Help In Daily Living

Dealing With Anger And Hurt Feelings

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Mike Lemon (Host)


Series Code: HDL

Program Code: HDL000008

00:39 Hello and welcome to Help In Daily Living.
00:40 Today we are going to talk about how we deal with hurt
00:44 feelings, how do we deal with frustration and anger?
00:47 How do we deal when someone steps on our toes?
00:51 I mean if they do it on purpose it really hurts.
00:53 But what if they do it unintentionally? It still hurts.
00:56 How do we deal with it when people hurt us?
00:59 In Romans 12:21 it tells us, "do not be overcome with
01:03 "evil, but overcome evil with good."
01:06 What that is actually saying is that when someone is bad
01:10 to me, I should actually be good to them.
01:12 In my human nature, really that is not natural to me.
01:16 So I think we really do need to find strength when we
01:21 deal with this topic on how to deal with conflict?
01:24 How to deal with frustration and anger and hurt feelings?
01:26 So I'm going to ask Carmen to lead us in a word or prayer.
01:29 Carmen would you do that?
01:31 Dear heavenly Father I thank you so much for this
01:34 beautiful day and for Your nature here.
01:36 And God I just want to ask that You will come and be with
01:38 us now as we talk about how You would have us to relate to
01:41 our brothers and sisters in Christ, in Jesus name. Amen!
01:49 One of my life goals is to run a marathon.
01:51 But preparing for a marathon takes about 16 weeks of
01:55 training, and before you can even start the average
01:57 training program, you have to be able to run 30 minutes
02:00 nonstop, yeah I can do that, but it is extremely tiring.
02:05 When training starts, you run three or four days a week.
02:09 As the weeks go by the mileage increases.
02:12 By the last week of training you run 34.2 miles.
02:16 This is just the running part of training.
02:18 In preparation for a marathon you also have to eat
02:21 healthy food, drink lots of water, not pop,
02:25 and get plenty of sleep.
02:27 All of this is done so use can say, I ran a marathon.
02:30 Throughout the whole training program,
02:33 your body is being pushed to the max and there
02:36 are days when you want to quit.
02:38 This whole training thing to me seems like a lot of
02:41 hard work and sacrifice to go through for a little
02:44 ribbon to hang around the neck.
02:46 But for me, it is a life goal.
02:48 It is something I want to do.
02:50 In order to achieve this goal, I have to face the
02:53 challenges and endure the struggles that it will take
02:56 to concur, also on my list of life goals, far above
03:02 the marathon, is a simple phrase, Jesus in heaven.
03:06 To obtain this goal will take more than sitting in church
03:09 once a week, more than praying before every meal and
03:13 before I get into bed.
03:14 Reaching my destination will take more than reading
03:17 a Bible verse every morning.
03:19 To achieve a saving relationship with God will take
03:23 a sacrifice of myself at every level.
03:27 It will take a daily battle, an intense struggle,
03:30 but I know that when I get to heaven and I receive my prize,
03:34 I will look back on this life and say without a shadow of
03:38 a doubt, truly heaven is cheap enough.
03:44 Never be sad or desponding,
03:46 only have faith to believe.
03:50 Grace, for the duties before thee,
03:54 Ask of thy God and receive.
03:58 Never give up, never give up,
04:05 Never give up to thy sorrows,
04:09 Jesus will bid them depart.
04:13 Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord,
04:16 Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord!
04:20 Sing when your trials are greatest,
04:23 Trust in the Lord and take heart.
04:28 What if thy burdens oppress thee;
04:31 What though thy life may be drear;
04:35 Look on the side that is brightest,
04:38 Pray, and thy path will be clear.
04:43 Never give up, never give up,
04:47 Never give up, never give up!
04:50 Never give up to thy sorrows,
04:54 Jesus will bid them depart.
04:58 Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord,
05:01 Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord!
05:05 Sing when thy trials are greatest
05:08 trust in the Lord and take heart
05:13 Never be sad or desponding,
05:17 lean on the arm of the Lord
05:20 dwell in the depths of His mercy,
05:24 thou shalt receive thy reward.
05:28 Never give up, never give up,
05:32 Never give up, never give up!
05:36 Never give up to thy sorrows
05:40 Jesus will bid them depart.
05:43 Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord,
05:47 Trust in the Lord, trust in the Lord!
05:50 Sing when thy trials are greatest
05:55 trust in the Lord and take heart
06:03 So that song, Never Give up says that we should never be
06:07 sad or desponding, so what it is actually saying is that
06:11 we should be cheerful as Christians.
06:13 We should never give up being kind,
06:15 and being cheerful with others.
06:17 Why do you think that is important for us as Christians?
06:21 Well if we are sad and grumpy all the time then people
06:25 won't want to be friends with us.
06:26 How can we lead them to Christ if
06:28 they're not friends with us?
06:29 I kind of have an example, a story that happened
06:32 to me a couple Fridays ago.
06:33 I was playing soccer after lunch and I was wearing these
06:37 shoes that had elastic on the front.
06:38 Every time I would kick the softball my shoe would go flying
06:42 into the air, so I decided it would be better just
06:46 to take my shoes off and played barefoot.
06:48 So that is what I did. The only problem was,
06:50 I kept getting my toes stepped on with all the other
06:53 players with their shoes on.
06:54 I kept getting my toes stepped on and kicked and all
06:57 sorts of things, that wasn't too fun.
06:59 It wasn't bad at first though, I was able to avoid the
07:02 People's feet, there was only about six of us playing at
07:05 first, but then a couple more people joined us and
07:08 we were playing with a few more.
07:09 My toes kept getting stepped on more and more and
07:12 I was getting kind of upset because my feet were
07:15 hurting and it was too much fun.
07:16 The other thing that was happening the other team was
07:19 playing really well together, they were making excellent
07:22 passes and great goals and working really well together
07:25 as a team and our team wasn't doing so well.
07:28 I was kind of discouraged, this is not fair,
07:31 I was thinking this to myself in my head and I wanted
07:33 to just complain about the situation.
07:35 But then I looked around at everybody else and they were
07:39 having such a fun time, it was a really fun game to play.
07:42 It is just a game, it wasn't a big deal that we weren't doing
07:46 too well, it was just fun.
07:47 So I decided why should I ruin this fun time everyone
07:51 else is having by complaining and so I prayed in my head
07:55 to God, Lord please help me not to complain about this.
07:59 Help me to be cheerful and silent about these complaints
08:03 I wanted to say.
08:05 He really came through, God was able to help me
08:08 keep those complaints inside.
08:10 So you had to literally had someone was stepping
08:12 on your toes, but people did not know how you are feeling?
08:17 Probably not. - probably not.
08:19 You had this internal struggle with yourself. - yeah.
08:23 You turned to God, and God gave you peace of the whole thing
08:27 and helped you to be cheerful in that situation. - yeah.
08:31 So internally when we go through the struggles, that is
08:34 really where it is, isn't it Carmen? - yes!
08:36 How do you do with internal struggles?
08:39 Have you had that kind of experience?
08:41 Yeah a couple years ago it was like a lifestyle for me.
08:46 I judged people a lot because I would think they were
08:49 doing something against me, or speaking badly to me.
08:54 So I would have these feelings against people that just would
08:58 not like them, wouldn't talk to them and depressed and everybody
09:02 thought I just hated everybody.
09:04 I was having kind of a pity party for myself in my room
09:08 one time, and I'm not sure exactly why but I just picked up
09:13 Ministry of Healing and opened up on the chapter of the Mind.
09:16 and the first thing I read was, it is our positive duty
09:20 to resist melancholy and discontented thoughts
09:23 is as much of a duty as it is to pray. - wow.
09:25 So I was really struck with that and like wow, I'm not
09:30 really living up to God's will for me and I'm not leading
09:34 people to Christ, and I'm not fulfilling my duties.
09:37 It's saying it is as much a duty to resist those thoughts
09:41 as it is to pray? - right!
09:43 God can't make you resist those thoughts.
09:45 - God wants us to pray so we know that. - exactly.
09:48 You choose to pray, you choose to resist those thoughts.
09:51 Yeah, and so I chose to resist and I chose to change
09:54 but it wasn't easy, and even still now, it is hard for me
09:59 to just resist that and go out in a self-defense mode
10:03 and look at it from a different perspective and look at
10:06 it for more on the outside that they probably didn't
10:09 really mean to do that, or even if they did, I can just
10:12 give it to God and it really hasn't been easy.
10:14 This year I read in Help In Daily Living how we should
10:17 not allow our spirits to chafe from any real or
10:21 supposed wrongs done unto us and it has been helping me
10:23 to resist the tendency.
10:27 Have you ever felt you are the only one who knows what
10:30 you're going through?
10:31 When those depressing feelings press upon us we have
10:35 a remedy, a balm, no not a bomb like kaboom, but a balm.
10:38 Or a concealing ointment, the balm from Gilead.
10:40 In ancient times the balm of Gilead, called 'balsam of Mecca'
10:44 The balm was used to heal wounds and it was so scarce
10:47 that is was worth twice its weight in silver.
10:49 Known for its pleasing aromatic fragrance, a one ounce bottle of
10:52 balsam of Mecca perfume today is worth around $10,000.
10:56 This perfume carries a deeper meaning.
10:57 In Jeremiah 46:11 it says go up to Gilead and take balm,
11:01 O virgin, the daughter of Egypt; in vain you will use
11:04 many remedies; there is no healing for you.
11:06 In Israel balm is a metaphor for the Messiah, Jesus.
11:10 Gilead was a healing testimony.
11:12 The song 'There Is A Balm in Gilead' is a constant
11:14 reminder of the salvation that Jesus bought for us on
11:17 Calvary's Hill. So don't search for remedies in vain,
11:19 Let Jesus will be that pleasing aromatic scent that fills
11:22 your life and provides the healing you need.
11:33 ¤ (Musical Introduction)
12:02 There is a balm in Gilead
12:09 To make the wounded whole
12:17 There is a balm in Gilead
12:25 To heal the sin sick soul
12:31 Some times I feel discouraged
12:38 And I seek thy works in vain
12:45 Oh but then the Holy Spirit
12:52 Revives my soul again
13:00 There is a balm in Gilead
13:08 to heal the sin, sick soul
13:33 if you cannot preach like Peter
13:39 if you cannot pray thy balm
13:45 you can tell the love of Jesus
13:51 and say He died for all,
14:00 There is a balm,
14:10 there is a balm
14:17 To heal the sin sick soul
14:45 So you have these feelings of frustration and sometimes you
14:49 turn to God and deal with it, but sometimes we need others
14:54 to kind of pull us out of it.
14:56 You know we are angry, we're frustrated at having conflict
15:00 someone, have you ever had a feeling or an experience
15:04 like that where someone else is actually pulled
15:06 you out of it? - I have.
15:08 I know I am a typical teenager. I cherished the freedoms
15:13 I have and there is nothing that bugs me more than a rule
15:17 that I see as something trespassing against my rights
15:22 as a young adult.
15:23 Recently, after our dorm worship, our head Dean got up
15:28 because he said he had an announcement to make.
15:30 This wasn't just any announce- ment, this was a notification
15:34 with of a new rule that had just been made, something
15:36 we had to do or whatever it was.
15:38 I saw it as something messing with my rights,
15:42 I got so upset I remember that after that worship,
15:46 after that announcement a bunch of us guys were
15:49 sitting around the lobby and we're talking about
15:51 why it wasn't right.
15:53 Others were saying, oh it makes sense.
15:55 To me it did not make any sense at all and right then
15:59 our head Dean came up and said, so how are you guys doing?
16:02 I was so upset and so some of the guys started asking
16:06 questions and nothing was making sense to me and
16:09 I just stomped off to my room.
16:11 I had had enough of it and now I was going,
16:14 I was just upset and went to my room.
16:16 A couple of hours later, when it was time to go to bed,
16:19 our Dean was walking around and making sure everyone
16:22 was in their rooms.
16:23 I ran into him in the hallway and he said, look Randy
16:26 I can tell that you are upset.
16:28 - I said yeah! I'm really upset.
16:30 He said can I answer any questions.
16:33 I said, boy you can, so I just laid into him and said
16:36 I have this question and I don't understand why this is
16:39 this way, and the thing that amazed me was while
16:43 I was so frustrated one by one he took every question
16:48 and calmly and quietly answered it so that
16:51 it made sense to me.
16:53 After, I don't know how long we talked there, 15 or 20
16:56 minutes, I was able to leave and I wasn't upset anymore.
16:59 I was calm and the rule made sense.
17:02 I look back on that and I read in the Bible in
17:06 Proverbs 15:1 where it says, a soft answer turns away wrath.
17:10 I saw it to be true in my life. - yeah, yeah!
17:13 Sometimes when we, I don't know I've had that
17:15 experience and I have seen in other people when you feel
17:18 like you are rights are being taken away, your volume
17:21 goes up, right? - oh yeah. But as my volume went up,
17:25 his went down and just calmed me down, it was amazing.
17:29 That is amazing, yeah. Just keep that self-control.
17:33 So God sent someone else to help you out of that
17:37 situation, and a soft answer turns away wrath as the
17:40 Bible says, - it can be really helpful.
17:42 Have you had an experience like that Rachel?
17:45 Yeah well what Randy was saying reminds me a lot of my
17:48 mom, because when I was younger I used to get in trouble
17:51 a lot, for all different kinds of things.
17:53 Not making my bed, or forgetting to fold my laundry,
17:56 or just a lot of mischievous things I would get into that
18:00 I would get in trouble for.
18:01 And I hate it, getting in trouble.
18:03 I absolutely hated it, so I would get really mad
18:06 at my mom and I would just scream and cry and
18:08 I would not say very nice things to her.
18:11 It was really interesting because at first my mom would
18:15 get really frustrated too, but then suddenly in the middle
18:18 of it, I don't know she, I don't know how she did it but
18:21 she kind of all of a sudden stopped and started talking
18:24 to me really quietly, really intently showing that
18:28 she was listening to what I was screaming.
18:30 I don't know, just somehow by her doing that it made me
18:34 kind of calm down and snap out of it.
18:36 I realize she's actually listening to what I'm screaming.
18:39 Like she actually wants to hear where I'm coming from.
18:42 - So you wanted to be listened to? - yeah pretty much.
18:45 After that we were able to talk things out more rationally
18:48 and usually I would still get in trouble and have to pay the
18:52 consequences, but at the end of the day though I wasn't
18:55 holding a grudge against her.
18:56 I didn't hate her for what happened.
18:57 So instead of your volume continuing to climb, I mean it
19:01 made no sense right? I mean you just bring it down
19:04 because you know they are listening, so you bring it down
19:07 and you calm down and all of a sudden your rational mind
19:11 kicks in instead of the emotions right?
19:13 We need other people to bring us out of these things
19:17 sometimes, and sometimes we need to be that other person
19:20 to bring someone else out of it right?
19:23 So when we get someone speaking angry words to us, just
19:28 remember that verse, that a soft answer turns away wrath.
19:35 So when someone treats as a harsh way to be calm and to
19:41 remember the words of the Bible, turn towards God
19:46 ourselves and we can help others out of those situations.
19:50 Right, I think likes as we experienced that every day,
19:53 you know we are dealing with people and something may
19:56 bother us or what ever, but when we are able and willing
19:59 to be calmer we can deal with that.
20:02 The thing of it is that they didn't do it themselves,
20:05 Mr. James, as he was listening to Randy, his problems
20:08 about the new rule, and Rachel's mom when she was
20:11 listening to Rachel screaming at her, they did become
20:15 that part by themselves - yeah they had to be praying and
20:18 God her working through them.
20:20 To listen and have that patience, it takes patience
20:24 Yes it does, and so the enemy that we most need to be
20:27 afraid of is who? - ourselves. - self.
20:35 God has shown me that life is too precious to waste.
20:39 This year I was faced with a Doctor telling me I had the
20:42 possibility of having cancer.
20:45 The news came as reality check, thankfully, through the
20:49 grace of God, test showed there was no cancer.
20:53 Looking back on what happened, I could see that I was
20:57 constantly focusing on myself.
20:59 Through this whole experience, I have realized that
21:03 I really can cast my cares upon Jesus and not worry about
21:08 myself. Psalms 55:22 says, cast thy burden upon the Lord
21:13 and He shall sustain me.
21:15 Jesus knows what our burdens are like and
21:19 He calls us to give them to Him.
21:21 God has taught me to take everything in life seriously
21:25 and to make the most of every day.
21:27 Live every day like it was your last and you will live
21:32 a fulfilled life.
21:34 In everything you do, put God first.
21:37 Today when you hear His voice listen and give Him the
21:42 top priority in your life.
21:47 I have found a friend in Jesus, He's everything to me,
21:51 He's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul;
21:55 The Lily of the Valley, in Him alone I see
21:59 All I need to cleanse and make me fully whole.
22:04 In sorrow He's my comfort, in trouble He's my stay;
22:08 He tells me every care on Him to roll. Hallelujah!
22:13 He's the Lily of the Valley, the Bright and Morning Star,
22:17 He's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul.
22:21 He all my grief has taken, and all my sorrows borne;
22:26 In temptation He's my strong and mighty tow'r;
22:30 I have all for Him forsaken, and all my idols torn
22:34 From my heart and now He keeps me by His pow'r.
22:39 Though all the world forsake me, and Satan tempt me sore,
22:43 Through Jesus I shall safely reach the goal. Hallelujah!
22:48 He's the Lily of the Valley, the Bright and Morning Star,
22:52 He the fairest of ten thousand to my soul,
22:56 He'll never, never leave me, He will not forsake me here.
23:01 While I live by faith and do His blessed will;
23:05 A wall of fire about me, I've nothing now to fear,
23:10 With His manna He my hungry soul doth fill.
23:14 Then sweeping up to glory I'll see His blessed face,
23:18 Where rivers of delight shall ever roll. Hallelujah!
23:23 He's the Lily of the Valley, the bright morning Star
23:27 He's the fairest of ten thousand to my soul.
23:39 Jesus is that Lily of the Valley. He is the one who
23:41 pulls us out of the circum- stances where it's frustrating,
23:45 where we have a conflict and it just seems
23:48 to get worse and worse.
23:50 We turn to Him, He's the one that can pull us out at that.
23:54 I have a situation that happened last year where God really
23:57 helped me with that.
23:59 My friend and I had this conflict that kept coming up
24:02 over and over and over again.
24:04 We thought we had dealt with it or whenever, and the next
24:07 thing it would come up again and show up somewhere else
24:10 and we would have misunder- standings and disagreements
24:13 and maybe arguments or whatever.
24:15 There are many times where I think we both questioned
24:19 if we really even wanted to have a friendship
24:21 with each other.
24:22 Like what is the point of being a friend when
24:24 you have so many problems, right?
24:25 So we've kind of struggling with those thoughts sometimes,
24:29 and one of those times when I was struggling with those
24:32 thoughts, I'm just going to go talk to her again and we
24:35 are going to settle this out once and for all or whatever.
24:38 I went to go see her, she was available to talk at the
24:42 time, she wasn't doing anything and so I sat down in her
24:45 room and decided to tell her what I thought.
24:47 Next thing nasty comments were flying both ways and
24:52 it was not a very good situation.
24:55 The conversation was going downhill and
24:57 we weren't getting anywhere and so then there was
25:01 a time where we both just stop talking and were silent.
25:04 I think in a way we were almost afraid if we said
25:06 something we would regret what we would have said.
25:09 So anyway we were just sitting there and I was praying
25:12 and asking God what to do.
25:14 He told me to pray out loud, so with the person I was
25:20 having this argument with and I'm like pray out loud?
25:23 That will be too weird just sitting here and all of
25:27 a sudden You want me to pray out loud.
25:28 But the impression came again, yes pray out loud.
25:32 I'm like okay Lord, so I said I'm going to pray.
25:35 I closed my eyes and bowed my head and started to pray
25:39 and asked God to be with our conversation and to help
25:45 to move forward and upward. I said Lord if you want us
25:49 to really have this friendship please make us repent
25:53 so this conversation really help us and I said Amen. We both
25:59 looked at each other and thought were to for now.
26:02 The conversation was just completely different.
26:06 We both started to take responsibility for what we
26:09 had done and we started to apologize and things just
26:13 really got on the table and God just helped us so much.
26:16 We were able, by the end of the conversation
26:18 we were able to say I love you and I'm glad that
26:22 we were able to get this figured out.
26:23 Got really helped and we prayed together at the end too.
26:27 And because God came and helped us with that conversation
26:30 and that conflict we are friends today.
26:32 Wow. - wow things change. - yeah and when you are
26:35 going through something like that it seems like it is
26:38 absolutely impossible, like I'm just going to give up.
26:42 To have that fortitude to say I'm going to stick with this
26:46 and then what do you do? You turn to God in prayer.
26:50 It can be hard but if you are willing to humble yourself
26:53 it is so worth it. - absolutely.
26:55 - sometimes it is all you can do is to turn to God.
26:58 - yeah, yeah! And He can pull you out of that situation
27:01 and praying out loud like that, what an encouraging
27:04 response and what an uplifting response to know God
27:07 is doing that in your life.
27:09 So turning to God, I mean He is the source of overcoming
27:14 self and helping us to deal with conflict and to go from
27:20 a situation of frustration to total peace.
27:23 That is what God wants to lead us to.
27:25 None of us likes to do with conflict, I mean we don't
27:28 like that conflict situation, but we want peace.
27:31 So let's close today's discus- sion with a word of prayer.
27:36 Can you lead as Victoria?. - sure.
27:37 Let's bow our heads. Dear Lord, I just thank You so much
27:41 that when we are in conflict, none of us like conflict,
27:44 I just thank You that we can call on You and You can give
27:48 us Your strength Lord, and Your peace throughout the
27:51 conflict and You can help us solve it. Thank you Lord
27:54 in Your name, Amen. - Amen
28:01 Help in Daily Living is a 13 part series from Fountain
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28:08 of practical everyday Christianity.
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Revised 2014-12-17