Participants:
Series Code: AFH
Program Code: AFH000014A
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00:01 A good father takes time to play.
00:05 He has strong integrity. 00:08 He is someone that is truly dedicated. 00:12 He is not afraid to show his love. 00:15 He is a caring provider. 00:19 And he is a kind spiritual leader. 00:23 These are just a few ways to describe a father's heart. 00:40 Hi and welcome to A Father's Heart. 00:42 Today, we're going to be discussing 00:43 on how to father adult children. 00:46 When your kids are little is one thing 00:48 but then when they're out of the house, 00:49 with their own rules, with their own life, 00:51 and they come back to you for fatherly advice 00:54 or whatever it may be, how do you do that? 00:57 What do you do? 00:58 And with me today, to discuss that, 01:00 my two friends, Paul and Gordon. 01:01 How you guys doing today? 01:03 Pretty good, man. Feeling great. 01:04 Pretty good. Awesome. 01:06 So fathering adult children, like I said, 01:09 I don't have any adult kids, my kids are little, 01:12 how do you deal with your kids when they get older? 01:16 When they have their own ideas 01:18 or their own way of doing things 01:20 that might not be kosher with how you do things? 01:24 You know, I'm gonna let Paul start with it 01:26 because his is older than mine, 01:27 so he's got little more experience on this one. 01:30 I've a 21-year-old daughter. 01:32 Okay. 01:34 What I find amazing is 01:36 how God prepares us for all of this. 01:39 You either are trying to replicate 01:42 your own childhood environment 01:43 and what your parenting environment was like, 01:46 or what you knew to be as a child, 01:48 or you were trying to ensure that you not repeat it. 01:52 So in my case, environment was quite significant. 01:56 So I grew up in Brooklyn, New York. 01:58 Okay. 01:59 From age 10 to about my mid-20s and so, 02:02 and every day, 02:04 what I would say to myself as a teenager is 02:07 "I am not going to raise a child in this community" 02:11 because of all the challenges that I experienced, 02:14 the violence and all that kind of stuff, 02:15 so I wanted to have a nice community 02:18 that was diverse, 02:21 good educational standard, good standard of all... 02:24 Wanted all those things to be set in place. 02:26 And then, of course, 02:28 lay a proper foundation within the home, 02:30 a sound spiritual foundation. 02:34 That's what was important to me. 02:36 Then for me, you know, my... 02:39 Just moving out, you know, 02:42 he's been away to school for one year, 02:44 and what I find so striking is that 02:46 I have a different child, 02:48 it's just totally different child. 02:50 You look at him now and you wonder 02:52 "Well, wait a minute, 02:54 where is the young man that I used to know?" 02:57 He's so busy with all kinds of stuff. 02:59 So it's a different paradigm in parenting him. 03:02 You know, you can't tell him, 03:05 you know, just do this and do that 03:07 without having a more in-depth discussion. 03:10 He's discussing things the way... 03:11 He wants to know why, 03:13 he wants to know all of these different things. 03:14 So it's just different. 03:16 So I have to parent different, his mom and I, 03:18 we have to parent different. 03:20 We look at him and, you know, we'll say "Well..." 03:23 We look at each other and we say, 03:26 "Where is the Justin that left here a year ago?" 03:30 He's so different now. 03:33 That his dad is no longer his, you know, his buddy, 03:38 he's got other buddies now in his life. 03:40 So it's a real different thing. 03:42 So the way we have to parent now, 03:45 the way we parent now is basically 03:47 we parent to prayer. 03:50 You can't parent by telling him what to do. 03:54 It's just prayer. 03:55 So I'm praying for the right mate, 03:57 I'm praying for, you know, the right career. 04:01 So I'm praying, and as I gently pray, 04:03 I also will bring him into the conversation. 04:07 Now we've had some stuff that we have set down 04:09 from a long time when he was growing up, 04:12 you know, we want to be a part of life choices, 04:16 who you going to marry, who... 04:18 We want to know, 04:19 it's that person needs to fit within the family system. 04:22 But it is a different, different, 04:25 different dynamics, so... 04:27 How do you deal... 04:28 I mean, how do you deal with that? 04:30 'Cause you mentioned he's off to college, 04:33 he comes back, 04:34 you know, by that time, 04:36 you've already grown up in your house, 04:38 you know, you're the kid, now you're the adult, 04:40 and now you're leaving to go have your own life, 04:43 your own rules, your own standard 04:44 so you may not always agree 04:46 with what your parents did and how they did it. 04:48 Right. 04:49 How do you deal or how do you talk about 04:51 or provide an outlet 04:53 for you guys to talk about those kind of things? 04:57 Well, if I may, I'll start this piece here. 05:01 I think what I do what we do now, 05:03 we always have that family worship time. 05:06 So when he comes back, the same thing happens. 05:10 So at family worship, we have the opportunity 05:13 either before or after to sit down 05:16 and we talk about certain things. 05:18 And so that structure is still there. 05:21 I think that is how you really, you know, 05:24 continue to dialogue and making sure 05:27 that they're going in the right direction 05:29 'cause yes, he's found his own identity, 05:31 they're going to want to be their own person, 05:34 and you can't stop that, that's why I'm saying 05:37 it's important that you parent them to prayer 05:40 and I would be saying that a lot 05:41 because it is the crucial thing is prayer. 05:45 When you parent them through prayer, 05:47 God moves on their heart so that eventually 05:50 they're following your directions, 05:51 they don't even know 05:53 they are following your directions. 05:54 That foundation, yeah. 05:57 Xavier, I would say, it's the most exciting time 06:02 that I've had, next to the birth itself. 06:05 So when your child is born, and you're holding your child, 06:08 and, you know, you have, where you are right now, 06:10 you have the first one, two, 06:11 three years of toddlerhood and all, that's real exciting. 06:15 This period is extremely exciting 06:17 because it's like you're seeing the fruit of your product. 06:21 And you're not so able to engage in redirection 06:27 as you would when your child were in the home, 06:30 when you could say, hey, don't do that, 06:31 hey, don't do this, hey, you know, listen, 06:33 let me talk to you about this or that. 06:35 Basically now, my daughter, 06:38 our daughter is living out her life. 06:40 She's her own person. 06:42 She's grown into womanhood at age 21. 06:44 She's making her own choices, her own decisions 06:46 and you're actually seeing 06:48 what God has done through your parenting. 06:51 And yes, you still do have to direct and redirect. 06:54 Sure. 06:56 But I don't have it as good 06:57 as my brother here with parenting, 06:59 of the homecoming stuff 07:00 'cause when our daughter gets home, man, 07:02 I see her when she'd bring her luggage and say, 07:05 "Can you help me bring this in, Dad?" 07:06 And then she's gone. 07:08 She's off with some friends somewhere to, you know... 07:12 Same thing with mine. 07:13 Same thing with mine, 07:14 he is gone but we've got a reel him in, say, 07:16 "Hey, hey, come, 07:18 11 o'clock you need to be in this house." 07:19 Yes. 07:20 "Worship is at this time. 07:22 So no matter what you do, we need you here at this time." 07:25 So that we can still have that kind of, 07:28 that camaraderie to still have the conversation continue. 07:32 But you were saying, it's... 07:34 For me, 07:36 when our son left home to go to school, 07:40 it was a bittersweet and still is a bittersweet. 07:44 Because, you know, you still want the little guy, 07:47 you're still looking for that little guy but, 07:49 you know, the reality is he's no longer the little guy, 07:52 he's now trying to find his way. 07:56 And what I have to do at times 08:00 is pull back and give him, 08:03 you know, give him room to find his way, 08:06 give him room to make decisions, 08:07 and when he makes the decisions, 08:11 I allow him to test it out, 08:14 and then I would step in and say, 08:16 "You know what, let's look at it this way 08:19 or let's look at it that way." 08:20 So it's just a different dynamics 08:23 of parenting now. 08:24 Well, and one of the things I think about like in my life, 08:29 even though I have two little girls, 08:31 when I moved out of my parents house, 08:34 my dad was always the rough and tough guy, 08:37 the guys never shed a tear for nothing. 08:39 And my mom calls me and she says, 08:41 "Your father's crying." 08:43 And I'm like "Why?" 08:44 I said, "Dad don't cry, he doesn't know how to cry, 08:47 he doesn't have tears." 08:48 And she says, "Well, he misses you." 08:49 Wow. 08:51 How do you deal with that empty nest? 08:58 I don't know. 09:00 I tell you, there is a sad moment 09:04 but then there's still a joyful moment in-between 09:08 because I'm saying, now, okay, 09:09 my wife and I, we can do stuff now 09:13 and our pocket's a little heavier now 09:16 because we can keeps 09:17 a little more dollars in the pocket. 09:19 So it's a little different. 09:21 You know, the tears were there. 09:24 But still there is still a joy to see him grow, 09:29 and to see him move on, 09:30 and to see the changes in his life, 09:32 that's what it's like for me. 09:35 Well, we all have different parenting styles. 09:37 Some parents like to have the physical presence 09:40 of their child as long as possible, 09:43 20 years, 25 years, 30 years, 35 years at home, no problem. 09:47 While others may be a bit more proactive, so I'm saying, 09:50 maybe I was a little more like your dad. 09:52 From about age eight, 09:54 I started to prepare my daughter. 09:55 I started to tell my daughter, "Look, by the time you are 18, 09:59 you're going to be one of three places. 10:01 You're either going to be enrolled in college, 10:03 or you're going to be enrolled in the military, 10:06 or you're going to be doing mission work abroad, 10:09 but you are going to be out of this home." 10:11 Because that was my parenting plan and philosophy, 10:14 I mean, it's relative to each child's personality, 10:17 and I saw from a very early stage 10:20 in my child's development 10:22 that she was a very independent-minded child, 10:25 strong sanguine choleric type traits, 10:28 wants to do her own thing, 10:30 doesn't like to be told what to do, 10:32 etcetera, etcetera, okay, great. 10:34 You don't have to fight against a child like that. 10:36 You can help to empower them to get there. 10:39 So we were prepared for there, 10:41 at least I was prepared for that very early. 10:44 So when she was out of the home eventually, 10:48 you know, it wasn't like a great heartbreak for me. 10:50 Granted, she is attending a college 10:53 about a hour and ten minutes away, 10:55 that certainly helped. 10:56 Maybe if she were two days drive 11:00 or an aircraft flight or something, 11:01 it would have been a bit more, you know, 11:03 traumatic for me to deal with, but the fact that 11:04 she was just an hour away or so, that was great. 11:07 Nice. 11:08 And the parenting style, it is true 11:10 because I didn't leave home until I was married. 11:14 I got married and I left home. 11:16 So for me, my son, 11:18 it's the same kind of philosophy I have in my mind 11:21 that he can go to school, come back... 11:23 That's the reason why he's not going to school 11:26 so far from home, still want to keep... 11:28 I still want to keep some kind of a hand on him, 11:31 but yet give him his independence. 11:33 And so hopefully, you know, when he leaves finally, 11:37 he's leaving to get married and to start his own life, 11:41 the philosophy is different. 11:44 But you have to know your child. 11:45 My child needs that, he needs that guidance, 11:50 although he's trying to find his way, he needs that, 11:52 that independence is not fully there, yeah. 11:56 And I like that because you mention, 11:57 you know, depends on the child, 11:59 that seems to be parenting in general, 12:01 depends on the child. 12:02 You know, one of the questions I would pose is, 12:05 how do you know the limitations? 12:07 For example, if you have your child 12:09 and you're creating an environment, 12:11 how do you draw the line and not create 12:12 an enmeshed relationship with your child 12:15 where you're not giving them enough slack 12:17 to the point where they might rebel against you, 12:19 like basically where they don't feel like 12:21 they're overpowered by your parenting? 12:25 Yeah, that's about balance. 12:26 You'll have to have balance. 12:28 You have to give them enough space, 12:32 but then you're always there. 12:36 For us, it's conversation, 12:38 for us, is, like I was saying earlier, 12:40 is that the time where we have the devotion, 12:44 when we sit down, and we, you know, we pray together, 12:47 we talk together. 12:49 Now we talked in our devotions at this time, 12:52 you know, it's different issues, 12:53 life issues that we would deal with, 12:55 look it in the Scripture, 12:57 we look through Solomon, you know. 12:58 If there's something that he is... 13:01 Or him and my daughter, they're kind of edgy about, 13:04 we'll look through the Scripture 13:05 for some guidance. 13:07 Because I believe that's where we find guidance. 13:09 So you have to have the balance, 13:12 give them that space, and allow them to grow, 13:15 so it's not an enmeshed situation. 13:17 Well, bro, let me confess. 13:19 For me, this has been a grace-based process. 13:25 Parenting does have to do with a lot of trial and error, 13:28 not everything that you intend to do 13:31 works out the way you desire it etcetera, etcetera. 13:34 So what's good about this is God and His resourcefulness, 13:39 and God being able to take what you intended to do, 13:43 when you do it wrong that is, 13:46 and still use it constructively, 13:48 you know, it's amazing. 13:50 Our God is the most destructive-constructive force 13:54 that I know on earth. 13:55 He takes everything and makes good of it 13:57 and that's it. 13:58 So for our daughter, man, I messed up. 14:02 I made a lot of mistakes at times. 14:05 I mean, even considering that my secondary job, 14:08 I work as a counselor, I work with families, 14:11 and my role is to provide counseling 14:15 for at-risk families, and I would teach my clients, 14:18 you know, hey, don't do this, don't do that, 14:20 don't speak to your child this way, 14:22 don't be this rigid, you know, be more inclusive, 14:26 exercise a greater degree of liberty, 14:28 use what we call democratic parenting, 14:31 and all these parenting techniques 14:33 that I would teach parents, 14:34 then I would come home at times and lose it. 14:38 Literally, lose it, man. 14:39 Yeah. 14:41 Because I saw some situation that, you know, yeah... 14:43 But now, as I said, 14:46 it's amazing to see the fruit of our labor. 14:50 But because of God's grace. 14:53 So now, yeah, there are things that I worry about, 14:56 you know, I'm always filtering her peer group, 14:59 whenever I meet a new friend or a group of friends, 15:01 you know, I'm watching them very carefully, 15:03 and I'm praying because, of course, 15:06 I don't want her to be receptive 15:08 to any kind of negative influence 15:10 that's going to take her in the wrong direction. 15:12 Well, hallelujah, praise God for that foundation, 15:15 for that Spirit fill, Christ-centered foundation 15:18 that we're able to lay in the home, 15:20 in a Christian home, 15:22 so that now our children is there, your son, 15:24 my daughter, they are out, 15:26 I'm assured that they're making the right choice. 15:29 That's the text that comes to mind, 15:31 "Train up a child the way he should go, 15:33 and when he is old, 15:34 he will not depart from the way." 15:37 He may or they may leave, 15:40 but the training what you've instilled 15:43 in the home from young, it stays with them. 15:46 Right. 15:47 And they'll always have that. 15:48 Yeah. 15:50 But with that, I would say too, we can leave room for error, 15:53 you know, we're not 15:55 or I am not raising a perfect child, 15:57 I was not the perfect child, 15:59 I was way on the other side of the spectrum. 16:02 So it's to understand that 16:04 that is part of their developmental process 16:06 also that they will make mistakes, 16:09 they will make wrong choices, they will do or say things 16:12 that you're not happy with or proud of, 16:14 but it's also part of their developmental experience. 16:19 And yes, we have to know when to step in, 16:20 especially if it's something that is going to 16:25 put them in some significant amount of danger. 16:28 But outside of that, you know, 16:29 it's like when your little girl is learning to walk, 16:31 you know, there are times 16:33 you kind of let the toddler bump into this 16:35 or in some cases, you know, 16:37 the toddler is going and explore something 16:39 that's going to be a little bit painful. 16:42 Yeah, you go ahead and let them, you know, 16:43 open that little container of black pepper 16:46 and start to sneeze, and then you'll know okay, 16:48 don't mess with it. 16:50 You see, that's what gets me 16:52 'cause I do that with my girls but my wife, 16:58 "Why don't you let her get bumped?" 16:59 "She's got to learn, you know, 17:01 she's got to learn, let her bump herself." 17:02 Like my youngest scratched her nose, 17:05 she fell down, and she took a piece of skin off, 17:08 and she was crying, and I'm like, 17:10 I always tell my kids, "You bleed it, 17:12 you done it, you'll be all right." 17:14 "You'll be all right." 17:15 "You'll be all right, go about your business." 17:18 You know, I think that's also a difference of approach 17:20 between mom and dad, you know, 17:22 there's differences on how you handle it 17:25 and one of the things I always questioned, I guess, 17:29 in a Christian home, as you said, the balance and, 17:34 you know, what if your son or daughter, 17:37 your child comes to you and says to you, 17:39 "I no longer believe in God, I'm a Satanist, 17:44 I'm an atheist, I'm an agnostic." 17:47 Now mind you, we're all ministers. 17:50 We're all supposed to have it right. 17:53 You come from a minister's home, 17:56 you're supposed to believe in God the rest of your life, 17:58 yeah, you know, 17:59 the child and train them the way they should go. 18:01 But what if... 18:03 What if, you know, they come to you and say that? 18:05 What do you do? 18:06 Oh, that's a real rough one. 18:08 But I can say, let me put it in this context, 18:11 my son said to me, he called me, I was travelling, 18:13 he called me, he said, "Dad!" 18:15 And he started questioning, he went into some pantheism, 18:20 he was listening to somebody who were having the discussion 18:22 and God is in the trees, the air, 18:24 all these different things that he began to ask me about. 18:27 He began to believe this kind of stuff. 18:30 Inside, I got angry. 18:33 He didn't know I was, I was stewing. 18:36 Because I'm like, wait a minute, 18:37 we taught you better than this, 18:39 where you're coming with all this. 18:42 So that anger started to build inside of me and I said, 18:46 "God, help me, help me to keep calm." 18:48 So I can only imagine 18:50 if he is to pull that kind of stunt, 18:52 I might just totally lose it. 18:54 So I think it's a danger, you know, from me, 18:58 I have to be able to watch myself. 19:01 But yet, I don't think we can force them 19:06 to make choices, 19:08 they have to make the choice and you prayerfully have to... 19:12 You just got to keep praying. 19:13 And hope that somehow God will intervene 19:17 and change the heart 19:19 because only Jesus can change the heart, 19:21 only Jesus can make those changes. 19:23 We can't, as parents, 19:25 we can just give the best advice 19:27 that we possibly can, nothing else we can do. 19:29 Amen. Amen. 19:30 Knowing your child is important, 19:32 and as we shared earlier, 19:35 each child has their own temperament, 19:38 their own personality, 19:41 what you can say to child A or instruct child A, 19:45 you may not necessarily be able to do it the same with child B. 19:49 You have to work within their temperament 19:51 and their personality profile. 19:54 It's scary, man, 19:56 there's no other way to say that. 19:57 Once again, we're talking about this 19:58 grace-based process, you know. 20:00 So that is one of the areas definitely where 20:03 God calls us to stay on our knees. 20:05 Yes. 20:07 I'd be praying for our children, 20:08 saturate them in prayer, daily. 20:10 I mean, I will be in traffic 20:12 and just start praying for my daughter 20:13 'cause I don't know what's going on. 20:15 Share with you quickly, was driving in New York once 20:17 and had one of those nice daddy-daughter, 20:19 you know, talk, it was just the two of us 20:21 driving in New York. 20:22 And I was becoming concerned because there were quite a few 20:26 of my daughter peer that were seemingly gay 20:31 or within that lifestyle for some extent. 20:35 And I started to question, you know, man, you know, 20:38 how many gay friends she got, this kind of stuff I'm asking, 20:42 her mom and I are talking about and praying about and so forth. 20:45 And so I start to have this conversation 20:46 with my daughter as we are driving 20:48 and started talking about the biblical model, 20:50 and the nuclear family, and God's ideal, 20:52 and God's expectation, and God loves everyone but... 20:55 My daughter cuts me and she says, 20:57 "Dad, dad, I like boys. 21:00 I like boys, okay?" 21:01 Because she saw 21:02 where I was going with that degree of insecurity, 21:05 and I was getting to the part of, you know, 21:06 "I would love you unconditionally 21:08 and so on and so forth." 21:09 She stopped me there and she said, you know, 21:12 she put me at ease. 21:14 So it is important also once again for us 21:18 to know our children 21:21 and know regardless of what we may have as an insecurity, 21:26 you know, trust your child 21:28 and you still have to address those tough issues. 21:31 Now my child becoming a Satanist, 21:34 bro, that one, yeah, that one right there is stuff 21:38 but I will have to love my daughter all the same. 21:41 I would still approach 21:43 even that situation with tough love, 21:46 you know, which means I may have to set boundaries, 21:49 I may have to say, you know, 21:51 "Look, those things cannot come into our home." 21:54 Right. 21:56 That talk, that behavior, that conversation, you know, 22:00 I've even restricted certain clothing 22:02 because, you know, 22:04 I had a bit of a fight with her a few years back also 22:06 because she had a CD from a singer 22:09 that really troubled me, 22:11 the lyrics were about suicide, and death, 22:14 and all this kind of stuff, and, you know, 22:16 I did something I wouldn't normally do. 22:18 I took the CD without her permission 22:20 and crushed it. 22:22 And I put $20 on the vanity where the CD was, of course, 22:26 after then she came back, 22:27 "Have you seen my CD" duh, duh, duh, I said, 22:30 "Baby, that does not belong in this house, you know, 22:33 but you have $20 to reimburse you for the purchase." 22:37 Hugged there, sat down, talked, prayed, 22:38 and explain to her why it was a deal-breaker, 22:42 you know, we just... 22:44 Some things, we just don't allow, 22:47 you don't want to play, yeah, 22:48 you don't want to play with, right. 22:49 You love them 22:51 but you're not going to tolerate... 22:52 Yeah. 22:54 You know, certain behaviors. 22:55 So if you're going to try to be a Satanist 22:57 or whatever religion, yeah, in this house, 22:59 as my mom used to say to me, 23:01 "When you come in this house, certain things apply. 23:04 You can't bring things in here, you can't do certain things." 23:08 And I think as parent, we have to do the same thing. 23:11 What is happening now is that, even in a Christian home, 23:15 parents are allowing the children to rule at home. 23:19 So the children can do whatever they want to do 23:22 and they can say whatever they want to say. 23:24 In my house, it's not going to happen, 23:26 it's not going to down like that. 23:28 I think, you know, 23:29 you both brought some good points 23:31 as having that balance and pray 23:34 because that Satanist kid, that was me. 23:37 I told my parents, you know, I don't believe in God. 23:40 Wow. 23:42 Because He's mean, 23:43 He doesn't give me stuff, He restricts me. 23:46 Seeing, you know, if He... 23:47 if God is real, Satan is real too. 23:50 And, you know, and I think that was the critical part 23:52 that they love me no matter what, 23:55 they didn't love what I did but they loved me. 23:59 And that love and that prayer is what brought me out of it 24:03 out of 12 years of it, you know, 24:05 that's the critical thing that, you know, 24:08 especially as ministers, you know, 24:09 we talk so much to the congregation, 24:12 we give so much advice to the congregation, 24:14 we go home, we act complete opposite, 24:16 you know, 24:17 it's so critical that we educate ourselves 24:20 and our children on what the love of God is. 24:23 It's not some fairy in the sky, not so fluffy, 24:26 you know, let's feel goodness, let's... 24:28 These are the rules that's what you have to know, know. 24:30 This is God, inclusive, He loves you no matter what, 24:34 we're going to get through this together, 24:35 however, there are boundaries 24:37 and which have to be exercised because God has boundaries. 24:42 You know, and that's the critical part that, 24:46 you know, will win your child's love, 24:49 it's your ability to give him wings to fly. 24:52 Amen. Amen. 24:54 That is so important what you're saying there. 24:58 My own example, I was raised 25:00 in a very conservative fundamental 25:03 Adventist environment and growing up, 25:06 naturally, those traits were in me. 25:10 If I could change something, 25:12 I would go back to the earlier years of my daughter, 25:15 our daughter's nurture, 25:17 and I would be a lot more Christ-centered, 25:20 as opposed to being fundamental, doctrinal, 25:23 you know, and so forth because I think it's important, 25:27 and a lot of our kids 25:28 have not been introduced to Jesus. 25:31 Right. 25:32 So I haven't had as much challenges, 25:34 nothing of the sort of atheism, or agnosticism, 25:38 or anything of that sort, 25:40 but there has been a bit of resistance 25:44 towards mainstream Christian culture 25:47 and the rigidity that we may have experienced in our church, 25:52 this very structured, 25:55 rigid environment that some of us may foster, 25:58 especially as pastors. 26:01 You know, pastoral home, my kid got to look this way, 26:04 he got to look that way, she got to look, 26:05 you know, and so on and so forth, 26:07 and we put a lot of emphasis on structure... 26:12 Devotion being guarding the edges of the Sabbath, 26:16 and dress the core, and so forth and so on. 26:20 But we must ensure that we take time 26:22 to introduce our children to Jesus. 26:24 Yeah. 26:26 They must know Jesus for who He is. 26:27 They must understand the plan of salvation. 26:29 Yeah. 26:30 They must understand the value of justification, 26:33 and they must understand that God is not a judgmental God 26:38 in the sense that He is, you know, and they see God 26:42 through our parenting is what I'm trying to say. 26:44 Right. 26:45 So if they cannot see grace in my parenting, 26:48 if they cannot see love and humility in my parenting, 26:51 and just like the plan of salvation for us, 26:54 when I found out that Christ 26:56 had lived that perfect life for me, 26:58 when I found out that Christ had already done the work 27:01 and that it was up to me to maintain a devotional life 27:05 with Him of trust, and He basically 27:09 will lay everything in order. 27:11 So we have to demonstrate the same thing 27:13 in our parenting with our children, 27:15 don't make it seem impossible to them. 27:17 Man, and I really appreciate everything you guys have shared 27:19 because we could probably keep going 27:22 for another few hours with this 27:23 because it's so deep and so ingrained into 27:27 what we need to do as fathers. 27:29 And it's so difficult to do it. 27:31 But I appreciate it, 27:32 and I really do appreciate everything you said today. 27:35 And for everybody out there, you know, 27:39 fatherhood doesn't come with a manual, 27:42 it doesn't give you the good, the bad, and the ugly, 27:46 that's why you have to rely on God so much. 27:49 Your kids are not perfect, neither are you and, 27:53 you know, there's times that you're going to mess up 27:54 but you got to leave that room for flexibility 27:57 and room for error. 27:59 But never leave room for the devil 28:01 to take over your children. 28:03 So please, always stay mindful, 28:05 stay prayerful, and love your kids. 28:07 Thank you for watching. |
Revised 2018-09-27