I need
13:12 to go talk to my wife about it.
13:13 Honey, we got a problem here,
13:16 I am frustrated we need to talk
13:18 about this. That's what saves marriage
13:23 and helps us honor our commitments
13:26 before God to that spouse.
13:30 Now Jesus spoke about this issue
13:33 in Matthew 19 on divorce, you
13:36 see the religious leaders of his day
13:38 came to him and they were trying
13:41 to trap him and his answer to them
13:45 is quite interesting dealing with the
13:48 permanency of marriage. He comes on
13:50 them in Matthew 19 and I believe we're
13:52 starting in verse 3, And the Pharisees
13:55 came up to him and tested him by asking,
13:57 Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for
13:59 any cause? He answered, have you not
14:02 read that he who made them from
14:04 the beginning made them male and
14:05 female, and said, For this reason,
14:09 he is quoting Genesis chapter 2 here,
14:10 For this reason a man shall leave his
14:13 father and mother and be joined
14:15 to his wife, and the two shall become
14:18 one flesh? So they are no longer
14:21 two but one flesh. What therefore
14:24 God has joined together, let no man
14:28 put asunder. They said to him,
14:31 why then did Moses command one
14:33 to give a certificate of divorce,
14:35 and put her away? He said to them,
14:38 Because of the Hardness of your heart
14:40 Moses allowed you to divorce your wives,
14:44 but from the beginning it was
14:46 not so. And I say to you: whoever
14:49 divorces his wife, except for unchastity,
14:53 and marries another, commits adultery.
14:59 You see the Pharisees were
15:02 approaching the problem how can I
15:04 I get out of my marriage, they were
15:06 looking for the loophole to get out
15:08 of those challenges and problems that
15:10 would free them to go to greener
15:12 pastures, but Jesus called them
15:15 to God's fundamental design and
15:18 claim for marriage that this was
15:20 to be a permanent relationship,
15:22 what God has joined together let know
15:25 man put asunder. And the only ground
15:30 that Jesus gives is sexual unfaithfulness
15:34 which is the ultimate violation of that
15:37 intimate exclusivity that the other
15:41 has a right too. It is interesting today
15:49 that people view sexual expression
15:52 as a means of demonstrating their
15:55 self ownership and when I own myself
15:58 I can sleep with whomever, whatever
16:01 gender, whenever I want. It is an
16:04 expression of self expression of myself
16:08 it is not an expression of an exclusive
16:12 commitment to each other. Paul expressed
16:16 that in the opposite of that in First
16:19 Corinthians chapter 6, and I think
16:22 he was way ahead of his time in
16:24 recognizing the thigh of sexual expression
16:27 to self ownership. First Corinthians 6
16:31 verse 18, Shun immorality is dealing
16:34 with sexual immorality. The context is that
16:37 we shouldn't be visiting prostitutes.
16:39 Every other sin which a man commits
16:42 is outside the body; but the immoral
16:46 man sins against his own body.
16:48 Do you not know that your body
16:50 is a temple of the Holy Spirit
16:52 within you, which you have from God?
16:54 You are not your own; you were bought
16:58 with a price. So glorify God in your
17:02 body. It is very interesting that Paul
17:05 says we should not be sexually unfaithful
17:09 to God's standards and the precise
17:11 reason is we don't own ourselves.
17:15 God own us because Christ brought
17:19 us on Calvary, and when we render to God,
17:24 honor to those exclusive claims
17:27 of his ownership of us, we cannot
17:30 do so while sleeping around and
17:33 violating the rights of others to that
17:36 exclusive relationship.
17:39 Adultery then is a fundamental violation
17:42 of that relationship and of that right,
17:47 of the other person to the exclusivity.
17:51 You first of all violate your spouse's
17:54 right, but the person you have the affair
17:57 with their right is also violated because
18:00 affairs are never permanent.
18:03 They always come to an end.
18:06 And so you violate the lover's rights
18:09 and your spouse's rights when you
18:12 have those affairs and commit adultery
18:17 and by the way most affairs last
18:21 no more than two years. They run on emotion,
18:25 the Gary Chapman from Moody
18:27 calls the tingles and when the tingles
18:29 run out the affair runs out.
18:32 And the tingles usually last on
18:34 average around 18 months,
18:37 rarely more than 24, and then the
18:40 affair comes to the end.
18:41 And so you by having an affair violating
18:45 not only your spouse but you violate
18:47 the person that you enter the affair
18:51 with because neither is permanent
18:55 and exclusive. Now the sexual drive and
18:59 sexual desires are one of the most primitive
19:03 fundamental instincts in our nature,
19:08 and God says, he wants you and he
19:12 wants me to surrender and suppress
19:15 those drives enough that we do
19:18 not violate the rights of others in this area.
19:27 Now the other point I want to make
19:31 is that most affairs are based on an unmet
19:36 need in the marriage, which I've already
19:40 illustrated and they confuse those needs
19:44 with attraction to the person, therefore,
19:47 if we can name the issue it gives us
19:51 what to focus on in building our marriage
19:56 with our spouse. I'd like to move to
19:59 another angle where we can violate
20:01 others people rights with this
20:03 commandment that is the issue of pornography.
20:07 Yes, in pornography I'm not touching
20:09 the other person and I'm not getting
20:12 into bed with them but I am still
20:14 perusing illicit material that should be
20:23 reserved for that exclusive permanent
20:26 relationship with the woman or
20:29 man that I'm viewing and I cannot
20:31 have that. Pornography by its very
20:33 nature violates that, first of all you
20:36 as the consumer, violate your spouse
20:38 or your future spouse and then you
20:41 violate the porn star, so either way
20:45 you cut it. This is a very sensitive and
20:48 personal area and God calls us to put
20:52 their right first and even if I want
20:54 to look at the porn star, at least
20:56 I should respect her rights enough
21:00 not to violate her by getting involved
21:03 in that viewing of it. I should restrain
21:06 myself that way. But this also calls
21:11 to people who are still single. You see,
21:15 you have a God given right to an
21:18 exclusive commitment of affection including
21:23 the sexual dimension from someone
21:25 of the opposite gender and the people
21:28 you date likewise have that same right
21:33 so why wait for marriage? You see if
21:39 we do not respect each others rights
21:41 prior to the marriage we weaken the
21:45 ground of expectation that those rights
21:47 will be honored in the marriage.
21:55 When we sleep and touch and so forth
21:59 prior to marriage, we are De Facto
22:02 saying that these items are no
22:04 longer reserved for the marriage.
22:08 Now I admit that there's more than one
22:10 way to kiss someone or hug someone.
22:12 I don't hug my sister the way I hug my wife.
22:19 So there is appropriate familial
22:22 type touch that can be similar to the touch
22:25 we have with the spouse and yet
22:27 different and we instinctively know
22:29 that difference. The point is that when we
22:32 go pass that familial touch to marital type
22:35 touch we are violating the rights of our
22:40 date if we have not established the grounds
22:44 of a permanent relationship with them.
22:47 Let me illustrated this way, let's turn
22:52 to Genesis chapter 39, in Genesis chapter 39,
22:57 we have the story of Joseph and
22:58 Mrs. Potiphar which illustrates the
23:01 principle I've just been showing you.
23:04 At the very end of verse 6, it says now
23:07 Joseph was handsome and good-looking.
23:10 When you get that phrase in the Bible
23:12 that someone is handsome or beautiful
23:13 you know trouble is coming.
23:15 We continue now on verse 7, And
23:18 after a time his master's wife cast
23:20 her eyes upon Joseph, and said,
23:22 "Lie with me." But he refused and
23:26 said to his master's wife, "Lo,
23:28 having me my master has no concern about
23:31 anything in the house, and he has put
23:34 everything he has in my hand.
23:39 And Joseph understands that Mrs. Potiphar
23:43 is trying to ask him to do something
23:45 very inappropriate. She wants to play
23:48 with him for the stimulation and fun
23:51 and games, not as the exclusive
23:55 expression of love to someone she loves.
23:58 And so Joseph has a very,
24:02 very interesting response to her.
24:05 We go to the end of the verse 8 on
24:09 in the verse 10, He says to her,
24:12 "Lo, having me my master has no
24:16 concern about anything in the house,
24:18 he has put everything he has in my hand.
24:21 He is not greater in this house than I am,
24:24 nor has he kept back anything from me."
24:28 You see Joseph understood that there
24:31 was more at stake then fun and games.
24:35 He understood that Potiphar had trusted
24:37 him with certain things. In fact,
24:41 he put Joseph in-charge of everything
24:43 in the home. Joseph was his hired slave,
24:47 but there was one thing that he didn't
24:49 give Joseph access to and that was
24:53 Mrs. Potiphar. And Joseph argues that
24:57 exclusivity. He has trusted everything
25:00 into my hand except you Mrs. Potiphar,
25:06 and then he says, how can I conduct
25:09 this great sin against and what are
25:12 you expecting? I would be expecting
25:15 Potiphar, right. He's framed the discussion
25:18 in terms of Potiphar. Potiphar has given
25:20 me this great trust, the only thing he has
25:22 kept back for me is privileges with you,
25:24 how could I violate Potiphar that will be
25:29 good argument won't it. Now Joseph instead
25:35 though suddenly shifts to God.
25:38 How could I sin, do this great sin against,
25:42 not just Potiphar but God. You see it
25:48 violates God given rights and therefore
25:52 it violates God's right of authority.
25:58 And Joseph says no. I was talking
26:02 to a student after class one day
26:07 and I showed her this passage in Genesis 39,
26:11 and we talked about exclusive rights but
26:14 she was very resistant. If I really love my
26:17 boyfriend why can't we do it now,
26:19 why wait for marriage? And she
26:23 was a tough cookie and I couldn't get
26:26 through to her and I was praying to
26:28 the Holy Spirit to give me a way to get
26:31 to her heart and finally he gave me
26:34 a series of questions. I said to her,
26:40 are you dating? Well, she had just broken
26:43 up so she is not dating anyone. And I said,
26:46 do you hope to get married some day? Oh!
26:48 Yes, she planned to get married some day.
26:51 Do you know who you are going to
26:52 get marry to? No, I don't know who I'm
26:55 going to get married to. But you want
26:59 to get married? Yeah. I asked her
27:02 another question, I said, when you get
27:04 married, do you want you are marriage
27:07 to end in divorce? Oh! No, she was
27:11 down right offended at that one.
27:12 If I get married I want it to last forever.
27:15 I don't want it to end in divorce.
27:17 I said, very good I comment your desire.
27:19 I have one more question for you.
27:24 What will it do for your marriage if
27:27 you can say to your spouse I loved you
27:31 enough before I knew who you were
27:34 to be faithful to you. She was dead silent
27:41 and I repeated my question again,
27:43 what will it do for your spouse if you can
27:47 say to them I love them enough to
27:50 do be faithful to you before I married you.