Participants:
Series Code: PUP
Program Code: PUP000007A
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00:01 Justina, what are you doing?
00:03 I'm working on a science project 00:04 that's due tomorrow. 00:06 Tomorrow? 00:07 You're always doing your homework late. 00:10 Jared, why don't you ever have any homework? 00:13 I've done my homework at school. 00:14 Wait... I mean, we didn't have any. 00:17 No, I know you would say that. 00:19 That's why I got a call from your teacher 00:21 telling me about your five missing assignments. 00:23 Oh, yeah. I forgot about those. 00:25 I did all the rest of them. 00:27 We don't have homework every day, 00:29 that's why I keep forgetting, dad. 00:30 Yeah. 00:31 Now, who do you think you are, Mae Jemison or somebody? 00:34 You're not any good at anything, 00:35 so I know you can't possibly be good at science. 00:37 And, Jared, you're always talking about 00:39 you don't have any homework. 00:41 You're just like your dad and brother. 00:42 He always, I would say, he didn't have any homework, 00:44 and he flunked out. 00:46 I am getting an A in science, 00:48 and I could be the next Mae Jemison. 00:50 And I keep telling you stop working on your homework 00:53 all late and everything. 00:55 You're gonna end up just like your mother's sister, 00:58 late on everything, and then when things 01:00 don't work out for her, she gets mad. 01:03 I don't know why you're laughing. 01:05 You don't even do your homework, 01:06 so you can't get no late work. 01:08 See, she's mad now. Exactly, dad. 01:11 Girl, I know this possibly can't be any good now 01:14 what you're working on, it's so late. 01:16 Well, I don't know what you're talking about. 01:18 She gave it to us on Monday, and it's only Tuesday, 01:20 and it's due Wednesday, so I'll get it finished. 01:23 Excuse us. Excuse us. 01:24 There's no reason to start your homework late, 01:27 and you want to be a scientist. 01:29 I don't know how you can. You a scientist? 01:31 I don't think so. Yeah, I don' think so. 01:34 Justina. 02:14 Thank you so much for allowing us 02:15 to put the camera in your home 02:17 so that we could capture what's going on. 02:19 You see that foolishness in that house? 02:21 I did. I did. Just a bunch of mess. 02:23 But before we go to that, tell me what's going on now. 02:28 Pretty much the same thing. 02:29 I mean, you know what, the children are so lazy. 02:31 And then, our daughter, 02:33 she talks about she wants to be a scientist. 02:35 And she doesn't even 02:36 get her work in on time half the time, 02:38 or she just starts so late. 02:39 I mean, okay, she does get it in on time sometimes. 02:42 But she starts working on it late, 02:43 our son doesn't even bring home homework, 02:45 so I don't know what's going on with him at school. 02:47 Yeah. He doesn't bring home homework? 02:49 No. No. No! 02:51 He always has an excuse about it. 02:53 I see. 02:55 Perhaps, you guys weren't 02:56 really interacting with him in the video. 03:00 Yeah, 'cause it bothers me 03:02 when I hear excuses from people, 03:04 especially from him, he knows what I am asking for, 03:07 he knows what I need from him, 03:09 he knows what he's supposed to be doing in school, 03:11 but he always has a quick little answer 03:13 just to push me off, and that really gets me angry. 03:16 So I just rather not even talk to him. 03:19 So when you get angry, what happens after that? 03:21 Sometimes I will say the wrong things, 03:25 and sometimes I just tell them to get out of my face. 03:26 You do that a lot. 03:28 Okay. So most often, you really don't deal with it too much? 03:31 No. Okay. Okay. 03:33 Can you see in the video 03:35 anything that you may have done 03:37 that can contribute to the problem? 03:40 Telling them to do the homework and being on time? 03:42 Yeah, that's what they need to be doing. 03:44 I agree. Get your homework done on time. 03:46 I agree with that. 03:48 You know, we were kind of making fun of her 03:51 for being a scientist... 03:52 Wanting to be a scientist. Yeah. 03:54 I mean... 03:55 At this rate, she's not going to be a scientist. 03:57 How do you know what she's going to be? 03:59 So what do you think she is going to be? 04:02 She's going to be poor. Yep. 04:04 She's going to be unmarried. Yep. 04:05 'Cause who's gonna put up with that? 04:07 No. Nope. She'd be right in our house. 04:08 Okay. 04:10 No, she's never going to be in our house. 04:11 She might be at your house, 04:12 but she's not gonna be at our house. 04:14 She doesn't do anything for herself. 04:18 I don't see how she is going to be able to go to school, 04:21 go to college, and learn on of her own, 04:23 and be self-motivated, and get her own place. 04:25 She's going to be stuck 04:27 right there in the house with us. 04:28 No, with you. 04:29 So what kind of grades is she making? 04:33 Horrible. 04:34 No, actually, she does pretty good at school. 04:37 Some of them are okay, but there are some other ones. 04:40 She can improve on some of those other grades. 04:42 Okay. 04:43 Give me a clear understanding on what her grades are like? 04:46 Well, like she's talking about being a scientist 04:48 and some of those grades, 04:49 some of the homework that she does, 04:51 she's just not motivated to get it done quickly. 04:55 She's always doing something else. 04:57 And so, when I asked her about it, like in the video. 04:59 But she's pulling a B plus though in science, 05:01 now I do have to say that. 05:02 Just like I asked her in the video, 05:03 she just wants to put it off. 05:05 She thinks that, "You know what, 05:07 it was given to me on Monday, and it's due on Wednesday, 05:10 and I can get it done Tuesday night or whatever." 05:12 Why wait to the last minute? Okay. Okay. 05:15 But what grades is she getting? 05:18 Is she getting like straight F's, straight D's? 05:21 No, she's not getting any F's. No, it's not that bad. 05:23 Okay, D's? How about D's? No. 05:26 She's mostly pulling B's, B plus. 05:30 She got one C. Okay. 05:33 Any A's? No. 05:36 Okay, so she's a B plus student right about now, 05:39 you would say that? 05:40 Yeah. On average, I guess. Okay. 05:42 Oh, okay. Okay. 05:43 Well, I didn't know that B plus wasn't good. 05:46 Well, she could do a lot better. 05:47 I just don't like excuses. Oh, okay. Okay. 05:49 Well, you know what, he is a perfectionist, 05:50 so, you know... 05:52 Yeah. Okay. 05:53 He wants her to get A plus, A plus plus. 05:54 There's nothing wrong wanting my children to do better. 05:57 Is there something wrong with that? 05:59 Nothing at all is wrong with you wanting your children 06:02 to do better. 06:03 And the question is, how do you get that? 06:06 That's right. That's the big question. 06:08 But I am interested in 06:12 what your prediction for her life. 06:16 You think, she is going to be at home with you 06:18 and doing what? 06:21 I don't know. I just... 06:23 There are things that I would like to see her do, 06:26 and every suggestion I give, she just blows it off. 06:30 And I think that really ticks me off, 06:31 I think that's really where I am. 06:34 You know, to me, a scientist, these days, 06:36 and especially when she gets to be the age 06:38 that she would be a scientist, 06:40 you kind of have to be really self-motivated 06:42 and just kind of out there on the cutting edge 06:44 because science is moving forward so fast. 06:46 So how old is she? She's 12. 06:48 Oh, okay. Okay. 06:50 So I want you ask you, so she is... 06:53 You think she's not self-motivated? 06:55 I am going back to that picture, 06:56 that you guys had a very specific picture of her 07:00 that she was going to be at home 07:01 for the rest of her life, 07:03 she wasn't going to get married, 07:05 have you guys said any of that to her too? 07:07 Oh, yeah. 07:09 I guess probably slipped out a couple of times. 07:11 Okay. So you said... Yeah. 07:12 I did tell her nobody's going to marry her. 07:14 Okay. You told her that? 07:16 Okay. All right. 07:18 Have you ever heard of a life script? 07:22 No. A life what? 07:23 Script. Okay. No. 07:25 So this is based on... 07:29 It's a biblical principle. Okay. 07:31 And the Bible says and God spoke, and it was so. 07:35 And the Bible says, 07:37 "The tongue can cut 07:42 as well as it can heal," right? 07:45 So what we're doing is creating in her mind 07:49 what her life is going to be like. 07:51 Think about that. 07:53 You're creating in your mind 07:54 what your life is going to be like too 07:57 without even realizing it. 07:59 So you are saying to her, 08:00 "You are never going to get married, 08:02 basically nobody's gonna want you." 08:04 And you are saying to her that she is lazy, 08:05 "You're gonna always live in my house," 08:07 and then you were saying though, 08:08 "No, not my house, in your house," 08:10 which means you're not going to even be there. 08:14 Do you get what you are saying? 08:16 Did you realize what you were saying? 08:17 Yeah. Yeah. I realize what she was saying. 08:20 I'm not sure whose house she is talking about. 08:22 I'm talking about my house, you got another house, 08:25 where did you get your other house from? 08:26 No, I'm saying if you think she's going to be still at home 08:29 when she is 25 years old, 08:31 then you must be in a house that you're going to be in. 08:32 I don't see her making that move. 08:34 Okay. Right. 08:36 Because you can't see it, 08:39 you know what, she can't either. 08:43 You're giving her a visual, a picture of her future. 08:48 Every time you say, 08:49 "You're not going to be a science... 08:52 A scientist." I'm sorry. 08:53 Every time you say to her, 08:54 "You're not going to get married 08:56 or no one is going to want to marry you." 08:58 Or, you know, "You won't be able to live in my house." 09:01 What are you really saying to her? 09:03 And how... 09:05 That she needs to grow up and get a job? 09:06 Well, yeah. She's only 12 first of all. 09:11 Let that soak in. 09:13 And we're talking about another 12 to 15 years 09:17 if we're talking about 25 or some, right? 09:21 Okay. Okay. So... 09:23 He's talking about 25. Okay. 09:25 What are you talking about? 18. 09:27 Okay. 09:29 So really at 18, she is going to be self-supporting, 09:31 completely self-supporting? 09:33 Well, I was like completely self-supporting at that point. 09:36 But, I mean, she needs to be in school somewhere. 09:38 Imagine this, imagine, picture this, 09:43 you have a boulder to push, it's all uphill. 09:48 A boulder, we're not talking about 09:50 a little brick that you can carry but a boulder. 09:55 But, in front of that, 09:57 the people who are supposed to be helping you with that, 09:59 they sit on top of the boulder. 10:02 And tell you, "Don't let us fall off 10:04 and skin our knees 10:06 while you're rolling this up the hill." 10:08 I can almost imagine 10:10 that stress and pressure she is on... 10:11 She is trying to say, "I want to be a scientist." 10:15 She's screaming that. 10:16 And you're saying to her, "You're not going to be." 10:23 Okay. And almost... 10:26 You were telling me that she is not going to be. 10:29 And I'm just, you know, I don't even know, 10:31 I haven't met her. 10:33 Gotcha. 10:34 Are you understanding what I'm saying? 10:36 Yeah, when you put it like that. 10:38 You can give a life script for good or for evil. 10:42 You have to watch what you say. 10:44 If you say, she is just like your aunty 10:47 who puts things off, blah, blah, blah, 10:49 that's a clear visual for her. 10:51 Clear visual, and some of us... 10:53 You know, my grandmother used to say, 10:54 "Don't put words in the air that...", 10:55 'cause, you know, you kind of, 10:57 "It makes it a prediction almost." 11:00 Well, in this case, you have to realize, 11:02 there's two parts of your brain, 11:04 you have the conscious and subconscious. 11:06 And the subconscious is always listening, 11:09 and it will act upon what is hearing. 11:12 You say it enough, she will begin to believe it. 11:15 "Oh, I'm not going to be a scientist. 11:17 I'm not going to be anything. Why am I trying? 11:20 You know, I'm worthless." 11:22 Because essentially, 11:23 that's what she is hearing everyday. 11:28 And why is she hearing that? 11:30 Because, like all 12-year-olds, 11:32 she puts things off to the last minute. 11:35 Most 12 year olds do it and most adults do it. 11:37 Yeah, and I'm trying to get her not to do that. 11:40 Okay, so then we have to find a better way, all right? 11:44 Okay. 11:45 So, first of all, let's look at what goes... 11:47 And, you know, it's interesting, 11:49 it really struck me that this young man 11:51 who is doing worse than she is was sitting in the background 11:55 and nothing was being addressed about him. 11:58 Well, he wasn't saying he wanted to be anything 12:00 or do anything though. 12:01 I really don't think he wants to do any. 12:03 Isn't that interesting? 12:05 Because she verbalized a desire to do well, 12:10 she gets a whole lot of negative feedback. 12:17 He has learned, don't say anything, 12:19 don't want anything, 12:21 and then you're not held accountable for anything. 12:26 Well, I just... 12:28 I don't know, I want him just out of my face sometimes. 12:32 It irritates me with the things that come out of his mouth, 12:34 and so he just removes himself. 12:36 But remember, we're Christian parents, 12:38 you are Christian parents, you have a greater goal. 12:42 It's not just this earthly world. 12:44 We're looking at eternal life. 12:46 So we can't just discord him because, 12:49 "Well, he is displeasing us and the things of this world. 12:53 We have to work with him 12:55 so that he can be ready for Jesus." 12:58 A higher calling. 13:00 If he is given up on life already, 13:01 and he is how old? 13:03 He's 15. 13:05 Already, he has learned not to want anything, 13:07 not to share with anybody any hopes and desires, 13:11 what's going to happen? 13:12 You're thinking about her living in your house, 13:14 she may become just determined 13:17 to get out even if she has to live on the streets, 13:19 but him, he may not care one way or another. 13:24 So we have to find a way, 13:26 a better way to motivate and to give a better life 13:30 script to both of the kids. 13:31 Okay. All right. 13:33 So what's the goal? What do we want to do? 13:36 Well, first of all, he needs to learn 13:38 how old his son is 'cause his son is not 15. 13:40 Is he? No, he is not. 13:42 Okay, thank goodness. 13:44 How old is he? He is 12. 13:46 I'm sorry, no. He is 11. 13:48 Oh, okay. 13:50 So he is actually younger than she is? 13:51 You know what? Yes, he's younger. 13:52 Yeah, whatever, whatever. Okay. 13:54 You were rushing him hard 13:55 trying to tear him out of the house. 13:56 He needs to get out of my house. 13:58 Okay, but, you know, that's a good thing 13:59 because 11 is more time for us to work with, 14:02 and that's really, really good and stuff. 14:04 And it's simple, God uses the simple things 14:07 to confound the minds of men. 14:08 He's not going to make it difficult for you, 14:10 and God is working with you, okay? 14:12 All right, so what are your goals? 14:14 Give me a goal? 14:17 I want these children to understand 14:18 how important it is, 14:20 we put them in school and the things 14:21 that we try to motivate them to do, 14:23 I really want them to understand 14:25 how important life is, 14:27 and it's hard out there to get a job. 14:29 You just can't, just fall off the sky. 14:32 So we're trying to show them and get them in a position 14:35 to be able to get that good career. 14:37 I'm not taking care of them all of my life. 14:39 So you want to put them in a position 14:41 to get a good career? 14:42 Yes. Yes. Okay. 14:44 And take care of themselves. 14:45 And take care of themselves when they're adults? 14:47 Yes. Okay. 14:49 And one more goal. Let's get one more goal. 14:52 You got something? 14:56 I want them to be able to go to one of our academies, 15:03 you know, and do well there 15:05 because they have to be prepared for the... 15:06 You know how much money that is? 15:08 And if they're going to do, 15:09 I need them to really, really work hard. 15:12 I don't mind paying for her but she better work hard. 15:13 I want them to go to one of our academies. 15:15 And I want them to graduate from there 15:16 'cause you make lifelong friends there, 15:18 you know what I'm saying? 15:20 I mean, It's just a whole different world. 15:22 Okay. 15:24 Also there may be some spiritual development there. 15:27 So we can look at them and say they're completely 15:29 where they need to be when they leave home, 15:31 but they may get there. 15:32 We don't know what experiences 15:34 they need to get to where they need to go, okay? 15:36 And I also remember, these are your goals, 15:38 we really need to tap into what their goals are, 15:41 what would they like for their futures, okay? 15:44 All right, so the first thing 15:46 we want to do is teach our children 15:47 to get them to where you want them to be. 15:51 We all need to be on the same page, 15:53 they need to want to do. 15:55 She's already saying, "I want to be a scientist." 15:56 You're halfway there with her, 15:58 all you have to do is work with her 16:01 on becoming a scientist. 16:02 What kind of things can you do with her 16:04 to help her become a scientist? 16:07 Her science fair project, she asked. 16:09 Okay. 16:10 You can help her with her science fair project, okay? 16:11 Yeah, we can do that. We can do that. 16:13 You know, and then sometimes, how about the science center, 16:15 it's wonderful. 16:16 Oh, it is. It's free too. 16:19 Yes, it is. Okay. 16:20 So the science center is another thing, okay. 16:23 And then, you know, you can use on your Sabbath days, 16:26 why not take a nature walk and that's science too. 16:31 Okay. 16:32 You know, so that's a scientific thing 16:34 for you to deal as well. 16:36 Okay. 16:37 So that's her, she's halfway there. 16:39 She already has a goal, all you have to do 16:42 is get behind the boulder 16:45 and help her push up the hill, okay? 16:47 We're out of time today, 16:49 and I'm sorry we have to end this so quickly, 16:52 but in our next session, 16:54 we hope to try some of these strategies 16:57 on both of them, please. 16:58 And we really need to work with him 17:00 because he has to have goals as well. 17:03 I agree. Okay. 17:05 And we're going to talk in our next session 17:06 about how to actually give a life script, all right? 17:09 All right. Okay. 17:10 Thank you for coming here today. 17:12 All right. 17:15 Wow! You guys seem a lot more content right now. 17:18 And you seem happier. We really are. 17:20 We are. Okay, so what's going on? 17:22 What has changed? 17:25 Less yelling, more calm environment in the house. 17:28 Okay. 17:29 Less negativity, you know, overall. 17:32 All right. 17:33 And these are changes that you made? 17:35 Yes. 17:36 Okay, we have a new start with the kids, huh? 17:39 Oh, okay, well, thanks for allowing us 17:40 to put the camera in your home, 17:42 let's take a look at the video that we have for you. 17:45 Let's see what's going on. 17:48 Justina, what you're doing? 17:49 I am working on a science project 17:51 that's due tomorrow. 17:52 Oh, wow! 17:54 That's sounds great, 17:55 especially since you want to be a scientist. 17:57 Yes, honey, you're really good at science. 17:59 You're pulling an A in that class, aren't you? 18:01 Yes, but actually, I'm getting an A plus 18:05 and Jaden's only getting an A. 18:08 My little scientist, elementary school, 18:11 then high school, then onto college, 18:14 grad school, and then the lab, right? 18:16 Yes, dad, I can hardly wait. 18:18 Wow! Jared, what are you doing? 18:21 Nothing, just chilling. 18:23 So why aren't you doing your homework? 18:26 We don't have any homework today, 18:27 so I can just chill. 18:28 Yes, we know, you've been just chilling 'cause, you know, 18:31 I've got a call from your teacher today, and she said, 18:33 you're missing five assignments. 18:35 I forgot and left those at school. 18:37 Yeah, I know. 18:38 That's why we got the phone call. 18:40 So I went by the school to pick them up, so no TV, 18:43 no games, no computer, 18:46 until that homework's done, okay? 18:48 But dad, I forgot for real. 18:50 Yes, we know you forgot for real. 18:52 So in the future when you do that again, 18:54 and you don't bring your homework home from school, 18:57 I'm gonna have some homework 18:58 right here at home for you to do 18:59 every single day after school, you understand me? 19:04 Honey, I thought we could 19:05 all go to the science center this weekend. 19:07 They have a lot of nice hands on projects 19:09 for the family to do. 19:11 Really? Oh, man. That sounds great! 19:13 They also have some new exhibits too. 19:15 But, Jared honey, 19:16 you will not to be going if you don't get those 19:18 homework assignments completed and turned in. 19:21 Yes, ma'am. 19:23 You guys have done a great job! 19:26 Wow! Right. It takes a lot of work. 19:28 Did you see the difference between 19:30 the first clip and this one? 19:32 I did. Yes. 19:34 Wow! Oh, my goodness. 19:35 And you even dealt with the real problem, 19:39 you addressed he's not doing homework. 19:41 Right, and I was glad 19:43 'cause it really angered me before, 19:46 but I calmed down and just gave him some rules. 19:51 If you don't do this, this is what will happen. 19:53 He needs to see the consequences. 19:55 I guess without me yelling at him too. 19:57 Right. That is so nice. 19:59 And you know what, those consequences fit. 20:02 I love that you stopped by the school 20:04 and picked up those homework assignments. 20:06 He had no clue you were picking up homework assignments. 20:08 Right, he thought he could get away with it 20:10 and just keep continuing to say, 20:12 "I don't have it or I forgot it," 20:14 those excuses again. 20:16 Well, I took another step ahead of that and said, 20:19 "No, I'll get those assignments." 20:20 Nice, nice. 20:22 And I love it, mom, you said 20:23 he will have homework every night 20:26 because you will have some for him. 20:27 Yes. Yes. 20:29 Very nice. 20:30 Yes, and I even started asking his teachers to email me 20:33 when he has homework assignments, so we'll know. 20:36 And we'll go pick them up. Right. 20:38 That is very nice. 20:40 So, but we're going to have to get to the root of that, 20:42 but for right now, that was really good, 20:45 very creative on your part. 20:47 And I'd have to say God did. 20:49 Don't you think the Spirit of God there, picture that? 20:51 Absolutely. I think so. 20:52 So you can see when we allow self to move out the way 20:56 on the anger, frustration, aggravation, 20:58 then the Holy Spirit can step in 20:59 and do more for us, right? 21:00 Exactly, right. That is so nice. 21:03 So what strategies did you like best? 21:06 I saw one that I really liked, 21:07 but which one did you like best? 21:09 One thing that I thought about was explaining to them, 21:12 "If you do this, then these things will happen." 21:16 So if you start explaining positive things 21:19 to get this work done, 21:21 if you get that done, then you can enjoy some things. 21:23 You know, he could go to the science fair with us 21:26 or to the science, 21:28 you know, with us if he got these things done. 21:29 Instead of just saying a lot of negative things 21:32 and this is why you're not going to be or... 21:34 Right. And not going to go. 21:36 Give him a reason or an avenue, a path to success. 21:40 Right. Right. Right. 21:42 And I like the fact when you brought up, 21:44 do some things that are in her field of interest, 21:47 like go to the science centers, you know. 21:49 And so that turned out to be a great family outing, 21:53 you know, the kids really enjoyed it, you know. 21:55 And they had a science film showing in the Omnimax, 22:01 so we got to take them to that also. 22:03 Right. Yes, that is so nice, you know. 22:06 And, you know, my favorite strategy was, 22:09 of course, discipline, one that you guys did. 22:11 But it was also that you said to her, 22:14 "You're gonna go to elementary school, 22:16 and then high school, and then college." 22:19 I mean, in other words, you're not saying, 22:21 "You don't have a choice, you have to do these things." 22:24 But her subconscious is picking up, 22:26 "Oh, this is how life is done. 22:29 Then college, then grad school, then the lab." 22:31 And she was so excited because you believed in her. 22:34 Right. You believed in her vision. 22:36 You're speaking her vision to her. 22:38 And guess what, she is grabbing hold to it too, 22:40 so she is going to do just fine. 22:43 So we will have to find a life script for him as well. 22:46 Yes, we will. 22:47 You know, I think that he is getting a peach of that, 22:49 he is not going to be able to skip out on the homework, 22:52 so that's really, really good. Right. 22:54 So what changes do you see in yourselves? 22:59 Well, just dealing with them, 23:01 I have to learn how to speak their language. 23:05 The yelling, and the screaming, 23:07 and pointing out the faults is not helping them. 23:10 It irritates me, I get stressed out. 23:13 My evening... 23:14 I was planning on having a calm evening, 23:16 but it didn't turned out that way, 23:18 but it was because of me. 23:20 So if I come in and I started talking to them 23:23 in nice even tones and not yelling 23:26 and talking about successes 23:28 and helping them to be more successful. 23:31 That will have the whole environment in the house 23:33 much more calm. 23:35 Wow! 23:36 And I also noticed that 23:37 speaking the language of success, 23:39 it helps me at work, you know? 23:40 Oh, really? 23:42 It helps me when I say, you know, when... 23:44 And I think about the Bible phrase, 23:46 "I could do all things through Christ which strengthens me." 23:48 Exactly. 23:50 So, you know, I want to put that into my children also. 23:53 You can be anything, you can do anything 23:56 that you chose to do with God's help, you know. 23:58 I like that. Yes. That is very nice. 24:01 I like the speaking successful language, I love that. 24:05 You know, again, I cannot reiterate it enough. 24:08 Do it and do it often, 24:10 reiterate to your daughter and your son, 24:12 this is a process of life. 24:14 You're gonna go to elementary school, 24:17 and then you're gonna go to middle school, 24:19 and then you're gonna go to high school. 24:20 I used to add in, "You'll probably be the valedictorian," 24:23 and then I turned it into college, 24:24 "It's going to be so fun. 24:26 You'll probably be involved in so many things, 24:29 and you're just going to really enjoy that time as well. 24:31 And then, you're gonna go to grad school, 24:34 and it's just so fascinating there and on to the lab." 24:38 So when you do it to, 24:39 add a little bit in of joy and happiness, 24:42 so that when they go do this stuff, 24:45 they will actually enjoy it. 24:47 You know what, I did with tests too. 24:49 Let's talk about tests taking 24:50 because a lot of people have test taking anxiety. 24:53 We may as well knock that out before it gets started. 24:55 So with my... 24:57 If you go to the science center, 24:59 make it very, very easy. 25:01 You're looking at something, then you say to your daughter, 25:03 "I'm going to give you a test right now, okay? 25:06 What color is the dinosaur? 25:08 Green. You made a A, 100%." 25:10 You know, it's just a joke, 25:12 but the more you put her in the situation 25:14 where you're saying, "Okay, we're having a test." 25:16 You know, simple things, easy things 25:19 so that she begins to be aware of what a test is. 25:23 And not allow all that anxiety... 25:25 The problem with testing is that people only do it 25:27 every now and then, 25:28 and then it becomes this big thing, 25:30 this big problem. 25:31 So even when my daughter was in college, 25:33 I would say to her, "Oh, it's show time. 25:35 She said, "I just have a test, 25:37 you know, in chemistry tomorrow." 25:38 It's show time girl, this is what we're living for. 25:42 Why are we in college? 25:43 We're gonna show off. 25:44 It's just such a positive way 25:46 to present to them testing, okay. 25:47 I like that. Yeah, so let's just try to... 25:51 Not just teach them to, you know, do well, 25:54 let's teach them to thrive. 25:56 You know, and they can hear it in our voices, 25:58 in our body language and stuff, well, they are gonna... 26:01 I don't even think they'll fail tests. 26:04 Studying in for a test will not become a chore. 26:07 It'll just be all begin to pair. 26:08 I need to try probably 26:10 some of those things with my son too. 26:12 Definitely. Definitely. 26:15 You know, and we really have to get started 26:16 with what does he want to be, you know, and stuff. 26:20 So he's not going to be as easy as she was 26:22 'cause he has learned, 26:23 "Don't put yourself out there." 26:25 She hadn't learned that for some reason, 26:26 but he's learnt that... 26:28 Well, she came first. 26:29 But he's watched how we behaved with her. 26:32 Right. Yes. 26:33 And when I saw him the last time, 26:34 he was in the shadows. 26:36 It was so great that you all pulled him out of shadows 26:38 and up in front in center stage, 26:40 so he can get used to being in the center. 26:43 And if you don't like being in the centre, 26:44 and it's a problem, 26:46 then you'll learn how to do the things that you need to do. 26:49 You know, so that everything 26:51 will go smoothly in your life itself. 26:53 And I know some other thing, 26:55 this is really, really important, 26:57 no comparing. 26:58 You did not compare your daughter to anybody. 27:01 Now she does compare herself to Jaden, 27:04 but we'll take care of it as time goes on. 27:06 Okay. Okay. 27:07 All right, you guys have done an absolutely wonderful job. 27:10 And I'm just so happy for you. 27:12 And I know that the Lord did this. 27:14 This is all of God's work. 27:15 So I always like to give God glory and praises 27:19 especially when some healing has occurred, 27:21 so can we bow our heads briefly? 27:22 Sure. Sure. 27:25 Most honorable Father, 27:26 we're just so grateful for all Your goodness 27:28 and for the healing that You continue to give 27:31 these families, Lord. 27:33 And dear, Lord, we ask that You will continue to let them 27:35 use all of the skills that You're showing them. 27:38 In Jesus' name we pray. 27:39 Amen. Amen. 27:41 Amen. You guys have a great weekend, okay. 27:43 Thank you. Thank you. You too. 27:47 It's easy for parents, even Christian parents 27:50 to write a negative life script for their children, 27:53 saying negative things to children is easy 27:56 because they don't have the power to refute 27:58 what you say to live. 27:59 Remember, what you say will be in their minds forever. 28:03 They only know about themselves 28:05 what you tell them about themselves, 28:07 so fill their minds and their hearts 28:09 with good words about them, 28:10 remind them of God's love for them, 28:12 pray with them inspiring prayers, 28:15 and always, always remember that God loves them 28:19 so much just like He loves you. |
Revised 2018-05-02