Participants: Cheri Peters, Fred and Brenda Stoeker
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000002
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00:11 Welcome to Celebrating life in Recovery. I'm Cheri, your host.
00:14 Today we'll look at how messed up we can get 00:17 and exactly what do we need to restore us the sanity. 00:19 Come join us. This is an incredible show. 00:48 In the book " Steps to Christ" 00:50 the second chapter starts out with the statement that says, 00:53 "Man was originally endowed with noble powers 00:57 and a well balanced mind." 00:59 And I think of myself and the people I know, 01:01 I think "What happened?" 01:03 And I want to say just kidding, but I'm serious, 01:05 what happened? 01:06 I read the newspapers and we are anything but balanced. 01:09 I try to deal with my own recovery and try to figure out 01:15 how to walk in recovering those kind of things. 01:19 And I'm watching movies 01:20 and the movies are kind of about my own lifestyle 01:22 most of the time, and I don't want to watch them, 01:24 and all that kind of stuff. 01:26 And I ask God, I'm praying, 01:27 "God O.K, what can I watch?" 01:29 And He says, "Anything that's not dark, with dark themes." 01:35 And I'm thinking, I turned on a commercial and I said, 01:37 "Ok, I'll watch that." 01:39 And I haven't even got to the movie yet. 01:41 This show is called "Powerless without Jesus". 01:45 Will cover how to heal, 01:46 how to allow God to restore us the sanity, fill us with joy 01:50 I'd like to introduce you to the people that are at the cafe. 01:53 We've got Brenda Stoeker, and Brenda I love you. 01:56 We're going to talk to you some time today. 01:58 And Fred Stoeker. 02:00 You have helped me to heal in ways that you don't even know. 02:03 We've got the pastor and his wife, Richard, Annette, Curly. 02:07 I'm blessed by you and I want to tell some stories 02:12 about when we first met too. And Pam. 02:13 I want to say as we start this show, "Powerless without Jesus", 02:19 I'm going to tell you some stories 02:21 and I really want to turn to my life, 02:25 I want to talk about where I came from 02:27 and why I think this show 02:29 is the most important show that we'll do. 02:32 I was born to 14 and 16 year old addicts, they were a mess, 02:37 I was homeless by the time I was 13 years old. 02:40 When I ended up on the streets, at 13 years old, 02:45 the options that I had as far as work, how to survive, 02:49 how to be fed, how to be housed, 02:51 all those kind of things were so ugly. 02:55 And some of that I'm not even going to talk about 02:57 because it was too ugly. 02:59 If your kids are around right know 03:02 this is not going to be a show for kids. 03:05 It is a show for people 03:08 that are struggling with various addictions, 03:11 it's a show for someone that is working with anybody 03:14 on the planet. 03:17 Anybody that's struggling with stuff. 03:19 Because you really do need to understand what's out there. 03:23 We spend more money on our darker addictions 03:26 than we do on all entertainment, all sports entertainment, 03:31 all movies, all video games, all those kind of things 03:34 that you think we spend so much money on. 03:37 We spend more money on our darker addictions 03:38 and all that stuff. 03:41 When I ended up on the streets I was homeless. 03:45 When I was 14 years old I got picked up by a motorcycle gang. 03:50 When I was picked up it was probably... 03:53 I saw the guy come up on a Harley Davidson, 03:57 I didn't have a place to stay, 04:00 I was not in a place where I was being safe, 04:03 the person kind of raising me was in jail, and I was stuck, 04:07 I was stuck without any place to go. 04:09 He said, "Do you want to go camping?" 04:12 I'm like, "Shut up! 04:14 How fun would that be?!" 04:15 I've never been camping, my family are addicts, right? 04:18 And even when I was little my dad, 04:21 who the first time he got caught molesting me I was 3 months old, 04:26 and I think I was molested from birth, 04:28 he was kicked out finally when I was 4, 04:29 my mom moved a bartender in who was alcoholic and really a mess. 04:35 And I loved them, I just have to say. 04:36 As much as messed my family is, though my family. 04:40 But this is just the reality of how I grew up. 04:43 But we never went camping. 04:46 Child protective services always came to my house 04:49 trying to remove us from the home. 04:51 We didn't have a kind of upbringing 04:54 that most people would have. 04:55 So when somebody said "camping" 04:57 I was just like, "How fun!" 04:58 I was a drug addict by that time. 05:01 I started doing drugs when I was 11 to survive. 05:04 The first time somebody gave me drugs I was 11 years old. 05:08 My family asked me to leave the house. 05:12 They didn't want me there. 05:13 It was real clear they didn't want me there. 05:16 My mom, like I said, was 14 when she had me. 05:18 She had 5 kids by the time she was 21. 05:20 The house was a mess. 05:22 So I was introduced to drugs at 11. 05:24 The first time I took drugs it was Quaalude a sedative. 05:28 And I didn't feel like dying. 05:30 I thought, "Oh, man! 05:32 How good is this!" 05:33 I remember thinking that if one makes me feel like not dying 05:37 could I have four more, could somebody give me some more? 05:41 I stayed high for the next 10 years. 05:44 When I say "high" to a lot of people they... 05:46 I don't think you get the picture. 05:48 I had to hold on to things a lot of times 05:51 when I walked around. 05:53 I was pregnant by the age 12 because I was on the streets, 05:56 I was using. 05:58 Somebody said, "Who is the father?" 06:00 "I don't even know." 06:01 I ended up getting married by 13, 06:05 before I ended up on the streets. 06:07 I married a guy in the navy, went over seas, 06:10 moved me into his mom's house. 06:12 Him mom hated me, of course. 06:13 I was a 12 year old drug addict that just ruined his sons life. 06:16 I thought, 06:17 "I don't have to stay here anymore because I'm an adult, 06:20 I'm married." 06:21 When I ended up on the streets 06:23 I got picked up by a group of heroine addicts 06:25 So that is how I ended up standing in front of this biker 06:29 saying, "Do you want to go camping?" 06:31 He gave me some drugs. 06:33 From the time I first started doing drugs 06:36 I was never not high. 06:38 If I had to deal with life how it was in front of me 06:43 it was too painful. 06:45 I would just want somebody to take me out. 06:48 Could somebody just throw me in front of a train? 06:51 Because I don't want to be here. 06:52 But if I was high I didn't care. 06:56 So we went camping and he gave me some drugs. 06:59 We got to the camp side. 07:01 It was 300 people, there at least. 07:03 I got off the bike and I'm thinking, 07:06 "This is going to be so much fun!" 07:08 I started walking to the main group and he said, 07:10 "Excuse me, but did I tell you could walk away from me?" 07:14 And I'm like, "What? Did I ask you?" 07:17 I started laughing 07:19 and he hit me in the face as hard as he could. 07:22 I fell into a tree, slammed into a tree actually, and slid down. 07:26 I thought, "I can't believe hits guy hit me." 07:28 I jumped up and I hit him in the face as hard as I could. 07:32 I was 14, he was 38. 07:34 He was sergeant of arms in a bike club and he was built. 07:37 A big guy. 07:38 When I say I was 14 I used to think I must have looked older, 07:41 I must have been...whatever. 07:44 I looked 14, I was a kid. 07:46 When I hit him again, he hit me again I hit the same tree 07:49 and everybody started laughing, 07:51 it started gathering people around us that said, 07:53 "How fun is that?!" 07:55 I was furious. 07:56 I thought, "Are they laughing at me?" 07:58 It was almost like every injustice in my life came up. 08:02 When I talked about my dad molested me when I was a kid, 08:05 there was a guy across the street from my elementary school 08:08 that got an apartment separate from his house 08:11 so he could molested kids from the school. 08:13 There was people in my family that were very abusive sexually, 08:18 very sexualized behavior. 08:19 When you have a molested kid he usually draws molesters. 08:24 They will attract people around them because they are so needy. 08:29 I didn't know that but my history was very intense. 08:31 And so when I'm lying there after being hit 08:34 all that stuff just started coming up to me and I thought, 08:36 "He is not going to hit me like that." 08:39 And I jumped and hit him again. 08:41 And he hit me again and I fell back down, 08:44 and I remember just went into a rage, 08:46 literally went into a rage. 08:47 I jumped back up, I hit him, scratched him, 08:51 and he was laughing so hard he couldn't hit me. 08:54 I thought, "He is laughing at me." 08:56 I went nuts, I literally went crazy. 09:01 He was trying to hold me from hitting him again. 09:05 And as he stopped laughing and gained control 09:08 he hit me so hard that he knocked some teeth out 09:10 of the front of my mouth. 09:11 I felt like my face had cracked. 09:13 I was lying there and I felt blood everywhere. 09:18 I was trying to check with my tongue 09:21 how many teeth did I have left. 09:22 I knew that I had lost some teeth 09:24 and I'm trying to check that. 09:26 As I was doing that he walked up and he said, 09:30 "You know, I think you are so gutsy. I like that. 09:34 I'd like you to be my old lady." 09:37 I thought, "Is he asking me out? 09:39 Is this guy asking me out?" 09:41 And he was. 09:42 What he was saying is that in that lifestyle. 09:46 Because I could take a beating and get up and defend myself. 09:52 He wanted me as his girlfriend. 09:55 Anybody want to guess what I said? 09:58 "No, thank you.", that's what I said. 10:02 "Absolutely not!" 10:04 And he informed me that this was really not a question. 10:07 He wasn't really waiting for an answer from me. 10:10 But my feeling was "Absolutely not." 10:12 But now I'm his property. 10:13 And in bikers, 10:15 in that lifestyle the bikes are number one, 10:20 the brothers, or his partners, are number two, 10:27 women maybe are number three. 10:31 But it maybe even drugs and that kind of stuff. 10:34 Women are very far down the road. 10:35 Now I'm his property. 10:37 They picked up three girls from the street. I didn't know that. 10:40 So three girls were picked up from the street. 10:42 They were picked up to be turned out. 10:44 What that means 10:45 is that they were having initiation for new members, 10:48 they were bringing new bikers into the club, 10:50 they needed girls from the street 10:52 in order to initiate the new members. 10:54 And they were brought in to be beaten and whatever. 10:57 I could tell you some of the things they did to this women. 11:00 I wasn't one of them now because I was taken as his girlfriend. 11:05 So I was not one but I watched 11:07 a 13 year old that first night until she was dead. 11:12 People say, 11:14 "On the street, 11:15 did you have anything that you didn't get over it well?" 11:19 This was one of the things that I had nightmares 11:21 for years and years. 11:23 Because I heard this girl just screaming all day long, 11:26 all night long. 11:27 Out of the 300 people that were there, men and women, 11:31 this girl was abused by all of them. 11:33 What was funny to them is not only raping them 11:36 but beating them, hitting them, all that kind of stuff. 11:40 She was horribly abused and when she started to die 11:43 her scream's changed, the sound of her voice was different. 11:47 I started screaming, "She is dying!" 11:49 I've never heard anyone die but it's so obvious. 11:54 It's so obvious when someone has this sound of death to them. 12:00 I remember him coming to my face and just saying, 12:04 "Shut up. You either take her place or shut up. I'm serious." 12:09 I couldn't shut up, I kept screaming, 12:11 "You've got to stop them." 12:13 And pretty soon I got beat up 12:15 and taken to another part of the campground. 12:18 Eventually he had to take me and we left the campground early 12:23 because I could not stop. 12:25 I was so outraged by the abuses I saw and the damage. 12:31 The first time I got into a Bible study, when I met God, 12:37 and I'm going to go through that on various shows 12:40 because it was incredible. 12:42 It took me two weeks to leave those bikers, 12:48 to escape from there. 12:49 In those two weeks I watched abuses 12:52 that I cannot even say on the set. 12:57 Because if I tell you, not that I don't want to tell you, 13:00 because I want to tell everyone, 13:01 and the reason I want to tell everyone 13:03 is not because I want to exploit anything, 13:05 not because I want to shock anyone, 13:07 but as Christians I want us to finally say, 13:10 "You know what? It matters that we are here. 13:13 We need to get out there. 13:14 People are so destroying themselves. 13:16 Sin has them so twisted 13:18 that some people will never be able to untwist 13:20 unless we say there is hope." 13:22 There is a Saviour that says, 13:24 "I even know...", the theme text for this show is Isaiah 57,18, 13:28 "I know everything about you. 13:31 I know all your garbage and I will heal you anyway." 13:34 That is what God is saying. 13:36 He is saying it to these bikers. 13:38 He is saying it to me, 13:39 to this homeless kid that ends up on the street. 13:40 He is saying it to you, any of the things that you deal with. 13:45 He is saying that to us. 13:46 So it takes me two weeks to escape. 13:56 I end up going through all this kind of stuff on the street. 14:04 I was on the street from that point for the next few years. 14:07 I got off the street at 23 when I meet Jesus Christ. 14:12 In a drug house, sitting on a bed trying to kill myself. 14:15 I was so done. I had seen that kind of situation 14:18 plus worse throughout the years. 14:22 I had been strung out on heroine for the last few years. 14:25 I was selling drugs. 14:26 The Vice that was supposed to arrest us for selling drugs 14:29 was actually trading favors off with the kids 14:32 that I ran with 14:33 so they wouldn't arrest us. 14:35 I saw darker things. 14:37 If I met a pastor on the street 14:39 it was because of a darker addiction. 14:41 If I met a doctor on the street 14:42 it was because of a darker addiction. 14:45 I met a guy that was head of cardiac surgery one time. 14:49 And I was in a drug house, wasted. 14:51 And he said he was a doctor, 14:52 head of cardiac surgery, did heart transplants. 14:55 I wanted to see his hands because I thought, 14:58 "Wow! That is amazing!" 15:00 I remember all of the sudden thinking, 15:03 "You're a doctor? You do heart transplants." 15:08 I went up to him and I said, "What are you doing here?" 15:14 And he is like, "What do you mean?" 15:16 "I mean, what are you doing here?" 15:18 And he is like, "What do you mean?" 15:20 And the people that I was running with, 15:22 the other child prostitutes, the addicts are saying, 15:26 "Cheri, shut up." 15:29 The reason they are telling me that is, 15:31 "Don't bug him, he brings money here. 15:34 We're playing this guy" 15:35 And I'm telling this guy, "What are you doing here? 15:38 Do you have a wife? Do you have kids? 15:40 Do the people you work with know that you're here?" 15:43 I wanted so desperately for someone to be normal. 15:46 Does that sound crazy? 15:47 I'm sitting there trying to kill myself. I'm so done. 15:51 I remember getting everything ready, I'm not in the pain. 15:54 My first suicide attempt was when I was 8 15:57 and I jumped of a house. 15:58 When I figured out where I was going to jump, at 8 years old, 16:02 I put a mattress down so when I hit I wouldn't hurt myself. 16:05 So I'm not in the pain and I got some different things together 16:10 and I'm ready to kill myself 16:18 and I felt like the presence of God just came in the room. 16:24 And somebody says, 16:25 "Did the room changed, did it light up?" 16:28 I think it did. 16:29 But if you had a video camera nothing happened. 16:31 But I felt like the Holy Spirit, God Himself came in the room. 16:34 I had never had any encounters with God. 16:36 My family is not Christian. 16:38 God said, "Cheri, I love you." 16:42 I felt safe for the first time in my life, 16:46 I felt loved and no reason for that. 16:50 I said, "Look at me." 16:52 I had teeth missing and I'm a heroin addict. 16:55 I don't even know anything. 16:57 I'm illiterate, fairly illiterate. 16:59 I could probably read like second grade level. 17:02 And God says, "I love you. 17:03 I want to show you who I see when I look at you." 17:06 He gives me this image. 17:07 And I don't know He does that when He shows you something 17:10 but you see nothing, but you see everything. 17:12 I don't know how the Holy Spirit does this 17:15 but He shows me who I am in Christ. 17:17 And who I am is His beautiful child. 17:21 I thought, "No way, no way..." 17:22 You know what hit me about this image? 17:25 That she was so innocent. 17:29 I said, "I've never been innocent in my life." 17:32 I was molested from the first time I came out of the womb. 17:36 I've never been loved. 17:38 And God said, "You've always been that way to Me 17:40 and if you trust Me stand up, I'll walk you into this image." 17:44 And I did, and I trust Him. 17:47 We're going to talk about a God that says, 17:49 "I don't care what your junk is. 17:51 I want to restore you to sanity. 17:53 I want to bring you to a place 17:55 where you can stand holy in the presence of the holy God 17:58 with all your junk." 18:00 He's talking not only to me 18:02 but to every biker that was there that weekend. 18:04 Every person that I met on the street He was talking to 18:08 and He said, "I don't want anyone to perish. 18:10 I don't want anyone to die outside of relationship. 18:13 I want to bring you life." 18:15 So stay with us. 18:16 I'm going to introduce you to a friend of mine, Fred Stoeker, 18:20 that you will be blessed by him. 18:21 You will be blessed by what he brings to the table. 18:26 Don't go away. 18:35 We want to introduce you to a beautiful book 18:38 called "Steps to Christ". 18:40 Each program in this series is based on a different chapter, 18:44 showing you how to become a Christian 18:47 and gain victory over your addictions. 18:50 "Steps to Christ" is our gift to you, free of charge. 18:53 Call us at (618) 627-4651 during the regular business hours 18:57 or write to Steps to Christ, P.O Box 220, 19:01 West Frankfurt, Il 62896 19:20 Welcome back! 19:22 I think the funniest think I ever learned 19:25 when I first came into Christianity 19:26 and I first started studying the Bible, 19:28 someone told me a story about Mary Magdalene 19:31 and the woman that was dragged to Jesus' feet. 19:35 She was a prostitute caught in the act, 19:37 and all that kind of things. 19:39 I just wept because I thought that Christ looked at her 19:43 and in love He said, "You know what? 19:46 Go and don't hurt yourself anymore. Don't sin anymore." 19:49 I really don't believe 19:50 that He said it in the way "don't do wrong" 19:53 He's like, "Don't hurt yourself. Stand up, live your life." 19:56 And then they told me this story and I will never forget it 19:59 because they said, "You know what? 20:01 I want to tell you the story 20:02 about a guy that was filled with demons 20:06 and had foam at the mouth, and just horrible. 20:10 He was cutting himself with stones. 20:13 He was beating people up. 20:14 They chained him up, he broke the chains. 20:17 He lived in the cemetery, all those things." 20:19 And the person said, "Did I tell you he was ugly? 20:22 With foam at the mouth, filled with thousands of demons?" 20:24 I thought "You did." 20:25 A little while later he didn't tell me what happened but said, 20:28 "Did I tell you? This guy was ugly." 20:31 And I'm thinking, "You did tell me. I know he was ugly." 20:34 And the whole time they are talking I'm thinking, 20:36 "You know what? I think I dated that guy." 20:39 I was so serious that I thought I dated him. 20:42 I wanted to say that when I listened to the story, 20:45 one of the things I wanted to know with everything in me... 20:49 because you heard the story about the bikers. 20:51 I've seen people filled with demons. 20:52 I've seen people in such destructive lifestyles 20:55 that are just unbelievable. 20:57 Murdering each other and all that kind of stuff. 20:59 I wanted to know what did Jesus do, what did God do. 21:03 He said He walked up to him, everybody ran. 21:06 And He is standing there. 21:08 And as He stood there the guy opens his mouth 21:10 and instead of pleading for God to change something, 21:13 he cuffs them out, curses them out. 21:16 And God doesn't move, Jesus doesn't move. 21:18 He just stands there. 21:20 He said that He saw within this guy soul a small part of him 21:24 that wanted to be restored, wanted to be in his right mind. 21:27 And He did that for him. 21:30 He pulled all the demons out, 21:31 restored this guy to his right mind. 21:34 And for the first time, in I don't know for how long, 21:37 this guy stood in his right mind next to Christ. 21:41 I thought, "Oh, I want that." 21:43 I want to introduce you to Fred and Brenda Stoeker, 21:47 no that Fred reminds me of the demoniac. 21:51 Thank you for being on the show. 21:53 It's great to be here! 21:55 You both have blessed me in ways that you don't even know. 21:59 We're going to cover all of the today. 22:02 You have a ministry that is international. 22:05 You've been definitely all of the U.S. 22:08 Introduce yourself, a little bit about the ministry 22:12 and then let's get into your testimony. 22:14 I found a living in true ministry. 22:17 It's designed to help men to learn how to live normally. 22:21 From my own past, I grew up in kind of a dysfunctional home 22:24 and I got into sexual sin. 22:26 It took me a while once I became a Christian 22:28 to really understand what I needed to be. 22:32 That's what I want to do for men now. 22:34 I want to go out and help them see. 22:35 Is it because you understand the gift that Christ has given you 22:45 and how He wants to restore us? 22:47 Oh, sure. In Psalm 51 it talks about the fact that God takes us 22:51 cleans us up and then sends us out to teach others. 22:54 I'd like to think at that as my destiny. 22:57 I need to be out helping other guys 22:59 to experience this freedom that I'm experiencing. 23:02 Since the purity came in my life, 23:04 my wife and I had such a wonderful marriage since then. 23:07 We've been married for 25 years and we're having a great time. 23:11 That's what God wants for us. 23:13 He wants us to live lives that are reflective of His word 23:17 and that we can just be happy. 23:19 Obviously we need to be helping Him reach others as well. 23:23 We're going to get into both of those things. 23:26 Brenda, when he says "I'm happy." is he right? 23:29 He is really right. 23:31 I just had to check. 23:33 We are very, very blessed. 23:36 As we get into this you're going to come back on another show 23:40 and just hear your testimony. 23:43 You've written a book called "Every heart restored". 23:45 And so, as we listen to him, 23:47 I want people to know that we will cover your restoration too. 23:51 Fred, tell us. 23:54 Dysfunctional home, getting into sexual sin, 23:57 what do you mean by that? 23:58 I know it really bothers some folks talking about that. 24:04 But I want people to know that I do ministry all over the world. 24:09 I have been fortunate enough, 24:11 I think God has given me the opportunities to talk to people 24:14 in prisons and rehab centers and jails and churches. 24:17 And every single time sexual sin comes up, 24:19 and I don't get out of the churches 24:22 usually until 12:30-1:30 at night 24:24 because people are dealing with these. 24:26 And so I'm so grateful for your ministry 24:29 and that you are able to say out loud there is hope. 24:32 There is a lot of hope. 24:34 When I went out to college, I went to Standford University, 24:35 for those who would know where that is, 24:40 I was probably a thousand miles away from home and very lonely. 24:43 It wasn't long before I started to get hooked on porn 24:47 because it was something that made me feel connected somehow. 24:50 It wasn't long before I had the dates memorized 24:52 when those magazines would come 24:54 into the campus bookstore each month. 24:56 And I would be the first one on campus to get those. 24:59 So it was really important to me. 25:01 Then I began to chase women. 25:02 Probably, maybe in a year of college I had four girlfriends, 25:06 I was sleeping with three of them, 25:07 and I was essentially engaged to be married to two of them. 25:10 None of them knew about each other. 25:13 It was a time of my life 25:17 when I really didn't know that that was wrong. 25:20 It seemed like everybody was having a good time, 25:22 no one was getting hurt. 25:23 But there was something nagging in my heart 25:26 about "Who am I really?" 25:29 It was starting to get hard to keep all the balls in the air 25:32 and it felt like a gerbil on the wheel. 25:35 There was a night that I was in my office, 25:38 I was working as a stock broker at the time, 25:41 so I was sitting in my office, I was looking out the window, 25:44 and there was a sunset, it was just coming down in California, 25:48 there are beautiful sunsets out there, 25:49 and I decide, "I'm the last one here. I want to go home. 25:52 I need to go home, but I want to watch this sunset 25:54 before I go home. Just to enjoy myself, relax a little bit." 25:57 I sat down and I put my hands behind my head, 25:59 I put one feet up on the credenza 26:02 and I started watching that sunset. 26:05 What you said earlier about your salvation 26:07 struck me right through my toes 26:09 because I've never heard anybody else say what you said 26:12 except me. 26:16 I don't know how God did it but He suddenly changed the scene 26:21 and I could see everything that I'd become. 26:25 He didn't actually show me anything 26:27 and yet He showed me everything that I'd become. 26:30 It was in that moment that I understood 26:33 that something had to change. 26:36 So I bowed my head and I prayed a simple prayer, 26:39 "Lord, I'm ready to work with you 26:40 if You are ready to work with me." 26:41 When I got up from there and went home 26:44 I didn't even know I was saved. 26:45 I had no idea that it stuck, so to say. 26:49 But over the next few weeks I was on my way back home to Iowa. 26:54 The Lord seem to move everything in my life 26:56 and I was moving back to Iowa 26:58 leaving all those girlfriends behind. 27:01 I had a chance for a new life. 27:03 When I got back there I began going to a church 27:07 that was doing some Sunday school classes on marriage. 27:10 As I was going through the list of Sunday school classes 27:12 and I came to that class I thought to myself, 27:15 "If there's anything I need 27:16 it's I need to know how to treat women." 27:19 Even though I wasn't married 27:20 and I didn't have a fiancée or a girlfriend at that time 27:23 I started going to this class. 27:24 And over that year I just fell in love 27:28 with what God has said about women. 27:30 The pastor was teaching us about how different they are from us 27:34 and how important it is for us to understand that, 27:36 and how awesome God made them. 27:39 By the time that year is up I prayed again. 27:43 I love that! 27:45 I got on my knees, it was in my apartment, 27:48 I've just gotten to the point 27:51 when I need to see what one of these looks like. 27:54 I've bee going to church, 27:55 obviously there were Christian women there, 27:57 but I didn't really know any of them. 27:59 So I prayed, "Lord, can You show me a woman 28:01 that embodies these characteristics?" 28:03 I just wanted to see. 28:04 It's one thing to read about a giraffe, 28:06 it's another thing to see one. 28:09 Are you a giraffe? 28:10 I didn't think so. 28:13 In my world she became one I guess. 28:15 Because in a couple of weeks 28:17 I'd kind of forgotten about the prayer, but my dad called 28:20 and he had set up a blind date with Brenda and me. 28:24 I didn't know Brenda at that time and never seen her. 28:26 We were going to go to church 28:28 and then go out to eat afterwards. 28:29 When I was in the seat that day and my dad leaned over and said, 28:33 "Freddy, here she comes." 28:34 I turned and looked at her and the Lord said, 28:37 "This is the girl you're going to marry", as I looked at her. 28:40 It was very exciting. 28:44 But the thing that was most impressive to this story 28:48 is that as I began to know her better and better 28:52 I knew that she really did embody 28:55 all those characteristics I've been talking about. 28:58 When I began to understand that 29:00 I really wanted to do well as a husband. 29:03 Really wanted to do well. 29:05 I stopped looking at porn before we got married 29:09 and I have not purchase porn and looked at it on the computer 29:13 since our wedding day. 29:15 Did you know his history Brenda? 29:17 I knew that he had had a lot of relationships with other girls. 29:20 That was as far as I knew that it went. 29:23 So I assume when we got married 29:25 I thought everything was in the past. 29:27 I had no idea there is any on going problem for him. 29:30 I thought I had left it all behind 29:35 because I wasn't dating other women 29:37 and I wasn't looking at porn. 29:39 But you see, 29:40 the Bible's standard is different from our standard. 29:43 In Ephesians 5:3 it says that we are not to have 29:46 even a hint of sexual immorality in our lives. 29:49 So when I read that and I began to meditate on it and I thought, 29:54 "What in the world does a hint meant?" 29:56 And over time I began to understand that what it means is 29:59 that we are not to get any sexual gratification 30:01 from anyone or anything except our spouse. 30:06 By that standard I was failing miserably. 30:08 I was still watching the R-rated movies, 30:11 there was still a lot of self stimulation 30:14 with lingerie ad inserts 30:16 and department store inserts on Sunday mornings. 30:19 There were joggers, exercise shows, 30:21 all sorts of things that they still had me captured. 30:26 What the Lord was trying to say to me was, 30:29 "These have to go too." 30:31 Can I ask you something? Because in my own recovery, 30:34 one of the things that I learned about God 30:37 is that He was trying to teach me when He says, 30:45 "Don't even look on somebody with lust.", 30:47 is He wasn't saying "That's a check list that I have" 30:51 "I will fill you up with so much joy and so much health 30:56 that you'll be surprised at what actually is to love someone 31:00 and this will get in your way." 31:02 So it wasn't "Don't do this because I said so, 31:04 it was because "I want to pour into you some good stuff." 31:07 And that's the most amazing thing about God 31:09 that I've found over time is that 31:11 a lot of times we think of Him saying "No premarital sex, 31:15 no this or that." 31:16 In other words, "Don't have any fun 31:18 because I'm God and I said so." 31:20 Exactly. 31:21 What I've come to find is that it's nothing like that at all. 31:24 I'm a father and I have a 23 year old son 31:27 and a 15 year old son 31:29 I want to come back to that a little bit 31:31 because since I've had my sons I understand 31:34 how a father looks on the purity of his sons 31:37 and what he wants. 31:39 There's never been a time in my life 31:41 where I've looked at my sons and said, 31:42 "Look, you need to stay pure.", 31:43 that I did it because of my ego or because of my books 31:47 or because I want them to have no fun. 31:48 It all has to do with freedom, peace, so that they can enjoy 31:53 their sexual relationship in their marriage better. 31:55 All of it is out of love. 31:58 We need to understand that that is why He asks us to be pure. 32:04 When you really into my life and you the prices I was paying 32:09 just for those small things. 32:12 What were the prices because you're saying 32:14 that I'm looking at adds, I'm getting lost in the TV still, 32:17 if somebody drives by I'm still following them. 32:21 What most people would say is, "Those are little things. 32:24 They have nothing to do with anything. 32:27 You need to lighten up.", is what they would say. 32:30 But these are the prices that I was paying. 32:34 Should we talk about what you would say? 32:40 We'll save that for later. 32:42 At this time she didn't know anything about it. 32:44 Nothing at all, everything was going fine. 32:49 Our sex life was good. 32:51 I seemed to be the rising young star in our church, 32:53 I was teaching classes. 32:56 We were the family people wanted to emulate kind of a thing. 33:00 I came from a totally different background from Fred's 33:03 and I knew almost nothing at all 33:05 about men's sexual differences with women. 33:07 It never even occurred to me, I had no clue of anything. 33:11 She comes from 4 generations of Christian people 33:16 and so for her everything is always been 33:19 pretty much kind of a straight narrow path 33:21 and I am way off to the left somewhere. 33:26 People were saying, "Look, knock it off. 33:30 You can't control your eyes, your mind does, so just relax." 33:36 I knew I was paying prices and I had to find out why. 33:40 One of the things I noticed was that, for instance, 33:43 when I'd be in church, looking around 33:45 and seeing other people worship, 33:47 I knew I wasn't making the same connection 33:49 that the other men were making. 33:51 But the worst thing 33:53 when it came to my relationship with the board 33:54 was that I couldn't look the in the eye anymore. 33:56 There were so many times I had said I will stop these things 34:01 and I broke my promise every single time. 34:03 And after a while you feel like a goof to go back to the board 34:07 and say, "I'm going to make one more promise." 34:10 After a while it's hard to pray, 34:12 it's hard to even be serious with Him 34:15 because you don't even know if He cares about you some times 34:18 and there were times when I would get so despondent 34:20 I wonder if I was really a Christian anymore. 34:22 Because it was just something that had me by the throat 34:25 and I couldn't get free. 34:27 When it came to Brenda there were also some prices 34:31 I couldn't give myself 100% to her. 34:35 I knew that if she ever found out about this she'd leave. 34:38 At least I suspected that she would. 34:40 I knew that if I had given her my whole life at that point 34:44 when she'd pulled the rug from underneath me 34:47 I would just be dust. 34:48 So my own thinking was, "I can't afford to give my whole life 34:51 to her because she can leave sometime." 34:53 At one level I wasn't as committed to her 34:56 as I could have been even though I'd loved her. 34:59 There were parts of me I was holding back. 35:03 The hardest part was some of the nightmares she was having. 35:09 I don't know what you theologies are about dreams and things 35:13 but there were times where I was looking at those ad inserts 35:18 on Sunday mornings in the middle of self stimulation 35:22 and I would hear Brenda wake up upstairs and I would hear 35:26 just a sudden start and she would rush downstairs 35:28 and I would hear her crying. 35:30 She would come and she would fall into my arms 35:31 and she would say where have you been, Satan was chasing me 35:36 down dark hallways and I was looking in every room 35:39 trying to find you, I need you to protect me. Where were you? 35:45 Imagine how I felt 35:46 knowing that I was had just been sitting there sinning 35:49 and I'd been compromising my spiritual authority in my home. 35:53 Satan had freedom to mess around in my home. 35:57 When it came to my son, his name was Jason 36:03 and he was just two and he was a toddler at the time, 36:06 he had a little pacifier that would hang out of his mouth, 36:08 a little drool, and he would grin up at me 36:10 and I knew what his eyes were saying. There were saying, 36:13 "Daddy, you are my hero. I want to be just like you." 36:18 Sometimes I would brake out crying 36:20 when I would look back into his face. 36:22 Because I knew that there was no way I could keep him 36:26 from the trap I was running in. 36:29 Because my grandparents were both stuck on porn 36:31 and my dad was stuck on porn and then I got stuck on porn. 36:34 I would look into his face and he was trusting me, 36:37 he would look up and I would have to look back, 36:41 "I know I can't keep you from what's coming." 36:44 Those were really hard days for me, but they were good days 36:50 because when I would look into his face I would know 36:53 "I have to do something." 36:55 Well the Lord began to chase me. 36:57 When we are hopeless the Lord runs towards us to help us. 37:04 There was one verse, Luke 6:46, that He chased me with, it was, 37:09 "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? 37:12 He didn't bring that to me in a mean way. 37:17 It was always "Son, why?" 37:22 I would mediate on that, I wouldn't know what to do 37:24 but it was cracking my heart. 37:29 Job 31:1 it says that Job made a covenant with his eyes, 37:36 not to look lustfully at a girl. 37:38 I looked at that and I knew that covenant was a key 37:41 but I didn't understand it. 37:42 How do eyes keep a promise? I don't understand that. 37:47 The more I meditated at this two verses as He chased me 37:50 the more He was preparing me for His next almost a second 37:52 salvation in my life 37:54 where I was driving down Merle Hay Road in Des Moines, Iowa. 37:58 If you've ever been to Des Moines, you know that road. 38:00 It's the key road in the city. 38:03 North-south and going down the hill one day 38:06 a jogger was coming by. 38:08 I looked at her, lusted and I knew 38:10 I'd failed God for the zillionth time. 38:14 I remember slamming my fist in the steering wheel and 38:18 saying, "It stops here. I don't care what it takes" 38:22 but I'm going to learn how to build a covenant 38:24 because I'm not living like this anymore. It stops here." 38:28 For me, and I think for most every man, 38:31 the key to turning around and moving towards the Lord 38:35 is that kind of repentance where you're saying, 38:39 "I am going to turn around now 38:40 and I'm going to go back God's way. 38:43 I have to make a decision that I really, really mean." 38:47 I really meant it then. 38:49 Over the next number of weeks and months 38:52 God began to change everything in who I was. 38:55 I think that a lot of people don't get to feel, 39:00 and I know that you felt it during that time 39:03 that He was braking you in a way that gives you freedom 39:08 to come into a healthy relationship, 39:11 is that there is so much love in the way He is doing it. 39:14 There's no condemnation, there's no shame. 39:17 I remember thinking that everything 39:19 that I put on the table that I was so ashamed of, God said, 39:22 "I know that", and He cleared the table and set a banquet. 39:26 It's like "I want this stuff." 39:29 I just want you to know that God knows our stuff, 39:34 knows our generational things that have kept us in bondage 39:37 and longs to set us free. 39:40 I love listening to the way He said to you 39:45 "Fred, I want you to stand as a man of integrity." 39:50 I always thought I was a man because I was living 39:55 every American man's dream I guess: four girlfriends. 40:00 You might not be able to tell now 40:01 but I used to be pretty handsome. 40:05 I could steal a girl's heart pretty quick. 40:08 And I used them for my own pleasure, but I always thought 40:12 that was a manly thing to do. 40:14 But as I got into the Word I also began to see 40:18 that the Lord's definition of manhood is entirely different 40:21 than what ours says. 40:23 When you go back in you'll see that what he says is that 40:29 he who hears the word of God and keeps it he is the man. 40:33 That's what a real man is. 40:35 When you go back to see what Jesus' ticket in the manhood was 40:39 you get the clear picture. 40:41 When He was left behind in Jerusalem by His parents, 40:43 after the Passover, they thought He was with the company 40:46 all of them going home, 40:48 they've suddenly realized He wasn't with them 40:49 so they had to go back to Jerusalem and find Jesus. 40:52 When they found Him they found Him in the temple 40:55 and He was talking to all the leaders in the temple. 40:57 When they asked Him "Why did you do this to us?", He said 41:00 "Didn't you know I have to be about my father's business?" 41:04 That right there is the passage in the manhood 41:08 for the Christian man: 41:10 being about his Father's business. 41:13 Going in bed with a girl wasn't Jesus' passage in the manhood. 41:19 It wasn't pornography, or drugs, or any other wild thing 41:22 that any of us could think of. 41:25 He said that are passage in the manhood is man would be 41:29 to be about our Father's business. 41:32 As I began to really understand that, 41:34 that I need to hear the word of God and keep it 41:37 and be about my Father's business everything changed. 41:41 it doesn't matter how thick my beard is 41:42 or whether I have hair on my chest, 41:44 or any of the other things we think about as being manhood. 41:47 It's that image that all of us men need to chase. 41:51 That image of Christ being about His Father's business. 41:54 Because it's in that that we're going to find true peace 41:57 and true completion. 41:58 Let me ask you something then. 42:01 I hear what you say but a lot of people are going to say 42:04 "What I believe is that if I turn it over, 42:08 if I give up that, who am I as a man 42:11 and is life even exciting anymore? 42:13 What am I going to feel as a man? What is that going to be? 42:20 It's not like you have to give up everything 42:24 that you've ever done. 42:26 You still camp, you still climb mountains, 42:28 all the other things man do. 42:32 I really think that Satan has lied to us 42:34 and said that this is what's fun. 42:37 There is a part of having 4 girlfriends that's fun. 42:43 I can't deny that there was pleasure in that. 42:47 But when I escaped the old definition of manhood 42:52 where I had to be masculine, handsome, and getting women 42:57 and all those sorts of things. 42:58 When I walked into the destiny that God had for me, 43:03 which is being about His business 43:05 and Him standing with me and me standing on His shoulders 43:08 approaching the future together, 43:10 it was then that life really became extremely interesting 43:15 because what began to happen is all of my fears were gone. 43:19 I started to watch my son, who was two at the time 43:22 when I was still fearful. 43:24 At the age of 11 I told him about pornography 43:27 and the dangers of it. 43:29 He went to school one day 43:30 and told me that his friends had brought it. 43:33 I asked him "What did you do?". 43:36 Is this generation gone or what? 43:39 He said "I walked away dad. Just like you said." 43:42 He was raised in a public school, 43:47 he is a computer engineer, he could get around any defense 43:51 you'd ever want to set up and look at porn if he wanted. 43:54 He has walked through his life to the age of 23 43:57 without looking at those things 43:59 and without the self stimulation, 44:00 all the things that I knew. 44:02 So what God did for you is stopped that 44:04 when you said "It will stop here." 44:06 When he was 11 and he said "I walked away." 44:10 I cannot tell you how my soul just soared. 44:15 Because everything that the Stoeker name used to mean 44:18 was crumbling and I knew it. 44:20 You talk about excitement and fun in life. 44:24 That is watching a destiny unfold. 44:26 Not just in my life but in our life, in our kids lives. 44:32 I have got to say something. 44:35 When we did this show together and during one of the brakes 44:38 I remember talking to you about a situation 44:43 that happened to you and you had talked about, 44:45 I don't remember exactly what it was, 44:48 you talked about a girl that had come up to you 44:51 and when you realized for the first time. 44:53 It's happened many times since. 44:58 One of the things that I see that we as men have lost 45:01 is the ability to be safe for women to be around us. 45:05 I believe that we need to be heroic 45:08 in our relationships with women, not cool. 45:10 What we do is we spend all our time trying to be cool 45:12 instead of being heroic. 45:14 One of my goals in life is that 45:16 no matter what woman comes up to me she can feel safe. 45:20 If I'm left alone in a room with a girl for a couple of hours 45:24 she would know 100% she is safe. 45:26 And when she stands next to me 45:28 and if she turns around and bends over to get something 45:30 she knows I'm not going to be looking at her rear. 45:33 Right, because you are a man of God. 45:36 We tend to look at women 45:38 as an interesting collection of body parts after a while 45:42 if we get into porn and those things. 45:44 But we need to see them as fellow heirs 45:46 to the kingdom of grace our sisters, in absolute purity. 45:50 We need to see them that way. 45:51 That's a transformation. 45:53 There was a thing that you said that absolutely got me. 45:56 Is for the first time you realized "I'm saved". 46:01 And when you said that to me when we were talking 46:03 you started to cry and there was some healing that happened to me 46:08 that when I first came into the church, and I came in 46:11 hoping that there would be people that were safe 46:13 and I didn't find a lot. 46:14 I don't want to say that in a bad way but I didn't find a lot 46:18 and all of a sudden I realized 46:19 that God was working on men today in the church 46:22 and trying to bring them to a place of integrity and safety 46:26 for the other folks in the church. 46:28 You are our leaders. 46:29 It did make me cry and it still does because it's my dream. 46:35 It's the thing that God longs for us to be 46:38 and it's important for you to know, as a woman, 46:41 that it's not just you that He's working in, 46:44 He's also working in the men. 46:46 His goal is for all of us to be walking normally 46:50 the way He created us. 46:51 At the beginning of the show Curly, 46:53 I told I was going to talk about how we met. 46:56 I met Curly in front of a Chinese restaurant 47:00 with a number of kids in recovery 47:03 from Miracle Meadows School. 47:05 A couple of the kids were from adult prostitution, 47:08 one was a gang member. 47:11 We all walked out and ran into Curly and his wife. 47:14 I just had to say "Oh, excuse me, 47:17 do you have any kind of addictions to pain?" 47:22 I remember just like it was yesterday. 47:25 A lot of people are like "Wow! How many tattoos do you have?" 47:30 I'm like "These aren't tattoos these are birth marks." 47:35 But I get that a lot and I don't know if it's an addiction, 47:42 I haven't really got into it that much. 47:45 You're telling me "I bet you're addicted to pain." 47:48 At that point I've never thought about it like that. 47:51 I was saying to the kids "A lot of people tattoo and pierce 47:56 because of an addiction to pain." 47:57 When I said that you looked at me like 47:59 "I don't think I'm addicted to anything." 48:01 And all the kids looked like "He's totally in denial." 48:05 I guess that's the first sign, isn't it? 48:08 So Curly, do you have a question for Fred? 48:11 It's not a question but really a comment. 48:14 You said that "God this is one more promise." 48:19 And I believe that our God is a God of one more promises 48:23 because if you don't have that Satan will use that against you 48:26 to keep you exactly where you're at. 48:27 So our God is a God of one more promise 48:29 that you can make to Him no matter what you have done 48:32 and I believe that you hit the nail on the head with that. 48:36 I agree that He is a God of one more promise 48:38 but sometimes we don't know how we see it at the time. 48:43 He is a God of renewal, restoration, reclamation. 48:47 That is His game, His only game, that's what He loves. 48:50 For me, even though I couldn't see it at the time, 48:54 He was giving me many opportunities. 48:57 He was chasing me harder than I was chasing Him. 49:00 I guess all I can say is that for anyone out there 49:03 that would be struggling at all with God 49:07 in wondering if He still loves you, 49:09 I just want to say one thing. 49:11 He never stops loving you and He will be after you 49:15 with all of His heart for all of His days. 49:17 What He really wants 49:19 is to have you step up shoulder to shoulder with Him 49:22 and fight this battle with Him. 49:25 He is not afraid of your defeats. 49:27 If you make that decision and you trip up 49:30 He's not afraid of your defeats. 49:32 He is willing to engage those defeats with you, 49:35 learn what triggered things and move into strength with you. 49:39 I guess what I would say is that 49:41 "Yes, He's always been one right there for me." 49:44 In fact never been in any battle with anyone 49:47 that's more dependable than the Lord. 49:49 When you say that I know from myself I wasn't smart enough 49:53 to even know what direction you're going to. 49:55 It's a yoke up with me because I'll lead you. 49:57 I didn't know what a covenant with the eyes meant. 50:01 But God showed me. 50:03 As soon as I made the decision to say 50:05 "Look, Lord I'm on your side on this." 50:07 He doesn't have any trouble communicating. 50:10 Brenda, we have a few more minutes of this segment 50:13 so I would like to ask you: as Fred was starting to come out 50:19 with all these kind of addictions, how was that for you 50:28 and what kind of encouragement did you give him? 50:32 I had an awful lot of learning to do because, as I said, 50:36 my background was a very sheltered Christian home 50:41 and I knew very little about male sexuality. 50:43 I had no idea where the roots 50:44 of these kind of problems come from. 50:46 I didn't know the differences between men and women very well. 50:49 I had a ton of learning to do 50:51 so that I could look at his situation with an understanding 50:57 and truthful way of seeing it. 50:59 Instead of a frying pan. 51:02 Right! 51:06 Because at first I'm sure it was just a hard reaction 51:09 but then you said "I have to educate myself". 51:12 When you find out such differences 51:14 between men and women, it makes an awful lot of difference 51:17 to learn that's not all about me. 51:19 Most women first think that "Oh, my word. I'm not good enough. 51:23 I'm not attractive enough." 51:26 And your self esteem is just way down hill. 51:29 Those are lies, it's not true. 51:33 You have to be able to restore your own heart with the Lord 51:37 and how He views you, how He loves you 51:39 and separate it from what your husband has been doing. 51:43 It's something separate, it's not your fault. 51:45 There's just still a lot to learn. 51:48 Fred, as she was learning lessons 51:51 and as you were learning as a couple how to survive. 51:54 Talk a few minutes on that. 51:57 One thing I would say about Brenda is that 52:01 even though she didn't know very much about this situation 52:05 she is a godly woman that chases after God's heart. 52:08 And so, when she first started to learn the differences 52:13 between men and women and our visual nature... 52:17 I remember one time I was talking to her about that 52:21 after sermon where a speaker had mentioned that men are visual 52:25 and that women need to respond to that, 52:27 I remember that night when we got home 52:30 we were talking about it and she said 52:32 "I suppose I have to prance around the room 52:35 with some cheap teddy on, like a saloon girl." 52:40 I said "No, actually just a bare shoulder once in a while 52:43 would be enough." 52:45 Because we don't think about it. Yes. 52:48 But that's exactly what I'm talking about. 52:51 She visualizes that as something different than what we need 52:54 and she just needed to learn 52:56 and I needed to learn how she was seeing things. 52:59 We're going to come back to that. 53:01 I want to say "Thank you!" for being on this show 53:03 and you have been amazing in my own recovery. 53:05 I pray in your recovery. 53:08 You've heard what they've said, that God doesn't care what it is 53:11 and I love that God doesn't care what it is, 53:14 He doesn't care where you are stuck. 53:16 He doesn't care where it's started. 53:17 He just says "Your are my children 53:19 and I want to restore you, not only you as a man of God 53:22 but you as a husband and wife, and you as a family." 53:25 I can't wait to meet your children 53:26 because they have benefited tremendously. 53:30 It's a great blessing form God and it fills my heart. 53:37 I want to say stay tuned because we'll be right back. 53:42 Amazing stories of real people and real situations. 53:48 Discussing issues that really matter. 53:53 The complete series of Celebrating Life in Recovery 53:55 is now available on DVD 53:56 and can be ordered by calling 3ABN 53:58 or online at 3abn.org hosted by Cheri Peters. 54:03 These series follows principles of the book Steps to Christ. 54:06 See for yourself how God changed the lives of the convicted, 54:09 of the accused and victims of terrible crimes. 54:12 You'll won't want to miss a moment 54:14 of these powerful interviews. 54:20 I was asked to speak to a group of people in a recovery setting. 54:25 So we had folks there, we had people from the community 54:30 still strung out on meth there. 54:32 There were all kind of different folks 54:35 but in the front row were these bikers 54:38 and it caught me off guard. 54:41 My heart stopped and I thought 54:43 that I had a little bit of fear come up. 54:46 God said, "You know what? 54:47 Everybody is here to find Christ 54:49 and you go on with what you're doing." 54:52 I really felt comfortable with that 54:54 and I started talking about the testimony. 54:56 I got to the story about the bikers that I told you earlier. 54:59 We were talking about getting beat up 55:02 and the girl being killed. 55:04 All of the sudden one of the guys in the front row, 55:07 a big guy, started crying. 55:10 I stopped, I couldn't help it because he was trying not to cry 55:13 and I said "Are you all right?" 55:16 And he's like "No." 55:18 I said "Is there anything I can do?" 55:20 He's like "Could you answer me a question?" 55:22 I said "What?" 55:24 He said "Was it me?" 55:26 And I'm like "No, it wasn't you." 55:27 He thought "Was it me that was the one 55:30 that hurt you like that?" 55:32 I said "No". 55:33 I really realized that minute that God was healing him. 55:38 At the same time He was healing me. 55:40 It wasn't that He wanted to heal me because I was the victim 55:43 He wants to heal everybody at the table. 55:46 Everybody involved with this sin He wants to heal. 55:49 For many of us, when we honestly come to God 55:52 we have no illusion that there's any good in me. 55:55 I personally welcome death. 55:56 Some say we have hit rock bottom, nowhere else to go 56:00 and God says "I am crazy about you." 56:04 I remember as I sat in the drugs house trying to kill myself 56:06 God showed up, told me that He loved me, 56:08 He wanted to pull me out of all this muck, this pit. 56:13 He also told me that I was beautiful to Him. 56:16 I love that! 56:17 Even though I had never seen any value in myself 56:20 I was a creation of His 56:22 and He wanted to show me who I really am. 56:25 He created me to be lovely, 56:27 He created me to have a sound mind. 56:31 I cried and I asked Him into my life. Please do the same. 56:34 With all your junk, with all your lust, 56:35 without all your short comings, with all your insecurity. 56:38 Don't hide anything. 56:40 God knows all that, don't be ashamed, don't hide anything. 56:42 He doesn't want to condemn us. 56:44 He wants to heal you. 56:45 He wants to fill you with laughter, with hope, with joy. 56:49 I want to say it to anybody listening 56:52 that you've got to hear what was said on this show. 56:56 That God says "Every single thing that you do, 56:58 every single thing that you've struggled with, 57:00 every single thing that you hide, every single thing, 57:03 all the skeletons in your closet. 57:05 I've talked about all this. 57:06 we all have skeletons in our closets. 57:08 Bring the out, teach them to dance, let God heal them. 57:11 I really believe that with everything in me, 57:14 that He wants to heal. 57:15 And all of our junks is ugly, I know mine was ugly, I know that. 57:21 When I think about the bikers that were involved that weekend, 57:26 of the death. 57:27 Even Fred and Brenda, the things they've gone through 57:30 and the addictions that Fred had to look at. 57:33 All that stuff is ugly and God says, "I am a God of creation. 57:38 I created you in a way that is healthy, 57:41 in a way that will fill you with joy, 57:44 and I want to restore in you all that. 57:47 Next time on Celebrating life in Recovery 57:50 we're going to talk to Fred and Brenda Stoeker again. 57:53 But this time we're going to talk to Brenda 57:56 about what she went through, 57:58 and Fred about how to stay healthy, 58:01 how to walk through that, 58:02 what kind of things do I need to learn from God, 58:05 and what is repentance. 58:08 It is a gift. When you get that 58:11 you've gotten the secret of recovery. 58:14 So always remember that God is crazy about you, 58:16 and you know what, so am I. 58:20 See you next time. Bye bye! |
Revised 2014-12-17