Participants: Pr. William Lee (Host), Brandon Dent, Colin King, Muta Mwenya
Series Code: FGO
Program Code: FGO000013
00:01 Welcome to "For Guys Only."
00:02 A program that deals with topics
00:04 specially geared for the urban man.
00:06 I'm Pastor William Lee and I'm so thankful
00:08 that you've joined us for yet another broadcast.
00:11 Today, we are gonna look at the topic,
00:12 Adam, Where Are You Now?"
00:14 Join us as we go into our broadcast.
00:33 Gentlemen, I want to welcome you
00:35 to another broadcast "For Guys Only"
00:37 and we kind of want to just take a moment before we--
00:40 I say, just to kind of introduce ourselves
00:42 to our viewers today.
00:44 By chance someone has joined us for the very first time.
00:47 So I began with you, Brandon.
00:49 Yes, my name is Brandon Dent
00:51 and I'm a retired auto executive,
00:55 27 years in the industry and I'm now running
00:57 my own marketing company.
00:59 Married 27 years, two adult sons
01:02 and a teenage daughter at home.
01:04 And its my pleasure to be on the program today.
01:08 All right, thank you so much, Brandon.
01:10 My name is Colin King. I'm a clinical psychologist.
01:13 I've been practicing for the last 17 years.
01:15 I have two wonderful teenagers and a wonderful wife.
01:19 And it's a pleasure being on the show.
01:21 All right, thank you Dr. King.'
01:22 My name is Muta Mwenya
01:24 and I'm the director for Elijah 3 Ministries,
01:27 Urban Youth Evangelism Ministry.
01:29 I've been married for seven years
01:31 and I've got two sons ages six and eleven months.
01:35 And I'm Pastor William Lee.
01:37 I currently pastor the capital city
01:39 Seventh-day Adventist church in Indianapolis, Indiana,
01:42 part of the Lake Region Conference
01:44 of Seventh-day Adventist.
01:45 Been married now for seven years.
01:47 I have two children,
01:49 one year old and a five year old
01:51 and I'm just excited the way
01:53 God has continued to bless me thus far in my life.
01:57 Today, we are gonna begin with the word of prayer
01:59 and I'm gonna ask Dr. King if you would pray for us.
02:01 Father, we are so grateful for this opportunity
02:05 to discuss topics and issues
02:08 that are of critical important to urban families.
02:11 We ask the blessings upon our presentation today
02:14 for Christ sake, amen.
02:17 Today, we kind of want to, you know,
02:19 talk about "Adam, Where Are You Now?"
02:22 We've been broadcasting, you know, over and over again
02:25 for a while now and this kind of,
02:27 we want to bring a sense to let me know,
02:30 let the urban man know
02:31 that they don't have to run from God.
02:33 They don't have to responsibility,
02:35 they don't have to run from any thing
02:38 that God has brought them to.
02:41 Any obstacle in our life should not just be looked
02:44 as an obstacle but it can be looked as a stepping stone
02:47 to get to the next level that God wants us to be at.
02:51 You know, we talked about
02:52 before this whole notion of Genesis 3:9,
02:56 where the Bible says, "And the Lord God
02:57 called unto Adam, and said it, Where are thou?"
03:00 and verse 10 says, "And he said,
03:02 I heard thy voice in the garden,
03:04 and I was afraid,
03:05 because I was naked, and I hid myself."
03:09 You know, when you look at a story
03:10 we are absolutely clear that when God asked,
03:12 you know, Adam, where are you, it wasn't God wasn't saying,
03:15 you know, Adam, where are you geographically?
03:17 But God was asking the question,
03:18 you know, where are you spiritually?
03:20 Where are you in your walk with Me right now?
03:23 And that's the main question that we want to get across,
03:26 you know, as we talk to the urban man
03:28 that while Adam hid himself, you know,
03:31 come on out, come on out, man.
03:34 Men as we talk about are created
03:36 in the image of God, that we are God's masterpiece.
03:40 That God has breathed on us and He wants us
03:44 to be all that He has called us to be.
03:47 So today, just kind of want to review a little bit
03:49 some of the topics that we've considered
03:52 throughout our broadcast.
03:54 You know, and again beginning with this whole notion of Adam,
03:58 don't run but live up to your responsibility.
04:02 Dr. King, give us that historical perspective,
04:06 you know, as you don't before,
04:07 as it relates to man occurred and their responsibility.
04:11 Actually, you know, if we go back to our origin,
04:13 our root if you please, we were made to be kings.
04:17 You know, we are fearfully and wonderfully made and--
04:22 but somehow we've lost sight
04:24 and we have lost track of that vision.
04:27 We were raised to be rulers.
04:30 Well, just going back to our origin
04:32 and we were supposed to be mentored by our seniors
04:37 and we were supposed to mentor our juniors.
04:40 You know, there is an old African saying
04:44 which goes like that.
04:45 It takes a village to raise a child
04:48 and that's how we were meant to live.
04:50 And so today we've lost sight of that.
04:53 So Adam, Where are you now,
04:54 we need to get back to that concept of community,
04:58 of being strong, of mentoring and of being mentored.
05:02 Yeah, that's good.
05:04 Let's talk about the spiritual side because again God ask,
05:07 you know, where are you and not geographically
05:09 but where are you spiritually right now.
05:12 Let's kind of talk about, you know, this whole idea of,
05:15 you know, the man leading his family spiritually.
05:19 You know, how important is, is that the spiritual backing
05:24 for especially a family where there is--
05:26 of course, you know, a wife and children.
05:28 You know, should man take time out
05:30 to pray and their families?
05:32 You know, what can men do
05:34 to mold their family spiritually
05:36 so that we are all that God wants us to be?
05:40 I would choose to answer that sort and it totally.
05:47 Growing up my mother was a dominant influence
05:52 in terms of practical learning.
05:55 Even my math and my financial interest
05:59 all came down through my mother.
06:02 My father did two things.
06:04 He went out and he worked and came back home.
06:09 That's so interesting piece, a good piece I should say.
06:13 He came back home.
06:14 But the second piece
06:16 was that he took the spiritual program
06:18 of the family extremely seriously.
06:22 There were times where my mother
06:23 would be working so hard that she would come in
06:26 and just lay down and go to sleep.
06:29 That was her way of saying,
06:30 don't disturb me for worship tonight.
06:32 My father, was like clock work,
06:36 morning, evening, morning, evening.
06:39 He taught us, he counseled us.
06:41 He was just a rock,
06:43 solid spiritual leader in the household.
06:47 And its kind of interesting even thought most of our time
06:50 as young boys was with our mother
06:52 and we had that strong emotional bond.
06:55 Whenever we had an issue to have any spiritual gravity
06:59 we went straight to dad.
07:01 And that was the thing that shot us up.
07:03 You know, if you go along just fine
07:05 and then you reach that tough moment,
07:07 if you don't last that tough moment
07:09 all those fine times can be blown away.
07:13 And so those bridges that my father built
07:15 over those tough moments
07:18 were critical in keeping us on track.
07:20 Okay. Okay.
07:22 That's good. That's good.
07:23 What else, what are the thing that we do spiritually
07:25 because and I really want us to talk
07:28 to that man that you know,
07:29 just make some changes in his life,
07:31 that he is saying you know,
07:32 I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm not gonna run anymore.
07:34 I want to be the man that God has called me to be.
07:38 What else can that man do spiritually for himself
07:41 or even for his family to take himself
07:44 or his family to the next level that God wants them to be at?
07:47 I think, you know, I think its important as males
07:50 that we realize that
07:52 we don't have to be perfect, we have to be real.
07:57 So we have to look at ourselves in the mirror.
07:59 We have to take stop.
08:01 What are my strengths, what are my weaknesses?
08:04 Where am I falling and if I'm off course
08:08 I need to ask God to get me back on course.
08:11 So to when God comes looking for me and He says,
08:14 Adam, where are you?
08:16 I know that He is not chastening me.
08:19 He is looking for me because He wants to rescue me.
08:23 And hat's the position I should--
08:25 I can do this again.
08:26 I can rise again.
08:28 I can lead again, I can step up to the plate
08:31 and represent my family and lead them again.
08:33 I can do this.
08:35 I love what the Bible say in the Book of Revelation 1:5,
08:40 the Bible, you know, yeah, verse 5 that will say as,
08:44 "And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness,
08:46 the first begotten of the dead,
08:48 and the prince of the kings of the earth.
08:50 Unto him that loved us, and washed us
08:55 from our sins in his own blood" watch verse 6 "And has made us
09:00 kings of priest unto God into his Father,
09:04 to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever."
09:08 That we are saying that hey, Adam, recognize.
09:11 You know, you don't have to run
09:13 because the novel says God has washed you.
09:15 God has cleansed you and not only that Bible says
09:18 that God has made, you know,
09:20 again Adam so to speak to be the king and the priest.
09:23 You know, I kind of having
09:25 a standing joke in my congregation.
09:26 I told, you know, don't call me Pastor Lee,
09:29 you know, Bible says call me king Lee.
09:32 Call me Priest Lee, you know.
09:34 And we start seeing ourselves, you know, the way God sees us
09:39 you know, as kings and as priests
09:41 as being righteous in His own sight.
09:43 Then I can change the way that we see ourselves
09:47 and that we can have confidence.
09:48 I know, if my father said to me in growing up
09:50 that there is nothing more powerful
09:52 than a Blackman that knows God.
09:55 Yeah, absolutely.
09:57 A Blackman that knows God because when you know God
09:58 you know that no weapon formed against you shall prosper.
10:01 Shall prosper.
10:02 You know, that nothing that comes your way
10:04 that the devil brings your way that you can't conquer
10:07 through the grace and the help of God.
10:10 And that's why we want to encourage,
10:11 you know, man, urban man, Blackman
10:14 that all the times I have ran from responsibilities stand up
10:17 and it be all that God has called you to be.
10:20 Get back up again.
10:22 Yeah. Get back up again.
10:23 If you fall you can get back up again.
10:26 Muta, kind of talk to me little about your testimony.
10:28 You have really an awesome testimony in regards to,
10:31 you know, transformation.
10:33 You know, what's happened
10:34 in your own life as far as that?
10:39 As far as spiritually and emotionally
10:42 and just it's been sort of whirlwind.
10:46 My life has just been--
10:48 I was raised in a good environment.
10:53 It was great.
10:54 I had two good parents, I can attest to that
10:56 and I thank God for that.
10:57 But Satan knows how to distract and destroy
11:04 and so I had a lot of disappointments in my life
11:07 whether it was through school or through friendships
11:10 that kind of put me in a place where I just felt alone.
11:13 And I think a lot of men out there really feel alone.
11:17 Nobody really gets you, nobody understands
11:19 what you are going through and the one--
11:24 the first thing that I did is when I saw men
11:28 that were actually at a point where I wanted to be at in life
11:32 or who I could see had something together
11:37 I attach very close to those men, not them let go.
11:42 And I just kind of sat at their feet
11:44 like we were supposed to,
11:47 if we go back to our African roots,
11:49 I mean, the child sits at the feet of the men
11:52 and he learns and that's what I did.
11:55 And one that was real significant
11:57 about these three men is their spiritually.
12:00 And they didn't force it on me
12:04 but they lived it every single day.
12:07 And so I attached to that and I started studying
12:10 on my own and learning and asking questions.
12:12 And the biggest thing
12:14 is don't be afraid to ask questions.
12:16 If there is something that you don't know
12:18 and as you grow spiritually
12:20 there is something inside of you,
12:22 I mean, God's word will not return void.
12:26 And as that story happens the change,
12:30 the transformation begins to happen
12:32 and so those are two things that I would say as,
12:36 find those individuals who are gonna build you up.
12:40 And two hang on to the Word of God
12:43 like it's your lifeline because truly it is.
12:47 You know, I'm kind want that, you know,
12:49 I want you to talk a little bit about
12:50 as well as because I know that you,
12:52 you know, you got some experiences where
12:54 like all of us have and that you specifically
12:57 you talked about, you know, some experience where you have,
12:59 where you were running from God or you were not,
13:03 you know, following God as you are now.
13:06 You know, how did you feel, you know, during that time
13:09 when you were doing things your own way?
13:12 You know, kind of describe that
13:13 because there is a man that is seeing right now,
13:15 you know, he is still doing things
13:17 his own say and you been there.
13:20 And you can encourage them for that.
13:22 How did you feel first of all when you were so to speak
13:24 like Adam when you were running from God?
13:32 It was on the façade every day about me
13:36 during that time was to cover up
13:39 what I was really feeling on the inside.
13:41 I felt alone, I felt abandoned.
13:43 I mean, even having two good parents in the home,
13:45 I mean, having two good parents in the home is essential
13:50 and it helps, not to say single parent
13:53 can do it well as well but its beneficial
13:57 but even at times as a young person growing up
14:01 you now mom and dad
14:03 are supposed to say certain things.
14:05 So they just gonna come.
14:07 And you need more than just mom and dad
14:11 giving you that affirmation.
14:13 And mentorship, we talked about that in previous episodes
14:16 but as I was out there I mean, you just--
14:21 it's kind of like a haze,
14:22 its so much so that you begin to disregard it.
14:27 You disregard those feelings, those anxieties,
14:30 those fears and literally Satan put a clock over your eyes
14:35 and you start beginning to believe
14:37 that everything is okay
14:38 but there is a something inside of you that knows.
14:41 God has put something in every single one of us
14:43 that, that you know that you are not
14:47 where you are supposed to be.
14:49 And so that that really was the prevailing feeling
14:53 that you get actually sensed
14:56 that even in the highest on drugs,
15:00 even when you're drunk off your rockers
15:02 or when you are in that party
15:04 and doing which you think is giving you pleasure.
15:08 At the end of the night when you go home you are empty.
15:12 It means nothing.
15:13 Okay. Empty.
15:15 Empty. That's a good word.
15:17 Good word to describe it as well.
15:18 You know, during our conversation now
15:20 you talked to beloved about
15:22 breaking strongholds and that's essential.
15:25 The Bible says, that the weapons of our warfare
15:28 are not carnal but the Bible says that they are mighty
15:30 to the pulling down of strongholds.
15:34 You know, maybe a man is watching us right now
15:36 and that's you know, that feels empty,
15:38 that has a strong hold in their life, you know.
15:41 What do we say, what kind of advice can we give them?
15:44 You know, even from the Word of God
15:45 from your own personal experience
15:47 that can help them understand that,
15:49 you know, they are not by themselves
15:50 that they can victorious through Jesus Christ.
15:53 Help us understand that as well.
15:56 Brandon, you lead. Kind of talk a little about that
15:59 you know, that the power that God has given us
16:03 to be able to move and operate in Him.
16:07 Well, I like to say, thank God at His word.
16:13 God has given so many promises and but those promises
16:19 if you go through them they are conditional.
16:22 They always require us to do something
16:25 to let go of something, to seek ye first in all thy ways
16:31 acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.
16:34 All means all.
16:36 And I think all too often we seek
16:40 that our lives are in this sort of secular mumble, jumble
16:45 and over here are spiritual things
16:49 and the twin should not meet
16:52 and nothing could be further from the truth.
16:53 That's a lie from the devil because he--
16:56 the devil realizes that once you get that
16:59 all means all, you know, should I take this job?
17:04 Should I take this person? Should I buy this item?
17:10 See, all of these are things that we have been talking about
17:14 that go along in the lives of urban men.
17:16 And so the best text that I can give you
17:18 is in all of your ways acknowledge Him
17:22 and He will direct your paths.
17:24 That's good. That's good.
17:26 You know, other things that we talked about
17:27 is I thought was extremely significant.
17:30 It's gonna bring up against that, you know,
17:31 men are different from women, you know.
17:34 Dr. King, you kind of mentioned
17:35 before that we are wired different.
17:37 You know, you talked about the brain,
17:39 you then shows the brain
17:40 and different hemispheres in our brain.
17:43 One thing that stuck with me, you know, I won't forget it
17:46 in regards ito women operates you say had a dual processor.
17:51 Absolutely. Absolutely.
17:53 Well, men operate with that single processor
17:56 and I know it to be true.
17:58 Yeah, you know, the point I was making is that,
18:01 you know, we are wonderfully and prayerfully made
18:04 and God designed us in a particular way.
18:07 And He made males species very different from female.
18:12 So the point I was trying to make is that He made women
18:15 with the ability to process information simultaneously
18:20 from both hemispheres of their brain.
18:23 And us guys, you know, we predominantly left sided
18:29 and so that's why a woman, a sister
18:33 or a mother is able to attempt different stimuli
18:36 at a same time without losing peace.
18:39 We have problems, we have trouble doing that
18:42 because we were not designed to function like that.
18:47 And maybe it was God's will of just complementing
18:49 what we have and making us understand that,
18:53 you know, we are not complete
18:56 without that complement working alongside us.
19:00 And when we don't understand those differences
19:03 it can create frustration, and we run.
19:07 This just putting those rich comments
19:10 that Dr. King just made
19:11 in the context of "Adam, where are you now?"
19:14 So, you know, again I think we run because of society,
19:20 expectations placed upon us.
19:22 We run, men run because of,
19:26 you know, its just heavy things too heavy right now
19:29 and sometimes the easiest thing to do is to look for an out.
19:34 Whether its in your marriage especially,
19:36 it is about divorce as well.
19:37 We have a conversation
19:38 which is a very good conversation about divorce
19:41 where sometimes we think its easy,
19:44 its easier to say, you know, peace.
19:49 You know, do this sort to speak.
19:51 You go your way, I go my way.
19:53 And we know that God really wants to bring about
19:57 reconciliation and as men I think
20:01 that we have to allow God to transform our hearts,
20:05 transform our minds as we submit to Him
20:08 so that He can really have His way in our lives.
20:12 But then my thought goes to, you know, our young boys
20:16 that are growing up and the need for them
20:19 to be able to see a godly man.
20:22 You know, we talked before that everybody is looking
20:24 so it seems for godly Blackman.
20:27 You know, women, men, employers everybody
20:30 they are looking for a man of integrity, you know.
20:33 Kind of talk a little bit about, you know, boys.
20:35 You know, how can we shape, you know,
20:39 these people that look like us?
20:41 You know, mini me's so to speak?
20:43 How can we shape them so that they don't,
20:46 you know, fall prey to even some of the wises,
20:50 the addictions, the anger some of things
20:53 that we have faced as men.
20:55 What can we do to build these boys up
20:58 so they can go forward in the power of God?
21:01 You know, at a fundamental level we need to,
21:03 we need to understand and remember
21:06 that our young boys need us as mentors.
21:10 You know, that concept needs to be rooted in us
21:14 and we need to dedicate our life
21:17 towards making their lives better.
21:19 We need to let them benefit or learn from our mistakes.
21:23 They don't need to make the same mistakes
21:25 that we've made.
21:26 The crazy stuff that we've done,
21:28 the foolishness that we have engaged in
21:31 they don't need to make those same mistakes.
21:33 So we need to let them sit at our feet,
21:35 mentor them, encourage them
21:38 and when they fall pick them up,
21:40 hold their hands and keep walking with them.
21:43 I want to ask a question with that,
21:45 with that same, and do want to tell,
21:47 you know, especially you know,
21:49 our sons that they each one of us have,
21:50 we have sons you know, of course ours is younger
21:53 but do we tell our sons that you know,
21:55 we have had this struggle that you know,
21:57 these are some of the things
21:59 that I've encountered, you know?
22:00 Do we really open-- should we open up to,
22:02 you know, to our sons so that they don't fall
22:04 in the same pit perhaps that we may have fallen in?
22:08 We need to keep it real.
22:11 I think we are stronger when we are most vulnerable.
22:15 And again we don't need to be perfect
22:18 and they are not looking for a perfect dads
22:21 but they are looking for real dads.
22:24 That's good. That's good.
22:25 You know, the other thing that I think we need to do
22:27 is we need to live by example.
22:29 My dad, I mentioned earlier
22:31 that he was a man of many things
22:33 and I got another one for you.
22:36 Okay, all right.
22:37 He would always say, I'd rather see
22:39 a sermon than hear one any day.
22:41 Okay. Okay.
22:42 And, you know, I'm sure that he didn't originated that
22:47 but he was good at picking up sayings
22:49 and sharing them with us.
22:50 And so, and I think Dr. King, said in one of other episodes
22:55 that values are not taught, they are caught.
22:58 So we need to be about the example
23:02 in setting the environment
23:05 where these values can be caught.
23:07 I've got another one for you.
23:10 Children absorb what they observe.
23:14 They are like sponges. Okay.
23:16 Absolutely. Absolutely.
23:18 And lot of times, you know,
23:19 we tell our children don't do as I say.
23:21 Yeah, that didn't work.
23:22 Yeah, that is not worth very well.
23:24 I do. Yeah, do really is, yeah,
23:26 it really does not as well.
23:28 You know, what I appreciate is the fact that,
23:31 you know, we can build men up
23:33 instead of try and tear ourselves down.
23:36 I think its because you are watching and they say,
23:37 that you will never bring a man down
23:39 unless you go down with him, you know.
23:42 You got to encourage one another.
23:43 Share each other on every step of the way.
23:46 We need that.
23:48 You know, not just, you know,
23:49 not because of egotism
23:50 or because of our egos but we doesn't need,
23:52 you know, a man in our corner, you know,
23:54 telling us, you know, Muta, good job.
23:57 You know, you did well right there.
23:59 You know, keep on going forward.
24:00 You can do it. You can make it.
24:02 I'm praying for you. I'm praying for you.
24:03 Yeah, I'm praying for you.
24:05 I'm counting on you.
24:06 Absolutely and that really builds us up to know that wow,
24:09 a man is looking after me.
24:12 A man, not just my mother
24:14 that is a woman but another man.
24:17 I think God has wired us in such a way as well.
24:19 You know, one of the things that we did not talk about
24:21 as much I think is critical as well
24:24 and our time is running now but is the fact
24:26 that we will take care of our bodies,
24:29 you know, our physical health.
24:31 You know, there is so much in society, you know,
24:33 conversation about, you know, men don't go to the doctor.
24:36 You know, men are afraid to go to a doctor.
24:39 Men think that, you know,
24:40 forgot doctor my finance seems wrong with me.
24:42 Well, that's kind of way you go to make sure
24:46 that your health is intact.
24:48 And if there is something wrong to go and get a check out.
24:52 Just to spend a moment real quick.
24:53 Just one minute talking about necessity of men
24:57 putting their health at the top of the agenda,
25:00 right, well, next to God as well.
25:01 I think it is actually critical African-American men
25:08 are inflected by some diseases,
25:11 some of them are preventable like prostate cancer.
25:16 There is a high incident of prostate cancer
25:19 in African-American men, colon cancer also.
25:23 And so its important for us to have our annual screenings
25:26 done by age 40-45 African-American male
25:33 should have had a colonoscopy.
25:35 Say the age one more time.
25:37 By age 40 or 45 African-American male
25:40 should have had a colonoscopy because we die
25:44 early and faster than our counterparts.
25:47 Colon cancer.
25:49 Okay. Okay.
25:50 I will say real quick is that your physical health
25:53 has a direct impact on your spiritual health.
25:57 When you are physically healthy
26:00 it will be easier for you to be spiritually healthy
26:03 because with all those endorphins running
26:05 it will give you a sense of enthusiasm
26:08 to get into the Word, to be more pleasant
26:10 to be around and to be ready to accept
26:14 the bidding of the Holy Spirit.
26:17 And also the ministries of the church
26:18 are negatively affective
26:20 because the prayer life of the church
26:23 becomes very unilaterally focused on Lord,
26:28 I need help with this disease.
26:29 I need help with this disease.
26:30 So you are not praying about the youth ministry program
26:34 because you focused on this.
26:35 So true. Right.
26:37 Right. Right.
26:38 You know, I know as a man you didn't ask me to do this
26:40 but I kind of be a cheerleader for us.
26:42 I can, you know, I sure cheer you on
26:44 until you brother, keep on going strong.
26:47 You know, you are gonna make it
26:48 through the grace of God, you know.
26:50 You are not going to be defeated.
26:53 Because again the Bible says
26:54 that if God before us no one can be against us.
26:59 Can I assure you on by saying
27:00 that if any man be in Christ he is a new creature,
27:04 old things are passed away,
27:06 all things become brand new.
27:10 Walk in your destiny. Walk in faith.
27:13 Walk in the destiny that God
27:15 has given you in these last days.
27:18 Until next time I'm Pastor William Lee.
27:21 Keep your head up in this world.
27:23 God bless you.