Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Alta Austin
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000047B
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00:13 Welcome back!
00:14 I again wanted to say, that I am proud of God, 00:18 that I am proud of the journey I am on, I hope 00:20 that you feel the same and if you don't e-mail us 00:23 and we will pray for you. 00:25 This journey I think recovery and getting to know who 00:29 God is getting to know who we are and stepping away from 00:31 our junk just, it really is absolutely incredible. 00:35 God is really kind. 00:37 I think that He doesn't show us all our stuff right 00:40 away, it is like He does it in stages I think so we 00:43 just don't jump in front of a train, and I don't want 00:46 to say that, but I think it is for that. 00:48 So we just don't get discouraged. 00:50 I want to introduce you to a friend of mine that is 00:54 going to share her journey with us and I just want you 00:57 to listen up because it is incredible. 00:59 I think Alta, I want to thank you for coming. 01:04 So Alta Austin you're from Grants Pass Oregon, - yes. 01:09 I know that this is not going to be an 01:13 easy trip for you. 01:14 No - so tell us a little bit about that. 01:17 Two days ago, I was in my car driving, and I watch your show 01:23 all the time, my husband and I are just like Cheri is on, 01:26 we need to hurry home. 01:28 We're worse than the soap operas, it's now like Cheri's on 01:30 I love that -We don't watch soap operas, we watch Cheri 01:33 and we run home and it is so neat because we 01:37 really enjoy your show. 01:39 I see all these people that are on your show and they 01:41 all have these unique stories and stuff. 01:43 I know you ask me to come be on your program in Grants Pass 01:48 during your seminar there in January, earlier this year. 01:52 It was so cool and I thought oh wow how fun to go 01:55 and be with Cheri. 01:56 Then as I sitting there going wow - I was just going 01:59 to say when everybody says that it just cracks me up, 02:00 I'm a heroine addict in recovery and I'm thinking you 02:04 know Alta, you should have better role models. 02:07 But I want to thank you for that - it's true. 02:10 It was like we just had so much fun together. 02:13 But I'm standing there and saying Lord, all these people 02:17 have real problems you know and it's real life and what 02:21 do I have two bring to the table? What do I have?. 02:24 The Lord just says, I want you to tell your story. 02:28 I said my story, and He goes yeah. 02:31 He said it will help others, and I said okay, I can do 02:35 that for You, because it is for Him. 02:39 It's for him to bring honor and glory it's not fun for 02:42 me to come and share what I am going to share. 02:44 It is not going to bring any pride to my life. 02:48 Exactly- but what I want to say is that when I met your 02:51 husband and you I saw, which is incredible to when I get to 02:54 travel, what I saw was two people that were in love 02:58 and were really kind of solid in their relationship. 03:02 Then your testimony, or story unfolds and 03:05 I'm thinking you have to tell someone that. 03:06 It's really tough because I feel when I ask 03:11 somebody, it's a personal thing that may not be received 03:14 easily, and the person looks at me like, are you nuts? 03:19 Are you kidding, did you hear what I just told you? 03:22 The reason I say please tell it is because I travel and 03:25 I get to hear a number of peoples stories throughout the, 03:28 you know I travel 2 or 3 times a month now, I'm at different 03:32 states, at different church's, different events, I'm in 03:36 different countries and our stories are the same. 03:39 We struggle with the same things, but I think when God 03:42 steps in our life and gives us victory some where, then 03:46 we just thank you for the victory, and we sit down 03:48 just like I'm never speaking on this again. 03:51 There is a story in the Bible about the demoniac and 03:56 rage, filled with a thousand demons and he was, and 03:59 Christ came and literally healed him, pulled all the 04:02 demons out and this guy was beating people up, 04:04 cutting on himself with stones. 04:06 Christ said to him when he was clean in his right mind, 04:09 please go tell someone because there are people filled 04:13 with demons, filled with rage, with everything, and they 04:15 will find that God is faithful to bring us out of that. 04:19 So what I heard your story I wanted to say Alta please 04:23 tell someone and I'm glad you're here. 04:25 I want to say thank you for coming. 04:27 Well I have to show you two this morning that as I 04:29 was having my devotional time I go through the promises 04:34 on a daily basis in my Bible. 04:36 You know I have them marked and stuff, I just happen 04:39 to be on this page, this morning at 3ABN. 04:43 It was just like yeah a coincidence. 04:46 2 Corinthians 1:4, "he comforts us in our afflictions 04:53 so that we may be able to comfort those who are in 04:56 any kind of affliction through the comfort we 04:59 ourselves received from God. " 05:02 I mean tears just came to my eyes, I just sat there 05:05 and thought God - explain to someone why tears would 05:07 come to your eyes? 05:09 Because of what I have come out of it's not a pretty 05:12 thing and yet God can still use somebody damaged like 05:16 myself to bring comfort, and to be a support and show 05:22 another person the way out. 05:24 I want to, because you forgot the first part of that 05:26 text, He comforted you - yes. 05:29 He held you, He, with all our junk, to me when He held 05:35 me up and said, you are lovely to Me, I felt that 100%. 05:39 I was like basking in that and realized, 05:42 wait I have teeth missing, I'm strung out on heroine, 05:44 there was nothing lovely about me except God said, 05:48 you just don't see it yet. 05:49 You just haven't experienced that yet, but when God 05:52 does that, when He comforts us it is incredible because 05:54 everything in us is broken, yet we feel so together. 05:57 My story goes back to shortly after I was married the 06:03 first time, I'm in my second marriage now, but shortly 06:06 after I was married the first time I felt un-loved. 06:10 Five months into the marriage and already involved with 06:14 somebody else - so how did that happen? 06:18 You know I hear that, how did that happen for you? 06:21 It was somebody I worked with and it just, my husband 06:25 was gone a lot and I just was attracted to this other 06:30 guy and he showed me attention. 06:32 My husband wasn't showing me as much attention as I thought 06:36 I needed and all that, I'm just high maintenance person. 06:39 I'm a high maintenace person. 06:40 So I ended up separating and he actually filed for 06:47 divorce, but we ended up getting back together. 06:49 In the process of that I gave my heart to the Lord. 06:53 I was almost 22 years old and one day I just said Lord, 06:57 I just do want to do this anymore. 07:00 I want to have a life, I had such a miserable existence 07:04 until then and so I just gave my heart to the Lord. 07:07 Thinking that was it, I was through with my past life. 07:09 Unfortunately that kept coming into my life and then 07:15 there was another affair and eventually we ended up 07:19 divorcing and here I am a Christian, I love the Lord and 07:27 I want to do what is right. 07:29 I keep getting drawn down to the same road. 07:31 You know when the Bible says that we are like a dog 07:34 returning to its vomit, in the first time I read that I 07:38 thought that was pretty harsh until I realize we really 07:41 are, until we deal with our stuff we will keep getting 07:45 pulled in the same direction. 07:47 I think that is why God pleads with us, let Me show you 07:50 where that comes from so you can be done with it. 07:54 You know it is so much easier if I came to you and said, 07:56 and I'm not trying to say against somebody that has an 08:02 alcohol problem but it would be much easier for me to 08:04 say that I have an addiction to alcohol. 08:05 But to come and say I have an addiction to men, I've 08:09 committed adultery, that's not pretty. 08:13 Not that the other is either, its people don't 08:17 stereotype you either, like all wow I don't want her 08:22 too close to my husband type thing. 08:24 So anyway my husband and I divorced - I want to joke, 08:27 I left my husband home just in case, no I'm kidding. 08:31 You know we do have that hierarchy of things and we 08:36 don't see, we see the alcoholic is more stumbling 08:40 around in the their pain or past issues and that 08:43 something is wrong, but we don't see that person 08:44 as in relationship addictions in the same way. 08:48 But as we get into your story we are going to find out 08:52 there was damage that fueled that, there were smoldering 08:56 underneath all the stuff. 08:57 Then like I said I got married again, married 09:01 a wonderful Christian man - and knowing that 09:03 I'm done with this now. 09:04 Yeah done with this, I was so in love with him and we 09:06 had been married 9 years and he again was not showing 09:11 the attention that I felt I needed. 09:14 You know he was more than willing to say that he wasn't. 09:17 My husband never threw it up in my face and said, oh 09:21 well she did this, you know he tells people? 09:24 If I had been there for Alta this wouldn't have happened. 09:27 Well it probably would have but it is neat that he 09:31 accepts that part of the situation himself and that 09:35 draws me even closer to him. 09:37 I was involved in the church and there was a man at 09:42 church, again affirmed me, showed attention to me, 09:47 we were best friends, his family and 09:49 my family are best of friends. 09:51 We used to do a lot of things together and one 09:53 thing led to the other and we ended up involved 09:55 in a relationship together. 09:57 I left my husband for a short time, 3 weeks, emotionally 10:03 I had left for a lot longer than that. 10:05 We got back together, he actually had prayer groups at 10:09 our church praying me home. 10:11 I knew it was the power of God, my husband did that, it 10:14 was the power of God bringing me home. 10:16 You would think he would be just furious - oh yeah! 10:18 Because what we are talking about affairs and stepping 10:21 out in those relationships everyone is damaged. 10:24 we're talking about spouse's damaged, church families 10:27 damage, extended families damage. 10:29 I mean it really does when children are involved because 10:32 I don't know if kids, if there's children involved 10:34 through all that get damaged and it immediately pulls 10:39 everybody into some painful areas. 10:44 Oh yeah and the whole church was affected by what I did. 10:47 I went through church discipline and all this kind of 10:50 stuff and I came back but continue to have problems in 10:54 relationships, problems some husband would be talking 10:57 about splitting up, staying together, splitting up and 10:59 staying together, getting counseling, we done that. 11:02 We went through all that and it all had helped, it 11:05 helped, it all had its purpose. 11:06 Can you share with us, and I don't mean to get too 11:08 personal but can you share with us. 11:10 It must of been torture at times, thinking God 11:12 what is wrong with me? 11:14 You know I mean am I converted or not converted. 11:17 Am I ever going to be in a saving relationship. 11:20 I felt like the person that had the big scarlet 11:24 letter sewn on my blouse. 11:26 Am I like an emotional leper, I think that we forget that 11:31 we see the activities but we don't see the times that 11:34 you are just pleading with God, like what is wrong? 11:37 What is wrong? 11:38 My best friend Rosie, it was really neat when I was 11:41 gone with this man from the church, I was gone 3 weeks, 11:45 and she would call me 2 or 3 times a day and you know 11:50 what she told me Cheri? 11:51 She would say Alta I know you love Jesus, 11:54 I know you love Jesus. 11:56 And that's all she'd say I know you love Jesus and you 11:59 will do the right thing, I know you love Jesus. 12:01 She was never condemning me saying come home and 12:04 we'll get your head on straight, or nothing. 12:05 It was always I know you love Jesus and that 12:07 really hit me, I do love Jesus, and I do want 12:10 to do the right thing. 12:11 I do want to serve God as a whole person, not as the 12:16 person that keeps - so needy and so empty - right! 12:19 - Can I just say that it reminds me at one point when I 12:26 thought I would never get well. 12:27 I would never, I would always be so pulled by this junk 12:32 that I had learned. 12:34 I had read in the Bible where Paul made the statement 12:37 like I want to do what is right and I don't. 12:40 It's like every time I'm even trying to do what is 12:44 right I do what's wrong and I'm thinking I'm so 12:46 wretched and he really starts to plead with God and 12:49 said, wretched man that I am who is going to save me? 12:52 And luckily he goes right into this thing well Christ 12:55 you're going to save me, because it's not like I'm even 12:58 doing the right thing, I am stumbling around failing 13:01 miserably and the only hope I have is if You are real. 13:06 What you are saying right now is that your heart said 13:08 God, Jesus I know that I love you. 13:10 I know that my heart is crying to get out of all this 13:13 kind of stuff, but you were so stuck. 13:16 So what happened, I mean. 13:19 Well you know things got better but there was still 13:23 something, but I didn't know that. 13:26 It was watching your program last fall and you had 13:31 Misty Bracken on your show. 13:35 She was telling you about a problem she had, and I want 13:38 you to know we were paying attention, and she was telling 13:42 about this problem she was 13:43 having and she wanted sympathy from you. 13:47 Instead you said, well that sounds like your stuff you 13:52 need to deal with, what is in your past that is causing 13:56 you to react this way? 13:58 And she's going what, like no know you're supposed to be 14:02 on my side here, not telling me go search things out. 14:05 So she said finally through the Holy Spirit, as you 14:09 kept nagging at her, pray and ask the Holy Spirit to 14:11 reveal what it is. 14:12 So I thought immediately I knew, it was like, 14:17 Oh I need to do that. 14:19 I thought I had some, but I thought no there is still 14:23 something and so the next morning I'm like a little kid 14:26 that can't wait, going to a candy store I can't wait 14:28 to get into my devotional time. 14:30 Okay honey go on to work, goodbye! 14:31 I can't wait to get to my devotional time - because I 14:36 wanted that time alone with God. 14:37 I'm sitting there, I'm sitting there and nervous because 14:44 I know it is big, I know it is really big. 14:47 So I said God what is it - and just for somebody that 14:50 might miss what you mean by beg, that whatever is motivating this 14:54 behavior is huge and you had a sense of that. 14:57 You had a sense of that but she did not know what it is, 15:00 I know that I'm going to have to brace myself if I ask 15:02 Him to reveal this to me. 15:03 I have to read you a few verses and I wrote them down to 15:05 save time from looking them up. 15:07 I'm in my time with Him and I said okay Lord, 15:12 and He took me immediately, these verses came to me 15:16 just like bullets do. 15:18 The first one He said was, "and you shall know the 15:22 truth and the truth shall make you free. " John 8:32 15:25 Romans 6:14, "for sin shall not have dominion over you, 15:30 for you are not under the law but under grace and if God 15:35 shall therefore make you free you shall be free indeed. " 15:37 John 8:36, "howbeit when he the spirit of truth has come 15:41 he will guide you into all truth for he shall not speak 15:43 of himself but whatsoever he shall hear that shall he speak 15:47 and he will show you things to come. " 15:48 John 16:13, "I can do all things through Christ 15:52 which strengthens me. " 15:53 Philippians 4:13, "for I will restore health," I love 15:57 this one, "for I will restore health unto you and I will 15:59 heal you of your wounds says the Lord. " 16:02 Jeremiah 30:17. "And therefore if any man be in Christ 16:06 he is a new creature, old things are passed away, 16:08 behold all things are become new. " 16:11 2 Corinthians 5:17, "for the weapons of our warfare 16:15 are not Cardinal but mighty through God to the 16:18 pulling down of strongholds casting down imaginations 16:20 and every high thing that exalts itself against the 16:22 knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every 16:26 thought to the obedience of Christ. " 16:28 2 Corinthians 10: 4 & 5, - you know I have got to say 16:31 what is really interesting, it is the coolest thing and for 16:33 people who haven't done this yet. 16:35 You turn around and ask God and you start to just let 16:39 Him show you things, He will do that, He will 16:43 bring the Scripture text - and I'm writing them down 16:45 and reading them and crying and I love this one. 16:48 "Peace I leave with you My peace I give unto you, 16:50 not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let's not your 16:53 heart be troubled neither let it be afraid. " John 14:27 16:56 And the last one He brought me to was, "he brought them 16:59 out of darkness and the shadow of death and broke their 17:03 bands asunder. " Psalms 107:14 17:07 So I'm sitting there - He gives you all this 17:09 - He did - in preparation - He didn't give me any 17:12 thing other than that I knew that what He was going to 17:17 give me, He wasn't going to give me, you know He says He 17:19 won't give anything we can't handle - So 17:22 I knew that what He was going to give me was going to 17:24 be big, but He was right there, I felt His presence. 17:27 It was like loving arms around me, so the next thing I 17:32 just closed my eyes and there is this vision, you know 17:37 this memory that pops into my head. 17:38 Well I knew that memory because when somebody says 17:43 what your first memory, I always knew mine was I was 17:45 naked behind the house and I always said that. 17:48 I was 3 years old, naked behind the house and that was what 17:53 I always thought that I had gone back there and taken 17:56 all my clothes off or whatever. 17:58 My mom found me and laughed at me and never thought 18:01 - and not laughed at you in a bad way 18:03 - just like what you do in taking your clothes off 18:05 that kind of thing. 18:07 I thought well God I know that, I know that memory. 18:10 He gently said, Alta, you didn't take your clothes 18:17 off and then He showed me who did. 18:19 And I just, it was a male relative of mine who is 18:26 deceased now, but I mean, it was somebody I was 18:29 very close to, and I just sat there with tears 18:32 running down my face. 18:33 I didn't have any anger or bitterness, 18:38 I was saddened, but I also have my, 18:44 the Lord had put in my heart forgiveness. 18:46 I understood, I immediately understood. 18:51 Then the Lord took me back to some other memories I 18:54 had when I was 11 years old, I was molested by a 18:59 15 year old boy, I was molested. 19:01 I always thought that was my fault, I always thought 19:05 that was my fault. 19:06 Then when I was 16 I was date raped and again I always 19:09 thought that was my fault. 19:11 It is your fault, you shouldn't have let it go so far. 19:14 Even though I was saying no, it's your fault. 19:16 All these things and the Lord showed me at 3 years old 19:22 it wasn't my fault - Amen! 19:26 I didn't have a choice in it, and not when I was 11 or 19:30 16 was it my fault, but when I was 3 years old, 19:33 I was just a child, a little. 19:35 One thing that is amazing to me when you say that story 19:41 is that when the molest was over, whoever the relative 19:47 was walked away and left you naked behind the shed to 19:51 be found by someone else. 19:53 And to me I think in an emotional sense, in a spiritual 19:56 sense you were naked behind the shed until God says you're 19:59 okay and I love you and let Me dress you. 20:02 Let Me step in - and it just amazes me, what I saw 20:09 from that instance, was when He started bringing to 20:13 my mind was abandonment issues. 20:15 I was hurt and left alone by somebody that I trusted. 20:19 So I have abandonment issues, have relationship issues, 20:22 and I'm not trying to make, I don't want anybody to 20:25 hear this and think that she is just trying to make 20:28 excuses for the thing she has done. 20:30 Because that is not where I want this, I don't, 20:33 at 3 years old something was taken from me. 20:38 My innocence was taken from me and also I think 20:42 something in my brain, I don't know - to reason 20:47 - yeah something twisted that took away some of my 20:50 abilities to reason things out. 20:53 What is really interesting to me, is in my own healing 20:56 like we talked about, that as God brings us to a place 20:58 of healing is that for some of us, for a lot of us, 21:02 He has to show us what twisted. 21:04 What made this behavior okay, what made this draw okay, 21:08 this cavern, emotional pit that you have, 21:12 what developed that in you. 21:14 As soon as we see it through the Holy Spirit, 21:16 it's like the Holy Spirit says now let Me fill that up, 21:19 let that need not ever be a need that you have again. 21:22 I don't know how He does it, but He does it. 21:26 Alta: He does it is so cool. 21:28 I don't hear you make excuses, I want to tell you that 21:30 I am, I don't hear you make excuses what I hear 21:33 is a woman that is grateful, saying God thank you 21:37 for bringing me to this place where I can see this 21:41 and allow you to bring healing into my life. 21:44 And into the lives of everybody that was 21:47 damaged during that process. 21:48 You know one of the first things I had to do was I had 21:50 to tell my parents what had happened. 21:54 Because I felt they needed to know. 21:55 Cheri: what did they say? 21:57 You know I didn't want to cast blame on them, like why 22:00 did you leave me alone, I didn't want them to think that 22:02 at all because they certainly trusted this person too. 22:04 They cried, they were and yet you know my mom said that 22:12 made so much more sense now. 22:14 You were found a number of times without your 22:16 clothes on? - yes I was. 22:18 My mom she just said it made a lot more sense 22:22 to her way that had happened. 22:24 She said that it was funny because it happened 22:27 only when this person kept saying she keeps 22:29 taking her clothes off. 22:30 My mom didn't know why, she didn't put 2 and 2 together. 22:35 What was interesting with your mom is that even at that 22:40 time she didn't shame you with that she was just 22:42 curious, and later on she said this made a lot of sense. 22:46 Right now it makes more sense. 22:48 There was some real healing between us too, 22:51 because here I am, I'm having affairs. 22:54 I'm sure it is real what it's, your daughter 22:57 Alta doing today? 22:58 Ah well she's now having an affair with somebody else, 23:01 she ran off with this guy and she can't seem 23:04 to get her life together. 23:05 Well I'm sure she wasn't sharing all my brownie points. 23:08 When you first told me that I have to say that my heart 23:12 went out to this little girl that was behind the shed, 23:15 my heart went out to her. 23:16 I know that you wrote something, at home, 23:18 about that whole thing that God gave you these words, 23:22 I really believe that - definitely it was right after 23:25 He showed me, within a half hour, I was at my computer 23:29 and these words just flowed. 23:31 It's called LOST INNOCENCE. 23:33 She was so innocent this child of three, 23:36 her life was filled with wonder and care free. 23:39 Little did she know the danger that lurked near, 23:42 coming from one she had no reason to fear. 23:45 Through her short life he had held her 23:47 often in his arms. 23:48 She had no way of knowing that one day 23:51 he would do her harm. 23:52 But one day the opportunity he sought finally came 23:56 at first he made it seem like a childish game. 23:59 She laughed not knowing what he was doing, 24:01 but in his heart evil was brewing. 24:04 She was left upon the cold hard ground, 24:07 feeling abandoned with no one around. 24:10 She did not know that this is prearranged, 24:13 nor that her life was forever changed. 24:16 The one that she had trusted was no more, 24:20 he continued she treat her just as he did before. 24:23 Her mother found her naked behind the house, 24:27 and laughed thinking her little girl had taken off her blouse. 24:30 She scooped her up and her loving on arms, 24:33 having no reason to be alarmed. 24:36 Nearly 50 years has since gone by, 24:39 as she recalls what happened she softly cries. 24:43 But through the pain healing can now come, 24:46 for no longer does Satan's lies need she succumb. 24:50 Her values she now finds in the Lord, 24:52 as He tells her each day she is the one He adores. 24:56 The bitterness of her life He has taken away, 24:59 and into her heart comes the peace for which she did pray. 25:03 Behold He has promised to make all things new, 25:06 she has found that through His word 25:08 that to be true. 25:10 She now shares her story not to cast blame, 25:14 but others may find healing that will take away their shame. 25:18 Amen and you know just as you're sharing your life with 25:23 us today, I know that there has to be people watching, 25:26 even people in the café that are just saying thank you 25:29 so much because there is damage that happens to us that 25:34 causes us to act out. 25:35 God is saying, please trust Me and bring all 25:39 that to the cross. 25:40 Bring all that to Me and trust Me in your 25:43 recovery as I will step you right out of that. 25:46 I will show you where it came from, I will convince you 25:49 to let it go, and I will convince you that my love is 25:53 big enough to even put this wound to rest. 25:56 You know I think what has really touched me through 25:59 all this is the fact that it was an addiction. 26:01 It was something that I was drawn to and yet 26:07 we don't treat it that way. 26:09 We treat it, it is shameful, it is embarrassing thing. 26:14 Do I want to come up and say what did you do 10 years 26:16 ago, oh I had an affair. 26:17 That is not something you want to share, and you 26:21 especially do not want to share it in church. 26:23 They don't ask me to come up and do testimony time. 26:25 Only you do that - because I'm proud of God, 26:30 I'm proud of God because I have seen the joy in 26:33 your eyes and I see how He has set you free from 26:36 this abandonment stuff that you have dealt with from 26:39 the sexualized behavior that you have dealt with. 26:41 You know the first time I saw that in your eyes, 26:44 I saw that joy, I thought I so want you to come up and 26:47 you looked at me like frightened, are you kidding me? 26:51 And thinking know I am so serious. 26:53 I'm the church secretary remember - I know so you told 26:57 me and I'm like the secretary they are not going to 26:59 like this, and I thought please. 27:01 I would like to just open it up right now to questions 27:04 here because I know that Charlie you had a question. 27:07 Yes, Alta your story really touches me 27:10 in a personal way. 27:11 I looked at it from a child's perspective about 27:14 adultery and affairs because when I was 31 years 27:18 old I found out I was a product of an affair. 27:20 My mother was unhappily married and it was quite 27:26 a shock to find that out. 27:27 At 13 I found out my father was having an affair, 27:29 I had picked up the phone at the same time he did 27:31 and he was telling another woman he loved her. 27:33 I had to reveal that to the family and it was hard to 27:36 do, so from a child's perspective growing up and 27:39 seeing that, coming from an affair it was really tough. 27:42 It shook me up inside. 27:44 I went to my mother and I said why did you do this, 27:50 it was the same reasons she was molested by her 27:53 father growing up. 27:54 An alcoholic father, and wanted out of the home. 27:56 Rushed off and got married to someone right away 27:58 thinking that was her knight in shining armor 28:01 to fulfill her in some sense and went looking for love 28:03 afterwards and I am a product of that. 28:06 Praise God that I am here, and so even God in a bad 28:09 situation like that can make some good I hope. 28:11 My question is, what has God done inside your heart 28:16 personally, emotionally, psychologically; 28:18 what has He done inside to divert from that behavior 28:21 in those actions now. 28:22 Where has He touched you intimately inside that it is 28:26 not a longing anymore, or craving to be fulfilled and 28:28 try to fill it that way? 28:30 What has He done for you? 28:31 Charlie I think one of the things that God has showed 28:34 me through this - can I jump in and just say something 28:36 before you answer him? 28:37 You know Charlie as you are asking the question, 28:40 I saw this almost hurt child, because you have 28:44 been through a lot of pain with all of this stuff in your life. 28:46 With the disclosure that somebody gave you that 28:49 you didn't have the upbringing, the start that 28:54 you thought you had. 28:55 You know I almost saw this hurt child saying please 29:00 tell me that you can change. 29:01 Please tell me that this is real and that people do 29:05 surrender to God and change. 29:08 So when you answer him even answer that child. 29:11 Alta: what God showed me through all this is that I do 29:17 not need to look to anybody else, to anybody else. 29:20 My husband, not my parents, not anybody for that 29:24 affirmation of love. 29:26 I only need to go to Him - and He is safe 29:30 - and He is safe. 29:31 He brings other people into your life to love you, 29:33 to be His arms and to embrace you and all that. 29:36 But it is His love, and He even showed me 29:39 He was my husband and that He has all the 29:42 characteristics of a husband. 29:44 That He wants to nurture me, and that works for both 29:48 men and women, not just a husband and a sense of one 29:51 that will take care of you, that nurtures you, that 29:53 is there for you, that picks you up and dusts you off. 29:54 I think the neatest thing is, this little child that 29:58 was hurting, how that morning when He showed me that, 30:01 He took me in His arms, I felt His presence so close 30:06 around me and He does that. 30:08 What He showed me is in my life to is that you have 30:14 trigger points that I am very careful now when I am in 30:19 the company of other men that aren't my husband. 30:22 You half to be on your guard - so explain for people 30:25 who do not know what trigger points are. 30:27 Well I don't try to find myself flirting with other men. 30:30 I try not to be in relationships where you get talking 30:35 intimately and things like that. 30:37 I try to keep, there is a guard, you have to 30:41 put a guard up. - appropriate boundaries! 30:42 It is not like I can't go up to Charlie and give 30:44 him a hug, it's not like you become this 30:47 cold stone wall either. 30:49 Because I am a natural affectionately loving person. 30:52 But it also means that I am careful of my surroundings. 30:56 - I love the way you say there was a time I was working 30:59 in the hospital doing a group with a bunch of doctors. 31:04 We were trying to look at patients coming in and when 31:07 they came in and all that kind of stuff. 31:08 I found myself at lunch with one of the doctors and we 31:11 were laughing our heads off. 31:12 I laugh a lot so that wasn't that, but it was different, 31:16 it was more intimate and I looked up and realized what 31:20 just happened here. 31:21 I knew and went home and immediately confessed to Brad, 31:26 and he's like you are laughing and a big deal for what? 31:28 Brad you don't even understand, it was like all of a sudden, 31:32 and I remembered setting the boundaries and pulling myself 31:35 out of that team just so, and it was easy to do. 31:39 I don't want to have private lunches with this 31:42 person anymore, I want to make sure that there is 31:45 a lot of people around and I limit our moving 31:48 closer in our relationship. 31:50 But it was just a matter of hearing myself laugh a certain 31:53 way knowing that that was, for me, more intimate. 31:56 So you are saying, God said beware of those triggers? 32:00 Right and also - when you are feeling lonely 32:03 - when I am feeling lonely don't call a male friend, 32:04 call your girlfriend, call her and tell her, 32:07 spent time in the word, talk to your husband. 32:11 I tell my husband that I in feeling a little unloved 32:14 right now, a little neglected. 32:16 I think for men too, if I can address that, men need 32:20 to be careful that, it's not wrong to tell a woman she 32:25 looks nice and stuff but don't leave the hand on the 32:29 arm longer, because women read into that totally 32:33 different than you think they are. 32:35 You know they are thinking wow, he likes me. 32:39 Your mind starts playing tricks on you, it's not a 32:44 good thing - we do that with each other a lot, so it's 32:46 just being able to say, and that is what we talked 32:49 about the Commandments moving us into a place where 32:51 God says let Me teach you appropriate behavior. 32:53 Not out of fear, but just not helping each other 32:57 to heal from all this stuff. 32:59 We have gotten so mixed up in this junk that we don't 33:02 even know that we are setting off each other's triggers. 33:04 God says ask the Holy Spirit, ask the Holy Spirit to 33:08 make you, help you to become a woman of integrity or a man of 33:13 integrity and it is the coolest thing ever. 33:15 but you have to lean on God's understanding not yours 33:18 right now because you do not know. 33:19 I have to say to that one of the things my husband 33:23 and we did is that I am accountable to him for 33:27 the first year or so. 33:29 He doesn't do it so much anymore because he trusts me, 33:33 I built that trust up again. 33:34 But that was another thing again have an accountable 33:37 person if you're in affair or getting out of it, that 33:42 your husband or a friend that you can say no I'm not 33:46 seeing that person, or no I haven't had any contact. 33:50 For the first year he would come to me and say, 33:52 you're acting a little strange, have you had 33:55 contact with so-and-so? And I said no, no, 33:57 or maybe I did, and I would say yes. 33:59 It kind of reminds me of the disciples, they could sin 34:03 when they were behind Jesus back when Jesus wasn't looking 34:06 right at them, they could get around and talk about who was 34:09 the greatest and who was going to be the greatest. 34:11 But when Jesus turned around and said what are you 34:13 talking about, they go, Oh nothing!- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, 34:15 So I think that is so important to have somebody that 34:21 is accountable and that you are accountable to. 34:23 What is really difficult in this situation is being 34:28 accountable to somebody and being straight up with kind 34:31 of the stuff most people don't like talking about. 34:33 It's like I need an accountability partner, I need 34:37 somebody that I can hang out with and call on, 34:40 those kind of things. 34:42 Charley was that an answer, - yeah okay. 34:46 So you know what is really important to me is that 34:49 all the damage all way around is that God steps in 34:52 and says I'm going to heal, I come in heal in every 34:55 single area and every single life. 34:58 Because damage started at 3 years old, that is amazing 35:01 how Satan uses that to just snow ball through your life. 35:05 Exactly, I want to say God bless you and I'm going to be 35:08 praying for you and love you and thank you for 35:10 being on the program. 35:11 Thank you for having me. 35:13 You know I just want to say to anyone that is 35:16 struggling in these areas, is ask the Holy Spirit, 35:19 what do I need to know about this. 35:21 What is really interesting is that God wants us to know. 35:24 He is not trying to hide from us. 35:25 He's not trying to hide our stuff from us. 35:27 He's not trying, if we are stuck somewhere and we 35:30 keep falling in the same thing, is ask Him. 35:33 God, not help me, which help me is good, but show me 35:38 where I am stuck at. 35:40 Show me what I need to know and then trust Him. 35:43 Shut your eyes and just allow Him to speak to you. 35:46 Give you verses and walk you right out of that. 35:50 We are going to be right back, stay with us! |
Revised 2014-12-17