Participants: Alanzo & June Smith
Series Code: FFH
Program Code: FFH00002A
00:04 With each new day families are failing and homes are
00:08 broken, marriages are threatened, fathers are absent.
00:13 Children are rebellious but all is not lost.
00:17 Homes can be healed and hearts can be mended.
00:21 Let's reclaim our Families 4 Heaven.
00:33 Thank you for watching Families 4 Heaven.
00:37 I'm Alanzo Smith And my host is June Smith.
00:42 We are going to be discussing with you divorce,
00:46 An Emotional Blow.
00:49 A divorce is painful.
00:53 Everyone who has experienced will testify that sometimes
00:57 it feels like an amputation.
01:00 Tonight we are going to talk a little about what a family
01:04 goes through when a divorce occurs?
01:09 Here in the United States of America, in one year alone
01:13 We had over 2.5 million marriages.
01:16 In that same year we have 1.2 million divorces.
01:23 So we're saying that almost 20 million of these marriages
01:29 end in a divorce.
01:31 Yes, as a matter of fact, the divorce rate is anywhere
01:35 from 40, 45 to 50%, and that is very, very high.
01:43 Over 1 million children experience a divorce annually.
01:47 So this is not just affecting two adults who are going
01:52 through a separation, but the effect on children are
01:56 often devastating.
01:58 It is said that 75% of the individuals who had a divorce,
02:05 they were at one time happy in their marriage.
02:11 As a matter of fact, for the first five years of their
02:15 marriage they were happy.
02:17 Then after, the divorce comes.
02:19 Now the other fact that is stunning is that 30 to 40% of
02:25 individuals who end up in a divorce are diagnosed with
02:32 some psychological or emotional problems.
02:35 You know this is 3 to 4 times higher than the normal
02:40 population of children who did not experience a divorce.
02:45 So you can understand the traumatizing and devastating
02:50 effect that divorce has on children.
02:52 In fact it is said that is one of the worst experiences
02:57 a child can have.
02:59 And the worst thing about it is that there are many
03:03 parents who have this delusion that divorce does
03:06 not affect children.
03:08 The anger, the lust, the abandonment that one experiences
03:13 when you go through divorce complicates the experience.
03:19 We have with us here Janet, and Janet is our guest.
03:25 Would you help me welcome Janet.
03:32 Janet you were married at a young age, how old were you?
03:39 I was 19 years old.
03:41 19 and the person was?
03:43 He was 18 years old.
03:45 Okay, so you were both very, very young.
03:48 Very young.
03:49 June: it is consistent with the statistics because it does
03:54 say that younger marriages are a higher risk for a divorce.
03:59 How long did your marriage last?
04:02 Seven years, our marriage was seven years.
04:06 Was it a happy marriage, tell us a little bit about it.
04:10 It was a wonderful marriage, we were very much in love.
04:16 We were young and you would think the whole world is a
04:20 wonderful place and we were high school sweethearts.
04:24 Right after high school we went to different schools, different
04:30 colleges and really felt we couldn't live without each
04:34 other, so we got married.
04:35 We wanted to be together and we were very much in love.
04:40 Okay, what was the goals, your dreams and aspirations
04:45 you had in the early marriage?
04:47 Well it was to last a lifetime, I truly believe a
04:52 marriage is for life.
04:55 My parents have been married for over 37 years, so I had
05:00 a wonderful example of my parents.
05:02 I really hoped and dreamed that would be the same with
05:08 my first marriage.
05:10 We bought our first home together, and had two beautiful
05:14 children, our dreams were to raise these children and
05:19 watch them become well-rounded adults.
05:22 So, Janet, obviously something went wrong. What happened?
05:28 Well as the years went by we started realizing,
05:33 unfortunately, how incompatible we were.
05:36 How different we were actually were.
05:38 They say you don't get to know somebody until your
05:41 married to them and live with them on a day-to-day basis.
05:44 Janet, before you go any further, Dr. Smith, you heard
05:47 what Janet just said.
05:51 You don't get to know somebody until you start living with them
05:53 on day to day basis.
05:55 It almost sounds like a myth because people generally,
06:01 especially young people, that once we know everything
06:06 about each other we are soul mates.
06:09 Talk to us about that.
06:11 That's exactly what they think at the time they find
06:13 themselves attracted to each other.
06:16 They think that they know everything about each other.
06:20 But as you get into a relationship, you learn so much
06:23 more about the other.
06:25 We say to young people, try to do your research as much
06:29 as possible before.
06:31 Even with all that research you are still going to learn
06:35 so much more about the individual.
06:37 So that is very consistent with what is anticipated.
06:42 So you realize that there disport between dating
06:49 and all of that.
06:51 We need to start living together, sharing
06:53 the same space.
06:55 Yes it was two different worlds.
06:57 It's amazing the things you discover.
06:59 The flaws that you overlook when you're dating because of
07:04 the love that you refuse to see the red flags and all of
07:08 the different personality.
07:11 Things that you think would be such a big deal because
07:15 you are so in love with each other that
07:17 you could overlook it.
07:18 Once you're married it's there every single day.
07:21 What would you say to a young person who says,
07:25 he has no faults.
07:27 Absolutely, I would tell them, well I have a young
07:32 daughter, but I would tell them that the best way to
07:37 actually get to know somebody, I truly believe,
07:41 is watching them interact with their families.
07:44 See how they refer to their parents.
07:46 You can look at their background by looking if themselves,
07:53 they come from a broken home.
07:55 I'm not saying that there is anything wrong,
07:58 that they are the worst people or anything if they
08:00 come from a broken home.
08:01 It's helpful to know.
08:02 It's helpful to know because of the mentality,
08:05 the mentality that they go into a marriage.
08:08 As Janet has revealed to us there is a big difference
08:11 between when you are dating and when you are married.
08:15 You have to be careful about that.
08:17 So we are going to take a break and we will be right
08:21 back, we will be right back.
08:23 We want you to hear more of Janet's story we have so many
08:27 other things to share with you.