Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Cheri Elledge, Joleen Neighboro, Misti Brockin
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000046B
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00:13 Welcome back!
00:14 I want to introduce you to some other folks who were 00:17 all the same program and when that wasn't. 00:19 We are going to talk a little bit about healing and 00:24 is it hard or not hard, like you talked with Misti. 00:26 You could see there are times that she dealt with her 00:29 father and those wounds that she got from her father, 00:32 were God Himself just said I have to show you this 00:35 because you are so stuck there. 00:36 This is so hurting every relationship and I want 00:39 to heal you to move beyond that. 00:40 You could see the pain of that, even talking about 00:43 it up here you can see the pain in that, but you could 00:47 also see the joy when God said okay you are done. 00:49 You're done, so if anybody is wondering if it is worth 00:52 the pain of having to look at some of that stuff, 00:56 I say absolutely yes. 00:58 And I say that even during times that I felt crazy, 01:01 having to look at rejection, having to look at 01:02 all that kind of stuff. 01:04 If you don't have to, God bless you, but if you do 01:06 don't be afraid because God is there and real 01:08 present, He is real faithful and Man healing is good. 01:12 It's really good. 01:14 Okay I want to introduce you to Cheri E., Cheri E. 01:16 was here on the last program we talked about some 01:19 of your own father wounds. 01:22 Cheri E. we talked about your past and how the Holy 01:25 Spirit kind of brought you out of that. 01:26 So remind us a little bit of that and then talk 01:29 about what you are doing today because you are in 01:30 ministry today which is fun. 01:32 Yeah I love it, and well my story was that Misti 01:36 was on this new kick of finding your healing and stuff 01:39 and I thought I knew what all my problems were. 01:41 So when I went to the Lord and asked Him, show me 01:44 where my damage is, He showed me something that 01:49 I didn't expect either. 01:50 It was really good to go back there and to see and 01:54 ask the Lord, He showed me that I was a little girl, 01:57 a precious little girl, that like she said could 02:01 dance for her daddy and stuff and I never had that. 02:03 He showed me that that was how He saw me still, 02:05 and it had just lifted all the things I had done 02:08 all my whole life try and fill that hole. 02:11 You know the sex, the drugs, the alcohol, everything, 02:14 He did not blame me for all that because I was still 02:18 that little precious little girl to Him. 02:20 You was trying to get somebody to love you. 02:22 Yes anything for somebody to love me. 02:23 Cheri: You know all we talk about these kind of 02:25 things what's really interesting to me is, 02:27 that it may sound a little crazy to people 02:30 who haven't experienced that. 02:32 One time God gives me this image, my family 02:35 are addicts, dysfunctional and He gave me an 02:38 image of myself 3 years old walking through all 02:40 this dysfunction and everybody so wrapped up in 02:43 their own pain, their own addiction's that 02:46 no one could even say to this child hi, 02:49 hi come over and sit by me. 02:51 I remember Him showing me that and He said to me 02:54 through the Holy Spirit, does she look normal, 02:56 yeah she just wants someone to hold her 02:58 and she still does. 03:00 I want to hold her and as soon as He said that, 03:02 I cried, Misti and just said I so want You to hold me. 03:08 It was the first time I think that I would go to God 03:10 with all that hurt and say, I have been waiting my 03:14 whole life to be held. 03:15 In the same with you, I've been waiting my 03:18 whole life to be adored. 03:19 Yes I have been and He just showed me that I was 03:22 innocent because His blood cleansed me. 03:26 It wasn't anything I have done, it was because 03:28 He loved me so much I was totally innocent, 03:30 it wasn't my fault what happened to me in all 03:33 the things that I had done, 03:34 I wasn't held accountable for it, 03:36 He took all of that on. 03:37 And He loves you into health and now at the same time 03:41 finding that incredible healing does that mean 03:44 everything in your life went well after that? 03:46 No not really, I am still a work in progress, 03:49 but what I have learned to do is I have learned 03:51 that when something hits me for triggers me 03:54 I've learned to go to God about. 03:55 For instant's, we have talked about my son Matthew. 03:58 We are from a small town 04:03 and we were going to go to a school 04:05 function at that school. 04:06 I was scared to death because we had kicked him 04:09 out because he was using, and he was just a wreck, 04:12 but he said I'm going to come to this football game. 04:14 I was like oh Lord, I was so nervous because the stress 04:18 out how is he going to come, is he going to be clean, 04:20 is he going to be strung out, is he going to bring dope 04:23 and try to sell it at the school or whatever. 04:25 And he has done almost all that - yes. 04:27 Some people listening know that they have kids like 04:31 that so they know what you are saying. 04:32 I was totally strung out, I wasn't having any joy 04:34 whatsoever so I said I have to stop by have 04:37 to pray and ask God. 04:38 He just showed me that first of all He said Cheri E., 04:42 his problems are not yours, he's 19 years old. 04:45 You did a good job, you don't have to carry 04:49 around the shame of what he is doing, it's him. 04:51 He said besides he is going to have to go lower before 04:54 I can really reached him. 04:56 He showed me him sitting in a prison and I was 05:01 immediately like Lord no, no, I can't deal with that. 05:04 But I am so thankful that He showed me that because 05:07 right now he is sitting in jail and had He not showed 05:11 me that, and had I not gone and seeked the Holy Spirit 05:15 on this, I don't know where I would be right now. 05:18 I would probably be in some depression, there is no telling. 05:23 There was no one to talk to right then - yes - That He 05:25 did it in such a gentle way, you didn't want it to happen 05:27 but anticipated the happening of it. 05:29 Well it was within a week of that, that he was arrested. 05:33 It is just amazing but what it is showing me, that first 05:39 of all God loves him so much, God doesn't 05:41 hold him accountable either. 05:43 You know he has been wounded and damaged and we were the 05:45 best parents we knew how, but we still are not 05:48 perfect parents and so something has hurt him and that 05:53 is what led him to all these things, 05:55 but he will come out of this. 05:56 God is so in control - and so faithful 06:00 yes and He loves him. 06:01 You know to me what I love about you is that God 06:06 has opened up your vision to at risk kids, 06:08 to youth that are in prison. 06:10 You ended up going down to a 06:15 prison and started working with them? 06:16 When we started going through this, my husband said 06:19 we have got to get out and get to where we are not 06:22 thinking about ourselves anymore and to start 06:25 ministering to others. 06:26 We were watching 3ABN one night and there was a 06:30 guy talking about doing a prison ministry and he 06:32 was from the church locally. 06:33 Larry said tomorrow we are going to that church 06:36 and find that guy. 06:37 I was like oh let me be depressed, just let me 06:40 and he said no we are going to do this. 06:42 So we went, we didn't find him but God let us a 06:46 different places and we found another one and we start working 06:49 with boys it's a prison outside Waco Texas. 06:51 They are anywhere from 10 to 19 years old and they 06:55 are in prison and it's a real prison and we just love 06:58 them, because I don't judge them, I see them as just 07:02 - you don't see them as these are horrible people, 07:06 these are someone sons - yes - yeah most of them 07:09 don't even have parents. 07:11 They have been in CPS their whole life - Child 07:13 protective services. 07:14 The boy that I'm in for he is 18 and he is been 07:18 in CPS since he has been 8. 07:20 His dad has been incarcerated since he was born. 07:21 His mother is in a and out of jail, he has two brothers 07:24 that are incarcerated and he has nobody. 07:27 He has not had one visit, he's been in there for 2 07:30 years and not one visitor his whole time there. 07:33 I just sat there and looked at that child, he is a child. 07:37 Society just wants to throw him away and say somebody 07:41 else deal with these kids, but they are just hurt 07:44 little people, they are just broken. 07:46 - because you talk about you and Misti and the 07:49 father wound, that this guy has no father and has 07:54 been wounded over and over by probably many men 07:56 and people in his life. 07:58 Nobody has ever done what they said they would do. 08:01 Nobody has ever been just a loving 08:05 example, he has no idea. 08:06 He tries to read his Bible but he doesn't know what a 08:09 father is, he doesn't know. 08:11 One day I was reading some letters that he had wrote. 08:15 He said he had found his mother, she had wrote him a 08:19 letter and he was going to write her back, 08:21 he was so excited about it. 08:22 He wrote on there that he was the captain of a 08:25 basketball team, that he was all these wonderful things 08:29 about him - not sitting in jail - know she knows 08:32 he's in jail, but it was like how good I'm doing here. 08:34 He is none of those things, he is not on the basketball 08:38 team, because his behavior won't allow him too, he is a 08:41 good athlete, but his behavior won't let him 08:43 because he's so angry. 08:44 So I said, this is not the truth, I can't say his name 08:48 but this is not the truth. 08:50 But he said this is how I see myself, 08:52 what I said this is not it. 08:54 I say what you are trying to do with the few little 08:57 crumbs that your mother is throwing at you, you are 09:00 trying to be somebody that she will take at least that 09:02 away from you. 09:04 He just cried, I just told him it's okay to be somebody 09:10 who has been dumped on, who has been totally abandoned. 09:15 It's okay to be sad, it's okay to be angry, it is okay 09:17 to be who you are. 09:19 Somebody who is desperately searching for love and 09:23 acceptance - to say that truth out loud - yeah. 09:27 It is okay to be that person and I said, I know you for 09:29 who you are and I love you just the way God loves you. 09:33 God loves you and He knows way more about you than I do 09:36 - I bet he just wept - oh he cried, he cried 09:39 because he cannot even imagine that somebody can 09:42 love him in the state he is in. 09:43 That to me is so sad, and if I could say anything to 09:49 anybody it would be that these kids need people down 09:53 there, and they need people to love them. 09:55 Do you know I just thought when you said that? 09:56 Tell me if you hear this, is that I think heaven 10:00 looks down and says that about us. 10:02 If I could say this to anybody, they need someone to 10:06 love them, because we don't know what it is, most of us. 10:08 Even in the healthiest home, sometimes I feel like we 10:12 don't know what it is and God is saying not only those 10:15 damaged kids, but Misti and Cheri E. and Cheri, Joleen, 10:20 we all need someone to just unveil, 10:25 this is what loves looks like. 10:27 It's not hurtful, it's not prideful and it is not 10:30 self-seeking, not all those kind of things that we 10:34 have seen over and over and over generationally. 10:36 God is saying, like what you are trying to do with 10:38 this boy, you're saying let me show you some way out and 10:42 God is saying that to us, let Me show you some way out. 10:45 What is really fun as I am watching God open up Ministry 10:49 opportunities for you, as I'm watching Him grow you as a 10:51 woman of God, you look good. 10:53 Oh thanks I'm very happy, even in my circumstances. 10:57 My son is in jail, but he is doing well. 11:00 When I talked to you on the phone one day, he was 11:02 almost going to jail, you didn't think you was going to 11:04 survive it - yeah I had been on my knees and you just 11:09 can't believe, but I am surviving it. 11:11 That is a miracle because there was a day or would not have. 11:14 I suicide thoughts and all the things. 11:18 The fact that I am standing here - your friends - 11:21 right - yeah, and I believe had I not got that picture 11:26 of myself as a little girl as God sees me, I would not 11:29 be standing here today. 11:30 And it was to see how He adores me and how He loves 11:35 every one of us and even those boys in prison. 11:37 HE LOVES THEM! 11:39 I want to go and tell them about it and they need more 11:43 people to tell them about Him. 11:44 So do we - yeah we do. 11:47 Okay I want to introduce you to Joleen. 11:49 I remember when we first started the series on the first 11:53 program and talked about God is love. 11:55 It is not something that He musters up, it is not 11:58 something He tries to do for us, He is love and He is 12:01 telling us over and over that we are wounded to the very 12:04 core of who we are because someone forgot to love us. 12:07 God is saying that if you open yourself up to Me I will 12:11 bring healing into your life. 12:13 Not by giving up drugs or cigarettes and all those kind 12:15 of things, which all are good, but I will bring healing 12:18 into your life because I love you and you will heal from 12:21 that and all those other things will fall away. 12:22 Joleen you weren't on the previous program with Misti 12:26 and the Girls Night Out and the whole thing and you have heard 12:28 what they said and you guys have been friends for ever. 12:30 I also know that you can relate to all this because of 12:33 your own childhood. 12:34 So tell us a little bit about who you are, and more than 12:37 that, what God has done as far as healing in your life. 12:40 I grew up in a very large home, I had 4 brothers and 3 12:45 sisters and we grew up Catholic which meant I went and 12:48 did my time on Sunday, did the Church aerobics. 12:52 I went from there and God was up there kind of with a hammer. 12:57 I believed in God but I didn't know Him personally, 13:01 I didn't have the relationship. 13:03 It wasn't until years later after I had gotten married, 13:07 as I said my childhood was awful. 13:11 We had a very abusive dad to the point where he would beat 13:16 my mom to the point where they had to admit her to a 13:19 hospital in another state and say she was in a car accident. 13:21 He was extremely emotionally abusive sexually, physically and 13:27 really hard part for us was came if we tried to intervene. 13:33 My four brothers they tried to intervene a lot, 13:36 especially as I got older and. 13:38 She would just beg them please do not do anything 13:42 because it made it worse, it made it worse yes. 13:44 In fact when there were 7 of us kids and my mother 13:50 was pregnant with my little sister Susie, he did not 13:54 want us, we were so rejected almost from day one. 13:57 Just did not want to have us kids, he was embarrassed at 8 13:59 kids and didn't hesitate to say you wanted these 14:03 8 kids, not me. 14:04 Especially for the boys, never affirmed none of that, 14:09 us girls either we never got the nurturing, 14:11 the love, any of that. 14:13 Anyway when mom was pregnant with Susie, my youngest 14:16 sister, he actually one day just wound up and kicked her 14:20 as hard as he could in the stomach, literally trying to 14:22 kill the baby. 14:24 She was like, stop it you are going to hurt it, and he 14:27 was like what do you think I am trying to do? 14:29 It was just such a sad ordeal because he was literally 14:35 schizophrenic and it was very much a love-hate 14:39 relationship, you never knew who was going to walk 14:41 in the door that day. 14:42 What's he going to be dad who could be normal or was it 14:44 going to be this evil monster that was going to destroy 14:47 the house and beat your mom. 14:50 He made you guys watch the beating so it was not just 14:54 that he beat her, he paraded you guys right in. 14:57 He would make us watch, wake us up at two o'clock the 15:01 morning and he would beat her and make us clean the house. 15:05 It is what we are talking about on this program, 15:07 we were talking about father wounds, is that all of 15:09 a sudden being enabled to say, when somebody said that 15:12 God is my father; for a lot of people around the world, 15:16 that is just frightening, it's frightening it's like 15:19 what do you mean, because God can't be my father, 15:21 you don't know my father. 15:22 I really even believe that some people that listened to 15:25 that I've had a dysfunctional childhood sometimes that is 15:28 said so lightly, they don't know what it feels like to 15:31 be a child and yanked out of bed to watch your father 15:33 beat your mother. 15:35 What you are saying is that you had nothing normal. 15:38 You know we had nothing normal, there was zero normalcy. 15:42 I grew up not having the nurturing, not having the love, 15:47 not having any affirmation from your dad at all. 15:50 You grow up and as a girl you are looking for that and 15:55 you yearn in for that and go looking for it in the wrong 15:57 places that are not healthy. 15:58 You are not where God would have you be, you are not 16:00 looking for a healthy mate, you aren't looking to be 16:05 just loved, held. 16:06 To be rescued in taking care of which is not healthy. 16:09 You are not looking to be a partner, someone needs to 16:12 rescue me - yeah please save me. 16:15 We were just in survivor mode for ever, you know it was 16:18 just survive from day to day. 16:19 So my first marriage, I married someone very much like my dad. 16:23 I swore I will never marry anyone like my dad and would 16:28 ask my mom why would you ever marry him? 16:31 She was he wasn't like that when we married and I just 16:33 judged her it for so long. 16:35 Well I grew up and of course I married a guy very much 16:39 like my dad is far as adultery and affairs and all that. 16:43 I turned him into my God, I did know who God was 16:47 and he became my all. 16:49 I was very codependent, and he went out and found other 16:52 goddesses and it was like ah! 16:55 My mom had sent me the footprints prayer, I had never 17:01 heard that before I had never read it. 17:02 For people who have never read it, not that you have to recite 17:07 it but what does it say basically? 17:09 Basically you are walking along the beach in the sand 17:13 and there is two sets of footprints going along. 17:17 During the hardest parts of the person's life, it is 17:22 basically conversation with God and the person and He's saying 17:25 there's two sets of footprints and we go along and 17:29 during the roughest times of my life there is one set. 17:32 Kind of like where were you? 17:33 And God says that's where I carried you, and I read that. 17:38 Something just clicked in me and I was just done. 17:43 I was at work and I got up and shut my office door and 17:47 got on my knees and just said I give, you have to carry 17:50 me, I'm done I can't do this anymore. 17:54 If you're there and you are real, it wasn't some 17:56 scripted prayer, it just was my hearts cry. 18:01 I just said you have to carry me I am so done, 18:04 I have messed this up so bad, help me. 18:07 Was He faithful - He was extremely so. 18:10 Unfortunately we are out of time but I would just, I 18:13 know that He was and I know your life and I wish we 18:16 could just follow it to find out what He did next. 18:18 But we are going to take a little break and then come 18:22 back, but I want you to know that those wounds are 18:25 intense, mother wounds, father wounds, childhood wounds, 18:28 your parents sometimes were wounded horribly and God is 18:32 saying bring those wounds to Me. 18:34 It doesn't have to be scripted like Joleen was saying, 18:36 it wasn't scripted I don't know what I was doing I just 18:38 got my knees and said I'm done. 18:40 And God is faithful and what is really fun is He is 18:43 faithful and all of a sudden one step happens in another 18:47 step happens and you start feeling loved and healthy and 18:51 like you want to laugh out loud. 18:52 You know what I wouldn't share with my life or trade my 18:55 life with anyone because I am happy with who I am. 18:57 I like being in my own skin and I like that. 18:59 We'll be right back, stay with us! |
Revised 2014-12-17