Participants: Seth Yelorda (Host), Alfonzo Greene, Lola Moore, Michael Kelley, Michael Polite
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000007
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00:40 Welcome to Pure Choices.
00:41 I'm so glad you decided to join us again today, 00:44 as we go in and discuss some hot topics 00:46 concerning how we, as you, the young adults 00:49 can remain pure in our choices. 00:51 I have my friends here with me again today, 00:54 Pastor Alfonzo Greene, 00:55 who is here from the Huntsville First SDA Church, 00:58 glad that you're here with me, brother. 00:59 I got my brother, Pastor Michael Polite, 01:02 who is the associate pastor at the Riverside Chapel, 01:04 SDA Church in Nashville, Tennessee. 01:07 We have Pastor Lola Moore, 01:09 who is with us again from the Huntsville, 01:12 Oakwood University Church in Huntsville, Alabama. 01:15 And then my brother Pastor Michael Kelley, 01:18 all the way from California, Riverside area, 01:21 Mt. Rubidoux SDA Church. 01:24 Today, lady and gents, 01:27 we're dealing with social media, 01:29 we're dealing with sexting, we're dealing with flirting, 01:32 we're dealing with just that whole kit and caboodle, 01:36 that the world has kind of, that we've seen come more 01:38 on the world scene. 01:40 You know, over the last, I would say, maybe ten years. 01:43 You know, social media has really taken over, 01:45 maybe even longer than ten years. 01:47 You know, social media has really taken over 01:49 and with that we have seen a rise 01:51 in the level of expression, 01:55 illicit expression 01:56 that we see from, unfortunately a lot of youth, 01:59 young adults and adults just the same 02:01 and we want to tackle that issue today. 02:03 In your opinion where does this whole issue 02:06 of sexting or using the social media networks 02:10 to really advertise your body 02:14 or really to kind of promote yourself? 02:15 Where does all that come from? 02:17 Well, let me just say before even we get there, that. 02:18 You know social media in itself, 02:20 I just want to make clear that it is, 02:22 there's nothing wrong with social media 02:24 in and of itself. 02:25 There's nothing wrong with Facebook, 02:27 Twitter and the other things. 02:28 It's just a platform, 02:30 and it's just what you do with that platform, 02:32 and so I think it's important for our... 02:34 I mean, you know, some people may just kind of go 02:35 to the opposite extreme 02:37 and just kind of view it as a bad thing, 02:38 but it's what do you do with it. 02:40 And there's just, you know, 02:41 people just kind of want to get their stuff out there. 02:43 Just want to kind of draw some attention. 02:45 I know, you know, 02:46 somebody else had 02:48 something else that you want to win but... 02:49 Well, you know, the idea with social media 02:51 which ties into, like I said, you know, 02:54 the world know something, 02:56 a lot of things about ourselves that, 02:57 sometimes we don't know, but God has made it very clear. 03:00 We're beings are loved to be connected to people. 03:02 We love to stay connected. We love relationship. 03:05 We love fellowship. 03:06 And the social media gives us a way to do that. 03:09 I don't have to be in the same state as you 03:11 to be connected to you. 03:12 I don't have to be in the same country as you 03:14 to even stay in contact with you. 03:16 Now let's take a little step further. 03:19 I don't even have to be in the same room as you 03:22 to experience you in a sexual way. 03:25 And so it just opens that, 03:26 so it becomes almost more convenient 03:30 to give of myself 03:31 but then at the same time, 03:33 I don't think I'm really giving of myself, 03:34 because there's no physical contact there, 03:36 I'm not touching. 03:37 I'm just, you know, giving that part of me. 03:40 It's almost like, that the whole sexting 03:43 is a play off of pornography, 03:46 and you know... Absolutely so. 03:47 What do you think? 03:48 Well, because individuals who are seeking attention 03:52 are trying to draw the eye of individuals 03:55 who they don't know. 03:56 So how do I do that best? 03:57 Do I just do that with a face, a picture of my face? 03:59 Now some people have a beautiful face 04:01 where they can do that, 04:02 but more often than that 04:04 people are taking their clothes off 04:05 or doing things. They got a full body shot. 04:06 Full body shot in order to draw attention. 04:09 Now people are looking at me, 04:11 which for some who are not getting proper attention 04:15 will translate into love 04:16 or the feelings that are associated with the love. 04:19 And what social media doing is, 04:22 it's giving us more access to each other 04:26 during those lewd times. 04:29 Whether it would be 04:30 my boy in college had a longtime girlfriend 04:34 talking about, he's going to get married and everything, 04:36 went up to Canada for a spring break, 04:39 got up with some chicks there, 04:42 but kept it on the deal to where, you know, 04:44 he didn't think his chick would see it later 04:46 and then boom. 04:47 She gets on Facebook one day, relationship over. 04:51 So it's giving people that window 04:53 to look at your house and say, "what's going on?" 04:56 And a lot of people are loving the fact 04:59 that they have thousands of people 05:01 looking and watching them. 05:02 Facebook has destroyed quite a few relationships. 05:05 Absolutely. Absolutely so. 05:07 It's kind of, when you talked about the lewd times though. 05:08 I mean, you know, Congressman Weiner... 05:10 I mean, I'm sure like 05:11 when he was caught at doing his thing... 05:13 Even his name. Right, yes. 05:17 They want. Bumping up notes, you know. 05:20 I mean, but I don't think... 05:22 I mean, I don't think those things 05:23 will probably happening like, 05:24 I mean, it was probably when the mood times, 05:27 you know, he was just kind of losing himself 05:30 late in the midnight hours. 05:31 You got to be mindful 05:33 that Biblical principle was done in the dark. 05:34 Will come to light. Will come to light. 05:37 You hold your sins, we'll find you out. 05:40 To me is... I don't even think that, that text. 05:43 If we had to rewrite it today, 05:44 it wouldn't be your sins, will find you out. 05:46 I mean, we put our sins out there. 05:48 I mean, we just lay it out there, 05:49 just for everybody to see, because we like to do it. 05:52 I mean, a divorce lawyer said 05:54 the best thing that's ever happened to them 05:56 has been Facebook, 05:57 because people put their stuff out there. 06:00 And I think there's something we say, 06:02 we say there's a window into our lives 06:04 because we like to know that somebody is interested in me. 06:09 And so the more interesting things 06:11 I put out there, 06:12 the more attention I'm going to get. 06:14 I can blog about, I can talk about. 06:16 I think there are people who've got movie deals, 06:19 who've got record deals 06:20 because there's something crazy that they put on YouTube. 06:23 Like a sex video, something like that? 06:24 You come out with this, you come out with a sex tape 06:26 and you know, it seems like that's the way to make it, 06:28 that's how we would. 06:30 That's it. Yeah. 06:31 I mean, from that too 06:32 a boy right here in the backyard 06:35 of Oakwood University, who got on a TV show. 06:38 News reports say, "How is your kids? 06:40 How is your wife?" 06:42 You know, that whole thing blew up. 06:44 And now my girl can walk to an airport 06:46 and just get slammed by people who said, 06:49 "I saw you 06:50 because of his thing going viral 06:52 and everybody is watching." 06:53 And I mean, and really I don't think 06:55 that we desire fame. 06:58 I think we desire the root of fame 07:02 which is to be known. 07:03 We all want to be known as we are known. 07:06 So we're all desiring for people to know us. 07:09 I want people to know my name when they see me. 07:12 And I mean, all of us, we are public figures. 07:14 And so sometimes, there is the little rush 07:16 that happens when somebody says, 07:18 "Hey, I saw you on Pure Choices 07:19 or hey, I saw you at your church 07:21 or I saw you on this video or that video." 07:23 And I'm thinking that people who are not public speakers, 07:27 who are not public figures 07:29 are willing to do whatever in order to be known, 07:32 if it means making a sex tape, 07:34 if it means sending a lewd picture of myself. 07:36 I just want people to know who I am 07:38 and the enemy plays into that. 07:40 So we'll find, what is the ridiculous, 07:42 most outlandish way to put you on display, 07:46 so that you can be known. 07:47 And then he puts these ideas in our minds. 07:49 That's a problem. 07:50 I mean, that's... It's a huge problem. 07:51 That's a problem when you think, 07:53 "Let me, let me compromise 07:54 or let me do, you know, lower my standard. 07:57 And in their mind, it might not be a compromise. 07:59 I don't know, in their mind, 08:00 it might not be a lowering of the standard, 08:02 but just like let me do whatever I can do, 08:03 so that I can get where I want to go. 08:05 And remember, we said in a previous program 08:07 that the enemy through media has taught us 08:10 that it's really not that deep. 08:12 It's just my body, you know, everybody has a body, 08:15 it's really not that deep. 08:16 And so with that lie in our minds 08:19 then exposing myself to someone is really not that deep. 08:22 We've been primed through the media 08:24 and now you see the out birth of that 08:26 with the way people are taking pictures of themselves 08:28 and the things that people will share 08:30 about themselves over Facebook and social media 08:33 which would have been absolute taboo, 08:35 ten years prior. 08:37 I think that's like one group of people though. 08:38 There is one group of people that they're seeking attention, 08:41 they're seeking to be seen. 08:43 But then you do have some young teens 08:45 that they send that picture to their boyfriend 08:48 and they just don't think that, that's gonna get out 08:52 or they just send that picture to their girlfriend, 08:54 I don't think it's really their intent 08:55 or they send that message. 08:57 It's not their intent for it to go out. 08:59 They just don't think that far. 09:01 But, you know, then I don't jump in today. 09:02 Now I'm gonna say this to you all at home. 09:05 If you send a picture to somebody, 09:07 they are showing to somebody else. 09:09 I mean it's just hands down, 09:11 I don't care how you slice it, whatever. 09:13 I'm not to say, "Oh, please, just me." 09:15 And they'll text back, I don't know how it goes. 09:17 Well, you know, I'm just gonna keep it for myself. 09:19 No, dog, they are showing somebody 09:22 because there's something to be said, 09:24 that yo, I got her picture 09:26 and they keep folders and albums. 09:29 So you got to know. 09:30 And these are the things 09:31 that will prior to go side to it. 09:33 If you're going to point yourself out there 09:34 in that way, 09:36 you got me saying, yo, 09:37 what am I going to be like 09:38 if this thing just goes all throughout? 09:40 And I just, you know, 09:42 real quick I want to share of the story. 09:44 It's very bad that I had to deal with, 09:47 as a pastor. 09:48 Young lady gave oral sex, 09:50 she's in high school, to a young man, 09:52 he recorded it on his phone, showed some of his boys, 09:56 and police got involved 09:57 because you have to be very careful with that. 09:59 There are sexting laws in different states, 10:02 that if you send something like that out, 10:04 it could be considered pornography, 10:06 involving a minor 10:07 and it really gets tricky, 10:09 all those different kinds of things 10:10 because they were teenagers. 10:12 But the thing that really made me think. 10:14 You know, I have two little girls, 10:15 is the father 10:17 in order to confirm that it was his daughter, 10:19 so they could press charges, had to watch the video. 10:21 Wow. My goodness. 10:23 And so this girl is seriously, "Okay, yeah." 10:25 And she knew she's been recorded, 10:26 that wasn't a thing. 10:27 It was like, yeah, you know, go ahead, do it, that's fine. 10:29 But she didn't know her dad was gonna watch it? 10:31 But she didn't know, but that's the thing. 10:32 They didn't know pop's is gonna end up watching. 10:33 And can we say that the enemy 10:35 will always entice you to do things, 10:36 but will never, never reveal to you 10:39 what the end result would be. 10:40 This young woman, like I said, 10:42 she felt comfortable doing this. 10:43 You know she was open with her so whatever, 10:46 but in her wildest imagination, 10:48 she would never have thought 10:49 that her father would have to watch the video through. 10:53 And that's what the enemy will to do. 10:54 The enemy will entice us to do things 10:56 but never ever impress upon us what the end result is. 11:01 And I really feel like building on social media exploding, 11:05 I think there was a movement right before it hit 11:07 that really allowed it to become so important to us 11:10 and that was reality TV. 11:12 Reality TV hits the track in the late '90's 11:15 and people start seeing 11:17 how powerful it is to watch compelling story 11:20 as it's happening, 11:21 instead of having somebody 11:23 create this compelling story that's frictional. 11:25 Yes, so there's social media hits on the scene 11:27 and now it's like, "Oh, I don't just depend on ABC, 11:31 NBC, CBS to show me real life. 11:34 I can watch it for myself." 11:35 A matter of fact, I can make my own life a reality TV show. 11:40 And you know they had a study, 11:42 you know, the pornography industry, 11:43 a hundred billion, 11:44 I think it's, you know, billions of dollars 11:46 something crazy like that a year. 11:48 And they were able to break down, 11:49 what is it that people are watching the most 11:52 and it's not the once that are "Stage" 11:56 and all those kind of things, it's the reality ones. 11:59 These are the ones that are more real, 12:01 because I can put my, I can you know, 12:02 put myself, you know, in there, 12:04 as opposed to something that's so, 12:05 you know, far outlandish. 12:08 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 12:09 And it's like when you watch the reality TV shows, 12:11 it's almost like there, 12:12 it's a reality show 12:14 but, you know, it's a puppet. 12:16 You know there's a puppet master behind it. 12:17 And we don't know that. And we don't realize that. 12:19 It's a reality show 12:20 that is not so much showing us reality, 12:22 but it's trying to teach us unreality. 12:24 So, when you watch reality, say, 12:26 "Oh, that's how I'm supposed to act 12:27 or that's what a good time looks like 12:29 or there's nothing wrong with being this crazy 12:31 or this wild, whatever." 12:32 And so then we become informed 12:34 based on the reality TV that we're watching. 12:36 Yeah, but I think 12:38 there's something deep with that though. 12:39 If I think something is reality, 12:41 but at the end of the day it's really not. 12:43 Think about what that does 12:44 to my concept of what real really is. 12:48 Because I'm sitting and say, "Okay. 12:50 That's how you kind of handle that situation." 12:52 This situation comes up 12:54 because it just naturally happened with them 12:55 on the TV show having no idea. 12:57 I actually know some people 12:59 who have been on reality TV 13:01 and while they're doing the take, that's reality. 13:04 They say, cut, no, we need you to do it like this again 13:06 and that's not real. 13:08 But when I think it's real, 13:09 that does something, you know, to the mind. 13:11 And they have done studies, 13:12 they have done studies on the reality TV. 13:13 And have shown that they intentionally make sure 13:15 that there's a lot of liquor, a lot of alcohol, 13:17 they make sure that the party keeps on going, 13:20 you know, and so they really want to juice it up. 13:22 They have to make it enticing for people to watch it. 13:25 And we have to understand that they are stakeholders, 13:27 who actually fund reality TV shows. 13:30 I mean, it seems like the more outlandish it is, 13:33 the more crazy it is, we watch more. 13:35 You know there's a reality TV shows, 13:38 several of them about housewives. 13:40 And the ones that we watch 13:42 are not the ones that are just you know, 13:43 presenting up, you know. 13:45 They're going to blow. 13:46 These little ones we want to see the ones 13:47 going to blow, the ones, 13:49 who are just out of their mind going crazy. 13:51 There's something about us that's drawn to the more 13:54 you know, crazy, more extreme 13:57 and it's shaping, as he said, it's shaping our reality. 14:00 Now you have people who in real time 14:03 will do with someone scripted on television 14:06 and we have to be careful with that. 14:07 Very much so, not only do we have to be careful, 14:09 but it's feeding into 14:12 ever since the Garden of Eden, humanity has had a problem. 14:15 I want to be the director of my film. 14:19 I want to direct my film. 14:20 I want to be the master of my ship. 14:22 So reality TV is showing how people can direct it 14:26 and we don't know, they don't know, 14:27 there's a director behind them that says, cut. 14:29 You know this is the direction we want to go. 14:32 And now so I get on my social media medium, 14:36 whether it be Facebook, my cell phone or whatever 14:39 and I'm seeing the opportunity now to direct my own show. 14:42 And I want to hit on also that, 14:43 it's not all about reality. 14:45 People will also uses social media 14:47 to create an alternate reality, a new person, very much so. 14:53 So now it gives me a chance 14:55 to be a Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde type of feel, 14:58 to where during the day this is what you see, 15:00 but when you get on my Facebook page, 15:02 on My Space, or you get on my Twitter, 15:04 where you see some of the pictures 15:06 I'm putting out there. 15:07 Now you see Mr. Hot. 15:09 Yeah, I mean, I think it, you know, 15:11 speaking about Mr. Hollywood just said over there. 15:14 I got to praise that. I got to pray that... 15:16 Now you talk about... You're such a do reality star. 15:18 You're like... 15:21 How much Hollywood been here? 15:22 You're right, right. 15:24 My main job there. 15:25 That's my boy. 15:26 But, yeah, I mean, you know, 15:28 but I think, you know, it kind of, you know, 15:29 it kind of does speak to the whole, you know, 15:31 that there's an emptiness inside. 15:32 And I think really, you know, 15:33 just even trying to seek attention, 15:35 even the whole reality moving all the stuff. 15:37 It's a desire, is an attempt to fill the void. 15:41 Just trying to, trying to feel something inside. 15:43 And you think I may be getting attention 15:45 or you know, for the reality, of the stuff that they do, 15:47 you're trying to fill that void. 15:49 You know you're still my boy. 15:51 Of course, man. 15:52 I've done all reality shows. 15:53 I got real life, that's the reality. 15:55 But who knows reality star? There you go. 15:57 But, no, but, you know, I think the thing that we talked about 16:00 I think Seth, you really mentioned it. 16:03 You know, to send something of yourself, 16:06 whether it's naked, to place yourself out there, 16:09 speaks to the fact that you just don't, 16:11 you haven't found who you are in Christ yet. 16:13 Because when you understand that you're a valuable person, 16:16 I'm just not gonna let anybody, you know, get that picture. 16:20 And the thing that hurts me a lot of times 16:21 with some of the young people is, 16:23 it's not even a matter of having to wait before they get. 16:26 They would have to work. 16:27 They'll talk a little bit on the phone. 16:29 And like you said, you will send me a body shot? 16:30 Okay, cool. 16:32 And I'm going to a mirror and do it. 16:33 And it just seem, you got to feel it to, 16:34 to who you are in Christ 16:36 and know that I'm more valuable 16:38 than you being able to see this. 16:40 This is His temple. 16:42 It belongs to Him 16:44 and the only person He wants me to share it with in any way 16:47 is the person I'm eventually gonna be connected with. 16:49 You know, they say no more free milk, you know. 16:51 Yeah. Yeah, you're right. 16:52 You know, no free milk here. Yeah. 16:54 Don't give yourself, 16:55 don't sell yourself shorter 16:56 than what you're worth, you know. 16:58 Yeah, and that, my question would be, 17:00 if I could survey a hundred people, you know, 17:03 how many people have marry someone 17:06 whose relationship started with them through sexting? 17:09 You know, like did you marry a woman 17:11 who originally sent you her photo over phone? 17:14 You know what I mean? I would want to know? 17:16 And I'm realizing, you know, 17:18 as I would speak to my friends and you all are married, 17:20 and I am, and I am, I would be willing to bet, 17:23 if I were a better, 17:24 that none of you would be comfortable 17:27 if your wife had naked photos 17:29 that she has sent with someone else 17:31 and you knew about it. 17:32 You know, what I mean? 17:33 And so, so knowing that, it's like, we realize, 17:36 okay this person has seen me naked 17:39 or whatever like that through sexting, 17:41 but they recognize that this person 17:42 and all of their friends will ex me off of their list 17:46 for a person who is desirable to be married. 17:48 You know, imagine if your boy, 17:49 you know, walked up to you and say 17:51 here, you know, here's a picture 17:52 and you realize that it was your wife, 17:53 like are you kidding? 17:55 You know, that's ground floor... 17:58 Of course, some serious percussions really, 17:59 you know, what I mean? 18:01 I got copies in the phone. 18:02 And you want to know, is that, when it gets out there... 18:06 It stays out there. It's out there. 18:08 My uncle when, right before I got married, 18:12 just two days before my wedding, 18:13 he was my best, my best man 18:15 and we were walking around in the mall. 18:17 And so, he says, listen, my gift to you 18:20 is going to seem like a little bit, maybe kinky, 18:24 but here you go. 18:26 And he hands me this disposable Campbell camera. 18:29 So I'm like uncle, 18:30 what in the world is this for, right? 18:33 And he says, I want you always to keep this camera, 18:36 but never take pictures on it, 18:38 because you're never to take pictures of your wife 18:42 of intimate times that you guys have together. 18:45 And this camera is here to remind you of that. 18:48 That intimacy that you share is between you two. 18:52 It's such an awesome gift 18:53 that only you two should have access to. 18:56 Don't ever let a picture of her get on this camera 18:59 and I still have the camera today. 19:00 Yeah, I mean, that's why the Bible says 19:01 the marriage bed, you know, is holy. 19:04 You know, it should be undefiled. 19:05 And even the stuff you're doing before 19:06 and this is why it's important. 19:08 Like you said, you know, 19:09 when you're in a situation years down the road 19:12 and someone brings a picture or it's still out there. 19:15 I mean, you just really just don't want that stuff out there 19:18 because it does affect your relationship in the future. 19:20 Let me ask you this question. 19:22 What is it... 19:23 what is the whole realm of flirting? 19:26 You know, we talk a little bit about that earlier, 19:27 but let's deal with that just a little bit. 19:29 When you have people who are, you know, 19:30 because sexting is a form of flirting, 19:32 you know, when you're flirting, right? 19:34 At the core, what is this whole movement or thing 19:36 when it comes to flirting? 19:38 And, you know, it's just lie, it's just playful 19:40 but is this kind of like a little tease here and there, 19:42 whether it's verbal, whether it's through the sexting, 19:44 whether it's through text messages. 19:46 What's underneath all of that? 19:47 You know, I'm glad you said that 19:49 because we've been talking a lot 19:50 about pictures and videos and stuff 19:52 but there are things that we say, 19:53 that are very inappropriate in that kind of flirting. 19:56 And I think a lot of it, what it is, 19:58 especially in the texting, 20:00 is it gives me an idea of how far I can go with. 20:04 It's an invitation. Yes. 20:05 Because if I say something to you in the text 20:08 and you don't respond like, yo, that's inappropriate, 20:11 but maybe you send back lol... 20:13 Or a smiley face. Or a smiley face. 20:15 Okay, I felt like timing that. 20:16 That's what it's all about. 20:18 I'd know she is down. She is down. 20:19 What is going down? 20:21 I know, she's insane. 20:23 She is quite very young lady, you know, I have to be... 20:26 you know, we need to be open with them 20:28 and say, you know, this stuff is never innocent. 20:30 If someone is saying these things to you 20:32 or they're making, you know, innuendo and things like that, 20:35 they are trying you out. 20:36 They want to see what you're all about. 20:39 And I know as a young woman who is in a field 20:42 where there's lots and lots of men, 20:44 you know, you know, the minority, 20:47 people will say things to you and the... what shall I say? 20:51 The challenge is, not wanting to seem like, 20:54 like I'm mean, 20:56 not wanting to seem like I'm a prude or, you know, 20:58 I want to be cool, I want to be in. 21:00 So, you know, how... what should my response be? 21:03 You know so, I'm still learning and still feeling not, 21:08 but I realize that people are testing you out 21:10 to see what they can get away with. 21:12 So it's never, it's never something 21:14 that people are doing because they're trying to be friendly. 21:16 It's not, and you know, it's not, it's not innocuous. 21:19 They are always trying to test you out. 21:21 Bottom line, the youth of our church 21:24 and that's including myself, 21:27 we really get uncomfortable 21:29 with that whole be peculiar thing. 21:31 You are peculiar... Set apart... 21:33 We're set aside. 21:35 We're supposed to be different, 21:36 that thing is never really settled for us comfortably. 21:39 In a world that try to cause us into conformity. 21:42 Very much so. 21:43 We'll try to convince you, Seth, 21:44 that by rocking that you're different. 21:46 But then when you go out there, 21:48 you see hundred other people rocking in, 21:50 you're not so much different anymore. 21:52 And I think we're also worried about, you know, 21:54 what all of us are saying that when someone is inappropriate, 21:57 they either being peculiar, see... 21:59 I don't want to seem like the person is being rude 22:02 or oh, you can't take the joke. 22:03 But I've got to emphasize this, you have to almost... 22:07 it's better to be looked upon as rude. 22:11 And I will rather the reputation of somebody, 22:13 young ladies for example, 'cause it's usually that away. 22:15 But nowadays 22:17 the ladies will call in this or call in the other way, 22:19 that when someone is inappropriate, 22:21 make it so uncomfortable for them 22:24 that the rumor goes out, yo... 22:25 Don't mess with her. 22:26 Don't even go that way with her 22:28 because she's going clown or he's going clown. 22:30 But when you kind of... 22:31 even though you're uncomfortable, 22:33 when you laugh and smile, oh, stop being so silly. 22:35 No, at least your face needs to change in the mirror. 22:38 Yo, if you're flirting with me... 22:39 This is appropriate. This is appropriate. 22:41 I heard a pastor once say to his church. 22:43 If you flirt with me I will call you out from the pulpit, 22:46 you know, do not flirt with me. 22:47 Wow. 22:49 He put it out like, if you try to get close to me, 22:50 you know, he had a large congregation. 22:52 He said, if you're trying to get close to me, 22:53 I'm gonna put you on blast from the pulpit. 22:55 Wow. So don't even go there with me. 22:56 Right. 22:57 I mean, is there a distinction that we need to make? 23:00 I'm thinking of there, sometimes a person might flirt 23:04 but it's not inappropriate. 23:05 You know, what I mean? 23:06 Like a person might be fond of you and in a... 23:08 like is there a, is there a distinction 23:10 that we need to make between 23:11 what is appropriate, inappropriate? 23:13 You know if a person is not saying anything lewd to me, 23:16 but you know, they're smiling at me 23:18 or I can see them across the room waving. 23:19 You know what I mean? 23:21 Like what's the line that we draw 23:23 where it's appropriate, inappropriate? 23:24 I think a pattern. 23:26 I think, you know, you know, and I think, you know, 23:28 because sometimes, you know, someone will be friendly 23:30 and he'd be like and you know, 23:31 you can kind of tell when a pattern is 23:33 kind of setting in. 23:34 And then you can kind of get an idea, 23:36 okay, this is where this person is kind of heading to. 23:39 Because they gonna be kind of 23:40 starting to move a certain direction. 23:42 I think it's, it's... you have to be careful 23:43 to not make snap judgments on things. 23:45 You know, sometimes you might, 23:47 okay, I really wonder where he or she was going with that? 23:50 Just kind of, in the course of a relationship 23:52 look and see over time, 23:54 what is the consistent pattern of this person's behavior? 23:57 Very much. 23:58 And I think you also have to look at... 24:00 I agree definitely with the personality types. 24:02 I mean, the same ones more of a touchy feely type person. 24:05 And the same with my DJ or something like, 24:07 hey, you know, maybe something, you know like that 24:10 is a little different that you know someone. 24:11 You know, what? They're reaching out. 24:13 But I think you also have to discover 24:15 where your personal space is. 24:16 Yeah. What you feel comfort with. 24:17 Right. Exactly. 24:19 And if someone's invading that, 24:20 I think there are very specific things 24:22 that someone should not say. 24:23 There's a difference between saying, you look nice today. 24:24 Oh, you look real nice today sis, like that or... 24:27 You're looking good today. Oh, you just look pale, yo. 24:29 You know, what I'm saying? 24:30 That change tones of voice. 24:32 I think if you dictate that body language is another thing. 24:35 It's... I don't think it's just one, 24:36 it's a holistic thing. 24:38 And also let's, let's not leave out the Holy Spirit. 24:42 The Holy Spirit let you know... That's true. 24:44 When I think when that person is... you know, what? 24:48 And they tell you that. 24:49 And you... And I think that's why it's so important 24:51 for us to be in tune with the Holy Spirit, 24:53 so we don't chalk it up to something else 24:55 and say, no, no, God is trying to tell me something. 24:56 And I'm going to add to your list the time of day. 25:01 I've been dealing with a lot of young ladies at my church, 25:05 who have been able to see a correlation 25:08 between the text messages they receive. 25:10 Yeah. That's good. 25:12 Between hours of 10 and 7 25:14 and how that thing kind of changes at about 8 pm 25:17 and the text messages that roll through, 25:19 they're like, you know, pastor, I always find myself 25:22 by 10:30 in this conversation via text 25:25 that's just inappropriate. 25:26 And I said, man, you have to be able to set up your boundaries. 25:29 It could be anything. 25:31 But bottom line is once God, 25:33 the Holy Spirit identifies it for you, 25:35 you got to obey, you put up that wall. 25:37 I want to say this, you know, and that's very good. 25:39 I'm glad that you brought that out. 25:40 You know, I think women, men, young adult, youth, 25:43 we also need to realize our value in Christ 25:46 and you kind of hit on it, 25:47 recognizing that I am a child of God, 25:49 I'm a child of the King. 25:51 And this is not just another female. 25:52 This is my sister in Christ. 25:54 And I need to treat her as such. 25:56 My Father has tried to instill, 25:57 He tried to instill that into me, 25:59 when I was coming up. 26:01 Let me give you example. 26:02 You know, I was coming up and sagging my pants, 26:04 it was like the thing that I did. 26:05 I walk out the house 26:06 and my pants would be like halfway down my butt. 26:08 And my dad, what he did, 26:10 was he made it a point to do a sad check, you know. 26:15 So whenever I left the house, 26:16 he will maybe come to the living room, 26:18 pull up my shirt to see where my pant level was. 26:20 And if it was too low, he's like, listen, 26:22 you're not leaving the house like that. 26:23 Now granted I'll do this, 26:24 I'll pull them up before I left the house 26:26 and then pulled them down when I left the house. 26:28 The Holy Spirit finally dealt with me. 26:30 But point being is my dad was trying to instill in me 26:32 that listen, you're Yelorda, 26:34 you just don't leave this house in any of your ways. 26:37 Wow. You're different. 26:38 Don't look like everybody else. 26:40 This is not how we treat... 26:42 this is not how we, how we deal with one another. 26:44 And I think that as young people we have to understand 26:47 and the audiences should understand 26:48 that I'm a child of the King. 26:50 I can't just be having these conversations, 26:52 where these little conversations 26:53 around the people. 26:54 I just can't be talking to individuals 26:56 this way or that way. 26:57 I can't send these naked pictures of myself. 26:59 You know, I'm valuable 27:01 and I want to carry myself and conduct my self 27:04 in such a way where God will be proud. 27:06 I mean, just imagine, you know just imagine 27:09 Satan coming to God saying, 27:11 yo, these are your children acting a fool down here. 27:14 These are your children sending naked pictures of themselves 27:16 to one another. 27:18 Yo, God says, yo, you're my child, 27:19 you got to be better than that. 27:21 I was gonna say just real quick 27:22 and I know we got to wrap it up, 27:23 that, you know, one thing about texting 27:25 and sending messages though is 27:26 you just think well, I'm just sending words. 27:28 But remember that Jesus said, that lust begins in the heart. 27:31 And so, you know, just the modus and the things. 27:33 You know, if we're trying to seek purity 27:35 and not just being technical in what we do. 27:38 We've got to be careful even in the language, 27:40 in the words that we send, 27:42 because it's not living up to what Jesus calls us to do. 27:44 Listen, now this was a good conversation 27:46 and I'm glad we hope we had it. 27:47 I hope that for our viewers out there 27:49 it was edifying, it was educational, 27:52 that you learn something from this. 27:54 You are a child of the King, you are precious in God sight 27:56 and we want you to value yourself as such 27:58 and value other people as such. 28:00 Don't forget to follow us on Facebook, 28:02 go to Facebook and type "Pure Choices". 28:03 We love to hear from you, to dialogue with you, 28:06 give any questions or comments. 28:07 We look forward to seeing you next week. 28:08 Be blessed, have a wonderful week, 28:10 same time, same place, next place, next week 28:12 we will see you soon. 28:13 Bye-bye. |
Revised 2017-08-28