A Father's Heart

Mrs. Dad: Mom will never be dad.

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Xavier Morales (Host), Gordon Fraser, Denry White


Series Code: AFH

Program Code: AFH000009A

00:01 A good father takes time to play
00:05 He has strong integrity
00:08 He is someone that is truly dedicated
00:11 He's not afraid to show his love
00:15 He's a caring provider
00:19 And, he's a kind, spiritual leader
00:22 These are just a few ways to describe a father's heart
00:30 Hi welcome to A Father's Heart. My name is Xavier and I'll be
00:33 your host. Today's topic is Mrs. Dad
00:36 Mom will never be dad. Often times in society we have
00:40 single mother homes and we put a lot of influence and burden
00:44 on the moms to become fathers
00:46 But what role does the father play in that?
00:49 And with me to talk about that today is Gordon and Denry
00:52 Welcome guys. How're you doing? Thank you
00:54 Doing good. Glad to be back man
00:56 Awesome, so what do you guys think, Mrs. Dad?
00:59 Mrs. Dad. What is the role of mom and dad, missing father
01:06 essentially. How does that play out? I mean can the mom partake
01:10 or become a father? You know we have a lot to be thankful for
01:14 for mothers. Especially mothers who don't have a husband
01:20 or the father of the child is not in the child's life
01:23 and they try to balance now, you know, not just the check book
01:29 but balance the meals, balance the car repair, balance all
01:36 these things, all these roles if if you want to give them roles
01:38 and take care of the child. Some times it seems impossible
01:45 but some of them do a good job trying to balance, this juggling
01:49 act you know. So just want to you know, the mothers we're
01:54 grateful for them, for those who do. Now the opposite
01:58 sometimes you have mothers who feel like they have to be so
02:03 independent of the fathers. They want nothing to do with father
02:08 And that's a little bit difficult, problematic today
02:13 God has given specific roles and I still firmly believe in roles
02:19 although that might not be the political correct thing, but
02:22 God has given fathers a specific role and given mothers specific
02:26 role and the role of the father cannot be replaced
02:31 Unfortunately some mothers through circumstances are forced
02:37 into being fathers because let's face it, the men are absent.
02:44 For whatever reason so that mother's placed in that role
02:48 And so she has to do the best that she can but what I have
02:51 found out is that a lot of times especially if there's a boy
02:57 that she's raising, it's quite difficult.
03:01 So the role of the father is important in the home
03:06 Cause you really can't replace them.
03:08 It's what we face today though. Why can't a mother become
03:14 a priest in the home? Why can't a mother fulfill the God-given
03:19 duty of the father if the father's missing though
03:21 I mean isn't what we're there for. God can do anything right?
03:25 Yeah. Right. But she can't fulfill the role of the father
03:29 she may substitute but she will never be, she'll never be able
03:33 to fulfill that role cause that is not how God has designed it
03:37 No one can fulfill the role of the father, but the father
03:41 in heaven. So no one can fulfill the father's role but
03:45 the earthly father and there's no way we could do it, so men
03:48 have to realize that so they need to be a part, they need to
03:53 stay in the home. I have a few tools here
03:56 just for a demonstration. If there's a nail that needs to be
04:03 hammered in, you know I could try to use the back of this
04:06 I mean it may get the job done depends on the texture of the
04:10 wood or, but it'll take longer
04:13 and actually I'm doing more damage to the screw driver
04:17 than if I had a hammer. Put the hammer in there, boom, boom
04:22 it's in. Now the reverse. If I need something to be screwed in
04:27 I can probably try to use the back of the hammer
04:30 and try to maneuver it in, but it will be difficult, it will be
04:34 harder, I mean sometimes it depends on if it's a corner
04:38 imagine like if it's in a corner this will block, you know it
04:41 will be almost impossible. But if I have a screw driver
04:45 Kerr go right it. And so similar like he said the role
04:51 it's not that a woman is not able to stand in the gap
04:58 but God made us with certain created roles, you know, certain
05:05 roles, duties. Even our bodies are designed for certain things
05:10 in certain ways so that we can fulfill those roles and if those
05:14 roles are not met, there's void there's empty spots
05:18 in the child's life and only the father could fill that role
05:25 and only the mother could fill the role, cause you don't want
05:29 to reverse that. Only a mother can fulfill her role and
05:33 only the father could fulfill his role
05:35 I was thinking about, say, football. I'm not big in playing
05:39 football and stuff like that. You are, ok, that's alright
05:45 But think about this. You have a boy and the mother's trying
05:49 to play football with that son you think that son is going to
05:53 go hard as he would with the father?
05:55 No, the son is going to hold back. And he wouldn't get the
05:58 full treatment that he would need, the full, you know
06:03 the full tackle or whatever from the mother. So really
06:06 she can't fill the role. The mother is the nourisher
06:09 she nourishes. But the father is there to make sure that
06:14 everything fits together. That's his role and really can't
06:18 I'm not going to disagree with you, I see where you're going
06:20 But some mothers will probably disagree with you on that one
06:24 I have experienced some mothers and have even interacted
06:28 my wife sometimes when she's out there with the boys
06:31 you hear her even more than me, Man up, you know
06:35 run that ball fast, what are you doing?
06:38 Let me show you how to tackle, let me show you how to get
06:41 this done right. So I can see that, but now let me give you
06:46 a personal example when I was going through puberty.
06:51 I was going through puberty. I had questions
06:54 The only person I could talk to for real was my mother
06:58 and it was very difficult as a boy discussing these things
07:03 with your mother. You know what sometimes she tried, the lady
07:06 tried. You know what she had to resort to? A book.
07:09 Or she had to ask male friends my step father crept in around
07:13 that time but he was still in the, I don't know,
07:16 this is my son I don't want to talk about his private parts
07:19 and all that, ugh, he felt uncomfortable just like me
07:22 But if I had my dad there and he was active I'm sure, hey dad
07:28 there's things changing, what's going on?
07:32 These things are important because, for example, I know
07:34 somebody that when they were growing up their dad wasn't
07:38 really there and they were going through a bad situation
07:41 you know, abuse. Not sexual but physical and psychological
07:47 And this person, they wanted their dad to rescue them
07:52 And she called and got answers and everything but her dad just
07:58 told her that your mother needs to deal with it, you need to
08:02 live with your mother cause you're a girl.
08:04 And to me, she wasn't asking to just say rescue me or relocate
08:10 me, she was just saying protect me. There are roles that
08:14 you know, mothers, single mothers, I tip my hat to them
08:20 I myself know one because I have an ex-wife. She's raising
08:24 our daughter but I'm there. There's roles that, you know
08:27 she recognizes that I'm married and I have my own family but
08:31 at the same time my wife now recognizes that I still have
08:34 a role to play for my daughter and I'm there. That's the
08:38 critical thing you know. We, a lot of times, we discard
08:41 we discard things, we discard our children just because
08:45 if she's a girl she lives with her mom that's all she needs
08:47 No she needs her father. If the child is a boy, that's ok
08:53 I'm just going to give him enough or talk to him over the
08:55 phone and give him coaching. No you need to be there physically
08:59 And the mothers that are out there are doing tremendous jobs
09:03 Yes they are. But it's not fair to them to take the part that
09:09 we play upon themselves 24/7 we need to step up and also
09:13 be there and alleviate some of the stress even though
09:16 we might not be with them, it's not fair to her or the child
09:20 So we need to as men, I believe and I know in my heart
09:23 that we need to work on being there for our children
09:26 no matter what the circumstance
09:29 The protective role, I mean you're alluding to that
09:32 the whole thing of protecting, the husband, the man
09:35 is protecting the child or the home environment
09:40 Personal experience, someone that I know, single mother
09:46 again we take our hats off to them, we cannot
09:50 we can't downplay that. But because the father wasn't there
09:54 cause the father was in a different state, living in a
09:58 different state, that child, that girl child
10:02 was vulnerable to sexual abuse
10:06 and it scarred her for most of her life
10:09 into her adult life, because the mother had to depend on
10:14 some folks that she knew
10:18 in the church, a man in the church to take care of
10:23 so when she's at work, checking on the girls, making sure that
10:26 they're ok. But instead of just checking in as a good person
10:31 he was no good and then how things happened to that young
10:36 lady that has scarred her for life. So the role of the man is
10:40 important. That's why I'm passionate about us men
10:44 staying in the home. To protect little girls, protect your boys
10:51 And then you know, we try, society is very, as a good
10:56 friend of mine would say, like to stereotype the roles
11:01 men have to have tools and all these things you know.
11:05 What about us men teaching our boys how to cry?
11:12 What it is to share your emotion Back in the days men died and
11:18 and still now it's statistically known, men die at a younger age
11:23 compared to their wives because men used to hold everything in
11:28 We still do. Don't talk about it Don't cry about it
11:32 We look at Christ. Now he didn't go around bawling as you say
11:38 in the island, bawling. He shed tears now and then
11:42 and He was still able to conduct Himself as a man, right?
11:49 But He shared His emotion. He shared it with His disciples
11:53 Hey I'm about to leave, I'm broken hearted, can you pray
11:56 little longer. He was tender with children
12:00 Come here, sit on my lap. Let me tell you how much I love you
12:04 WE try to make it that men are supposed to be this macho thing
12:09 And so when you even see these un-biblical marriages
12:14 You know what I'm talking about
12:17 same sex marriages. You have two females. You usually have
12:22 one female that's trying to be the super macho man
12:28 which is not what she's designed to be and which is not even the
12:32 image that God created the man to be.
12:34 And so you have those extremes because of the world's view
12:38 that the woman is the only one that's supposed to have emotions
12:41 the only one that's supposed to cry but that's not
12:43 we need to teach our men and even our daughters, you know
12:48 how to gauge their emotions.
12:50 But I do think, I hear what you're saying but I do think
12:54 that that's the reason why God has created it where there's a
12:58 husband and a wife in the home because the emotional,
13:03 that nourishment part we can't really do a good job.
13:07 we can try but men we need a woman to really teach our boys
13:14 how to be gentle, how to be soft you need a man on the other side
13:17 teaching boys how to be hard and teaching girls how to stand up
13:24 for what they want. This balance needs to be in the home and
13:28 I believe that's why God said it's not good for man to be
13:31 alone I'm going to make a fitting mate put them together
13:34 and in that environment you have a child
13:39 And so both parties have a role in the development of this child
13:45 Unfortunately through sin we're doing all kinds of stuff now
13:49 But if there's a home and a man is not in the home
13:53 for whatever reason that man needs to play an important role
14:00 in the child's life even though he's not at home.
14:04 Go over, spend time, whatever you need to do
14:06 You need to be involved in helping that young man or
14:10 that young lady to become all that they can be
14:14 What's crazy about all this is as a result of this lack of
14:17 parent or father in the home we have things like people
14:21 literally going out and changing their body, change their sexes
14:27 men trying to become women and women trying to become men
14:29 and it's not anymore about dress up, it's literally they're
14:33 trying to physically change and I'm just, you know, this is so
14:38 the lack of father and along with other things but a lot of
14:42 because the devil seeks to destroy families.
14:43 And the lack of fathers in the home and let's just say
14:47 for whatever reason, whatever circumstance we don't condone
14:50 babies outside of marriage and anything like that, but reality
14:54 is that we see that and those fathers are still missing too
14:56 So because of all that we have our children changing physically
15:00 changing their sex into some thing else.
15:03 To fit it. God made a mistake, no He did not
15:07 We made the mistake in not being there for you
15:10 You know we have so many different things that are
15:14 happening to our children because we just cannot get
15:18 our act together and the homes are being broken up and fathers
15:21 are going missing and fathers are not being there and children
15:24 are doing all kinds of things to find the identity that can
15:28 only be found in Jesus Christ through the model of father
15:33 and mother. You know we have a real epidemic in our society
15:38 and we have men engaging in homosexual marriages
15:45 and one trying to be the female and I'm not saying these are bad
15:49 people, they're not bad people they're just misguided
15:54 They're still children of God. But us who are no better than
15:59 they are, because we're all sinners, we need to do something
16:04 about standing together, not in sin but in recognition
16:08 of the One that takes away the sin and empowers us to be the
16:12 fathers that we need to be. Because we're losing it
16:16 We're losing it psychologically physically, molecularly
16:19 we're losing it. I think we talked about this already
16:25 Growing up because the father, my dad, of course he was in
16:31 and out working I found myself playing around with my mom's
16:36 high heeled shoes and I wore them going around the house
16:40 I had no idea why I'm doing that. Thank God I had a balance
16:47 But what is happening when you have these two men trying to
16:56 one trying to be a mother and one trying to be a father
16:58 however they're doing it, and you have a child involved
17:02 I do believe there's some misguided feelings and some
17:06 misguided situations that happen in their lives
17:11 I have friends, the father was out busy most of the time
17:17 traveling, preaching, doing all kinds, so the mother
17:20 was that person in the home spent most of the time
17:24 both of those young men they have altered life styles
17:32 totally altered lifestyles. Some times I wonder is it because
17:39 the father wasn't a permanent figure in the home?
17:44 Could it be? I don't know. But I do know men play a strong role
17:52 in the home as God placed, God put us there for that reason
17:56 to be that strong person.
17:59 When Adam and Eve ate the fruit I don't think we realized
18:02 the repercussions of what sin did
18:06 and a lot of babies are born genetically modified because
18:13 of sin, ok. Whether that's emotionally mentally physically
18:19 Right? Physically. There are unfortunately some individuals
18:23 who are born with dual sex, whether it's shown outside or
18:29 inside and a lot of it could be mental
18:33 Now if you don't have someone guiding you
18:36 whether what extreme that could be, guiding you'd say, hey son
18:41 I see with some heels on, okay we laugh at that but you'd look
18:46 better in some sneakers.
18:50 Oh you are supposed to be wearing sneakers.
18:52 You see what I'm saying. But you see how we do it, a lot of times
18:55 because we have this stereotype that you know macho is what we
19:02 see back in wrestling and all that, we see man all this
19:05 just steroid men, always muscles right? And so we always go
19:10 to extreme but we forget even as men to treat our children
19:16 with delicacy. The perfect man is someone who stays grace
19:21 and so instead of what we always say, as soon as we see them
19:25 a boy putting on a dress or whatever, boy what're you doing
19:30 callin him names, loony, such as all these names
19:33 we should, in love, just like how Christ dealt with us
19:38 Hey I see what you're doin there let me show you a better way
19:44 Let me show you a better way, look at how I dress
19:49 you like daddy's suit? Model that. So now the child is
19:54 learnin. Hmm. So instead of the scorn because now when you scorn
19:58 them they'll go down and find someone who can relate with them
20:03 Oh, he's wearin you know strange excuse me, I have this and now
20:09 you don't know his standards I'm just using an example
20:12 but you don't know his standards and so now somebody else
20:15 is influencing your child. But if we do it in grace
20:19 we can be such tremendous guidance to some of these
20:22 young men and young ladies who have been misguided because of
20:26 sin. I want to take it back to what you said you know
20:29 number one, we can't treat our children with delicacy
20:33 they're not food. I remember you said delicacy, I was laughin
20:36 I said delicacy? I meant delicate
20:41 Even though you feel like you're so cute, hahahaha
20:44 when they're babies, when they get teenagers, get out
20:49 Be a little softie. But you know we do need to treat our kids
20:54 delicately as men, even as men
20:56 And we've got to remember that mom will never be dad
21:00 not that they don't strive to be the best father they can be
21:06 as mothers but in reality you can't.
21:09 We need to be there. Even if your parents are together
21:13 even if you don't go separate, whatever the case may be fathers
21:17 need to be present not just physically but emotionally
21:21 psychologically, spiritually, because that's one thing again
21:24 it's just spiritually, what does it do spiritually for these
21:28 children, I mean what does it look like from the Biblical
21:30 perspective? It tears them down A view of God, of course
21:36 has been marred because they're not seeing that father in the
21:40 home, or they're just seeing the mom. It does tear them down
21:45 But I wanna talk about something real quick. I notice now that
21:48 there's a new thing they do in the hospital when the babies
21:50 are born and I think it's great is that they actually have the
21:54 dad will take his shirt off and put that child on
21:57 dad's chest and I think that's a wonderful bonding thing
22:01 and do the same thing to the mother. It shows that somehow
22:05 in society we realize that there's some importance in that
22:09 initial bond. My son, when he was born he was home you know
22:15 his place was on daddy's chest and when my daughter came
22:20 I figured where should she be so her place was in my arms
22:24 and that to me they found comfort, they were comfortable
22:29 there and not only that but I prayed with them.
22:34 I prayed for them and I was there, so that spiritual role
22:40 was of vital importance from the inception.
22:44 Let me address something also. I mentioned it earlier.
22:47 That you have mothers who disconnect the child from their
22:53 fathers because their relationship was broken
22:59 so the child gets punished because of whatever happened
23:02 in that relationship. And then you have mothers who
23:08 tell the child, your dad is no good. All these kind of names
23:13 all these lies. And so the child at times grows up hating the
23:18 father and sometimes these fathers they want to play a role
23:22 in their child's life but they have been given restraint orders
23:27 their privileges have been taken away, all these things
23:29 and they can't get involved so now the child grows up
23:32 20 something years old and mad at dad
23:36 for no reason at all, because why? The mother was upset
23:41 about whatever happened in the relationship and instead of just
23:44 dealing with that between her and the father she puts all that
23:48 all that on the child and now the child lives with that guilt
23:52 and that anger for the rest of her life and now the cycle just
23:55 gonna repeat over and over and over again.
23:58 But even so I still feel, and I know that happens, but that
24:04 father needs to do everything possible. But sometimes they
24:07 can't. There's a court system Sometimes I've dealt with some
24:11 guys, one guy and he tried, he tried everything yes he does get
24:17 once but what he really wants to do, everything he does
24:21 she'll undo at home. Yes, that's the difficult part. She really
24:26 hates him. And so that's what I'm saying, a lot of times
24:30 whatever happened between you whatever's broken, whatever
24:33 it was your choice. This child had nothing to do with that
24:36 That needs to be between you and your husband, you can hate
24:39 each other but give the man the privilege to raise his child
24:43 to be part of the child's life, that's all I'm saying.
24:46 And I agree with you but there are some men that just give up
24:51 after a while. So you know what Forget it, I'm not gonna fight.
24:55 But I'm gonna say, fight. Fight until the end because the child
25:01 needs you and I believe it's time for men to stand up
25:06 Yes. It is. Stand up and say my child is important to me
25:11 so I'm going to do everything that I possibly can to be in
25:16 the child's life. It's time for men to stand up and stop making
25:19 excuses that they can't be in their child's life.
25:22 I heard a story about a young man, recently said, his father
25:27 relocated, relocated so he can be there in the area even though
25:33 the mother and him, the relationship was broken
25:36 he relocated (that's a powerful father) so he could be there
25:39 he gave up his job, I mean that is what I'm talkin about
25:42 whoever he is, I give a dab to him. He relocated
25:46 so he could be, a lot of fathers uh, that's that's your business
25:50 you move on with your life, I'll send you a letter now
25:52 and then. It's crazy because as I think about it you know
25:56 when mom tries to be dad that's just not gonna happen
25:59 No. And right now I would hate to see if God gave up on us
26:06 the way we give up on our children. I would hate to see
26:09 that day. That would be a dark day. Mercy. You know even Jesus
26:14 Himself on the cross felt the distance from the Father
26:18 even though His Father hadn't given up on Him. But the sin
26:22 that we ourselves put on His shoulders, He felt it so deeply
26:26 that He felt a disconnect from the Father and I'm telling you
26:31 I'm telling you there's no suffering like that if our Maker
26:35 if our perfect creator suffered separation from the Father
26:39 imagine what our children would feel a separation from their
26:45 fathers. There is no excuse. Look even if you have the worst
26:51 wife or the worst ex-wife in the world and I know guys like
26:56 this, they fight, fight, fight the kids grow up and they
27:00 won't know and the thing is, the sad part is that the mothers
27:03 that do do that the kids end up hating them. Exactly.
27:05 And that's the bad part. So creating this atmosphere
27:09 number one needs to be a father's job to, you know, help
27:13 the kids even though the mother maybe against them,
27:15 help the kids to see that mom is just misguided.
27:18 We still need to love her and respect her, she's your mother
27:21 So understand that. So with that guys, we ran out of time so
27:26 We need to do a Part 2
27:29 To our viewers out there, thank you for joining us today
27:31 If you have any questions please send them to AFH@3ABN.ORG
27:36 AFH@3ABN.ORG
27:39 Fathers out there, again the mom will be a great mom but
27:43 she cannot play the role of dad. You're still not without excuse
27:48 step up, be there even if you can't get along with her
27:51 even if you're married and do get along, doesn't matter what
27:54 the cause or circumstance, be there for your children
27:57 Please. Their life depends on it Thank you for watching.


Revised 2017-01-11