Participants:
Series Code: FGOY
Program Code: FGOY000007S
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00:01 Welcome to "For Guys Only,"
00:02 a program that deals with topics 00:04 specifically geared to the urban man. 00:06 I'm Pastor William Lee, 00:08 and I'm excited 00:09 that you're here with us on today. 00:11 Our topic today is parenting urban children. 00:14 Stay tuned as we go right into our broadcasts. 00:32 Greetings, gentlemen, once again. 00:34 It is good to see each one of you all 00:36 for another broadcast on today. 00:39 As we get started, as been our custom, 00:41 just want to begin with a word of prayer. 00:43 So let's seek the Lord even now. 00:45 Gracious Father in heaven, 00:47 we are thankful that we're able to sit down 00:49 and discuss topics that are pertinent 00:52 to our current situations. 00:54 And, God, I pray that You would give us insight 00:55 and bless the viewer even now 00:57 as my prayer in Jesus' name, amen. 00:59 Amen. Amen. Amen. 01:01 All right, just want to take a moment 01:03 as we've done in the past, 01:04 just kind of introduce ourselves to our audience, 01:07 say, those who are viewing us 01:08 and just kind of want to start today with Brandon. 01:11 My name is Brandon Dent. 01:13 I am a retired auto executive, 27 years, 01:17 and now running my own marketing company. 01:20 I've been married, 27 years. I've raised two grown sons. 01:24 They're doing fine. 01:26 And I have a 13-year-old daughter, 01:28 14 now, at home, get that right. 01:31 She'll be on me if I get it wrong. 01:33 All right. Very good. 01:35 Thank you, Brandon. My name is Colin King. 01:37 I'm a clinical psychologist. 01:39 I have two teenagers. 01:42 So I know about their challenges 01:44 of their teenage years, 01:46 and married 01:48 and have been married for the last 21 years. 01:51 I've been fairly active in the church 01:53 and outside the church. 01:55 And I'm happy for being here today. 01:57 All right, thank you. Yes. 01:59 My name is Muta Mwenya. 02:00 I'm with Elijah 3 Ministries, 02:02 a urban youth evangelism ministry 02:04 out of Benton Harbor, Michigan. 02:06 And I'm married, seven years. 02:08 I've got two children, two boys. 02:10 Okay. Very good. 02:12 I'm Pastor Lee, again 02:13 and pastor 02:15 at the Capitol City Seventh-day Adventist Church 02:16 in Indianapolis, Indiana, 02:18 part of the Lake Region Conference 02:20 and Seventh-day Adventist, 02:21 married seven years and two small children. 02:24 So as we talk today about raising children, 02:27 have a one-year-old and a five-year-old, 02:28 I know yours a little as well. 02:30 We're gonna look to some experience today, 02:33 those who have gone through this avenue 02:36 of raising children. 02:38 You know, the Bible has something very interesting 02:40 to say about raising children in the Book of Proverbs, 02:44 Proverbs 22:6, the Bible says, this is very well known text, 02:50 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go: 02:53 and when he is old, 02:55 he will not depart from it." 02:58 It almost seems a promise from the Word of God, 03:00 that if we would train them up in the way they should go, 03:02 and when they're old they will not depart from it. 03:06 We recognize gentlemen 03:07 that there are some major challenges 03:09 in our world today. 03:10 We had a previous broadcast 03:12 where we discuss the divorce epidemic 03:14 that we're seeing in our world today. 03:16 And we really didn't touch, 03:18 you know, on how divorce affects children, 03:22 especially small children. 03:24 So we want to, kind of, 03:25 you know, hit on that, you know, for a little bit. 03:27 We also want to discuss just, you know, as a black man, 03:32 trying to raise Godly children, 03:35 you know, what can we do 03:36 to steer them in the right way 03:38 in the last days 03:40 that we're living here right now. 03:41 So let's kind of just pick it up. 03:43 Let's get some historical backgrounds, 03:44 get some discussion 03:45 to what effect does divorce have upon children? 03:50 Sure. 03:51 You know, unfortunately, babies don't come with manuals. 03:55 You know, so we have to figure it out 03:57 and hope that we make the right decisions. 04:01 Specifically, divorce, 04:04 most divorce have a sort of a negative impact 04:08 on children and then child rearing. 04:10 You know, they see both parents living in separate worlds. 04:14 Sometimes they tend to blame themselves for the separation. 04:19 Maybe it was because of what I said, 04:21 maybe it was because 04:24 mom or dad had to spend so much time or money 04:26 or effort taking care of me, maybe I am responsible. 04:31 So the impact is usually negative. 04:33 What do you think, Brandon? 04:35 Yeah, it is negative. 04:38 Because children are almost idealistic 04:42 in their understanding of mom and dad, 04:47 and that relationship. 04:49 They think it should be fairy tale, 04:51 that it should be love, forevermore. 04:54 And, you know, they haven't actually been around 04:57 long enough to kind of, 04:59 being tainted if you will 05:01 by the reality of the institution, 05:04 unfortunately. 05:06 And so it really, it just blows away everything. 05:11 So it's life as they know it. 05:14 So for them, it's like their life is coming to an end. 05:18 And they can imagine moving on in this sort of divided, 05:22 sort of, divorced parent's situation. 05:25 So it creates a lot of emotional trauma 05:28 for the child and anxiety. 05:31 All right, good. 05:33 You know, one of the things that, 05:35 you know, comes to my mind, and I almost chuckle that, 05:37 you know, as I was growing up, 05:39 I can remember, you know, parents, 05:42 you know, trying to steer their child 05:44 in the right direction. 05:45 But then when mom and dad went the wrong way, 05:48 it was almost like clockwork, 05:50 where I could see these young children saying, 05:51 you know, what, you can't tell me anything, 05:55 you know, you made a mistake, you know. 05:57 And I can remember so many people, 05:59 so many of my friends, 06:00 you know, making that same comment that, 06:02 you know, because in a sense, 06:04 you know, children look up to their parents 06:06 as a God figure. 06:08 And when mom and dad mess up 06:10 and go their separate ways, it's like... 06:12 Hey, I'm gonna do my own thing, I'm gonna do my... 06:15 And please don't try to parent me 06:17 because if you couldn't get it right, 06:19 don't expect for me to get it right. 06:21 So I think that's something very significant. 06:23 And lot of times, that's not truly their logic. 06:29 They're just saying that the fact is, 06:31 is they're mad at you for what you did. 06:33 And that's their way of rebelling 06:35 against what you did. 06:37 So they use that sort of as a smokescreen 06:40 for the real rebellion that they have in their hearts, 06:43 because of the pain of what you cause them 06:47 as they see it by getting divorced 06:48 in the first place. 06:49 Okay. Okay. 06:51 We know 06:52 that parenting is difficult, you know, Muta. 06:53 Oh, yeah. 06:55 You know, even with young children, 06:56 we know that we have to be there 06:57 for our young children. 06:59 And as you, somebody said, 07:00 Elder King, children don't come, 07:02 you know, with a manual, 07:03 you know, there's no set prescribed way that, 07:06 you know, y'all to parent each child, 07:08 but there are some ways that we can parent, you know. 07:12 The Bible gave some instruction, 07:14 but what are some of the different methods, 07:18 so to speak, of parenting? 07:20 And really, you know, and I'll flip sides that, 07:22 what are some of the effective ways 07:24 that we can do it as well? 07:25 Sure. 07:27 You know, children are master psychologist. 07:30 And they figure you out fairly quickly. 07:33 Even babies at a very early age, 07:37 the baby knows that if he or she cries 07:40 at a certain time, 07:42 mom or dad is going to respond. 07:44 And so that early learning, 07:47 that early reinforcement is present. 07:50 And so they have figured out sometimes how to split teams. 07:55 And so that's why parenting 07:57 and parenting properly is so critical. 08:00 So I want to talk briefly about four parenting styles. 08:04 You know, someone way back 08:05 when gave them four distinct labels. 08:10 The very first one is the authoritarian parent. 08:15 This is the parent who says, "You do what I tell you to do. 08:20 And this is my house, and if you don't listen to me, 08:23 I'm gonna kick you out." 08:25 That's the authoritarian style. 08:28 And actually, that's the style that I grew up with. 08:31 Now thinking about it, 08:32 where my dad made it very clear, 08:34 you know, he used to say to me, 08:35 "Two big men can't live in the same house. 08:37 So you've got to decide." 08:39 Okay. So that's the very first one. 08:43 And then we have the authoritative style. 08:46 This is more of a democratic way 08:48 of parenting, 08:49 where you're not ordering your children around, 08:52 you're giving them choices. 08:54 You're giving them options. 08:56 You're involving them in the decision making process. 09:00 And the research has actually shown 09:02 that this style has proven to be 09:05 the most effective style. 09:06 So that's the authoritative style. 09:09 Now there's the permissive style. 09:11 And this is the home 09:12 where there aren't rules or guidelines or regulations. 09:16 You know, the child can come in at 11, 12, 1 am, 2 am. 09:21 Like, "Where have you been? 09:23 You know, it's kind of late now. 09:24 Okay, I'll see you in the morning." 09:25 So there are no rules and guidelines. 09:28 And these children really do well. 09:31 They have little respect for authority. 09:35 One of the least respecting, 09:38 respected parenting style is the uninvolved parent. 09:42 And unfortunately, 09:44 this style is prevalent in urban families, 09:48 where the dad is gone, he's absent, he's uninvolved. 09:54 Sometimes he's in jail 09:57 or sometimes he's busy making other babies. 10:00 And so he's uninvolved in the raising of the child. 10:04 These children tend to do worse of the four parenting styles. 10:08 Wow! 10:10 Let's kind of talk about the authoritative, 10:12 you know, parenting style that, you know, you said, again, 10:15 that was kind of the best style 10:17 to use where parent and child 10:20 are coming together to the table 10:21 and they're discussing issues together. 10:24 You know, Brandon, as you are raising your boys, 10:27 you know, which are now men, 10:29 you know, talk a little bit about, 10:32 you know, what you did to help raise them? 10:37 It's kind of interesting, 10:38 because I can't slot myself squarely 10:44 in one style or the other. 10:48 I have a bit 10:50 and probably a little bit of everything 10:51 except uninvolved. 10:55 But it's been by design. 10:58 I'm one of those people, 10:59 you know, I'm an engineer so I'm constantly sensing, 11:02 bringing it in, making some decision, 11:06 refiguring and coming back. 11:08 And there are times 11:09 where I felt it was important to be authoritarian to say, 11:15 "You just simply can't touch the eye. 11:17 It's hot." Yeah, that's right. 11:19 "I know you don't understand. 11:20 But you'll thank me later." Okay. 11:22 And then of course, 11:25 I did probably spend more time in authoritative 11:28 because that's the type of person 11:29 that I am. 11:30 I think my wife is probably more authoritarian. 11:35 But and see would sometimes ask me twice, 11:39 "Are you sure you want to be authoritative?" 11:41 Not using that term, 11:42 "But are you sure you want to discuss this, 11:46 instead of simply make the call?" 11:48 And, but she would respect what path I would take. 11:50 The thing for me is to, obviously, pray, 11:56 get divine insight, 11:58 and then use the gray matter that God gave you, 12:01 look, assess, determine what will work. 12:04 There are times where you want to back off, 12:06 and let the child have some autonomy 12:08 with some processes, 12:11 with some decisions, because that's how healthy too. 12:14 Because they don't learn 12:15 to just sort of lean on you all the time for everything, 12:18 but you can't just leave them out there that way all the time 12:21 because that can be destructive. 12:23 And, you know, interestingly, 12:25 children know which parent is the enforcer, 12:29 you know, which one, you know, 12:31 they can roll certain things fast 12:32 without them putting up a fuss. 12:35 And almost always 12:37 they go to the "weaker one," you know. 12:41 If dad is the enforcer, "I'm going to go through Mom, " 12:44 or if mom is the enforcer, "I'm gonna go through Dad." 12:47 And, "I'm not going to tell Dad what Mom said. 12:50 I'm going to tell him what I want him to know." 12:53 Yeah, so they figure that out fairly quickly. 12:58 You know, raising teenagers 12:59 is a very, very challenging prospect, 13:01 especially when they become mobile, 13:05 when they begin to drive. 13:06 Because in the state of Michigan 13:08 I think you can start driving 13:10 at age 14 years and 6 months or something like that. 13:13 And I do a lot of evaluations 13:17 at hospitals of teenagers 13:21 who have been involved in accidents. 13:24 And I can't tell you 13:27 how many times my heart bleeds 13:30 when I see children 13:32 who have not been parented appropriately 13:35 get themselves in a lot of trouble. 13:39 Driving in a car with friends sitting in the backseat 13:43 and pumping up the music should never ever happen. 13:46 One of my rules 13:48 that I have enforced with my son is that, 13:51 he's 17, "You can only drive with one person. 13:54 You can only drive with one person." 13:57 Because the more people you have in the car, 14:00 the more likely you are going to be distracted, 14:03 the more likely 14:04 you're going to want to show off 14:06 and display your driving ability. 14:09 You know, a lot of teenagers go through a phase that, 14:12 you know, we psychologists called personal fable, 14:15 and that is, "Nothing bad can happen to me." 14:18 You know, they are 100 yards away, 14:20 the light is changing from green to amber to red, 14:23 and they're thinking, "I can beat that." 14:25 You know, and your friends are saying, 14:26 "Go for it. 14:28 You can beat it." 14:29 You know, so there's a lot of challenges 14:30 that you have to confront with teenagers. 14:33 I was watching the news recently 14:35 and a mother was having a very difficult time 14:39 with her son. 14:41 And on the local news, 14:43 I mean, it was amazing that the mother 14:45 put the son out on the corner, put a sign, him wear a sign, 14:50 you know, across his body saying that, 14:53 hey, I have this problem, I have this problem, 14:56 I have this problem. 14:57 I've been disrespectful in this area. 14:59 And as people were driving by, 15:00 I mean, literally, 15:02 someone actually stopped and called the police. 15:04 And the police came, 15:06 and they didn't arrest the mother, 15:07 because, you know, she wasn't doing anything 15:08 against the law. 15:10 But when she came on news, she was saying that, 15:11 "Listen, you know, my son is just, 15:13 you know, he's out of control. 15:15 And, you know, while people may not agree 15:17 with my method, 15:19 you know, of exposing him, I'm simply, you know, 15:21 when everybody's recognize that, 15:23 you know, he needs help, 15:24 he needs to recognize that he needs help as well." 15:27 And maybe she's trying to embarrass him 15:28 or whatever she's trying to do, 15:30 you know, she was making a stance as a parent that, 15:33 "Hey, I'm not going to be the uninvolved mother. 15:36 I'm not going to be the permissive, 15:38 but I need to do something to try to reel my son back in." 15:43 And, you know, whether we agree or not, 15:44 I mean, I salute her in a sense that, 15:46 you know, she just didn't fold her arms 15:49 and to say, "You know what, I give up," 15:51 but she tried to do something 15:53 to, you know, to help the situation. 15:54 And I hear you, 15:56 and I hear what everyone's saying is that 15:57 we can't just be the, 15:59 you know, the permissive parent, 16:02 you know, you just let everything go. 16:04 But there are some other implications 16:05 that we can talk about as well, you know. 16:07 And let's kind of dissect this a little bit as well, 16:10 what are the implications for, 16:12 and this kind of trouble quite a bit, 16:14 what are the implication for an uninvolved parents? 16:16 If you are just really absent and not involved, 16:19 what are some of the implications 16:21 that you will see playing out from our young people? 16:24 Well, you know, with the uninvolved parent, 16:28 that child is learning to not respect authority. 16:33 So if mom is absent or dad is absent, 16:38 it means that there are no rules. 16:40 And I can do what I want to do. 16:42 This is how I rule. 16:43 And this is how I do things 16:44 so I can hang out with whomever. 16:46 Here's a very disturbing stat. 16:49 The African-American family in this country 16:54 comprises about 13.5% of the general population. 17:00 So there's about 40 million blacks 17:03 living in the States, 17:04 okay, 13.5% of the population. 17:08 And the prison population, 17:10 we comprise about 40% in the prison population. 17:15 So we have a disproportionate amount 17:18 of blacks, 17:19 especially black males in jail, 17:22 or in prison partly 17:25 because they were not parented properly. 17:28 Wow. Wow. 17:30 Muta, you know, when you're growing up, 17:32 you know, how are you disciplined, 17:33 did the mother and father discipline you? 17:35 And talk about that a little bit. 17:37 I know in every person's mind, you still can remember, 17:41 you know, who stood up and gave you discipline? 17:43 And what kind of effect did they have in your life? 17:46 You know, I'm glad you asked that question 17:48 because it's something I wanted to share earlier, 17:50 when you were talking 17:51 about the different parenting styles. 17:52 And I got that from my parents where it was a team effort. 17:55 Okay. 17:57 So I wasn't just dis... 17:59 Dad was not just authoritative, he was not the disciplinarian. 18:03 Mom wasn't so disciplinarian. 18:05 It was both, you know. 18:07 So you just never know 18:08 when it was coming and who was coming from. 18:11 And so you just had to be on guard at all times. 18:13 But I think we grew up 18:17 in a blend of, as Brandon said, 18:20 the authoritarian, authoritative, 18:22 and permissive style. 18:24 And I think they blended with whatever child it was. 18:29 I saw with my brother, 18:30 they're a little bit more authoritarian 18:32 with my sister. 18:34 When my sister who's right above me 18:36 and I came along, 18:38 they became to move into a, 18:40 they start to move into an authoritative, 18:42 permissive, with me, 18:44 especially a lot more permissive. 18:46 And I appreciated that 18:48 because I think the type of individual I was, 18:51 I was strong willed. 18:52 So if you were trying to be authoritarian on me, 18:55 I was gonna buck the system. 18:57 So it was like, 18:58 we might as well give him a little leeway. 19:01 And then to speak, if I can, on some of the implications, 19:04 a friend of mine... 19:06 What happens when the parents is uninvolved, 19:10 somebody ends up on death row, 19:12 like a buddy of mine who grew up in the church, 19:15 just like I did in the small town like I did. 19:18 We grew up in the two parent homes, 19:21 and he ended up on death row, and I didn't. 19:24 And I truly believe there was that issue 19:27 of parents were uninvolved. 19:29 One, his parents ended up splitting up, 19:32 ended up getting into a divorce. 19:33 And they were very uninvolved in their lives. 19:36 They thought they could just buy them 19:37 everything they needed, and they'll turn out right. 19:40 And what ended up happening is, it just wasn't enough. 19:44 You can't buy me enough stuff to show that you love me. 19:48 And so he started acting out 19:50 and eventually got into a situation 19:52 where somebody was shot, 19:55 and he ended up in trouble for it, you know. 19:58 So it's very, very tough situation 20:03 that you have to deal with when you're a parent. 20:05 Okay. Okay. 20:06 You know, it's kind of interesting, 20:08 it's great when parents are strategically determining 20:13 how and what blend of these styles to use, 20:16 because they're two men 20:19 and they're adjusting as they see fit. 20:23 But there's something else 20:24 that actually happens too sometimes. 20:26 And maybe, Dr. King, 20:27 you've seen some of this in some of the families 20:32 that you might work with. 20:33 But over time, as parents get older, 20:38 sometimes they just get tired of fighting. 20:40 And then they just, 20:41 actually, they fall into permissive, you know. 20:47 They raise two or three or four and then a big gap, 20:51 and then another one comes and they're tired, you know. 20:54 And they can't have a tendency 20:57 to fall into that permissive style, 21:00 especially if the child is not giving you 21:03 a whole lot of trouble. 21:04 And that's, that could be a dangerous combination, 21:07 because it's really a false sense of security. 21:10 Child is still a child, 21:12 still subject 21:13 to the temptations of the devil. 21:15 He's still going to try and go after him. 21:17 And if he doesn't avoid insidious way, 21:21 then you may not catch him. 21:23 And plus, you're older and tired. 21:25 So you figure, I don't need to be as involved. 21:27 Sure. 21:28 And before you know it, you're starting to see cue, 21:31 some kids are really good at keeping it from you. 21:34 So you just think they're the best child ever, 21:36 then you pick up a note or get a call from somebody, 21:39 someone saw your child here or doing this thing, 21:42 and you can't believe, you're caught way off guard. 21:45 Now, Brandon is absolutely right. 21:48 As we get older, our defense is dropped, 21:52 you know, we're not as actively involved, 21:54 we don't have the energy 21:56 and the will to impose ourselves on our kids. 22:00 Also, we tend to establish different rules 22:02 for boys and girls. 22:04 You know, the boys can run, 22:06 you know, they can run with their friends, 22:08 you know, they can come home late. 22:09 But we tend to be more protective of our girls. 22:12 And we forget that our boys can get in trouble. 22:15 They may not get pregnant, but they may contract HIV. 22:20 So you got to be careful. 22:22 Doc, is that is that done consciously that we are more, 22:25 more structured with our girls than with the boys? 22:29 'Cause I hear that all the time, 22:30 I know it be true, 'cause I see it as well. 22:33 You know, is that something we do intentionally? 22:34 Yes. 22:36 But, you know, I don't know 22:37 that we do it necessarily intentionally, 22:39 but we do it consciously. 22:40 Okay. 22:42 We feel that our daughters, the girls, 22:44 somehow they need more protection. 22:47 And in a sense we are right. 22:49 But then we forget that our boys 22:51 also need protection. 22:53 Because once they begin to run with their peer groups, 22:56 and they find themselves with guys 22:58 who are like them 22:59 or guys who can lead them astray, 23:01 it's difficult to reach them. 23:03 So as we kind of build that wall of protection 23:07 around our daughters, 23:10 we need to build similar walls around our sons also. 23:13 Okay. Okay. 23:15 You know, I remember growing up and, again, 23:17 I praise God just for my father's presence. 23:21 I raised up a few times, 23:23 you know, a few, being generous, 23:26 you know, I raised up. 23:27 And I never forget it was the Thursday night, 23:29 my father came in, he brought pizza and, 23:31 you know, our favorite TV show was on 23:33 and that particular Thursday night, 23:35 you know, whatever was on that pizza, 23:37 I did not want it. 23:38 And I made myself known, I said, "I don't want this." 23:42 And when I got done, saying, "I don't want this," 23:45 I kid you not, 23:46 you know from a Christian home, 23:48 I was on the wall. 23:49 Absolutely. 23:51 Help me, I'm standing there, 23:52 I don't remember my father said, 23:54 I don't remember all doing all but I do remember, 23:57 I was the victim. 23:58 And I remember just my father, 24:01 just taking me and dealing with me, 24:04 and saying, "Listen, you know, you don't respond, 24:08 you know, in such manners to your parent. 24:13 You know, I'm providing for you, 24:14 I love you, I care for you. 24:15 I'm doing all this." 24:17 And we need to recognize that when that's not done, 24:20 then, you know, boys, especially as children, 24:24 and, you know, boys, especially if they don't fear someone, 24:27 you know, then they'll do whatever, 24:29 you know, especially if they don't fear a father, 24:32 or a strong person in the family home, 24:34 they'll go on the outside and they'll just run rampant. 24:36 Absolutely. 24:38 You know, because there's no structure, 24:40 there's no boundaries. 24:41 And I look back around, 24:42 I look back right now and I say, 24:44 "You know what, I deserve it," you know? 24:45 I'm glad my father straight me up. 24:47 And even today, you know, 24:48 even with my five-year-old, 24:50 you know, my wife may say, you know, "Sit down," 24:53 you know, in her feminine voice, 24:55 and he may every now and then, 24:56 you know, "I'm still gonna do my thing." 24:58 But then when I step in, and say, 24:59 "Okay, sit down." 25:01 And I lower my voice, it's like, he's like, "Oh!" 25:05 You know, "Dad has spoken," you know? 25:07 And he sits himself down. 25:08 And I'm like, you know, 25:10 that's great that he respects that. 25:11 But on other side, I'm thinking myself, wow, 25:14 you know, the other friends that I have, 25:16 the other people that I know 25:17 they don't have that male figure. 25:20 And I'm seeing that there had, there's this, 25:22 there has to be some type of connection 25:24 of the dots. 25:25 We know where this is not happening 25:27 in our society today, 25:29 especially in our urban communities. 25:31 Let's kind of talk about 25:32 in the last two and a half minutes 25:33 that we have, in regards to some guidelines, 25:36 give us some parameters that we can set up to help us, 25:41 to be able to reach our children. 25:44 Parents need to establish boundaries. 25:47 They need to set the rules. 25:50 And when the rules are broken, 25:52 they need to enforce some type of a penalty. 25:57 You mentioned something very, very important, 25:59 very critical. 26:01 When sometimes when your wife talks to your son, you know, 26:05 he may get up and jump around. 26:07 And, but when you talk to him, he tends to listen. 26:10 You know, 26:11 there's the general reason for that, 26:13 because women talk more than men, 26:16 sometimes the children tune them out. 26:19 So what the women have got to learn to do 26:22 is to speak less, but enforce more. 26:26 There is no reason to say, 26:28 "How many times do I have to tell you 26:29 not to do this? 26:31 Are you doing it again?" 26:32 Speak less, but enforce more. 26:35 Another guideline set realistic expectations. 26:39 Don't expect your child to sit in the same seat 26:41 for two hours. 26:42 It's just not going to happen. 26:44 And they're going break the rule. 26:45 So the expectations must be realistic. 26:48 Become involved in your children's activities, 26:51 know who they're running with, their friends, 26:54 their peer groups. 26:56 Also try to expose them to good role models. 26:59 That's good, good role models. 27:01 And, you know, that's gonna be a point 27:02 that we're gonna come back to 27:04 because we got to talk about 27:05 this whole mentorship concept 27:07 that so many times that we just don't have, 27:11 you know, a good role model for our children to look at. 27:14 And I think that's absolutely critical. 27:16 You know, I always challenge our viewers, 27:20 those who have tuned in today, 27:21 just I know that so many times 27:24 it can be difficult as a parent. 27:25 And sometimes as we said before, 27:28 sometimes you just have gotten to the point 27:30 where you feel, like, "You know what, 27:31 there's nothing else I can do. 27:33 I'm just gonna give up. 27:35 I'm just gonna, you know, wash my hands of this 27:37 and hope that they turn out for the very best." 27:39 You know what, I found out, 27:40 like, Hannah prayed in the Bible, 27:42 when she prayed fervently unto the Lord. 27:45 The Bible says that God heard her prayer, 27:48 and the prayers of mothers, the prayers of fathers, 27:51 God hears those prayers. And I trust you. 27:54 I want you to trust me right now 27:55 that when you cry out to God, 27:57 God can move in a mark way, trust Him. 28:00 I'm Pastor William Lee. 28:01 Until next time, I pray that God will continue 28:04 to richly bless your life. 28:06 God bless you. 28:08 Amen. |
Revised 2023-04-13