Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), David Parnell
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000052A
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00:10 Welcome to Celebrating Life in Recovery,
00:12 I'm Cheri your host! 00:13 Some testimonies just grab you and this is going to 00:16 be one of them you are not going to want to miss it. 00:18 So come join us in the café. 00:48 Welcome back! 00:49 I want to start out with Jeremiah 29:11, because when 00:54 I first saw I thought it was amazing. 00:56 I'm strung out on heroine, I have teeth are missing and I'm 00:59 illiterate and I read that God has a plan for my life. 01:03 A plan to prosper me and not to harm me, a plan 01:07 to bring everything good out of all this junk. 01:10 And I remember thinking, you know what I don't think 01:13 anybody had a plan for my life, anybody cares about 01:16 what happens for me. 01:17 And I felt like all of heaven said, that is so not true. 01:20 We know that you are there, we have a plan for your 01:23 life, we have known you since the womb and even though 01:26 no one spoke into your life, I'm speaking into your 01:29 life and I want you to know that. 01:30 I'm going to guide you through that. 01:32 I like to introduce you to a friend of mine, David. 01:35 And David I want to say that you know I'm thrilled 01:38 that you are here. 01:39 David: well thanks for inviting me, 01:40 it's really my honor. 01:42 Cheri: when I first heard your testimony I was just, 01:44 like you are kidding me. 01:45 I wanted to know everything about you. 01:48 I wanted to so, I remember praying for you just 01:52 because I knew that God was using you in ways that are 01:55 unbelievable and the fact that you are here is amazing. 01:59 Can you start out the program, because I do not want to 02:02 do a teaching part, I want to just turn it over to you. 02:06 Who are you? 02:07 I know that you had a normal life growing up, 02:11 it didn't stay that way and talk to us about that. 02:15 Sure well I'm 41 years old and I'm a recovering Meth 02:19 addict, recovering alcoholic and an ex-convict. 02:21 I'm also a husband to a wonderful woman named Amy and 02:25 we have 7 beautiful children, but more importantly to 02:28 me I'm a born again Christian. 02:29 I started out growing up in a pretty good home. 02:34 My mother didn't use drugs or alcohol. 02:35 My granddad did drink alcohol so I was exposed to a 02:39 person that had drinking problems. 02:42 But it actually was much better than where I had come from 02:46 with my dad being a drug addict and alcoholic and 02:48 a very violent man. 02:50 So to me it was a blessing to stay with my granddad. 02:54 And about the age of 12 years old, my granddad was 02:58 dying of bone cancer. 03:00 He thought it would be a good idea for me to find 03:03 my dad and try to start up and relationship with him. 03:05 Cheri: and everything in me when you say that, 03:08 I just want to scream no don't do it, 03:10 because sometimes when we search for parents that 03:12 are out to lunch, we find them and 03:14 they are still out to lunch. 03:15 David: oh yeah, I have talked to young men, I say young 03:20 men because it happens is young man that told me part 03:23 of their life stories and how they have never known 03:26 their dad and how much it bothers them. 03:28 And the whole time they are telling me that, 03:30 I'm thinking, man, sometimes I wish that I hadn't 03:33 met my dad, at that young of an age anyway. 03:35 Cheri: because you found him. 03:37 David: I found him and it was like peer pressure. 03:39 When teenagers asked me why I using drugs with my dad, 03:43 I tell them it was about like being around older teenagers 03:47 I mean it was peer pressure. 03:48 I wanted him to except me, I wanted to hang out 03:50 with him and his friends. 03:51 When he offered me marijuana, I knew that if I smoked 03:55 it with him I could hang out with him and I did. 03:58 I hung out with him and his friends, and he would take 04:00 me to bars at that young of an age. 04:02 He was a musician in bars. 04:03 So I tried the marijuana with him, and that's really 04:07 where my life made a turn, because already at that age 04:10 I was real gifted. 04:12 God had really gifted me on athletic ability. 04:15 When in junior high people in my area thought I would 04:19 go to college and play ball, and I thought that too. 04:23 Basketball was really my love of life, whenever I 04:27 have a hard time in home... 04:29 Cheri: you were on teams, getting all kinds of... 04:32 David: it was my escape, all kids have an escape 04:34 and that is where I could go and do that and forget 04:36 about the problems in my life. 04:38 But as the drugs came in they became the passion of my 04:41 life, by the time I was a senior in high school I had 04:45 moved from marijuana, to cocaine in one of the big 04:49 questions people ask me is how did you make 04:51 a jump from marijuana to cocaine? 04:53 Well I was hanging around older kids, and I was going 04:57 to buy marijuana from the older kids. 04:59 Some of them was already out of school, and as their 05:02 addictions progressed to harder drugs, naturally 05:05 I progressed right along with them. 05:06 Once I got into the cocaine I no longer cared about 05:10 going to college and playing ball, really all 05:11 I cared about was where I was going to get that 05:13 next bag of dope at. 05:14 Cheri: people, when somebody says that, 05:17 I see kids that haven't experimented yet. 05:20 They say that, that is not the way it is. 05:22 I'm thinking, it's so is the way it is, that you graduate 05:27 into something that actually does it for you more. 05:31 David: yeah, it just becomes something that you feel 05:34 like you have to have to get through the day. 05:38 It is no longer about just having fun, it starts out 05:41 experimenting and you think it's exciting, it's fun, 05:44 it's something new, you have this funny feeling. 05:47 Of course all of us addicts know that by the end it's 05:52 like you have to do what you feel like to survive the day. 05:55 To feel good, just to get through any situation you 05:58 feel like you need to be high. 06:00 That's what I mean when it became more important 06:04 than basketball or anything else at that point 06:07 I started to become an addict. 06:08 I was drinking heavy... 06:09 Cheri: did you graduate? David: yes I graduated. 06:12 I don't think I would have had it not been for the 06:14 basketball, that is really the only thing 06:16 that kept me in school. 06:18 My grades had dropped so bad the last year that I 06:21 shouldn't have graduated, but I think they wanted 06:23 to get rid of me. 06:24 Cheri: they are like you are so done. 06:26 David: yeah, let's get this guy out of here. 06:29 I have a lot of guilt and I always will have because 06:32 there were other kids in my school that didn't use 06:35 drugs and I talked them into smoking marijuana. 06:38 I just went to one of them's funeral the other day. 06:42 Here he is 40 years old, he became such a heavy alcoholic 06:45 that his kidneys and stuff finally failed. 06:47 His name was Dean, and as I am standing over the coffin 06:52 a month ago, I couldn't help but think back about talking 06:56 him into smoking marijuana. 06:58 Cheri: saying, it's no big deal. 06:59 this is no big deal. 07:00 David: my big thing was when I started selling 07:04 marijuana in 9 grade in high school, getting it off 07:06 my bus driver taking it in to the school selling 07:08 the marijuana to other kids. 07:09 My big thing was... 07:11 Cheri: getting it off your bus driver? 07:13 You know what all of a sudden I'm thinking, wait a minute 07:16 because you think that, and it's where it's gets real crazy 07:19 to me, is that sometimes we think we're safe in certain 07:22 places and with some of these drugs you are not. 07:25 David: yeah, the parents you would think when you put your 07:27 kids on the school bus they are going to be pretty safe, 07:30 and going through the school system. 07:32 But that is not the case anymore at all, 07:34 because addiction just doesn't go along with 07:37 poor kids in a trailer park neighborhood. 07:39 Addiction has crossed every boundary there is and I 07:43 have seen police officers, school teachers, 07:46 bus drivers, I used with a registered nurse, 07:48 I had a district attorney, a Kentucky sheriff 07:51 that was running drug rings. 07:54 I mean from my experience of my life on this road, 07:59 I have noticed anybody can be acceptable to addiction. 08:03 Cheri: and you know, and we are going to get into this 08:06 on the second half, but it is the educate ourselves 08:09 and sets some boundaries for people and drug tests. 08:12 Drug tests is a huge thing that we can protect kids 08:15 from that, so you were from the school bus selling 08:19 drugs, barely making it in school, barely staying in 08:22 school with your grades. 08:24 David: my big lie to the kids was, and they still say 08:28 it today, is God put marijuana on this earth, 08:30 why can't we smoke it? 08:31 I always said that kind of stuff. 08:33 I remember saying that to a car load of high school 08:35 students selling them a bag of weed. 08:36 What I tell the kids now a days is such a lie. 08:39 God put everything here, He didn't mean for us to use 08:41 it like that, He put turpentine here, but I am not going 08:43 to suck on that every week and see if it kills me. 08:45 Cheri: well you did Meth. 08:47 David: right well yeah, might as well have, probably 08:52 would've been less painful. 08:53 But the thing is that marijuana is a deadly drug. 08:58 In our society people act like marijuana isn't a deadly drug, 09:03 but it is in the main reason is 90% of Meth 09:07 addicts started out on marijuana and work their way up. 09:10 Cheri: you know because I smoked pot so I can understand 09:14 what you're saying is that when you start to bring those 09:17 drugs into your life, like I'm smoking some weed and 09:20 enjoyed watching a movie or laughing with friends, 09:23 pretty soon I'm not enjoying the movie at all 09:25 unless I smoke weed. 09:27 I don't laugh with friends and unless I'm smoking weed. 09:30 I don't really want to go anywhere unless we get a bag 09:34 of weed, and so it starts out so innocent but then pretty 09:37 soon I can't enjoy it unless I have the weed. 09:43 Then I'm smoking it everyday, and once I smoke it every 09:46 day, I'm thinking what else can I do. 09:48 What else looks good. 09:50 Yeah that's exactly the point that I was at, I had to be 09:54 every day, every time you went to the movies, out 09:58 with friends I had to be high on something. 10:00 Alcohol was a constant every weekend. 10:04 At 21 years old I had moved to Dallas Texas after my 10:07 first marriage had failed, I had married my high school 10:10 sweetheart and I was a very mean an abusive man to her. 10:13 She was a good Christian woman and of course the 10:16 marriage failed and when it did I moved to Dallas Texas. 10:19 Right when I didn't think anything could get any worse 10:22 in my life I moved into what I call, a crank house. 10:25 Because crank and Meth, the thing is a lot of people don't 10:29 realize, and some of your audience may not realize, 10:31 is that Meth goes by so many different names. 10:33 Lot of times I will say crank and people will think 10:37 I'm talking about cocaine, but actually the word crank 10:40 goes along with Meth, it's just another slang. 10:42 And I call them crank houses where they were 10:44 selling Meth and that's what I moved into. 10:46 Cheri: how did you move into a crank house? 10:49 David: well my dad had got divorced from his 10:52 third or fourth wife and when I moved out there 10:54 that is who I moved in with. 10:55 Me and my dad was bachelors together. 10:57 Him and other band members that was in the band was 11:00 running around Arlington Texas and Fort Worth and 11:04 Dallas on motorcycles and were selling the Meth. 11:07 I had never heard of Meth before. 11:08 Living in Tennessee back in them days, in the late 80's it 11:13 wasn't in my area and I had no idea what it was but 11:15 they told me it was a speed form and it was like 11:18 cocaine but a whole lot more potent. 11:20 When they said that I had been using cocaine, 11:23 so I naturally tried it. 11:24 I will never forget the first time I tried it, 11:26 a lot of people seems like they don't remember the 11:28 first time, but I do because it scared me so bad 11:30 because I have been used to doing cocaine and I had never 11:33 experienced a rush like that. 11:35 My heart I felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. 11:37 Of course it is 2 days later before I come down and I 11:42 hadn't experience that either. 11:43 With the cocaine I had to do it every few hours to keep 11:47 going, but with this drug, $25 worth, the same amount of 11:51 cocaine $25 dollars worth would keep me if a few hours, 11:54 but Meth $25 worth I could stay up for 2 days. 11:58 But it didn't not scare me bad enough to not want to do it 12:01 again, I knew from the first time I thought wow, this is my 12:05 drug of choice and can actually stay high now like I 12:09 wanted to, not having any money, because you have to 12:12 quiet a bit of money to stay that high on cocaine. 12:15 Where with Meth I realized I would have a little bit of 12:19 money and could party for a long time. 12:20 Cheri: I can stay up, I can party and do all that stuff. 12:23 What a lot of people don't realize too is 12:25 that your serotonin levels go up, you start feeling 12:29 like I could just conquer the world, my self-esteem is 12:31 incredible and all those kind of things that happened 12:34 artificially to make you feel good. 12:38 You could be dying but you would feel good. 12:39 David: yeah I felt good, I felt alive, I had more 12:44 energy than I had ever had before. 12:46 I thought I was thinking clearer than I had ever felt 12:49 before and I felt so strong in the beginning. 12:51 That is were Satan uses the drug as such an illusion 12:55 on kids, in the beginning they feel like that. 12:57 Cheri: don't you wish that somehow we can love them enough 13:00 so they wouldn't need that artificial thing. 13:03 I think sometimes when I hear, like you tell your 13:07 testimony, I'm hoping people get that, is that kids 13:11 especially from broken homes, kids that are struggling 13:14 with finding out who they are, with alcoholic 13:16 grandparents, parents and all I kind of stuff. 13:19 Abandonment, is if we were loving them early on that 13:24 maybe the choices would be different. 13:26 That is just my soapbox I'm sorry, I want to jump on 13:29 that soapbox and say, if you are seeing a kid that you 13:33 think is not being loved on, or is acting like an idiot, 13:36 love on that one. 13:37 David: yeah that is the truth, it brings up the memory 13:43 of a little boy stealing food in a cafeteria. 13:45 When they caught him, he got reprimanded really bad. 13:48 Come to find out he was stealing the food because his 13:52 parents was on Meth and they wasn't feeding his baby sister. 13:55 He was only stealing the food, to take home to feed his sister. 13:58 If sometimes we wouldn't jump on someone and judge 14:02 them so fast and try to look at what is causing that action, 14:07 especially with the young kids. 14:08 We could do so much more good that way. 14:11 Cheri: so now you are living in a crank house, 14:16 running and gunning with the best of them and all 14:20 that kind of stuff, because you got married again too. 14:24 At what point did your wife come into the picture? 14:28 That lasted about a year and a half in Texas. 14:30 When I left I would have, back then I only did 14:33 it on the weekends, but would stay up all weekend. 14:36 I've would have told you I could quit anytime I wanted, 14:39 back then I would have said that. 14:41 Looking back I realize I really was hooked long before 14:44 that, but I left there and came back to Tennessee. 14:47 Meth still hadn't hit Tennessee yet heavy. 14:51 It wasn't in my area, I went back to the same drugs 14:54 I always used, marijuana, cocaine and alcohol. 14:57 Because when I was on the Meth I didn't want to 15:00 do the alcohol, I didn't want to do the cocaine. 15:02 All I wanted to do was a Meth high, I didn't want 15:05 anything to interrupt that high. 15:06 When I came back to Tennessee is when I met my second wife 15:09 Amy, and I ended up getting her pregnant. 15:11 Instead of marrying her and taking care of her and the baby, 15:14 Straightening up and doing what a man ought to do, 15:17 I was a dope dealer and was growing marijuana. 15:20 It was harvest time and I had 25 pounds of weed and 15:22 I told her I was going to take it to Tulsa Oklahoma, 15:25 where I had other family members, and I was going to 15:28 sell it and I would be back in a couple months. 15:29 Went out there to party and ended up getting caught. 15:32 It was almost 2 years later before it got to leave Oklahoma, 15:34 Went to state prison. 15:36 When I had come home she had our first daughter, 15:39 Sarah and she was just fixing to turn 2 years old 15:42 and I married Amy. 15:44 It was probably a year and a half later, 15:48 I had came back maybe 95, around 96 is when 15:52 Meth really just exploded in my area of Tennessee 15:56 and I got back to using. 15:58 Of course then it was so much worse I couldn't 16:00 just do it on the weekend's. 16:01 Now I had started staying up 4 and 5 days, and what was 16:05 funny in Texas at 21 them guys were staying up for a 16:08 week at a time and would talk about hallucinating, 16:10 and acted weird. 16:12 I actually remember thinking at 21, sitting there one 16:15 night, I thought, man I'm never going to be like these 16:17 old guys, I'm never go let that dope control me like 16:19 these guys are letting it control them. 16:21 I really didn't believe the hallucinations, I thought 16:24 they were just messing with me, but when I started staying 16:27 up for 4 or 5 days I started hallucinating too. 16:29 What was so weird to me is there is only a few drugs in the 16:32 entire world where people hallucinate the same visions. 16:35 Meth happens to be one of those drugs. 16:37 I've got to seeing what we call shadow people, that 16:40 seems like that is the most common thing for Meth users. 16:42 Cheri: everybody talks about those. 16:43 David: it really is, I was in Canada not long ago and 16:46 I told the same testimony to an audience up there and a 16:49 girl came up, she said I never heard nobody say that before. 16:52 She said I call them my little gremlins, 16:54 but I have seen those shadows. 16:55 I told her it is really a common thing. 16:57 I would see them out of the corner of my eye in the 16:59 beginning, and I would turn and there would be nothing 17:01 there I would just see movement. 17:02 But as my addiction got worse I could go to Wal-Mart 17:06 or wherever it was, and be around a number of people 17:08 and I could see shadows walking around the room that 17:11 is how bad it got. 17:12 But in the beginning it scared me, 17:15 but I got used to it and actually got to a point 17:19 in my addiction to where I didn't think I was even 17:23 high enough unless I started hallucinating. 17:25 That seems so weird to say and weird for some people to hear 17:29 that, but that is how bad most of us get. 17:34 We want to be right at the edge. 17:36 Cheri: so after a while you are seeking the craziness? 17:42 And it is amazing to me because in your right mind that 17:46 sounds so out there, it's like I can't even conceive of 17:50 somebody actually seeking or after more bizarre or more 17:54 crazy, if you could be crazier than the next person then 17:56 that is actually a good thing, but that is a lifestyle. 17:59 David: when I hear other people say this, I hear other 18:02 people say the same thing and when I hear them say that 18:05 it makes me cringe. 18:06 I just think, man that's the craziest thing I ever heard now 18:10 that I'm sober, but at that point my wife started trying 18:13 to get me to quit. 18:14 She was telling me that it was changing me because I was 18:17 becoming more violent toward her and other people in the 18:20 community, but I thought instead of me quitting I needed 18:23 to get her using with me. 18:24 I got Amy to use with me, I just kept telling her 18:26 over and over it wasn't the Meth making me like that, 18:28 when I was so cranky. 18:30 I would tell her it wasn't as bad as everybody said, 18:33 it made you feel good. 18:34 But I think what really got her is she always 18:37 talks about wanting to lose weight, and I told her 18:39 Meth will help you lose weight because it is 18:41 an appetite suppressant. 18:42 It will for most people, 18:44 but it will do is starve you to death. 18:45 If you tell somebody that enough times, 18:47 it was not going to hurt them, 18:48 most people are going to try it. 18:49 I believe that is one of the guiltiest memories I 18:52 have in the things that I have done was to get my 18:55 wife strung out on Meth. 18:56 Because when she tried it she was like most people from 19:00 the beginning she knew that was her drug of choice. 19:03 That is when my kids started suffering, before they 19:06 always had their mama to take care of them and now 19:08 they had neither one. 19:10 I was locked up in a back bedroom 3 or 4 days out of the 19:13 week at a time and now I have got her locked up, 19:15 back there with me. 19:16 I remember the kids coming back there and knocking on 19:18 the door screaming and crying and I would be in the room 19:20 cussing them, telling them to get out of there, leave us alone 19:24 Cheri: and they just want to eat, 19:26 they just want to do normal things. 19:27 David: yet I just want somebody to hold them and the 19:30 weird thing was if you would have asked me back then I 19:32 would have told you I was a pretty good dad because in 19:34 my mind I justified it by thinking 19:36 I don't do my dope in front of my kids. 19:39 That is how I thought I was protecting them. 19:41 I would have told you if they need me, 19:43 I don't hang out at the dope house all the time. 19:44 I get my drugs, I come home, and all they have 19:46 to do is come back and knock on the door. 19:48 But I was never there for them. 19:49 If you ask my oldest kids what they remember about the 19:51 years of me and their mother using drugs; what they will 19:54 probably tell you, I have heard them tell other people 19:56 this, is we fought every day. 19:58 And we did just about did at the end. 19:59 Cheri: my parents are addicts, and by dad the same 20:03 thing, he just died in December and I thought you 20:07 know I never really had a dad. 20:08 I wanted one day for him to be just stop using for 20:12 one day because I wanted to just be with you, I want 20:16 you to see me and you don't get that connection. 20:18 So even physically if you are here in the building 20:21 it doesn't matter, if you are smoking weed, 20:24 if you're using, if you're drinking that your kids 20:26 really don't get to see you. 20:27 David: no and it is so important that 20:30 they do have that, that love. 20:33 I was counseling a woman one time and she said, 20:37 What really bothers me is I haven't used method in 2 months. 20:41 When I need my little girl and boy to sit in my lap and 20:44 hold them, she said, they don't want to sit in my lap. 20:47 She said, it ticks me off so bad. 20:48 I told her you have to think about how many times our 20:51 kids needed us when we was using and we wasn't there 20:55 for them, it takes some time if you do quit don't 20:58 just expect your kids to jump right in there. 21:01 No, because they are scared. 21:02 You have lied to them so many times they think you 21:05 are just lying again about quitting and it takes time, 21:07 it takes months, 21:08 sometimes years for them to feel comfortable. 21:11 My kids now I come in the house and they just attack me. 21:14 It will come if you let God control your life. 21:17 Cheri: Amy, both of you have more children? 21:21 David: yes we have more children. 21:22 Amy had Rebecca and Abigail, and each time she found 21:27 out she was pregnant she would quit. 21:28 I think that is what actually saved my kids life. 21:32 She would only quit through the pregnancy and I would 21:35 quit with her, and there's something else it seems weird 21:38 to a lot of people is that we would use marijuana. 21:40 We should of quit cold turkey, but I had this weird idea 21:43 we couldn't and I would say anytime you feel like you 21:46 want some Meth, let me know and I'll roll a joint. 21:48 Even though marijuana is hard on the baby, 21:50 it's not a killer like Meth. 21:52 The 2 little girls came out very smart and God has 21:57 protected them in I think that is what saved them is 22:01 that we actually quit those few months. 22:03 But usually before Amy would have the baby, 22:06 Cheri: most addicts they quit and they don't, 22:08 but you guys actually quit? 22:10 David: we actually quit, but we didn't stay sober. 22:13 We just moved to a different high is what we moved to. 22:16 But before Amy would have the baby, I would already be back to 22:19 using, then the 7th or 8th month I'd be back, using a little bit, 22:23 sneaking around and by the time she had the baby 22:25 I would be pushing it on her. 22:26 I will never forget with Abigail, 22:29 she quit breast-feeding so she could use the Meth, 22:33 of course I blame myself for that, I was the one that kept 22:35 Cheri: come on we got to get high again. 22:37 David: I want you to get high with me and we'll start 22:40 getting the formula instead of the breast milk. 22:43 I feel bad because I know it was wrong and I see how 22:47 my wife has the emotional scars that it has put on her. 22:51 The memory of doing that and how it affects her 22:54 nowadays and it really bothers me. 22:57 I'm not one of them guys that can tell you that 23:00 there's things in my, you know that I wouldn't 23:03 change nothing in my life because even though I love 23:07 where God has got me now, there are some things I do 23:11 wish I could change that I have done. 23:13 But I can't, so I don't like to dwell on it all the 23:16 time, I thank God for where I am at. 23:19 Cheri: and God says, I actually will put my hand on those. 23:22 and I trust that in some of the things 23:25 I have done my own life. 23:27 So you ended up suicidal a few points in your life 23:31 because of the Meth, tell us about that. 23:34 Well my wife and kids had left, I had slapped Amy and 23:37 threatened her with a gun and she called the police. 23:40 She normally didn't because I always told her to keep our 23:43 business and our family, but thank God this time she 23:46 did call the police and they came and took my guns, 23:48 I'm not supposed to have guns. 23:49 When I got out of jail, my wife and kids 23:51 were living with their grandparents. 23:53 I was sitting on my porch and at that point I started 23:56 to becoming suicidal. 23:57 Usually it was when I was coming down. 23:59 I have been seeing things so long it didn't affect me 24:03 any longer to see things. 24:04 I had never gotten used to the noise and the voices. 24:06 It started out with me like I could hear people 24:08 whispering, that in some of like noises of people 24:10 walking around in my house. 24:12 That day was the first I remember hearing a man's voice. 24:14 Hearing a voice is pretty common for a lot of heavy users. 24:17 He said, you know your wife and kids would be better off 24:19 without you, and I still to this day think myself, 24:22 it was Satan, because it was an audible voice. 24:24 He said your wife and kids would be better off without 24:27 you, he said the world would be a better place without 24:29 a guy like you, and what the voice said next would have 24:31 meant a thing in the world to me if I had been told about 24:34 Jesus through my mother, my grandfather was a preacher. 24:36 But that old dragon always knows our breaking point. 24:39 He says, you really think Jesus isn't going to forgive 24:41 you for the things that you have done and 24:43 the people you have hurt? 24:44 I can remember like it was yesterday saying out loud, 24:46 I said no I don't think He will. 24:47 But I know now how much of a lie that was. 24:52 I don't care if a man has killed 50 people in their 24:55 life, if they are truly sorry in their heart, I know 24:58 our God is a loving God and He is good all the time 25:01 and He will forgive them. 25:02 It doesn't mean they don't have to pay for what they 25:05 have done, but God will forgive us. 25:08 I didn't think so that day, I went to my barn and tied 25:10 a rope in my barn and going to hang myself. 25:11 About that time my sister pulled up to check on me. 25:14 I thought if I'm going to do this I have to get 25:17 her out of here. 25:18 I sent her to town to get me some stuff and before 25:20 her car got going down the road I had that rope around 25:22 my neck and was stepping off my riding lawnmower. 25:25 It started choking me and hurting, I tried to grab 25:27 the rafters and I couldn't reach them. 25:29 I tried to get my foot back up on my mower, 25:31 but it was too late to change my mind in a matter of 25:34 seconds I was unconscious and when I had woke up my 25:36 sister had found me and my head was 25:38 at the front of the mower. 25:39 The rope had burnt and cut me from ear to ear. 25:41 It took me about a week to get where I could swallow, 25:43 but I was still alive, the rope had broken in two. 25:46 I guess from my body, I had went into convulsions 25:48 and started jerking, and my body weight snapped 25:51 that old rope I used. 25:52 But I know the Lord saved my life that day. 25:54 I didn't take advantage of the situation 25:56 like I should have. 25:57 They sent me to a preacher and the preacher helped 25:59 me a bunch and I got off of dope for about 5 months. 26:02 When I went back to work I thought I could hang 26:05 around my same old buddies that I had been 26:06 hanging around with before. 26:07 I didn't think it would bother me watching them get high 26:09 because I thought I had the drug addiction kicked. 26:11 When you start using it at 13 years old and 26:14 and now you are in your 30's. 26:16 I didn't know what it was like to be sober. 26:18 It was the first time I'd been sober, even in prison I 26:21 used drugs, so to me I really thought I had it kicked. 26:24 Within a few weeks I was back to smoking weed with them. 26:27 I just gave up and thought I'm not going back to church. 26:29 I'm a being a hypocrite and I immediately quit going 26:31 to church, that was a huge mistake. 26:33 I should have knocked the door down. 26:34 Cheri: Exactly, I'm not leaving this building. 26:36 I should have knocked the door down and asked God to 26:38 forgive me and I know He is faithful to do that, 26:40 but I didn't, I got back on Meth and started staying up 26:43 8, 9, 10 days instead of 3 or 4. 26:45 Each time I went back it got a little worse 26:47 than the time before. 26:48 Cheri: and a lot more crazy. 26:50 A lot more crazy and violent and 3 years later, 26:52 I'm going to jump up to 3 years. 26:55 I had became suicidal again. 26:57 My wife had quit using and was going to church, 27:00 her and the kids praying for me. 27:01 I couldn't seem to quit and I would come home 27:03 at 9:30 in the morning. 27:05 Cheri: at this time how many kids? 27:06 David: at this time 6, I came home at 9:30 in the 27:09 morning the 21st of February, 2003, her and the kids was 27:12 packing up to leave. 27:13 I asked her to lay down and talk about it. 27:15 I was too sick to stand up by this point. 27:17 I had lost so much weight and stuff that after 27:19 2 or 3 days I would get real sick. 27:20 I got sick that morning and she agreed to lay down, 27:23 but as soon as she laid down beside me she said I'm 27:25 going to lay here and talk to you for a minute but me 27:27 and the kids are still going to leave. 27:28 When she said that something in me snapped. 27:31 I reached over her and grabbed my SKS rifle, 27:33 laid on my stomach, pushed the barrel up under my chin 27:36 and thought man this is it, I'm going to blow my head off. 27:38 This dope has robbed me of everything. 27:40 She screamed and reached over to grab the barrel 27:42 out from under my chin, but before she could grab it, 27:44 I pulled the trigger. 27:45 The bullet went in me here and came out between 27:47 my eyes breaking every bone in my face except 27:49 my left eye socket. 27:50 It blowed my nose off, all my front teeth out, 27:53 but I didn't pass out. 27:56 I remember hearing the gun blast, I felt my face fall 27:59 apart, because Meth is such a strong stimulant it kept 28:02 me awake during all of that. 28:04 I fell off the bed onto the floor, my wife went to 28:07 screaming and my kids came running back to the bedroom 28:11 Your entire face laid on the floor too. 28:13 Yeah and I'm laying face down trying to hold my 28:15 face together, I thought the whole front of my face 28:18 had actually blown off, it's what felt like. 28:20 What I remember, what really haunts me, it's my kids. 28:24 I still remember my boy David jumping up and down in a circle 28:29 throwing his hands like this, of course I couldn't see 28:31 him, but screaming daddies dead, daddy's dead. 28:35 I told my wife I was sorry, I said, I'm sorry. 28:39 I told my wife I was sorry, I said, don't let the kids see me. 28:43 What I meant is don't let them see my face, she kept 28:46 trying to pull my hands away to see how bad it was. 28:50 I would never let her see my face and she ran a got 28:54 the telephone and called 911. 28:55 The next thing I know my mom is standing over the top 28:58 of me, my kids had called her wanting her to come down 29:01 there because we were fighting again. 29:02 My mother was standing over top of me screaming and 29:05 crying, yelling why did you do that? 29:07 I told my mom I was sorry I don't know and that's 29:09 what I thought laying on the floor. 29:11 I thought about why did you do that? 29:13 I had everything a man could ask for, a good job, 29:16 a beautiful wife and kids, but I was miserable from 29:20 years of drug addiction that just started out 29:22 smoking a joint and drinking a beer. 29:23 I never dreamed I would grow up and be 29:25 a drug addict and alcoholic. 29:26 Cheri: exactly and that it would end like this. 29:29 We are going to take a break, but one thing I want 29:32 to say is that it didn't end like that, it didn't. 29:36 And as crazy as we get, as crazy as we get in our 29:40 addictions, I want to kiss God on the face because He 29:44 says, you know what, and He said to David that day it's 29:47 not going to end like this for you or for your children. 29:50 We are going to come right back and find out. 29:52 What did God do, What happened? What happened next? 29:56 It's amazing, It's actually a good ending, 29:59 which sounds crazy to say right now, 30:01 but it is a good ending stay with us. 30:03 We will be right back! |
Revised 2014-12-17