Series Code: RQRA
Program Code: RQRA000014A
00:01 I don't understand.
00:04 Why did this have to happen to me?
00:08 I feel like I just can't make sense of things.
00:12 I need answers.
00:15 Where is God?
00:23 Hello and welcome to Raw Questions
00:25 Relevant Answers,
00:26 an opportunity for us to just have an open discourse
00:28 about real issues
00:30 that we wrestle with, that young people wrestle with.
00:32 And the today's topic
00:34 is actually the topic of identity,
00:36 how to understand our true identity
00:39 and issues of identity.
00:41 I have two awesome co-hosts with me today,
00:43 Michelle Doucoumes and Mark Paden.
00:45 And I'm just going to go ahead
00:46 and dive right into our questions here.
00:48 Our first question
00:49 is from a 21-year-old female
00:51 from Tennessee who asked this.
00:53 She says, "How do I stop absolutely hating myself?"
00:59 "How do I stop hating myself?"
01:01 What do you think?
01:03 I think the first thing is to recognize
01:05 that God doesn't hate us.
01:07 You know, how can we really
01:10 hate something that God loves?
01:11 If God is perfect, and His love is perfect,
01:16 and He loves us, then wouldn't that...
01:18 Somehow we messed up to hate ourselves.
01:21 I think that's the first thing that I could say to that.
01:24 Scripture has some beautiful portrayals
01:26 of God and us.
01:28 Zephaniah 3:17, it says
01:30 that He rejoices over us with singing.
01:34 Psalms 139 talks about
01:37 how He formed art in most parts, our beings,
01:40 in our mothers' womb are fearfully
01:42 and wonderfully made.
01:44 And that's easy to forget.
01:46 I know it was for me.
01:47 I may not have been quite saying, "I hate myself,"
01:51 but there was a time in my life
01:53 where I really did believe that,
01:55 you know, God loved me, I thought, because God has to.
02:00 Like, you kind of maybe have to love
02:02 that crazy uncle or those family members,
02:04 you're supposed to.
02:06 But I didn't really believe that God liked me,
02:10 and that was actually a journey to go on
02:13 is to look at Scripture
02:16 and see that in Scripture,
02:17 the view of God is a God
02:19 who not only likes us out of obligation
02:22 but truly chooses me
02:25 and values me just the way He made me.
02:28 You know, sometimes the reason why we hate ourselves
02:31 is because we're not doing the things
02:32 we ought to do or wish that we would do.
02:35 And so our hatred towards ourselves
02:37 is sometimes something that we believe
02:38 that God Himself must have
02:39 because we don't perform well enough.
02:42 And I think of Romans 5:8 where it says that,
02:44 "God demonstrates His own love toward us."
02:46 And I love this because many of us,
02:49 sometimes we would never say it this way,
02:51 but we kind of envision
02:52 that Jesus had to come to convince
02:54 the Father to love us,
02:55 so we can kind of roll with Jesus,
02:57 but the Father, we're just not sure about.
02:58 And a lot of times,
03:00 we project our unbelief in ourselves upon God,
03:03 that He looks at me in the way that I look at me,
03:05 that I'm a mess, I can't get anything right.
03:08 But in this situation, it literally says that,
03:09 "God demonstrates His own love towards us,
03:11 in that while we were still sinners,
03:14 Christ died for us."
03:16 Even when we were failing,
03:17 even when we weren't getting things right,
03:19 God showed His own love for us by sending Jesus.
03:23 So I think that's helpful,
03:25 that God's love for us is not dependent
03:26 upon our performance.
03:28 Another statement, a singer-songwriter,
03:29 I remember he was telling
03:31 some friends of his about a battle he has,
03:33 where he just hears voices at times that,
03:34 "You're a loser, no one likes you,"
03:36 Right before he'll go out for a concert,
03:38 that, you know, "You're wasting your time,
03:40 you did that thing 20 years ago,
03:41 you shouldn't be up here."
03:43 And one of his friends said, "Andrew,
03:46 self-hatred is just another form of self-worship."
03:50 And his response was, "We're not friends anymore."
03:54 And then everyone laughed. He said he was just kidding.
03:55 But it is one of those things that there's a sense of truth
03:58 to this that we would rather cherish
04:00 our own view of our self over what God's view of us is.
04:03 And we need to be careful with that
04:05 because when I say that I hate me,
04:07 what I'm really saying is, "I hate the one that God loves.
04:11 I hate the one that Jesus died for."
04:13 And if they don't hate you,
04:15 then we are cherishing a lie
04:17 as opposed to what God believes about us.
04:19 What I love is that the actions of Jesus
04:22 speak louder than the lies of the devil.
04:24 Revelation 12 says,
04:25 "There's an accuser of the brethren."
04:27 Those thoughts come from Satan, not from God,
04:29 and God wanted to change our mind
04:31 on that thing.
04:32 We've got three more questions.
04:33 You want to make that out real quickly?
04:35 You know, another big thing too
04:36 is to realize why sometimes we have these thoughts.
04:38 And a lot of it is is we don't measure up
04:40 to what society says that we should be.
04:43 We don't think that we're beautiful enough,
04:44 we don't think that we're smart enough,
04:46 we don't think that we're this enough,
04:48 fill in the blank.
04:50 The big thing...
04:51 The big beautiful truth about the gospel
04:53 is that we don't have value because of our appearance,
04:56 because of our brains, because of anything like that,
04:59 but we are
05:00 intrinsically valuable to Christ.
05:02 And there's this beautiful verse in Isaiah 62
05:05 that He says that,
05:06 "We are a crown of glory in the hand of the Lord
05:08 and a royal diadem in the hand of our God."
05:11 We're so valuable to God,
05:13 and we don't have to base our value
05:14 on those things.
05:15 One more thought, I'm cutting off myself.
05:18 In Isaiah 53, it says that,
05:19 "He shall see the travail of His soul,
05:21 the labor of His soul, and be satisfied."
05:23 And I love this
05:25 because what Jesus went through is horrible.
05:27 Just read Isaiah 53 and Psalm 22
05:30 and Matthew 26 and 27.
05:31 Just read those four chapters in the Bible,
05:34 and you'll get a glimpse of how horribly
05:37 Jesus had to suffer emotionally, psychologically,
05:41 spiritually, and physically.
05:43 And the amazing thing about this verse
05:44 is that knowing what He would have to go through,
05:46 Jesus was satisfied.
05:47 While He's going through it,
05:49 suffering for you to place a value on you,
05:52 He's satisfied.
05:53 Looking back on what He suffered,
05:55 He's satisfied.
05:57 Because, "By His knowledge,
05:59 My righteous Servant shall justify
06:00 many, and He shall bear their iniquities."
06:01 He knew this is the only way you could be saved,
06:03 and he's okay with paying that price
06:05 because He thinks you're worth it.
06:06 Second question, from a male in Illinois.
06:10 "What is the best way to understand how God sees me
06:13 compared to how I or others do?"
06:15 We've actually kind of addressed
06:16 this to some degree,
06:17 but do you want to add any more thoughts to that?
06:19 I mean, we talked about Scripture,
06:22 that's the big thing.
06:24 What God thinks of us is so alive in His Word,
06:29 and a lot of it happens to be what we focus on I found.
06:33 If I'm focusing a lot
06:35 on what other people are saying and doing,
06:37 that's where my worse going to come from,
06:39 and what other people are saying
06:41 is so much louder in our world
06:43 than what God's Word is saying.
06:45 What the media portrays as beautiful or not,
06:48 whether I feel successful or not in other people's eyes.
06:51 That's what's all around me.
06:53 And the hard thing is to spend more time in God's Word
06:58 so that those become the realities
07:00 that are even truer and are even more in my mind
07:03 than what I see around me.
07:05 You know, a big principle that you're bringing out there
07:07 is this idea that by beholding, we become changed.
07:09 Whatever we consistently look at,
07:11 that is what we become.
07:13 You know, another really practical tip on this
07:16 is that when we have those thoughts that are,
07:19 you know, bugging us, those things
07:21 that are getting to us,
07:23 we need to label those as misbelieves,
07:25 we need to label those as wrong and change those thoughts
07:30 into what the Bible has to say about us,
07:32 change those thoughts into how God views us.
07:35 So you're saying basically like for each of those lies
07:39 find the scriptures that can back that.
07:41 Yeah. Yeah.
07:42 They're going to put flesh on bones to that.
07:43 Write down the things
07:45 that you're believing about yourself right now,
07:46 and then search to see
07:48 what the Word of God says about you right now
07:49 and plaster that thing on your wall,
07:51 put it on your dashboard,
07:53 put it in your locker at school,
07:54 put it as the screensaver on your phone,
07:57 on the wallpaper of your desktop,
07:58 like find ways to keep reminding yourself
08:00 of what God believes about you.
08:03 Third question here.
08:04 This is from a 22-year-old male in Malaysia.
08:07 "What's the difference between
08:08 self-worth and pride/self-worship?"
08:12 It kind of addresses a little bit with the idea
08:13 of self-hatred as a form of self worship,
08:16 but what's the difference between
08:17 having a healthy view of yourself
08:19 and an unhealthy positive view of yourself
08:21 that you're just awesome, right?
08:23 Like I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread
08:25 as opposed to I'm not a mess in the eyes of God.
08:28 How do we draw that line of distinction?
08:29 You know I think one big thing
08:31 is recognizing where each one comes from.
08:34 Pride and self-worship
08:36 comes from all the things that we can do,
08:39 and we just think that we're great and all that stuff,
08:42 but self-worth comes from a conscious
08:44 knowing that we are doing right.
08:47 You know, that's how Christ found his self-worth.
08:50 I mean, He was the King of the universe,
08:52 yet He grew up in a very low position in society.
08:55 And yet, He was perfectly happy and perfectly comfortable
08:58 with who He was
09:00 because He knew that He was doing the will of God.
09:01 And I think a lot of times, our lack of self-worth
09:05 becomes either from the fact
09:07 that we know we aren't doing God's will
09:09 or we're trying too hard to live up to standards
09:11 that are unreasonable.
09:12 So if we get rid of those things,
09:15 do the will of God and not try to live up
09:18 to societal standard of what we should be,
09:21 then we can get rid of a lot
09:23 of that pride and self-worship that is fostered
09:25 when we finally feel beautiful enough
09:27 or finally feel smart enough
09:29 or finally feel this or that enough.
09:30 And I think we have a misconception
09:32 about being confident.
09:35 And sometimes we think, "Well, if I'm confident in who I am,
09:38 I must be proud."
09:40 But it's interesting,
09:41 there are people in Scripture like Moses
09:43 that Scripture describes as the meekest
09:45 or the humblest of men,
09:47 yet you see him leading God's people
09:50 and going forward in faith, and why is that?
09:53 Well, Moses knew that the strength was not in him,
09:57 it was in God.
09:58 He learned that early on.
09:59 First, when he wanted to deliver God's people,
10:01 he slew the Egyptian, made a mess,
10:03 had to go to the wilderness for 40 years,
10:05 and when he came out,
10:06 he didn't trust himself, he trusted God.
10:09 But that trust gave him a confidence
10:11 to go forward boldly.
10:13 And that's the beauty that I see
10:15 in Biblical self-worth.
10:16 It gives us a grounding
10:18 in who we are in God that's not shaken
10:19 because it's not dependent on our own capabilities
10:24 and our own attributes.
10:26 Those things are always going to be coming and going.
10:30 They're never stable.
10:32 In fact, that is the pride that leads to insecurity.
10:35 It's weird how they link because it's changeable.
10:40 But what Moses experienced,
10:41 what others in Scripture experienced
10:43 is a deeper sense of self-worth
10:45 that can lead to a godly confidence.
10:48 It's beautiful.
10:49 You know, I think Satan is the chiefest
10:51 in the area of identity theft.
10:53 We talk about the day when someone steals
10:55 your credit card information
10:56 or someone steals your social security number,
10:58 but what he's really seeking to steal,
11:00 to kill, and to destroy is your understanding
11:02 of who you truly are in Christ, right?
11:04 John 10:10,
11:05 "The enemy comes to steal, to kill, to destroy.
11:07 But I've come that you may have life
11:09 and have it more abundantly."
11:10 I think the amazing thing is a lot of this anxiety
11:13 and uneasiness in our experience,
11:14 in our sense of our own worth is based largely
11:17 because we're working so hard to prove
11:19 that we're worth something,
11:21 that we deserve to receive some sense of affirmation.
11:24 But what God is calling is to is rest.
11:27 He says, "Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy laden,
11:30 and I will give you rest."
11:32 "I'll give you rest in a true and secure identity
11:35 that you don't have to work for, it's just yours."
11:37 And so if you find yourself just kind of running through
11:39 the hustle and bustle, "I got to look this way,
11:41 I got to eat this way,
11:42 I got to present myself this way.
11:44 I can't look weak in the work setting."
11:46 You can rest at the feet of Jesus today
11:49 and understand your true worth in Him.
11:52 One more, is it...
11:54 Let's see here, last question from a 29-year-old male
11:58 in Pennsylvania.
12:00 "How do I get over worrying about what others think of me?"
12:03 I think we've already kind of addressed
12:04 this to some degree,
12:05 but how do I come to a point where it's not so important
12:08 what others think,
12:10 and I can just rest of what God thinks of me?
12:12 You know, there is a difference
12:14 between caring what people think
12:15 because we care about them,
12:17 and we want to treat them the right way
12:20 versus caring what people think
12:22 because that's going to dictate my own self-worth and value.
12:26 And that's been hard for me to separate
12:27 because sometimes I have felt like,
12:29 "Well, I care about what they think
12:31 because I want to be a good person.
12:32 I want to do the right thing."
12:33 But really, underneath it,
12:35 I care because I want them to like me
12:38 because that's what makes me feel good.
12:41 And that's been something
12:42 that I bring to the Lord and say,
12:44 "Lord, help me to care
12:46 not because I need that for my self-worth,
12:48 You give me self-worth.
12:50 Help me to care most
12:51 that I'm just treating this person
12:53 as You would have me treat them."
12:54 You know, one other practical thing
12:56 is living the narrative of the scriptures.
13:00 If we are standing for the truth,
13:04 that is often times puts us
13:07 in the not so favorable light with people.
13:10 And the more we have that experience,
13:11 as counterproductive as it may seem,
13:13 it's actually some of the best thing
13:14 because then it takes us through this experience
13:17 where we cease to care about what people think
13:21 and we care more about what God thinks.
13:23 And the more we invest in doing God's will,
13:26 I think the more that'll happen.
13:29 You know, it reminds me the stories of like Joseph
13:31 or Daniel or other...
13:33 These, you know, crazy awesome people
13:35 in Scripture who chose to stand for the right
13:37 because it was right come what may.
13:39 There's that famous line in Daniel 3 when Shadrach,
13:41 Meshach, and Abednego say,
13:43 "Look, our God is totally capable of delivering us,
13:46 but even if He doesn't,
13:47 I'm not going to bow down
13:49 because I know my identity in Christ well enough to know
13:52 that He's not going to leave me.
13:53 He's not going to forsake me.
13:54 And even if I have to suffer here and now,
13:56 I know what awaits me on the other end."
13:58 And I think that's very helpful for us to realize
14:00 that boldness can be ours.
14:02 So again, thank you for joining us
14:04 on Raw Questions Relevant Answers,
14:06 a program dealing with real hard issues.
14:08 You can submit your questions to RQRA3ABN on Facebook,
14:12 and we'll see you next time.