Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), Brittany Hill-Morales, Kimberly Douglas, Kory Douglas, Xavier Morales
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000077A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:02 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:04 may be too candid for younger children. 00:37 Hello and welcome to Pure Choices. 00:40 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson, 00:42 and I'm so excited that you decided 00:43 to join us once again. 00:45 This is going to be a great one. 00:47 We're talking about how to avoid having an affair. 00:52 Yes, this is going to be a really good one. 00:53 So before we get into it, let's call for the Spirit 00:57 to be with us at this time. 00:58 Let's pray. 01:00 Heavenly Father, please send your Spirit 01:02 to shape this conversation and help us guide, 01:04 in Jesus' name we pray, amen. 01:06 Amen. 01:07 All right, well, let's go ahead and introduce the panel. 01:09 To my left, and my friend chaplain Xavier Morales, 01:13 happy to have you here, my brother. 01:15 And this time, we separate you from your wife 01:16 who is over here to my right, Brittany Hill-Morales, 01:21 and she is an intern out there in Berrien Springs, 01:24 pastor intern. 01:25 Happy to have her here with us. 01:27 Next to her, we have Kimberly Douglas. 01:30 See, I can't get these last names 01:31 but you all just got married, and so glad to have her, 01:35 scholar in her own write. 01:37 Next to her is her husband Pastor K.P. Douglas. 01:40 So happy to have everyone here today and of course, 01:42 I'm Pastor Nelson and my wife of course isn't here. 01:45 So I'm sad, but I'm happy you all have your spouses here. 01:49 But we're talking about this thing, okay, 01:51 for married couples. 01:52 And I understand that people watching us 01:54 probably laughing right now and saying, 01:55 "Man, these fresh married couples 01:57 are going to talk about how to avoid an affair." 02:00 And of course, we're supposed to be 02:01 in the most happy honeymoon stage right now. 02:04 I got married, been about a year now 02:06 since I'm married. 02:08 You all been what? Couple months now? 02:09 Okay, praise God. And few months here. 02:11 So we don't know everything, 02:12 let's just put that out there disclaimer, 02:14 what we do know from looking at the people 02:16 on our churches, people on our families, 02:19 and even doing a lot of counseling ourselves 02:21 to know there are some tips that we have learned 02:24 that we're putting in practice now 02:26 that we can maybe give to those who are watching. 02:29 But let's start with the first question which is, 02:33 why do people have affairs? 02:38 Why do you all think people have affairs? 02:40 I know none of us are thinking about it. 02:42 So why do you think other people have affairs? 02:45 I think it's mainly from what I've noticed 02:49 and counseled people on before, it's mainly 02:53 because they're not getting whatever satisfaction 02:55 they're trying to get from their spouse, 02:58 they're not getting it and they... 03:00 Like they say, the grass is greener 03:01 on the other side sometimes, 03:03 and that's what they want to do, 03:05 they want to go see if they can get, you know, 03:06 that feel good moment that they want to be able 03:09 to whatever they lost in the marriage, 03:12 they want to try to rekindle it, 03:13 but instead of rekindling it with the spouse, 03:15 they try to rekindle it elsewhere to try to go back 03:18 to that euphoria of the dating stage. 03:20 Yeah, yeah. 03:21 Okay, let's go... I like that. 03:23 So let's go a little deeper into that 03:25 why do people have affairs. 03:28 I don't think that everyone sets out saying, 03:31 "I'm going to have an affair." 03:33 Granted, there are some people who might, 03:35 but I don't think that's everybody's intention, 03:39 for some, it's honestly that one step 03:42 in the wrong direction and then you find yourself 03:44 on a slippery slope. 03:46 And you find yourself making compromises and decisions 03:50 that you promised yourself and your wife or husband 03:53 that you would have never made. 03:54 Yeah. 03:56 All right, let's make it a little bit harder, okay, 03:57 I'm going to ask you a little more pointed question. 03:59 I'm going to ask the women first. 04:01 Ladies, why do you all think men cheat? 04:06 What do you think, Brittany? What do you think? 04:08 It could be different reasons. 04:12 I personally think some men cheat 04:14 because either they are not being satisfied at home, 04:19 so they go out to find 04:20 that satisfaction that they need. 04:23 Even though I've heard the flip off, 04:24 they may not be 04:26 because they're not being satisfied 04:27 they may not be being heard, not being respected, 04:30 so they go out to have someone listen to them, 04:34 to have someone value them, to have someone want 04:36 to respect them, and that's my understanding. 04:41 I'm not a man. Okay. 04:42 I just want your opinion. 04:43 I'm going to let the men talk in a second. 04:45 Kimberly, you want to add to that? 04:46 I think that it has to do with immaturity 04:52 and do not... 04:56 I think it has to do with immaturity 04:58 and just not being realistic sometimes. 05:05 In terms of immaturity, you know, 05:08 you think whatever practices you might have been doing 05:11 when you were dating, you think you get married 05:14 and the switch just flips 05:16 and you stop automatically not so. 05:20 You know, whatever you want to happen in your marriage, 05:22 you need to cultivate or begin to cultivate 05:25 before you're married. 05:28 And that's such a good point because I think even now 05:30 as us being freshly married, this is the time I think 05:33 that's the hardest for us because we have to learn 05:34 how to not be single anymore, you know. 05:37 I mean, so it's a temptation and go back to how you were 05:40 and so there is more of a possibility that, 05:42 you know, we could slip into that cheating, 05:44 especially if that's something we did when we were dating. 05:46 So, men, let's just break... 05:48 Oh, I'm sorry. All right, go ahead, Kim. 05:51 I think also sometimes when you're not being 05:53 intentional about the decisions that you make, 05:56 it can lead to having affairs 05:59 because if you begin a marriage and... 06:04 I remember when we were engaged and, you know, 06:06 how everybody gives you advice at that point of time. 06:09 Everybody. Everybody. 06:11 I remember somebody said to us, well, said to me, 06:15 "Don't make divorce an option." 06:18 And it sounds good. 06:20 Real good. It sounds very good. 06:23 But when you think of doing the work to not make divorce 06:28 an option and not make extramarital affairs 06:32 and those things an option, it calls for being intentional 06:36 about some things and if we're not intentional 06:39 about those things, 06:40 the little problems can then, you know, grow into big things. 06:43 Yeah, that's a good point, intentionality, 06:45 and we're going to touch on that a little more. 06:47 That's really good. 06:49 So, men, I guess we haven't been very intentional 06:51 if we think about cheating every... 06:53 but what is it that, you know, the women are watching, 06:56 what is that really causes us? 06:58 I know a lot of us have thought about it, 06:59 but what is that causes, I mean, in the past 07:01 or the men watching, what causes them to cheat? 07:06 Oh, I'll take it. Okay. 07:08 Well, I can tell from experience. 07:09 I'm not a cheater, and I've only been married once 07:12 and I'm happily married. 07:14 But anyway, I know in my younger years 07:18 what leads to stepping outside a relationship is oftentimes 07:22 just the availability of another person, you know. 07:26 And I think even what Kim touched on 07:28 is very important is that being intentional, 07:32 and most of the times, I had that... 07:34 Talking about a long time ago 07:36 and I was a lot younger, 07:38 I had that opportunity to step outside of relationship, 07:42 it was usually with somebody I had dated before, 07:44 maybe or somebody I knew, you know, 07:47 or had some kind of run in with in the past 07:51 and it was just a moment 07:52 where we were both available, you know. 07:54 And I think and based on television 07:58 and shows of that has any truth 08:00 'cause they kind of make it seem like everybody cheats, 08:02 but usually what we see on television, 08:06 it usually is that being 08:07 in the wrong place the wrong time, 08:09 putting yourself in bad positions. 08:11 You know, nobody wants to cheat, but, you know, 08:13 sometimes as a guy, you know, some beautiful woman 08:16 and she makes herself available, you know, 08:18 then you got a real hard decision to make. 08:21 Yeah, there's always that possibility for a scandal. 08:24 There's always that possibility. 08:26 Yeah. 08:27 I mean, you know, and oftentimes, 08:29 what we see on TV is that people or men think, 08:32 "You know, oh, well, I married the wrong person, 08:34 you know, so I'm cheating because I want to be with 08:37 the "right" person, you know." 08:39 Another thing I've heard is men will cheat 08:41 because they want to have power over the woman 08:43 because they feel insecure and so they feel that 08:45 maybe she will, and so they want to make sure 08:47 that something went upon her, you know, 08:48 a lot of psychological things going on there. 08:50 Xavier, you want to add to that? 08:52 Yeah, I think it goes back to monogamy 08:54 and also availability and intentionality, you know, 08:56 society hasn't taught, I don't think ever, 08:59 that men should be, you know, monogamous, you know, 09:02 were created to go forth and procreate, you know. 09:06 I know I'm speaking personally like in my culture, 09:09 Puerto Rico, Caribbean culture, you know, 09:12 you don't really see a lot of committed men. 09:16 So, you know, you have to work against that. 09:18 And then, you know, we recently got married 09:21 and that was a very difficult, you know, 09:23 situation or decision for me 09:25 because I've been in situations before in my past, you know. 09:29 I have a past in which I was, you know, when I was single, 09:32 you know, you go from woman to woman. 09:34 So the idea of being with one single person 09:38 and not getting that feeling of, you know, 09:42 being here one minute, 09:43 over here the next or as my friends would... 09:46 the friends that I used to have would say, "Baskin-Robbins, 09:48 trial all 31 flavors," you know. 09:51 That feeling, you know, it's like you don't want it 09:53 to go away, you know, the idea of one person. 09:56 And I think men are driven more by testosterone. 10:00 Yeah. And the conquering, yeah. Yeah. 10:02 I conquer this one, this one, and this one rather than, 10:05 you know, being committed to the one 10:06 and actually dedicating that work 10:08 and time to building that relationship 10:11 with that one. 10:12 Yeah, that goes back to lot of things 10:14 we've talked about before, you know, 10:15 if you are living a promiscuous life, 10:17 you're not making pure choices, it's going to be hard for you 10:19 to get married and then think you're going to be able 10:21 to all of a sudden be with one person. 10:23 So let's go ahead and talk about... 10:24 we talked a lot about why men cheat. 10:26 You all discuss them at home. 10:28 But let's go why do women cheat? 10:29 That's what we want to know. Why do women usually cheat? 10:34 I thought the men were going to answer first. 10:36 Oh, yeah, no, last time we did... 10:37 Okay, fine, fine. 10:39 To be fair, look at me, I'm there. 10:41 Okay, all right, Pastor Douglas, 10:43 tell us why do you think women cheat? 10:46 I have no idea. I really don't. 10:47 I can try, why women cheat, I mean, 10:50 probably the same answer we gave for men, 10:54 just feeling inadequate, maybe not having needs met. 10:59 I do think though that 11:00 and I'm just throwing this out there 11:01 and maybe more emotional for women, 11:03 you know, maybe they're not have any emotional needs met, 11:06 I don't know, is that... 11:08 You're looking at me... 11:10 I'm trying to say the right things. 11:13 Let's let the women talk about that what do you think 11:16 'cause of course, you are not the one doing it, 11:17 what do you all think of that why women cheat. 11:20 I think that some women do because they can. 11:23 Okay. Because you can. 11:28 When I think about relationships 11:33 and what happens 11:36 when a guy cheats on a woman chances are you hear about her 11:43 forgiving him and, you know, they work things out. 11:47 But in the reverse, when a woman cheats, 11:51 and the guy, he can't take it. 11:54 Don't come home, baby. You know? 11:57 So I think sometimes women do because they can 12:01 and because they can get away with it. 12:03 I know that sounds bad, 12:04 but I think that is the truth for some people. 12:07 I also think that, you know, some truth to what 12:10 Kory was saying emotionally, you know, 12:15 because we I guess tend to be more emotional creatures 12:19 that, you know, if safer instance, 12:23 I don't know, if I... 12:29 There's some area of our marriage 12:32 where I feel like, you know, "I'm not being heard 12:35 or I'm not being understood," you know, 12:38 you look for somebody else who will hear 12:41 and who will understand. 12:44 But of course, it's dangerous. 12:46 Right, that person comes right along 12:47 and filling those needs. 12:49 It's dangerous and, you know, it tends to come around like 12:51 you said at the wrong time, you know, it's dangerous. 12:54 Okay. 12:55 Brittany wants to add a little something to that. 12:56 I was going to add like, what she said, 12:58 it's like a slippery slope. 12:59 If you think, "Okay, I'm just going to go," 13:01 and someone says, "Oh, you look really nice today." 13:04 I remember someone did tell me that. 13:05 I was having a really bad day, the guy I was dating 13:08 at that time was getting all on my nerves 13:10 then I went off Facebook and it popped up, 13:12 "You really look beautiful on the pulpit today." 13:14 Oh, man. 13:15 Made you feel like you're all in the clouds. 13:18 And sometimes it's just little things 13:20 and it just starts slowly, and slowly, and slowly 13:22 until you wake up one morning and like, "What happened?" 13:25 But then another switch for some women, 13:29 it may not be a slippery slope, it may be intentional of, 13:33 "I'm going to go out because I need something." 13:36 And some things might be, 13:37 "My husband is not providing sexually for me," 13:40 because some women do have to get that sexual desire met. 13:43 "I'm going to go and do this and then come back home 13:46 and still get satisfied by him," and it could be... 13:49 that's just so many different areas. 13:52 So let's now talk about those individuals 13:54 who are maybe in a married relationship 13:56 right now and, you know, 13:58 maybe their marriage is not the best, 14:00 but they're maybe in that danger zone 14:03 of possibly having an affair, what are some things 14:06 they can look for to know that maybe they're in danger 14:10 of having that affair 14:11 or their spouse is in danger of having? 14:14 Are you talking? 14:16 Say it again. Are you talking? 14:18 Are you communicating? Oh, okay. 14:20 I'm saying as one of the signs. Yeah, yeah. 14:22 Are you communicating with each other? 14:24 Yeah. 14:26 Whether it's, you know, you come home, 14:27 "Hey, guess what happened at work today or, 14:31 you know what, you didn't do this." 14:34 You know, it's still communication, 14:36 so I think that's definitely one thing, you know, 14:40 that people can look out for is that communication, 14:43 constant communication still happening. 14:45 Sure. 14:47 Does he run, try to beat you to his phone 14:49 when you reach for it? 14:51 Yes. It has a lock. 14:52 That's the problem. 14:54 When you don't know the password. 14:55 You know her password, she don't know yours. 14:59 Yeah. 15:00 It's one of the two of them being very secretive. 15:04 There's a difference between 'cause, you know, 15:06 with my spouse, my wife, you know, 15:08 I give her some level of respect and privacy 15:11 for her things that she needs to do, 15:13 but then there's privacy and then there is secrecy. 15:15 You know, people being secretive 15:17 of what they're doing. 15:19 Usually, you can notice that by an elevated sense of, 15:24 you know, you ask them something 15:25 they jump all over you. 15:28 Usually, they tend to be on edge all the time, 15:31 so you notice those things, you know, 15:34 it's one of them staying a little extra longer out, 15:38 you know, and not meeting like a couple minutes, I mean, 15:41 I'm talking about hours, hours. 15:45 So those little things like that usually 15:47 like the biggest one is just a high, 15:49 a sense of walking on eggshells 15:50 or being on edge all the time over anything. 15:53 Yeah, and I like that because, you know, 15:55 it may mean that they're having an affair, 15:56 but if someone is spending so much time away 15:59 from each other, 16:00 then they're going to open up a door 16:02 to allow someone to fill that time 16:03 because you still as a human being, 16:04 you want that emotional connection 16:06 with the opposite sex. 16:07 So, you know, that's another big one. 16:09 And also surprising, you know, I'm reading that another sign 16:13 is that you have stopped having arguments, 16:15 you know, you're just done. 16:17 I'm going to say, "Okay, this is it, whatever you say," 16:19 you know, that's another danger. 16:21 I was going to say based on what, you know, 16:23 like Xavier was saying maybe you should ask yourself, 16:25 "Do I trust this person?" 16:27 You know, if you can't trust somebody, 16:29 you have problems with that person in general. 16:31 But if you also have the trust issue, 16:33 then that may lead to something as well. 16:35 You know, some people cheat because they're paranoid 16:38 that they're going to get cheated on. 16:40 You know, maybe try to beat the person to the punch. 16:43 And so I think you should really act yourself 16:44 even when you were talking about secrecy, 16:46 I mean, we began to think, you know, 16:48 secrecy is a serious thing. 16:50 You know, you think about what the devil used to trip up 16:53 Eve was the fact that he told her, 16:56 "God is keeping a secret from you," you know, 16:58 and she wouldn't be able to trust God anymore. 17:01 You know, and so her relationship with God 17:02 was broken based on that lack of trust and the fact 17:05 that she thought that God will keep us on the front. 17:08 But honestly, I think that even with these, you know, 17:11 potential indicators that we've thrown out in a situation 17:15 that isn't healthy or is not necessarily happy, 17:20 the smallest thing 17:21 that's nothing will seem like an indicator. 17:24 Yeah. 17:25 And so I think that, you know, just taking some time 17:28 to look at your current situation 17:30 and analyze it with as clear lens as possible... 17:34 And sometimes also having an accountability partner 17:36 or prayer partner, someone, you know, 17:38 because you don't want to necessarily go 17:40 and spread your business to the world, 17:42 but somebody who has your best interest at heart, 17:45 someone you can trust, 17:47 and ask if they've seen anything 17:50 because sometimes too, 17:51 when you're in a situation, you can't see it. 17:54 Yeah, okay, that's a good one as well. 17:57 Okay, go ahead. 17:58 I think so too what she said is cool, 18:00 accountability because and it sounds funny, 18:02 but it happens in real life, you know, you got these people, 18:05 you tell your boys 18:06 or the girlfriend tells their girlfriend, 18:08 "Hey, did you hear what happened? 18:09 Girlfriend, did you hear what happened here and there." 18:11 You know, it just maybe nothing, 18:14 it may just be an unhappy circumstance 18:16 that can be easily solved, 18:17 but then it's made into something. 18:19 So I think what she... 18:21 Can we say what's key there, you know, 18:23 whoever you have accountability, 18:24 make sure you can trust them too. 18:26 Well, I was just going to say just make sure that you talk 18:29 to your spouse as much as you talk 18:31 to your accountability person 18:32 or make sure he's praying with this spouse 18:34 as much as praying with your prayer partner. 18:36 And what can help with that and we didn't touch on 18:38 in terms of signs is intimacy, you know, 18:41 if intimacy is not there and I didn't say sex, 18:44 I said intimacy, you know, because if you are not able to, 18:49 you know, see into them 18:50 and be able to connect with them 18:52 in that deep level, then there is a good sign 18:55 that maybe there is going to be, you know, 18:56 some sort of affair that could possibly happen. 18:58 So, you know, I think if your husband watching this, 19:02 you know, you don't have that intimacy with your wife, 19:04 you got to fight for that. 19:06 And same with the wife, you know, 19:07 you got to fight for that because if you don't have 19:08 that connection intimately, 19:11 it's going to open up a lot of doors. 19:13 And the sex is important too because that is what God 19:16 has given us to glue us together, you know. 19:18 Sorry. 19:20 And I don't think that you should necessarily wait 19:22 until something happens because I think when two people 19:26 are in sync and you fall off, you can sort of detect 19:31 when things are not the same or when something... 19:34 And it could be something that's happening with me, 19:36 you know, I could be the one in the situation 19:40 with both of us, and I'm just like, 19:41 "You know, something's not right." 19:43 I might notice, you know, you just lingering, 19:46 it's not a quick glance anymore, 19:47 it's a long stare and then you start thinking things, 19:50 and that's what I meant by a slippery slope. 19:52 It will start as something seemingly innocent, 19:55 and then it, you know, balloons into something. 19:57 So don't wait until, you know, you end up in a bedroom 20:01 that's not yours or something. 20:03 Yeah. 20:04 All right, let's go and talk about some tips which, 20:06 you know, the title is avoiding affairs, 20:08 so let's talk about how we can really avoid the affairs. 20:10 What are some things that you all started practicing 20:12 in your own marriages 20:14 that are helping to avoid affairs. 20:17 I would start with mindset, you know, 20:20 if you don't have a mindset for marriage, 20:22 your might as well forget about it. 20:24 And if you don't have a correct mindset, 20:25 you might as well forget about it. 20:27 The bottom line is marriage is a lot of work, 20:29 where I'm from, it's mad work. 20:32 Marriage is mad work, okay? 20:34 And if you come into a marriage not thinking 20:37 it's not going to be work, you know, 20:38 we look at marriage on television, 20:40 you often get married when everything is okay, 20:42 you know, "I want to get myself together, my career together, 20:44 my life together, or my own house, 20:46 and see what this is like first." 20:47 So by the time you come together 20:49 you're expecting two complete whole people 20:50 who are perfect to just kind of all of a sudden be together 20:53 and be perfect, 20:55 I think that is not even remotely close, I love my wife, 20:58 does not even remotely close to what the truth 21:00 is there's going to be struggles, 21:01 there's going to be issues, there's going to be arguments. 21:03 And I think maybe even go back to the first question, 21:07 marriages fail because people are lazy, you know, 21:09 they're not expecting to do so much work. 21:12 So from the beginning, you have to have a mindset 21:14 that this thing is going to take some work. 21:16 Yeah, and I think, you know, for me and my wife, you know, 21:18 we had to recognize each other's brokenness, 21:20 you know, who we really were. 21:22 I think sometimes you enter marriages thinking 21:23 there's a white picket fence around the individual, 21:27 you think they're perfect and stuff... 21:28 Especially for women you can be blinded, 21:30 And I had to tell, "Look, baby, 21:31 I'm a mess," you know, 21:32 she had to really see that and accept that. 21:34 I had to see stuff about her until, you know, 21:36 we could really, you know, understand that a lot of times, 21:40 and unfortunately, a lot of times individuals 21:42 will come into relationships wounded, you know, 21:44 broken and they're expecting that spouse to put them 21:46 back together, to heal them, you know. 21:49 And where it is true that the two become one 21:52 that one is... you have to understand 21:56 the wounds that they have and the brokenness 21:58 that they brought to the situation, 22:00 so you can actually not be repulsed by it 22:02 and run away to somebody else, but actually be able 22:06 to stay glued to the individual. 22:08 Yeah, I would definitely add you need to know yourself 22:11 because affairs won't just happen 22:13 because you were with someone of the opposite sex 22:16 'cause you could have an affair with a man or with a woman, 22:19 that's the society that we're living in now, 22:21 you can just slip to either side. 22:24 You have to know whatever the core issue is 22:27 that's going on with you to first start within yourself. 22:30 Either you're missing some sort of love 22:33 that could be connected to a father or a mother 22:35 or whatever it is something that's deeply going on 22:38 within you that makes you want to cling to a woman 22:41 or cling to a man and then leads to that affair. 22:46 You have to know yourself first. 22:48 It's not just, "Okay, I'm missing, you know, 22:51 feeling hugs every day, so I'm going to go 22:53 and find a girl who's going to hug me all the time. 22:55 And she's a girl she's going to be okay 22:57 'cause it is not a guy." 22:58 You can end up having an affair with a girl 23:00 because that's the society that we're living in right now. 23:02 Yeah. 23:03 I think I would just take a few moments 23:06 to think before acting. 23:11 You know, if you just pause for a few seconds, 23:15 think about what you're about to do, 23:18 and think about the repercussions 23:21 of the action, and you're right it might, 23:25 you know, work well for some people, 23:27 it might not work well for others. 23:30 But that definitely came to mind, 23:32 take a few moments to be... 23:33 Yeah, you got to be able to think about 23:35 what you're doing and who you're doing it to, 23:37 you know, when you're in a situation. 23:39 You know, and a big part of this is really making sure 23:41 your love connection is tight, you know, 23:43 knowing each other's love languages 23:44 and being able to speak that language 23:47 that is going to appeal that individual, you know, 23:50 fill up their love bank so that you won't be seeking 23:53 that from somebody else, you know... 23:56 You have something? Go ahead. Yeah. 23:57 I was going to say, you know, one of the biggest things is, 24:00 you know, when you're dating, don't stop dating. 24:04 And one of the biggest things that we have 24:06 'cause like I said, when you mentioned brokenness, 24:09 you know, I brought a lot of brokenness, you know, 24:11 I had to really get some self-awareness 24:13 because I didn't know it was not fair to her. 24:16 You know, to my wife to have to deal with everything 24:18 that was a result of my past and everything I did, 24:24 but one thing that we keep sacred 24:26 is our date night. 24:27 You know, we have a date night, and this day and age 24:30 when everything everybody so busy whether with work, 24:33 iPhone, iPad, computer, Wi-Fi, everything else, 24:36 you know, where it's going to be easily distracted. 24:39 So I think a date night, you know, 24:41 where you can actually go turn everything off. 24:43 You know, if you have kids, find a babysitter that trust, 24:46 leave the baby with the babysitter, 24:48 and really have that time alone where you can restore 24:52 that intimacy, restore and nurture 24:54 that relationship to the way it was before. 24:57 There's hope, but you just got to put it in the work. 24:59 Yeah, I'm so happy you said that man. 25:00 Yeah, there has to be a sacred time. 25:02 You know, you have to keep that time with that individual 25:04 to keep that love alive. 25:06 Yeah, go ahead. 25:07 There is something else I thought of when I guess 25:08 this is just putting us kind of on front street. 25:10 Hey, please, put my bit up, please do. 25:13 I remember we had an argument one time. 25:19 And the argument ended all because Kory said, 25:26 "You know what, let's just stop and pray." 25:30 And there's just something 25:31 about having to pray with somebody. 25:37 That's a good one, man. 25:39 When you're upset, 25:40 two don't really go together well. 25:42 And, you know, you really don't want to in the moment, 25:46 "No, I don't want to stop and pray right now, 25:47 I'm not really happy with you." 25:49 But, you know, you're kind of, 25:52 "All right, whatever, let's just pray." 25:54 And in the midst of that like I almost felt that anger or, 25:59 you know, disappointment just subsiding, 26:03 and it sounds idealistic, but it actually works. 26:08 Yeah, it does, sometimes it does I guess. 26:11 If you can manage to. 26:13 Yeah, but I was going to say something similar to that, 26:16 you know, to where even if you stop 26:18 and even force yourself to like touch each other, 26:20 you know, and that's touch or even I was saying before 26:23 about, you know, staring in someone eyes 26:24 she is not saying just look at me, 26:26 you know, and that kind of reconnects about 26:28 who they really are because you're angry 26:30 at the moment at that thing, 26:32 but you really have to remember I do love you. 26:35 You know, and so they have to make sure you separate 26:37 the two 'cause arguments is a lot of times 26:39 what will lead to when you're fed up 26:41 with a relationship and just want to get over with. 26:44 If I could just use one word, I would just say connection 26:49 which we've kind of talked about for the most part, 26:51 but I think you got to just be real 26:53 like you've got to be connected to God, 26:55 you know, no marriage is going to work 26:58 if you're trying hard to be connected to each other 27:01 and neither person is trying to be connected to God. 27:03 And I'm not necessarily talking about, you know, 27:06 couple worship and all that good stuff like, you know, 27:08 we'll pray together, put our devotion together now 27:11 all the time, you know, but we do, but I make sure 27:14 that the mornings where we don't have devotion 27:16 and she didn't even know it all times, 27:17 sometimes I'll just hug her and pray for her. 27:19 You know, I'll pray by myself on my devotion. 27:21 Oh, man, that's nice. I know, right? 27:23 I got points for that. I did that too, baby. 27:27 Just trying to stay... 27:30 Just trying to stay connected as much as I can to God, 27:33 you know, knowing and trusting 27:34 that God is really the deciding factor. 27:38 And also that we've been talking also stay connected 27:40 to each other, you know. 27:42 Amen. 27:43 And that's where we're going to end it. 27:44 It's a really good topic, 27:46 I'm sure we could discuss more about it. 27:47 But I didn't add this one, at the end of the day, 27:50 one thing that helps not having an affair just have more sex. 27:54 Honestly, at the end of the day 27:56 just remember to always make Pure Choices. 27:58 God bless you. 28:00 That definitely helps. |
Revised 2018-02-07