Participants: Mike Lemon (Host)
Series Code: HDL
Program Code: HDL000009
00:38 Hello and welcome to Help In Daily Living.
00:40 Today we are going to be looking at words and
00:42 relationships, you know the two go together.
00:45 By our words we are affecting our relationships,
00:49 if our words are good our relationships are good, and if
00:51 they are not our relationships tend to fall apart.
00:54 The real heart of it is found in Proverbs 23:7 where it
00:59 says, "as a man thinketh in his heart so is he."
01:03 So the only real security for any soul is right-thinking.
01:07 So as we think, if we think right, we have right words.
01:12 And with right words we have right actions and it affects
01:15 our relationships and gives us good relationships.
01:18 A very practical topic and before we get into it today,
01:22 I'm going to ask Jessica to lead us in a work of prayer.
01:25 Dear heavenly Father, today as we learn about words and
01:30 relationships I just want to pray that you would teach
01:32 us Lord to have the thoughts that You would want us to have
01:35 so that as we are speaking and as we are dealing with
01:39 people and acting or whatever Lord, we will be the people
01:42 You want us to be.
01:43 Thank you Father for hearing our prayers,
01:44 I love you, in Your name. Amen!
01:46 Amen! Amen!
01:49 Throughout my day I'm frequently asked the question by
01:53 my friends and classmates, Megan, How are you doing today?
01:56 On a good day I'll answer them by saying, oh, I am feeling
02:00 great, but on a bad day I feel like telling them all my
02:04 sorrows, I'm sore from this, or I'm really tired,
02:07 or I feel discouraged about something.
02:09 One day I asked a friend of mine how he was doing.
02:14 He replied with a huge smile, I'm feeling very blessed.
02:18 It made me stop and think, even as he briefly passed by me
02:23 he took the opportunity to glorify God.
02:25 He could have said anything, but he chose to praise God
02:29 instead, it was so uplifting to me.
02:32 He directed my thoughts towards God instead of himself.
02:35 His response has impressed my memory and has made me want
02:39 to follow his example ever since.
02:41 It is not about me, but about Christ
02:44 in every thought and word.
02:48 Not I, but Christ be honored, loved, exalted,
02:57 Not I, but Christ be seen, be known be heard;
03:09 Not I, but Christ in every look and action,
03:19 Not I, but Christ in every thought and word.
03:30 Not I, but Christ to gently soothe in sorrow,
03:41 Not I, but Christ to wipe the falling tear;
03:51 Not I, but Christ to lift the weary burden,
04:02 Not I, but Christ to hush away all fear.
04:14 Not I, but Christ my every need supplying,
04:23 Not I, but Christ my strength and health to be;
04:33 Christ, only Christ, for body, soul, and spirit,
04:43 Christ, only Christ, here and eternally.
04:54 Not I, but Christ.
05:07 That song, Not, I but Christ has beautiful words, I mean
05:11 if you are saying not I but Christ be seen, be known,
05:15 be heard, Christ only Christ not a trace of I be found.
05:20 Really with regard to the topic we are talking about,
05:24 words and relationships, it is always self that seems to get
05:27 out of the cage and take over.
05:30 When I get into the picture, it is not Christ that is seen
05:34 anymore, it is just me.
05:36 You know I had an experience like that where I got in the
05:40 way, where myself got in the way and we were playing
05:46 soccer and there was always this really good soccer
05:50 player, but he always flaunted it.
05:53 He was very proud of himself, very prideful right?
05:57 Me and a couple of other guys on my team were always like,
06:01 that guy is really good but he gets on our nerves a lot.
06:05 We decided to do something bad back to him, like we wanted
06:10 to trip him, and we attempted sometimes.
06:13 But after a while it came to my mind that we were really
06:18 being no better than he is to us.
06:20 Like it says in Help In Daily Living, the very act of
06:28 looking for evil in others develops evil in ourselves.
06:31 And it is really about competi- tion and comparison, right?
06:38 Yes. - and Daniel you were telling me about you had the
06:41 same type of feeling with the guy at school.
06:44 Yeah, well it was my sophomore year in high school and
06:47 I met this guy and he was always trying to prove his strength.
06:50 When I would get home before I came to Fountain View, I would
06:55 always get comments from others saying that I was so tall
07:00 and everything and I wish that you could give me some of
07:02 your height and all that kind stuff.
07:03 I've was kind of also kind of strong, and so I had to put
07:06 a lot of pride in that right?
07:08 I put a lot of self worth in that and this guy came to me
07:14 and tried to challenge me in arm wrestling and stuff.
07:16 I would lose and I would feel a little less self worth
07:19 every single time, so I would try to make up for that.
07:22 So like for instance during PE, his class would come by
07:27 running by the parent farm and I worked as a forklift
07:30 driver, and you are supposed to lift bins onto the wagon.
07:33 To get them ready to go out into the field and harvest
07:37 carrots, and every time his class would come by
07:41 I would get off a forklift and start lifting those big
07:43 huge wooden heavy bins with my hands.
07:46 - so they could see you - ya putting them on the things
07:49 and everybody was staring at amazement, going oh, he is so
07:52 Buff and I liked the attention.
07:53 I would get whistles and all that stuff and everybody
07:56 would tell me how good I was and what not.
07:58 But one day I was actually going to my own PE class and
08:03 one of the girls in my class, she comes up to me and she
08:07 is like, you know what? You don't need to prove your
08:09 strength, we already know you are strong and we like
08:12 you just the way you are.
08:13 That really hit me because somebody that I respected saw
08:17 the same thing I hated in the other guy in me.
08:20 I realize that through looking at his problems and making
08:27 my mind to dwell on his problems, it created that same
08:33 problem in me. - Yeah!
08:34 Isn't that something? How when you try and get to take
08:40 control and become better, and have better relationships
08:43 with others actually destroys your relationship and self
08:47 comes out, you know!
08:49 But when you are humble and you look for the good in
08:54 others, it is a way that Jesus sees things. You know!
08:58 You develop, probably that is the guidance we should have,
09:01 What would Jesus do in this situation?
09:03 Exactly, and I know as my sophomore year went on, it took
09:10 me until my junior year that I actually realized that
09:14 I just could not think about his wrong behaviors,
09:19 I had to think about his positive traits in order to
09:21 develop a relationship with him. - that is good.
09:23 How is your relationship with him now?
09:25 We are good friends now and that is because, not just
09:29 because of me, but because of him.
09:31 We both grew and he started seeing the good traits in me.
09:34 If you focus on the good and positive things in other
09:37 people you can actually become friends with them, even
09:40 people you never liked, people that frustrated
09:43 you can become friends. - Amen, Praise the Lord.
09:49 As a very little girl I always wanted a baby sister.
09:52 I had hoped for a one, begged for one, and prayed for one.
09:55 But when she finally came, my mom was too busy with baby
09:58 Olivia to give me the attention that she used to.
10:01 I felt rejected. As we got older I became increasingly
10:05 jealous of Olivia.
10:07 I sealed my heart away where it could no longer be touched
10:10 and I became insensitive, critical and unloving.
10:15 But God changed my heart, actually He gave me a new one.
10:18 A heart like His, made of tender flesh that would love,
10:22 and feel both sympathy and pain.
10:24 Now because I'm not focused on protecting myself,
10:27 I can focus on loving others.
10:29 I never have to be afraid of getting hurt because
10:32 everything that threats to me has already been filtered
10:35 through Christ's fingers. He has covered me with His hand.
10:52 (He Hideth My Soul)
11:07 A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
11:13 A wonderful Savior to me;
11:20 He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
11:27 Where rivers of pleasure I see.
11:33 He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
11:41 That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
11:49 He hideth my life in the depths of His love,
11:57 And covers me there with His hand,
12:04 And covers me there with His hand.
12:24 A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
12:30 He taketh my burden away,
12:36 He holdeth me up and I shall not be moved,
12:44 He giveth me strength as my day.
12:52 With numberless blessings each moment He crowns,
12:59 And filled with His fullness divine,
13:05 I sing in my rapture, oh, glory to God!
13:13 For such a Redeemer as mine.
13:19 He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
13:27 That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
13:33 He hideth my life in the depths of His love,
13:42 And covers me there with His hand,
13:50 And covers me there with His hand.
14:01 And covers me there with His hand!
14:24 You know that song he hideth my soul in the cleft of the
14:27 rock? What is telling us about relationships is that
14:30 we have to hide ourselves in Christ because I will get
14:36 out of the cage and take over and start,
14:38 I don't like this about this person and
14:41 we have harsh judgments and you know.
14:45 So sometimes what we do is we kind of bite our tongues
14:49 when see something in someone else and say, uh,
14:52 I'm not going to say anything, I'm going to be polite,
14:54 but eventually you kind of get one of those days when you
14:57 get crabby and all of a sudden it all comes out. Right?
14:59 So what that song is telling us is to actually to hide self to
15:06 make it not I but Christ, is to hide myself in Christ.
15:09 Right, yeah this year we get a roommate right!
15:15 So I got to room with Brooke and so we found out right
15:20 away that we were total opposites.
15:22 - I thought you both be the same year both from California
15:24 you would have so much in common, you went canvassing
15:29 together. - we did, we did go canvassing together but,
15:32 like we have a lot of things in common that are important.
15:35 We start around the same time,
15:37 we have our devotions everyday, we are both really
15:40 tidy and we like things organized and so like we make
15:43 sure everything is really clean.
15:44 But Brooke's really sporty, outdoorsy and I'm definitely
15:48 a girly girl and so sometimes it doesn't necessarily
15:52 always mesh and so like this year has been great,
15:56 but there is this one point where I started noticing all
16:01 these problems, these little things Brooke did that annoy me.
16:06 Like at first I tried to ignore it, like people normally
16:11 do, it was like okay I will get over it.
16:13 But that didn't happen, It came to the point where every time
16:18 I saw Brooke like at school and in the cafeteria,
16:21 all I could see was shhhhh! I can see she's got this
16:25 problem, this problem, and this problem but I played that
16:28 role if you don't have anything nice to say,
16:31 don't say anything at all so I bit my tongue.
16:35 - So outwardly you are trying to control yourself?
16:37 Yes outwardly I was trying to control myself, it wasn't
16:40 working and I was getting frustrated and
16:41 my life just wasn't happy.
16:43 So I knew I needed to take that next step, by having a
16:48 deep love for Christ, like I knew what He had done for me.
16:52 If He hadn't done that for me, I had no business pointing
16:57 out faults of others really.
16:59 I knew it was a bad habit that had developed since I was
17:02 little because I am a perfectionist, so I knew God was
17:06 trying to help me overcome it.
17:08 So I didn't want to do the same thing like when I
17:12 married like that would be terrible.
17:14 - because you're living with someone right?
17:17 And you just don't get along with them.
17:19 Exactly and so I prayed about it and I read this in
17:25 Help In Daily Living, the book and it says, "cultivate the
17:28 "habit of speaking well of others. Dwell on their
17:32 "good qualities with those with whom you associate and
17:35 "say as little as possible about errors or feelings.
17:37 "When tempted to complain about what someone has said or
17:40 "done, praise something in that persons life character."
17:43 So just biting my tongue did not work, I had to take that
17:49 next step and so when I was like in our room I tried to
17:55 see all the good parts of her character.
17:57 Unfortunately though, my biting my tongue had turned into
18:03 a silent treatment and I didn't realize it, so Brooke called
18:09 me out on it and she said we are not going to live like
18:11 this anymore, you are going to tell me what is wrong.
18:14 I was like okay, I don't really want to.
18:17 So I just told her, but it was good and we prayed about it
18:22 and it has become a lot easier for me when I see people
18:26 to see the wonderful things about that person.
18:29 So from your side, will have a room mate was definitely
18:34 different, growing up I never had a roommate, always had my
18:37 own room, and when we first got to be roommates it was like
18:41 fine. People told me having a room- mate will test your
18:45 character a little and you will learn a lot about yourself.
18:46 I didn't really listen, I just thought I would have so much fun
18:49 And we did, we had a blast but then that experience came
18:52 up, like I struggled with it as well.
18:54 We struggled with the same thing.
18:57 I would look at Sarah and I speak my mind and it was so
19:02 hard not to say anything to like withhold and eventually
19:07 I'm a confrontational person.
19:09 If someone has something against me or someone's is mad,
19:12 I don't know why but I will call them out,
19:13 just like she said.
19:14 I came into the room and Sarah we can't go like this,
19:16 What am I doing that is wrong? Like what is bugging you?
19:19 She said Brooke don't want to tell you.
19:20 I'm trying to praise things.
19:23 I was like Sarah what am I doing that is bugging you?
19:24 I kept persisting and finally she told me.
19:28 It was like a hard pride killer, you know.
19:31 The whole time I was praying God help me to bite my
19:34 tongue, I don't want to say something bad back at her.
19:38 Through that she told the things that bugged her and
19:41 I recognized those of the very things I saw in her that
19:45 was driving me crazy and I recognize that before at the
19:48 point a fault that somebody else, I need to look in the
19:50 mirror because so often the things in my life that
19:53 I'm struggling and the faults I have that are so strong.
19:57 God is showing me Brooke just go look in the mirror
20:00 and I praise God because through that experience with
20:02 both of us we learned so much and because of that our
20:05 relationship has grown and become a lot better.
20:07 - praise the Lord.
20:11 I have often wondered why God loves me so much.
20:13 All I ever do is sin, make mistakes, and break promises.
20:17 My life is a round of failures, why would He leave Heaven
20:21 where the angels adore Him and endlessly sing His
20:24 praises and come and sacrifice all of that to have
20:27 a deeper relationship with us? With people who hate Him?
20:31 To me His reasons for loving us is completely unreasonable.
20:34 But the promise of His love is all we have to hold on to.
20:37 I don't have to understand why God loves me, it is enough
20:41 for me just to know that He does.
20:54 (Music opening for I Cannot Tell)
21:05 (Music Playing)
21:41 I cannot tell why He whom angels worship,
21:48 Could set His love upon the sons of men,
21:55 Or why, as Shepherd, He should seek the wanderers,
22:02 To bring them back, they know not how or when.
22:11 But this I know, that He was born of Mary
22:18 When Bethlehem's manger was His only home,
22:26 And that He lived at Nazareth and labored,
22:33 And so the Savior, Savior of the world has come.
22:43 I cannot tell how silently He suffered,
22:52 As with His peace He faced this place of tears,
22:59 Or how His heart upon the cross was broken,
23:06 The crown of pain to three and thirty years.
23:16 But this I know, He heals the brokenhearted,
23:24 And stays our sin, and calms our lurking fear,
23:31 And lifts the burden from the heavy laden,
23:38 For still the Savior, Savior of the world is here.
23:49 I cannot tell how all the lands shall worship,
23:57 When, at His bidding, every storm is stilled,
24:04 Or who can say how great the jubilation
24:13 When all our hearts with love for Him are filled.
24:20 But this I know, the skies shall shout His praises,
24:27 Ten thousand, thousand human voices sing,
24:36 And earth to Heaven, and Heaven to earth, will answer:
24:45 At last the Savior, Savior of the world is King!
25:03 That song I Cannot Tell is really about the plan of
25:06 salvation and when you look at it in detail it is really
25:10 about the principle of substitution.
25:12 Christ gives us His good life in replacement for our
25:16 evil lives, and when it comes to relationships that is
25:21 really the core of everything.
25:23 It is our evil thoughts, replace them with good thoughts.
25:27 The way we look at others, instead of seeing evil in
25:30 others, we praise something in that person's character.
25:34 I actually have a particular experience with that subject.
25:37 I used to really struggle with gossip.
25:41 I had a particular friend and whenever I was with her,
25:44 at first when we were together we would just talk a little
25:48 bit about people and the faults that people had here and
25:51 there, but eventually came to the point when wherever
25:53 we work together that is always were talking about.
25:56 We were talking about people and the bad things about
25:58 them, just, dwelling so much on the negative.
26:01 It was really kind of confusing for me because these were
26:05 people that we've been hanging out with on a fairly
26:08 regular basis, you know.
26:09 We would be great friends with them and then we would turn
26:11 around and start talking bad about them,
26:13 and putting them down you know.
26:14 I eventually started to get really convicted that what
26:17 we were doing was wrong and it was then that
26:20 I was praying, God how am I to change this?
26:24 I'm so used to just talking bad about people with this
26:28 particular person and gossiping.
26:30 I ended up, God had impressed me to follow what it says in
26:34 Help In Daily Living where it says to cultivate the habit
26:38 a speaking well of others.
26:39 Basically when you are tempted to speak badly of others,
26:43 choose to dwell on the good things about them and talk
26:46 about the good things.
26:47 So it is that whole thing of substitution right?
26:49 I had to say Lord take away this bad habit I have and
26:52 replace it with a good one.
26:54 It was hard at first to try and implement that into my life,
26:58 but once I really started getting on a roll, I really
27:02 opened my heart and let God work in me and in my life.
27:05 I was able to start thinking about people better and
27:09 started to be able to talk about people better and act
27:12 better towards people and stuff and God really changed
27:15 my life in that area.
27:16 Cyrus, I want you to close with a word of prayer for us.
27:23 Heavenly Father, Lord I thank you for this beautiful day
27:26 You have given us out in nature to come and fellowship
27:30 together and Lord I ask that you will help us apply these
27:33 aspects in our life. Lord to have good relationships
27:38 and to always speak well of others. In Jesus name I pray.
27:41 Amen! - Amen!
27:47 Help in Daily Living is a 13 part series from Fountain
27:50 View productions, designed to share the solid principles
27:53 of practical everyday Christianity.
27:56 It is a simple way to share the good news about the power
27:59 of the gospel with your friends, family, and coworkers.
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