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Series Code: RQRA
Program Code: RQRA000011A
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00:01 The following program deals with subject matter
00:03 that may be inappropriate for younger children. 00:07 Parental discretion is advised. 00:11 I don't understand 00:14 why did this have to happen to me. 00:17 I feel like I just can't make sense of things. 00:22 I need answers. 00:25 Where is God? 00:32 Hello and welcome to Raw Questions Relevant Answers. 00:36 This is a program where we look at the questions 00:38 that you've sent, 00:39 and we try to answer them from a biblical perspective 00:42 using the Word of God. 00:44 My name is Michelle Doucoumes, 00:45 and these are my co-hosts Mark Paden and Dee Casper. 00:49 Today, we're going to be going into a topic 00:51 that we started in a previous episode on addictions. 00:55 And I will forewarn you that some of these questions 00:57 are pretty big and raw questions. 01:00 In fact, if you have young children watching right now, 01:03 you may want to use caution 01:05 or you may even want to not have them in the room 01:08 for some of these topics. 01:10 And so that's just something to consider as we go forward. 01:13 But these are some real questions 01:15 that we've received. 01:16 And I'm going to start with one 01:18 that comes from a male aged 27 in Ohio. 01:22 It says, "How do we deal with addictions 01:25 such as pornography, 01:27 masturbation, sports addiction, and a flirtatious spirit?" 01:32 So a lot in that one. Yeah. 01:34 I mean, I think the first most biggest thing 01:36 is to reemphasize the fact that we can overcome. 01:39 Right? 01:40 We can. We can. 01:41 This is not an issue of, you know what, 01:44 these are just too difficult to overcome, we can't do it, 01:47 we don't have to get lost in hopelessness. 01:49 These are very, very possible to overcome. 01:53 I think that one of the things to consider, 01:54 we've kind of dealt with this in the previous side was that 01:57 the main reason for addiction period is that 02:01 there is some pain in our life that we're seeking to numb. 02:05 We feel bad, and so we're running to something 02:07 to make ourselves feel good. 02:08 I just think from a ground level. 02:10 I remember someone shared this with me a couple of years ago, 02:11 and it was literally one 02:13 of the most life-changing things 02:14 I ever heard 02:16 because I knew in a moment 02:17 that what they told me was true, 02:18 he's a licensed counselor. 02:20 They said that "Every addiction we have in our life 02:21 is us seeking them, pain that we're feeling." 02:22 Immediately, I thought in my mind was that's true 02:24 but then the second thought was, 02:26 "But where is the pain?" 02:27 Because what I didn't know was 02:28 I had spent a majority of my life. 02:30 I think at this stage, I spent 25 or 30 years of my life 02:35 not knowing that principle and that premise. 02:38 And what I didn't know was that 02:39 you can spend a majority of your life numbing pain 02:42 without even knowing that you're feeling pain. 02:44 Wow! 02:45 Never cried myself to sleep, never saw a counselor, 02:47 I didn't understand the issues from my childhood 02:49 and so forth, from my parents being divorced, 02:51 to my mom being beat up by the guy 02:53 she married after my dad. 02:54 Things that really messed me up as a kid 02:56 and sent me into a tailspin, and some strongholds 02:58 that I'd had in my experience for years, 03:01 all started around that same time. 03:03 I never knew, never connected the dots until that moment. 03:06 So I think that's one thing that can be helpful 03:08 is start asking the question. 03:09 And the beautiful thing is 03:10 does God know where you're feeling pain? 03:12 Yeah. Yes. 03:13 He does. 03:15 Does God know the answer to the pain 03:16 that you're feeling? 03:17 Yes. 03:19 What God needs is permission and a willingness 03:20 from our part to go through that process 03:21 because God wants us to have a life, 03:23 and that more abundantly, that's why Jesus came. 03:25 The enemy comes to steal, to kill, 03:27 and destroy our identity, our happiness, 03:29 and a successful experience. 03:31 So I would start there, 03:32 just wait to understand that's why we're addicted. 03:33 Yeah. 03:35 Otherwise, principles won't help 03:36 because if by the grace of God, 03:38 you stop whatever ex-behavior is, 03:39 masturbation or sports addiction 03:41 or becoming a news junkie or whatever, 03:43 conspiracy theories, wherever you want to run to, 03:45 if that's what you're addiction is, 03:47 if by the grace of God, you stop that 03:49 because you just know that ex-behavior's bad, 03:51 don't do ex-behavior. 03:53 The problem is you're still hurting. 03:54 Yeah. Yeah. 03:55 So even if that behavior's gone, the pain is still there, 03:57 and you're going to run to something else 03:59 to numb your pain. 04:00 Pop up at another place. Exactly. 04:01 Like trying to pull dandelion weeds or chop off the top, 04:04 it just comes back again. 04:05 That's right. 04:07 You know, another thing too that I would add on to that 04:09 is that in addition to pain 04:10 that we've experienced and hurt, 04:12 there's also a lot of hopelessness 04:14 that is involved with addictions. 04:16 You go to things 04:18 when you don't feel like there's any hope for things. 04:22 And I think starting on to the road 04:26 to recovery from this thing, 04:27 I think the first principle is to find hope. 04:31 Yes. 04:32 We can go to God and find hope in Him and in His Word. 04:36 I think... 04:37 Because so many of these things are rooted 04:39 in our own feelings of hopelessness, 04:42 the Word of God is perfectly suited to bring us hope. 04:46 Through the patience and comfort of scriptures, 04:48 we might have hope. 04:49 And you know, the communion with God 04:51 and laying our burdens on Him, 04:52 and really seeking Him as our counselor, 04:55 Him as the one who we can cast all our cares upon Him, 05:00 you know, these are some of the first key elements 05:02 I believe in getting that hope. 05:05 Who is that? 05:07 Paul that says we are saved by hope. 05:08 It's one of the key elements in gaining that hope 05:10 that can start us on that road. 05:12 There's a lot of shame 05:14 that comes with addiction too, right? 05:15 Yes, glad you're saying that. 05:16 So there's a form of pain that's in my experience, 05:18 and so I'm running to something to numb that pain. 05:21 The problem is after I run to that, 05:22 one, it doesn't fill me. 05:23 We talked about that in our previous episode 05:25 with the woman at the well that, 05:26 you know, Jesus says, 05:28 "This water you're coming here for 05:29 is going to make you thirsty again." 05:30 It can't fill you. 05:32 So it doesn't fill you. 05:33 What it does fill you with is shame, 05:34 not pleasure, contentment, and wholeness. 05:37 And so now what do you do with this shame, 05:39 you run to the addiction to escape your shame. 05:42 But then you feel shame again, 05:43 and this is vicious cycle 05:45 that doesn't seem to want to end. 05:47 And so I think that 05:49 shame may not be what brings you into addiction, 05:52 but it's certainly one of the things 05:53 that keeps you there, 05:54 and that has to be dealt with as well. 05:56 What I love is in 2 Corinthians 5:21, it says that, 06:00 "God made Jesus, who knew no sin or addiction," right? 06:03 To become sin, to become my addiction. 06:05 Why? 06:06 So that I might become 06:08 the righteousness of God in Christ. 06:10 Shame is... 06:11 So guilt is that I've done something wrong, 06:13 shame is that I am something wrong. 06:15 And anyone who's wrestling with addiction, 06:17 I have been there. 06:18 We just feel like, "I'm nothing but a "Fill in the blank, 06:21 addict. 06:22 "I'm nothing but a sex addict, I'm nothing but an alcoholic, 06:24 I'm nothing but, 06:25 you know, someone who's addicted to tobacco, 06:27 I'm nothing but a homosexual, I'm nothing but a..." 06:29 Whatever the situation may be, 06:31 we identify ourselves by our sin. 06:33 But the beautiful thing is Jesus came 06:36 to identify with what we're stumbling with 06:38 so that we can now be identified 06:40 with His righteousness. 06:41 This is what He wants for us. 06:43 He's offered a divine solution and an identity swap. 06:46 Satan is the chiefest of identity thieves. 06:49 And Jesus came to set us free from that. 06:51 Yeah. 06:52 And we're big with figuring out which sins or addictions 06:56 can and can't be talked about sadly. 06:59 There's like there's the taboo one. 07:00 If you're dealing with pornography 07:02 or some of these things that's horrible and bad, 07:04 but if you're dealing with pride 07:05 or other things that's not... 07:07 And that's not scriptural, you know? 07:09 These things are not more or less in God's eyes. 07:14 He's looking to redeem the heart of those. 07:16 And you know, it's kind of all of this, 07:18 I'm going to continue 07:20 this whole discussion into our next question 07:22 'cause it really relates to the whole same thing. 07:25 We have someone else here. 07:26 A female aged 28 from Washington that is saying, 07:30 "What are some strategies for overcoming 07:33 long-term strongholds or addictions in our lives?" 07:37 So once we realize kind of what's behind them, 07:40 what can we do, guys? 07:42 Where do we go for help with this? 07:45 First of all, acknowledging you have a problem 07:47 and seeking accountability. 07:48 Any form of addiction is something that 07:50 the temptation is to do it in the dark, 07:52 to keep it to yourself. 07:53 One of the most liberating things for me to do 07:55 actually happened like 07:57 less than 100 yards from this building, 07:59 just outside of this building. 08:00 I came to a camp meeting a few years ago, 08:02 and I end up meeting someone. 08:04 And through our discourse, 08:06 they opened up about something that they were wrestling with 08:08 which was the same thing that I was wrestling with. 08:10 And for the first time in my life, guys, I felt human. 08:13 Wow! 08:15 I realized that I'm not the only one. 08:16 Someone else has wrestled in this area. 08:18 And this is what Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 10, 08:21 where he says that, 08:22 "No temptation is overtaking you 08:24 except such as is common to man." 08:26 Other people have dealt with this. 08:27 But it says, "But God is faithful, 08:29 who will not allow you to be tempted beyond 08:30 what you are able, 08:32 but with the temptation, will make a way of escape." 08:34 So the first aspect of that formula 08:35 for success to some degree is that 08:37 I recognized that someone else had gone through this. 08:40 I felt human, and immediately, I had someone that could be 08:43 an accountability partner for me. 08:45 It was a safe person for me to talk with 08:47 about what I was going through. 08:49 We could pray together, 08:50 we could encourage each other with scripture on that battle. 08:53 But it's helpful. 08:54 We talked about this in a former episode. 08:55 We need to have, also, forms of accountability 08:58 who aren't going to be more prone to take it easy on us 09:00 because they're struggling the same way. 09:02 Yeah, yeah. 09:03 It humanizes your struggle, 09:04 but it's helpful to have people who are counselors, 09:06 who are farther down the road, 09:08 and someone who's struggling at the same time. 09:10 And when we're tempted, 09:12 the Holy Spirit is prompting us, 09:13 there's another way, right? 09:15 When Jesus comes to our well and says, 09:16 "I have something better to offer you 09:17 than you're coming here for." 09:19 That's the first thing 09:20 is recognizing the spirit's prompting 09:22 when you're tempted to make the wrong decision, 09:24 and choosing to trust that God... 09:26 When we're convicted before we sin, 09:29 that's not a sign of condemnation from God. 09:31 It's literally a lifeline for help. 09:34 We shouldn't run from conviction. 09:36 We should run to Jesus in conviction 09:39 because what He's telling us is 09:40 there's a way of escape, there's a way out. 09:42 "I'm here because I love you, and I want you to get out." 09:46 Now here's another aspect in a very practical sense. 09:49 I think, anybody who has struggled with this 09:52 can know from experience that, 09:53 you know, at a certain point, 09:55 it gets exceptionally hard 09:57 to stop the train from moving, right? 10:00 You know, one of the best ways to curb this 10:03 is to stop it before it starts, right? 10:06 And I think a lot of us try to deal 10:08 with this head on like we're at the point 10:10 where the train is already going 60 miles an hour, 10:12 and we're trying to stop it, 10:13 and then we can't stop it, 10:15 and then we feel like we're hopeless 10:16 because we can't stop it at that point. 10:18 You know, the best strategy 10:19 is to attack it at the beginning. 10:21 And here's a quote that I really appreciate. 10:25 It's from book, Testimonies to the Church Volume 2, 10:28 that I think really has a lot of power in this. 10:31 "With watchfulness and prayer, 10:33 somebody's weakest points can be so guarded 10:36 as to become their strongest points, 10:38 and they can encounter temptation 10:40 without being overcome." 10:42 So the beauty of this is that like 10:44 if you're wrestling in this, like really bad right now, 10:47 this can be actually your strongest point, 10:49 which is powerful. 10:50 But how does it say watchfulness and prayer? 10:52 Watch... 10:53 Like what are the things that are triggering, you know what? 10:56 Like are you going on Instagram late at night? 11:00 Are you doing different things? 11:01 You know what your own individual triggers are, 11:04 but are you putting yourself on the grounds to be tempted? 11:08 Or another one, like, you know, are you... 11:10 There's a lot of different things 11:12 that can get us into that, but making sure, 11:15 looking at it practically in your own life and saying, 11:18 "Okay, what's getting to me," 11:19 and then being intentional 11:21 about removing those things from you. 11:23 Yeah, that's presumption, 11:24 to keep playing with that is presumption. 11:25 Right, right, you know, it's scriptural. 11:28 Romans 13:14 says, "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, 11:32 and," which is interesting, 11:34 "and make no provision for the flesh 11:36 to fulfill its lusts." 11:38 I think, sometimes, the issue is 11:39 we try to do either one or the other and not both. 11:42 Either we're trying to make no provision for the flesh 11:44 but we're not putting on Jesus. 11:46 We're like, "I'm going to Jesus," 11:47 but at the same time, 11:49 we still have those doors 11:50 of temptation just sitting there. 11:51 And instead of running from it, we're kind of crawling from it, 11:53 hoping it will catch up as I've heard someone say. 11:56 And we don't want that. 11:58 So there's the union with Christ, 12:00 and at the same time, cutting off those doors. 12:03 Something that I love is in Colossians 3 as well. 12:07 Colossians 3:2, it says, 12:10 "Set your mind or affections on things above, 12:14 not on things of the earth. 12:15 For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." 12:20 There is a shift, 12:21 an identity shift that Christ wants to make 12:24 as we go through this process of saying, 12:27 "This is not you anymore. 12:30 You are human. 12:31 You are not this person who did this anymore. 12:34 You died." 12:36 And the fact that we can get up with a new life in Christ. 12:40 But to do this, it says, 12:42 "Set our minds on things above." 12:44 And so it's kind of like you were saying, Mark, 12:46 where are we focusing? 12:48 And that's going to really dictate 12:50 a lot of our success or failure is where our focus is. 12:53 I want to make a point about our feelings. 12:55 Sometimes, it kind of drive us, and this is a beautiful quote 12:58 on a commentary on the life of Christ, 13:00 it's from a book called Desire of Ages. 13:02 It says, "Do not wait to feel that you are made whole." 13:04 Wow! 13:05 Sometimes, we feel like I need to wait until 13:06 I feel like I'm good enough for these things to change. 13:08 But they say, "No, don't wait for that. 13:10 Believe what His word says, and it will be fulfilled. 13:13 Put your will, your power of choice 13:15 on the side of Christ. 13:16 Will to serve Him." 13:17 And listen to this, 13:19 "And acting upon His Word, you will receive strength." 13:22 So in the command of God 13:23 is the power of God to walk in it. 13:25 So when he told His men in John 5 to rise, 13:27 take up his men and walk, with that was power. 13:29 So when God says 13:31 that He doesn't want us to fall into sexual sinner 13:32 or temptation or the other way, He's giving power to overcome. 13:35 But they close at this thought. 13:37 "Whatever may be the evil practice, 13:38 the master passion of which through 13:40 a long indulgence binds both soul and body," 13:42 I love this, "Christ is able, and He longs to deliver. 13:47 He will impart life to the soul that is dead in trespasses, 13:50 and he will set free the captive that is held by 13:51 weakness and misfortune in the chains of sin." 13:54 Amen. 13:56 So for those of you today who are listening to this 13:59 and are dealing with addictions, 14:01 first of all, know you're not alone. 14:03 We all have dealt with this. 14:04 But Christ offers hope, He offers healing, 14:07 He offers victory. 14:08 Amen. I ask you to continue to watch. 14:11 If you have questions, 14:13 you can submit them on our Facebook page, 14:14 RQRA3ABN. 14:17 And until next time, God bless. 14:19 We'll see you later. |
Revised 2018-08-27