Participants: Neil Nedley, Rise Rafferty
Series Code: WM
Program Code: WM000375
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00:35 Welcome to "Wonderfully Made"
00:37 Today, we have Dr. Neil Nedley with us 00:39 And I think my first exposure to Dr. Nedley was through 00:41 some of the books he has written... 00:43 "Proof Positive," and one on depression... 00:45 I've also heard you lecture, Dr. Nedley, 00:47 and I hear that you give some depression recovery programs. 00:51 Yes, in fact, that's part of the most gratifying things that 00:56 we have accomplished, I think, is the 00:58 "Depression Recovery Program" 00:59 It's actually being utilized in many cities throughout 01:03 the U.S., as we're speaking here today. 01:05 It's an 8-part series, an 8-week series 01:08 It's one night a week for 8 weeks. 01:10 And, it actually has been shown to be much more effective 01:14 than medications in depression recovery 01:17 In fact, a lot of people are able to get off of their 01:18 medicines after completing the educational component 01:22 in depression recovery... 01:24 what we're putting into our body, 01:25 and what we're doing with our body. 01:27 That's incredible... One thing that I really 01:29 appreciate about you, as a physician, is your 01:32 effort to educate the public, and give them information 01:36 to actually help them prevent making an appointment 01:39 to have to go see you. 01:40 Yes, there is a lot of good scientific information 01:43 that's been out there, and published by 01:45 major universities, but the average citizen just doesn't 01:48 know about it... Right 01:49 It might get in medical journals 01:51 It may get in some obscure nutritional journal 01:54 And, it may be a landmark study... 01:56 and unless they hear about it from us... 01:58 who are actually treating patients, 02:00 and educating the patients, they won't be able to alter 02:02 their lives and positively benefit from it... 02:04 So, we need to get this information out... Absolutely! 02:07 To introduce our subject today, I just want to share with you 02:10 a quote that I can relate to a little too well... 02:13 It's from Mark Twain, and he said, 02:14 "I have been through some terrible things in my life, 02:18 some of which actually happened" 02:20 And I don't know about you, but sometimes we can have some 02:22 distortional thinking, and yet it affects our reality 02:26 in such a real way... 02:27 And I think the title of the subject today is... 02:31 "The truth will set you free" 02:32 Absolutely... in fact, that's one of the most 02:35 exciting things that has been done in the last generation 02:37 in regards to mental health research... 02:40 is the type of therapy that can actually improve 02:44 brain function significantly is NOT traditional psychotherapy 02:48 Traditional psychotherapy is what many of us learned in 02:51 college, and you know, the Emerson theory, 02:55 and the Freud theory, and there is all of the 02:57 great psychotherapists in the past... 03:00 and the reason why they're called "theories" 03:01 is because they were never proven in practice 03:04 to be better than taking a placebo 03:06 In fact, every time their studies have been put into 03:10 a randomized trial, no better than placebo 03:14 In fact the current issue of "Scientific American Medicine" 03:17 ...the current textbook states that traditional psychotherapy 03:20 has never been shown to be superior to taking a placebo 03:23 in treating depression, or other mental illnesses 03:26 And so, it's something that is exciting... there is a type of 03:30 therapy that can help, and that therapy is called 03:34 "cognitive behavioral therapy" 03:36 Tell me a little bit about cognitive therapy... 03:39 Well, a cognition is a thought. 03:42 And so, what our viewers are thinking right now 03:45 is actually their cognitions... 03:48 And we have them analyze their thoughts 03:51 ...their silent self-talk 03:55 That's the first step of cognitive behavioral therapy 03:58 is to analyze your thoughts 04:00 And then the second step is to try to detect 04:04 distortions in those thoughts. 04:07 And, of course, in order to do that, 04:09 you have to be taught the 10 common cognitive distortions 04:13 that are done by people throughout the world 04:15 ...to see if those thoughts are distorted. 04:18 And then after we find out if those thoughts are distorted, 04:22 which often they are, we then line up those thoughts 04:25 with what is accurate, 04:26 and we re-phrase those thoughts into an accurate setting 04:29 and that requires, a lot of times, where people habitually 04:32 having distorted thoughts, they'll have to write down... 04:34 "Okay, what is the accurate thought"... 04:35 they'll write it down, and then every time they 04:38 think the distorted thought, they'll say... 04:39 "No, that's distorted, I'm going to think this instead" 04:42 And they will think the accurate thought 04:45 And as that becomes a practice, they will significantly 04:49 improve their depression, and a number of other 04:52 mental illnesses can improve with 04:54 cognitive behavioral therapy 04:55 So the truth that's going to set us free make come from 04:59 an external source to try to give us the correct picture 05:02 of what we are actually thinking lies about in our own 05:06 thought processes... 05:07 Yes, it can come from an external source 05:10 It's actually good to study some absolute truths 05:15 in order to be able to pick up the micro truths 05:18 And I think that's why Scripture fits so well with 05:22 cognitive behavioral therapies because there is macro truths 05:25 that are there... 05:26 And as we start focusing in on things that are true 05:29 in principle all the time, we can more easily pick up 05:34 the micro errors that we can have in our thinking 05:39 Why do you think we develop this kind of 05:41 distortional thinking? 05:42 Well, part of it is because our brains are a little bit flawed 05:47 You know, genetically, there is no such person with a 05:50 perfect brain 05:51 And so, we are prone to that from genetics 05:54 We're prone to that from our environment to some extent 05:57 and how we've been programmed or raised, or not raised 06:01 in a particular manner 06:02 And then also, we often foster 06:05 these distorted thoughts ourselves, and we dwell on them 06:08 and we can perpetuate them 06:09 to greater heights than they would be otherwise. 06:12 So this negative thinking that we allow ourselves to 06:15 maybe either hear or that we generate ourselves, 06:18 strengthens that distortional thought process 06:21 Yes, particularly if the negative thinking is out of 06:25 proportion, or magnified. 06:27 It's NOT JUST negative thinking in and of itself that's bad 06:30 I mean, there are some things... 06:31 there are everyday inconveniences that occur 06:34 with everyone, but how we describe those everyday 06:37 negative events in our own thoughts, 06:39 and what we think about them, has a lot to do 06:41 with our future mental health. 06:44 So, we're talking in abstracts now... let's bring it together 06:47 and let's get some specifics... What are some of these 06:49 distortional ways in which we think? 06:51 Well, there are 10 cognitive distortions... 06:54 You know, there are 10 commandments 06:56 that the Bible talks about... 06:57 And there are also 10 ways of distorted thinking. 07:03 Distortion #1 is All or nothing thinking. 07:07 All or nothing, that's like when you use words like 07:10 "you NEVER" and "always" That's right, absolutely. 07:13 I have to admit that I'm at fault for 07:16 using some of those words. 07:17 You know, an example is someone who came to my office 07:20 ...he was quite high in our community, 07:22 in fact, he was a state representative... 07:25 actually a state senator, and he was running for 07:28 the U.S. representative which would be a national 07:30 Washington DC office... 07:32 And he was part of the majority party and he got the nod 07:35 from his party to run, and so it seemed like he was going to win 07:39 Well, he didn't win, and he came in and looked at me 07:45 and said, "Dr. Nedley, I've lost the race for congress, 07:49 I am a BIG ZERO" Ohhhh 07:51 And I could tell by the look on his face, he wasn't joking 07:55 He thought he was a big zero because he had lost the race... 07:59 Now was that true? No 08:01 No, just because you lose a race just because you fail a test, 08:05 just because you have a divorce... 08:09 just because... anything bad happens, you lose your job, 08:13 doesn't mean that you're a big zero 08:15 But yet, that's where all-or- nothing thinking will lead to 08:18 And, it can also work the other way... 08:20 You know, many of the athlete people tend to have the side 08:24 of things where if they had a homerun to win the game, 08:26 they think they're the greatest in the world 08:28 and that can set themselves up for mental problems as well 08:31 Pride is one of the greatest... 08:33 Actually, probably the foremost mental health problem 08:40 is self-pride, and that's what produces over-sensitivity 08:46 It's what produces exalted feelings of yourself 08:52 ...as well as highly opinionated things over things 08:55 that you really shouldn't be opinionated about 08:57 ...those are all pride issues. 09:00 People that are argumentative, difficult to get along with, etc 09:04 ...a lot of those are... the basis of it is pride 09:08 and one of the basis of pride is the "all-or-nothing" thinking 09:11 And it seems like you set yourself up when you're 09:14 extremely PROUD, or you have that kind of 09:17 distortional thinking... 09:18 because as soon as someone attacks anything in which 09:22 you feel your pride is based upon, 09:24 then you're down to the nothing... That's right 09:26 Exactly, and that's why people, in fact... as I've helped 09:30 many people with depression... 09:31 ...in fact, we have run many depression recovery programs 09:35 and then we do follow-up 09:38 programs and they will, to a 09:41 person... And voluntarily themselves, I'm not actually 09:44 trying to get them to say this, but they'll say... 09:46 "You know, what I realize now that I'm a whole lot better 09:48 is what led me into this... was pride" 09:52 And so they will start seeing some of the foundational issues 09:55 that produced the distorted thoughts. 09:57 That's wonderful... So you're able to lead these 10:00 people to the truth in acknowledging maybe where 10:03 their distortional thinking is originating from... Exactly! 10:07 Yeah, unless you get the ax to the root of the trees, 10:10 so to speak... It will grow back.. That's right 10:14 You know, a lot of these things that psychotherapists 10:16 have been dealing with are FRUIT and not root 10:20 And if we really want to change what the tree is producing 10:24 we have to change the root... Cut it down... Yeah that's right 10:28 and that's why dealing with just the fruit which is a lot of this 10:32 so-called "traditional psychotherapy" 10:34 doesn't really work that well 10:35 So what's the next one? 10:36 The next one is... Over-generalization 10:39 Now an example of this actually occurred when I was in college 10:44 A good friend of mine who was a pre-med student 10:47 was shy... a nice-looking young man but shy, 10:51 and he had his eye on a girl for about 6 months 10:53 before he had enough courage to ask her out 10:56 He told us how he was going to ask her out... 10:59 And we thought he had a high likelihood of success 11:01 and he comes back to the dorm ... his head is down 11:04 ...he's walking slowly Ohhhh 11:07 He was turned down! That's right 11:09 And I said, "Glen, what happened?" 11:12 And he said, "Neil, I'm destined to be lonely and miserable 11:16 the rest of my life. " Ohhh 11:18 And, what he did was, he over-generalized in 2 areas 11:22 In fact, I even asked him, "What did she say?" 11:24 And, he said, "She said, that she had another event to go to 11:29 and couldn't come with me. " Hmmmm 11:31 So, it was a legitimate reason! 11:33 Legitimate reason, and so I said, "And so you think that?" 11:38 And he said, "Well Neil, I got to thinking about that, 11:41 and I thought that if she just thought HALF as much 11:44 about me as I think about her, she would have changed 11:48 that event and gone along with me... so I'm destined 11:50 to be lonely and miserable the rest of my life. " 11:54 Well, he over-generalized in 2 areas... 11:55 The first area he over-generalized was 11:57 ...Because she turned him down once, 12:00 he assumed, she was always going to turn him down. 12:03 And, he didn't really know that... that was an assumption 12:07 The second over-generalization he made was that 12:10 100% of eligible women had identical taste to hers 12:15 and, thus, he would be endlessly rejected... Right 12:18 People with over-generalization may 12:20 have a fear of trying new things... 12:22 They do have a fear of rejection 12:25 and it can hamper their ability to succeed 12:28 If the creator of the light bulb, Thomas Edison, 12:33 started to over-generalize after his 10th failure... 12:36 we wouldn't have light today 12:39 and you wouldn't be watching this... That's right 12:41 And so, we have to beware of over-generalizing 12:45 ...it's a very common cognitive distortion 12:47 It seems like a common factor in both the all-or-nothing 12:50 and the over-generalization is that identity is so much 12:55 caught up in whether it was for him... 12:57 this lady receiving him, and accepting him and desiring him 13:01 or the other illustration you give... the man with his job 13:05 Especially for men, their identity is so 13:06 wrapped up in their career, or in our relationships 13:10 Yes, absolutely... 13:12 The 3rd cognitive distortion is "mental filter" 13:15 An example of this was a nice Asian medical student who 13:19 was in my class at Loma Linda University Medical School 13:24 ...and after that first semester, we were studying 13:26 anatomy, histology, embryology, gross anatomy, 13:30 and then they have a final test over all of this with the 13:32 cadavers, and you have to look at anatomy under the microscope 13:35 Very difficult, it's probably 13:36 the hardest semester that I recall in my training... 13:39 And, at the end of that test, I got out a little later 13:44 than she did, but I noticed a group of 13:46 students there, and she was crying... 13:47 And I thought, boy, something bad has happened... what went on 13:51 And so I started listening to her, and she started 13:54 talking about the questions that she had missed 13:56 She could think of 17 questions that she had missed 13:59 and she hadn't even gone back to her textbooks yet 14:01 But she knew of 17 questions already.. that she had missed 14:06 and so she knew that there were a whole lot more 14:09 that she didn't realize yet 14:11 She started going over some of these, 14:12 and I recognized that I had missed some of those too 14:15 And so I started to worry a little bit 14:17 But she went home and told her family that 14:20 she was not cut out to be a doctor... 14:23 that she had failed this test... 14:24 That's why she was crying with the other students... 14:26 She told them she had bombed it and failed the test 14:28 ...No use coming back to medical school 14:30 All of her dreams and aspirations, her family's dreams 14:33 were crushed, and finally someone in the family 14:36 said, "You know, why don't you go back for the 14:39 winter semester, biochemistry, physiology, 14:41 maybe you can retake that next semester, 14:45 and just go a year behind, they'll let you do that 14:47 sometimes in medical school, or at least see what you got. 14:51 She didn't want to go back, she was so sure... 14:53 But she finally did, and she brings her test out 14:57 and there it was... minus 17... 83% 15:01 This is, by far, the highest grade in the class! A+ WOW 15:07 And so, all of that focus on the 17 questions that she did 15:10 through that Christmas break ruined her emotional health 15:13 ...her parents' emotional health 15:16 It affected many of the students around her, 15:18 and that's what the mental filter does... 15:20 when we just focus in on the negative... 15:22 And, you know, in life, there's always going to be 15:24 negative things... that we can talk about, 15:26 that we can discuss Yes... there is 15:27 And when we start focusing in on that, 15:30 we become quite imbalanced, 15:32 and it can affect many other areas of life. Um hm 15:36 Sometimes I think it helps when we do have that 15:39 distorted mental filter on, to take a step back 15:43 from that situation, and to try to even find humor 15:46 in it to lift that STRESS that just seems to be wanting 15:51 to suppress the ability for us to think clearly... Absolutely! 15:56 So, what's the next one? 15:57 The next one is... "disqualifying the positive" 15:59 That's distortion #4 16:01 Now "mental filter" was focusing in on just one aspect 16:04 "Disqualifying the positive" 16:07 recognizes there is the positive 16:10 and actually acknowledges it, but then DISCOUNTS IT 16:13 ...that can be even worse 16:15 An example of how bad this can get... 16:17 This was a patient who was in the behavioral medicine unit 16:20 that the psychiatrist asked me to see for nutritional reasons 16:23 so I could try to improve her brain chemistry from a 16:26 nutritional standpoint 16:27 And so, I was talking to her about that, 16:31 and we got her on a better program for a day or 2, 16:34 and then all of a sudden, she said she was going home 16:37 And I started asking her some frank questions, 16:42 and she started giving me some frank answers 16:44 And she said, "Dr. Nedley, there is NO ONE in this world 16:48 who cares a whip-stitch about me" Hmmmm 16:51 She didn't use the term "whip-stitch, 16:53 but it was somewhat equivalent 16:55 It actually gets into another cognitive distortion 16:57 that she also had on top of that. 16:59 And I said, "You know, that's not true... I care about you, 17:03 I wouldn't be here if I didn't care about you... 17:06 there are other things that I could be doing" 17:09 "I notice the staff... they care about you" 17:11 "They actually like to be in your room... they talk 17:13 to me how they enjoy you being in here" 17:15 And she said, "Dr. Nedley, those people don't count" Hmmm 17:19 ...Because they're not part of the real world. 17:21 "Anyone who is part of the real world... 17:23 doesn't care a whip-stitch about me" 17:25 And then I started talking to her about her friends 17:28 I noticed her friends had come in and visited with her 17:29 I noticed her family had been there... 17:31 They had enjoyed being with her 17:33 And she said, "Those people don't count, Dr. Nedley, 17:37 because they don't know the real me" 17:39 "Anyone who knows the real me, recognizes I'm rotten 17:42 to the core, and they can't think anything positive about me 17:45 Well, here she acknowledged those people, 17:48 but then she discounted it, 17:49 and so I called her psychiatrist and told him 17:52 I didn't think she was ready for discharge yet 17:54 It was more than just nutrition she needed 17:57 Nutrition was an important part to help the 18:00 brain chemistry along, 18:01 but she needed cognitive behavioral therapy 18:03 to recognize the distortions in her thoughts. 18:06 I think there's a lot of people out there who are afraid 18:10 of maybe revealing their true selves because they 18:13 fear just that very thing... 18:14 If they really KNEW what I was like, they wouldn't like me... 18:17 No one would be around for me. Yes, that's right, 18:19 and that's bordering on that disqualifying the positive, 18:24 or actually IS breaking that cognitive distortion 18:27 Actually, we have much better relationships when people 18:31 do know the real us... 18:32 And it's only when we try to cover... that we get ourselves 18:35 into trouble... That's right, because 18:37 really, our relationships of love and intimacy 18:40 shouldn't be based on how good I am at ANYTHING 18:44 it's just that I'm a person, and can receive and return 18:49 that love... Absolutely 18:51 So the next one... 18:52 The next one... Distortion #5... Mind-reading 18:56 That distortion comes under a category called... 18:59 "Jumping to conclusions" 19:00 Ohhh... we can be good at that, 19:02 especially in marriages, can't we? 19:04 We just feel like we KNOW what the other person is thinking 19:06 That's the most common exercise that the average American gets 19:11 It should be physical jumping, but it's actually jumping to 19:14 CONCLUSIONS! 19:16 And how we do that and one of the ways is mind-reading 19:19 and we ASSUME that we know what that person is thinking 19:23 And this happened in New York City... 19:25 We had the privilege of going into New York City 19:27 after September 11... 19:28 We put on the first public 19:30 "Grief and depression recovery Program" there 19:32 at the Midtown Hilton in Manhattan 19:34 and we had the people actually express... 19:37 This is a kind of another program, but there was a lot of 19:39 grief and loss occurring at that time 19:41 And it's actually better often for people to write about 19:43 that loss, so that they can log it and then go on 19:49 But when they don't write about it... 19:51 they think they're going to miss an important part 19:53 in the past, or whatever, and they're 19:54 continuing to dwell on it... 19:56 So we had them write about some of their experiences 19:58 and what was happening 20:00 And one of the ladies actually wrote about how she 20:04 met a person, a good friend of hers on the street 20:08 He passed her up, looked her straight in the eye, 20:10 didn't say "hello" didn't say "hi" 20:12 and just kept on walking 20:14 And she said, this is what's happened to people in N.Y. 20:17 They are just NOT normal anymore 20:22 And this is how bad things have gotten... 20:24 Well, she was already planning on how she was going to 20:27 retaliate against this person when she met him again 20:30 for how he treated her on the street. 20:32 Well, I don't know if you've ever been to N.Y.C, 20:34 Rise, but... twice, but I call it sensory overload 20:39 when I walking down the streets of N.Y. 20:41 There's a part of me that likes it because I love people, 20:43 and I'm just like... Yeah, all the ENERGY! 20:45 But then when I leave there, I'm glad I don't live there. 20:48 So, we asked her to check it out... 20:50 We said, "You need to check this out... 20:53 this could be mind-reading" 20:55 And so, she checked it out, and sure enough... 20:57 He had had an announcement at work... 20:58 He had never seen her that day. 21:01 He was thinking about that announcement 21:03 And he wasn't even really looking at anybody 21:07 So once she found out about THAT, 21:09 and what had happened to him, she was much more 21:11 understanding, and I'm glad she didn't start out 21:13 with the retaliation component 21:14 because that could have affected the relationship adversely. 21:18 And so, that's an example of mind-reading 21:20 So communication seems to be such a key in preventing 21:23 that kind of distortional thinking from coming up. 21:25 I know, sometimes, even with my husband, 21:27 he can be REALLY focused on something... 21:29 and I think, "Oh, I've been trying to talk to him... 21:31 he's not interested in what I have to say" 21:33 and after when I try to communicate, I realize 21:36 what's REALLY taking place in his mind 21:38 and then I don't have to take it so personally, 21:40 and feel offended and hurt.. Yeah, absolutely 21:42 And then you realize he truly is interested in you as well 21:46 The 6th one is "fortune teller error" 21:50 This is in people with panic disorder 21:53 have fortune teller error 21:55 They will tell me that when they are feeling that way, 21:57 they're either going to pass out or go crazy... Hmmm 22:00 And I'll say, "Well how many times has this happened?" 22:02 "Oh, many times, Dr. Nedley" 22:04 How many times have you passed out when you felt this way? None 22:08 How many times have you gone crazy? 22:11 "Well, I really haven't gone crazy" 22:13 And so then I'll say... 22:14 "Well then, obviously, that's not a true thought... 22:16 to say that you're going to either pass out or go crazy" 22:19 You need to replace that thought with what is true... 22:22 Let's accurately describe this... 22:23 And as they more accurately describe it, 22:25 it actually HELPS the panic disorder... 22:27 Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the things that 22:29 helps panic disorder 22:31 Fortune teller error is also assuming that if you do 22:35 something... for instance, you leave a message 22:36 on someone's machine... tell them to get back with you 22:38 ...they don't get back with you, 22:39 you think about calling him again, but you think... 22:41 "Well, they weren't interested, and they're just going to 22:45 think I'm obnoxious"... that's the fortune teller error 22:48 "They're going to THINK I'm obnoxious, 22:51 so I won't call them back" 22:52 And then 2 weeks later, you find out that his 22:53 answering machine wasn't working, 22:55 and he never got the message 22:56 ...And it would have been helpful for you to call back 22:58 And so, that's a fortune teller error 23:00 Another example of a fortune teller error 23:02 is suicidal thoughts. 23:03 People who are suicidal think they know more about 23:05 their future than God does... 23:07 And they DON'T... they think they know their future 23:10 but they have the fortune teller error 23:12 and it's very important for suicidal patients to 23:14 understand this cognitive distortion 23:16 because it will clear their suicidal thoughts once 23:19 they think accurately 23:21 So they start predicting a future event 23:23 and assume that is their reality... That's right, yes 23:27 And don't see any other options out there... That's right 23:30 In fact, that's one of the things that this 23:32 Depression Recovery Program is very helpful in... 23:34 is helping people that have had those suicidal thoughts 23:37 or currently toying with the fact 23:39 because this will bring them hope 23:41 They'll realize there are all sorts of modalities 23:44 they had never any clue of that can help them significantly 23:48 and improve their life from hereon out. 23:50 I think that that can be the greatest benefit 23:53 in facing any one of our distortional thought patterns 23:58 and that is HOPE or FAITH 24:00 and BELIEVING that something positive can actually 24:03 be out there... 24:04 You know, maybe this person ignored me... 24:07 but well maybe he had a reason 24:09 There might have been something positive 24:11 that was taking place in relation to myself, 24:13 rather than always negative... Exactly, yeah, very important 24:16 The 7th cognitive distortion is "magnification or minimization" 24:21 This is where we get things out of proportion 24:24 People that use, what I call the "HTAs"... 24:28 ...the horrible, terrible, awfuls... Oh yeah! 24:31 That is magnification 24:33 And, often they'll use these terms in 24:36 everyday negative events 24:38 It sounds SO GOOD.. you're really describing the event! 24:40 ...HORRIBLE, AWFUL Yeah! 24:42 But that actually has an impact on the brain 24:46 ...On that own individual's brain, 24:48 as well as impacting others 24:49 So the expression deepens the negative impression... Exactly 24:53 And it's good to utilize the correct terms.. 24:56 It may have been an inconvenience... 24:57 It may have been something that the person didn't prefer 25:00 But, you know, let's use those terms accurately 25:03 And when people start getting into curse words... 25:06 that's even a worse magnification or minimization 25:10 If you notice the curse words and how they are used, 25:13 they're WAY OFF the scale in regards to what actually 25:16 took place 25:17 And my father, although he probably didn't know 25:20 cognitive behavioral therapy, or the 10 cognitive distortions, 25:23 he taught me growing up... 25:24 He said, "Anyone who uses curse words... it's a sign of 25:27 a limited vocabulary" 25:30 And actually, it is limited, because they are not 25:33 accurately describing things well at all. 25:36 And so, even my own children, I've had to teach them 25:41 ...People with magnification or minimization also have 25:45 low frustration tolerance... 25:46 That's a key of breaking that 7th cognitive distortion... 25:50 We call it... "LFT" 25:51 And the ability to tolerate the everyday frustrations 25:55 of life is really due to breaking the 7th 25:59 cognitive distortion 26:01 And recently they were out on the ball field 26:03 and had their emotions get out of control 26:07 and I didn't let them leave that ball field until they 26:09 sang a song that said, "I-don't-like-it, 26:14 I- don't-like-it... It's-okay, it's-okay... na-na-na-na-na-na 26:16 I- can-stand-it-anyway... 26:20 I'm-all-right, I'm-all-right" 26:22 It took them a while to learn it because their 26:23 emotions were out of control, 26:25 but when they learned that, 26:27 it was helpful for them to realize there are things 26:30 that we don't prefer happen, but we CAN stand it 26:34 ...and when we tell ourselves we CAN'T stand it 26:36 which isn't really true, we get ourselves into deeper problems 26:40 It's probably just communicating... 26:41 rather than saying... "bleepity-bleep-bleep" 26:43 just saying, "I'm disturbed... That disturbed me deeply 26:45 because such-and-such took place" 26:49 That at least gives us an outlet Right... 26:51 Sometimes I think people use the curse words 26:53 just so they can express their frustration 26:55 but there are other ways and I think you taught your boys 26:57 They would be much more effective if they described it 26:59 accurately 27:00 The 8th one is "emotional reasoning" 27:02 Emotional reasoning goes like this... 27:04 "I feel like a dud, therefore, I am a dud" 27:06 Procrastinators have emotional reasoning... 27:08 "I don't feel lie doing anything right now... so I won't" 27:11 And so, we need to recognize 27:13 feelings come and feelings go 27:14 Feelings are deceiving! Yes! 27:16 And so, that's the answer to the 8th cognitive distortion 27:21 And the 9th cognitive distortion "labeling or mislabeling" 27:24 This is when we use terms for ourselves, or for others 27:27 that are not really accurate and can get us out of control 27:30 We've had people with obesity label themselves as pigs 27:34 and then go into the refrigerator and eat the 27:36 whole half-gallon of ice cream! 27:38 And so, that's not helpful. 27:40 "Personalization" is the last one. 27:42 ...And that's where we confuse INFLUENCE with CONTROL 27:45 And we think we have control... 27:47 But we really have influence, and we can really 27:49 get that out of proportion. 27:51 Thank you, Dr. Nedley, again for a wonderful program... 27:53 My pleasure, Rise! 27:55 You know, the Bible says that... 27:56 "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he" 27:59 And I hope that today's program will help you not only 28:01 in maybe identifying some distortional thought patterns 28:04 you might have, but also in finding 28:07 the truth that will set you free... 28:09 I'm so glad you joined us today! 28:10 Until next time... |
Revised 2014-12-17