Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Kevin and Tara Hart
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000019
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00:11 Welcome to Celebrating Life In Recovery,
00:12 I'm Cheri your host and today were going to look at five 00:15 things about early recovery, especially if you get this 00:18 your recovery will be a blast. 00:20 If you get this you can teach someone else. 00:22 Come join us! 00:50 In an earlier show we talked about a guy named Tim. 00:53 And Tim, a sales man, comes home late at night only 00:56 because he did not want to spend the night in another 00:59 city, and in another hotel. 01:00 He drives home gets in his car accident on the way. 01:02 His car flips, he's on the side of the road thinking 01:05 he's okay, thinking I'm fine, nothing is wrong. 01:09 He realizes when he tries to move that he cannot move. 01:13 He can't do anything so he lays there. 01:15 Now he is coming in and out of consciousness. 01:17 An older couple was driving across the state and their 01:21 headlights happened to hit the metal on his car. 01:23 So they come back and stop. 01:25 They see the car had just happened to see this guy 01:28 laying there, and they walked up and when they looked 01:31 at him, he knew that he was seriously hurt. 01:34 The color drained from their face and they knew this 01:37 guy was dying and they ended up getting him to the 01:40 hospital as quick as they could. 01:41 He was almost dead, he was bleeding to death on the 01:44 side of the road. 01:45 His leg was broken in a number places and it was so 01:47 swollen they couldn't even cast him up. 01:49 His head was cut open they had to do stitches 01:52 and shave his head. 01:53 His healing process, I love this, his healing process 01:57 took time, he ended up going home from the hospital 02:01 with his wife and with all the care of the doctors 02:04 they ended up when the swelling went down they could 02:07 put the cast on. 02:08 He said he didn't know for was harder for him limping 02:11 all over the place, or when he looked in the mirror 02:14 and had this goofy haircut. 02:16 Had this normal haircut on one side and then shaved 02:18 on the other side. 02:20 Time went by and the cast came off, he strengthen the 02:24 muscles in his leg, and the limp went away. 02:27 Of course he got his hair cut and had a normal haircut. 02:29 After a while the only thing that shows on him 02:33 is a few scars, right? 02:34 He said the scars were hardly noticeable. 02:37 As I was reading this, I read it in a book called, 02:40 'The Search For Significance' by Robert McGee. 02:43 An incredible book, but as I'm reading that 02:46 I'm thinking about my own recovery. 02:47 I'm a heroine addict, strung out on the bed in a drug 02:52 house trying to kill myself when I meet God. 02:54 I had no idea how damaged I was, even physically. 02:57 The first time I met the person that helped me 03:01 in recovery, her name was Donna. 03:03 An incredible Adventist woman, she was just amazing. 03:06 A thousand years old, a vegan vegetarian and I'm 03:08 withdrawing from heroine and looking for anything. 03:11 She would let me stay at her house and I was looking 03:13 for coffee, tea, do you have any chocolate? 03:16 Do you have any heroine somewhere in a drawer? 03:19 I was just withdrawing and this woman's husband was a 03:22 dentist and I had been beaten by some motorcycle gang 03:25 and had some teeth knocked out the front of my mouth. 03:28 So I needed some teeth. 03:29 As he is looking at my teeth he realizes that my face 03:32 is rotted, right? So he has to literally cut into my 03:35 face and scraped my jawbone to get the infection out 03:39 of my face before he could deal with the teeth 03:41 I didn't have and hope that I could hold the teeth 03:43 that I will have. 03:45 The whole time I'm thinking God, you are so cool and 03:48 this is so amazing that You work with folks like this. 03:51 So this recovered was one step at a time, just like 03:54 the guy in the accident one step at a time. 03:57 Most of my stuff was emotional recovery. 04:00 I didn't have to wait for cast go off, but I 04:03 definitely had no idea how to interact with folks. 04:06 I had no idea, the first time I got invited to sit 04:09 with somebody at potluck at a church. 04:12 I was so scared. My palms were sweating 04:14 I sat down and they were talking about normal stuff. 04:18 My heart started beating because I knew the conversation 04:21 was coming to me and I thought I do not know how to talk. 04:24 And you look so normal, I can't do this and it kept 04:29 coming to me and I'm thinking oh don't, don't come to me. 04:32 I wanted to push the conversation away but 04:35 it came to me. 04:36 The only thing I could think of to say, hi my first 04:39 suicide attempt was when I was eight. 04:41 Nobody was even talking suicide, but that was the only 04:45 thing I can think of to say. 04:46 So in my recovery I even had to learn to talk, 04:49 to socialize, not to just bleed all of the place. 04:52 I don't mean physically bleed, I mean emotionally 04:55 bleed because it was just where I was at. 04:57 That took years, and so we are going to talk about 05:01 some things in recovery that you just need to know. 05:05 You need to know in order to just do it. 05:10 And if you don't get this, it is really tough to get 05:14 the rest and so pay attention, write it down. 05:17 As I'm introducing the guest grab a paper and a pencil 05:21 or a pen and write some of this stuff down because 05:24 it is good stuff. 05:25 We have a number of the people at the café today. 05:27 We have Tara and Kevin and we are going to hear your 05:30 whole story today and I love that. 05:31 We have some folks that are just coming in because 05:34 we grabbed them off the streets. 05:36 As we go on the show hopefully you'll see they're smiling 05:41 faces and I want to say I'm so glad you're here. 05:45 I want to just talk about the five things that you need 05:49 in recovery, and some people try to skip stages. 05:53 One of the things you need in recovery is honesty. 05:56 Honesty is important because we can't even apply any of 06:01 our healing to ourselves until I know I need healing. 06:05 Have you ever met someone, raise your hand if you know 06:08 I'm telling the truth, have you ever met somebody so 06:12 angry and have this range disorder, out to lunch and 06:15 you will ask them if they have any issues? 06:17 They're like no, why do you ask? 06:19 And they're mad at you because you asked, they don't even 06:22 think they have anger so until a person understands that 06:25 they have anger issues, they won't even get any help. 06:28 So until I understand I need help, I don't even reach 06:31 for help, so it's not honesty is I need to learn how to 06:35 be honest which for me was a big thing. 06:39 I lied my head off, I don't know if anybody does that. 06:42 On the street you play everybody. 06:45 I was homeless for 10 years so I played everybody. 06:48 When I came into the church I figured out who you wanted 06:51 to sit next to you, and I was that person. 06:54 I would lie or what ever to convince you I was 06:56 that person because I didn't know who I was, 06:59 do you know what I mean? 07:01 I'm not talking about that kind of honesty, I'm talking 07:03 about honesty in my own self. 07:06 What do I need to deal with? What are my issues? 07:08 I had manipulation, relationships issues, 07:11 addiction issues, I didn't know how to allow anyone 07:15 to even touch me. 07:17 Somebody would sweep by an accidentally touch me and 07:19 I would think what's up? What do you want? 07:21 It could have been a male or female because it didn't 07:24 matter, I was homeless by 13 years old so I had been 07:27 abused in many ways by both sexes so it didn't matter 07:29 I couldn't even be touched. 07:30 I had to honestly look at some of that stuff. 07:33 Some people's issues are lighter than that, 07:36 do you know what I mean? 07:37 When I say lighter, some people's issues are being 07:41 perfectionists, or they are hypochondriac. 07:45 Do you know anybody like that? 07:46 Everything is wrong with them all the time and 07:48 they don't even know that. 07:50 In an earlier show you saw one of my good friends, 07:54 Misty, Misty was ragging about her step parents, 07:58 and not step parents but her in-laws. 08:00 And they weren't treating her right by her issue was 08:05 she was so insecure and she had so much stuff 08:07 that no matter what someone did around her 08:09 it could hurt her feelings. 08:11 Finally I said Misty this is your stuff, this is not 08:15 their stuff and she looked at me like what? 08:17 What are you talking about? She was almost mad at me. 08:21 She was almost mad at me. Did I tell you what they said to me? 08:24 I'm thinking Hon, it's your stuff and it really 08:27 affects you so deeply that you cannot let it go. 08:31 It has to be something from your past. 08:33 So honestly being able to look at that is a huge deal. 08:36 I met another woman, she is married to a Vietnam vet. 08:40 On the first season we covered their story. 08:43 A Vietnam vet, with rage disorder, murdered someone when 08:45 he was 17, this guy was crazy. 08:48 I love him so, if you're watching the show 08:51 you know I love you. 08:52 By love him and he is just nuts, he went through this 08:56 whole rage thing and she would say something to him and 08:59 he could go off on a rage for three or four months. 09:02 She said I just have to leave him. 09:04 I would bring them over to my house, stay at my house 09:07 for awhile because we really do need to get some 09:09 serious one to one counseling and stuff. 09:12 So they came over to my house and I find out that she 09:16 is so codependent that she really enables his rage. 09:19 So I said to her at one point, I said his problem is 09:23 maybe 30% of the issue, you are 70% of the problem. 09:26 If she had a knife I think I would have been stabbed. 09:29 She was so mad at me that she started screaming. 09:31 You know I didn't come over here for you to tell me that, 09:34 I didn't come over here for you to say it's my fault. 09:37 I tried everything. I try to do the right thing. 09:40 I try to be right, there is nothing, nothing I haven't 09:43 done to make his life better. 09:45 When he gets angry I try to smile and just 09:47 be a good Christian wife. 09:48 She is going on and on and on as saying Hon, slow down. 09:52 We find out after talking that she's tried everything 09:56 since she was two years old, she's try to make it right 09:59 that she was two years old. 10:00 She had tried everything with her family, she tried 10:02 everything with her children, she tried everything with 10:04 her husband, but she never learned to be herself and she 10:06 never learned to be real. 10:08 So honesty is about being able to look at who am I? 10:11 Who am I? What are the issues? 10:14 What does my dysfunction look like? 10:16 For 14 years I prayed for my husband. 10:18 I married this guy that was normal, right? 10:20 I'm from this crazy background and he was a Boy Scout 10:23 until he was 18 years old, Eagle Scout. 10:26 His father was an ambassador for the United States, 10:29 but he has issues, right? 10:31 But the whole time I married I'm telling God to fix him. 10:34 Finally God says, fix yourself. 10:36 Soon as I got that and honestly look back some of my 10:39 real issues about intimacy and relationships 10:43 he got fixed right away, I was so in his way. 10:46 Okay so honesty is the first thing, the next thing, 10:49 once you can honestly look at yourself and start to 10:52 bring some of the junk to the surface. 10:55 Some of the junk, molest issues, depression, anger, 10:58 insecurities, not being able to love our be loved, 11:02 trusting someone, all those things that are so core. 11:05 The next thing is finding an affirming relationship. 11:08 I mean an affirming. 11:11 I want someone to set next to me and say you know 11:13 Cheri, I absolutely love you. 11:14 I absolutely love you, you are so cool, you are a good 11:18 friend, but you know when you lie like that it makes me 11:22 mad because I just don't feel like I can connect. 11:24 I don't know what to say because I know you are lying. 11:26 Do you know what I mean? 11:27 I can turn around to that friend and say 11:29 what do you mean lying? 11:30 If she is a good friend, she will not back down, right? 11:34 Because she is going to affirm whom I am, 11:37 but be honest about my junk. 11:39 If I'm spending too much, anybody is spend-a-holic? 11:45 When you get stressed go out to the mall. 11:47 Oh you guys come on, anybody raise your hand. 11:50 And I love that because I look cute but my bills at the 11:54 end of the month are horrible if you know what I mean. 11:57 Those are addictions so I need someone that loves me 12:00 that says you know what, every time you get stressed 12:04 you get a new wardrobe but then you complain 12:06 about being broke, right? 12:09 There is a book that I loved, one of my favorite books 12:11 early on in recovery called,' Caring Enough To Confront' 12:14 do I care about the person standing next to me 12:17 to confront them? Not to confront them by grabbing 12:20 them by the collar and saying hey buddy 12:22 what's wrong with you? 12:24 But confronting them as a friend, you are my brother 12:27 or sister in Christ, my brother and sister in recovery, 12:30 I don't want to see you relapse, I don't want to see 12:32 you dysfunctional so deal with your stuff. 12:36 With my husband, I wanted chaos, I'm an addict, 12:40 I want chaos and I want some noise in my house. 12:44 I'm a very abnormal person so I have to pretty much 12:48 trip him walking down the hall to get a reaction. 12:51 And I am willing to do that, but there were times that 12:55 I would be so ahh and he would say Cheri I think that 12:59 your stuff. Oh shut up! 13:02 I would want to grant him and say I don't want to hear 13:05 that, I'm PMS-ing I want some chaos and I don't care 13:08 if it's my stuff. But he would so honestly 13:11 say, it's your stuff. I love you. 13:12 I'm just so do not know where to go with that when you 13:16 go there, and after a year or two, 13:18 he might even say five. 13:20 But after a year or two I finally got it. 13:22 He cared enough to confront me on my stuff and not go there 13:27 with me, not interact and all that stuff with me. 13:29 That is such a cool thing. 13:31 Sometimes if you don't have a personal relationship 13:34 you can grab somebody is a friend that can 13:36 just hang out with you. 13:37 AA is an incredible place, I didn't do recovery there 13:41 but the incredible thing about AA is that you get an 13:44 accountability partner, you get a sponsor. 13:47 Someone that actually you can call anytime, and if you 13:50 call them and you are whining about something and 13:53 it is not healthy, that person tells you. 13:56 It's such a gift, so getting an affirming relationship 13:59 where someone can honestly tell you where you are at, 14:02 and where you are not at. 14:03 I had a person were finally had to say you know what? 14:06 I'm starting to see your phone number on my cell phone, 14:09 and I don't want to answer the phone. 14:11 She was like, why not? Because you are always negative. 14:16 Your always whining, you know. 14:18 I think she wanted to cuss me out actually, but it was 14:22 the truth and everybody looks at their cell and doesn't 14:25 answer the phone for her anymore, doesn't want to talk 14:28 with her anymore, but somebody has to love her enough to 14:31 say, you are always whining, what's up with that? 14:35 If she is honest with herself, going back to that first 14:38 step she can look at that and turn it over to God and 14:41 ask for some wisdom with that and move on. 14:44 Or even ask her friend, how can we get together 14:47 and not have me whine? 14:49 I have a friend that says that she can call me anytime 14:52 she wants to day or night, I don't care what time. 14:55 I will talk with her as long as she wants to talk as 14:57 long as it is not negative. 14:59 I have another friend that I would talk to as long 15:02 as she wants as long, as she's not gossiping 15:05 about someone else, because gossip trashes us. 15:08 Raise your hand if you know what I'm saying, it trashes 15:11 us and we don't even think that it trashes us. 15:14 And she is the funniest gossip ever, she is fun. 15:18 She'll say Cheri, guess what? I so want to say what 15:21 because she is so fun and when she rags on somebody, 15:25 oh Man she has a great sense of humor. 15:27 She gets every single detail just right but it's funny. 15:31 We laugh our head off, we can laugh about one person 15:34 stuff for an hour. 15:36 But one time when I left there, I just felt ugly. 15:39 Do you know what I mean? I felt like this is not good 15:43 for me and I had to break the friendship off for awhile 15:47 before I could go back to her and tell her you cannot talk 15:50 about anybody around me because it is not good for me. 15:54 And I didn't want to tell her, you're not allowed to 15:57 gossip anymore, but when you and I are together in this 16:01 friendship, please it's just ugly. 16:03 So it is that honesty in an affirming relationship with 16:06 someone and it is not always easy to do that. 16:09 Sometimes we just walk away from people rather than tell 16:11 them the truth about themselves. 16:13 Don't walk away, tell them the truth, or listen to some 16:17 body that tells you the truth. 16:18 Ask people, be honest with me. Not when you are PMS-ing. 16:22 But be honest with me and tell me what you see? 16:26 What is up? That is incredible. 16:29 Affirming relationships can be one to one friendships. 16:32 They can be groups, a lot of people go to AA and 16:35 celebrate recovery, and they go to church groups. 16:38 Anywhere they can get someone to be honest with them. 16:41 Anywhere, so just find that. 16:43 So the other one is right- thinking, many of us have no 16:46 idea how twisted we are, absolutely no idea. 16:50 I thought I was thinking right, and even today there are 16:54 things that come up I wish I could tell you. 16:56 I can't even tell you one of them because it's so bad. 16:59 But my daughter is 10 years old and she wants to play a 17:02 game and we are supposed to say something bad about each 17:06 other, you are so ugly you look like a guppy head fish. 17:10 So she is a little kid and she is saying that. 17:12 You wouldn't believe what I told her you looked like. 17:15 She said you win. I'm not playing with you anymore. 17:19 I mean it was something awful, it was wrong, so wrong. 17:23 So right-thinking, the only way we are going to find 17:26 right-thinking is if we actually get into the Word of 17:29 God and some people when they first come to church the 17:31 Word of God sounds crazy to them. 17:34 Get into the Word of God because it will teach you how 17:37 to think right, it will teach you especially Proverbs, 17:41 any of those where it says don't lie, think about this 17:44 and all that stuff, there are all kinds of places where 17:48 it will teach you what is right and wrong. 17:49 I didn't know, the 10 Commandments, when I learned the 17:52 10 Commandments I was thinking oh man, I think 17:55 I broke all those today. 17:57 It was just like I would look at those kind of things 18:00 about lying and stealing or whatever and I couldn't let 18:04 the offering plate go by in church, it will go by packed 18:07 with money, I need that money. 18:09 I couldn't let go by and I'm thinking maybe it's in the back 18:13 and I can sneak in there while the guys are doing the 18:16 sermon and the pastor would say something funny 18:19 that could be a little off colored and 18:21 I would start busting up. 18:22 I would try not to laugh and then I would look at 18:24 everybody real serious with their Bible, and they would 18:27 not be laughing, and I would laugh harder. 18:29 Like I would think am I ever going to get through this? 18:31 I have gotten through this, not 100%, 18:35 if you asked my daughter, my husband they will say no 18:36 don't lie because I am working on that. 18:39 It is like God will teach you to untwist and that is 18:43 just the right-thinking. 18:44 The last one, there are two more I want to talk about. 18:47 I'm going to talk about them at the end of the show. 18:50 But right now we're going to break for the 18:51 interview, it is incredible, recovery is incredible. 18:55 It is so nice to stand up and know that I am who God 18:58 created me to be, all the twisted stuff that is 19:01 obvious to me now when it comes up and I actually 19:04 get to laugh out loud. 19:06 What is really funny, is that I love who I am. 19:09 I don't mean to sound in a vain way about that, 19:12 I just love who I am, I love who my husband is, I love 19:15 who my child is, I love who my friends are and I can start to 19:19 really appreciate other people. 19:20 I can appreciate their gifts and what they offer. 19:22 I can now appreciate myself and what I can offer. 19:25 I definitely appreciate God and what He offers. 19:27 Stay with us, we will be right back! 19:34 Think you've seen it all? Think again. 19:37 Cheri Peters is back for a second season of 19:41 Celebrating Life In Recovery with more lives 19:44 more stories and more miracles. 19:47 Watch the shocking, inspiring, and the incredible. 19:51 Check your local listings to find out when 19:54 Celebrating Life In Recovery comes to you and get 19:57 ready for another dose of reality, Cheri style. 20:16 You know we are talking about different things, 20:18 Hebrews 4:12-13 says. 20:35 The first time I saw that I was thinking oh man. 20:37 Don't be judging my heart right now. 20:39 What was cool about that is that as I got to know God 20:42 as I got to know who He is, who I am, what this whole 20:46 thing is about I realized when God judges our hearts, 20:50 when God looks at all that stuff is not in the 20:52 same way we judge each other. 20:54 It is a way that the more He can reveal about us, 20:57 the more I can step into recovery, so He loves me. 20:59 When He brings something to the surface, He is bringing 21:02 it to the surface like Hon, don't be afraid of this. 21:05 Trust Me because when we get rid of this you will be 21:07 able to be a little bit lighter. 21:09 Your shoulders are going to come down, 21:11 you are going to be able to laugh with people more 21:12 honestly those kind of things. 21:14 When God says I knew everything about you, 21:16 don't be afraid because He is the safest person ever. 21:21 Universe, Cosmos, all universes and all that stuff. 21:26 So I'm going to introduce you to the guests, 21:27 Tara and Kevin, thank you so much for coming on the show. 21:30 Thanks for having us. 21:32 Kevin you are a camera guy here, so you work on 21:37 Celebrating Life In Recovery - yeah. 21:39 - Your favorite show obviously. - oh totally! 21:42 I don't know if that's true or not. 21:46 He's got to say it because I'm here. 21:49 - no, it is my favorite show actually. 21:52 He definitely likes it because he comes home 21:54 and tells me all the stories and I'm like, wow! 21:57 So the first time we met was here while I was filming 22:00 something and I heard your testimony. 22:02 I felt like your testimony so clearly showed how God 22:06 leads us and the stuff we get into and how He takes us 22:10 into recovery so I begged you to please come and tell everyone. 22:15 He said yes and I want to thank you for that. 22:17 Tell them what you told me. 22:20 Well I grew up in an Adventist home with my mom, my dad, 22:26 and my brother, and my parents divorced 22:29 when I was about eight. 22:30 My dad was remarried within six months after that. 22:33 My mom got remarried six months after that so within one 22:37 year my parents are split up and both 22:40 remarried to separate people. 22:42 But my mom married a wonderful guy, 22:44 Jim and he is my stepfather today. 22:46 My dad however was married four times so there was never 22:50 any stability in any of his relationships, in an out of 22:54 stepmothers and that kind of thing. 22:56 That was really hard, step brothers, and different 22:58 stepsisters so it was really hard. 23:02 Growing up in that I became kind of rebellious, my dad 23:06 wasn't really around. 23:08 So I was with my mom and I didn't like her at the moment 23:11 I would run away to my dad's house. 23:13 If I was with my dad I would run away from him and moved in 23:17 with my mom again, so I did that frequently until one 23:22 I got into high school. 23:23 Eventually I ran away for good, I stayed with other 23:25 families, there was like two different families. 23:28 - when you finally ran away for good old were you? 23:30 How is a junior in high school, actually I was probably 23:34 my senior year, probably 17, 18. 23:38 So I ran away and lived with the family for my senior 23:42 year and then when I did get into college I would stay 23:46 with a different family, it was pretty hard moving around. 23:53 I think a lot of people don't realize that all of a 23:57 sudden, especially Christian homes, I see this all the time 23:59 where everything is stable, everything is perfect, and 24:02 you are in church and all that and then your whole world 24:05 changes and for a child nothing is real any more. 24:09 Nothing to be trusted, nobody's going to actually be 24:13 there for me anymore, really. 24:14 So they are acting now, not that you knew and of that, 24:18 the acting out I see all the time. 24:20 It is like all of a sudden everybody is crazy, 24:21 the kids are crazy they think okay. 24:24 I was really rebellious and did not want to be 24:26 controlled by anybody, my parents. 24:28 I didn't want to be told what to do. 24:30 So that caused me a lot of trouble, it did because when 24:35 I got into college. - did you get into drugs or alcohol 24:40 or any of that kind of stuff? 24:42 When I got into college I got into alcohol and smoking 24:45 the legal stuff called the stuff we are allowed to do 24:48 but it is not really good for us anyway. 24:50 I got into that but my main thing was that I got into a 24:53 lot of relationships, a lot of different relationships, 24:56 different guys, jumping around, getting intimate with 24:59 a lot of them. 25:01 And that really burned me. - trying to fill that up 25:05 I was just so empty and when I was 21 I got pregnant 25:09 with my first child and I had a daughter. 25:11 But it was while because I was 21 and I thought hey I'm 25:15 doing good because there is some people they get pregnant 25:19 at 13, or 12 and I was 21 so I'm doing so much better. 25:24 And I wasn't really seeing that I was really deep in sin. 25:28 I was so far from God and doing my own thing. 25:30 So I got pregnant and had my daughter and I thought to 25:35 myself, if I'm going to have this child I need to take 25:39 care of her and I need to go back to school. 25:41 So I went back to school and did nursing and I graduated. 25:45 After I graduated, she was about 18 months old, we moved 25:49 to Maryland where my dad was because I wanted to rekindle 25:53 a relationship with him. 25:55 So we move down there, and at the time he was single. 25:59 - so where you still in your relationship addictions were 26:03 you still doing all that stuff? 26:04 Well actually I couldn't because nursing was so intense. 26:08 So I couldn't at that point in my life I did need a man 26:12 anyway, too much for me anyway. 26:15 But one I'm moved to Maryland and got my first job it came 26:19 back, I started dating around in the hospital and there 26:23 was there was one guy I dated that was married and 26:25 I didn't care, I didn't care. 26:27 Fooling around with them outside in the parking lot, 26:31 in the car, that kind of thing. 26:33 There was a guy that I dated that was twice my age. 26:37 I just what to say Tara, because sometimes when somebody 26:43 says that there will be a feeling that someone is going 26:49 to judge you, right? - absolutely. 26:51 Absolutely so it is hard to say, but I want to say out 26:54 loud, because I've been through that, I was that girl 26:59 and worse and I want to say that it is so sad for me now 27:03 when I look at behaviors like that. 27:04 I know that that person is so lost, so lost, trying to 27:08 find love anywhere and I think in God's eyes, God is 27:12 never judging, God is just saying Hon find it in Me, 27:15 find it in Me. 27:17 But you were out of control still? - right! 27:20 And what is really sad is with people not staying and it 27:24 happened over and over and over so the search and the 27:27 desperation for a relationship gets more and more intense. 27:30 Right, the only thing that was getting me through this 27:33 interview is knowing that I might be helping 27:35 somebody come to Christ. 27:37 Going through all that, and Kevin works here 3ABN so I. 27:42 - You don't what to say all this. 27:45 No surprises here. 27:47 Absolutely there is someone out there that is going 27:51 through what I went through, they can know that they can 27:54 find peace in Christ. 27:56 - and God loves you, absolutely. And I love you. 28:00 So that is why a lot of people do not realize that some 28:05 of the stuff is hard to say. 28:06 One time when I asked God, I said what do I cover when 28:10 I cover interviews on my story? 28:12 God said if you're not going to cover it all, don't cover 28:14 any, and I thought why is that? 28:16 Because I don't want to tell anybody all the stuff I did. 28:18 He said, it's like the demoniac in the Bible, the guy 28:21 foaming at the mouth, filled with a thousand demons, 28:23 angry and cutting on himself and beating people up. 28:26 If he would have went back to town after Jesus said go 28:29 tell them what happened, tell them what I did for you. 28:31 If he went back to town and said you know I had a little 28:34 problem with anger, get out, he was a mess. 28:38 God had to intervene for this guy to survive or he would 28:42 have killed and injured more people. 28:44 So you were a mess, obviously a mess and emotionally 28:47 and empty trying to find some thing that was going to 28:51 stay with you, somebody that stay with you. 28:54 And it wasn't happening, but the funny thing is that I 28:59 grew up in the church so I should have known how I could 29:04 have turned to God. - did you just say that? 29:07 Let me just say one thing, the divorce you were how old? 29:12 I was eight. - 8 years old you should have been able to 29:16 process all that kind of stuff, the abandonment stuff. 29:19 If you watched a film about a little girl eight years old 29:22 going through all that, you would cry for her, yet for 29:26 ourselves we demand that we somehow we figure it out and 29:29 don't mess up, I should have known, I had all this truth. 29:32 You know what? Truth means nothing when you are in 29:35 emotional pain and have been trashed. 29:36 So one thing I want you to get clear is that you don't 29:39 know anything at eight other than my whole world has 29:42 changed and nothing is real anymore. 29:46 Four marriages with your dad, so your dad obviously didn't 29:49 have a lot of time for you. 29:51 So the men in your life were not there and all that 29:53 stuff, I didn't mean shut up you know I didn't. 29:56 You know I love you. Right absolutely! 29:59 I should've known growing up in the church that 30:02 I should've gone to Christ, I should've gone to God to 30:06 help heal that, all that pain that I was feeling but 30:09 being at that point I didn't know. 30:11 I should have known, but I didn't know. 30:13 Your parents should have known and stayed together. 30:19 No I'm sorry, somebody should have known. 30:22 So you are in the hospital, you've had your first child, 30:26 you're in a relationship with a married guy, did that 30:30 last? - no, no it didn't last. 30:34 I don't know if you fell in love during that time or 30:37 you thought you had fallen in love. 30:39 I did, Lucy was about 2 and 1/2 and I met a guy. 30:42 I was working in hospital and he was a correctional 30:46 officer, one of my patients was an inmate. 30:49 So I met him that way and he asked me out on a date 30:53 and I felt woo hoo. 30:55 You scared me I thought you fell in love with the inmate 30:56 and I was oh no that's terrible. 30:59 No he was a correctional officer, and I really did, 31:03 I fell in love with him and he had asked me out. 31:07 I went out with this guy and within the first month 31:11 I got pregnant again, so here I am. 31:14 I'm still single, I'm not married and I have nobody 31:17 who has any kind of commitment to me. 31:19 This guy could have walked, which he did eventually. 31:23 But I had a 2 and 1/2 year old and I was pregnant. 31:28 This relationship just wasn't turning out the way 31:32 I thought it was going to be. 31:33 He said that he loved me and wanted to marry me and all 31:36 those good things I wanted to hear, right? 31:38 I wanted that hole to be filled so I wanted somebody 31:42 to love me and he was saying all those things. 31:44 So I thought it was going to happen and we were going 31:47 to get married, but he wanted to take me to Vegas to get 31:50 married, which I found out later the reason why. 31:52 So anyway I wanted to break up with him because I thought 31:56 he is not following through with anything he is saying. 31:59 It is hurting me, and my mom met him and she was saying 32:02 you really need to work things out with this guy because 32:05 you are pregnant and you have a little one and your 32:08 by yourself, you really need to work it out. 32:11 So I thought, okay we'll give him a chance. 32:13 I had an ultrasound planned, I was five months pregnant 32:16 at this point and I told him I have an ultrasound planned 32:20 would you want to go with me? 32:21 He said yeah absolutely I'll go with you. 32:23 Well at this time, and on this day and he was supposed 32:28 to meet me at my house and he didn't show up. 32:30 - did you wait? I was waiting, I was waiting for him. 32:33 You know, before I left I was thinking I have to cut this 32:37 off because it was hurting me too much. 32:38 So I called his cell phone and left this message. 32:41 I said you don't care about me and you don't care about 32:45 the baby, a so just leave us alone. 32:47 At that point my life was a mess because I was hurting. 32:51 I really loved this guy and I was pregnant again. 32:55 So I reached out to the Lord, like Lord I know I am 32:58 making a mess of my life and I don't know what 33:00 I'm supposed to do, what should I do, 33:02 tell me what I should do? 33:04 Talk to me, I really need to hear Your voice and tell me 33:07 what I should do this time. 33:08 Within two days of praying that prayer I came home from work 33:13 and there was a message on my answering machine. 33:15 It was a woman's voice whom I had never heard before. 33:18 She said that she was looking for Tara because she was 33:21 pregnant with her husband's child. - oh stop! 33:24 At this point I don't remember anything else that happened 33:28 on the message because at that point I was hysterical. 33:32 But the Lord answered my prayer. 33:35 That goes back to the honesty thing, God got you to a 33:39 place where you can finally look at your life and say man, 33:41 what am I doing? 33:43 The fact that he was married, I can hardly believe that 33:46 when you said that I'm thinking, oh stop, just stop! 33:49 So what happened with that? 33:51 Did you totally turn it over to God? 33:54 Did you just beg Him, don't even let me do 33:56 anything myself anymore? 33:58 At that point I broke it off, of course he told his wife 34:04 that I was a crazy girl and it only happened one time. 34:09 He said a whole bunch of things about me. 34:11 - she's stalking me. -and that's exactly what he said and 34:13 it was funny because I had met her. 34:16 She had come up to meet me she said you know you're not 34:19 even his type, he doesn't like white girls. 34:22 He was Hispanic and made me feel pretty good, because if 34:26 he's not going to like white girl at least he liked me. 34:30 Right? - right! 34:32 After that I broke up with him and here I am still with 34:37 a 2 and 1/2 year old daughter, five months pregnant and 34:40 I got evicted from my apartment because at that point 34:44 I was having financial problems and I got evicted. 34:48 My dad had got remarried for the fourth time and his wife 34:55 didn't want me living there with children. 34:57 I bumped up with a friend, well not really even a friend. 35:02 She was more of an acquaintance from work. 35:04 I stayed there for a couple of weeks and finally the Lord 35:09 was impressing me you need to go home to your mom. 35:13 Were you praying? During that couple of weeks were you 35:16 just saying what's going on? - yeah. 35:18 My life is totally a mess and I didn't know what to do. 35:21 I think Lord will can I do? What shall I do? 35:24 I wanted to stay at my job because I felt like I was 35:27 doing good, so I didn't want to quit. 35:29 - somewhere I'm doing the right thing. 35:31 I didn't want to quit and I thought if I quit then 35:35 I would be a quitter all my life, but the Lord was 35:38 really impressing me to go home. 35:40 That was where my security was with my mom and my 35:43 stepfather and I did. 35:45 I moved back home and I had my son Garrett in May. 35:49 For some crazy reason after I had him I felt that 35:53 I needed to inform the father that he was born. 35:57 So I called him and said I had the baby, and then it started 36:02 all over, I love you, I'm going to come see the baby. 36:06 I'm so vulnerable at this point. 36:08 I'm single and I had two kids now, but I wanted him 36:13 back, I'm so crazy. 36:15 The guy was married and I knew it and all the things 36:18 he said about me and yet he told me he loved me so 36:21 I wanted to have him back. 36:23 Let me just bring a break-in because the lot of people 36:25 will say why do women go back? 36:27 Why do we continuously get abused? 36:29 The only person I can say that it's somebody that 36:32 doesn't realize how empty and alone and abandoned 36:35 child feels and that is the only person that can say 36:38 why did you want him back. 36:39 Because for me I couldn't believe the different people 36:42 I had in my life, and as long as you said I love you, 36:44 you could do anything, you could abuse me in anyway 36:47 because I so needed to be loved. 36:49 I didn't know what love felt like because I had never met 36:52 God and so right now you are saying, I just need to be 36:55 loved and I'm scared, I'm alone and I had these babies. 36:59 He did, he told me everything that I wanted to hear. 37:03 He promised he was going to come up and visit. 37:06 Here we go again I'm waiting, he is coming to see me and the baby 37:14 and he didn't show up. 37:15 Okay so I forgave him again, well you know something 37:20 happened and he would find really elaborate things to tell 37:23 me come like why he couldn't come. 37:25 Why he didn't show up, so okay I forgave him again. 37:31 Two months after that, in July when he was 37:34 supposed to come up again to a girlfriend's wedding with me. 37:37 You know he just did not show up again. 37:40 It was again and my mom finally said, Tara you need to 37:44 dust your feet and walk on. 37:45 And that was the Lord, I feel that the Lord uses people 37:49 to like to say things to us, that was the Lord saying 37:52 that through my mom. 37:54 When you go back to affirm a relationship should have to 37:56 have somebody around you to be honest and say you know 37:58 you are acting like nut, don't do it. 38:01 Don't wait for him, this guy is not a good guy. 38:04 As much as that hurts somebody that has put all their 38:08 hopes on a relationship, is you have to somehow shake 38:11 them, I love you, dust your feet. 38:14 She told me Tara, he doesn't love you. 38:16 When she said that I was like Man, you know he doesn't. 38:19 If he did he would be here. 38:21 So okay I go on with my life, my son is three months old 38:25 and I go back to work. 38:26 I think Garret was maybe 7 or 9 months around that time period. 38:33 And the guy calls me at work. - no! 38:35 Just out of the blue. - somebody has to shoot this guy. 38:39 No I'm sorry, is that recovery? Alright I'm sorry. 38:43 So he calls me at work and he was like Hi Tara, and 38:47 I knew right off the bat who it was. 38:50 He said do you know who this is, and I said yeah. 38:52 He goes who? I go Hector. 38:55 He said yes, how are you? 38:57 And I'm thinking shut up, are you kidding? 39:00 - what did you say, you probably said fine. 39:02 No, I actually said at this point what do you want? 39:07 What do you want, so he wanted to see how I was doing. 39:11 He wanted to see how the baby was and it was ironic that 39:14 he knew I worked there, he had called my home first. 39:17 At that point I had gotten my own apartment and my mom 39:21 was home watching the kids and she talked to him. 39:23 So he had went through her first, and she said you haven't 39:26 sent a dime Dah, Dah, and these children, blah, blah, blah. 39:29 She put him through the ringer, - everything that moms 39:32 are supposed to say. 39:33 - absolutely and he still calls me at work, for what 39:36 reason I don't know. 39:38 Anyway he was going to come up again and at this point 39:42 I knew he wasn't going to come, so when he called to 39:45 tell me I'm not coming, or you know my mom is in the 39:48 hospital, that was the excuse this time, my 39:50 mom was in the hospital. 39:52 I said, you know I don't want you in my life, 39:55 and Garret doesn't want you in his life, we don't need you. 39:58 But what I really should have said was you need Jesus 40:00 because he needed something. 40:04 I don't know what he was looking for, but I wasn't at 40:08 that point, I was at the point where 40:09 you're not going to hurt me. 40:11 - what I would like to find out is when did you get to 40:13 that point? Because I'm done with Hector. 40:15 I am so done with that guy, so when did you get to that 40:21 point, when did you finally say God I need some insight. 40:27 I need some change, I cannot do this? 40:30 When did you get back to church, any of that. 40:34 Well I was, when I moved back to Massachusetts I was 40:37 going back to church. - with your mom? 40:38 With my family yes, my mom and my stepfather. 40:40 I think the first time I reached out to the Lord was when 40:44 he didn't show up for the ultrasound, like the first time. 40:48 Then after I had Garret the first few times he was going 40:52 to come up and then he gave me a time where the Lord was 40:57 really working it out for me. 40:59 You know time heals, so that time being away from him, 41:03 it started to heal me. 41:06 So the third time when he called me I knew at that point, 41:10 I knew he is not going to be anything that I need him to 41:14 be or want him to be. 41:16 It was really changing for me, but the Lord really was 41:21 working it out for me. 41:22 When I was at work too, it was the devil tempting me 41:26 or the Lord testing me because I had guys asking me out 41:30 from work, and at that point I said hey I'm a single mom 41:33 and I've got two kids and I need to be selective this time. 41:36 Okay Tara get your act together, you need a guy, 41:39 you need a man to bring Christ into your life. 41:43 - so I'm looking for a Christian man, somebody that 41:48 actually has it together more than the people 41:51 I have been choosing? 41:52 Exactly, and there was a doctor at the hospital. 41:55 He didn't wear a ring or anything and he said to me one 41:59 day we should really go out for a drink. 42:02 I didn't drink but I thought to myself, I'm trying to 42:05 make excuses, so I thought maybe I should go out with him 42:08 and find out who he is. 42:10 I felt like the Lord impressed me to ask him 42:15 if he was married? 42:16 Now why would a married man ask someone out? 42:20 So I said to him, are you married? 42:22 Said, ahh yeah. I said what? I can't go out with you. 42:26 He was like oh no, no, no, just friends. 42:29 It was like I was an idiot, so for the first time I was 42:34 able to stand up for myself. - good thought! - yeah. 42:39 - it's about time. 42:41 But then he says to me, oh no just friends so I felt 42:44 like an idiot, but I was like no I'm not going to get 42:48 played again, I'm not. 42:49 You know we talk about as God steps us, it is really 42:53 so subtle but God steps us to give us skills and you 42:57 really needed to learn how to say no to somebody. 43:01 Even though you wanted to be loved. 43:04 I want a man in my life, I want my kids to have a father. 43:07 All that kind of stuff but this guy, as good as he looked, 43:10 it was the devil in disguise, he was Hector's interview. 43:14 Yeah exactly. At this point I was done. 43:19 I was done with the bad guys and I was done messing 43:22 around and I decided that I was going to keep going 43:24 to church for my children and for myself. 43:27 I needed that relationship with the Lord and I dedicated 43:31 myself at that point to my children and to bring them up 43:35 in our faith so I kept going to church. 43:38 I was hoping that the Lord was going to send somebody 43:42 to me, but I didn't know. 43:44 But I just kept going and hoping and trusting that He 43:47 would bring somebody to me. 43:49 So one Sabbath I was sitting in the back row with the kids 43:53 because sometimes they get a little rowdy and 43:55 I can slip out the back door. 43:57 So I was sitting there in the service had started. 44:00 In comes a latecomer into the back door and so. 44:03 - is that you late again? 44:05 I'm always on time. 44:06 I turned around and I saw him and we had gone to AUC 44:10 together, Atlantic Union College, up in Massachusetts. 44:14 We knew of each other - so that was years ago? 44:18 - It was like five years earlier. 44:19 Yeah it was five years earlier. 44:21 We weren't friends, we just knew of each other. 44:25 I thought to myself, hey I know him. 44:28 I always thought she was cute, because I remember 44:30 she was in my English class. 44:33 So I remember that part. 44:35 So after the service he came over to talk to me and 44:40 I went and talked to him and I felt like it was the Holy 44:43 Spirit because I didn't know him and his name rolled off 44:47 my tongue, oh you are Kevin right? 44:48 He knew my name, he said oh, you are Tara right? 44:51 - that's too funny, so even though he was late you really 44:55 were right on time? - perfect timing. 44:57 God's timing, it was awesome. 45:00 So you guys obviously fell in love? 45:03 Well I didn't know if it was going to happen because at that 45:07 point, we start talking and I said to myself I like him. 45:10 I like talking to him, he seems like he has his head on 45:13 his shoulders and he came to church so that's a good 45:16 point, but all of a sudden he bolted and said, 45:19 I got to go and he goes out the door. 45:21 I thought all man nothings going to happen. 45:23 So the next week I was having trouble with my three-year- 45:27 old, you know they say terrible twos, it's not really 45:30 twos it's threes because at that point they are talking, 45:33 they know what they want, and they want to be independent 45:36 and not do what you say. 45:38 I was having trouble with this child and I was on the bed 45:42 and pleading with the Lord and I was crying because I had 45:46 been a single mom for almost 4 years, and I said 45:49 Lord I want to be a good mom, can you send somebody into 45:53 my life to help me with this child? 45:55 Can you send somebody that's going to love me and love 45:57 them and that will help bring Christ into our lives, 46:01 can You send somebody? 46:02 I'm crying to read Child guidance you know. 46:06 - sent me some help will You? 46:08 I'm saying I can't do that, I don't know what to do. 46:12 Can You just explain it or write it out 46:14 ABC, you need to do this. 46:16 That book is awesome but it was generalized. 46:20 But I said I need instruction. 46:23 I need to know what I have to do with this child. 46:25 That day, since I didn't go to church. 46:28 - it's actually an interesting story. 46:31 The week before she said I kind of bolted in the middle 46:34 the conversation, I had been done looking for 46:36 relationships at that point. 46:37 I have been with a girl, a great girl for five years. 46:41 We just couldn't work out certain issues in our 46:43 relationship, so we ended that and that was a five year 46:46 relationship, it is a long time. 46:48 It had been quite a while after that, and of course I got 46:51 to the point again where wanted to be with someone but 46:54 I got so tired of the whole looking for the right woman 46:56 thing, it was sickening me. 46:58 I said you know God, every time I look I end up with the 47:01 wrong woman, every time I don't look people are telling me 47:04 you need to go out and look so I finally left it to God. 47:06 If You're going to bring somebody into my life, 47:08 it's going to be all You. 47:09 So when we were in the middle of a conversation it 47:11 occurred to me that once again it was the same looking. 47:15 So I chopped conversation off, and said I you know what? 47:18 I'll leave now because if you're going to work it out Lord, 47:21 it will be all You. 47:22 So that is why I cut the conversation off, it was like 47:24 was nice seeing you bye and I took off. 47:26 - that is too funny. 47:28 I wanted it to be the Lord, I did want it to be of my 47:30 making, so any way a week later on Sabbath, 47:33 I have usually gone to New York on occasions on the 47:37 weekend because my family is in New York. 47:39 So I was driving my BMW to New York but I decided 47:43 to leave real early in the morning 47:45 so I can get to New York on time. 47:46 I couldn't pack early on Friday night so I was going 47:49 to get there on time to make it to church 47:50 all the way into New York. 47:51 So I'm cruising and almost ready to get on the highway 47:54 and I get pulled over by this cop. 47:55 Now I have gone to Southern College in Tennessee for a 47:57 while and I still have my Tennessee license. 47:59 Of course I had for so long that you can barely read the 48:02 numbers on it, so after the cop finally figured out the 48:05 numbers on the license plate he ran it and apparently 48:07 my license had expired like the year before. 48:09 Oops, and the other problem was apparently my BMW 48:13 inspection sticker was bad which I well knew. 48:16 But I was driving it anyway and apparently the 48:19 registration for the car had expired also. 48:22 And apparently I had some other tickets up in Vermont. 48:26 - apparently you must've just escaped from prison and 48:29 they are looking for me. 48:30 It's like man, you have a lot of apparentley's. 48:33 So this whole thing comes crashing down and the cop 48:35 basically ended up on the side of the highway, right 48:37 before you get on the highway with my luggage and they 48:40 towed the car and impounded the car and I'm sitting along 48:42 the side of the highway. - praise the Lord! 48:44 God was working this whole thing out and I was angry. 48:46 I thought this Sabbath is going to be absolutely ruined. 48:49 But the cop let me use his phone so I called my friend 48:52 Ross, and he picked me up and brought me back home. 48:55 When he was dropping me off I thought I'm not going to 48:57 let this run my Sabbath, I'm not going to ruin the 48:59 Lord's day so I said just drop me off at church and I'll 49:02 let the Lord figure out how I get home. 49:03 So I go to church and I sit down next to this lady I kind of 49:06 recognize and I wasn't really sure who she was. 49:08 Turn out it was Tara's mom. 49:09 So we are sitting in service and church is over and I'm 49:13 trying to figure out how I'm going to get home. 49:14 So I felt impressed to ask her. 49:16 She said you know who I am right? 49:18 I said no don't remember you. 49:20 She said on the financial aid director at AUC and it 49:23 all came back, but I still didn't know was Tara's mom. 49:26 So said would you be able to give me a ride back to my 49:29 apartment today? I didn't want to explain what happened. 49:32 I was like I was just dropped off at church. 49:35 - police just towed my car and my license. 49:38 So she dropped me off and on the way home she says you 49:43 know that I'm Tara's mom right? 49:45 I said oh wow, I didn't know you were Tara's mom. 49:48 Yeah you should call her. - she said that? 49:50 She said yeah you should call her. 49:52 Oh that is too funny. 49:53 And I'm thinking here we go again someone is going to 49:55 try to push relationship and I was like okay. 49:57 So she gave me her number, or she said her number was 49:59 in the phone book. 50:01 So I look it up and said I'm not going to call her. 50:04 But God keeps impressing me that whole day to give her 50:07 a call, and so was like at the same exact time she was 50:10 pleading for God to send someone into her life. 50:13 Of course the phone rings and it's me on the other end. 50:15 We start talking -while you were going through Child guidance? 50:18 Oh I love God, people don't think that He's that 50:22 personal, I tell them that He's that personal. 50:26 He wants to help us in every part. 50:28 So now with the answer to your prayer, but He actually 50:32 wanted to have a woman of God and to have a relationship 50:35 that is God centered so He answers everybody's prayer. 50:38 Not that that wasn't obvious, but I had to say it. 50:41 It wasn't my ideal to date a girl that had children because 50:45 I had that opportunity before and it seemed complicated. 50:48 I don't mean to be harsh, but you have children of every 50:53 color? Yeah. - so what's funny is when you see that. 50:57 We have a well rounded family. It represents the whole world. 51:01 For someone that would actually kick in a judgment thing? 51:04 So you really had to look at a lot of stuff. 51:07 Yeah, but that didn't bother me, the different 51:10 backgrounds didn't bother me at all. 51:12 It was the simple fact that she had kids and 51:14 I know that was kind of complicated but 51:17 I have been working for five years at a place 51:19 called Perkins in Massachusetts. 51:21 I was doing behavioral management with kids from 51:24 grade school all with high school, so like for five 51:27 years I have been managing kids with behavioral problems, 51:29 acting out. I will put them in holds and all this. 51:31 - No way. So I was burnt out. 51:33 I was totally burned out, but when I look back, God had 51:37 actually been preparing me for the trouble she was having 51:40 with her children, not that I'm going to rough them up or 51:43 nothing but that wasn't where God was leading me. 51:46 Growing up my father lacked very much in discipline, 51:50 looking back on my life I realize that some of the things 51:52 I struggle with today are because my dad didn't discipline 51:55 me enough, most sons or daughters say that but only when 51:58 they get older in life. 51:59 Discipline as far as setting boundaries. 52:02 Got really prepared me for life with her, though I was 52:06 ready to be a disciplinarian father, a loving father. 52:10 So God really led and so we ended up going for a walk 52:13 that day in the woods, I had actually brought her to a 52:15 state park and did not realize it was hunting season. 52:18 We're in the middle of the park and was walking in the 52:21 snow and I turn around and looked on a tree and it said 52:25 hunting during the dah, dah, dah. 52:27 I thought oh not going to mention that. 52:29 Figure out being in the forest with kids during a 52:32 hunting season going on. 52:33 It was awesome because God loved me so much that He fulfilled 52:37 everything that I needed, but it was when I gave 52:42 everything to Him and I said I'm not going to do it my 52:45 way anymore I need You to find somebody and 52:47 sent him to me. 52:49 And at that point He gave me everything I wanted. 52:51 - first step to recover is that I can't do it. 52:53 I'm out of control, I need a God that loves me and can 52:57 change things, that is so cool. 52:58 So you guys actually grew spiritually and in love? 53:03 That was one of the first things we started doing when we 53:07 dated, we started going through 'The Desire of Ages'. 53:10 Actually being brought up in an Adventist home. 53:14 - for people that don't know The Desire of Ages is a book 53:17 about Christ that leads you through the life of Christ. 53:19 It leads you right to the Bible to tell you how incredible 53:22 God is, how much He loves you, what forgiveness is about. 53:24 What justification by faith is about. 53:27 How He wants to grow us and change us and our thinking. 53:30 It covers all of that. 53:32 My car was in the impound lot so she had to pick me up from work 53:35 and make me dinner at night. - you didn't have a car. 53:38 Right, it was good. Oh yeah it was great. 53:39 This was the first time I had read this book though. 53:43 - so it's a romantic story. - it is. 53:45 It's about how God loves us and then it brought us to 53:48 love each other and it was awesome. 53:52 God really worked it out and now we have a beautiful child 53:55 of our own too, he is one year old. - he's adorable. 53:58 We love our kids to death. 54:00 And I have met all your kids and each one is so 54:04 incredible and God has blessed. 54:07 We have one minute to end this interview. 54:11 The show is about recovery and we have covered that 54:14 through the different steps of recovery and being honest, 54:16 looking at yourself, and turning it over to God. 54:19 But this show is also about the Holy Spirit, has the 54:21 Holy Spirit been a part of your journey at all? 54:23 Absolutely, absolutely, our lives became a mess every time 54:26 we didn't rely on the Lord. 54:27 We all struggle with that, we are born in sin so our 54:30 hearts are constantly have a tendency to fall away from 54:32 God and if we don't put the Holy Spirit first in our lives 54:35 our families start having issues. - kids act out. 54:38 Without the Holy Spirit we can't work those issues out. 54:40 Without the Holy Spirit were nothing here 54:42 I want to say thank you so much for joining us. 54:44 I'm crazy about you guys, it is way fun. 54:48 I thank God for the way He works with us in recovery. 54:51 All of the things that we have to learn about ourselves, 54:55 we think it's just the guys, even with Tara the guys are 54:59 a problem, but it was her own lack, her own abandonment 55:04 issues, going from person to person and God saying let 55:08 Me love you, let Me fill you up so much that when 55:11 you get a partner it's going to add to you and not 55:15 because you have a lack. 55:16 We saw Him do that in her testimony and her life and with 55:19 her kids, so if you have any of those issues, know that there 55:23 are steps to go in recovery, but the most important step 55:26 is to trust God. 55:28 He knows exactly who you are and has known who you are 55:30 from the womb and He loves you. 55:32 We'll be right back stay tuned! 55:38 Cheri Peters uses the book, 'Coming Of The Comforter' 55:41 as a guide for the second season of Celebrating Life In 55:45 Recovery, written by Lee Roy E. Froom is a 320 page book 55:48 that offers every sinner the knowledge that the 55:50 Holy Spirit is available to all. 55:53 3ABN now offers this book to you for a suggested donation 55:56 of only $13 postpaid within the US. 56:00 Call 3ABN at 618-627-4651 or go online to 3ABN.org. 56:21 I love testimonies, what I love about them is you can see 56:25 so clearly how God takes us and all of our damage, and 56:29 all of our junk even when we think we are doing the right 56:33 thing and He will work as long as He has to just to show 56:37 us how it has been injuring us. 56:39 Then He just gently shows us the right way to act. 56:41 I love that and I'm going to read some Scripture. 56:44 Can I use your Bible real quick? 56:46 The scripture for this season is in Psalms. 56:48 I'm going to read Psalms 51:7 and Psalms 51:7 says, 56:52 "Purify me with Hyssop and clean me up, and I shall 56:57 "be clean, wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. " 57:02 I love that because we are such a mess and trashed He says 57:06 He will clean you up. "Make me hear joy and gladness and 57:09 "be satisfied, let these bones that were once broken, 57:13 "let them be healed. " Let them dance. 57:16 I love that stuff and God says I will so come into your 57:19 life and bring healing that you won't even know it. 57:22 So we talked about being honest with our stuff. 57:25 Finding good relationships, get yourself in a group 57:28 in a church and have a friend. 57:30 Use the Bible for instruction, the Holy Spirit for 57:33 teaching and the Holy Spirit will show you things 57:36 that you will say I don't even want to see that. 57:39 Don't be afraid of what you see because God wouldn't show 57:42 you anything that it is not going to benefit you. 57:46 The other thing that Tara talked about is time, all this 57:50 takes time, time for Tim to heal, if there is broken 57:53 stuff it is going to take time for you to heal with your 57:56 broken relationships and spiritual stuff and emotional 57:59 stuff, it takes time. 58:00 You know what, it is amazing, it's absolutely amazing. 58:04 Until next week always remember that God is crazy about 58:07 you, and you know what? 58:08 Remember that we are too because if we don't support each 58:11 other in that way, then we will not get it in recovery. 58:14 See you next time and God bless. |
Revised 2014-12-17