Series Code: RQRA
Program Code: RQRA000016A
00:01 I don't understand.
00:04 Why did this have to happen to me?
00:08 I feel like I just can't make sense of things.
00:12 I need answers.
00:15 Where is God?
00:21 Hello and welcome to Raw Questions Relevant Answers,
00:24 a program where we, as young people,
00:26 wrestle with issues that young people wrestle with
00:29 and we find answers in the scriptures,
00:31 that's our burden.
00:33 Today's topic is a heavy one, it's on sexuality.
00:36 And so I've got two great friends
00:38 with me here as co-hosts,
00:40 I've got Michelle Doucoumes and Mark Paden,
00:42 and I guess let's just go ahead and do what we can
00:45 with what we've got here.
00:46 So the first question is,
00:49 "How can we maintain a heart
00:50 and mind of purity in a society
00:53 that seems to glorify instant gratification
00:55 and 'do what feels good'
00:57 when it comes to relationships and sexuality choices?"
01:00 It's from a female in Washington.
01:02 How do we maintain a heart and mind of purity in a society
01:05 that says, "That's nonsense,
01:08 do what you want and do it now."
01:10 Job 14:4. Ooh.
01:13 "Who can bring a clean thing out of an unclean one?
01:17 No one."
01:19 You know, what we put in ourselves is what comes out.
01:23 I think that's one of the reasons
01:24 why sexuality is such a hard struggle.
01:26 It's not just the innate hormones
01:30 and other things inside of us.
01:32 It's also that we live in
01:34 an extremely sexualized culture today.
01:37 And I think the person asking this question realizes this.
01:40 Yes. It's everywhere.
01:42 It's in your movies.
01:44 It's in the music we listen to.
01:46 It's in the social media.
01:48 Just on Instagram today, we were talking about this.
01:51 Go to a little search button,
01:52 there's all this junk that comes up.
01:54 And so what do we do with that?
01:57 You know, the first thing I would say is
01:59 we do need to watch
02:00 what we're putting in, it's going to change us.
02:03 We don't think it will, but imperceptibly,
02:06 our views of sexuality become more and more corrupted
02:10 but God wants to restore that.
02:12 That's another thing that I've seen that's beautiful,
02:14 and this is in 2 Corinthians 11:2.
02:18 Christ is talking about how he views us as his people.
02:22 He says, "I am jealous for you with godly jealousy, "
02:25 that's Paul speaking on behalf of God,
02:28 "For I have betrothed you to one husband,
02:31 that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ."
02:36 He wants us to be a chaste virgin onto him.
02:38 Now that might not seem possible.
02:40 For some watching here like,
02:42 "I've already kind of messed up my life in sexuality,
02:45 and it's already pretty corrupt."
02:47 But also remember
02:48 that God doesn't ask us for things
02:50 that he is not gonna enable us to do.
02:54 That he is not gonna say,
02:55 "I wanna present you as a chaste virgin,"
02:56 if He doesn't have the ability to cleanse our minds
02:59 and rewrite some of this nasty stuff
03:01 that goes into our sexuality, from our backgrounds,
03:04 from the world around us.
03:06 Yeah, 100%.
03:07 You know, there's another verse in Psalm 101:3,
03:12 "I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes."
03:16 I think this honestly
03:18 is where the rubber meets the road.
03:20 We don't come out of the womb thinking of all the ways
03:25 that we can, you know, mess up in a sexual way.
03:29 We come out of the womb pure-ish.
03:31 But then when, I mean, we're still fallen,
03:34 but what we really gives us the idea for temptation
03:38 is what we put in front of us.
03:40 And so I think the biggest thing
03:43 that we can do for ourselves
03:44 is guard well the avenues of the soul, you know?
03:48 Stay away from the things
03:50 that are gonna suggest temptation.
03:54 You know, and like for me, it's...
03:57 I had to do certain things like,
03:58 on Instagram, I don't follow people
04:00 that post certain things, you know?
04:01 Like I can't have mercy, right?
04:04 And are they things like that, stay away from the shows,
04:07 the music that's suggesting sexual things
04:10 and just really be cognizant about that
04:12 and know that whatever you consistently view,
04:16 that's what you're gonna be.
04:18 You develop an appetite
04:19 for the things that you consume, right?
04:21 They may be, you know, offend to you initially,
04:23 but then you kind of grow a comfort.
04:24 In 1 Corinthians 6:9 and10,
04:29 Paul kind of lays out this stuff,
04:30 he says, verse nine,
04:32 "Do you not know that the unrighteous
04:33 will not inherit the kingdom of God?"
04:35 Then he says, "Do not be deceived."
04:36 And he starts listing a bunch of stuff
04:37 that's gonna disqualify people
04:39 for the kingdom of heaven, right?
04:40 "Fornicators, idolaters, adulterers," in other things,
04:44 when he says, what I love is in verse 11.
04:47 He says, "But such were some of you,
04:50 but you were washed,
04:51 but you were sanctified,
04:52 but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus
04:54 and by the Spirit of our God."
04:56 And I love this because some of these things
04:58 are listed to disqualify people from heaven.
05:01 When they encounter the gospel of Jesus Christ,
05:03 they can be qualified for the kingdom of heaven.
05:05 He can wash them. He can regenerate them.
05:07 So even if you have a brain that's just depraved
05:10 and you feel like an animal,
05:11 there's a God in heaven
05:13 who can rewire our circuitry.
05:15 But our responsibility is to disassociate ourselves
05:18 from things that are bridges to a place
05:20 that we don't need to be anymore.
05:22 And only we know what those boundaries are.
05:24 If you need to shut down social media,
05:25 if you need to stop watching this
05:26 or stop listening to that,
05:28 then follow the prompting of God,
05:29 the conviction of God, and do so.
05:32 Never put yourself in a situation,
05:33 it says in 1 Corinthians 10 that,
05:35 "Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall."
05:38 Yeah. Yes.
05:39 But what I love he says that,
05:42 "No temptation is overtaking you
05:43 except such as is common to man,
05:45 but God is faithful,
05:46 who will not allow you to be tempted
05:48 beyond what you are able.
05:49 But with the temptation,
05:50 we will also make a way of escape."
05:52 That means that first of all,
05:53 you are not a loser for thinking these thoughts,
05:55 other people wrestled with it.
05:56 Don't think you are too big for your bridges
05:57 and you will never fall, it's another thing.
05:59 But thirdly, the other point that's made in this text
06:01 is that every single time that you are tempted,
06:03 there's a fork on the road
06:05 and God is offering another direction
06:06 to go when tempted.
06:08 And that we can respond to the spirits
06:10 prompting in that moment and move the other direction.
06:12 May I say something about temptation that has helped me?
06:16 You know, we have desires in us.
06:20 Well, how can I help it that I have sexual desires?
06:23 We are made with these.
06:25 Well, James chapter 1 has helped me.
06:26 Verse 14 it says, "But each one is tempted
06:28 when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.
06:31 When desire conceived,
06:33 it gives brings forth sin,
06:34 and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death."
06:36 We don't want that.
06:37 But then verse 16,
06:38 "Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren,
06:41 every good gift and every perfect gift
06:43 is from above and comes down from the Father of lights,
06:45 with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning."
06:49 It's really interesting.
06:50 After this whole thing about desire and temptation,
06:53 James says don't be deceived, the good things are from God.
06:57 Think about it this way.
06:58 Does Satan have creative power?
07:01 Right. No.
07:02 He doesn't. Yeah.
07:03 The only thing he has power to do
07:05 is pervert and counterfeit.
07:07 God has given sexual desire and it's a good thing.
07:10 We shouldn't be ashamed of it.
07:11 I think sometimes we become ashamed of it
07:13 and make the whole thing dirty, it's not.
07:16 But when we experience a desire that's not for something good,
07:20 think about what is the devil perverting
07:22 that God really wants to give me.
07:24 And go to God for the true thing
07:26 instead of a counterfeit.
07:28 It's just a counterfeit of something
07:30 that is real and good.
07:32 I think it's a beautiful point
07:33 that sexuality is not a bad thing,
07:35 it's the corruption of sexuality that is.
07:38 When we were talking about temptation,
07:39 it reminded of Charles Spurgeon, He said,
07:40 "You can't stop the birds from flying over your head,
07:42 but you can stop them
07:44 from building a nest in your hair."
07:46 To be tempted is one thing,
07:48 to play with the temptation or run with it
07:49 is a totally different one.
07:51 Jesus himself was tempted and never sinned.
07:53 It's what we do
07:54 with the temptation at the moment,
07:56 and yeah, it's a great point.
07:57 You have one more thing?
07:58 Yeah, one other point really quick to just to
08:00 'cause I think sometimes
08:02 we get in this cultural slumber of saying,
08:07 "You know, as long as I not do anything,
08:11 I can just look, right?"
08:13 Window shopping, huh? Yeah, exactly.
08:16 And even I think we do it in ways
08:18 that we don't realize as much like
08:21 swooning over some actors or something, right?
08:25 But I want to bring our attention
08:27 to this verse in Matthew 5:27,
08:30 "You have heard that it was said
08:32 by them of old time,
08:33 'You shall not commit adultery.' "
08:35 And this is Christ saying, "But I say unto you
08:37 that whoever looks on a woman to lust after her
08:40 has committed adultery with her already in his heart."
08:44 So the God's law really gets down
08:47 to even our thoughts
08:49 and what we're thinking about when we look at somebody.
08:52 Yeah, it's true.
08:53 This is our second question here,
08:56 and this is from a female in Tennessee.
08:58 "Is divorce really only sanctioned
09:00 for cases of sexual immorality?"
09:02 And then it kind of put examples of that unfaithfulness
09:04 or rape or etcetera,
09:06 is divorce only sanctioned for cases
09:08 such as sexual immorality?
09:12 Definitely a big one. Yeah.
09:14 You want to go on this one?
09:15 Well, I'll just go to the simple answer first.
09:18 In Matthew 19, Jesus spoke about this.
09:21 He was asked about
09:22 basically this very question when is divorce appropriate,
09:26 when is divorce not appropriate.
09:28 In verse 8, after the Jews asked him, he said,
09:32 "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts,
09:34 permitted you to divorce your wives,
09:36 but from the beginning it was not so.
09:39 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife,
09:41 except for sexual immorality, and marries another,
09:43 commits adultery.
09:45 And whoever marries her
09:47 who is divorced commits adultery."
09:49 Now it's an interesting context in Jesus' day,
09:52 divorce had become a lot more common apparently,
09:55 and they were doing this for a lot of different reasons.
09:58 And Jesus said it was never meant for this.
10:02 The two were meant to become one flesh.
10:05 It's not meant to just get ripped apart.
10:07 "And what God has joined together,
10:08 let man not separate."
10:10 Right. Right.
10:11 And the other thing too
10:12 is that we have to look into the rationale behind this,
10:14 like God isn't just up there in heaven and be like,
10:15 "Oh, I just want to torment somebody
10:17 by letting them only have one person in life."
10:21 The reason that God has put this in place
10:23 is that he knows that that is a very fabric of society.
10:27 I mean, the family is the most elemental grouping
10:32 in society that we have,
10:33 and it's from the strength of the family
10:36 that the nation, that the world finds strength.
10:39 So if, I mean, we see the pain and heartache,
10:43 just the bad stuff that happens when families get ripped apart,
10:47 I mean, especially young people
10:49 go through a tremendous amount of heartache and pain in that.
10:52 And God's prohibition on this
10:54 is in one sense
10:58 to give us a lot more caution going into a marriage
11:02 that we need to be very careful
11:05 what we are getting ourselves into
11:07 'cause God doesn't want us to get into a marriage
11:09 just thinking like,
11:12 "If I'm buying something,
11:13 oh, you know, I can get rid of it in a little bit
11:15 if it doesn't work out."
11:17 Return policy. Right, exactly.
11:18 We can't do that with a marriage.
11:20 And that's I think a big reason why God instituted this
11:22 is that he doesn't want a society
11:25 that is constantly getting ripped apart
11:26 at its most elemental level.
11:29 And I think that the purpose, when these two become one,
11:31 there is this sensitive,
11:33 the physical act of the two becoming one,
11:34 this is meant to kind of bond them,
11:36 and there's even science that proves this
11:37 is it bonds you psychologically, emotionally,
11:39 and physically, and otherwise.
11:41 And this is what God intended to kind of seal this union
11:44 between two people whom he was leading together.
11:47 So I think before one is married,
11:48 this is something we need to think very clearly
11:50 and strongly and deeply and prayerfully
11:53 about seeking much counsel
11:55 because this isn't just a light thing, right?
11:57 Marriage is a really big deal.
11:59 It's a blessing.
12:00 It's one of the things that God gave to man
12:01 in its unfallen state
12:03 that's still available to us and is a privilege.
12:06 Now there is a disclaimer we need to make
12:07 or at least something we need to kind of address
12:09 that what about situations
12:11 where someone is in an abusive environment?
12:13 So let's say, that's all well and good beforehand,
12:15 but I'm in a marriage...
12:16 And maybe there wasn't any adultery or something.
12:19 But I'm in a situation now where I'm being hurt,
12:21 my children are being hurt.
12:23 It's an unsafe environment.
12:24 We don't have a lot of time.
12:26 But one of the things we have to counsel
12:27 is we are not saying
12:29 when we are talking about divorce not being as ideal.
12:31 We are not saying that someone should stay in a home,
12:34 physically staying in a home, where abuse is happening.
12:37 Our counsel to you
12:39 with as much sincerity as we can muster
12:40 is get out immediately,
12:42 find a form of a structured separation,
12:44 and then begin the process of seeking a professional help
12:47 and intervention immediately.
12:48 You and the children get out of that environment
12:51 and seek professional help immediately.
12:54 And in those situations,
12:56 what would prompt something like that, abuse,
12:59 very unhelpful addictive behaviors
13:02 and violence, things like these and adultery,
13:05 those are things where it's wise to separate,
13:07 seek intervention and begin the process
13:09 of seeking professional help
13:10 to know how to work through this.
13:13 And I think, biblically speaking,
13:15 this is very logical.
13:16 God would not want us to be in constant fear for lives.
13:20 That's not good. Yeah. Right.
13:22 And if we are in a situation
13:23 where somebody is really getting hurt,
13:26 it's good to get some distance.
13:27 Yeah, 100%, that's reasonable.
13:29 And it's also because
13:30 Jesus doesn't give the admonition
13:32 though that it still gives us the freedom to just remarry,
13:36 to do some of these things,
13:37 and I know this is a hard thing
13:39 and that's why we want to think carefully
13:41 about who we marry and how we do that.
13:44 But I'm glad you mentioned that,
13:45 especially for other women out there,
13:47 I know there are people
13:49 who are afraid to take the step
13:51 to step out and to get help, and that's needed.
13:54 It's the right thing to do, and it's the best thing to do
13:56 particularly when children
13:58 are involved in any situation, period.
14:00 That's all the time we have for today unfortunately.
14:02 But again, thank you for joining us on
14:03 Raw Questions Relevant Answers.
14:05 You could submit your questions to RQRA3ABN on Facebook.com,
14:10 or just Facebook.com/RQRA3ABN.
14:14 Look forward to seeing you next time.