Participants: Alanzo & June Smith
Series Code: FFH
Program Code: FFH00001A
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00:05 With each new day families are failing and homes are
00:09 broken, marriages are threatened, fathers are absent. 00:13 Children are rebellious but all is not lost. 00:17 Homes can be healed and hearts can be mended. 00:21 Let's reclaim our Families 4 Heaven. 00:32 Thank you for watching Families 4 Heaven. 00:35 I'm Alonzo Smith and my co-host is June Smith. 00:40 We're sharing with you today the topic of the 00:44 Vicious Rage of Suicide. 00:46 Unfortunately many people get weighted down by 00:52 life's challenges. 00:54 Sometimes they think they are trapped and there 00:57 is no way out. 00:59 Today we are here to talk about suicide. 01:02 We would like to say that suicide is never an option. 01:08 Before we go into this discussion, I want to let you 01:12 know that we are very cognisant of the fact, this 01:17 topic will evoke anger, hurt, pain, sadness, 01:26 and painful memories. 01:29 So we will do our best being cognisant to that fact. 01:33 We will do our best to approach the subject with care 01:37 and in any way we can help to bring some soothing to your 01:41 soul, we will. 01:43 Because we are family therapists, we have dealt 01:46 with this with this case of this situation so many times 01:50 so we do understand. 01:51 In United States of America, suicide is the 11th leading 01:58 cause of death. 02:00 That gives you an idea of how prevalent it is 02:06 in our society. 02:08 The reality is that among young people, 15 to 24, 02:14 it is the second-leading cause of death. 02:18 To put this in perspective you have over 32,000 people 02:25 who take their lives annually. 02:28 So for every two murders in the US, we have three 02:33 people committing suicide. 02:35 It is said that men's suicide is four times more 02:42 than female suicide. 02:44 Now 1 in 5 high school students often think about 02:48 taking their lives. 02:51 The sad fact is that 1 in 6 have a plan of how they 02:57 want to take their lives. 02:59 And while not all who think about suicide will actually 03:03 carry it out, 1 in 13 of them make an attempt. 03:08 Looking at this kind of statistic, it seems as if 03:13 adolescents see this as a viable option. 03:21 What can you say to young people listening to us now that 03:25 indeed this is not really an option? 03:28 Weekly I talk to young people who are depressed, 03:33 Who are sad about whatever it is that is causing their pain. 03:39 Frequently one of the options they think about is 03:44 ending their life. 03:46 I would like to say to adolescents especially, 03:49 because sometimes they feel left alone, sometimes 03:52 they feel rejected, some of the times they think 03:54 there is nobody to talk to, but there is always help. 03:59 All you have to do is talk to somebody, your school 04:03 counselor, a social worker, your religious leader, 04:07 your parents, a friend, grandparents, somebody who 04:12 will be able to get you help. 04:14 As we talk about this sensitive topic suicide, we have 04:18 with us our guest, Miss Pamella Simpson, 04:21 Won't you help me welcome her. 04:28 Pam we thank you for coming on our show. 04:31 As I talk with you, you were a mother, a professional mother, 04:38 successful and things were going well. 04:41 Happy, beautiful and then all of that changed one November 04:47 morning, could you share with us what happened? 04:51 I somehow found out that my son was not going to school 04:58 and it led to a little squabble, parent-child. 05:07 He admitted he was not going to school and that he was 05:14 being deceptive because he led me to believe that he was 05:19 going to school daily and here it was in November I am 05:25 learning that he hadn't been going. 05:27 We had a little bit of a heated discussion on the topic 05:35 and he got up and got dressed. 05:39 I said where are you going, and he said to kill myself. 05:44 Just like that? 05:45 Yeah, calmly and I thought he was being facetious. 05:52 So I said I will bury you and he walked out the door. 05:58 As he was leaving my niece was coming into my house and 06:04 she said, what is the matter? 06:08 I told her, this is an adult niece, and she said I don't 06:12 like the feeling. 06:14 She turned around and got in her car and went after him. 06:19 Before you continue, I just want to know if there is 06:23 anything significant with the response 06:25 she gave as a parent. 06:27 Her son, what ever he was upset about, when he was 06:32 leaving she asked where are you going? 06:34 He said, nonchalantly, I'm going to kill myself. 06:39 She said, I'll bury you, again in a nonchalant way. 06:44 What is your perspective on that? 06:48 I think it's a very familiar response, and many 06:51 parents that have not had an experience with this, many 06:55 times you are not even aware that this is an option 06:59 young people think about. 07:00 So when they have a conflict with their child and the 07:03 child were to say something like I'm going to kill 07:06 myself, you think well they are just being rude, 07:09 or just being facetious as you would say. 07:11 So it is very common response that a parent would think 07:14 nothing further. 07:17 So you are saying that it is not that the parent was 07:21 insensitive, it is not a case where she doesn't care and 07:25 here was a child giving a clear, and she just ignored it. 07:29 I am saying that it is very common that a child would 07:34 respond that way and a parent would think 07:35 nothing further. 07:37 Because the last thing you want to accommodate your 07:40 thoughts that your child could be serious about saying 07:43 something like that. 07:44 Continue Pam. 07:48 He left the house and my niece went after him and she 07:52 came back shortly and said, she was driving and he was 07:56 on foot, and he went up a one-way street and when she 08:00 finally could turn the car around and headed in the 08:04 direction he was headed she lost him. 08:07 So she came back to the house and I sort of sensed an 08:13 uneasiness and I called the police. 08:16 When they came I had nothing more to tell them then 08:22 what I have just told you. 08:24 So they really had nothing to go on, so they said 08:27 they would drive around the neighborhood and see if 08:29 they could find him. 08:31 They came back maybe an hour or so later and rang my 08:38 doorbell, I did not see him with them. 08:42 I knew something was terribly wrong. 08:45 But up to this point, it was just 08:48 an empty feeling inside. 08:52 Pamella: yes 08:53 you don't know what, it could've been a car crash, 08:56 could have been anything, but it is just that you did 08:59 not see your son with the police. 09:03 So no doubt in your mind now was why were they coming 09:08 back a second time and were not coming to say here's 09:13 the boy you have been saying you can't find. 09:19 This should be an empty hollow feeling going on 09:24 at this stage. 09:26 At that point what is happening is that the ideas 09:30 and thoughts are now beginning to be set. 09:35 You heard your son say he is going to kill himself. 09:40 The idea of killing himself just started to resonate 09:44 and when you saw the cops when you reported the case 09:48 and he was not there the thoughts occur to you that 09:51 it could be something serious. Pamella: Yes. 09:56 So the police was at your door. Pamella: Yes. 10:00 My son was not there so that was not a good sign. 10:06 They then told me to come with them because they 10:12 wanted me to check if this was my son. 10:17 So I went with them. 10:19 When I went, I think, I'm not quite clear but I know 10:25 I made a call to my pastor who was at the scene before 10:31 I got to the scene, I do not remember. 10:33 I do remember that by the time I got there he was there. 10:42 He was with one of the elders from the church. 10:46 He took me back home and made a phone call to 10:54 the church, and the church folks came running. 11:03 Now you didn't tell us what you saw when you went there. 11:11 My son had jumped off a building, so they just showed me 11:18 his face and the police were very sensitive, I must give 11:24 them credit and they were glad my pastor was there to 11:29 deal with the issue. 11:34 June: I can understand how difficult it must be to talk 11:39 about it, but we are trying to help other parents. 11:42 Tell us what was your immediate response? 11:49 Shock, disbelief, questions. 11:54 During the time that the police left and before they came back, 12:01 I prayed and asked God for a miracle for a change and 12:06 let it not be, just be angry words spoken and nothing 12:11 that would be fulfilled. 12:12 I prayed, I really did. 12:14 June: and now you are facing that reality? 12:18 Pamella: Yes. 12:20 This is now your reality, you cannot deny, 12:25 you saw the facts. 12:28 Were you alone or did you get help? 12:33 Immediately after? 12:35 Did you have a support system? 12:38 Pamella: my church. 12:40 Okay, did you find out that they were very helpful? 12:42 Were they there for you? 12:44 Pamella: they were my best friends, the church they were 12:48 very supportive, very comforting, a true bridge over 12:52 troubled Waters. 12:54 Alonzo: if you have a best friend, and that best friend 12:57 was dear to you, it is okay to say his or her name if 13:01 you feel comfortable doing it. 13:02 Joliette McFarland. 13:06 Alonzo: Joliette McFarlane, she was there as your best friend. 13:10 A Bridge over troubled water. 13:11 It is always good to have a best friend, and to have good 13:16 friends, and to have church members, other support systems 13:21 from your community, because no one knows when 13:25 tragedy will strike. 13:28 When that happens you do need to have a support system. 13:34 My family, my sister in law, because at a time like that 13:40 you go into automatic pilot and you do what you have to 13:46 do but you are really not thinking. 13:48 You are doing things spontaneously rather than 13:52 through a thought process. 13:54 Is there anything you could say to parents who are 14:02 watching this program, 14:04 1. they may have gone through a similar situation. 14:08 2. they might see some troubling signs. 14:12 3. they might just be parents out there. 14:15 Is there anything that you could say that might help 14:17 them through this situation or their crisis? 14:20 Through their crisis, faith. 14:27 You need family support, you need a friend, 14:31 and you have to keep a connection with God. 14:34 For me this was a testing of my faith. 14:39 I blamed God, I beat up on God, I questioned Him. 14:45 Alonzo: so you are angry at God? 14:47 I was very angry at God. 14:50 June: after you saw the effects of your son's loss, 14:54 did you feel any guilt? 14:59 Pamella: yes, I felt guilt for the comments I made right 15:03 before he went out the door. 15:05 I blamed myself for all sorts of things. 15:14 June: but you now know that you are not responsible for 15:16 the choice he made? Pamella: yes. 15:19 You said you are angry at God. 15:21 Did He at any time reveal Himself to you? 15:24 I think, I am so thankful that we serve a big God. 15:34 Who is not afraid when we get angry. 15:39 He says, let's reason together and when we are angry with 15:45 Him, He has a way of dealing with us on a very personal 15:53 level and I remember one day after the burial and life 15:59 started to return to whatever is supposed to be normal 16:05 at this point. 16:07 I was going to work and I was very, very depressed. 16:13 I had to be at work by 4:30 in the afternoon and I 16:19 wanted some macaroni and cheese. 16:23 But I stayed in bed too long and was not in the mood or 16:28 have the energy, so before I knew at the time went by 16:34 and I did make my macaroni and cheese. 16:36 So now I am on my way to work and I'm kind of hungry. 16:42 I didn't get my macaroni and cheese. 16:44 During this time you're still angry with God? 16:46 Pamella: I am angry with God. 16:48 I was driving, speeding, and as I'm driving on the 16:57 highway and going downtown I'm going toward 16:59 the World Trade Center. 17:02 I said to God if you care about me, show me. 17:09 I want a free parking this evening. 17:12 If you care about me, give me free parking this evening. 17:18 So I drove to work and I'm crying and I am angry with 17:23 Him and I got downtown to Warren Street by the 17:30 World Trade Center. 17:32 I turned on Warren and I am double parked and I sit in 17:38 the car and still crying. 17:40 It seems as though I dozed off or something and the next 17:45 thing I knew a man is tapping on my car and he said to 17:50 me, would you like a parking space? 17:53 Hold it there, so you asked God, you're angry with Him, 17:57 you journey to work, you're working down in Manhattan, 18:00 no parking spaces down there, you know the problem. 18:05 So you just say to God okay, I'm angry with you, but if 18:08 You want me to get back with You, give me a parking. 18:12 Something like that, I thought I'd give Him a little 18:17 trouble today. 18:18 Well we are talking to Pam and it is a very important 18:22 topic we are going to take a break when we come back we 18:25 will hear the rest of Pam's story. |
Revised 2014-12-17