Participants: Alanzo & June Smith
Series Code: FFH
Program Code: FFH00004A
00:04 With each new day families are failing and homes are broken.
00:09 marriages are threatened, fathers are absent.
00:13 Children are rebellious but all is not lost.
00:17 Homes can be healed and hearts can be mended.
00:21 Let's reclaim our Families 4 Heaven.
00:32 Thank you for watching Families 4 Heaven.
00:35 I'm Alanzo Smith and my co-host is June Smith.
00:40 We are discussing,
00:42 Ingredients That Builds a Happy Marriage.
00:50 Dr. June: marriage is under siege.
00:52 Invariably when you find children, or young people,
00:57 who exhibit deviant behavior, you can trace it back
01:03 to the family.
01:04 So it is critical that we have strong marriages,
01:09 hence, strong families.
01:15 Alanzo: there are a lot of people who are getting married
01:20 these days, as a matter of fact one statistic has it as
01:25 anywhere between 85 to 90% of the US population will get
01:31 married at one point or another.
01:34 These couples do intend and desire to
01:38 remain married forever.
01:40 Alanzo: unfortunately not all couples know how to form and
01:46 sustain a marriage, to allow it to last for a lifetime.
01:51 Now in previous generations, when we talked about marriage,
01:56 the concept was we had the nuclear family.
02:01 You had a mother, the father and the children, but in this
02:06 society the family structure has become so complex.
02:13 And marriage is becoming more fragile as a result of this
02:19 complexity, these days marriages are becoming more
02:24 difficult and more fragile.
02:26 In fact it is said that 37% of the married population
02:33 exists as single families,
02:38 that is they eventually fall apart.
02:41 Alanzo: there is a strong indication that the two parent
02:45 family is on the decline.
02:48 Dr. June: 87% of Asian children live in two parent homes,
02:58 that doesn't mean that these parents are married.
03:03 Among Caucasians, the percentage is less, 76% of
03:08 Caucasians live in a two parent home.
03:12 Dr. June: Then we have 70% of Hispanic and Latino
03:16 families that live in two-parent homes.
03:19 But it keeps going down, among African-Americans it is
03:23 only 42% of children live in a two parent family.
03:30 30% of all children, it is said, at some time in their
03:35 development, will live with a step-parent.
03:39 The only conclusion that one can draw from all of these
03:43 statistics that we are giving you taken from the
03:48 Bureau of Census, is that the nuclear family is on a
03:53 rapid declination.
03:56 The healthy marriage, however, is considered the key to
04:01 a healthy society, so you will agree we have a problem.
04:07 Yes we do, but marriages can be strong and healthy.
04:13 We want to focus today on the ingredients.
04:16 Here thus we have a lovely couple.
04:21 We have a Arturo and Loretta Haywood.
04:25 Won't you help me welcome them to our show.
04:34 you folks have been married for a good while now and I
04:38 suspect you have a family.
04:40 Tell us a little bit about yourselves.
04:41 Will let me first say, thank you for inviting my wife
04:45 and I to your show, and it is a pleasure to be here.
04:49 My marriage is pretty much a long time, we have been
04:54 married now for about 32 years.
04:56 We have five children, 10 grandchildren,
05:00 and two great grand's.
05:03 Loretta, can you tell us any of the ingredients,
05:06 or anything you put in your marriage that helped to make
05:10 it last so long?
05:11 Well one of the ingredients, we don't fight in front of
05:16 our children, right we have learned not to.
05:21 Arturo: it is not proper, even we send the children to their
05:27 rooms and they suspect that something has happened so their
05:32 ears are still cocked to listen.
05:35 So to argue in front of them we have come to learn is
05:39 not only them sitting in front of us, sometimes even when
05:43 they are in their rooms, it is best to put it aside and
05:47 leave it until the time is appropriate to really discuss
05:51 the matter, or to argue out of their presence.
05:55 Well, so one of the ingredients in your marriage is that
05:58 you don't argue in front of the children,
06:01 can you think of any other?
06:04 One of the things that is really strengthen our marriage
06:06 is the honesty that we put into it.
06:09 I've come to learn over the years that when you are
06:13 honest with your wife, when you are open with your wife
06:16 you gain more respect from her.
06:20 You gain more respect from your children because they see
06:24 a relationship that is pure and a relationship that is honest.
06:31 We don't hide anything from one another.
06:35 I am open with my wife and I am open with my children.
06:38 That seems to strengthen our marriage even more.
06:42 Loretta: Also, we don't play tit-for-tat, right!
06:47 Right, right, we don't, I don't get back at him for
06:51 something, tried to get even with him.
06:55 We have learned to live that way for years.
06:58 Alanzo: can I ask you a personal question?
07:00 Yes! Alanzo: was it love at first sight?
07:04 Yes. Dr. June: but I'm sure that grew as the
07:07 relationship matured.
07:10 One of the other things that we have also learned to do
07:15 in the whole scope of our marriage is sometimes you learn
07:20 when you see things happening, instead of trying to stay
07:25 and fight it out, sometimes it is best walk away and
07:29 leave things to be by themselves.
07:32 This way you get a chance to refocus on whether you are
07:36 wrong or whether the other party is wrong.
07:39 Most of the time when you walk away, you will find that
07:42 sometimes you might be the guilty person.
07:45 Dr. June: you give yourself pause.
07:47 You think about it and sometimes you find you are even
07:51 able to go and say I am sorry.
07:53 Arturo: absolutely, because when you can say I'm sorry,
07:57 it breaks down that macho-ness as far as men are
08:02 concerned, that self eagerness where you picture yourself
08:07 as being the superior person.
08:10 It makes the wife also to understand that yes, at least
08:16 he has some kind of humility about himself.
08:19 It works both ways, it works both ways.
08:25 Is it easy for you to say you are sorry, Loretta?
08:29 Yes, it is very easy for me to say that I'm sorry.
08:32 Dr. June: it's easy to say after 32 years of marriage.
08:36 Loretta: yes that is correct, yes I am the first to
08:39 admit that I did something wrong.
08:41 Dr. June: good for you.
08:42 You know, it is a healthy thing to do.
08:46 A lot of people, as you rightly say, especially we males,
08:51 we tend to think it is not becoming a man to say I am
08:56 sorry, but it is a good thing to do.
09:01 Arturo: Honey I am sorry.
09:03 Dr. June: thank you.
09:04 Arturo: you would be surprised to know the impact it has
09:06 on the wife when a husband can say he's sorry.
09:10 You know there is something about the male ego, when a
09:14 man is in a situation where he is confronted with a problem.
09:20 He doesn't want to yield, to say I'm sorry because I'm
09:25 the man, I'm not going there.
09:28 But when you back off and can say I'm sorry,
09:32 it makes a big difference.
09:33 We are so happy that you could come and talk with us
09:37 about the health of your marriage and we are happy
09:40 for you and pray and wish you God's blessing that you
09:44 have more than 32 years for a happy marriage life.
09:47 Arturo: thank you for having us.
09:49 Thank you for coming on.
09:50 We are going to take a break, but we have some more guests
09:53 for you as we continue to talk about the
09:55 Ingredients of a Happy Marriage.