Series Code: PTL
Program Code: PTL000008A
01:03 Oh, that I had a thousand voices
01:09 to praise my God with thousand tongues.
01:15 My heart, which in the Lord rejoices,
01:20 would then proclaim in grateful songs.
01:30 O all ye powers that God implanted,
01:37 arise, and silence keep no more;
01:42 Put forth the strength that He has granted.
01:47 Your noblest work is to adore.
02:03 All creatures that have breath and motion,
02:08 that throng the earth, the sea, the sky,
02:14 now join me in my heart's devotion;
02:19 help me raise God's praises high.
02:25 Now join me in my heart's devotion;
02:30 help me raise God's praises high.
02:58 O Father, deign Thou, I beseech Thee,
03:04 to listen to my earthly lays;
03:10 a nobler strain in heaven shall reach Thee
03:15 when I with angels hymn Thy praise
03:21 and learn amid their choirs to sing
03:27 hallelujahs to my King.
03:55 Hello 3ABN family, and welcome to the Paradise Valley
03:59 Seventh-day Adventist Church.
04:02 We're glad that wherever and whenever you're watching
04:05 this, that you are involved and welcomed to, Pathways to Life,
04:11 in Phoenix, Arizona.
04:13 This is in fact, like I say, the Paradise Valley
04:16 Seventh-day Adventist Church.
04:17 I'm the pastor, Jim Hakes, of the Phoenix church.
04:21 If you have been watching through the last seven
04:24 presentations, and there are fifteen presentations
04:27 with Pastor Lomacang of this, Pathways to Life, series,
04:31 so we're right at halfway,
04:33 but if you've been watching the first seven,
04:35 you may notice that right now we're doing
04:37 a little bit different.
04:39 The reason is, wherever or whenever you're seeing
04:42 or hearing this meeting today, this is actually the Sabbath
04:49 morning worship service here in Phoenix, Arizona.
04:52 So this is the Saturday morning service.
04:55 And I hope that it's a good day for you
04:58 whenever and wherever you're watching it.
05:02 You've just heard the sanctuary choir
05:05 of the Paradise Valley church
05:07 under the direction of Mr. Claudio Marsollier.
05:13 And Pastor Lomacang will be speaking to us in just a moment.
05:17 We just want you to know what a blessing it has been
05:20 here in Phoenix to have Elder Lomacang and his friends
05:25 from 3ABN putting on this presentation of meetings.
05:31 And it has been a blessing to our church family.
05:34 We hope and pray that it is a blessing to you
05:37 as you're watching and listening.
05:38 Whether you're watching on 3ABN or live streaming,
05:42 or whether you're on Good News TV,
05:45 we just want you to know that we hope that these
05:48 series of meetings are a blessing in your family.
05:52 Today, Elder Lomacang is going to be speaking to us
05:55 on the subject, The Family of God.
05:59 And as he speaks to us about the subject, The Family of God,
06:03 it is our prayer that your family is blessed
06:09 as we talk about God's family.
06:14 Elder Lomacang, come and speak to us, if you would please.
06:18 Good morning, everyone.
06:21 I can say, as the pastor said, happy Sabbath, everyone.
06:25 Glad to see you here.
06:27 We are going to dive right into the presentation this morning,
06:30 and ask for the Lord's blessings.
06:31 Amen to that choir.
06:33 It's so good to hear an organ shake a church for a change.
06:36 And we know that the Holy Spirit will guide
06:39 our hearts this morning as the Spirit of God
06:41 shakes our thoughts.
06:43 In reference to what I believe is the key to having
06:47 a successful growing church is a family that is
06:51 grounded in Christ.
06:53 Let us bow this morning as we call on the Lord.
06:56 Heavenly Father, we thank You for the privilege of
06:59 opening Your Word this morning.
07:01 Speak to our hearts as we talk about family;
07:03 one of the other blessings You established
07:07 in the Garden of Eden before sin came and marred the world.
07:11 We talk about the Sabbath, which is Your blessed day today.
07:15 And we thank You for the family,
07:16 which is Your blessed institution.
07:19 Cause our hearts to be guided by Your Spirit.
07:21 And, Lord, wherever there is a relationship,
07:24 a marriage, a husband and a wife,
07:26 give them the willing heart to be all that You envisioned
07:29 marriage to be.
07:31 In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
07:34 We'll begin with a text in the book of Genesis.
07:37 In the Garden of Eden God created
07:39 two wonderful institutions.
07:41 And I don't like the word, institution,
07:44 so much when it comes to marriage.
07:45 I like to say, God created two wonderful
07:49 foundational principles.
07:51 Because marriage, when you use the word, institution,
07:54 it sounds like a sentence rather than a blessing.
07:57 But God established the marriage in the Garden of Eden.
08:00 And notice the words of God in the very beginning.
08:23 When God made man and woman, it is as if God divided Himself
08:29 down the middle.
08:31 He created in man the divinity, the maleness
08:36 of His divinity He inserted into man.
08:40 And the femaleness He inserted into woman.
08:43 That's why whenever man and woman is joined together in
08:47 marriage, they complete the image of God in the human race.
08:51 It is not possible for the image of God in the human race
08:55 to be represented in any other way.
08:58 And as we come to the modern setting today in our world,
09:00 it is not possible for man and man to complete
09:04 the image of God in the human race.
09:06 It is not possible for woman with woman to complete
09:10 the image of God in the human race.
09:12 - Can I get an amen, somebody? ~ Amen.
09:14 Even though our society has moved in a completely
09:16 different direction.
09:18 And I'm not shocked.
09:19 Because the world in which we live has moved for
09:22 thousands of years in the opposite
09:25 direction of God's blessing.
09:27 But the church is not called to follow
09:29 the direction of the world.
09:30 The church is called to follow the direction of God.
09:34 So the church should never apologize for being strong
09:38 on a, "Thus saith the Lord."
09:41 That's why God, when He called the church
09:42 to reflect His image, He made this statement.
09:52 And then He gave them a command that Paul the apostle
09:55 makes very clear, as the husband and the wife
09:58 is a reflection of God's relationship with His church.
10:02 Notice these words in Ephesians 5:25.
10:15 The 21st century family is under attack.
10:20 More than ever before.
10:22 And the reason I say, more than ever before, is because
10:24 the devil knows he has a short time.
10:26 He also knows that the church is only as strong as the family.
10:31 My wife and I are going on 35 years of marriage.
10:34 We didn't get here on a bed of ease.
10:37 But one of the challenges today is not that marriages
10:39 are doomed to fail because of challenges,
10:42 but too many times the marriage succumbs to the challenges
10:47 rather than standing on the power of God
10:50 to defeat and be victorious over any challenge.
10:54 The 21st century has come with all of its challenges.
10:57 I saw this... Actually my wife and I...
10:59 So many times she helps me get these little sermon nuggets,
11:02 which I appreciate.
11:03 She gave me this yesterday.
11:05 Think about the 21st century.
11:08 Our phones are wireless; cooking, fireless;
11:11 cars, keyless; food, fatless; tires, tubeless;
11:15 dresses, sleeveless; youth, jobless;
11:19 leaders, shameless; relationships, meaningless;
11:23 attitudes, careless; wives, fearless;
11:26 babies, fatherless; feelings, heartless;
11:29 education, valueless; children, mannerless;
11:32 even though I'm speechless, my hope is endless.
11:35 Amen, somebody.
11:38 The 21st century has come out with its fists balled up.
11:43 The Mike Tyson, the Muhammad Ali of destruction of the family
11:47 has come out swinging.
11:48 And so many families go down because they look more
11:53 at the world's pattern for family than at
11:56 God's pattern for family.
11:57 You could never find outside of God's ideal for marriage
12:01 what God intends to be only in marriage.
12:04 We talked about the Sabbath in our last presentation.
12:07 The Sabbath is a horizontal relationship
12:09 between man and God.
12:11 The marriage... Sorry.
12:12 Vertical relationship between man and God.
12:15 The marriage is a horizontal relationship
12:17 between a husband and wife.
12:20 And you cannot find outside of that relationship
12:22 that God has established.
12:24 It's the oldest institution in the Bible.
12:27 And it is God's plan that wherever the family
12:30 is established, His image will be reflected.
12:33 Not only through the husband, but also through the wife,
12:36 and also through the children.
12:37 Any family based on God's principles in His Word
12:41 will always come to the place where they can reflect
12:43 the blessing of God.
12:45 But on the other side, it is Satan's determined purpose
12:48 to cause the family to be a curse.
12:52 As he tries to violate the Sabbath,
12:55 he also aims at violating the family.
12:58 And today in our world, Lord have mercy,
13:02 the family has to pray harder today
13:04 than at any other time in human history.
13:10 Because this is not the kind of world
13:14 that existed 20 years ago, or 40 years ago,
13:18 or 50 years ago.
13:20 There was a time, you know, when you watched television...
13:23 If you're old enough to remember Ozzie and Harriet.
13:25 I'm not, but I've seen some of those
13:29 black and white shows on YouTube.
13:31 Those were the days when, you know, they showed
13:33 husband and wife, they slept in separate beds.
13:35 Remember that?
13:36 They would never show them in bed together.
13:39 Now that's all they do.
13:43 Sometimes you're watching a family program
13:45 and the commercial is corrupt.
13:47 Sometimes you cannot walk through the mall.
13:49 Sometimes a man that has struggles with sexual issues
13:52 cannot walk through some malls.
13:56 You know what I'm talking about.
13:58 You've got to walk through a mall with a bridle.
14:02 Not a bridal as in a wedding, but a bridle as in a horse.
14:06 And men, you've got to train your eyes not to gawk.
14:17 But when you look at the ideal for God and the family,
14:20 when you look at God's ideal for the family,
14:21 notice what He says in Genesis 2:24.
14:32 One of the first principles of marriage, I learned this,
14:35 is when you are married, do not live with your relatives.
14:44 I hope you have on your seat belts.
14:46 I'm going to come at you this morning.
14:49 Do not live with your relatives.
14:51 Because your father, your wife's mother
14:55 will always be her mother.
14:57 And your husband's mother will always be his mother.
15:01 And ladies, you know about mother-in-law's that...
15:05 Well, I had a beautiful mother-in-law.
15:08 But in some cases you know how that goes.
15:10 I won't even talk about that too much this morning.
15:13 But seven times in the Bible you find the phrase, "one flesh."
15:17 Which means, and I took this, seven times the phrase,
15:21 "one flesh," shows up in the Bible,
15:23 which means, seven is the number of perfection.
15:26 You can only be one flesh if you rely on the perfection of
15:30 God to hold you together.
15:32 You can only be one flesh that way.
15:34 Because the world in which we live is trying to challenge
15:36 the flesh on every side.
15:38 Matthew 19:6 makes it clear.
15:52 Which brings me to my first point this morning.
15:54 Very important.
15:55 Don't give anyone the place that belongs
15:57 only to your spouse.
16:02 Whether at work, whether in your carpool,
16:07 whether in your social setting, don't give anyone the place
16:11 that belongs only to your spouse.
16:14 If people would have forward looking vision.
16:16 Sometimes people might say, "Well, we're just talking."
16:19 Well, you know, that's what Eve and Satan did.
16:21 They just had a conversation.
16:23 Look at where we ended up.
16:25 It just started with a conversation.
16:27 That's why the Bible says and makes it very clear,
16:31 Proverbs 6:23, a powerful passage.
16:33 Are you ready today?
16:35 I hope you are.
17:02 Not even a piece of bread, but a crust of bread.
17:15 You've got to think beyond the moment, men.
17:17 Can I talk to the men today?
17:19 You've got to think beyond the moment, men.
17:21 No amens necessary.
17:23 Because I don't think I'll get many on that point.
17:26 You've got to think beyond the moment.
17:29 Many homes have been completely destroyed
17:32 because somebody fluttered their eyelids
17:36 or gave you the attention that you know you did not deserve.
17:40 And all of a sudden, what God intended to be a blessing
17:43 became an absolute curse.
17:45 And the pain that could have been avoided
17:48 often hangs around longer than you desire
17:49 for it to hang around.
17:51 If she looks good, doesn't mean she is good.
17:54 And if she's not your wife, she ain't good.
18:02 That's why I take my wife everywhere.
18:06 So when you see me hugging somebody in church,
18:08 it's my wife.
18:10 I was invited to a foreign country once, and they told me,
18:12 "Well, we can't afford to bring your wife.
18:14 We can't afford another ticket."
18:16 I said, "Well then cancel me."
18:18 They said, "We can't because you're on the program."
18:20 I said, "Well buy another ticket."
18:21 They said, "Well we can't afford it."
18:23 And I was contending with a strong woman.
18:25 She said, "We cannot afford it.
18:27 But you're on all the posters. You need to be here."
18:29 I said, "Well, I don't care if I'm on the posters.
18:31 Cancel me if you can't pay for my wife."
18:34 Well they paid for her.
18:37 And they said, "What's she going to do?"
18:38 I said, "Be my wife.
18:41 See, after I talk to you guys,
18:42 I need somebody to keep me sane."
18:46 But do not allow what you see to determine what you do.
18:50 Because if the devil knows where your weakness lies,
18:53 he will bring to you exactly what your
18:56 heart is alluring after.
18:59 Notice the Bible. Very clear.
19:01 Can you take this any other way?
19:06 Very... The seventh commandment.
19:10 "You should not commit adultery."
19:12 That means God gave you one wife.
19:15 And if you stay with that one wife
19:16 you'll find joy and happiness forever more.
19:21 Some people think the grass is greener on the other side.
19:23 No, it needs to be mowed too.
19:26 And the sun dries that up.
19:29 And often times we go after somebody that we only
19:31 see during the daytime.
19:32 We don't see their attitudes and all that stuff
19:34 that they deal with.
19:36 But then again, you shouldn't even be concerned about that
19:37 if they're not your wife.
19:43 You guys are awfully quiet today.
19:44 But I'm not asking for amens anyhow.
19:47 Proverbs 6:32
19:55 When you read Proverbs 5 and 6,
19:58 the counsel to husbands, the counsel to young men.
20:02 All through the Scriptures there are so many principles.
20:05 All through the Scriptures.
20:08 Not only, "Be not unequally yoked."
20:10 I hear about young ladies, they say, "Well I can't
20:11 find anybody in the church."
20:13 And I say to them, "Well have you traveled
20:15 all around the world?"
20:18 If you can't find an Adventist young man
20:19 in an Adventist church in Phoenix,
20:21 go to California.
20:23 Go anyplace else, except to be unequally yoked.
20:31 Because the misconception is you're going to find somebody
20:36 that you think you can change, when you cannot change them.
20:39 If you don't like who you are...
20:41 If you don't like who that person is when you find them,
20:43 chances are they're not going to change any time soon.
20:45 And you can't change anybody anyhow.
20:47 But when you step outside of what God intends
20:50 to be a blessing to you, you lack understanding.
20:54 You lack understanding.
20:55 If you look at the Bible, one of the reasons why
20:57 Eve was deceived is she entertained
20:59 her conversation with Satan too long.
21:04 She thought about what he said for so long that
21:07 by the time he said, "You will not surely die,"
21:10 she was already gone.
21:12 And one of the reasons why we often fall into the places
21:15 we do is we think that we won't be the one that gets killed.
21:19 And marriages get killed, trust gets killed,
21:22 love gets killed, strength gets killed.
21:26 So when the devil says, "If you go outside of these confines
21:28 you will not surely die," it is a lie.
21:30 - Amen, somebody. ~ Amen.
21:32 Lack understanding.
21:34 The Bible says in Hebrews 13:4...
21:42 So when God blesses you, hold in high esteem...
21:48 Gentlemen, husbands, single men.
21:52 If you're looking for a wife, pray twice as hard.
21:55 ...hold in high esteem the value God has given to you.
21:59 Because you can never find outside of God's plan
22:03 what God intends only to be in His plan.
22:09 Elders, be careful how much time you spend with a deaconess.
22:18 Church members, a man should not be found
22:23 counseling a woman by himself.
22:26 All she's got to do is cry. That's it.
22:29 Shoulder; next thing you know, "It's going to be alright."
22:33 "Oh, I'm so glad you're here."
22:35 And before you know it, you're outside the Garden of Eden.
22:40 And the angels barring the very blessing
22:42 God intended for you to have.
22:43 But I also want to say this.
22:46 While adultery is a horrible violation of the marriage,
22:53 there is no sin that you could commit that the Lord cannot
22:56 forgive you of.
22:58 It doesn't mean...
23:00 And when you read about adultery in the Bible,
23:01 Moses said that God allowed adultery only because of the
23:04 hardness of someone's heart.
23:06 Divorce. He only allowed divorce because of the
23:09 hardness of someone's heart.
23:10 It was never God's intention for there to be divorce.
23:13 But some people use the word, "divorce,"
23:15 the moment problems arise.
23:17 One of the reasons why marriages fail today is not because
23:20 they don't have problems, or not because they do have problems,
23:24 but because they don't fight through the problems together.
23:29 And so many people fight each other.
23:31 My wife and I have discovered we either win together
23:34 or we lose together.
23:36 You can't fight your wife and win.
23:38 Gentlemen, you'll never win an argument against your wife.
23:41 If you think you've won, it's not over.
23:46 You ever had an argument and think about
23:47 what you should have said later on?
23:53 But I want to show you God's grace.
23:56 One of the most powerful stories in the Bible
23:58 is the woman caught in adultery.
24:01 There's nothing you can commit that God cannot forgive you of.
24:03 Don't go into it with your eyes open thinking that
24:06 God will overlook it though.
24:07 Look at this wonderful story.
24:10 John 8:3-11
24:36 One writer said that Jesus was writing their sin in the sand.
24:43 I'm glad that God does not write our sin in stone.
25:01 Sometimes people spend more time highlighting what
25:03 your problem is than what their problem is.
25:06 And whatever it is, the door hit the nail on the head here.
25:09 But he goes on by saying this...
25:26 The oldest was always the most responsible.
25:42 This is powerful. I want you to get this.
25:44 "Has no one condemned you?"
25:47 Yes they did, but they're not there anymore.
25:57 Now I want you to get something.
25:59 Jesus didn't condemn her.
26:02 He condemned the sin.
26:07 Look at the Bible.
26:08 He forgave her.
26:10 He did not by any means give her permission
26:14 to remain in the sin.
26:16 He said, go and do what? Sin no more.
26:18 Don't let this happen again.
26:20 And when you read the story in the Bible of Mary Magdalene,
26:24 you read that Jesus cast seven demons out.
26:26 In fact, it was the same demon seven times.
26:31 God is a God of grace.
26:32 Somebody ought to say amen.
26:34 He forgave her, but notice what He did not do.
26:37 Romans 8:3
26:47 He didn't condemn the sinner, He condemned the sin.
26:51 Only those who refuse to repent will be condemned in the end.
26:55 Only those who refuse to confess.
26:57 He who confesses and forsakes will have mercy.
27:01 But he who covers his sin will not prosper.
27:04 You cannot remain in sin and think
27:06 that God has overlooked it.
27:07 No, there's a judgment day coming.
27:18 The woman caught in the very act
27:23 was not condemned by God, by Jesus,
27:25 but the act was condemned.
27:27 That's why He said, "Go and do this no more.
27:30 Sin no more."
27:31 And when you think about it, in the book of Luke,
27:34 Jesus speaking about the person out of which
27:40 demons were cast, He said, "Go and sin no more,
27:43 lest a worse thing come upon you."
27:47 What people don't know is, you cannot be in sin
27:50 and play with it like you play with a German Shepherd dog.
27:58 Because it will bite you.
27:59 It will get you.
28:01 Point number two, that's why you have to guard your thoughts.
28:04 Say that with me.
28:05 Guard your thoughts.
28:07 Here's the reason why.
28:08 Whatever your thoughts reflect on is going to
28:10 take over your character.
28:11 Proverbs 4:23
28:27 The first sign of departure from God's Word
28:31 should frighten you enough to say, "Lord, help me."
28:37 But I've discovered, and I've seen in the lives of so many,
28:43 that by the time a person is about ready to fall,
28:46 they have stayed at that tree too long
28:49 and they cannot rescue themselves.
28:53 Guard your thoughts.
28:55 And your thoughts are controlled by what you see.
28:59 Many people don't know.
29:00 And that's why the world we live in today is so provocative.
29:03 It's designed to mess up the mind of a man.
29:08 Men are stimulated by what they see.
29:10 Women are stimulated by touch.
29:14 If you're not married to a particular person,
29:17 don't feel that you have the liberty to walk up to them and
29:19 touch them any way you feel that you want to.
29:22 Just because...
29:23 Watch out that phrase, "Greet your brethren with a holy kiss."
29:26 Most of those kisses are not holy.
29:32 As I wrote down here, the Lord gave this to me,
29:34 keep the issues that will destroy your heart
29:37 out of your mind.
29:38 Keep the issues that will destroy your mind
29:40 out of your heart.
29:41 The heart will not grow fonder where the mind does not wander.
29:49 These destructive thoughts.
29:51 This is a survey that I chose these from.
29:54 Destructive thoughts.
29:58 When things go wrong, don't ever utter those words.
30:02 "Our marriage was a mistake."
30:03 Now in some cases if you choose to marry somebody
30:07 that God never led you to and you're determined
30:09 in spite of all of God's counsel that you're going to take
30:12 that person, that man or that woman,
30:13 just because that's who you want...
30:15 And you've seen so many examples in Scripture.
30:18 Samson was one of those.
30:19 He said to his father, "Get me that woman.
30:21 She pleases me."
30:23 And God said, "That's not the intent.
30:26 Don't marry foreign women."
30:27 Solomon; I think that man is going to need
30:29 counseling throughout eternity.
30:31 Seven hundred wives, three hundred concubines.
30:35 And Ellen White says in the book, Patriarchs and Prophets,
30:38 that Solomon had so many women in his life
30:42 that toward the closing of his life
30:44 he had an effeminate persona.
30:50 It changed the way he talked.
30:52 It changed the ways in his life.
30:54 Even though he repented, he had an effeminate persona
30:57 toward the closing of his life.
30:59 God will forgive you.
31:00 But sometimes you have to live with the result of your choices.
31:04 "I can't take much more of this."
31:05 When you get into an argument, stop saying things that
31:09 you're going to regret.
31:10 Some people don't have a stop in front of their mouths.
31:12 They get all upset, "I'm out of here."
31:14 The next thing you know they are outside and they realize,
31:16 "How did I get out here?"
31:17 Destructive thoughts.
31:19 Some more...
31:23 Yes they do.
31:24 But sometimes if you're insisting your way,
31:26 it may appear as though you're not understood.
31:28 Stop and reason together.
31:30 My wife and I have learned a very important principle.
31:33 When it gets too hot, let's stop and pray.
31:38 I say, "Honey, we're going to win together
31:40 or we're going to lose together."
31:42 And we've gotten to the place, after so many years
31:44 we got to the place in our relationship where we say,
31:47 "You know, I'm really sorry.
31:49 I am really sorry.
31:51 I apologize."
31:53 Through the years we've grown through this.
31:56 Because sometimes we got angry with each other
31:58 and went to bed like 4:00 o'clock in the morning.
32:00 She's at the edge of the bed that way
32:02 and I'm at the edge of the bed that way.
32:04 You know how I'm talking about, right?
32:05 You become stone monuments.
32:06 You don't move, you don't breathe.
32:08 For four hours you haven't taken one breath.
32:10 You can't move because you are determined,
32:12 "I am not going to give in this time.
32:14 I am not going to give in."
32:17 4:00 o'clock in the morning, "You awake?"
32:21 "Yeah, I' awake."
32:24 "I'm sorry."
32:26 "I'm sorry too."
32:29 "It was my fault." "No it was my fault."
32:31 And then you start arguing over whose fault it is.
32:35 "Just would you let it be my fault?"
32:37 "No, it was my fault."
32:38 "I don't want to talk to you anymore."
32:39 Not really, but...
32:41 God will humble the heart who wants to be humbled.
32:44 But if your mind is recalcitrant and you just
32:46 want to win an argument...
32:48 Let me say this to ladies.
32:49 Don't throw anything at me.
32:51 Some women want just to be right.
32:57 Some men want to just be right.
33:00 If you want to win the argument, you may lose the person.
33:07 Some issues are not even the issue.
33:09 It's the attitude in the issue that's often the issue.
33:13 Going on, a few other destructive thoughts.
33:16 "Divorce is always an option."
33:18 No it is not.
33:20 "I'll go home to my mother."
33:24 If she does, don't follow her.
33:27 "Spending time together is not a problem."
33:30 Be careful who you spend too much time with.
33:35 "I saw him smile at her. I saw her smile at him."
33:39 What you saw may not be what you saw.
33:46 The list of the top ten killers.
33:49 Top ten marriage killers: lack of trust, suspicion,
33:52 not being heard, taken for granted,
33:54 growing apart, a don't care attitude,
33:57 divided heart, marital affair, career over family,
34:03 and one of the key ones, no religion in the home.
34:08 You cannot build a marriage that was made by God
34:12 on a foundation where God is missing.
34:15 Am I right?
34:17 God blessed the marriage, but you want to
34:18 have a marriage without God.
34:20 No, that's a contract.
34:22 That's a contract.
34:24 Let me talk to the young people today.
34:25 Or any age, if you fall into this category.
34:28 Point three, don't live together unless married.
34:34 Now older people do this as well as younger people.
34:38 Older people; and I've had some situations.
34:40 My dad, who is now deceased, and his wife,
34:43 neither of them were Christians.
34:45 And they lived together.
34:48 They got married.
34:49 And then they got divorced.
34:51 And I said, "Why did you get divorced?"
34:52 "Well we don't have any issues.
34:53 It's just that we have to divorce because if we're
34:55 married, she'll lose her social security
34:57 and I'll lose my social security."
35:00 Well, you know, it's bigger than that.
35:02 You'll lose your salvation, and she'll lose her salvation.
35:07 So don't get married for financial convenience
35:09 when it's not in harmony with God's will.
35:12 And young people say, "Well, how would we know
35:15 if we're going to work unless we live together first?"
35:18 I was reading a statistic last night.
35:20 And it's so much; I mean, I've been a marriage coach
35:23 for many, many years.
35:24 I was reading a statistic last night, and they said
35:27 about 80% of the marriages...
35:29 And there are various polls.
35:30 You know, not everybody agrees.
35:32 But in this particular poll, 75% to 80% of people that
35:35 live together before they marry don't usually stay married.
35:40 And when you're living together, and you get upset that he or she
35:42 leaves, they have the right.
35:45 Because you don't have any papers on them.
35:47 They could get up at any moment and say, "I'm out of here,"
35:49 and you have no legal recourse.
35:51 Do not live together.
35:53 It is not a blessing and it will never be a blessing,
35:56 because God never intended for you to shack up together.
35:59 Amen, somebody.
36:01 And then there are other people that say,
36:04 "Well, we're not sexually involved.
36:07 We just share an apartment together."
36:11 There was a couple in our church once that...
36:14 I'm going to tell the story.
36:16 I noticed in one of our evangelistic series
36:18 many churches ago...
36:19 So you don't know which one I'm talking about.
36:21 ...and I noticed that both their names were on our
36:25 Revelation seminar list, and they both had the same address.
36:28 And they were both church members.
36:29 And I said, "Wait a minute. They're not married."
36:31 And I asked my leaders, I said, "Is this a typo?"
36:33 They said, "No, they live together."
36:35 And they were leaders in our church.
36:36 I said, "They live together?
36:39 When were you guys going to tell me?"
36:40 "Well, pastor, we didn't want to be a tattletale."
36:42 "So you wanted to bring God's reproach on our church, right?"
36:46 I went to their house the next day.
36:48 I said, "Let me in."
36:52 They said, "We're just sharing an apartment.
36:53 We're not... There's nothing going on here."
36:55 I said, "Come on, guys. Really? Honestly?
36:57 I'm from New York.
37:01 I said, "Okay, I'll tell you what.
37:02 We have a board meeting coming up Sunday.
37:04 You either move out or you get married.
37:06 But you've got just a couple more days."
37:09 Well by Wednesday I didn't hear anything.
37:11 And I went back and visited them.
37:13 I said, "You know, you've got two days before the
37:15 marriage office to get a marriage certificate closes.
37:19 You've got Thursday and Friday.
37:20 We're having a board meeting Sunday.
37:21 Your name will come up."
37:23 They got their marriage license on Thursday,
37:26 they had a wedding on Saturday.
37:27 They got baptized on Saturday. They had the wedding on Sunday.
37:31 And whenever I go back to that church, they say,
37:32 "Pastor," they never forgot that, twenty-seven years later,
37:36 "Pastor, the best thing you could have done
37:39 was tell us to get married.
37:41 Because our daughter is a blessing to us
37:43 ever since we got married."
37:45 Because God will not bless you when you live
37:47 outside of His harmony.
37:49 It won't happen.
37:50 So here's the text for those of you that
37:52 think it doesn't really matter.
38:02 And then when you don't think that anybody thinks it matters,
38:06 abstain from what?
38:10 When two people are walking in the same apartment
38:12 and they're not even married, you mean to tell me that
38:14 the devil won't set traps for you?
38:17 Come on, let's get realistic here.
38:19 You just so happen to just end up in the same living room
38:24 at the same time, and it was a coincidence.
38:28 And all of a sudden the devil says, "It took me some time,
38:30 but I got you there."
38:31 Be careful. And let me tell you something.
38:33 The devil is patient.
38:36 He'll wait.
38:38 He'll wait and he'll work on your mind.
38:40 Because when you stay at the tree of the knowledge
38:42 of evil, the devil is going to orchestrate
38:45 circumstances as to mess up your relationship with God.
38:50 The other one, don't allow your anger to go beyond one day.
38:56 Some people, I don't know about this, there are some couples
38:58 that don't talk for like a week.
39:00 That will never happen in our household.
39:04 That's satanic.
39:06 That's deep satanically born pride.
39:10 That's why the seventh thing that God hates is pride.
39:14 The Bible says...
39:21 Too many people, their minds are not focused on
39:25 what may be best for the other individual.
39:27 So they determine what they want and they build a
39:29 box around themselves and they refuse to come out.
39:33 I know people that have lived together
39:35 and they just have not talked for a long time
39:37 and they act like strangers.
39:39 "How was your day?"
39:40 "How was your day?"
39:42 And they are like at odds.
39:44 Totally in opposite directions when it comes
39:46 to love for each other.
39:47 They act like robots together.
39:49 Let me tell you something.
39:50 When anger gets into your mind and it stays there,
39:53 it will be a cancer that may bring a disease
39:56 on the person that stays angry.
39:59 Many diseases have sprung up in the lives of people
40:01 that could have been avoided, but their anger
40:05 has been their god.
40:07 And instead of getting rid of that anger,
40:09 they have lived with it and now they've got brain cancer
40:12 or some kind of cancer in their body because their anger
40:15 has eaten them up more than anything else.
40:18 I tell you, pride will kill a marriage.
40:27 Don't raise your hand, but I know some of you
40:28 have argued at times.
40:30 Right? We've all argued at times.
40:33 But I tell you what.
40:34 My mother-in-law use to say this, and I never forget this.
40:37 My mother-in-law, my wife's mother, now deceased,
40:39 wonderful mother-in-law.
40:41 She said to her daughter, "If one of you is the fire,
40:44 the other one needs to be the water."
40:49 But that has to be an intentionality on your part.
40:52 That has to be an intentionality on your part.
40:54 And my wife and I have learned...
40:56 No matter how long you've been married,
40:58 you can still learn something.
41:00 Am I right? Come on, husbands.
41:01 Because it is said statistically that every seven months,
41:05 or every seven years, your spouse becomes a new person.
41:09 There are new things that entered her mind,
41:11 her life, her experiences.
41:13 Learn her love language. Learn his love language.
41:16 Sometimes a love language may be spending quality
41:20 and quantity time with each other.
41:22 My wife goes with me everywhere.
41:25 Because when I get older, as Pastor Brooks told my wife
41:28 and I, he said, "When you get older and all you have
41:31 is photos, make sure that both of you are in them."
41:36 There are some pastors I know that travel the world,
41:38 very famous, very visible,
41:39 I don't even know who their spouse is.
41:43 But I love it when people write me an email,
41:45 "Let Angela know I said hello."
41:48 "Tell John I said hello."
41:49 It's the John and Angie ministry.
41:51 Amen, somebody.
41:53 God didn't just call me. He called my wife too.
41:55 I could not be who I am if God did not give me
41:57 the godly woman that He gave.
41:59 Quality time, affirmation, acts of service,
42:02 and physical touch.
42:03 Sometimes we're...
42:04 You know, here during the meetings I'm busy as...
42:07 Man, I tell you, the word, "busy," is an understatement.
42:10 But I look at my wife and I see her over there,
42:12 and I'll walk over to her, and she says,
42:14 "My love cup is empty. Can I get a hug?"
42:18 And we have this song that comes over.
42:19 It's a song that talks about no matter how old you get,
42:22 you know, we will dance in the sun or in the pouring rain.
42:27 And when our steps get slow, and time goes on,
42:31 we will still hold each other and we will dance.
42:34 Now I'm not talking about carnal dancing.
42:38 But there's no sin to hold your wife or your husband
42:41 and just embrace her or him and say,
42:43 "I need that."
42:45 So much could be resolved if you would just
42:48 take time and embrace each other.
42:50 And relish the thing that God has given you.
42:53 You cannot light a candle if the flame is all the way over here.
42:58 You've got to bring that flame close and warm that heart.
43:01 And so many problems could dissipate with one embrace
43:04 and a heart that has allowed pride to be put to death.
43:08 Let's go to the next one.
43:09 Develop an eye for your spouse.
43:17 As I travel sometimes, my wife is with me,
43:19 we sometimes go places, and I'd say, "Honey,
43:24 that woman is too friendly."
43:27 She says, "I sense the same thing."
43:32 When you see that somebody is looking at you too long
43:35 or being too overly nice and kind to you,
43:38 and you're married, watch out.
43:43 No amens necessary.
43:47 I said to my wife, "Honey, hold onto me.
43:49 I may not look like Arnold Schwarzenegger now
43:51 but I will in eternity.
43:55 I promise you that.
43:57 Hold on till the next version comes along.
44:01 Please don't leave me because I look like I'm wasting away."
44:06 And she said, "Honey, I love you no matter what you look like."
44:09 That's why we have to fall in love with
44:11 things that do not change.
44:12 Because I tell you, there were those days when
44:15 your husband had ripples,
44:16 now they're just flailing in the wind.
44:21 But love him anyhow.
44:22 Am I right?
44:23 And no matter what color your wife's hair is,
44:25 love her through every shade.
44:29 That's why I decided I'm letting my hair turn gray.
44:32 My wife loves my gray hair even though sometimes
44:34 she says color it black.
44:36 She even did a survey on Facebook,
44:38 "How many think my husband should color his hair?"
44:40 I was so happy when the people said, "Let him leave it gray."
44:45 Develop an eye for your own spouse.
44:47 Because here's the point.
44:48 When you think the grass is greener, it's artificial turf.
44:53 You ought to know that in Phoenix.
44:56 It's artificial turf. Ain't no life in it.
45:05 You know what that means?
45:07 An immoral woman will tell you what you want to hear.
45:10 "Oh, you so fine. You so handsome."
45:14 And you know you ain't all that.
45:16 But she just tells you that 'cause she's trying to trap you.
45:20 Like Delilah said to Sampson,
45:21 "Tell me where your strength lies."
45:23 And you want to shake him in the story.
45:24 Have you ever wanted to like hit him?
45:26 "Sampson, come on. Wake up."
45:29 "Tell me where your strength lies."
45:30 The devil wants to find out where your strength is
45:32 and sever your tie with God.
45:40 The woman you think that likes you will cut you down.
45:47 Let the Bible be clear.
45:51 Lord have mercy, the Scriptures are full of knowledge.
45:54 Number six, don't nag your mate.
45:58 I thank God I don't have a wife like that.
46:02 Let me let the Bible speak.
46:04 Because I could really go off on this one.
46:07 Proverbs 21:19
46:21 Let the Bible speak.
46:22 I need to guard my own lips today.
46:25 Proverbs 27:15
46:33 Chinese water torture.
46:36 If your wife's lips, read what Ellen White says,
46:38 if the lips and the heart of a wife is not converted,
46:41 she could bring her husband down.
46:44 But it's not just women that are that way.
46:46 Some men have the same issue.
46:49 Proverbs 26:21
46:59 Some men just want to fight.
47:03 Pray for those men that don't have God in their lives.
47:06 They just want to fight.
47:07 They cannot let their wives have peace.
47:09 They walk through the door, they're ready to fight.
47:12 Be a peacemaker.
47:14 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called
47:18 the children of God."
47:20 Don't think you always have to win an argument.
47:23 And stop harping on stuff all the time.
47:25 One guy said he thinks his wife is an angel.
47:27 She's always harping on something.
47:35 That's through the years of counseling people.
47:38 Number seven, children...
47:40 You thought I forgot the children, didn't you?
47:42 ...honor and obey your parents.
47:44 Can the parents say amen?
47:46 Today, children are flat out unruly.
47:51 And society has made giving them a spanking
47:55 a ten year sentence in jail.
47:57 I tell you what.
48:00 I was raised in a West Indian home.
48:03 Did say a mouthful just now?
48:05 In West Indian homes, some of those cultural homes,
48:10 my other knew that my bottom was not just for sitting.
48:16 And if that didn't work, I remember once
48:18 I stepped out of line and she made my...
48:20 She had a birthday party for me and I had to sit in my room
48:23 and watch people blow my birthday out.
48:25 Birthday cake out, candles out.
48:28 I tell you, sometimes punishment hurts worse
48:31 than a whipping.
48:33 Nowadays you say to kids, "Go to your room,"
48:35 that's exactly what they want.
48:37 They've got a computer, television, phone.
48:41 They probably want you to put them in there
48:43 for a five year sentence.
48:44 They don't really want to talk to you.
48:47 Am I telling the truth?
48:49 So children, honor your parents.
48:52 Here's the reason why.
48:53 There's a promise that many kids miss.
48:56 Exodus 20:12
49:03 Some children die before they should because
49:05 they despise their parents.
49:08 In old Bible times when a kid was a despising
49:11 ruling in his family, they'd stone him.
49:15 Take him down... "We don't need that kid.
49:16 You can stone him."
49:19 If that was happening today...
49:22 "How many kids do you have now?"
49:26 "How many do you have now?" "Four."
49:33 But the child is the one that's robbing himself or herself
49:35 when they are rude.
49:37 They don't know that your parents have
49:38 been where you think you're headed.
49:41 And for those of you who think that you're smarter
49:43 than your parents, you need a check-up from the neck up.
49:47 That was a New York term, by the way.
49:50 Ephesians 6:1, "Children, obey your parents
49:53 in the Lord, for this is right."
49:55 The key is, "in the Lord."
49:57 If your parents are telling you to do something that
49:59 is not godly, don't do it.
50:01 Because some parents will get their kids to
50:03 sell and buy drugs.
50:05 There are some corrupt parents in the world.
50:07 "Obey your parents," the principle, "in the Lord,
50:11 for this is right."
50:13 Colossians 3:20
50:21 I've often thought to myself, how can we say,
50:25 "My Father, which art in heaven,"
50:27 if our father on earth is an evil man?
50:31 You know, that messes up a child as they grow up.
50:34 They come to meet God and they think about the
50:36 kind of relationship they had with their dad.
50:38 And because He was evil they can't even call God
50:40 their Father.
50:41 Husbands, be careful how you raise your children.
50:47 If you're a godly man, may you be the first lord they know.
50:53 Your thoughts, your actions, the way you love them,
50:55 the way you guide them,
50:57 let them see God in the way you train them.
50:59 Here's what the Bible says.
51:13 And here's what I've learned.
51:15 When I left the church as a young man
51:17 and I went out into the world, the things that Mama Haynes
51:22 taught me when I was young,
51:24 when she died and I was only 12 years old,
51:27 when I turned 13 and left the church and went out into
51:29 the world, there were certain things I just could not do.
51:32 Because those seeds were so deeply planted in me
51:35 I just couldn't do it.
51:37 I just couldn't do it.
51:40 Because I could her mama saying, "Now, now, now."
51:42 "Train up a child in the way they should go."
51:46 And stop trying to be your child's friend,
51:49 and be their parent.
51:52 Some parents want to be their friend.
51:54 "My daughter and I are good friends."
51:55 That may be right, but if you put friendship above parenting
51:59 then you're in the wrong category.
52:01 Some parents say, "I don't want to get them mad because
52:03 they may not talk to me."
52:08 Don't let me... Anyway.
52:11 If they need some time to think about who the parent is,
52:14 it may do them well.
52:18 Some kids don't know that the parent is the one that
52:21 gave them life.
52:24 And the reason this is so important to me,
52:26 I'm going to invite Tim to come up,
52:27 the reason why this is so important to me,
52:29 I have two more points,
52:31 the reason why this is so important to me,
52:32 my mom and dad abandoned me at three months old.
52:36 Left me in the home of an Adventist babysitter.
52:38 God allowed my life to begin as a tragedy
52:41 so it could wind up as a blessing.
52:43 I know what it's like to be wanted,
52:46 and I know what it's like to not be wanted.
52:48 So I don't have issues when it comes to fathers and mothers.
52:51 God gave me one that loved me. And praise God for that.
52:55 I've got to get to the end of this.
52:57 Let there be joy in your home daily.
52:59 Every day my wife and I laugh.
53:02 Either at each other or at maybe one of you.
53:07 We find something to laugh about.
53:11 The Bible says...
53:17 Too many sad people.
53:19 Some of you need to go back to your younger years
53:22 and remember when you were young you smiled.
53:25 Stop being so sour and all dried out.
53:30 Stop being so stoic.
53:32 Nothing to smile about.
53:34 Short life.
53:35 Your blood doesn't even pump
53:37 when there's no joy in your home.
53:39 Walking around, just can't even loosen up.
53:46 And my last point.
53:47 Make Jesus the center of your marriage and your family.
53:52 The Bible makes it very clear. Matthew 22:37-39
54:08 These two young people...
54:12 My wife and I on the left, 1983.
54:14 My wife and I on the right, 2008 when we
54:16 celebrated our 25th anniversary.
54:18 This year is going to be our 35th.
54:21 Let me tell you something.
54:23 We were clueless in the left.
54:26 We are wise in the right. Amen?
54:30 Let me tell you something.
54:31 We're going to do a seminar many months down at a camp meeting
54:34 later on at one of the conferences.
54:36 And it's entitled, To Have and To Hold On.
54:40 Not just to have and to hold, but to have and to hold on.
54:43 I have a beautiful wife.
54:47 But she's going to be the prettiest woman in eternity.
54:51 Because she's the prettiest woman in my life.
54:52 Amen, somebody?
54:55 Tim, give me a minute.
54:57 I've got to tell them a closing story.
55:01 A couple sitting on the couch after 50 years.
55:06 And she says, "Honey, do you remember when you use to
55:10 whisper sweet nothings in my ear?"
55:14 And so in the midst of his recalcitrant television viewing,
55:17 he slid over closer to her and started whispering in her ear.
55:21 Honey, I'm going to do something out of the ordinary.
55:23 Would you come up here, please? Come on up and join me.
55:25 Come on up and join me.
55:27 I keep talking about my lovely wife,
55:29 I want the world to see who that is.
55:32 And then she said, "Remember when you use to,
55:35 when you use to hug me closely?"
55:38 And so then he put his arm around his wife
55:40 and hugged her closely.
55:43 Come on sweetheart. Hugged her closely.
55:46 Isn't she lovely.
55:50 That applies to her.
55:51 And then, you know, he started speaking nicely in her ear
55:55 and hugging her.
55:57 And then she said, "I remember when you use to
55:59 nibble on my ear."
56:01 And he got up and ran.
56:04 And she said, "Where are you going?"
56:06 He said, "I'm going to get my teeth.
56:07 I'll be right back."
56:14 The woman that God gave to me is the woman I love
56:16 to this very day.
56:18 Tim is going to play a song, As For Me and My House.
56:22 As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
56:25 Are there husbands and wives here today?
56:26 I'm talking to the viewing audience.
56:29 If the Lord has given you a spouse, a husband,
56:33 God has given you a wife,
56:35 wife, God has given you a husband,
56:36 love that man as if he's the only man on the earth.
56:41 Husband, love that wife as if she's the
56:44 only woman on the earth.
56:45 Because when you do it the way that God intends,
56:48 eternity will prove to be an eternal blessing.
56:51 And this world will become the blessing that God
56:53 always intended it to be.
56:55 May the declaration be, "As for me and my house,
56:58 we will serve the Lord."
57:00 I'm going to challenge you there.
57:01 But Tim, just sing that chorus for us together.
57:04 ~ We stand here together...
57:06 Husbands and wives, please stand.
57:08 ...as a family; we join hands together
57:15 lifting praises to our Father above
57:22 for sending His Son.
57:26 God bless you. Until we see you again.