Participants: Xavier Morales (Host), Gordon Fraser, Denry White
Series Code: AFH
Program Code: AFH000011A
|
00:01 A good father takes time to play
00:05 He has strong integrity 00:07 He is someone that is truly dedicated 00:11 He is not afraid to show his love 00:15 He is a caring provider 00:19 And, he's a kind, spiritual leader 00:22 These are just a few ways to describe a father's heart 00:30 Hi, welcome to A Father's Heart. My name is Xavier 00:33 Today's topic is Jesus Wept 00:35 Fathers can cry too. Society tells us that we can't, 00:39 but I know we're allowed to cry and with me to talk about it is 00:43 Denry and Gordon. How are you guys doing today? 00:46 Pretty good man, doing well. Doing great man 00:48 Glad to be here, so glad to be here. 00:50 So, society says men can't cry 00:53 we shouldn't cry, we have to man up 00:56 you know, no tears, no nothing just deal with the situation 00:59 no emotion. But the Bible says Jesus wept 01:04 So why can't fathers cry too? 01:09 Well you should take that one now. I was thinkin you'd take it 01:11 you're the older father, probably you've cried more tears 01:15 than we did or did you not? You know, it says it twice 01:20 when Lazarus passed and when He was in Jerusalem 01:23 and it could be also when He was in the Garden of Gethsemane 01:28 you know it says He was very emotional in the Garden 01:31 so it doesn't say that he cried but He had lot of emotions 01:35 in the Garden. But the thing about it, think about it 01:38 if Jesus could shed some tears and these were realistic tears 01:43 I mean Lazarus died, the crowd was crying, everyone was crying 01:47 and He got caught in the moment also 01:49 and then He cried over Jerusalem how they rejected Him 01:53 how the people rejected Him, so these are some of the things 01:57 that we deal with, as fathers. 01:59 Rejection. You know sometimes when others are around us 02:03 we get emotional, like a funeral I've seen men cry at funerals 02:07 Some of them even try. And weddings. 02:10 I remember my wedding. It came right here 02:14 And I guess because my friends had dared me and challenged me 02:17 I put it right here and sucked it right back in 02:21 put it right back up in my eye 02:24 so I think there is that epitome of men don't cry 02:30 but realistically, we shed tears 02:32 Come on, we do. 02:34 We're taught not to cry, you know. Man up, you know you don't 02:38 cry. You're a macho guy, macho guys, you don't cry 02:42 but for me I have issues with that. I cry sometimes it even 02:47 makes me feel good. So I don't think that as a man or as a 02:53 father we shouldn't cry. I think we should show that we're 02:57 emotional, we are emotional beings. 02:58 So we really can't help but cry and situations make you cry 03:04 I cried this morning watching a wedding. 03:10 I just burst in tears because the groom was singing 03:14 no, a lady was singing Great Is Thy Faithfulness 03:17 and that stuff was so good, I burst into tears and you know 03:20 just uncontrollably. I even cry when I'm preaching sometimes 03:23 not that I want to or plan to do it but I'm in touch with 03:29 my emotions and I'm ok with that. 03:32 So, I don't have any problems with crying. 03:35 Interesting thing about that is when I got older and left the 03:39 house, as a teenager you know got into adult hood 03:42 and left the house. I expected my mom to just bawl and she did 03:46 she cried. I moved out and she calls me a few days later after 03:52 I did everything and she says your father's crying 03:54 more than I was. And that did not make me question his 03:59 man card as they say, it actually, I had a high level of 04:03 respect for my father because it showed me that I'm like, man 04:08 you know it's ok. Obviously you're not going around like 04:11 even a woman, women are not goin around boo hoo hooing all day 04:14 long. But we men, as fathers we need to show our young men 04:21 that it's ok to have emotions you know we should create a 04:25 atmosphere in our men's groups to share. We have different 04:29 ways, women cry one way men cry another. Women share feelings 04:33 one way and men share feelings in another way. 04:34 But we still share them. And I think we need to create that 04:37 atmosphere in our homes with our young men, even our young 04:41 ladies in our homes that we, our daughters. Show them 04:44 that dads hurt too, we are human. 04:52 I've had my share of tears and I've had sometimes just 04:58 uncontrollable tears when I lost my, when we lost our first child 05:04 I was bawlin, I was weepin. My wife was there she was the first 05:14 week of the fifth month and the child came early 05:18 still born and this was our first, first child 05:23 and I was trying to be that shoulder, tryin to do that 05:33 you know all that 05:35 she was crying and I was crying and it was just tears, I mean 05:38 I mean I was literally just I was trying to hold my wife 05:43 and all that and we just in each other just exchanging tears 05:49 but I was glad when I looked back, to be there with her 05:54 and sharing the emotion rather than trying to suppress the 05:59 emotion and just like ok dear it's gonna be alright 06:02 No. It's not gonna be alright she just lost her first child 06:07 And for me the reason I was crying more because I never got 06:09 the chance to bond with that child 06:12 She experienced it in the womb but I never got a chance to 06:16 and then I was even questioning God, how in the world, what 06:20 we were at church, we had church 06:24 when it occurred and we had to run to the emergency room 06:28 and we lost the baby and I said how in the world God, how, how 06:32 how come and I was just questioning and questioning God 06:36 and I was filled with tears and I couldn't do the whole 06:43 I had to be there with her 06:45 Do you find yourself crying when you look at the state of the 06:50 world or the condition of your city that you pastor 06:54 or your church? I find myself crying when I even think of 07:00 how degraded families have become and I think that's why 07:05 one thing why Jesus cried over Jerusalem when He looked at the 07:09 condition of Jerusalem and He wept. 07:14 I find myself doing the same thing and it's not because 07:18 I'm not a man. I cry because I love the people. 07:23 And you know that if they continue in the same road 07:27 it's not going to be good. So there's so many ways that you 07:30 find yourself crying, at least for me, and I'm ok to uh 07:35 I feel good, I feel good about doing it. I have no problems. 07:40 We cry. And men too, you're trained from a young age 07:46 not to show that emotion. I remember back in my previous 07:50 life before I became a Christian I was in law enforcement and 07:53 in law enforcement you're trained not to have any emotion 07:56 but God created us this way, so what do you do? You find 07:59 coping mechanisms. Other ways other means 08:02 to cope with your emotions. So you know I turned to drinking 08:05 alcoholism. Just drink, drink drink. All the coping mechanisms 08:09 that were being detrimental, not only psychologically 08:13 especially but physically and it wasn't until, I remember 08:18 I picked up an old Bible, you know the cliché, 08:22 old, dusty Bible and I dusted it off and I was watching 08:25 this movie about Jesus for the first time in years. 08:30 And I saw, you know, a particular scene 08:34 in which He was getting whipped and I started crying 08:38 I said, what kind of a human being, what kind of man, 08:41 what kind of God would take this for me? 08:47 It was then that I learned emotions are ok 08:52 obviously, like anything else, it depends on how you express 08:55 them, on how you channel those emotions out 08:57 you know you can't go out and do those crazy things 08:59 but I think it's our job as fathers to create that 09:03 environment in our home in which our children can freely 09:06 share their emotions without the repercussions, especially 09:08 our young men you know. Young ladies too but especially young 09:12 men, that they can be free to share their hearts. I mean 09:17 we are in A Father's Heart. We need to learn that a father's 09:21 heart can receive that emotion from a child and say it's ok 09:25 we'll cry together, we'll be together, we'll deal with it 09:29 together. But what we do from that child when that child 09:34 is small the child starts to cry "don't you cry, stop crying" 09:39 Right there is where the problem starts. We start to shut them up 09:44 from small. Have you even been spanked? When they spank did 09:48 your parents ever tell you, don't cry. Don't you cry 09:52 It makes no sense to me 09:56 So you try it because you gotta stop crying because if you don't 10:02 stop crying you're afraid you'll get some more. 10:04 So I think that's where we start to cultivate this habit 10:10 and tell the children, don't you cry, stop crying. 10:13 You know you said how the police they weren't supposed 10:17 to show their emotions and rather they was supposed to put 10:21 it to the bar or whatever but even a look at that 10:27 I think men are having a problem identifying 10:30 with those emotions. So instead of dealing with them they try to 10:36 suppress them and by suppressing them now you're putting 10:41 detriment to your life. Now there's gonna be more tears 10:45 later on. There was a situation I was going out with my wife 10:51 actually we were engaged, it was a few months before I got 10:56 we got married and this was one of those rejection cries 11:00 I thought she was gonna break up with me because I had done 11:03 made a big booboo, made a mess and I thought she was just goin 11:08 and I was at church and it just came, because I thought she was 11:13 goin break up. I said I knew it I messed up, I was sayin Lord 11:17 I messed up, it's done. And I just started bawling in church 11:23 and then I had to run to the bathroom, I was tryin to hold it 11:26 and she was the one comfortin me and she was crying too 11:33 And you see what happened there which instead of crying with our 11:38 children, look what we're saying to God when we say, no crying 11:45 what are we telling our children rather what God does 11:49 we're telling them that God is not in touch with our emotions 11:53 God doesn't cry, God doesn't care, God doesn't feel 11:59 And this transcending God, He's just up there. He's made us 12:04 and He's not in touch with us. That's a lie. 12:09 Full lie. But when we're in there with our child 12:13 and not necessarily that we have to just because they're crying 12:15 we too must cry but we feel the not sympathy but we empathize 12:21 with them and we help them through with that. Even after 12:24 they've been disciplined, we shouldn't just discipline them 12:28 Ok, go to your room. I remember when they did, ooh I ain't goin 12:33 tell on my parents but I remember when they did that 12:36 It was one of the most vulnerable moments in your life 12:42 when after being scolded, whatever way, and then sent to 12:46 your room. You have rage, you feel shame, I can't believe I 12:52 did it again. How much time, you call yourself names. 12:57 I remember my son and it just broke my heart. I heard him 12:59 one time and he didn't get scolded or anything 13:02 we just did some correcting and he went into his room 13:05 and he was calling himself stupid. 13:08 He was calling, I'm so stupid I'm so stupid 13:11 And I had to go in there and rescue him from that 13:15 I said, No you're not. You're not stupid 13:19 I said you're a great son and that time I think he was the 13:23 this other one was a baby still and I was like you're a 13:25 wonderful son. We make mistakes, we do stupid things 13:29 but you're not stupid and I had to encourage him 13:34 and I said, I don't want to hear you say that because 13:35 you're not. God didn't make you stupid 13:37 You're my son and you're not stupid 13:40 But some sons don't get that. Some boys and some girls 13:43 don't get that. They get sent to their room, door is shut 13:48 and they're in there just tearing themselves up 13:50 they're already hurt and now they've added more like they're 13:53 diggin the shovel and throwing the dirt on themselves 13:57 So the emotions turn into negative emotions 14:00 Oh they become later on now, they're just, you wonder why 14:04 they're just cold. Some parents when their kids get 14:08 out of home never call them. 14:11 Push them in a nursing home, I want nothing to do with you 14:13 I'm glad you're touching that because it's important 14:16 that we help our children differentiate between 14:20 crying as in whining, temper tantrum and cry because they hurt 14:25 Like, I'm glad you said that because we do the same thing 14:27 at home you know send my daughter, she does something 14:31 wrong. She gets disciplined, she's crying she doesn't want 14:33 to go to her room, she's crying and crying in there 14:36 but we make it a point that after she calms down a little 14:39 bit or time frame, usually we go by age, if she's 4 she gets 14:46 4 minutes, if she's 5 she gets 5 minutes that kinda thing 14:49 we go in there afterwards and talk to her to make sure that 14:53 even though you're crying, you're not alone 14:55 even though you're hurting because you did something wrong 14:58 you're no dumb, your intelligence is not in question 15:03 you're not a bad child, you just made a mistake 15:06 you need to understand where it comes from and it's ok to cry 15:10 my wife had to teach me that because I have two girls 15:13 I'm so used to being told, Don't cry you're a man 15:16 At the beginning when I saw my daughter crying, I'm like 15:20 Those tears, you stop that. My wife said, don't tell her that 15:25 let here express her emotions and we have to help her channel 15:29 those expressions and that's one thing I've learned 15:32 through being a father that even though I was taught not to cry 15:37 even though my dad one day said A real man, cries! 15:42 It's still imbedded in me that you don't cry but I've 15:44 learned through the years that what we learned as children 15:48 not necessarily is correct. That we need to teach as fathers 15:52 because we have that ability to teach them how to channel 15:58 those emotions. Because I'm sure you can relate to this 16:03 as men, when we don't channel those emotions, it often 16:06 turns into aggression. We have to get it out some way 16:10 so sometimes it's okay just to have a good cry 16:14 You know there's times like I like Pr. Gordon you said 16:19 I listen to a good song about God's glory. I don't care who's 16:23 watching, that's my God. I stand and weep in awe of the joy 16:29 of the Lord. Right now I'm just thinking about it, it brings 16:33 tears to my eyes, because who cares? This is my God 16:36 who created me and I deserve death. I deserve to die 16:40 That's what I'm gearin up for death but He says, here is life 16:44 Our children need to learn the joy of the Lord is our strength 16:49 But also need to learn that we have emotions 16:52 We just have to find a way on how to appropriately 16:56 cope with them. I think that's where we come in as fathers 16:58 To use our language that God understands 17:01 He understand our pain, He understands what we're going 17:07 through so being able to let that emotion out in whatever way 17:13 whether it's in tears, or smilin or whether it's giving praise, 17:18 when you're thinkin of God's goodness. 17:23 What Revelation says, John says the tears of the saints 17:27 Tears of the saints. I mean it's just, crying is great 17:33 It's a refreshing thing, it's purification. It helps to purify 17:38 the soul. This came to mind just now, just popped into my head 17:43 I wonder if Judas, who betrayed Jesus had cried. 17:48 Because of his guilt. But instead of crying, he hung 17:52 himself. He killed himself. I wonder if he had shed 17:56 a few tears on Jesus' shoulder saying I'm sorry 18:00 would he still remained alive and walked with Jesus? 18:06 Emotional guilt don't make you cry. That's a different type of 18:11 emotion. So I wouldn't think he'd cry. I don't know what do 18:13 you think? But notice Peter. Judas may not, Judas felt that 18:21 he went too far but Peter felt he went too far too but look 18:25 at the difference. He was sorry. He wasn't crying of guilt 18:29 Peter wasn't crying of guilt, Peter was like how could I do 18:34 this to the one who loved me? 18:36 And then when he looked at the face of Jesus 18:39 he broke. But it's just me and based on how I see the Bible 18:45 but this is not in the Bible, I just see. I believe that 18:48 because you remember that it said he went to the garden 18:50 and he wept. I don't believe he was there by himself 18:54 I believe the Holy Spirit was there to comfort him because 18:57 now we find Peter later on and Jesus restores Peter 19:02 You see what I'm saying? So even in those vulnerable moments when 19:06 you cry, you need somebody. Ok this we have, when Jesus was in 19:12 the Garden and He was vulnerable 19:15 Three times He said to the Father, it's not my will but 19:19 Thy will. Take this from me, it's not my will. And he saw 19:22 He went to the disciples and instead of them being there 19:25 encouraging Him they were sleeping. He had no one. 19:28 What did God send? An angel to comfort Him. 19:33 And I believe sometimes our kids, we have kids out there 19:37 that have been abandoned, that have been broken, been hurt 19:41 molested and they run to their rooms, they have no one and 19:44 they're sheddin and they're crying, they're tearing apart 19:47 in their room and God sends an angel 19:52 and when we get to heaven and God replays these things 19:54 we will see our Guardian Angel in there comforting us 20:00 I find that even the toughest person will cry at times. I 20:07 I'll give you a typical, it's a small example 20:10 I met a young man, he was incarcerated. He was lookin at 20:15 natural life, that's it. he was in so much trouble. So they 20:22 locked him away for good and there I was ministering to him 20:29 And that day he was moving from jail to the big house 20:37 or vice versa, however, whatever it doesn't matter 20:41 where he was goin, but he was going away forever 20:44 I remember he called me and he said, could you read Psalm 23 20:50 because he couldn't read. And I started reading, 20:53 The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want 20:57 and this hardened criminal burst into tears 21:04 tears just started flowing, I myself got a little, you know 21:08 surprised because I didn't expect to see it. 21:11 So even a hard person, 21:15 because of the emotions that's in them, can cry. 21:21 As fathers you know, even if we don't, some fathers you know 21:25 you don't have to sit there weeping in front of your child 21:28 but at least take some time with your spouse 21:31 or if you're a single father Oh I know they're gonna cry 21:37 take some time for yourself to release because, man 21:42 my belief is that if you truly come to the feet of Jesus 21:46 if your eyes are dry, your heart is dry 21:50 you still haven't come, you still haven't come 21:54 Like they say, I'm gonna leave it at the foot of the cross 21:57 That's good but I don't serve a dead God. My God is risen 22:00 He's alive and when He touches you, when the Holy Spirit 22:04 touches you, you know that touch. When He touches you 22:09 I don't care what nobody says when the Holy Spirit touches you 22:13 there will be either tears of joy or tears of repentance 22:17 You're gonna cry, you're gonna feel it. 22:19 Your heart is just made out of stone and the minute He touches 22:23 your heart, boom! You can't help it. It is what it is 22:28 Going back to the Peter and Judas thing, right 22:31 they both went to the high priest 22:35 Remember we said that the man, the father, the husband is the 22:41 priest of his home. Judas went to Caiaphas 22:47 whichever one it was, the manly priest and he was rejected 22:53 what does that have to do with us? 22:56 What does that have to do with us? And he was rejected 22:59 and what did it result? To his demise. 23:04 Peter saw the heavenly priest Jesus himself and he was touched 23:15 by Jesus and so much he repented of what he did. Both of them 23:22 went a priest now. So I ask fathers, which priest are you? 23:29 They both were in the wrong. When your child comes to you 23:34 and he's done wrong, or she's done wrong which priest 23:38 do they see. I don't think we look at that 23:42 Are you the priest that rejects them, scorn them 23:45 and send them out to their demise, to their destruction 23:49 Or are you the priest that leads them to restoration? 23:53 And you said that when God touches you, God touches you 24:00 even the coldest they have to shed a tear. I love songs 24:07 and one of the songs that touches me is "He touched me" 24:11 He touched me. What's your song? 24:14 What's your song, that touches you? Great is Thy Faithfulness 24:18 I didn't mean to put you in a spot. No. no. no. 24:24 I know you love to sing. You're messing with me 24:26 But it touches you, it touches you when you hear that song 24:30 Because it touches your relationship with God 24:33 And Peter remembered his relationship. 24:35 I can go back to him. 24:38 I can go back to him 24:41 That's amazing. What do you say? 24:44 But you know, I might agree with whatever you're saying. 24:47 Something touches us. But there is 2 things that I think 24:52 happened. We think that tears are a weakness. 24:58 When you cry you're weak 25:01 So we're not gonna cry. We'll just hold it on inside 25:07 But tears are not a weakness. WE also think that when we cry 25:13 is not joy because we have tears of joy, we have tears of sorrow 25:19 So some people think, oh they're crying because you're sorry. No 25:23 I cry when I'm happy. 25:26 He talked about When He touched me. I cry when I'm happy 25:29 I cry when I'm sad. I think that's what we have to be able 25:33 to let our young men know. Tears are you can be happy and cry 25:38 you can be sad and cry. I mean so just bein able to let it out 25:44 A good friend of mine said to me, the tears come when you 25:50 can't do any more push-ups. 25:53 You know you wanna get down and ok I'm gonna do some more 25:56 push-ups but there's sometimes you just can't do push-ups 26:00 And your body is going to release, it's gonna release 26:03 the tears and sometimes if you keep holdin that thing in 26:08 them tears gotta come out 26:11 and sometimes you're like everything's all over your shirt 26:15 you have to let it out, it's natural so let it out 26:18 You can also have fun with it too, cause there's times like 26:20 you watch a movie with your wife. She wants to watch a 26:23 girlie movie and you know, you know it touches your heart 26:27 you're like, I got somethin in my eye, I got somethin in my eye 26:29 You get it and I got somethin in my nose. I'm not cryin you know 26:33 we do that, we do that though 26:35 I learned how to do it, I just let it go man 26:37 I'm havin a good time cryin, cryin with it 26:40 I remember when my dad died. When my dad passed away we 26:43 had a funeral. I'm there and I'm saying, you know what 26:48 you gotta be strong, you goin to be strong 26:52 Well I don't know at what point in time something happened 26:58 And it was a good thing my wife was there, I just went down 27:03 And she was able to grab me. So lettin it out 27:08 lettin it out I think is a purifier 27:11 just helps to get the stress off 27:13 and we need to let our young men know that 27:15 Man it's amazing what emotions do to you but we gotta pick this 27:22 this up another time because we're completely out of time 27:25 To our viewers, listen it's ok to have emotions. 27:29 Our men out there, you would not lose your man card 27:31 if you shed a little tear. You will not be less as a man 27:37 if you cry. To the fathers, teach your children 27:40 how to cry, how to cope with their emotions 27:44 because it will literally mean life or death to them sometimes 27:48 Jesus wept and He made you. 27:50 You are not above shedding a couple of tears 27:53 So please, it's ok to cry 27:55 If you have any questions: AFH@3ABN.ORG 27:59 AFH@3ABN.ORG |
Revised 2017-01-18