Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Jasahn Larsosa, Johanahn Larsosa
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000105A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior. 00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:06 may be too candid for younger children. 00:10 Welcome to "Celebrating the Life in Recovery." 00:12 I'm Cheri, your host. 00:13 And I'd like you to come in 00:15 and meet a couple of friends of mine 00:16 that have come up from the hood 00:18 and are now reaching into the lives 00:20 of their community and changing everything. 00:52 Welcome back. 00:53 You know, this season we're looking at 00:55 all of the things that God does along our journey. 00:59 In recovery, there's a stage called maintenance 01:01 like after we get off of drugs, get off alcohol, 01:05 get off all that kind of stuff. 01:06 And He repairs our liver, our minds, our body, 01:10 our characters and all of that junk. 01:13 And I'm so proud of God when He does that. 01:15 Right now, I wanna go jump right into the interview 01:18 because I have a couple of people 01:20 I want you to meet. 01:21 And I think it's gonna take a while 01:23 to kind of flush out the story 01:24 and where God is brought you from and led you to. 01:28 And, Jasahn, I first want to say, 01:31 man, it is good to have you on the program. 01:33 Twin brother, Han, 01:35 it's good to have you on the program 01:36 and we've seen you before. Yes. You've been here before. 01:39 And so I'm gonna ask you to tell us about your ministry, 01:44 but before we get there 01:47 who are you and where did you come from? 01:49 Well, I'm the third son of a single mother in Detroit, 01:54 a twin brother and uncle. 01:57 Twin brother older or younger? 01:58 I'm the youngest. Yeah. 02:00 And you're three minutes older, right? 02:01 Yes, three whole minutes. 02:02 I love that 'cause when I asked you 02:04 that before it's like no, no, 02:05 I'm older by three minutes. Three whole minutes. 02:08 There he got me. Yeah. 02:09 And I met you guys in Detroit. 02:11 So you're from Detroit originally, 02:13 single mom, mom raised you. She did. Yeah. 02:16 Tried the best she could without the help of our father. 02:20 Where was your dad? 02:22 I don't know if I ever got that. Yeah, he's still around. 02:24 You know, he's not around us. 02:27 But not involved in your life at all growing up. 02:29 Somewhat, from what I understand he used to send checks. 02:33 I think once a month to help with the rent 02:35 and whenever he felt like 02:37 making more kids he comes to my mother. 02:39 And you know she loved this guy. 02:41 He is the only guy that she ever loved. 02:42 He just, you know, he never married her. 02:46 And so now-- so with all of that going on, 02:50 you jumped into a kind of crazy lifestyle, 02:53 pretty young? Yeah, we did. 02:55 And I think that probably it wasn't crazy to us. 02:59 Probably the craziest thing that we did, 03:01 pretty young we still, we in high school. 03:04 Before that we sold candy and cool eggs. 03:09 The cool egg mixed in with the sugar. 03:11 And, you know, just to bring in an extra couple of bucks. 03:14 You know, so we understood early on, 03:16 since we didn't have a lot, 03:17 the smart thing was to try to be entrepreneurial and so-- 03:21 But it started out with candy, cool egg that kind of stuff. 03:23 Yeah, started on, you know, we go to the gas station 03:25 or the penny store before school get some blow pops for 10 cents. 03:30 Get to school sell them for 50 cents a piece. 03:32 You know, all in a book bag 03:33 pull it out in class and try to hurry up 03:35 and get all the money before the teachers came in 03:36 and caught or whatever. 03:38 So you were businessman, really early. 03:40 I always see it the way was easy. 03:42 You know, it's just a matter of meeting the demand, 03:44 they wanted the candy and they pay for it, that's all. Yeah. 03:47 Yeah, we had it. That is funny. 03:49 They could have got it, but they didn't. 03:50 So we bought it in. Did you? 03:54 Where did you learn now-- 03:55 was it just stuff that people in the neighborhood? 03:57 I mean it was like everybody was kind of-- 03:59 I mean where would you learn that? 04:01 My mother was kind of a genius. You know, in a simple way. Yeah. 04:03 She would say sell candy. 04:04 And we would think that would never work. 04:06 They can go to the gas station to get candy for a dime. Yeah. 04:08 But they didn't and so we would get the blow pop for a dime. 04:11 We had the-- I guess the way we thought it up, 04:13 to pack it in our book bags and, you know, 04:16 sell it before class. Yeah. 04:17 For 50 cents a pop, it worked, you know, it wasn't hard at all. 04:21 You just had to-- I guess be brave enough 04:23 to be able to take that risk and do it. 04:26 You know, so the same skill and where we thought transferred 04:30 over into drugs when we entered into that. 04:34 Into high school. Yeah in that industry. 04:37 And so what was high school like and what? 04:39 You know, 'cause, you know, hearing your stories before 04:42 'cause we met in Detroit is that you were in some scary stuff. 04:46 Well, remember the first day in high school. I remember that. 04:49 I remember the first day in high school 'cause my mother, 04:52 you know, like he said, 04:54 you know, she did the best she could. 04:55 So we couldn't go to the neighborhood high school, 04:58 so she sent us to a far off high school. 05:01 It's was just as bad though. 05:02 It's was just bad, but no, 05:04 I won't even say it was just as bad because you feel. 05:06 You tend to feel more comfortable 05:08 in your neighborhood. Yeah. 05:09 You feel little bit more relaxed. Yeah. 05:11 So I guess she knew that 05:12 so she sent us to another public school, 05:14 it was Murray-Wright. Instead of Mackenzie. 05:16 And it was a little farther away from, 05:19 you know, the neighborhood school. 05:20 And I remember the first day I was getting off that bus. 05:25 And I remember Jase telling me, 05:27 he was like, he looked at me with a serious face 05:29 and said Han, its going to be hard. 05:33 And I'm thinking like. 05:35 I didn't look at it like that, you know, we're in ninth grade, 05:37 it's just going to be whole lot. 05:39 It's going to be a whole lot of us so. 05:41 You were scared? 05:42 Yeah, I was scared, 05:44 but I knew it was a lot-- when I was scared. 05:45 So this is-- And you were 13? 05:46 Right. Everybody looks like 17. 05:48 And I don't know anybody and people have kind of hung out 05:50 with each other and they know each other. Yeah. 05:52 And I'm taking a bus and jumping 05:53 into your guy's territory. Yes. 05:56 But you know, can you explain that to us? 05:59 Because I know I've talked about that on the program 06:01 before is that in some places territory is a big deal. Yeah. 06:05 Territory is everything. 06:07 You know, especially, you know, when you're in a city 06:09 or in an environment 06:10 where nobody has anything. You don't own anything. 06:13 You don't own the house you grew up in. 06:15 and so people still take ownership. 06:17 And it's everything, you know, this is ours, 06:20 what you are doing here? This is my block. 06:21 As you're walking down the street. 06:23 This is my block. This is my street. 06:24 Yeah this is my girls--you know, this is my school. And so-- 06:29 So now mom is trying to get you not to where you guys 06:32 are going to jump into all kinds of bad stuff. 06:34 She said maybe if I send them to a different school, 06:36 it would be better. 06:37 I think the problem and the reason was that the reputation 06:39 of our neighborhood school McKenzie, 06:41 you know, it was always horror stories 06:42 about bodies floating in the pools. 06:45 And people being killed and so she just, 06:47 you know, I think she just thought 06:49 that Mackenzie was altogether worse. 06:51 I don't even know that. 06:52 You know, my brother suggested it, 06:53 maybe taken us out of our element will make it 06:56 a little more hopeful for us. And there are some people-- 06:57 But I don't know if that was the case. 06:59 In environment, will say 07:01 what are they talking about at high school. 07:03 But I've seen high school with razor wire 07:06 around the school so that you can't get in or get out. 07:08 The fencing is barred up. Yeah. 07:09 Or you go through metal detectors to come in.i 07:11 Police department is inside the high school, yeah. 07:13 So you're not bringing guns or knives. 07:14 We took them in anyway. Yeah. Yeah. 07:16 But I mean you have all that stuff. 07:18 It is a war zone sometimes 07:20 and I think that unless you've seen it. 07:23 It's kind of mind-boggling. Yeah. 07:26 And so you're now 13 07:27 stepping into a whole another thing 07:29 and saying, I love that. 07:30 It's you know, it's gonna be tough. 07:33 It's going to be hard. 07:34 He tells me about that story, 07:36 you know, even today. So now-- 07:37 Now we're meeting on T.V. So how did you do? 07:40 Like you get in 07:42 and you have to kind of make your place. 07:45 Yeah, so I think that we found really quickly he was right, 07:49 that there were more people like us 07:51 young people who were also afraid and so we had. 07:54 We got comfortable pretty quick. 07:56 We got pretty popular with the other guys pretty quick. 08:00 Probably because we were twins and that's novel. 08:02 But also because 08:04 much when he is my older brother as well. 08:06 He's kind of a man's man and so he attracted guys. 08:09 It was more that provide all that sense of-- 08:14 he carried it. Yeah. And so. 08:16 When I first met him he carried it. Yeah. 08:18 It's just so, you know, I could see you even at 13, 08:21 just be going like, okay, we're just doing, 08:23 what we got to do. Yeah. We're gonna be all right. 08:25 And we earned a reputation pretty quick through violence. 08:29 It was just random acts of violence. 08:30 So when you talk about violence, 08:31 what does it that look like? What do you mean? 08:33 So you know, we are 13 or 14 years old 08:36 and he tried public schools. 08:38 They had a system 08:39 and this has been decades going out, 08:41 but they pass out this bus passes I'm sure. 08:43 They do that everywhere. 08:46 And so it would cost you $5 to begin at a school year 08:49 or maybe they give to you for free, 08:50 but if you lost it, you have to pay $5. 08:52 But who had $5 and so we lose them all the time 08:54 and so, you know, every time one of us 08:56 somebody although click lost a bus pass, 08:59 you know, who was the lucky candidate 09:01 to turning his buss pass to one of us and so. 09:03 So you would literally say give me yours. Yeah. 09:06 And so or, you know, find some other excuse to-- 09:08 Yeah, give us the pass. 09:10 He would say no and so we beat them up. 09:13 Or may be everybody had a bus pass, 09:15 but maybe he was bored 09:17 and you know, wanted to pick a fight 09:19 and so he would often times 09:21 and the rest of us would jump in. 09:23 Just jump in and so being able to say is that from early on, 09:28 it's like you established yourself. Yeah. 09:30 You were established. 09:32 Did you ever jump in like when people say gangs 09:34 and all that kind of stuff? 09:35 Did you ever jump in to an actual gang? 09:37 Kind of, yes and no. 09:38 We were affiliated and I could-- I remember how it happened. 09:41 We would ride home from school 09:43 from Murray-Wright back into our neighborhood. 09:45 The Grand River bus and we were with a friend. 09:48 I remember, his name was Marcus, you remember, Marcus? 09:50 He had a brown kangol. I know everything about gangs. 09:53 And he was wearing his hat to the right. 09:55 And I saw something we were waiting on, 09:58 we were transferring buses. 10:00 And we were waiting on the next bus to come. 10:01 And we were sitting and we saw some guys, about 8 or 12 guys. 10:05 And one of them, we had gone to middle school with, 10:08 but he was different. You know, people change in a year or two. 10:11 And you know, he looked different. 10:13 He dressed different. His demeanor was different. 10:14 He was walking with this group of guys 10:17 and they walked by us and we kind of nodded, 10:19 nodded back and then they kind of lingered. 10:21 You know, down a block or so and then they came back. 10:24 And they would maybe seem to be deliberate and then 10:26 out of nowhere they jumped the guy we were with. 10:29 And so you know, out of instinct we jumped in his way. 10:31 You know, what's going on, 10:33 but so we are having this fight with these guys. 10:35 And one of them shouted out 10:38 "bend the hat to the left, next time." 10:40 and what is that like. 10:42 I didn't even know what that means. 10:44 Right, so we researched it. And so--Yeah. 10:45 Started you know, automatically after that anything 10:47 that had anything to do with bring your hat to the left. 10:50 You know, that was my sworn enemy 10:52 and so, you know, as I learned more about gangs, 10:54 we became more affiliated with. 10:56 'Cause, well, a lot things The opposite today. 10:58 A lot of things mean something. 11:00 You know, how you wear your hat? 11:01 What color you put on? Yeah. 11:02 All that kind of stuff there is a lot of-- 11:04 So it was Vice Lords. What we learned later on. 11:06 And so on we became you know, 11:08 more connected to gangs to disciples of folks 11:11 and it's just by default that experience on Grand River, 11:16 that afternoon so-- 11:18 And so how did your life go from there? 11:20 'Cause I, you know, I've heard like Han, 11:23 I've heard your story, cause you were on last week. 11:25 And I heard you talk about, 11:26 you know, you really kind of became that guy 11:29 and started dealing in all that stuff. 11:31 Did you follow in his footsteps, 11:33 did you--were you guys kind of always together? 11:36 No, actually, no, we weren't. I mean we're always together, 11:40 but we weren't always into the same stuff. 11:43 He was kind of a-- he was more of an Esau 11:45 and I was kind of a Jacob 11:47 and so, you know I was more quiet to myself, reserved. 11:49 But, you know, struggled to keep up with what he was into. 11:52 You know, when he was climbing trees 11:54 I was afraid of heights. 11:55 When he was wrestling I don't want to be 11:56 put in hair lock, claustrophobic. 11:58 And you know, when he was playing basketball 11:59 I somehow missed that gene. 12:01 You know, I would hangout with the girls down the street. 12:02 So um, but at the same time 12:04 we still in the neighborhood full of guys 12:06 and so he had to figure out how to make that work for me. 12:09 And so I did. 12:12 You did and so you jump into gangs. 12:16 You start doing all that kind of stuff dealing, 12:18 you're doing some of that. 12:21 And I asked that when Han was on the program 12:24 I asked, you know, was there any spiritual leading. 12:27 Did you feel like at all that during that time 12:30 that God was involved in anyway? 12:32 With him, no I don't think, right. 12:34 You didn't know God at all. All my life. 12:36 You know, all my life I felt a call on my life ah-- 12:40 you know, my mother would-- it was four boys. 12:44 That's why it's working for. 12:46 And she would read us to, 12:47 you know, the Bible stories to us. 12:49 And it always resonated with me. 12:51 But I did, you know, I don't know 12:53 how to hit with my older brothers. 12:54 But you know, so that's something 12:56 that I struggled with as we began 12:58 to more fit to something different. Right. 13:00 You know, this struggle between 13:02 you know, what I felt I was to be 13:04 and you know, what I felt I needed to become 13:07 in order to keep up with where I was. 13:09 Exactly in the neighborhood. Right. 13:11 So your mom died young? She did. 13:15 Talk about that. I wasn't there. Where were you? 13:20 Ah, so I got in trouble early on. 13:23 So go figure he was in my mind he was the bad guy. 13:27 But I was the one always in trouble 13:29 and so I have been with some guys 13:32 and we-- it was an early dismissal. 13:35 I'd already been kicked out of the original high school. 13:38 And I had to go to the alternative-- 13:39 Because of the violence? 13:41 Because of violence and a lot of stuff, 13:42 some of stuff I hadn't even been guilty of. 13:44 I didn't even know what the true stories were, 13:46 but, you know, I got suspended a lot. 13:48 We both did. 13:49 And at the end of the year, 13:50 I remember being expelled from all Detroit public schools. 13:52 And we have to go through a process to get me 13:55 and put in the military academy. 13:56 Say that again all Detroit public schools. 13:59 Yeah, we are talking dozens of schools. 14:00 So I can't go to any of them. 14:01 Yeah, and in Detroit what's really funny is 14:04 when you say that I'm thinking 14:05 there's some hard core folks in there. Yeah. 14:07 And yet they are saying to you 14:08 we don't want you coming back. Right. 14:10 You know, you're selling drugs. You're beating people up. 14:13 You're always in trouble and we want you gone. Okay. 14:16 It was like the last week of school, 14:18 maybe the last day. 14:19 And they found some weapons in my locker that are, 14:21 you know, they've been all school year. 14:23 And I whispered to a guy, 14:25 one of the guys we hung with and told him. 14:27 I gave him my combination and told him go get the 14:29 weapons out of my locker. I don't want them to leave them. 14:31 And the security guards watching us 14:34 and so he follows into my locker and when he opens it up 14:36 and takes the weapons out. 14:38 He follows us back and he takes us and you know, 14:39 they put us in custody. Can you share with us? 14:42 Cause I know that we're gonna talk about 14:44 who you are in ministry, but can you share with us 14:48 what that's like to take weapons to school. 14:51 The other kids know that you have weapons. 14:53 And so, you know, 14:55 can you share what does that feel like? 'Cause-- 14:58 Normal, you know, everybody has got weapons. 14:59 And so you need to have some weapons, 15:01 'cause everybody has got them. Right. 15:03 And so you quickly pick up a habit. 15:06 You know, it doesn't feel right not to have weapons. 15:08 You don't feel safe. You don't' feel safe at all. 15:10 So the trick is to get them in the schools. 15:11 You don't have to go through it again. 15:13 So you find creative ways to beat the metal detectors. 15:15 And you know, whether it's stuffing, 15:16 stuff in the bottom of your shoe or you know, 15:19 getting through the metal detectors 15:20 and then you know, sneaking somebody in the side 15:22 door with something. 15:23 And once you get it in a locker and you throw a lock on 15:25 and it's nobody's locker 15:27 or something and then you're safe. 15:28 But, you know, it's normal if you don't have a weapon-- 15:30 you're a bit exposed and vulnerable. 15:32 Can I-- there are people that I know 15:35 that are going to the high school 15:37 that are joining you and all that kind of stuff 15:39 that aren't involved in any of that, 15:41 but they know that all of that's around them. Right. 15:45 And to me that's kind of an odd thing too 15:47 is that you've got all of that happening in one school 15:50 and this is school. Right. 15:52 Somewhere in the middle of that its education. 15:55 Yeah. It's crazy to me. Yeah. So you're in the middle of that. 15:59 They kick you out and send you to a-- 16:02 Charles C. Rogers military academy-- That's fine. 16:03 Which my mother wanted me to get in so. 16:05 She wanted me in the school. 16:07 And this is in the middle of the another project. 16:08 And so what did you say to him. 16:10 When you knew he was gonna go to military. 16:12 I could see you just teasing him. 16:13 It's just terrible. 16:15 Yeah, I did it was funny too 'cause, 16:17 you know, it wasn't like, you know, like he said, 16:19 I felt like you know, I was getting into a lot of stuffing. 16:22 You know, he just always used to fall short. 16:24 And the things that we did so, 16:25 when he got sent to military academy 16:27 it was kind of hilarious to me 'cause we continued to do 16:30 the same old stuff that we was doing 16:32 and while he was sent somewhere else. 16:35 I was hanging with the same people there. 16:36 And we get in same amount of trouble. 16:38 Is that the first time that you guys were split up? 16:41 The first time we got split up was in kindergarten. 16:46 In kindergarten. It was so. 16:50 No, you got to tell us that story now. 16:53 The kindergarten teacher used to ask me questions. 16:56 You know, he would always answer them. Yeah, yeah. 16:58 And so they said you guys are sitting 17:00 on the other side of room. Yeah, I was too slow. 17:01 So let him go figure it out. That's funny. 17:05 And he put me in the afternoon 17:07 because he would always answer questions 17:09 whenever they asked. That is funny. And it's just so. 17:11 'Cause you know, it's really interesting 17:13 when I'm listening to both of you 17:15 and listening your story is that. 17:18 And you did have a lot of leadership in the family. 17:23 Ah, you just went into direction that was pretty intense. 17:26 But the leadership was from him. 17:28 Although we had an older brother, 17:31 but that he was somebody 17:33 he was different in his own right. 17:36 He started losing his hair early. 17:37 And I think and when he was nine. 17:39 Yeah, when he was nine. 17:40 Yeah, he has a condition called Alopecia, 17:42 I don't know if it's Latin or what, I don't know. 17:46 And so he was always to himself kind of quiet 17:48 and he never took the kind of rot that we took 17:50 and so it was like living in different worlds. 17:53 Didn't he grab you guys to pull you back sometimes? 17:59 No, I don't think. 18:00 Okay, so you're now in military school. 18:03 You guys are separated. Yeah. 18:05 What happened next for you? 18:07 So you know in the military academy, 18:09 you know, you asked about why I wasn't present 18:11 when my mother passed away. 18:13 It's so I got-- 18:16 was runaway with some kids in the military academy 18:18 and we robbed a guy. 18:20 I got charged, I'm 16 at this time. 18:23 And so they waive me up as an adult. 18:25 I get sent off, 18:27 but they sent me to a juvenile facility 18:30 through adult court. Okay. And so I'm away for a year. 18:34 And when I come home. 18:36 So I start school because I graduated high school. 18:40 And I'm working at this complex and that didn't seem to workout. 18:43 You know, I have been away for so long 18:44 for the first time in my life 18:46 and only dream about being home again. 18:48 And so now I'm still away. I'm in college now. 18:50 And I'm working for this trans company at the complex 18:54 that I had-- from which I had just graduated. 18:56 Just hovering hymn services. 18:58 So I graduated the program, 18:59 I go to prom and I come back a week later 19:01 and I'm employee 19:02 and I'm working with the same guys 19:04 that I had just been serving time with. 19:05 And I'm their counselor and it was kind of weird. 19:07 It was kind of intense. It was too mature for me. Right. 19:09 And so I went back home. 19:10 And I think that already 19:12 he may have been exploring drugs a little bit. 19:15 But my thinking was that I could, you know, 19:16 from doing positive up here. 19:18 And I was in Bay City at the time Michigan. 19:20 I could take that home. It didn't work that way. 19:22 And bring that, that whole positive thing. Yeah. 19:24 'Cause you're life is actually turning around. Yeah. A bit. 19:28 Yeah, but I think a little bit before my time 19:30 and a little bit too much too soon for me. 19:32 And so I went back home 19:35 and things just didn't workout real well. 19:37 You know, he was in his some stuff. 19:39 And so I got shot and this is in 1998 19:42 because of a beefy hair 19:45 with some guys from another neighborhood. 19:49 I think it's interesting that you're from such a place 19:52 that you can smile and laugh and say 19:54 and I got charged and it's kind of normal. 19:56 And it was never like the way he got shot. 19:57 I got some buck shots. You know, so we would cry. 19:59 Oh, bleeding to death. You stink. 20:02 You smell like a dead body 20:04 'cause it's the so much blood, blood. Now it's nothing. 20:06 But in that environment to had be shot at 20:09 or to be stabbed or come against that, 20:11 that is kind of something that you just get up 20:14 and get up, do the next thing. Right. 20:17 And so the next thing was to explore the drug trade 20:20 because the whole work thing 20:22 and the college thing didn't workout for me in Detroit. 20:24 And so I turned out to drug thing, 20:27 didn't neither in Detroit 20:28 and my mother and I, we had some friction 20:30 and she didn't want me there. 20:32 She wanted me back where I had come, 20:33 from where I had come, 20:35 'cause this wasn't where she wanted me. 20:37 And so she didn't want me in the house and so I left. 20:40 And I went through some really difficult times then 20:43 and pretty desperate. 20:45 That's why I ended up, hooking up with some guys 20:48 and going out of state. 20:49 And learning a whole lot more about the drug trade. 20:52 Survival. Yeah, and the drug trade. 20:54 And but it-- really quickly because 20:56 really quickly I you know, it ramps up 20:59 when you take it to another place and the-- 21:01 And so what is that other place? It was Kentucky. 21:05 Now when you take it to the other place. 21:07 So you literally are like you're selling in high school, 21:11 you're playing around with weed and whatever. 21:13 And when you say you ramp it up or take it to another place. 21:16 What does that mean? Yeah. 21:17 Okay, so change of the place was-- 21:19 that's geographic, that was literal. Okay. 21:20 So you know, we literally 21:21 went through a small town of Kentucky called Lexington. 21:23 And I learned more about the drug trade 21:25 and it was cocaine and a little bit of heroin. 21:26 And this was before heroin was popular again. 21:28 It already phased out. 21:29 Crack was popular and nobody was using heroin, 21:32 especially in Lexington, Kentucky. Right. 21:34 And so it didn't take long for law enforcement to be on to us. 21:37 And I was one of the first people to get busted. 21:39 You know, it's just my luck 21:40 and my little brother was sick, he's diabetic. 21:44 And he had an injury on his eye 21:45 and he had to test out things quickly. 21:47 And it was infected 21:49 and so they had him in the hospital. 21:50 And I would call home. And this is back in Detroit. 21:52 This was in Detroit in 1998. 21:54 So I'm sitting in county jail in Lexington, 21:55 Kentucky, Fayette County. 21:57 And so I'm calling home 22:00 and I'm talking to my grandmother. 22:01 You know, about every other day or so, 22:03 to check on the status of my little brother. 22:05 And she'd be like-- Oh, he's still in hospital. 22:07 And I wanted to talk to my mother as well because 22:10 there's some things we needed to tie up. 22:12 And the last time I called, this was October the 2nd of 1998 22:18 and I was talking to my grandmother. 22:20 We called her grano. It's my mother's mother. 22:23 And she said, I asked her about my little brother. 22:26 You know, it was a ritual conversation and then she says. 22:28 As grano says, "Jase, 22:30 I want you to stay with me when you come home. 22:32 And I was, you know, okay, grano 22:34 and I said is Joel out of the hospital? 22:36 That's my little brother. 22:38 And she said, yeah, Joel is out of the hospital. 22:40 And then she says, I'll never forget she said. 22:42 Now Jase I have something to tell you. 22:44 And I said, okay. 22:46 And she said and it's shocking to me now 22:48 and I'm thinking about it. 22:49 As it was then, this was you know, 22:51 many years ago over a decade ago. 22:53 She said your mother passed away. 22:57 That's what she said. And then I said what? 23:02 Yeah. And you know-- 23:04 Like what are you talking about? 23:05 What do you mean? Yeah. Yeah. 23:08 And so while I'm getting pieces of the story later. 23:12 What in fact that happened, 23:13 you know, she had high blood pressure. 23:15 Hmm, but what did you feel at that moment 23:16 'cause you're now saying, you know, 23:19 I didn't wrap that stuff up. 23:21 I didn't, you know, 23:23 so you're not gonna be able do that kind of thing 23:25 and so what were you feeling 23:26 sitting in jail and hearing that. 23:29 So of course, instant grief 23:32 and shock and you know disbelief. 23:35 And it's funny you ask about then, 23:36 because this is, was this 2012 it's been 23:39 14 years almost. Yeah. 23:41 And I still feel the same things today. 23:43 You know this I guess that's something that 23:47 maybe I'll always deal with, you know, that same disbeliefs. 23:50 I have dreams to this day that she'll walk into a room. 23:54 I think that if-- I told somebody, 23:55 they told me to stop saying it out loud. 23:57 If somebody told me today, ah, your mother was spotted, 24:01 I would believe him. And I would wanna see her. 24:04 And so you know, I thought that then. 24:06 And you know I didn't get to see her buried 24:08 and so I feel that today.i 24:09 What kind of changes did that make in your life? 24:14 You know, when you lose your mother, 24:15 there's a void, you know, 24:21 that can never be, never be filled. Right. 24:26 And so you-- did your life 24:28 continue to spiral out, out of control? 24:31 Did you pick it up and step into recovery? 24:36 I mean, was there anything 24:37 that you said that during that time. 24:40 It got better, it got worse. 24:42 It got extremely worse 24:44 and so life was a big haste at that time. 24:47 You know, I'm sitting in the county jail. 24:49 And then I'm sent to prison 24:52 and, you know, every night was the same dream 24:55 or every day, you know, all you do is 24:56 sleep in the county jail. 24:57 And so the same dream would be either 24:59 she was about to die or she'd just died 25:02 or she's walking to a room, 25:03 or she's already walking to this room. 25:05 And now this was the same recurring dream 25:07 every single night. 25:08 And so I think a part of me, well, all of me. 25:12 For the most of me was trying not to fall apart. 25:17 Whatever that looked like, I just felt like 25:18 I was probably about to fall apart, 25:20 you know, literally unravel. And-- 25:22 We gonna ahead and take a break, 25:25 but what's really gonna be interesting to me 25:27 is to be able to see how God stepped into that situation 25:34 and stood you up, 'cause I know you have a powerful ministry. 25:37 And right now my heart is breaking 25:39 for that boy that is sitting in jail 25:44 trying to just deal with that kind of grief. 25:46 And we'll be right back, stay with us. |
Revised 2014-12-17