Pure Choices

The Break Up

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Pr. Joshua Nelson (Host), Jeanne Mogusu, Kean Baxter, Kimberly Pearson, Kory P. Douglas

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Series Code: PC

Program Code: PC000024


00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:05 may be too candid for younger children.
00:39 Hello, and welcome to Pure Choices.
00:40 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson,
00:42 and we have a good one for you.
00:44 Today, we are talking about the break up,
00:46 talking about emotions in relationships,
00:48 talking about cheating.
00:49 And we're gonna jump right into the discussion,
00:50 before that just want to introduce
00:52 our panel once again.
00:53 I'll start by saying that
00:55 I'm a pastor in South Carolina.
00:56 I pastor the Mount Olive and New Life
00:59 Seventh-day Adventist Church in South Carolina.
01:02 To my left I have Jeanne Mogusu
01:04 who is from the seminary,
01:06 the Andrews University Seventh-day Adventist
01:08 Theological Seminary.
01:10 And she is the BSA's
01:12 or Black Student Association president there,
01:14 happy to have her here today.
01:16 We also have Kean Baxter who is also from the seminary,
01:18 but he is a graduate and did graduate
01:20 from Andrews University Theological Seminary.
01:23 And we also have Kim Pearson who is the associate chaplain
01:27 at Oakwood University, happy to have her here.
01:29 And also my brother, my friend, Pastor Kory Douglas
01:33 who is the pastor of the Grand Avenue
01:36 and New Life Fellowship in Southeast Missouri,
01:40 those Seventh-day Adventist churches over there.
01:42 So we have a good panel today.
01:44 And we want to talk about this issue of break up.
01:47 But first, let's talk about cheating.
01:49 Okay, let's talk about cheating.
01:52 What is really considered cheating?
01:56 Well...
01:59 You know, I'm one that believes that,
02:00 you know, when I fill out my tax forms
02:02 and fill out other government, you know, papers it says,
02:06 single and it says married.
02:09 So until I check married,
02:10 I'm gonna have to argue that I'm single.
02:12 And so I just want to put that out there from now
02:15 and so, you know, cheating, of course, in my context
02:18 would be anything that happens outside the confines
02:21 of a committed long term relationship,
02:25 example, marriage.
02:26 Oh, you are talking about marriage?
02:28 I think that'd be okay,
02:29 so because see now some people believe,
02:31 and that's kind of I see where you're going with that,
02:32 that you can be cheating
02:34 if you're in a dating relationship,
02:36 if you are, we talked about, may be talking,
02:38 if you are courting or you're engaged.
02:41 So is that still considered cheating,
02:45 that happens in those?
02:46 Oh, yeah. I would say it does.
02:48 I mean, if you're...
02:50 If you have committed yourself,
02:52 you are letting someone know that you are committed
02:56 to this relationship, to giving everything
02:58 that you have into this relationship,
03:00 to see where it goes or it leads,
03:04 and you're not doing your due diligence
03:07 in giving them your full attention.
03:10 I would say that is cheating
03:12 because you're misrepresenting,
03:13 cheating is misrepresenting yourself in any way.
03:16 So if I'm letting you know that I'm going to,
03:21 whatever, whether you're dating or you're talking
03:23 or whatever it is that you're doing,
03:25 if I have given you my word that,
03:28 that I'm going to give you my exclusive attention
03:32 and my actions do not convey that,
03:35 then I'm cheating.
03:36 Okay, now I'm gonna be real on the other side here
03:39 and just challenge that because,
03:40 okay, if I'm saying to you,
03:42 I'm dating, of course, we have to define
03:44 what that means within ourselves,
03:45 but I mean, does that really mean that I can't,
03:47 that I'm now stuck with you, I may lie to you that,
03:51 I mean, you are not married so what is the difference then?
03:54 Well, I think cheating, as she defined it,
03:56 is misrepresenting yourself.
03:58 So we talked about
04:00 defining the terms of a relationship,
04:02 but then also defining what that looks like,
04:06 what the boundaries are in that relationship.
04:08 So if we decide that our boundaries are,
04:12 we are going to, you know, just see each other
04:16 and then I go and I start to see other people,
04:19 take them on dates, go out with them,
04:21 then I have now dishonored the commitment
04:24 I made to you.
04:26 So that's what I think cheating in essence is,
04:28 is dishonoring a commitment you've made to someone else.
04:31 It doesn't have to necessarily be a marriage commitment,
04:35 but it's a commitment you've made.
04:37 So if there are no terms or any agreements
04:40 then it can't be called cheating then technically.
04:45 If that's what you want to call it technically,
04:48 which is why you need to puts
04:49 terms and agreements on things.
04:51 You need to have clear dialogue.
04:52 And I agree with you both
04:53 that you need to put the terms,
04:55 you need to put it out there.
04:56 That's a lot of the things with relationship,
04:58 we don't have really much communication.
04:59 But in the pure essence of it all,
05:01 can you really say that you are cheating
05:05 if you are not married?
05:07 Definitely.
05:08 I mean, of course, of course, of course,
05:11 you can say that because like we said,
05:14 cheating is dishonoring a commitment,
05:16 cheating is misrepresenting yourself.
05:18 It's like saying,
05:20 if I steal a quarter or I steal million dollars,
05:24 it's still stealing. Stealing is stealing.
05:26 So cheating is cheating is cheating.
05:29 Whatever, you know,
05:31 whatever relationship you're in,
05:33 whether it's a man or woman relationship
05:36 or my mother and I.
05:39 If I tell my mother I'm gonna do something
05:41 and I don't do it I'm--
05:42 Dishonoring.
05:44 I'm dishonoring what I just told her.
05:45 Okay.
05:46 So the way you guys are defining it,
05:48 it sounds like cheating doesn't necessarily have to mean,
05:52 you know, go with this another person
05:54 or engage in a relationship with somebody,
05:56 with somebody else.
05:57 I mean, when I think about it 'cause I'm listening
05:58 to what you guys are saying, you know,
06:00 you cheat on a test doesn't mean you
06:01 replace the test with another test.
06:03 You know, it just means
06:04 that you're doing something that's not fair,
06:06 you're misrepresenting yourself.
06:08 So, you know, maybe even cheating
06:09 might include more than just going out
06:11 and engaging in another relationship
06:14 while you're in another one.
06:15 I mean, what if you lie about who you are,
06:17 is that cheating?
06:18 There you go.
06:19 And that's what it goes back to defining what cheating is.
06:23 Well, I want to throw a monkey wrench in this situation.
06:26 Say, you are in a dating relationship
06:29 and you don't marry that individual
06:35 and you marry somebody else,
06:37 did you cheat on your spouse
06:39 with your previous relationship?
06:42 Mercy.
06:44 God intended for you to with this woman,
06:47 but you are with woman A, B, C or man and you engage,
06:53 you got emotionally invested or even physically invested.
06:58 So you are actually unfaithful to your future spouse.
07:02 I think more so you are unfaithful to God.
07:04 Unto God.
07:05 And not so much to your future spouse,
07:07 because as we define cheating is dishonoring a commitment.
07:11 And so you have not yet made
07:13 a commitment to your future spouse,
07:15 but you have made a commitment to God.
07:18 So then you have dishonored that commitment with God.
07:20 Now there will be ramifications like,
07:24 you know, I talk to some young ladies,
07:26 you know, at Oakwood and I always say,
07:28 "You know, the hardest conversation
07:31 you will have to have is the day you apologize
07:34 to you husband for giving away something
07:35 that was supposed to have been his."
07:37 So you cheated him.
07:39 But it's not that you cheated on him,
07:42 but maybe you cheated him
07:43 out of something that was supposed to have been his.
07:46 But then we're implying also then that God
07:48 intended one person for us.
07:51 And that who he ends into relationships before that,
07:53 that God did not intend those
07:55 and that there's only one relationship
07:57 that you are ever supposed to get into in your whole life,
08:00 is that what we're implying?
08:02 Yeah. I mean--
08:03 I don't have a problem with implying that.
08:05 I don't know how you guys feel, but that's--
08:06 Well, I mean, my own personal,
08:09 my own personal experience,
08:10 I have dated people and at the end have seen
08:14 how that person played a specific role in my life
08:17 at that time, you know, and it didn't end bad,
08:21 I didn't marry them,
08:22 but I could see that God needed me
08:24 to be with this person.
08:26 You know, even my whole being in ministry,
08:27 it was through a relationship that God really showed me
08:30 that this is where I was supposed to be.
08:32 So I don't know if I could say that, you know,
08:34 since I didn't marry that person, you know,
08:36 that the person I marry now,
08:38 I had cheated on them with that person,
08:40 if I believe that that's who God led me
08:42 to before this person.
08:43 Let's pull back into sexual purity,
08:45 you know, and talking about,
08:47 you know, when we often think of cheating,
08:49 we think of cheating in the sexual manner,
08:51 cheating emotionally, whatever you want to say.
08:54 So how does our sexual urges or sexual promiscuity
08:58 or sexual morality play into the cheating
09:02 that may take place may be more than if hadn't?
09:05 Well, I mean, from that point of view then,
09:07 you know, I think that's where we begin to think,
09:09 we can began to say that we've cheated the person
09:12 after because the person that God led me
09:14 to for that period of my life
09:16 wasn't the person that I shouldn't have sex with
09:18 if that's what I had done.
09:20 I'm not saying, that's what I did,
09:21 I'm saying, you know, hypothetically.
09:22 If you date that one person God puts in your life
09:24 and you have sex with that person
09:25 and then you go to the next person,
09:27 then may be you have cheated that person.
09:29 That's why, you know,
09:30 that's why it's so important to stay pure
09:32 until that person whoever God wants you to be married to.
09:35 You understand what I'm saying?
09:36 And I do think that, like he was saying,
09:38 I don't think that God intents for us
09:39 to be in one relationship and then
09:41 you marry that person necessarily,
09:44 but I do believe that as we are created for relationship,
09:47 not all of those relationships
09:49 need to be sexual relationships.
09:50 And what happens is we take every relationship
09:54 and we make them sexual relationships.
09:57 If I think you are cute and you think I'm cute
09:59 and I like you and you like me,
10:01 let's make out.
10:02 And if that's great, let's do a little more.
10:05 And if we are really serious about each other,
10:07 then we solidify that by having sex.
10:11 And so then that sexuality now
10:14 totally changes the dynamic of the relationship
10:17 because in the confines of how God created it,
10:20 now you are behaving like a married person
10:24 in a non-married situation.
10:27 So now what is that do then
10:28 to when you are trying now to let's say,
10:30 move on to another relationship
10:32 because maybe that one relationship
10:33 is not good for you.
10:34 What does that, you know...
10:36 There's a saying that you don't do permanent things
10:39 with temporary people.
10:40 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hallelujah.
10:42 Because it makes it very hard to move on.
10:45 It clouds your reasoning, honestly,
10:48 because that sex is a permanent thing.
10:51 We are designed to have sex with one individual,
10:55 bond for life, and trying to become unglued from that...
11:01 Because it's two becoming one,
11:03 so when you attempt to become two again,
11:07 there is, inevitably there is some tear,
11:11 you know, tear, tearing apart and it's very traumatic.
11:17 Yeah.
11:18 And I would, I would actually go further
11:20 to say that you cannot just, that tearing away
11:25 doesn't just happen
11:26 or the difficulty in tearing away
11:28 doesn't just happen when you have,
11:30 when you've had a physical relationship.
11:32 I think sometimes we get into even intimate relationships,
11:39 not necessarily sexually intimate,
11:41 but emotionally intimate relationships to the point
11:45 where you give so much of yourself into a relationship
11:49 that is not a marriage relationship.
11:52 And so when you inevitably have to tear away,
11:57 it almost becomes like your heart
11:59 is being torn apart,
12:02 even though you were never really physically intimate
12:05 with this person because these are essentially
12:08 a part of yourself
12:10 that you have given to this person
12:12 that may not necessarily have been theirs to have.
12:16 That was a fine line.
12:17 I don't know if that's just part of the risk
12:18 of being in relationship or what?
12:20 I mean, how much should you really divulge,
12:22 you know, to that person or should you really hold back
12:24 and they don't really then may be know who you are,
12:26 I mean... Kim, what would you say about that?
12:28 You know, I think that the first friendship
12:31 that we need to have is friendship with God.
12:34 He is the one we tell everything to,
12:36 He is the one that we invest our emotions
12:39 and our ups and downs,
12:40 and as you get to know somebody, you know,
12:43 you, you know, you start off, you know,
12:45 this is my favorite color, this is what I like to eat,
12:46 those things, but then as you get to know
12:49 the character of that person,
12:51 I think that then dictates, you know,
12:54 how much you are allowing yourself to open up to them.
12:57 But what I think is so interesting about the idea
12:59 of sex is that sex is supposed to be the ultimate
13:02 form of intimacy,
13:04 it's the ultimate form of communication.
13:06 And what I think sometimes we don't realize as women
13:08 is that sex does something very important for us.
13:11 When a woman has an orgasm,
13:14 the hormones that are secreted in our brain
13:16 actually act like addictors and they make us,
13:22 not just physically bonded,
13:23 but chemically bonded to another person.
13:27 And so when you try to pull that away,
13:29 you add on to that chemical bond,
13:30 not emotional bonds and all of these things.
13:33 You know, Kean said, I'm gonna coach you real quick.
13:36 He said, "The worst place
13:38 to have scar tissue is on your heart."
13:40 Because-- Yeah.
13:42 Because then, now you've all got all these places
13:45 that now you're not only going to have to erase the feeling,
13:48 but the mental images of what you did with that person.
13:53 That will keep replaying even after you've moved on.
13:56 And let's go to next part of this then,
13:58 because now we are going to the break up side of things.
14:01 Okay, so now you're in this relationship,
14:04 maybe you slept up,
14:05 maybe you did have sex before, before marriage,
14:07 and you've been chemically bonded with this individual,
14:09 but hey, wait a second, you realize,
14:12 this is not the one that I wanted to be with,
14:13 something happens, you don't want to be with them,
14:15 okay, whether you had sex with them or not.
14:18 Now the all time question, how do you break up?
14:22 On Facebook.
14:24 I'm joking.
14:26 Update your status on Facebook.
14:27 Text message. Text message.
14:29 You know, we have numbers now,
14:30 you go on to internet and you can text
14:32 the person that number, saying,
14:34 "Hey, call this number."
14:35 And you call the number and it will tell them,
14:36 you know, the person gave you this number because they are...
14:39 Come on, come on.
14:40 Don't stop there without that adding.
14:42 I'm just saying, you know,
14:43 this is why four of us are talking about it.
14:45 I mean, I believe, as we were talking,
14:48 it's so important to establish your intensions
14:51 from the beginning in every relationship.
14:54 If you come into a relationship,
14:55 say, you know, we might end up in marriage then
14:58 that behavior will reflect that.
14:59 But if come and say,
15:01 we're just gonna be friends get to each other,
15:02 it'll reflect that.
15:04 But our problem is we just come into the relationship,
15:05 we do things that look like marriage,
15:07 and then when its time to break up
15:09 we don't know what to do
15:10 because we are so bonded with that person.
15:11 Yeah, and I got to say,
15:13 when you say that to someone you have to keep that,
15:14 keep, you know, yourself.
15:16 You say, this is what, you know,
15:17 your actions have to show
15:19 that and I believe the other one must hold
15:20 you accountable to that, you know.
15:23 I don't know, I just have a hard time with that.
15:27 Maybe I'm idealistic,
15:29 but the humanistic approach to relationships,
15:32 I don't think that God intended for us
15:35 to be trial and error with people.
15:39 You know, let's...
15:41 I'm gonna get to know you, if it works fine,
15:43 if not, then I'm sorry, move on.
15:45 The heart is so sensitive, I really think that it takes,
15:52 it's going to require more faith in God,
15:54 letting God hold the pen to write your love story
15:57 and just trusting Him that He knows best.
16:00 If you do make a mistake, be a man, be a woman and say,
16:06 you know, I jumped the gun, I ran ahead of God,
16:10 I'm sorry.
16:12 If you see that is unhealthy, if it's dragging you down,
16:16 if you are seeing things are red flags,
16:19 it's easy to overlook them, but make a clean cut.
16:23 I say, if you're breaking up, make a clean cut
16:25 because there is a tendency to rationalize
16:28 and maybe you come back again...
16:31 Over and over and over. Clean cut.
16:33 Okay, so how do you make that clean cut?
16:35 You know, it's so funny,
16:37 one of the other chaplains at Oakwood,
16:39 Chaplain T. Marshall Kelly,
16:40 he says, a lot of times we get in these relationships
16:43 and the relationship is not quite right,
16:45 the chemistry is off,
16:46 but we are so bonded with this person
16:48 and so we really have is that cornbread
16:51 and we try to put icing on top of it and call it cake.
16:54 We've got to put the sex on top of a messy situation
16:59 and say, its something good, when it's really,
17:01 it's not cake, it's icing with cornbread.
17:04 And you can't fix that, you need to get rid of it
17:07 and start over.
17:09 And so I think too often times,
17:11 we start with a messy foundation
17:13 and that we trying to put good things on top
17:16 and say, "Look, it's all better now."
17:18 And like what Kean said,
17:19 sometimes you just got to cut that thing,
17:21 like I think that sometimes we have misconceptions
17:22 that after you break up we need to be friends
17:24 because we're Christians.
17:26 Sometimes you just need to let it go, walk away.
17:29 Okay, so, okay, let it be a little role play here,
17:33 you know.
17:35 Kory, Jeanne, you're in relationship, man.
17:38 You guys got to break this thing off though.
17:41 Jeanne, I want you, I want you...
17:42 How would you break up with Kory?
17:44 What would you say?
17:45 What would be something, you know, Christian to say?
17:47 What would you say?
17:48 Putting you on the spot here.
17:50 Wow, okay.
17:51 Well, Kory--
17:52 It's me, isn't it?
17:57 It's not me, it's you.
18:01 But no, no, no, it's not you, it's me.
18:03 You know, I need to spend time with God
18:07 and in recognizing that my relationship with God
18:09 has not been what it used to be,
18:11 I have now substituted you for God.
18:14 And that is not where I need to be.
18:17 So I'm trying to get to a place
18:21 where God and I are closer
18:23 and I don't feel like this relationship
18:26 is helping me get to where I need to be with God.
18:30 So I'm sorry, you know, that I, you know--
18:34 Okay.
18:36 First of all, I accept. That's fine.
18:37 Yeah.
18:38 Now she spiritualized it?
18:40 Did it make you feel better?
18:41 You know, I was gonna say too
18:43 because I have been in situations of my immaturity
18:45 where I have spiritualized a break up
18:46 because I knew that the person can't argue with it.
18:48 Just gonna be for real.
18:50 You know, I said, like I said, long time ago,
18:52 spiritual maturity, you know, but I think the key
18:54 to what Jeanne does is that she is honest.
18:57 And I believe that you have to be honest
19:00 and you have to communicate.
19:02 Remember, now we believe that God is the one
19:05 who leads us to people.
19:06 We have the faith that we follow Him
19:08 knowing that the success in that relationship
19:09 depends on Him.
19:11 So when it doesn't work out
19:12 we have to say also it doesn't work out
19:15 because its not what God intents to work out
19:17 and we know, now break it off having the faith to know
19:22 that even though it may hurt today,
19:24 even though we may have to get over it,
19:25 even though this person may not like it,
19:27 we may not like it,
19:28 that because God is gonna say control
19:30 let's just be honest.
19:32 And because He is the God of all comfort,
19:34 He will bring me through,
19:35 through whatever pain I'm feeling
19:37 and He will restore me to a newer
19:39 and probably, and more likely, a better relationship.
19:41 And I will say, that was, that was pretty nice though.
19:45 But I also like what Kory said,
19:47 you know, going back to that there was a time
19:51 when you spiritualized something.
19:52 Now the fact of the matter is
19:54 if God has not be playing any role in my relationship,
19:58 you know, bringing Him at the end
20:00 is kind of like using God as a scapegoat,
20:02 which is not real and people do see through that.
20:06 You know, they may not be able to argue with it,
20:07 but they'll see through it and they will,
20:11 and that's where you have this antagonistic break ups
20:14 where I see you and the next thing
20:16 you know it's, shots being fired.
20:19 Yeah.
20:21 You know, you are not in a parking lot by yourself
20:24 because someone may run...
20:26 Oh, come on.
20:28 What kind of break up that is?
20:30 A serious break up.
20:32 But I get what you're saying, Jeanne.
20:34 You know, I think part of the issue
20:36 is break ups aren't break ups anymore.
20:37 Break ups are divorces.
20:39 Yeah. That's true. Yeah.
20:40 And the reason why break ups hurts so bad
20:44 is because it's not just ending a friendship
20:47 with the intent to marriage,
20:48 its not just ending a dating relationship,
20:51 you're breaking up with someone
20:53 you put in the place of your spouse.
20:56 You are cooking together,
20:57 you washing each other's clothes,
21:00 you're, you know, pretty much, you know, living together,
21:03 spending the night in each other's houses,
21:05 you're doing all of these things
21:07 that look like marital actions.
21:10 And you invest yourself emotionally
21:11 and all of sudden when that person isn't in your life,
21:15 you feel literally like a divorce
21:17 'cause you've broken up with that person,
21:18 you've separated your life from them.
21:21 And so too often, we make, I like that saying,
21:24 you know, some people are there for a moment,
21:26 a season, and a lifetime.
21:28 We make moment people
21:30 and seasonal people, lifetime people
21:33 and they're not supposed to be there.
21:34 Yeah. Okay.
21:37 I mean, I have a lot I wanted to say.
21:40 But what Kim was saying is true.
21:43 I think what we have...
21:45 A lot of the fallout from relationships
21:49 stem from how we approach the situation, dating.
21:54 Like we you said, we get involved too much too soon.
21:57 I think one of the things that we can do to,
22:01 kind of, hedge against,
22:04 you know, deep emotional pain is to get family involved,
22:09 get your, get your parents involved,
22:12 your mom and dad or both
22:14 or, you know, brother, sister, friends,
22:16 church members and, you know, be open--
22:20 Accountability.
22:21 You have accountability so you can,
22:24 somebody can see the pace at which you are going
22:27 and somebody of course older and wiser,
22:29 hopefully, spiritual
22:32 that can help you make the right decision.
22:35 And you know, if it's meant to be,
22:37 they can challenge you
22:39 if you're, you know, one or both parties want to,
22:41 you know, end the relationship, they can kind of start talk
22:46 and saying, you know, its not that deep,
22:48 you know, this is something that can be worked through.
22:51 Well, I mean, just to kind of
22:52 play devil's advocate a little bit.
22:54 I've been in situation where family was involved
22:57 and all that did was add pressure to the situation,
23:02 you know, or, you know, one person I dated
23:04 and the more I got to know their family,
23:06 the more I realized that they were
23:08 kind of by themselves,
23:09 that their family members were the ones
23:11 who treated them the worst, and stuff like that.
23:13 And so when it came time to break things off,
23:15 I felt like if I was gonna take with me the only person
23:18 that they really had on their side, you know.
23:20 So I mean, what do we do, what do we do,
23:22 in that kind of situation, you know.
23:24 And for me, I'll tell you what I did and it how worked.
23:27 I didn't have to break anything off
23:29 and I'm gonna tell you...
23:30 I'm so serious.
23:32 You know, I prayed the prayer and it sounds so cliche.
23:34 I said, God, I'm just telling You,
23:36 I've got myself into some messes.
23:38 You know, I'm in a situation.
23:40 I need for You take out of my life
23:42 that which does not need to be there.
23:43 This person doesn't need to be there
23:45 and that's how I'm feeling,
23:46 if that is the truth of the situation,
23:47 God, please them out.
23:49 And I being, I mean, God has taken people out of my life.
23:53 I mean, I've had people call me out of blue and say,
23:56 "Man, you this really isn't gonna work.
23:57 I don't know why, this is just how I feel today."
23:59 And I'm like, "Well, praise God."
24:01 You know, they're expecting me to be like,
24:03 "Wow, you know, what can we do to make it work?"
24:05 And I'm thinking--
24:07 I'm breathing a sigh of relief like, thank You, Jesus,
24:08 you know, for allowing for this thing to end,
24:11 you know, in a way that that,
24:12 you know, that worked for both of us.
24:14 Grace. Grace.
24:16 Codependency I think is an issue
24:18 that I think people face in relationships
24:20 where they feel like,
24:21 if I let this person go I'm all they have,
24:24 they are all I have,
24:26 we are each others support system, I can't--
24:29 You don't what to be mean. Yeah, I don't want to be mean.
24:31 I can't leave them because what will they think of me.
24:34 You know, we don't want to be the bad guy or whatever.
24:37 And so we use all these different reasons
24:39 to play out of it,
24:41 but sometimes you just got to do what you got to do.
24:44 Like, if you are mature enough to get into a relationship,
24:48 then I would, eventually I would hope to say
24:50 that you are now mature enough also to allow God to lead you
24:54 when it's time for you to get out of that relationship.
24:55 I mean, 'cause you can't stay with somebody
24:57 for them, you know.
24:59 I mean, and that's kind of the guilt trip sometimes,
25:01 you know, get's put on you, you know.
25:03 Just staying there because you want to,
25:06 you know, don't hurt that person,
25:07 but really you're gonna marry that person just for them,
25:09 what about, you know, if it's not right?
25:11 So you have to really be honest and real about that situation.
25:16 So let's keep going on here
25:18 and I want to talk about leading someone on.
25:21 Because now there's the other side of it,
25:23 okay, because now it's hard to get out of the relationship
25:25 because well, you've done something, you've led them on.
25:28 So how do you keep from leading someone on?
25:31 Well--
25:34 Mercy.
25:35 Again, I mean, you have to really trust,
25:40 we have to trust God more in this thing
25:44 because you can see somebody and you say,
25:47 "Wow, she is really, you know, attractive and you go for it."
25:51 And I've been there, you know, and sometimes
25:55 it doesn't take too long to realize that wow,
25:57 that's a mistake.
25:59 Yeah, let's try to reel that back in,
26:02 but, you know, interest has already,
26:05 you know, sparked
26:06 and it's if I had been a little bit slower, if I had--
26:11 More prayerful.
26:12 Have been more prayerful
26:14 and allow God to take the reins,
26:17 take initiative,
26:18 I think we can certainly, leading people on.
26:21 I don't think that it's necessary.
26:25 And these things are called "friendationships"
26:29 where you are like you're friends,
26:31 but you act like you are in a relationship,
26:33 you flirt, you bring each other things,
26:35 you're texting, you're staying up
26:37 all hours of the night talking on the phone
26:39 and then you want to say, "Oh, wait.
26:41 We were just friends."
26:43 And so I think there needs to be
26:44 that clear communication, you know, between two people,
26:48 but also, you need to know what your interest is.
26:50 Like, be--
26:52 If you would just be straight up, just be honest.
26:55 It might hurt initially, but, you know--
26:58 Real quick.
26:59 And I like what Kory said earlier,
27:01 you know, where he was praying for the Lord
27:03 to remove people out of his life
27:05 'cause I know now as I grow older
27:08 there are times when,
27:09 you know, when I start to see that
27:11 may be there's something starting out
27:14 I'll say, "God please, if this is something that needs to be,
27:18 you know, this is something that needs to move on,
27:21 you know, let it go away, it needs to go.
27:23 But if it's not, then take that person out."
27:24 And I will testify,
27:26 the Lord does remove people out of your life.
27:29 Amen. Praise God for it. That grace.
27:31 So that's our program, we didn't exhaust it all,
27:33 but that's our program for today.
27:34 I just want to leave you with this,
27:37 do unto others what you would have them do unto you,
27:38 and esteem others better than yourselves.
27:40 Remember that relationships are serious.
27:43 You got to be careful how you get into them
27:44 and how you get out of them.
27:45 And so just remember to always keep it before the Lord.
27:49 Well, that's it.
27:50 Thank you all so much
27:51 and remember to always make pure choices.


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Revised 2016-02-11