Series Code: AFH
Program Code: AFH000024A
00:01 A good father takes time to play.
00:05 He has strong integrity.
00:08 He is someone that is truly dedicated.
00:12 He is not afraid to show his love.
00:15 He is a caring provider.
00:19 And he's a kind spiritual leader.
00:23 These are just a few ways to describe a father's heart.
00:35 Hi, welcome to A Father's Heart.
00:36 I'm your host Xavier.
00:38 And today we're going to be talking
00:39 about temper, how to deal with it,
00:41 how to control your temper,
00:43 and basically how to teach your kids self-control
00:45 at times of stress.
00:47 And to talk about that today are my two friends,
00:49 Gordon and Paul.
00:50 How are you guys doing? We're doing good.
00:52 All right, good to see you again.
00:53 Yes, you know, temper,
00:55 that's a, that's a reality, that's an issue.
00:59 We all have it,
01:00 we all have to deal with it in some level.
01:03 How do we teach our kids?
01:04 How do we, you know, for me, it's like,
01:06 I'm passive until something irks me.
01:09 And then I'm like, ready to lose it.
01:12 You know, and I just want to know,
01:14 how do you guys deal as fathers with your tempers?
01:18 You have to model self-control.
01:21 As a parent, you can't teach what you don't have.
01:24 So you got to be able to,
01:26 you know, teach your children by modeling it,
01:28 even when you feel emotionally charged,
01:31 and you want to,
01:32 you know, just go off fly off the handle,
01:34 be able to always be in control of yourself,
01:37 be able to pull back.
01:39 One of the games that we used to play,
01:41 I don't know if you guys remember,
01:42 this is 1, 2, 3 red light.
01:45 And socio-psychologist says that,
01:47 you know that one game is one of most effective games
01:50 to teach your children self-control.
01:52 And I didn't even know that,
01:54 you know, it was a very way by you can learn self-control,
01:57 because what it teaches you, you know, 1, 2, 3,
02:00 well, it teaches you to freeze.
02:02 And so by that,
02:03 that is one of the effective way
02:05 to teach our child self-control,
02:06 but you got to model it for your child.
02:09 Agreed, agreed.
02:11 Songwriter said were it not for grace, right?
02:13 This is another one of those areas
02:16 within parenting or fathering where let's all face it,
02:20 we've all sinned and fallen short,
02:23 terribly in some cases.
02:24 I shared at some time earlier
02:27 that even as a trained professional,
02:31 as an educator of others,
02:33 teaching them the proper effective ways
02:35 to parent and to communicate with their children.
02:39 I have myself failed at times, lost it.
02:45 So the application of grace
02:49 is essential to help us through the consistency.
02:52 Don't feel because you have messed up
02:55 at some point
02:57 that you can't maintain this proper example
03:01 or this proper relationship
03:03 with your child or your children.
03:06 We are near 100% responsible in some sense
03:12 for their behavior,
03:13 because we're modeling, you're modeling daily,
03:17 and you have to be self-aware at all times
03:23 of how it is you're presenting yourself
03:24 before your kids.
03:27 Even if it's a conversation in a car,
03:29 you know, driving somewhere,
03:31 be ready and be aware and be conscious
03:34 of how you present yourself in front of your kids.
03:37 You know, and that's good, because it is true,
03:40 we got to model, we got to be self-conscious.
03:42 But you know, what about the times that you,
03:44 that you're sick, that you feel ill?
03:47 Or the times that you know, it might be hot,
03:51 you know, where the temperature is hot?
03:54 I know it might be something,
03:56 it might not mean a big deal to some
03:58 but you know when you're ill, when you don't feel well,
04:02 when you're tired or when it's hot,
04:06 you know, the last thing you want to do
04:07 is be bothered by anything or anyone
04:11 you know and that goes for,
04:12 doesn't matter if you're a pastor,
04:13 if you're a doctor, whomever,
04:16 you know, if you're a father, and you feel this way,
04:19 what do you do to be,
04:20 I mean, you can be subconscious,
04:22 but what do you do?
04:23 What exactly do you do?
04:26 Self-control means to stop and think before you act.
04:31 For example, I was one Saturday came home from church, I was,
04:36 you know, kind of agitated of a few things.
04:39 And my son was,
04:41 I don't remember how old he was.
04:43 He did something that was
04:45 I felt out of the Sabbath character,
04:48 you know, and I lost it.
04:51 I lost it.
04:53 And I start to spank him, to mean it,
04:57 to me a great degree
04:58 even when he kind of scratch his feet on the rail of the bed
05:03 and he started to bleed.
05:04 I didn't even stop because I lost it.
05:08 I should have stopped and think before I act.
05:12 And in that way
05:13 I mean, I've been, I felt so bad after.
05:17 But at the moment, as a parent,
05:19 when you feel enraged, when you feel frustrated,
05:22 maybe just being able to pull back
05:24 or take a walk
05:25 or just to pull off instead of reacting,
05:29 it is the best way to control yourself.
05:31 And when you do that, you're modeling to that child.
05:34 You know how to behave,
05:36 you're modeling self-control to that child,
05:37 so it is, I say walk away.
05:41 Some of us, we have to break cycles.
05:43 Some of us, let's speak the truth
05:45 much of that was nurtured.
05:47 So this is the way our parents
05:48 and our grandparents disciplined us,
05:50 it became the norm.
05:53 The norm for my culture,
05:55 you know, before I came to the US was,
05:57 you got a flogging
05:59 and you got a verbal reprimand at the same type,
06:03 intermittent of the strokes.
06:05 I told you, don't you ever try to testify.
06:08 Do it again, you know.
06:11 He's testifying.
06:12 I'm testifying. Okay, so.
06:15 Yeah, yeah, be angry and sin not even the Word of God says,
06:19 you know, we have to break those cycles.
06:21 And we have to demonstrate the meekness of Christ.
06:25 How do you present yourself as an authority figure,
06:28 as a parent without being overbearing,
06:31 intimidating, abusive, etc, etc.
06:35 Some of us can do much as fathers
06:38 in learning parental principle, proper parental principles,
06:43 or proper principles of discipline.
06:46 One that I like to share with former clients
06:49 is what we call in parenting, democratic parenting.
06:52 This involves giving your child options
06:56 as opposed to shutting them down
06:58 with a specific command.
07:00 So instead of saying to your child,
07:03 you better stop that boy, you better stop that right now,
07:06 I swear, if you put one,
07:07 if you drop that toy one more time,
07:10 so then that's it,
07:11 you've established
07:13 a zero-tolerance environment immediately.
07:16 So if that child drops it by accident, he's done.
07:19 What would be a better option would be to say to the child
07:24 in presenting an option would be to say to the child,
07:28 either you stop playing with your toys
07:30 in that manner,
07:32 or you put them away, what's it going to be?
07:35 This way,
07:36 you're giving the child an option.
07:38 Of course, we're now talking about children, maybe age,
07:41 toddlerhood to about age 10 or 12,
07:43 or something like that,
07:44 you know, giving them options,
07:45 it helps to defuse the situation,
07:48 it removes you from that face to face standoff
07:53 where you have given the child, no ultimatum,
07:55 and you've basically said,
07:57 push the button, I'm ready to go.
07:59 You see, don't want to do that.
08:01 You know, you don't want to do that.
08:02 I remember that because it's, like you said,
08:04 it's learned behavior.
08:05 You know, for me, it's like,
08:07 I remember my mom had a different way
08:09 of my dad doing it.
08:10 Anytime I did something wrong,
08:13 I would see my dad just walk away silently
08:15 and I hear, I would hear the belt buckle
08:18 coming off the hanger,
08:20 because that leather belt were of cowboys and Indians
08:22 and I stir my brain, that would anoint me.
08:26 And you know, it would hurt.
08:29 You know, yes, it got the point across
08:31 but like you said, you know, breaking the cycle,
08:33 and finding that balance because my mom was,
08:37 she terrified me more than my dad.
08:39 Because she gave me the look, she just gave me a few words.
08:43 And she'd sleep with one eye open.
08:46 I tell you, man, I was like, okay, yes, ma'am.
08:49 No, ma'am.
08:50 You know, and that's one thing I learned
08:52 what to have that balance
08:53 like for my five-year-old daughter,
08:55 my wife and I,
08:56 we got tired of her wetting the bed.
08:58 She was like, three and a half, four years old,
09:00 we got tired of it.
09:02 And instead of resorting
09:04 to any measures that would amplify,
09:07 you know, or basically make her feel bad
09:12 for that,
09:13 you know, guilty
09:15 or anything for something that some
09:16 you know, some children do.
09:17 We opted to have her be responsible.
09:20 So she knew
09:22 she was supposed to get up in the morning
09:23 if she wet the bed and wash her own clothes,
09:26 we're not touching those clothes.
09:27 And that she learned responsibility
09:30 for her own actions to the point that
09:31 shortly thereafter she stopped wetting the bed altogether,
09:33 because she got tired of washing her clothes,
09:35 no spanking, no timeouts, no nothing.
09:37 And I think that's also critical
09:39 in teaching our children,
09:41 but one question I had for you.
09:44 We talked about us, you know, and our children,
09:48 but what about when somebody from outside
09:52 you have to deal with them
09:54 because of something they did, maybe to you,
09:57 to somebody else
09:58 that got under your skin to the point
10:01 where you are about to lose your mind?
10:04 How do you model that for your kids to learn
10:06 how you deal with situations?
10:08 I think you have to even be more careful
10:10 when it's somebody outside of your family,
10:13 you still need to be able to pull back
10:16 and take a timeout, give yourself a timeout,
10:20 before you can solidly deal with whatever it is.
10:24 You can deal with a situation better
10:27 by being, having clear thoughts.
10:29 So you can dialogue better because when you're angry,
10:31 another person's angry, nothing gets done,
10:34 nothing gets accomplished.
10:36 You're going, you know, you going at them,
10:38 they going at, nothing gets accomplished.
10:40 You can better get something accomplished
10:43 if you can pull back, collect your thoughts,
10:46 and then deal with the issue,
10:48 then you can get something out of it.
10:50 So I think that's what you do
10:51 as a parent or as an individual, pull back.
10:55 A counselor once shared with me at a younger age,
10:58 even within my own challenges with anger,
11:00 that each time I am engaging, my spouse,
11:04 this was to minimize conflict between my spouse and I,
11:07 each time you're engaging your spouse,
11:09 imagine that you're speaking to a CEO,
11:13 a superior within your organization,
11:15 Your vice president, your president,
11:17 your CEO, your FEO, whatever,
11:20 you know, imagine that person did
11:22 something wrong,
11:24 that person did something
11:25 that bothered you to some extent
11:26 that you're now standing in the office of the president.
11:30 Just opened the door and he said,
11:32 come on in Paul, have a seat,
11:34 you know, how are you going to engage
11:36 this disgruntled matter, you know.
11:39 Regardless of how angry you are,
11:41 you're going to try to engage it with poise.
11:43 Well, you need to do the same thing within the home,
11:46 you need to be able to convey your words,
11:50 and say how you feel
11:52 as opposed to what we often do wrongly,
11:55 act how we feel.
11:57 So don't act how you feel, say how you feel.
12:00 And another thing I look how I view it sometimes,
12:03 and I share this with my members in my family.
12:07 If I'm going at you, I'm going at the child of God.
12:12 And so whatever I'm going to do to you
12:17 is the Jesus in you that I'm eventually attacking.
12:23 So when you look at it that way,
12:24 from my perspective,
12:26 I think twice before
12:28 because I know that I'm,
12:29 it's not just, it's not just the person,
12:32 not just Paul, it's not just Xavier,
12:34 is the Jesus that is in you that I am,
12:37 because you are a child of God, you are a child of the King.
12:39 So you don't mess with God's children.
12:41 To be honest with you,
12:43 you know, I still struggle with my temper daily.
12:46 You know, it's gotten easier with my family,
12:49 and I don't worry about as much,
12:50 but I'm not going to lie, man,
12:52 there's certain times I still, to this day,
12:55 I feel like the unconverted Peter.
12:58 You know, just, I'm ready to go out
13:00 and launches out there,
13:02 somebody that just irks me,
13:04 especially if I'm driving on the road,
13:06 somebody, you know, is,
13:08 has a bad relationship with the gas pedal.
13:11 And they love the brake pedal.
13:13 I'm like, you know, I'm just ready,
13:15 ready to rumble.
13:17 And it's something that I've learned recently,
13:21 was the concept of patience.
13:23 Patience transcends so many different things.
13:26 And it looks many different ways.
13:28 And in the Bible is described in many different ways
13:30 such as steadfast, long-suffering,
13:34 you know, patience goes a long way.
13:36 And there are times where I still get very upset,
13:40 very angry.
13:41 But one thing I've learned to do,
13:43 because of my dad,
13:44 my dad was always very temperamental.
13:46 But he said, you know, "Son, don't let it take you
13:48 as long as I did to figure it out."
13:50 They were, from now and I see my kids
13:53 and it's kind of like a genetic trait,
13:55 that, way to go.
13:57 So I'm learning, putting myself in check,
14:00 because of my kids,
14:02 because I don't want them to go through the struggles
14:03 I went through.
14:05 And that's one thing, you know, in the seminary,
14:08 almost got in a couple fights in there.
14:10 Because I just didn't like
14:12 the way they were talking to me.
14:13 You know, and I'm still in that mode of,
14:15 you know, we handled things differently on the street.
14:19 We're going to do some street justice,
14:21 you can't talk to me like that.
14:22 We want to handle that outside.
14:24 You know, but God showed me
14:25 that one thing that I really love,
14:28 love, love about God
14:30 is that He doesn't need you to have it figured out.
14:35 He don't need you to have figured out
14:37 and I've taken refuge
14:38 in the conversion process of Peter, James and John,
14:43 the three angriest individuals in the disciple group,
14:47 yet the ones that were closest to Jesus,
14:49 you know, and that's one thing
14:51 I always try to teach my girls is like, don't...
14:54 when you're angry, call out to Jesus.
14:58 It may not make sense to anybody else,
15:00 but it doesn't need to make sense to them,
15:01 it needs to make sense to you.
15:03 And you know, yeah, and it's by the grace of God,
15:06 I've gotten to be more patient
15:09 with circumstances that before
15:11 would have just made me angry, now I'm like, hey, whatever,
15:14 and how do you, what do you do with it?
15:17 I think there's two texts that I want to share.
15:19 Proverbs 29:11,
15:22 a fool gives vent to his anger
15:25 but a wise man keeps himself on the control,
15:29 that's a New International Version.
15:30 So that's one and another text is Paul puts in Galatians 5,
15:34 we notice what?
15:35 Fruits of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, long-suffering,
15:39 patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
15:41 gentleness, self-control.
15:44 It's there that we have to have the self-control.
15:48 We cannot be foolish to just give vent our anger,
15:53 we must exercise this attitude of self-control.
15:57 So we've got to pray for this for the fruits of the Spirit.
16:01 We have to pray for peace. We have to pray for patience.
16:04 We have to pray for self-control
16:05 and I believe that if we pray for these things,
16:09 Jesus will give it to us, because that's what He's about.
16:13 Look how many things He suffered,
16:16 but yet was able to keep Himself together.
16:19 And I do believe that with His righteousness,
16:22 with Him inside of us we can exercise these virtues.
16:29 Amen. Amen. Well said.
16:31 I think also, one of our areas of failure
16:37 happens when we assume
16:39 there's comprehension or understanding
16:41 of a particular matter that we don't agree with.
16:43 It's both within parenting,
16:46 you know, the way we interact with our children,
16:48 as well as our general community.
16:51 Most of us as parents at time tend to treat our children,
16:54 especially toddlers, as little adults.
16:57 So we assume they have our level of comprehension
17:01 of a particular subject matter or practice that's routine.
17:06 What we have to realize is,
17:07 it's been routine a lot longer for us.
17:10 So it's very elementary for us.
17:12 It may still be a factor that's a developing skill
17:16 within a toddler or even a young child.
17:19 So we need to dismiss the young adult principle.
17:21 Stop assuming that children are little adults
17:24 that they have the same level of cognitive awareness
17:28 or understanding that you do, and the same for your neighbor.
17:32 It's often when we have conflict socially,
17:35 is because the first thing that registers in our mind
17:37 with our spouse, child,
17:39 or the individual on the outside is
17:41 this person should know better.
17:43 And it's the fact that they don't know better
17:45 that frustrates us,
17:47 then we get into a conflict situation.
17:51 However, most conflict situations
17:53 or rather many conflict situations
17:56 actually are situations that we cannot win.
18:00 We think so in our mind, by how we define winning,
18:03 but in actuality, you lose
18:06 even when you think you have won.
18:08 So which one of us would be walking
18:10 into Walmart one day.
18:11 Let's take you for example, you walked me into Walmart,
18:14 and a 10-year-old boy,
18:17 who happens to be very tall for his age.
18:19 He's taller than you were, these phrases I don't know,
18:22 whatever, you know, Gordan's height.
18:23 Just walks up to you and he starts eyeballing you
18:25 and he says, "Man, yeah, I wish you would,
18:27 I wish you would even try it man, of course.
18:29 Yeah, you is the one
18:30 that walked in front of me in a line last week
18:32 when I was out in mall.
18:33 You want to try something now, man."
18:34 You know, he turns around, turning his fist,
18:37 "Yo, yo, hold on that, hold my jacket."
18:39 Takes off his jacket, takes off his hat and say,
18:42 "Come on, man, was up, you want to try this now?"
18:44 There you are.
18:45 And you are 30-year-old individual
18:48 walking into Walmart.
18:49 Would you stop and fight this kid?
18:51 Yes or no?
18:53 Probably not. Probably not.
18:54 What I think about it.
18:55 Where I think about taking off my belt,
18:58 whopping him right then in the middle of parking lot.
18:59 Okay, we're talking about,
19:01 again, we're talking about winning or losing, right?
19:03 So let's say even gets as far as he pokes you,
19:06 you know, gives a little poke in your shoulder
19:07 or something like that.
19:09 Would you fight the kid then?
19:10 More, most of us, of course, the answer is no.
19:13 And because we're talking about winning that battle.
19:15 If you fight the kid,
19:17 you say how dare this kid disrespect me
19:18 and then you turn and you jump on him.
19:20 Put your foot behind him,
19:22 do your little law enforcement trick
19:23 that you learned, put him flat in his back.
19:25 He starts to fumble or whatever.
19:27 You have lost the battle,
19:28 because people surround you are going to say,
19:30 look at you beat whooping on that 10-year-old kid.
19:33 What's wrong with you?
19:34 Now worse to that
19:36 if you challenged the kid to the fight,
19:37 you hit him back,
19:39 the two of you on the ground tumbling,
19:40 kid flips you over and gets the better of you.
19:43 Look at you letting that 10-year old kid whip you.
19:45 You should be
19:47 you know, it's a no-win situation.
19:49 If you win, you get up,
19:50 police puts you in handcuffs and they carry away.
19:52 The same thing happens in our home often.
19:55 Our children don't have the physical strength
19:59 and for sure, they don't have the intellectual,
20:02 sometimes I wonder.
20:03 But what they do know is how to push your button.
20:07 They know how to bring you down
20:09 to their level.
20:11 Babies as well,
20:12 they know the most powerful tool
20:13 they have is that scream, that cry,
20:15 you can't handle their crying.
20:16 They're going to cry until they get you to do
20:18 what it is that they want you to do.
20:20 Spouses do the same thing at times.
20:22 And neighbors do the same thing at times.
20:24 People know how to push your button.
20:26 So it's about not letting an individual
20:28 draw us down to their level,
20:31 we have to remain cognizant of what he just shared
20:34 in terms of
20:35 what is the character of Christ,
20:37 how Christ would act
20:38 and relate to this matter of conflict
20:40 and try our best to emulate that.
20:42 Otherwise, we end up in no-win situations,
20:44 even when we think we are winning.
20:46 Because you know, we can only control ourselves,
20:48 you can't control,
20:49 we can't control someone else's actions.
20:51 So however, that an individual is behaving,
20:54 you can't control that.
20:56 But you can always control yourself
20:58 and how you behave and how you react.
21:00 I think it's critical too because even on a medical,
21:04 from medical standpoint, you know, as they call it,
21:07 type A personalities.
21:09 Type A personalities,
21:10 you know, they can lead to a heart attack,
21:13 they can lead to a lot of health issues
21:16 for no reason.
21:18 For no reason and getting angry
21:20 over situations you can't control nor change.
21:23 You know, I've learned a couple key facts is that
21:26 is not how the situation affects you,
21:29 it's how you respond.
21:31 You know, and it's not, and one of my friends,
21:33 colleagues from seminary, he pulled me aside,
21:37 he's a retired Marine.
21:39 And I'm like, best advice in the world right there.
21:42 He said to me, he gave me the lowdown
21:45 on how he overcame aside from,
21:48 you know, being a Christian and clinging on to God,
21:51 he learned that,
21:52 you know, temper is like a pot of boiling water.
21:55 Don't let it start getting to the bubbling phase.
21:58 When it starts bubbling, then it can boil over.
22:01 And that's when issues happen.
22:02 So there's a lot of different techniques.
22:06 And it's important that we teach our kids
22:08 and we model for our kids that as well.
22:11 I don't know what else do you guys do?
22:13 What else do you recommend? What?
22:14 Go ahead. Sorry.
22:17 I like to share with my child my own learning lessons.
22:20 One of them that I remember clearly,
22:23 I maybe was about 18 or 19.
22:25 Driving in Brooklyn,
22:26 I share with you all my challenges
22:28 with law enforcement as a teen.
22:30 And they were ones that were bitterly terrible.
22:32 And they were ones
22:33 that I really learned something from,
22:35 this was one of them.
22:36 I ran a red light.
22:38 I'm approaching an intersection.
22:41 And the light was yellow, not red.
22:46 And so I stepped on the gas
22:49 and proceeded to get through light
22:51 before it turned red.
22:53 What I didn't know
22:54 there were some officers in a lot
22:56 somewhere across observing this.
22:57 Now, I didn't go through the red light,
23:00 but the problem was I had a little sports car,
23:02 was playing my music,
23:04 and I put some horsepower to that pedal
23:07 when I went through the intersection.
23:09 Policeman came on and started pursuing me.
23:11 I was playing my music so loud, couldn't see it,
23:14 I didn't even know I was being followed.
23:16 They were following me or chasing me for a good
23:19 maybe five minutes before I stopped for a light.
23:23 And when I stopped for the light
23:24 that's when they were finally able to maneuver
23:26 traffic and capture.
23:27 Okay, they're upset at this point.
23:29 And I remember another civilian car over
23:31 was laughing at the cop
23:32 when he came out the car, that boy,
23:34 y'all would have never caught that boy
23:35 if it wasn't for that red light.
23:36 Oh man. He was gone.
23:38 He was gone. Yeah, that was my intent.
23:39 The officer was angry.
23:41 Roll on window, officer grabbed me,
23:42 started pulling me through the window,
23:44 even with my seatbelt still on
23:46 punching me, elbowing me, all this kind of stuff.
23:49 And then a sergeant came, an older officer.
23:52 And once the sergeant came, he stopped.
23:54 He started to be a little different,
23:55 but this sergeant who looked like
23:58 he was about maybe in the 60s,
24:00 came in, he leaned on the window,
24:01 and I was complaining him
24:02 about how the other officer treated me and all of this.
24:04 And I told him
24:06 I wasn't trying to get away from y'all,
24:07 I didn't even know y'all was following me, man.
24:09 You don't tell the officer this.
24:10 Officer said, "Yes, but we were following you
24:12 because you must have hit about 80
24:15 when you went through that that light."
24:17 I said, "But I didn't run the light.
24:18 I didn't run the light.
24:19 I know it was yellow when I went on under it,
24:22 it wasn't red.
24:23 I swear it wasn't red."
24:25 He says, "That's not the point."
24:26 The point I'm trying to tell you
24:27 and he used this word, son.
24:30 He said, "Son,
24:31 the point I'm trying to get you to understand
24:33 is why did you need to go through the light?
24:36 I mean, why did it matter to that extent?
24:38 Are you going to see someone
24:39 in the hospital that that's dying?
24:41 Or are you late for work or whatever it is.
24:45 The question I have to ask you is
24:47 why is three minutes worth losing your life?"
24:52 You know, that's the question the cop asked me.
24:55 He said why is three minutes and he said,
24:57 I doubt that light wasn't even three.
24:59 I don't even think that's a three minute light.
25:01 But I know we have some three minutes lights
25:02 in New York here.
25:04 But why is three minutes worth losing your life,
25:08 going through it and being hit by another vehicle
25:10 or hitting somebody,
25:11 losing control of your vehicle or whatever having,
25:13 so think about that.
25:15 So we have to think often
25:17 about what is propelling us in that sense to be,
25:21 so, you know, eager to prove our point,
25:25 you know, is it worth
25:27 losing a lifetime of relationship with someone.
25:30 I also think that for our children,
25:33 we need to encourage and foster the good habits
25:36 when they show self-control reward them.
25:40 I think that is a good way of helping them.
25:44 Just have them to foster self-control,
25:47 is give them a reward for the positive things.
25:49 I think that is one way
25:51 that we can help our children along.
25:53 Also, just, you know,
25:55 teach them that patience is all.
25:57 You can walk away from any situation.
26:00 You don't have to win.
26:03 I think sometimes they feel that we must win.
26:05 And you know, they need to know limits,
26:08 they need to know limitations, and you can walk away,
26:11 it's better to walk away and live than to try to,
26:16 you know, get an argument and die.
26:19 I think walking away is another good way.
26:22 Teach them to hit the pause button.
26:24 You know, I'm getting angry, I'm getting, I'm boiling,
26:29 pause, walk out of the room, come back, stop.
26:33 Think about the actions,
26:34 think about the repercussions of their actions.
26:37 These are things as far as we need to foster
26:39 in our children,
26:40 and teach them how to control themselves.
26:44 I agree, and you guys brought up
26:45 a lot of great points,
26:46 because it's so critical
26:48 is not just for the sake of being peaceful.
26:52 But is for preservation for, for being a good role model,
26:57 you know, for helping to end the violence as well,
27:01 at least in our sphere,
27:03 in our little nucleus of our home.
27:05 You know, it's so critical that we understand that
27:07 and I appreciate you guys talking to me
27:09 and discussing this with me
27:11 and for the viewers out there,
27:13 again, it's not an easy thing to do.
27:17 Especially away as a father you are protector,
27:19 supposed to protect.
27:21 You're supposed to be there,
27:22 you're supposed to be the disciplinarian,
27:23 whatever you want to call it, however you want to define it,
27:26 you're not supposed to let that temper overpower you.
27:31 Everybody has a temper, we all have issues.
27:34 We all have hot buttons in which we lose it,
27:37 you know, or we might lose it.
27:38 The point is,
27:40 what are you doing with those emotions?
27:42 You know, learn to control it,
27:44 learn to give yourself up to God.
27:45 It's not saying that just to be cliche,
27:48 but literally give it up to God, I'm serious.
27:52 That's what's helped me all this time.
27:54 I should have been in jail three times over
27:56 because of my temper but here I am today.
27:58 And I'm telling you, when you give it to God,
28:00 you can be the best father in the world
28:02 and teach your kids to have patience.
28:04 Thank you for watching.