Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Dr. Kim Logan Nowlin
Series Code: UBR
Program Code: UBR000215A
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00:01 Stay tuned to see a program I never wanted to do.
00:04 My name is Yvonne Lewis, 00:05 and you're watching Urban Report. 00:31 Hello, and welcome to Urban Report. 00:33 My guest today is Dr. Kim Logan Nowlin, 00:36 author, psychotherapist, 00:38 and co-host of Dare to Dream's 00:39 family support program Making It Work. 00:42 Today, we're here to pay tribute 00:44 to her late husband Arthur Nowlin. 00:47 He was co-host of the program with her, 00:49 and on October 30th of 2016, he passed away. 00:54 Welcome to Urban Report, Dr. Kim. 00:56 Oh, Yvonne, so good to see you. 00:58 You know that we love you, 01:00 and you know that we loved Arthur here. 01:01 Oh, yes. And he loved all of you. 01:03 Oh, praise the Lord. 01:05 And we love what you guys, 01:07 not just what you did but what you stood for. 01:10 Yes. What you stood for. 01:12 You represented to us a family that was making it work. 01:17 Yes, yes, every day. 01:18 I'm smiling because every time I think about you 01:22 and Arthur together, 01:23 it's like you can't help but smile. 01:26 Because you guys just... 01:28 the banter, the back and forth, 01:29 and we're gonna show some clips in a little bit. 01:32 But the banter and the back and forth 01:34 that you had with him was so special. 01:37 And so today, we wanna honor him. 01:40 I appreciate that. 01:41 We wanna honor him because he was a man of God. 01:45 Oh, yes. So, tell us about... 01:48 First of all, how did you meet Arthur? 01:49 All right. How did we meet? 01:51 That's really, you know, amazing. 01:55 The AIDS Revolution 01:58 was really strong about 25 years ago. 02:02 And the ambassador of AIDS was visiting Detroit, 02:06 Dionne Warwick. 02:07 And so they invited some of the agencies 02:11 to come to speak 02:13 and also to come to the celebration that evening 02:17 at one of the hotels. 02:18 Well, when I walked in with my cousin Karen, I said, 02:24 "That's gonna be my husband." 02:26 I said it just like that, "That's going be my husband." 02:28 You mean, you saw him across a room? 02:29 Yes. Oh, come on now. 02:30 I saw him. I saw him. 02:32 What? 02:33 And so, you know, he was there hosting, 02:36 and I was there as a hostess. 02:38 And so I was sitting there watching him, 02:40 and one of his golf friends said, 02:42 "Well, I don't know why you're looking at him, 02:44 he's married." 02:45 And I was like, "Oh, okay." 02:47 So his golf friend called me, you know, 02:50 and so they were all talking about me 02:52 standing on the golf course. 02:53 And they were like, 02:54 "Man, you won't stand a chance with her." 02:56 So he never responded. 02:58 He said, "Man, you don't have enough 03:00 to bring to the table, all right?" 03:02 And so... 03:04 So wait, he was looking at you and you were looking at him. 03:07 Yes, but he was very cool. 03:09 You know, Arthur was just cool. Yes, yeah. 03:11 But he had on the baddest socks. 03:12 It was the socks. It was the socks. 03:14 I will tell anyone, his socks were... 03:17 And he took pride in his socks, all right? 03:20 And he crossed his legs, and I was like, "Whoo! 03:23 Look at those socks." 03:24 So I said, "The man cares about his socks, 03:26 that man cares about his appearance," all right. 03:29 So a few days later, 03:30 I called his office to see 03:33 if they would like to do my radio show. 03:35 But... His office was, he did what? 03:38 He was a social worker in Substance Abuse. 03:40 Okay. Okay. 03:41 And so I had my own practice. 03:43 And so they sent his boss, not him. 03:47 And I'm like, "Okay, all right." 03:48 But now in the mean time, 03:49 you'd found out he wasn't married. 03:51 I found out two days later. Okay. 03:53 I saw a friend, and we were at a AIDS Conference. 03:56 And I said, "I've met Arthur Nowlin." 03:58 She said, "Oh, he is so nice," 04:00 and I said, "Well, you know, he is married." 04:03 She said, "No, he's not." I said, "What?" 04:05 She said, "No, he is divorced, he has a son, 04:08 but he is single. 04:09 Girl, these women been on him for years. 04:12 But he will not commit. 04:14 He hasn't met the right one." 04:16 So I said, "All right." 04:17 So I called my girlfriend who worked with him 04:20 and she was having a cabaret. 04:22 I said, "Well, I don't go to cabarets. 04:24 I'm Seventh-day Adventist, I don't do cabarets." 04:26 She said, "Well, let's go to my son's football team, 04:28 The Pearl group." 04:30 I said, "I tell you what, 04:31 if you can get Arthur Nowlin there, 04:33 I'll buy all of your tickets." 04:35 Oh. Okay? 04:36 I said... You are a woman with a plan. 04:39 I was on a mission. 04:40 But I told her, I said, "Don't tell him." 04:42 And sure enough, she told him. 04:44 And when he walked in, I ran to the restroom. 04:47 I was so embarrassed, okay? 04:49 'Cause now you knew that she had told... 04:50 Oh. I knew she had told him. 04:52 So he came, and he was sitting at the table, 04:54 I came out, and it was a lot of women around. 04:56 I'm like, "No, this is not gonna work," 04:58 you know, he is a pretty boy, you know, all this and that. 05:02 So he asked me to dance. I said, "Well, I don't dance." 05:04 He said, "What do you mean you don't dance?" 05:06 And then I said, "Well, may be I should help out 05:07 the Holy Spirit, okay." 05:10 So the song was on and it became our theme song. 05:14 And I was stepping on his feet, you know, 05:17 trying to do some things, and he said, 05:19 "Do you know how to dance?" 05:20 I said "Not really." I said, "I roll a skate," okay? 05:23 So I said, "So, Mr. Nowlin, what are you looking for?" 05:26 And he paused and he said, "Someone to grow with." 05:30 And I'm like, "He didn't say my name, okay." 05:35 So I get home, and I called my mom. 05:39 And I said, "Well, Mom," she said, "Well, how did it go? 05:40 Did you meet him?" 05:42 I said, "Yes, but he didn't give me the right answer." 05:44 She said, "Well, what did he say?" 05:46 I said, "I asked him what is he looking for. 05:48 He said, "Someone to grow with." 05:50 And she says, "So what was wrong with that?" 05:52 I said, "It wasn't the right answer." 05:54 She said, "My child, he gave you the right answer. 05:57 He wants to grow with someone." 06:00 And that's how it all began. 06:01 Oh. 06:03 So he said he want to grow with someone, 06:07 so how did you see him again? 06:09 How did it... How did it... 06:11 Well, he invited me to lunch, and he told me his whole story 06:14 about his divorce, his son, his addiction. 06:17 Well, let's hear about his story. 06:18 Yes. 06:20 His story was that he had gone to, 06:21 grow up in Gary, Indiana. 06:23 He lost his mother when he was just seven years old, 06:25 attended Catholic school. 06:27 And then he went to public school. 06:29 I think we have a picture... Okay, okay. 06:30 Of him in high school. 06:32 In high school. 06:33 And he finished high school, he was a basketball star, 06:36 and well, liked by everyone, beautiful personality. 06:40 And then he had difficulty 06:44 because he had lost his mother at such a early age. 06:46 And so he enlisted or he was really, 06:51 you know, enlisted into the Air Force. 06:54 Okay. Was he... He was drafted? 06:55 He was drafted. He was drafted. Oh, he was drafted. 06:57 We have a picture of him in the airport. 06:59 Okay. Yeah, there he is. There. 07:01 And look how young! Yes. 07:03 He looks like a baby. Nineteen years old. 07:04 Yeah. Nineteen years old. 07:06 Yeah. 07:07 You know, but it was not a great experience, 07:11 he went through a lot with Post-traumatic stress disorder 07:15 and shell shock. 07:16 And he was a military police officer. 07:20 So he guarded the Base, 07:21 and he was even shot in the military. 07:23 Oh, man. 07:25 And so even during our marriage, 07:27 he would wake up if I walked into the room softly. 07:31 Or "What is it? What is it? What is it?" 07:33 You know, and he would wake up like this. 07:35 And it was that serious. 07:37 And it stayed with him for a long time. 07:41 So from there, he got out of the military 07:43 but he was addicted to morphine from the gunshot wound. 07:48 And then from there he became addicted to heroin 07:51 and started trafficking drugs 07:54 and selling drugs with his sister Connie. 07:56 So it just began a downward spiral? 07:59 Oh, yes, from the military. 08:01 From the military? Yes. 08:02 And he was... 08:04 And this, I was just reading about something recently, 08:07 actually this morning, about prescription drugs 08:11 leading to heroin addictions. 08:12 Oh, yes. 08:13 And this is kind of what happened to him, 08:15 he got addicted to the pain killers. 08:16 Yes. 08:17 Because of the gunshot wounds. Yes. 08:19 And then went to heroin. Went to heroin. 08:21 Yes. Wow. 08:22 And so then he started selling it. 08:24 Oh, selling it. 08:25 And he was, you know, 08:26 and his sister was also in a cartel in Indiana. 08:29 And she was big in California and came back to Indiana. 08:34 And they were doing drugs together. 08:36 Then his sister became ill, 08:38 and he gets the call 08:40 that she was ill in the hospital, early 30s. 08:43 And he didn't know where but somewhere in South Bend, 08:46 God led him to the hospital. 08:48 And from there, he found her in this room. 08:51 Then the doctor came in and he asked him to leave. 08:54 And she said, "No, he can stay." 08:56 And he said that, "There is nothing else 08:58 we can do for you, Connie. 08:59 You've used drugs so long, it's damaged your organs." 09:03 And she hit the bed and said, "I could have been, 09:06 I should have been, I would have been." 09:08 And she turned to Arthur and said, 09:10 "Don't you die like me. 09:13 Get clean. 09:15 Get the help you need." 09:16 That day, he left and went to New York. 09:20 And they had a open bed and he went into rehab. 09:24 And from that point on, he remained clean. 09:27 From that point on because... And when was that? 09:30 That was... He was... 09:31 'Cause he had been married and they got divorced 09:34 because his first wife couldn't handle the addiction. 09:38 And so that was in his later 20s, later 20s. 09:42 And from there, he went back to Gary. 09:45 And his cousin Jody on his mother side said, 09:50 "I need to bring you to Ann Arbor, Michigan." 09:52 And he said, "If you don't come, 09:53 I'm coming to get you." 09:55 And he didn't come for a week. 09:56 And Jody went down to get him, 09:59 and brought him back to Ann Arbor, 10:00 and that was the turning point. 10:02 And he went to, he started attending Washtenaw College, 10:05 got his Associate degree, got his undergrad degree 10:08 from Wayne State in education. 10:10 And then after meeting me, 10:12 earned his Master's degree in Social Work 10:14 and Substance Abuse. 10:15 I Love it. 10:17 So he gave back all that he went through to help others, 10:20 also to find freedom with drug abuse and addictions. 10:23 Yes, yes, yes, yes. 10:24 So wow, he had a powerful journey. 10:27 Now where were his parents? 10:28 In Gary, Indiana. 10:30 But his mother passed when he was seven, 10:31 his father passed in his late 80s. 10:33 But again, his father was like very disappointed 10:36 that he did not want to stay and work in the steel mill. 10:40 His brothers were firemen 10:42 and they worked in the steel mill. 10:43 But he wanted something more for his life. 10:46 And that way, it was the turning point in Ann Arbor 10:48 when he was able to go to school 10:50 and have the support of his family. 10:52 And they've raised him, 10:53 the Smiths and the Davis's raised him as their own son. 10:57 And it was just amazing 10:59 and how we all became one family. 11:01 I didn't know the Nowlin family that well. 11:04 We would go down for funerals or different things like that, 11:09 but there was never a family reunions. 11:11 And they didn't come to visit him. 11:13 In our 20 years of marriage, I didn't know his family. 11:18 And they really, kind of, was critical 11:21 that they felt that I took him away, 11:23 he became Seventh-day Adventist 11:25 'cause he was raised Catholic. 11:26 Okay. 11:27 And so, but you didn't know him. 11:30 For 30 years, you missed the man, 11:32 and what he became, and what God did through him. 11:35 And, Yvonne, I have to say this to women 11:38 who may be listening their men. 11:40 You don't have to compromise. 11:41 You can wait on the Lord to allow you to make a stand. 11:45 Yes. 11:47 And God will use you in that stand 11:49 because he came to church with me 11:52 a few weeks after he met me. 11:53 He said, "Well, what are you doing 11:55 on Saturday?" 11:56 And I said, "I go to church." He said, "Wait, what?" 11:57 I said, "Church." "What!" I said, "Church." 12:00 Every time he asked that question, 12:01 it was church. 12:02 He said, "You don't go to club?" 12:04 I said, "Church." "You don't go to cabaret?" 12:05 "Church." 12:07 And then he said, "But you met me at a cabaret." 12:08 I said, "That was for good cause, okay." 12:10 And he came to City Temple in Detroit. 12:15 And he walked in 12:16 and there was all these little groups going on. 12:19 And he said, "What is going on here?" 12:21 And we were dating, and I said, "It's called Sabbath School." 12:25 He said, "Well, what are they doing 12:26 in Sabbath school?" 12:27 And I said, "They're talking about Jesus 12:29 and the Word of God." 12:30 And he got so excited 12:32 but that wasn't completely all that brought him 12:35 to City Temple. 12:37 Five men greeted him, one man particular, 12:40 our head elder at the time. 12:42 And said, "Welcome." And he says, "He's mine." 12:45 Took him to the beginner Sabbath School class. 12:47 And from there, trained him to be a decant, and elder, 12:53 and on to become federation president, 12:55 and family life of our church, 12:57 family life co-director of the conference. 13:00 It all started when... 13:02 This is why when we see people visiting our churches, 13:05 we should embrace them. 13:06 Absolutely. 13:08 And let them know that we love them 13:10 and that's what one Arthur... 13:11 'Cause he said he visited other churches 13:13 in other denominations. 13:15 But no one came to greet him and said hello. 13:18 But these five men and their families embraced us 13:23 and our daughter. 13:24 And it just grew from there, you know, a village, a village. 13:28 You know, I'm listening to you 13:30 and I'm thinking, "Man, this is... 13:32 it's so amazing that 13:35 God knew from the very beginning, 13:38 who Arthur would be for Him 13:41 and how Arthur would be on the frontlines for Him." 13:45 And He just led him through you, 13:47 brought him to you and you to him, 13:50 and God just... 13:51 He is just so awesome. 13:52 Isn't He awesome? He is so awesome. 13:54 So, okay, so let's go back a second. 13:56 So you guys started... 13:59 I need to know though, how, you know, 14:02 'cause I'm like enquiring mind, want to know. 14:04 Okay, so after, 'cause we digressed for a bit 14:09 with the story of his life, right, the early beginnings. 14:13 How did you guys connect though? 14:15 I mean, after that lunch, you went to lunch. 14:19 Yes, yes. 14:20 He started calling, he started presume... 14:23 At what point did you both know... 14:26 Well you, kind of, knew when you saw him. 14:27 You said, "That's going to be my husband." 14:29 But at what point did he know that you were his? 14:33 I think when some of the ladies approached him at church 14:36 and said, "Well, Kim, he is been a member here 14:38 for a year or so, are you going to date him?" 14:41 I said, "Well, right now, I'm his friend. 14:43 I brought him to church." 14:45 And I said, "But if you would like to pursue him, you can." 14:48 Because I was confident in the Lord, you know. 14:52 And so he went to lunch with one of them, 14:54 and I wasn't worried. 14:56 And he called me that evening, 14:58 and I said, "Well, how did it go?" 14:59 And he says, "It was nice, you know." 15:02 But I think what happen was his son, Jason, was 12. 15:07 Jason went home and told his mom, 15:09 "Mom, Dad has a girlfriend." 15:12 And they have been trying to reconnect. 15:15 He really tried to reconnect with his family, 15:18 'cause he wanted to be with his son. 15:21 And but I don't think she was open to it. 15:25 'Cause she had been through so much 15:26 with the drugs. 15:28 So much and she is a lovely woman, 15:29 we are good friends. 15:30 And when she called him, he said that, 15:36 "Thank you, but I like to see what would happen with Kim." 15:40 And that's when I knew. 15:42 Wow. 15:43 She called him... 15:44 After Jason went home. To try to rekindle? 15:46 As Jason went home and said, "Mom, Dad has a girlfriend." 15:51 And it's not until you think someone is right. 15:53 Yeah. Right. Right. 15:55 And so he said, "I like to see where this will go with Kim." 15:58 Never knowing, almost 30 years, 16:01 it went with Kim. 16:02 Wow. You know, amazing. 16:04 So you guys started dating. Started dating. 16:07 And you really fell in love. Fell in love. 16:09 And really blend in our families together, 16:11 'cause I had a daughter, he had a son. 16:13 I think we have a picture of the family too. 16:15 You know, of the family. Yeah, we'll put that up. 16:18 So you had a daughter, he had a son. 16:20 Yes, yes. And you guys... 16:22 Blended in working together, that's the family. 16:25 And then in 2000, we had our daughter, 16:29 Erin, you know... 16:30 Looking just like Arthur. I know, looks just like him. 16:32 Oh, my goodness! 16:34 Just like Arthur with a cap and gown. 16:35 Yes. 16:36 She was graduated from the eighth grade, 16:38 and Jason has a son, that was Arthur's first grand 16:40 and only grandson. 16:42 And we always had this philosophy, 16:44 how many steps do you have to take? 16:46 This is our family, there're no stepfathers, 16:48 stepmother, stepbrothers, half-brother, we are a family. 16:52 A family, that's right. And so with that... 16:54 So at the wedding, the children, 16:57 they were our best man and maid of honor. 16:58 And they were like, "Really, this is going to happen?" 17:02 And it was so unbelievable because Arthur was Mr. Nowlin 17:06 for almost a year. 17:07 Good morning, Mr. Nowlin. 17:08 Good afternoon, Mr. Nowlin. Mr. Nowlin! 17:10 So, Micha didn't warm up to him? 17:13 And she said, "Dinner is served, Mr. Nowlin. 17:15 Mr. Nowlin." 17:16 And one day she came down the stairs 17:18 and she said, "Daddy!" 17:20 And we were like, 17:23 "Don't say a word, don't say a word, okay." 17:25 And we didn't know what to do. 17:27 And he answered the question, and from that point on, 17:29 it was daddy. 17:31 And even at the services, she said... 17:33 Everyone is up talking about all these wonderful accolades 17:36 and how wonderful he is. 17:37 "Well, I didn't like him, 17:39 I didn't want him to marry my mom," 17:41 and then she turned and looked at me 17:43 and said, "Mom, I want to thank you 17:45 for marrying such a wonderful man. 17:48 Thank you for a man who protected me, 17:51 guided me all the way through since the age of 8 to 34." 17:56 That was her father, that was her father, you know. 18:00 And he cared for her, loved her. 18:02 And when she got breast cancer in 2013, 18:06 and we were coming here to do a taping, 18:09 and I had to call you to say, 18:11 "Micha just, you know, diagnosed." 18:13 Yes. 18:14 And the only thing he said on the phone was, 18:16 "I'm on my way." 18:18 That's it. You know, he didn't even mince words. 18:22 "I'm her father," and that's when I knew. 18:25 So I knew that day on the phone when I heard him say that. 18:29 And we began to really spend a lot of time 18:31 with the children 'cause he had to work. 18:33 And then him accepting the Seventh-day message... 18:36 And at what point did he accept the Sabbath? 18:38 Immediately, immediately. 18:39 Really? Immediately. 18:41 Yes. That's incredible. 18:43 You know, when you were talking about the five men, 18:46 that kind of rallied around him and embraced him. 18:48 Oh, yeah. 18:49 That's what we need to do in our churches. 18:51 We need to do it. Across the world. 18:54 Yes, our young people, women, yes. 18:56 Embrace people when they come in. 18:57 And so he accepted the message immediately, 18:59 he was baptized six months later. 19:02 Wow. Yes. 19:03 I invited him to church in 1990, 19:06 he was baptized in '91, and we were married in '93. 19:10 Oh. Yes. 19:12 So we had premarital counseling 19:13 and he started working for me in '91. 19:17 And he said, "This is something I've always wanted to do." 19:20 He did it at his agency, 19:22 but they have the freedom to travel, to speak, 19:24 to write books. 19:26 And so he came to me after we are married, 19:28 he said... I said, "What's wrong?" 19:30 He says, "I want to quit my job." 19:32 I said, "You want to do what?" 19:34 And he said, "I want to quit my job." 19:35 I said, "Well, what do you want to do, dear?" 19:37 He says, "I want to go to school 19:38 and get my Masters, 19:40 but I need someone to believe in me. 19:42 I need my wife to believe in me," you know. 19:44 And so I said "Hmm." 19:46 So I called my mom, you know, and I said, 19:47 "Mom, what do you think?" 19:49 And then she said, 19:50 "If you help this man go to school, 19:52 this man will be just in your corner 19:56 for the rest of your life." 19:58 And my mom helped us get a computer, 20:01 we paid her back. 20:02 And he went to school and got the degree. 20:06 And he says, "Well, I'm not going to march in 20:08 and participate in graduation. 20:10 And I walked into the room, I said, "Get your coat, 20:12 we are going down to get all your information, 20:15 file your paperwork, 20:17 you'll be marching in the Afro-central Graduation 20:19 and also at Wayne State. 20:21 So at the graduation, I'm looking for him. 20:25 And I see this man in the chair after the graduation, saying, 20:28 "Hey, ho, hey, ho." 20:32 And I'm like, for someone 20:34 who did not want to participate in graduation, 20:37 you could not tell him anything. 20:39 And then I gave him a party and he was just elated. 20:43 Now look at... 20:44 See, this is one of the things that I love about you guys 20:49 because there's always 20:52 this element of supporting each other. 20:54 Oh, yes. Being there for each other. 20:57 I mean, you saw that he had a dream, 21:00 that's what partners do. 21:02 That's right. He had a dream. 21:03 He had a dream and instead of you saying, 21:06 "Quit your job, are you crazy?" 21:07 I know. 21:09 No, you checked with your mom which is a good move. 21:11 And then, you probably prayed about it, of course. 21:14 Oh, yeah. 21:15 And then you said, "Go head and do that." 21:18 That says, "I believe in you." 21:20 But not only that, it says, 21:22 "I'm here to help you actualize, 21:25 to help you realize your dreams, your goals," 21:29 just like he could be there for you. 21:31 Oh, yes. 21:32 The highest level of self-esteem 21:34 my mother taught me as a child is to self-actualization. 21:38 Help someone to come ahead of you, 21:40 pull them ahead of you, you know. 21:42 And we were down to one car. 21:44 So I had to pack his lunch, 21:47 drop him off for his clinical and his classes. 21:50 And he would sometimes get angry 21:53 'cause I would be late, 21:54 'cause I would be at the office. 21:55 I had to go get Micha from school, 21:57 I had to do everything. 21:59 And he will be like, "You're 10 minutes late," 22:01 and he would be pouting outside the school 22:04 waiting for me and I'm like, "Arthur, get in the car." 22:07 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. "Get in the car." 22:09 I said, "I'm trying to just keep 22:10 all of this together." 22:11 And so once he graduated 22:14 and started working for the company, 22:16 everything started just to build and grow, 22:19 and we saw things come together, 22:21 his dream, you know. 22:23 Especially he had time to go play golf 22:25 whenever he wanted. 22:27 Oh, we have a picture of him on the golf course too. 22:28 He loved it. He loved it. 22:30 That was his passion, wasn't it? 22:31 Oh, yes. His passion was golf, his love was Christ. 22:34 Yes, but his passion... 22:36 'Cause in the wedding vows, he said, "I shall not dust, 22:39 I shall not clean, I shall only play golf, okay?" 22:44 I can't believe he put that in the vows. 22:46 Yes, yes. He put that in the vows. 22:48 And he was very determined not to do any type of chores. 22:51 Arthur didn't do chores. 22:53 So later on, he would go to the grocery store. 22:56 He didn't like the honey-do list. 22:57 He talked about the honey-do list. 22:59 And I will leave him a list that will take up 23:01 his eight hours a day, you know. 23:03 And I'm like, 23:04 "How do you play golf for 27 hoes 23:06 and then come home and watch golf on television?" 23:09 okay. 23:10 "Well, I got to see this, 23:12 I got to learn this move," you know. 23:13 And I said, "Well, you know what, I'm gonna take golf." 23:15 He said, "Uh, no, no. 23:17 No, that's my time, that's my time." 23:19 He did not want to do that. 23:21 And really, I didn't want to, 23:23 'cause it gave me a chance to have my quiet time. 23:26 That was his space, I have my space. 23:29 Then we came together, the honey-do list, all right. 23:32 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's so good. 23:35 We have a video clip of you and Arthur. 23:39 And actually, it's the tribute that Jason and I did for Arthur 23:44 but we have some clips of you and Arthur in action. 23:47 I want to show those. All right. Okay? 23:51 Arthur Nowlin, our beloved friend 23:53 and co-host of the Dare to Dream program, 23:56 Making it Work, was a funny, sensitive, intelligent 23:59 and spiritual man of God. 24:02 He and his wife, Dr. Kim, were faithful members 24:05 of our Dare to Dream family 24:07 and diligently provided episodes, 24:09 they gave inspiration and hope to the viewers. 24:13 I remember Brother Arthur being sharp from head to toe. 24:17 I mean, even his socks complimented his suits. 24:21 Dr. Kim and Brother Arthur 24:23 were a fine example of relationship goals. 24:27 They worked together, they had an excellent dynamic, 24:29 and they served the Lord together. 24:32 I'm sad that we are even making this video right now. 24:35 But I thank God for the blessed hope of seeing 24:37 Brother Arthur again when Christ returns. 24:40 We have some highlights of Brother Arthur 24:44 and Dr. Kim on Making it Work. 24:47 Take a look. 24:50 Hi. I'm Dr. Kim Logan Nowlin. I'm Arthur Nowlin. 24:53 And welcome to Making it Work. 24:56 Arthur, connected by love. 24:59 I always feel connected to you 25:01 but do I ever smother you or you need your space? 25:04 Well, sometimes you do, Kim, 25:06 but it's okay, I've gotten used to it. 25:08 What? Wait, wait, wait, wait. 25:09 How do I smother you? 25:10 Yeah, you know, there's this thing, 25:14 the honey-do list, okay? 25:15 Oh, my, honey-do list? 25:16 And sometimes it could be a little bit big. 25:18 It could be a little long. It could be a little long. 25:19 I mean, especially after I come in 25:21 from a rough day on golf course. 25:22 Oh, yes. 25:24 Okay, so that honey-do list gets longer and longer 25:26 because you get 18 hours. 25:28 Now can you imagine? 25:30 Now I'm talking Connected by Love. 25:32 Can you imagine 9 holes on the golf course, 25:34 then it turns to 18, then there's 27? 25:37 Well, Kim, that only depends, 27 is rarity, 18 is standard. 25:41 Oh, really? But you should understand that. 25:43 I mean, you've been with me long enough to know 25:45 that I'm going to do 18. 25:46 That's true, Nowlin... 25:48 Okay, Arthur, you know, 25:49 being married and working together, 25:52 it takes a lot of energy. 25:53 Yes. 25:55 Does it take a lot of energy to be married to me? 25:56 Oh, Kim! Why do you say, "Oh, Kim?" 25:58 You know, I don't have enough energy. 26:01 You know, I like things moving. 26:03 I like to keep things going and being motivated. 26:05 Absolutely. 26:06 I think that's, you know, 26:08 wise job to keep her husband going. 26:10 I mean, who gave you that job? 26:12 Jesus, in the name. 26:13 The Lord said, "Submit thyself unto thy husband." 26:16 Oh, no, Kim. Don't you think I submit? 26:18 Do I submit? 26:20 You're taking too long to answer that question. 26:21 Let's move on from that. Let's move on? 26:23 Yeah. No, I want an answer. 26:24 Do you think I'm a submissive wife? 26:26 No. Whoa! 26:28 Really? No, it's... 26:30 I mean... Am I difficult? 26:31 You can be, you know, but, you know, 26:34 once again I have to relay back, Kim, 26:37 how fortunate that you are with the type of person I am. 26:40 And with my personality, 26:42 I'm able to adjust to you 26:46 as well as get you to adjust to me. 26:48 So being equal... Yes. 26:50 Oh, Arthur, I got a scripture for you. 26:51 Okay, come on. Let's go. You ready? 26:53 Yes. 26:54 "He, who finds a wife finds a good thing." 26:58 No. 26:59 "And receives favor from the Lord," 27:01 Proverbs 18:22. 27:03 Wow. That's fantastic. 27:04 He that finds a good wife. 27:06 I'm still looking for that favor. 27:08 Well, you got the good wife. 27:10 Got the good wife. 27:11 Do you remember about how we met? 27:13 Yeah, I can remember. 27:14 Well, I'm gonna go to the part in the bank 27:16 where after I met you, you didn't recognize me. 27:19 And I was so embarrassed, I ran out. 27:22 You've been running all over the place. 27:23 But no, I ran out of the bank, 27:24 'cause you didn't know who I was. 27:26 You didn't remember me. Well, that's understandable. 27:27 Why is that understandable? I shook you up. 27:30 You did. 27:31 But at the end, I got you. 27:33 I got you. 27:35 What do you mean you got me? 27:37 You married me. Oh. 27:38 Okay, you remember you were there? 27:40 Okay. Can we count that as being got? 27:42 Oh, can we? 27:45 Learning how to love. 27:47 When you think about fruits of the spirit, 27:49 what fruit really describes me for you? 27:53 I don't know... You're taking too long. 27:55 Well, I'm trying to find the... 27:57 It's the only 9, there's not 20 fruits now. 27:59 I understand, Long Suffering. 28:00 "Long Suffering" is yours. That's the one. 28:02 You know, why do you say long suffering about me? 28:04 Well, because I mean, 28:06 I've been suffering for a long time. 28:07 You know what? You need to stop. 28:08 You need to stop. 28:10 See, I was gonna say joy, peace, 28:11 you give me a peace that passes all understanding. 28:13 But see, you had to really understand 28:15 what long suffering means. 28:17 Okay, tell me. 28:18 You know, I mean, even though I'm suffering, 28:20 I mean, that's been for a long time... 28:21 Break it down. 28:23 There's a reward at the end of my suffering. 28:24 What's the reward do you have? 28:26 You know that somewhere down the line 28:28 that we'll bring it together, 28:30 and I won't have to suffer as long as I did before. 28:34 That's why we love you and Arthur. 28:36 So funny. 28:38 Yes. So real. 28:40 Oh, yes. 28:41 How do you feel when you see that? 28:43 It just makes me the... 28:46 It's sort of surreal, it's like, this is... 28:49 I know it's happened, 28:51 but I'm so thankful for all that we've shared together. 28:55 You know, you're born, he was, 29:00 I mean, July 3, 1948. 29:03 But that dash before we got to October 30, 2016, 29:08 he took that dash and he's like, you know, 29:13 like corn braiding gravy. 29:14 He just ate it up. 29:16 He was hungry, he wanted a second chance. 29:19 God gave him a second chance. 29:20 And even to the moment he died, 29:23 he asked me on October 30, he said, "Why, why?" 29:27 And I said, "Arthur, you know, Jesus even asked God why. 29:30 You can ask God why. 29:32 But you have to remember God gave you a job experience." 29:35 And he was like, 29:36 "I don't want to talk about job." 29:38 I said, "But let's go back 27 years ago 29:40 when you were first diagnosed," and... 29:43 You know, tell us about why did he die? 29:45 He had... 29:46 Well, first of all, he was diagnosed with a hepatitis C 29:50 and then cirrhosis of liver. 29:51 That was almost 30 years ago. 29:54 But God brought him through that. 29:57 And then around... 29:59 And the hep c, excuse me, the hep c was related to... 30:02 To the drug use 30:04 and also it could have been with the Agent Orange in... 30:10 He was exposed to Agent Orange. Yes, yes. 30:12 Oh, wow. 30:14 So his liver was compromised. 30:16 So with that, one of the cells 30:19 became radical in April, May, 30:23 'cause he was complaining that pain. 30:25 And but what happened was he became ill around... 30:29 We had gone to just claim it, Alberta in Virginia was cold. 30:33 He wasn't feeling good. 30:35 And then we went to Aruba during Easter. 30:39 And so he said that, "I feel better, 30:41 I can do the trip." 30:43 But when he got home, he played a game of golf, 30:45 and that next day from April 23, 30:49 he called me, I was in church. 30:52 He said, "I don't think I can meet you. 30:54 Can you come home?" 30:55 And I took him to the hospital, he had a fever, chills, 30:59 and he was misdiagnosed at the hospital first. 31:04 And he had gone one time 10 days, 31:06 another time 11 days, 31:07 another time 14 days, that was the last time. 31:11 And they found the cancer, 31:14 he had bile duct cancer 31:16 and the radical cell ended there, 31:18 because he couldn't move and pass his bowels. 31:20 And it was so painful for him. 31:23 And so they put stents in to give him some relief 31:27 and that did help. 31:29 But he was on the pain killers, and we were like, 31:31 "This should not still be at all this time." 31:34 And a doctor came in and she said, 31:37 "I'm going to do a report for a surgery," 31:39 that I asked for back in April. 31:41 Now this is July. 31:43 And they told us that it was just a gastric issue 31:46 but we took him to a gastroenterologist, 31:48 and he said, "No, his liver enzymes are too high. 31:51 He needs to see a liver specialist." 31:53 So I took him to another four different hospitals, 31:56 numerous of doctors until we found what it was. 32:00 Had the cirrhosis damaged the liver? 32:02 Yes. Beyond... 32:03 Scar tissue. Okay. 32:05 And yes. 32:06 And so we were looking at a liver transplant 32:08 but he had cells, the radical cells, 32:11 they moved to the blood stream. 32:12 So they could not do the blood... 32:14 They could not do the liver transplant. 32:17 And so from there, they recommended radiation 32:19 because he was too weak for chemo. 32:21 So he made it through 12 treatments of radiation at UVM. 32:25 And he was so happy, 32:26 he was so proud but he had lost 50 pounds. 32:30 So he went from 180 to down to 125, 23 pounds. 32:36 And so he would look in the mirror and he said, 32:38 "Who was this person?" 32:40 And I have to say, "I love you, you're my husband. 32:43 You're God's child, a father of our children." 32:46 And he would cry sometimes. 32:48 He would just cry. 32:49 He says, "I don't understand." And I said... 32:53 And I didn't want him to feel like 32:54 he was being punished by God 32:57 but again right after his death, 33:01 Pastor Snell at First Church, Debleaire Snells, 33:04 he called and said, "Aunty," he said, 33:07 "I can only give you this scripture. 33:09 Isaiah 57:1 and 2 that, 33:11 'God takes the righteous and lays them to sleep, 33:15 to save them from the wicked times ahead.' 33:18 And I had to hold on to that. And I said... 33:21 And my sister said to me, 33:22 "God is saving him from something. 33:24 It could be that he may turn in the last days." 33:26 "The very leaf shall be deceived" 33:29 and God is saying, 33:30 "While I have him, I'm gonna take him." 33:32 May be for me to have even a closer walk. 33:34 Will I continue the ministry? 33:36 Or will I just hide up under the covers 33:38 and give up because 33:39 now I'm on the other side of being Dr. Kim, 33:42 I've lost my husband. 33:43 Yes, yes. 33:45 And this is the most difficult... 33:46 I've lost my mother, my father, a sibling, aunts, 33:50 you know, but a spouse... 33:52 After 30 years. 33:54 Come on, and you've been with this person, 33:56 and you've ministered with this person, you know. 33:57 Yes, yes. 33:59 And even when I met him and I said, 34:01 "Now this is what's going to happen. 34:03 We're going to not have sex before marriage. 34:07 I'm a vegetarian, I'm a Seventh-day Adventist. 34:09 What you're gonna do?" 34:11 I love it. "What you're going to do?" 34:13 This is great. "What you're going to do?" 34:14 "What you're going to do?" 34:15 Obviously, he said, "I'm going to marry you." 34:17 And then he told his golf friends, 34:18 "I can't play golf on Saturday anymore." 34:21 And they spoke, John spoke at the services 34:24 and they all started playing on Sunday. 34:26 But get this, 34:28 before he would go out and play, 34:29 no matter where he was, he would call me for prayer, 34:33 then he would pray with his friends, 34:35 and at the airport he would pray again. 34:37 That was our ministry. 34:38 But they all knew he would be praying with me 34:42 before he headed out no matter where they were. 34:43 Yes. 34:45 And so I would complain 34:47 and fuss about the honey-do list, 34:49 but it was a ministry for him. 34:51 He could have been at the casinos, 34:52 he could have been at the strip clubs, 34:54 he could have been abusing my girls 34:56 but no, he was a Godly man. 34:58 Yes. 34:59 You know, who loved God, 35:01 he loved his family and that man love golf, okay. 35:03 Yes. 35:05 And so I had to try to understand 35:08 even at the last hour, 35:10 holding him 'cause he died with me holding him. 35:13 He died with me holding him. 35:15 And I said, "I love you. I love you." 35:18 And when our daughter, Erin, stayed home 35:21 and got out of her bed and she screamed and she said, 35:24 "No, Daddy." 35:28 And he looked over at her, and he smiled, 35:33 and he looked back at me, he said, 35:36 "I love you," and I said, "Rest, Arthur, rest." 35:42 I said, "I'll see you when Jesus comes, 35:45 just rest now." 35:48 And he looked at me, Yvonne, 35:51 even speaking, he slept away. 35:55 He was speaking and he took that last breath 36:00 and our daughter, Micha, was on FaceTime, 36:03 'cause she was in Hansville. 36:05 Our son, Jason, was there and our Godson Justin. 36:09 And he slept away. 36:12 Even at the end, he was, he didn't want to leave us, 36:15 he told my sister and my cousin Dee, 36:19 "What's gonna happen to my wife and my children?" 36:22 And God... 36:24 'Cause every time I went through something, 36:26 Arthur was there with me. 36:28 Yes, yes. 36:29 You know, every year since 2011, 36:32 it has been such a tumultuous time in our lives. 36:35 Yeah, yeah. 36:37 You've had so many things happened. 36:39 Your daughter diagnosed with breast cancer, 36:41 your mother died... 36:43 My aunt passed away last year. 36:45 That's right. You know, 2015... 36:46 That's right. 36:48 You know, my cousin, Karen's mother, 36:49 and then the fire of the building. 36:52 You know, and then you couldn't have told me 36:55 while I was at my aunt Rachel's re-pass, 36:59 we were the MCs. 37:00 You know, standing by my cousin Karen's side 37:03 that I would be burying my husband a year later. 37:07 You couldn't tell me that. 37:09 And I said, "Lord, what is that you want from me?" 37:12 And I asked God that. 37:14 I said, "What do you want from me? 37:17 'Cause all I have left are my children. 37:20 All I have is my life, what do you want? 37:22 What do you want me to know? 37:24 What do you want me to do? 37:26 I'm faithful. I keep the Sabbath. 37:29 I return faithful tithes and offering. 37:31 I do everything you've asked me to do. 37:35 You know, and Arthur even said, 37:37 "You have a star on your crown. 37:39 There will be no starless crowns, Kim," you know. 37:42 And we begin to talk about Ellen T. 37:44 White's writings. 37:46 And I said, "Lord, please, don't take my husband. 37:50 Don't do this. Don't do this." 37:53 You know, honey, the thing is, the Bible says that, 37:58 "The thief comes to steal and destroy." 38:00 Yes. 38:02 "But Jesus came to give us life and life more abundantly," 38:04 and even in the midst of the darkest times, 38:08 we don't understand why things happen 38:09 but God didn't do this to Arthur. 38:12 He allowed it. 38:14 For whatever reason, He allowed it 38:16 but He didn't do this, the enemy takes our loved ones. 38:19 Death is an enemy. Yes. 38:21 But praise God for the resurrection. 38:23 Oh, praise God. That's all we have. 38:24 Praise God. That's all we have. 38:26 As I was watching the casket go into the ground, 38:30 and my son was, you know, putting the dirt on top, 38:35 and Wednesday, before Thanksgiving 38:37 I went out to take care of his Headstone. 38:40 And so I thought right then and there, 38:43 how great it would be when Jesus comes again. 38:45 Yes, yes. 38:46 "And the dead in Christ shall rise first." 38:49 And I stood there at his grave by myself 38:52 thanking the Lord for his life 38:55 but thanking Jesus for the resurrection. 38:58 And I'm looking towards that day, 39:00 more with an urgency than before. 39:02 Yes. 39:04 Because I want to see Jesus but I want to see Arthur. 39:07 Yes. I want to see him again. 39:09 Oh, yes. 39:10 So I must do whatever it takes to live a life 39:14 that is pleasing for Christ 39:16 and live a life that's gonna be used by God. 39:19 Because I could've called you and said, 39:21 "Yvonne, I'm done. 39:23 I can't go home without Arthur." 39:25 I could've, you know, walked out of my office, 39:27 'cause you know his office is right next to mine. 39:29 You've been there. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. 39:30 You know and walking past that office everyday, I'm done. 39:34 And then are you ready for this? 39:36 On Sunday, my alarm went off. 39:39 Someone broke into my office in February 39:42 and broke into my office just a few days ago. 39:45 Oh, my goodness. 39:46 And I'm like, "Is the enemy so angry with me 39:50 to get me discouraged," 39:52 that you are gonna do everything you can. 39:54 Well, I'm here to tell you, "It's not gonna work." 39:57 Come on. "It's not gonna work." 39:58 Come on, now. 39:59 I'm gonna continue to stay on this battle field. 40:01 That's right. 40:02 I'm gonna continue to witness, I'm gonna continue 40:03 to help others understand the importance 40:06 of what it means, 'cause now I can talk 40:08 from that perspective. 40:09 I can help and do you know, I got a call just a few days 40:12 after Arthur passed, 40:14 from a lady who lost her spouse. 40:16 And I said, "I'll meet with you," you know. 40:19 And people say, "Well, when did you grieve?" 40:20 This is a part of my healing. 40:23 It's a part of my healing to help others. 40:24 You know, when you were talking 40:27 about how you cried out to God, 40:30 you know, like why is this happening? 40:33 And Arthur too, why is this happening? 40:35 And basically, what did I do? 40:38 What did I not do? Why is this going? 40:40 But you know, that is such a normal thing to do, 40:44 that is such a typical thing to do 40:46 when we are in the throws of grief and despair. 40:50 We wonder, "Why is this happening?" 40:55 We know that God has a plan. Oh, yeah. 40:57 It's just so that that point in time, 41:00 you just don't know where things are going. 41:02 That's right. 41:04 You don't know what His plan is. 41:05 You don't know what His plan is. 41:06 No. 41:08 But He says it though, "The plans after you, you know, 41:09 you have no idea..." 41:11 "I know the plan." "I know but you don't know." 41:12 But you don't know. 41:14 "And they are bigger than what you can even imagine." 41:16 That's right. 41:17 And so I have to accept that 41:18 and even in the midnight hour, I wake up crying. 41:22 And I have pictures of him around the house. 41:26 And before he passed, he said, "Kim..." 41:28 'Cause in the family room, there's like pictures 41:30 and big pictures and little pictures. 41:32 Yes. It's just a family room. 41:33 He says, "Kim, I love that picture, 41:35 I love that picture." 41:37 He says, "But, Kim, 41:38 you're gonna have to take some of these pictures down, 41:39 'cause you're going to have a hard time." 41:41 And I haven't taken one down because it tells a story. 41:45 Yes. 41:46 All the pictures tell a story of my life with you. 41:48 Yes, yes. 41:49 And what it's been like to be with you. 41:51 And it's just an amazing journey, you know. 41:56 And how many times he would fight me, you know, 41:58 "I don't want to come to the office" or you know. 42:00 "How many outfits did Yvonne say we had to have?" 42:03 I say, "Thirteen, thirteen episodes." 42:05 "Well, why do we have to finish the book, 42:07 why we got to do this?" 42:08 I actually thought, "Oh, no, no, no." 42:10 I said, "Arthur, Arthur, because you're living a legacy. 42:14 A legacy of love." Yes. 42:15 And that's what he has left with us. 42:17 Yes. A legacy. 42:19 A legacy of love for sure. A legacy of love. 42:21 We have a couple of pictures of you and Arthur. 42:24 And even you in the... Oh, I love that picture. 42:26 Oh, yeah. 42:28 Now is that when you guys were first dating or when was that? 42:30 That was a little bit after we were dating. 42:32 Okay. That's sweet. 42:34 Yeah. Yes. 42:35 We have a couple more. 42:37 Now when was that? That is our new promo. 42:38 We just did that last year to promote the business, 42:42 "The Nowlins, the power couple". 42:43 Yes. 42:45 So I was doing some new marketing strategies 42:49 and some techniques. 42:50 And he was fussing like, 42:52 "Well, why do we have to be in the same color? 42:54 Why do we have to do this?" 42:56 He was just fussing. 42:57 But when he saw it, he would always say, 42:59 "Hmm, I look good." 43:00 Oh, my goodness! 43:02 He said, "That's looks nice." 43:04 That's when I was running for the Detroit city council. 43:08 And he was by my side and getting out, 43:11 getting the pamphlets out, going from meeting to meeting. 43:15 He was so excited that my dream to run for city council, 43:19 he was right there to see that happen, yes. 43:21 That's wonderful. 43:23 He was supporting you in your journey. 43:24 Oh, in every way. 43:26 This was in California, we were at a wedding 43:28 and again there was a... 43:29 'Cause I design a lot of my outfits, 43:31 and he would go and we would get matching ties and socks. 43:35 And he was like, "Okay, 43:37 what are you wearing for the church?" 43:39 He loved that. 43:41 And he used to give me a hard time. 43:42 When he was seeing the picture, he says, 43:43 "Oh, I see what your vision is." 43:47 And that's what he loved to just have. 43:50 He was an immaculate dresser. 43:52 And the way he presents himself. 43:53 And he used it as a ministry to, 43:55 you know, 'cause he worked in the prison. 43:58 When he would walk into the prisons 43:59 and his pants will be up, 44:01 his shoes will be shining, 44:03 he would have on a tie and suit. 44:05 And he would talk to the men in prison 44:07 or the half way houses. 44:09 And they would say, "Mr. Nowlin, 44:11 you're just a jive, 44:14 you are..." 44:16 And he said, "Praise God." 44:18 But even as a little boy, he was tall and thin 44:20 so his suits had to be tailor made. 44:22 But he always had that air about him 44:25 to present himself well and that's why he said, 44:28 "If someone could just believe in me..." 44:31 And I told his ex-wife at the service. 44:35 And she said, "Kim, I want to thank you 44:38 for being there for Arthur." 44:39 And I said, "You had a season, I had a season, 44:44 but most of all, Jesus had his season. 44:47 And Arthur was looking for the Lord." 44:50 And it's amazing when you give your life to Jesus. 44:52 And people don't understand. 44:54 He will take your life if you're open to it. 44:57 And you wonder why if you're stagnated 44:59 and you're not moving, 45:00 are you giving your all to Jesus? 45:03 Are you faithful to the Lord? 45:05 And I remember when Arthur first asked God 45:06 about tithes and offering, he says, 45:08 "So I give money to God," he's like, 45:11 "I can't give," I said, "10%." 45:12 Mm-hm. 45:14 And then we moved to 10-10, and he said now, 15-15, 45:17 but he saw the blessing. 45:18 So 10% tithes, 10% offering. Ten percent offering. 45:21 Fifteen percent tithes, fifteen percent offering. 45:24 He saw the tremendous increase in our lives. 45:27 Not just finances but health, ministry, 3ABN called us. 45:33 And I remember when you call and we got call. 45:36 Oh, yeah. Let's talk about how you came to Making It Work. 45:38 Yes. Well, we got a call from Ray. 45:41 And they were looking for a host for this program. 45:46 And I was at a workshop, and Ray called about 12 times. 45:51 And so I went to the restroom, I was washing my hands, 45:53 I laid the phone down. 45:55 And I said, "Hi. Can I help you?" 45:57 And Ray ask me about this, 45:58 'cause we worked together at camp meeting, 46:01 during workshop, during seminars 46:02 but Arthur would be at the golf courts. 46:05 I will be doing the radio show, workshops, seminar. 46:08 "Kim, I think this will be great for you." 46:10 And I said, "Well, 46:11 I would like to propose something." 46:13 I said, "My husband and I, we do everything together, 46:16 except golf." 46:17 And I said, "I would like to do a program with him." 46:21 And I said, "Can you see 46:22 if Dr. Louise will be interested in that?" 46:25 And you said, "Let's do the pilot," 46:27 and it went from there to Making It Work. 46:31 Oh, praise the Lord. 46:32 You know, Brother Ray had said, 46:34 and I have meant to mention this in the tribute 46:37 that he brought you to us. 46:39 Oh, yes. 46:41 And he had told me, "I have this couple 46:44 that would just be perfect for this program." 46:47 And so I said, "Okay, well let's, 46:50 you know, let's give it a try. 46:52 Let's see." 46:53 And, oh, my... 46:55 From day one, I mean, I just loved what you all did, 46:59 I loved the banter, I loved the chemistry you had. 47:03 I loved all that. 47:04 I really appreciate Brother Ray for bringing 47:07 and for producing all the beginning, 47:10 the early programs, 47:11 Brother Ray and his team in Quiet Time Ministries. 47:15 And people don't realize, it takes a lot of sacrifice 47:17 to do something like this. 47:18 Oh, they have no idea what goes into all of this. 47:20 This is the final product. That's right, that's right. 47:22 But you don't know and Arthur... 47:24 I had done Television for years, 47:26 but Arthur was a radio wag, you know, and he was like, 47:30 "I don't know." 47:31 And I was like, "Well, we're gonna do this together." 47:33 And once you gave Arthur that mic, oh, my goodness, 47:37 you cannot get the mic from him. 47:39 Forget it. Forget it. 47:40 While he was interviewing someone, 47:42 and I would cut back in. 47:43 He was like, "You cut me off." I said, "No, I didn't." 47:46 You know, he's like, "Well, next program, 47:48 let me open it, you know." 47:50 And he said, "You are natural at this. 47:53 I need some rehearsal." 47:54 But he loved it. 47:56 And you did some fillers for us too, love notes. 47:59 And we aired those too where you and Arthur 48:01 are teaching principles of relationship, 48:05 of relationship building and family support, 48:08 that's what we're all about. 48:10 Let's talk before we end, 48:12 'cause this hour's just flown by. 48:14 Let's talk a little bit about how you're doing. 48:16 How are you coping with the loss of your partner? 48:22 It's very difficult. 48:24 I'm sad a lot. 48:26 I miss him. 48:29 I pray a lot. I study my word. 48:35 I try to be strong for my children and my grandson, 48:40 for my church family. 48:44 I didn't stop attending church. I went back that next Sabbath. 48:47 We laid him to rest Thursday. 48:49 I was in church on Sabbath. 48:53 And being in the home is different 48:57 because we were there together. 48:58 This is the home 49:00 we made together for our children, 49:01 and our lives, and Sabbath dinners, 49:04 and fellowships, and federation meetings, 49:07 and the choir rehearsals 49:08 and just so many wonderful memories. 49:12 I can't go into any room without thinking of him 49:15 or why do we have to change the curtains, 49:17 why we need to do this? 49:18 Well, then we'll just get this bedspread. 49:20 And I think for the first five days, 49:23 I couldn't sleep in our room. 49:26 You know, it's very difficult to sleep in our room. 49:30 This is real. I got to be transparent. 49:32 Yeah, please, please. 49:33 And I walk into the room, and I can't go past the door. 49:39 I can't go in that room. 49:41 The door is open, but I can't go in the room. 49:44 Now my son is there or my daughter. 49:48 And I'm gathering things together to give to my son. 49:52 And what's so beautiful, 49:53 our son can wear all his clothes. 49:55 So beautiful! That is beautiful. 49:57 And I'm getting things in order and pulling this out 50:00 and he said, "Well, Mom, why are you keeping this?" 50:01 I said, "You can wear it." 50:04 So I said, "In time, I'll let it go, in time." 50:08 So right now, I'm picking it day by day. 50:11 And, you know, Yvonne, lot of people don't know 50:13 what to say to you. 50:16 They think they're helping you and, you know, 50:19 they will ask you, "How are you doing?" 50:21 And that's not always the right question to ask. 50:25 What are some things to ask? 50:27 What is something that 50:28 someone who has a loved one that's going through 50:31 what you're going through, 50:33 what are some of the things they should ask you? 50:35 They can... You know, don't even ask, just do. 50:39 Just do. 50:40 Just bring food, bring things to the house. 50:44 My mom had this saying, "If you see a void, fill it." 50:48 And it goes without saying. 50:50 And sometimes, people want to talk about it, 50:53 and that's not the right time. 50:55 You know, pick and choose your battles. 50:58 So maybe, "I like to bring a casserole over, 51:02 will that be all right? 51:04 I like to invite you to lunch when you feel better. 51:08 I like to..." 51:10 Or just come up and give a hug. 51:11 But to ask, "How are you doing," 51:14 that leaves me to say, "I'm sad. 51:18 I'm hurting." And then people will say, "Are you still sad? 51:22 Are you still going through this?" 51:24 Oh, my God. I can't imagine that. 51:25 Oh, yes. 51:26 Listen, now it's time for you to move on. 51:28 But you don't know my pain and the depth of pain. 51:33 Until you walk in my shoes, you don't know. 51:36 And you know, what's interesting? 51:37 My sister lost her husband in 2005. 51:41 He was the chaplain at Oakwood University, 51:44 Pastor James Humphreys. 51:46 Oh, yeah. 51:47 And he died in her arms. 51:49 You can tell we both will be widows. 51:50 That was your sister? That's my sister. 51:52 I didn't know. Renee Humphreys, yes. 51:55 And I would call her and try to talk to her 51:58 and she would rush me off the phone. 52:00 And I would tell, "Arthur, 52:01 why doesn't Renee want to talk to me?" 52:03 Now I understand. 52:05 And I told my sister, "I get it now. 52:08 I get it now." 52:09 Someone called me the other night and they said, 52:11 "I heard something, is it true? 52:14 I can't believe this." And I said, "Yes, yes, yes. 52:16 Call me in six months. 52:18 I couldn't deal with it. 52:20 And I love you but this is not the time." 52:23 And they say, "Well, okay, when I call you back, Kim, 52:25 let's talk about this sweet resurrection." 52:27 And I said, "That's fine but not today." 52:29 So just do for that family. 52:32 Embrace the family. 52:34 And, you know, less is better. 52:37 And I guess, be sensitive. 52:39 'Cause what I'm hearing is that people 52:41 need to be sensitive to where you're at. 52:44 Someone might want to talk. 52:46 If they want to talk, be that ear. 52:48 If they don't want to talk, don't try to force it. 52:52 Just let them let you know where to go with it. 52:56 And I think by the time I do nod, the fourth nod, 52:59 that should let you know, maybe I've had enough. 53:02 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 53:05 God bless you. 53:06 And I'm trying to get away. 53:08 And they know they mean well 53:09 but they have to look at the sensitivity of what 53:12 that family is going through. 53:13 And everyone says I'm so strong 53:15 but that's what you see the persona. 53:17 But I've lost my husband. 53:19 He's resting in the Lord. 53:22 He's asleep in the Lord, and I understand, 53:24 that but his physical being, I miss his conversation. 53:28 I miss the bantering. 53:30 I miss, you know, "Where are you going? 53:33 What are you doing? 53:34 Arthur, that's why you have a cell phone, 53:36 call me." 53:37 And, "Arthur, wash the spoon," that was my pet peeve. 53:41 He would get something 53:42 and leave the spoon in the sink. 53:44 He says, "Yeah, it's just a spoon. 53:46 But it's not, it belongs in the drawer, okay." 53:49 So in those last seven months, 53:52 I took him to every doctor's appointment. 53:54 My son took him one time to radiation 53:56 but that seven months 53:58 I was staying in the hospital with him. 54:00 I was sleeping on that bed on the floor, 54:02 I was sleeping in the chair. 54:04 I was thinking, "I go home for one night," 54:05 he said, 54:07 he said, "You have to stay with me." 54:10 I stayed with him every day, every night. 54:14 And if someone came, 54:15 I would run to the office for a little bit. 54:17 But I stopped everything to take care of my husband. 54:20 That's beautiful. 54:22 Even during the process, I went plan based, 54:24 thank you, Dr Louise, your book. 54:26 Well, praise the Lord. 54:27 You know, and others, 54:29 and I really started cleaning up 54:31 my act, my health. 54:32 The Lord really spoke to me to leave a lot of things alone. 54:37 'Cause I've been struggling with my weight. 54:39 And I was going to the gym but I couldn't lose the weight. 54:42 You tone in the gym but you lose weight in home. 54:45 The fork and the spoon. Right, that's true. 54:47 And when he could do nothing but juice and soups, 54:51 that's all I ate. 54:52 And then I was lifting him, picking him up, 54:55 taking him to the rest room. 54:57 And he would cry sometimes because I said, "Honey, 55:00 who's supposed to do this? 55:01 I'm your wife." 55:02 And I would shower him, get him dressed, 55:05 put him in the car, one foot in front of the other. 55:08 "You're my husband." 55:10 'Cause you know a lot of spouses, 55:12 they will abandon a spouse when they become ill. 55:16 Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely. 55:18 Oh, it's too much for me. 55:20 But I was there. Oh, it's too much for me. 55:21 I can't do it, I can't handle it. 55:22 I can't handle it. And they leave. 55:24 And I would try to go upstairs and sleep in the bed. 55:27 When we got home, he was like, 55:30 "Sleep right next to me on the couch." 55:31 He wanted you right there. 55:33 Right there. Right next to you. 55:34 And I think he had a fear of passing 55:37 but when I brought him home, he was in hospice 55:40 and he said, "No more medicine." 55:42 He could have lived a little longer. 55:44 You know, but he said, "No more medicine." 55:47 He said, "I'm done, I'm done." 55:50 And he accepted the outcomes. 55:53 He did. 55:56 It's such a tough journey. Yes. 56:00 This world just offers us the hardest times 56:04 but praise God, we are the worth. 56:06 If we had nothing to hope for, 56:09 if we had nothing to look forward to, 56:11 where would we be? 56:12 We do not mourn as we do not have hope. 56:14 Where would we be? Where would we be? 56:16 What, in about 35, 40 seconds, what would you tell a woman 56:22 who is going through what you're going through. 56:25 Or maybe your husband is in the process of dying, 56:28 what would you say to her? 56:29 I would say first of all... Or him. 56:31 Or him. 56:32 Make sure that you are sincere with yourself. 56:35 Be transparent with yourself. 56:38 Be open and honest and spend as much time 56:41 with your spouse as you can. 56:43 You know, work through those difficult moments 56:45 that really don't matter anymore. 56:47 But "I'm sorry, I apologize, thank you, I love you." 56:52 Embrace one another. Take that time together. 56:56 And then, make sure that you have a walk with Christ, 56:59 'cause that's the only thing 57:01 that's going to get you through this. 57:02 It's your walk with Christ. 57:04 A relationship with Christ, that's the only thing. 57:07 And that's what I would tell anyone. 57:08 Right. Dr. Kim, we love you so much. 57:10 Love you right back. 57:12 Thank you so much for sitting with us today. 57:13 Thank you, thank you. 57:16 Well, I'm so grateful that Dr. Kim took the time 57:20 to be with us and to be transparent 57:23 and to let us know her journey and brother, Arthur's journey. 57:26 We loved him dearly, and we know that you did too 57:29 when you watched Making It Work. 57:32 So thank you for watching. 57:34 Join us next time, 'cause you know what, 57:36 it just wouldn't be the same without you. |
Revised 2017-02-21