Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Tracy Hammond
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000118B
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior. 00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:06 may be too candid for younger children. 00:16 During the break Bonnie at the cafe 00:19 said that she sees sometimes that demonic activity 00:23 as if it's happening only in the deepest, darkest 00:25 jungle somewhere in a tribal group. 00:28 And you see it really clearly that there 00:30 but it sometimes in major cities 00:32 or in places like the US it's just more sophisticated. 00:36 When you talk-- In Jesus time 00:38 there was a thing where He sent out the 70s 00:40 and they came back and they said, man, 00:42 I cannot believe it. 00:44 Even the demons have to listen to us 00:46 and are being called out. 00:48 And Jesus said, don't' be surprised about that, 00:51 be fuller joy that your name is written in the book of life. 00:54 You know we talked about Tracy, 00:56 the guy that was filled with the 1,000 demons, 00:58 you know they're demoniac. 00:59 He's cutting up himself and he's beating people up 01:02 and he's living in a cemetery and he's really out of control, 01:05 crazy, can't even speak for himself. 01:08 Yet when Jesus pulls the demons out 01:09 he was in his right mind for the first time ever. 01:13 And so we really don't take into account 01:15 that there's that activity going around 01:17 but you lived it, you know it's true. 01:19 Yes, I do. 01:20 In fact I raided myself against that guy many times. 01:22 I said, am I like as bad as the guy in the cemetery, 01:25 the demoniac and running around with no cloths, 01:27 check, shouting out loudly, 01:29 check and I was almost cutting myself. 01:31 There was all sorts of wounds all over my body 01:33 by the end of meth binge. 01:36 And there was many times I read in the Bible 01:38 where Jesus would cast something out 01:40 and the people weren't amazed that the demon was there, 01:43 they are amazed that they had the power to-- 01:44 that they were cast out. 01:46 There was many times where I would fall asleep 01:49 trying to sleep with the demons all around me, 01:51 knowing they are all around 01:52 and I was just scared out of my mind. 01:54 I'd fully dressed, all the lights on in the house 01:56 and 3ABN on and that was my lifeline, 01:58 it saved my life. 02:00 I swear to you, I promise to you that it did. 02:02 There will be time that I'd be praying to God, 02:04 take away these things crawling on my body 02:06 because days after sobering up I would still feel them 02:09 moving around and causing trouble. 02:12 And I'd say, how long, God, 02:13 how long will I have these things on me? 02:14 And I would receive the answer 02:19 through 3ABN and through the Bible. 02:21 At one time I was asleep in the middle of the night, 02:23 nightmares of, you know, 02:26 bad things of demons impressing into my face, 02:28 beautiful faces with pitch black eyes, 02:30 smiling hideous grins and holding my-- 02:32 I wake up and I'd be stifle, I couldn't breath, 02:34 I was being stifle and I have to yell, get off of me and-- 02:37 And Jesus' name. 02:38 And Jesus' name and then I would hear scripture, 02:41 I woke up from a middle of dead sleep 02:44 and I heard scripture, "If you search for me 02:46 with all of your heart you will find me." 02:47 I believe it was John Lomacang 02:48 was just reading from the Bible. 02:50 And then also-- 02:51 and I knew right then Holy Spirit inspired, 02:52 he said that-- this is an answer for you, 02:54 you search for me with all your heart. 02:56 And so I was casting demons out, 02:58 trying to the day after I was still high 03:00 and I said, hey, if in case you didn't noticed it 03:03 I'm resisting you, get out of here, you know. 03:06 The Bible says. Yeah, the Bible says. 03:08 And yet they would still be toying with me 03:10 and I was wondering why and-- 03:11 Resist the devil and he will flee from you, the Bible says. 03:13 Yeah, I said that and I thought, 03:15 hey, resist and flee, what about this. 03:16 And so I looked it up and it says, James 4:7-- 03:19 You know what, the only thing, I just have to say, 03:21 the only thing I forget to say for you, 03:23 resist the devil, don't do meth-- 03:26 Never, that part. 03:27 You know, it's just like-- 03:29 You know-- But we do-- 03:31 we start to do the resist, 03:32 we start to do all that kind of stuff 03:34 but we're still online porn, we're still doing meth, 03:37 we're still beating our spouse, 03:39 we're still doing all that kind of stuff 03:41 and there is a point where God says, 03:43 you know what, I am gonna have to ask you 03:45 to do this behavioral change 03:46 because without the behavioral change 03:48 you giving this territory to the devil. 03:50 And so what was that change for you 03:52 because eventually you had to hear that? 03:54 That was it, that's what it was. 03:56 I was being double minded. 03:57 I was-- I planned on doing more drugs next week 03:59 and I was trying to cast the devil. 04:00 You can't do that when you are serving him a banquet 04:02 and then tell him to get out, he's not leaving. 04:05 I want to still do meth, I just don't want to be crazy. 04:07 Yeah, exactly. So can we make a deal here? 04:09 And the devil says, I don't make deals. 04:10 Don't make deals, I'll do whatever I want with my slaves. 04:12 And I remember, I praying to God so many times 04:14 you know, Lord, come now. 04:16 I don't care if I burn up now on your coming, 04:18 I'd rather burn out now than forever as an addict. 04:20 The devil's argument is this should be in heaven, 04:21 this is good, right? 04:22 It should be in heaven, it should be eternal. 04:23 I am like, God. 04:24 And so I said it loudly many times, 04:26 I'd rather die now than you know, 04:28 burn up on God's coming now than live forever in torment 04:32 and also prayed to God. 04:33 Eventually I realized you know what, this is just miserable, 04:37 I hate being and addict, I hated it. 04:40 I'd wake up and repent and feel horrible 04:42 and realize the hope in my life is gone, 04:43 hope is based in truth. 04:45 You don't-- well, I hope I don't get hit 04:46 by the rock heading towards me, 04:48 you can't have hope with that, hope is based in truth 04:50 and I knew a rock was headed right towards me. 04:52 As far as financially, the guys at work hating me-- 04:56 You were getting ready to lose everything. 04:58 Getting ready to lose everything. 04:59 It's surprising I still had my car working at all 05:02 and my house payments were getting 05:04 harder and harder to find. 05:06 And so I said to God, I prayed many different prayers 05:09 and when I said, just make me stop 05:12 and I realized he can't force me, 05:13 I would hate him if he forced me. 05:15 And then I said, I realize-- 05:16 You know, let's not go past that 05:18 because some people will say, 05:20 you know, just take it away from me or don't-- 05:23 like somebody, an alcoholic said, 05:26 you know, you turned water into wine, 05:28 can you do the reverse for me? 05:30 There you go. Yeah, right. 05:31 You know every time I pick it up 05:32 this alcohol becomes water. 05:34 Exactly. Do you know what I mean? 05:35 And it's like being able to say is that God says 05:38 I really need you to get to a place 05:41 where you understand this is bad for you 05:45 and then surrender to me and ask me 05:47 to give you strength to do that. 05:48 So it's like there's got to be our will 05:50 has to come involved in that. 05:51 We have to be able to say, 05:53 you know, as I was a heroin addict, 05:55 I have to stop picking up the needle. 05:57 Somebody that's a workaholic has to say 05:59 that I am going home at 5 o'clock 06:01 and not working all night. 06:02 Somebody that is cheating on their wives says, 06:04 I can't go to that motel with them. 06:06 You know, so it's like God says, 06:09 I need you to work with Me and see the wrong of this. 06:12 I need you to see the way the devil has you under control 06:15 so that you can start walking out. 06:16 And now you do that 06:18 and I promise you I am right there. 06:20 I am right there. Yeah. 06:21 That's what I found. 06:23 Bath salts became illegal 06:24 and I couldn't find meth anywhere 06:26 and I kept looking and I had the sense 06:28 that that God was hiding the meth from me 06:31 and I got very mad at Him. 06:33 And so I know for a fact that praying-- 06:34 This is not fair. 06:36 You can't just take it from me like that. 06:38 Guys would think I was a cop for some reason 06:40 in the middle of the deal and yeah. 06:42 Come on, you know You are blocking this for me. 06:44 And so I felt the sprit-- and so the God let me think 06:46 that way just for a moment to realize 06:48 I will be mad if he just made it, 06:49 so I couldn't get to the meth. 06:51 Now later when I got to the meth 06:54 and being able to say no to the meth 06:56 while it's right there, that's the true power of God. 06:58 The fact that we fall is obvious 07:00 as simple flesh craves to die 07:02 but the fact we stand up is because God is with us, 07:04 accompanying spirit of goodness and-- 07:07 So the pastor pray-- your mom prayed for you, 07:09 pastor's praying for you, you go into rehab. 07:12 I know it hasn't been a piece of cake from there 07:15 but when did the piece of God start coming in? 07:18 When did you feel you know what, 07:19 I think His protection and His strength 07:22 is bigger than this demonic stuff? 07:25 Yeah, that's-- 07:26 I had to get to a horrible spot in order to do that. 07:29 I prayed the prayer finally, 07:30 the Holy Spirit inspired me to pray a prayer. 07:31 You know we are not tapping into God's power, 07:33 you know, this is God almighty, the creator God. 07:36 He created everything with what? 07:37 Few words spoken. 07:38 All I has to do is say 07:39 the right words to change my heart, 07:41 to desire not to be an addict. 07:43 And so I prayed that prayer 07:44 two weeks before He finally answered it. 07:45 And He did answer it in an incredible series of events 07:48 where getting off of work one Friday, 07:52 I asked to get some drugs and I was so rock solid. 07:54 It just triggered my addiction button on turbo repeat. 07:57 I was so mad, I wasted all that time 07:59 getting home before I found it. 08:00 Went back in and got lot more drugs from a real drug dealer 08:04 and I binged clearly into Monday and Tuesday. 08:06 Normally by Monday and Tuesday I am sobering up 08:08 but Monday and Tuesday, fourth and fifth days 08:10 awake with no food or water, it was hell on wheels. 08:16 It was incredible. 08:17 I never had the delusions that I had. 08:18 Things were appearing and disappearing 08:20 out of my skin, 08:21 I would see things grab on to them, 08:23 I miss them and then they just disperse 08:25 and just horrible things going on with my mind 08:28 being handed over to the devil. 08:29 You are risking your very sanity at that point. 08:30 Yeah, yeah. 08:31 I realized-- I realized 08:33 when I saw that thing disappearing into hands 08:35 I realized I might-- my brain might crack 08:38 if I didn't believe that could happen. 08:39 I might just lose it completely right now 08:41 and I realize this is the spirits messing with me. 08:44 But still I had no control over when it would happen next-- 08:47 Let me just say for any addict because a lot of us are-- 08:51 we are so crazy deceived and a lot of us 08:55 don't realize that there are so many times 08:58 that God will give us a warning 08:59 that you are risking your very sanity. 09:02 You are taking the neuron-chemical 09:05 part of your brain that balances 09:08 so incredibly and you may tweak it 09:11 to the point you will to come back. 09:13 And God says, you know, 09:14 I am trying to get in front of you 09:15 and say stop, stop now, 09:17 I can't force you to stop, I can't wish you to stop, 09:20 I can't love you in this stopping 09:23 but please, pay attention and we'll beat this thing. 09:26 Yeah. 09:27 That's what it was too, God's love restored me 09:30 to sanity that very day. 09:32 I-- the house is just horribly filthy, 09:34 there is oil and disgusting things all over the place 09:37 and the cats are harried and harassed. 09:39 And I am just so weak from being awake so long. 09:40 You say I can handle this 09:41 but I am just so weak I just can't handle it. 09:44 And I am walking around the counter 09:45 and there's more on the horizon 09:47 then I was supposed to do more with this girl later 09:49 and I'd never been on that level 09:50 of adulterous stuff with dealer's daughter 09:53 and it was all set up by Satan as a king, 09:55 checkmate move and I couldn't say no to this, 09:58 you know, succubus girlfriend, what a wonderful deal. 10:01 No, God bless her, it's not her but the demon behind. 10:03 And so I walk around the corner in my filthy house 10:05 and I look at the top of my microwave, 10:07 it's a white microwave, 10:08 it's the only clean thing in my house. 10:09 I remember staring at that just hopeless, helpless. 10:12 I am supposed to go work in an hour 10:13 and I know I can't produce anything worth working 10:16 and I just-- I am horrified at everything around me. 10:19 And I hear a small voice, I hear the idea of God 10:22 I think later about, I think God was calling, 10:24 where are you, Guy, where are you? 10:28 The voice of God was clear and obvious to me 10:30 as a calm simple sound in the chaos around me, 10:33 it was obviously God and I felt still. 10:35 And I went God, I am dead, I reckon I have no hope. 10:40 There's no reason to hope. 10:42 I've got 50, half a gram more with me, 10:44 I am an addict, I can't have drugs 10:46 and not do them, I am going to end up 10:48 insane or dead or my cats will die. 10:51 He said, well, to repent you just have to 10:53 honestly draw near to Me, I'll draw near to you. 10:56 It takes two, it's not just you. 10:57 I said, two or three to repent too much, 10:58 I just-- will just take the smallest step, 11:01 you can take towards Me. 11:03 And there's a pile of magazines there 11:05 and I said, all right, I have nothing better to do, 11:07 I will try and I grab half a stack 11:09 and I head towards the garage 11:10 to go out to the garbage can. 11:12 I hear the devil chatting to me the things 11:14 he said before, yeah, throw those away, 11:16 you'll be in your own trash 11:18 by 4 o'clock tonight, I promise. 11:19 You'll be digging them back out. 11:20 You'll be digging them back out. 11:21 You know you have me for it, you'll do it again. 11:25 And that hurt and so I argued, 11:26 I said, you know 11:28 what I am only going to throw the things away 11:29 that I've looked at already, I'll save the rest 11:31 and I put them up on a shelf. 11:33 And that's-- I just had to keep going forward, 11:35 I know that's not for repentance 11:36 but I was so tattered, my mind was broke 11:38 and I head back into the garage, 11:40 back into the house and light is charging 11:43 into the corners of my future, I am taking the right steps, 11:46 kind of I am heading the right direction, 11:47 I feel in the angel world that angels of light 11:50 have permission to come in here, 11:52 come in here and there's light charging in around, 11:54 battle fronts are shifting, I can feel that. 11:56 And as I walk into the kitchen I hear the Holy Spirit say, 11:59 today is trash day, all the things 12:01 you throw away are going right 12:02 into the dump truck here in about an hour. 12:04 I am like, oh, yes. 12:06 And that gave me such hope, such joy, 12:07 I was-- that just kept me going 12:09 and so I walk in around and I started to wiping up 12:12 the oil on the floor and-- 12:14 Isn't God awesome in that way? 12:15 Isn't He great? 12:16 Because He just says, you know what, 12:17 Tracy, I love you and I promise you 12:20 this is different, this will be different. 12:22 Right now you made that baby step 12:24 and I will take it right to the dumpster. 12:26 Yeah. That was it. This was so different. 12:29 I could just feel it that I walked around 12:31 into the kitchen and in the living room 12:32 there was a dead mouse there, 12:33 ripped open and torn and disgusting 12:35 and I didn't know where it came from. 12:36 I've been there all night, 12:37 I don't know where it came from. 12:38 Trying to clean it up, it was almost impossible, 12:39 I know it was because it was grabbing on 12:42 and moving and it was horrible. 12:44 And I just poured soap and water on it, 12:46 I found that the evil creature don't like soap and water. 12:48 So I cleaned that up but it freaked me out so much. 12:51 And I realize, oh, I have 50 grams of drug, 12:53 what to do with those or half a gram drugs? 12:57 As I am stashing it in, I said, 12:58 well, I'll just sell it back to the dealer, 13:00 easy answer, you know. 13:02 A druggie answer. A druggie answer. 13:03 That's exactly what we would think 13:05 because you can't just dump it in a toilet. 13:07 No. You can't throw it away. 13:09 Well, you spent money that would be stupid. 13:12 And so-- 13:13 Well, you know what, for most addicts 13:14 you know what they will say, just put it in a cupboard 13:16 because you're gonna need that by 4 o'clock. 13:18 Yeah, that's the argument in the back of our head. 13:21 And I hear buzzers going off 13:23 which was the Holy Spirit saying, 13:25 there's two things wrong 13:26 with stuffing this into a baggie. 13:27 First, you don't put sin in a storage bag,, 13:29 that's like making a provision for the flesh 13:31 to fulfill luster all the scripture. 13:33 And the other one is if I have this past noon, 13:35 my heart will change 13:36 and I will do these drugs myself if I have them on me. 13:38 Absolutely. 13:40 And so I realize that but I have to just keep moving. 13:44 And so I go and I start wiping the oil in the floor 13:47 and I clean up the mouse guts, 13:48 that's actually when I did that. 13:50 As I come around the corner from cleaning up the mouse 13:52 I hear the Holy Spirit burst in, those drugs, 13:55 throw them away the sink is right over there. 13:57 Oh, okay. 13:58 And I grab on to it, I head towards the sink, 14:00 I had freedom over addiction at that moment, 14:03 for a moment until I got to the sink 14:04 and in that thought keep then in the carry 14:06 you gonna want them later and I hear myself shrieking 14:09 no, and I was seriously yelling at the top of my lungs. 14:11 Inside, oh. 14:12 No! I was seriously yelling to myself. 14:13 You literally yelling? 14:14 Yeah, I was in my and I couldn't throw it away. 14:17 I was hovering over the sink, should I throw them away, 14:19 should I wash them out, should I not 14:21 and as I think back about it I realize 14:22 that the angels of light were around my heart 14:25 and my free will, arm and arm length 14:27 saying hold the line, hold the line. 14:29 You know, we need free will right here. 14:31 And the demons are shrieking over the edge. 14:33 That is precious to us, do not throw that away. 14:35 This is the gold we drag and sit upon, 14:38 you know, inside from human flesh. 14:40 And so I hear the Holy Spirit say, God himself saying, 14:44 truly, would you give up heaven? 14:46 Would you go to hell for this half a gram meth? 14:48 And I couldn't answer-- Could you give your sanity up? 14:50 Give your sanity up? 14:51 And I couldn't answer because my mind was so rag 14:53 and I was like, well, if I can't throw it away 14:55 so I guess I would give up on Him. 14:57 And He said, well, aren't you in hell already? 15:00 That sentence right there was the answer to my prayer 15:03 because at that point I just broke into tear, 15:05 I washed the baggie out. 15:06 I was in hell already, I did not see that. 15:09 Seriously, I did not see I was in hell already 15:11 and it was something that I caused fulfilling 15:14 my will with drug, the great expectation of meth, 15:17 I was in hell with demons all round me. 15:20 So is that the worth keeping? No, I washed it out. 15:23 And I laughed till I cried and then I called the pastor 15:25 and we said prayers and seriously 15:28 God restored my sanity that day. 15:31 Even though I had incredible delusions at work, 15:33 I cannot define to this day why I was seeing the things 15:37 I was seeing, I thought clearly. 15:39 And for four months I was changed completely 15:44 to not even want to call the drug dealer 15:46 which is just a miracle. 15:47 Every weekend I was calling. 15:48 Nobody except for another addict 15:50 would say that's a miracle. 15:51 It is a miracle. 15:52 Yeah, it's a miracle 15:53 that I get in call every weekend. 15:55 God said, I am gonna give you a break, 15:57 I am going to give you some rest. 15:58 Yeah, He gave me a four month rest 16:00 that I knew people would say, 16:01 oh, you got to be careful and that, 16:02 you know, I was just changed. 16:05 And now-- of course now I daily battle, 16:08 I daily have to thank God and say, 16:10 I am glad I am sober, God. 16:12 I was hopeless, now I am so full of hope, you know. 16:15 I was wretched sin, pathetic 16:18 and I am not adulterous counseling, 16:21 you know, I love my wife now. 16:24 But yeah, everyday there's addictions. 16:26 In fact, this week when I heard I was coming on the show-- 16:28 Before we go there, before we go there 16:30 because I-- you know, 16:32 this struggle and giving up your will 16:34 when they come up is incredible and we'll get there. 16:37 But I want to know, tell me a day 16:41 beside the first day that when you finally flush 16:43 that drug I just-- my heart leaped for you 16:46 when you said that, that was so cool. 16:48 But what the peace look like 16:50 as it started coming into your home, 16:52 as your cats could rest? 16:54 See, that's the thing. 16:55 That's the first thing I think I'll chose. 16:57 I used to say I love you kitties, 16:58 I am sorry, it will get better, 17:00 because that's seemed just terrified 17:02 looking around, panic constantly. 17:03 And I realize to say, I love you to them 17:05 is to be sober it's not just the word. 17:07 Do I care for them? 17:08 And so in that way it just the peace 17:11 and the love, the environment 17:13 that was so scared with dirty things 17:15 now I was rebuilding over the top, healthy things. 17:18 You know it was wonderful 17:21 because I feel like, like you look all the time, 17:23 like the Cheri she's just insane but free. 17:26 She's a freed slave, she knows 17:28 how bad it can be and how wonderful it is to be free. 17:31 And the fact that we go to the same church 17:34 is I get to watch you walk in the door. 17:37 And I watched, man, I don't even know 17:39 if you going to want to share this 17:41 but I watched somebody come on to you one time in church. 17:43 Oh, yeah. And you did the right thing. 17:45 Really? 17:46 And I wanted to put thumps up, like-- 17:48 and I wanted to say to God, did you just see Tracy 17:51 because he did the right thing. 17:53 This person would have done anything just to get 17:55 `Your number and to get You to go, 17:57 do the next-- whatever and you just politely, 18:00 and kind of stepped away, went on-- 18:02 Thank God. Yeah. 18:04 But that is the only God that He contained our desires 18:07 that even when somebody throws himself out us 18:09 when somebody actually comes around 18:11 and offers us the same direction 18:14 or the same entrapment that the Holy Spirit says 18:17 don't put your hand in that trap. 18:19 Yeah, that's right. 18:20 Yeah. Don't do it. 18:21 That's the beauty of what God does for us. 18:23 Yeah. 18:24 That's, I am so thankful for what He's done for me. 18:26 That's true. It's absolutely amazing. 18:28 And I know at the cafe right now we have questions. 18:31 And so, Brad, you are from-- 18:35 you go to the same church as Tracy of course. 18:38 Right. 18:39 And do you have any questions for him, 18:41 any comments for him? 18:42 So, Tracy, I just want to say, 18:44 thanks so much for coming 18:45 and because I go to your church too, 18:47 it's been just a joy to listen to your testimony 18:51 and watch what's taking place in your life, 18:53 it's really-- it's just a blessing. 18:55 So it's really interesting, I would not have belief 18:59 in the demonic side of things 19:01 you know, early on in my life 19:03 and for even early on my Christian walk 19:05 for that matter until an experience took place. 19:08 Actually I was honored enough to be able to join Cheri 19:10 in a ministry in another country 19:12 and we were doing some personal one 19:13 on one counseling sessions with different people. 19:16 And we were working with this one woman 19:18 and the way she was responding was so interesting 19:24 and you know, and you would see 19:25 this personality change all of a sudden 19:27 where, it's like what happened? 19:30 I remember I just said to Cheri, 19:31 excuse me for a minute, can I talk to you. 19:33 And we went around the corner and I said, 19:35 I think we need to ask her this because in this case, 19:38 what was interesting for you I think, 19:39 your exposure came through the drugs, right. 19:41 You opened the door. 19:42 And in her case she had, 19:44 had some tribal influence early on. 19:46 And from a tribal culture that believed 19:49 in things different than what we do as Christians. 19:52 And so I mentioned something to Cheri 19:54 and she just said to me, okay, we can ask that question 19:57 but be prepare to see the demon if you do. 20:00 And so we sat back down and I am still pretty new, 20:02 and we asked the question and I am telling you, 20:05 this was not the person talking back. 20:08 And even later on, and so we got to a point 20:10 where we ended the session 20:12 because we couldn't move forward 20:13 without actually almost going into trying to do an exorcism 20:16 or something like cast them out. 20:17 I am like, okay, I am not ready for that. 20:20 And I saw this person later on, I just walking by 20:23 and that person was talking to someone 20:25 who we had counseled with and I could tell 20:28 they were trying to influence that person 20:31 in a way against what we've done. 20:33 And as I walked by she looked at me 20:35 and she said, oh, I'll have time for you 20:38 after I am done with this one. 20:40 Wow. 20:41 And I thought that is not something 20:43 a normal person would say. 20:45 That to me, I was so clear, I am just thinking that-- 20:49 and when you said that, I believe it. 20:52 And you know, I had that kind of experience with that. 20:54 So it was interesting. 20:56 But what I want to ask you about 20:58 is because I know that maintenance 21:00 is part of what we're talking about. 21:02 So now you're at this place 21:04 where you are into your recovery and doing this. 21:07 So talk maybe a little bit more 21:09 about what you do to maintain where you are at and-- 21:12 I am not even say 21:14 maintain your forward motion in your walk with God. 21:16 Nice. And I love that question. 21:18 And that is a serious concern. 21:20 It's like Paul had, he had a messenger from Satan 21:23 that came to harass him and he prayed-- 21:26 have to take him away and it wouldn't, to keep him humble. 21:28 I have the same thing. 21:29 I still deal with this side effects 21:30 of knowing the spiritual world 21:31 is so close to us, it's tied into us. 21:34 And I have to say that I pray to God every morning, 21:38 thank you for today, please be in my life 21:41 and please live in my heart 21:43 because I know that we humans are built to house spirits. 21:46 And it is what God intendeds is 21:49 that we live with Him every day. 21:50 And everything I did while I was on high with meth 21:53 was accompanied by spirit directly embedded 21:55 between me and the thing I was using was an evil spirit. 21:59 Now with God there's a good spirit 22:02 directly connected with everything I touch. 22:04 And so this is holy ground. 22:06 And I defiantly pray, read the Bible morning and night, 22:09 I pray all day long because I do-- 22:11 I don't want to say, I sense things or whatever 22:14 but I am aware of the enemy schemes 22:16 and a lot of them are in the personalities 22:19 that people are feeding up as feasts to him, 22:21 you know, intolerance, impatience, rudeness, 22:24 all these things are the evil spirits 22:26 laying real close to someone 22:27 and inspiring that sort of things and-- 22:28 Well, you know, I have to say 22:29 that I heard a statement one time 22:31 that was powerful to me. 22:33 Said behind every addiction 22:34 is a demon waiting to be worshiped. 22:36 Yeah. Yeah. 22:37 And I thought, oh, shut up. Are you kidding me? 22:40 So behind our angry outburst or behind our eating disorder, 22:45 behind our sexual addictions, behind all that kind of stuff 22:48 I don't think that we realize how many times 22:50 we are demonically influenced 22:53 and kind of moved forward in our addiction. 22:56 And God said the only thing that's gonna get you free 22:59 is when you acknowledge that, repent of that 23:02 and come back to me, step into the light. 23:05 Literally I am trying to get your very sanity, 23:08 defiantly your eternal life. 23:10 But before your eternal life 23:11 even your sanity I am trying to restore. 23:13 That's a huge part of the answer 23:15 and part of that question as well is to stop 23:17 looking at the demons and look towards the light. 23:19 That's the biggest step to take is to stop looking for that. 23:23 Sure they are all around you in personalities 23:25 and things not going right, corners catching. 23:27 But looking at Jesus and ignoring the demons 23:30 is the right way to go 23:31 to produce good spirits and good fruits, 23:33 I have to become more like God 23:34 and to look at Him is to become more like Him, 23:37 and through the Bible is a good way to do it 23:38 and 3ABN has helped me so much. 23:41 I keep that on, it's the only channel in my-- 23:42 I love when you said you watched our program. 23:44 Oh, yeah, I watched your program 23:46 while I was in recovery, while I down in it. 23:47 How funny is that? Yeah, it's awesome. 23:49 I was like, wow. 23:50 There's that warning at the beginning, 23:51 "Parents be caution, there are extreme..." 23:53 you know. 23:54 I am like, hey, this is a good show. 23:55 Here some freed slavery exhumer crazy lady, I love it. 24:01 I can relate to you very much. 24:02 I feel the same way like I've been so down 24:05 and dark and oppressed than now I feel-- 24:08 I feel like I am living a supernatural life al the time 24:10 because God is with me and I know 24:13 that there is more than what we see around here 24:14 and that's a blessing. 24:15 I mean, if people could all see that and handle it, 24:18 it would be so cool to know that God is right here with us 24:21 in the holy ministry angles are all around. 24:23 The 911 called the Bible Psalms 91:11 24:26 "For he should give his angels charge over thee, 24:28 to keep thee in all thy ways." 24:29 It's a promise, it's happening right now. 24:30 Yah I know. 24:31 And been able to say you know, Tracy, I'd love. 24:35 Is the fact that I need to switch my gears, 24:38 because the one of the things that I thought when-- 24:42 you know, I came to Christ is 24:43 I was so afraid of the demonic stuff. 24:45 I have been homeless for ten years, 24:47 I have seen how dark people's lives can get in, 24:49 how twisted their addition could be. 24:51 I have seen demons really control folks, 24:55 take the-- you know, 24:56 I have seen people take the lives 24:58 because of this disperse and all that kind of stuff. 25:01 And so now I'm afraid, I'm like God I'm afraid, 25:04 because I'm afraid of these, this influence 25:07 and so it takes me to revelations like-- 25:11 I think it's 19 or 20. 25:13 And He says that at the end of the whole thing 25:15 when Satan is bound for 1,000 years. 25:19 You know, He said, I want you to read about that. 25:21 So I'm like how cool and so read it 25:23 and angel comes down from heaven. 25:25 And He says read it again. 25:27 An angel comes down from heaven, 25:29 I am ADD and He says "read it again" 25:31 are you not clear read it again. 25:32 And so now I'm gonna little irritated, 25:34 I'm speaking, what you mean to read it again? 25:35 I read it fine. 25:37 Angel comes down from heaven 25:38 and then I hear the Holy Spirit to how many angels? 25:41 An angel, one. 25:43 One angel can bind the devil himself 25:46 at the end of the whole thing, 25:48 and you don't think I had at least 25:50 one around you, at all times. 25:51 There are times in our lives 25:53 God says legions of angels are around you. 25:56 Because the battle is raging, the storm is raging, 25:59 but I am God and I will not leave you powerless. 26:02 This battle is been won by Me. 26:04 The only that doesn't know at right now is you. 26:06 Correct. Because devil himself knows it. 26:08 Yeah. The demons know it. 26:10 They know that if they can get you to believe a lie 26:12 and to take yourself out then they've won. 26:15 That's the only way they won. 26:16 But you look up for a second 26:18 and say God I give the battle to You, we are free. 26:21 Yeah, that's what I found too. 26:23 Huge. 26:24 Yeah, I found that too, is a-- 26:26 the devil's know they are defeated 26:28 and I once I got upset and gone mad about it 26:30 and was honest about my repentance, 26:32 I had to yell out some points. 26:33 You are defeated foe, get away from me. 26:35 And that's sincerely whole heartedness it works. 26:38 You have no powered yet. 26:40 No power to me and the fact that I was-- 26:41 And a child of God. 26:43 In fear or lacking faith 26:44 was where they were gaining ground on me. 26:46 So any time I was afraid was when they were winning. 26:48 But once I stopped looking them, 26:50 stopped fearing them then God was working with me-- 26:53 And even-- even in your-- 26:55 and this is gonna be tough for lot of people to hear, 26:58 but even as you stumble is your faith 27:00 in the demons are in God? 27:02 Oh, in God constantly. 27:03 Yeah, there is days I stumble and fall. 27:05 I'm not living a super natural life 27:07 and I won't have my guard up and I will just stab someone 27:10 in the back really hard and just lose my character-- 27:14 For normal people he didn't mean that literarily. 27:16 Not literarily-- I'm just saying, 27:19 because you just were to say so how crazy is that. 27:20 Thank you for that. 27:21 Because I don't I just-- I don't like stabbing people, 27:22 I know, I mean-- I work you know 27:25 I'm nice guy and this guy every like to you know, 27:27 thank God, there's this love for people 27:29 that I have now and I like to say hi to every one. 27:31 I'm learning new names constantly-- 27:32 And when you say stabbing the back, 27:33 I don't like God's opinion about them-- 27:34 So let's stab in the back, exactly. 27:35 The line in their character, 27:37 I don't like whatever, there is no knifes involved. 27:39 There is no knifes involved. 27:40 Yeah, but it does it feel just horrible now. 27:42 And I see the devil got away with one, 27:45 when I do that like oh, I'm sorry, God. 27:47 But I love the way that, when working with God 27:50 every scheme of the devil backfires on him. 27:52 And like for instance when I went into my addiction 27:55 I used to be a deacon in at church 27:56 and I got to take up tithes and stuff 27:58 and I like that serving God in a simple way. 28:00 And when I fell into my addiction 28:01 they took me off the schedule, 28:03 because it was time to re-approve people 28:05 and I wasn't there and I wasn't approved, 28:06 but now there are one short on their schedule. 28:08 So I come back into the church 28:09 and so everyday I show up to church, 28:11 I'm an automatic deacon. 28:12 So now, still been a deacon once a month, 28:14 now I get to be deacon whenever I show up. 28:16 I think it's awesome. 28:18 But you know, you loving do that, you know. 28:20 I love that, you know, yeah its such a blessing-- 28:22 You never stole from the offering plate? 28:24 No, what-- 28:25 No, no you know what because I wanted to steal 28:28 from the offering plate for the first five years 28:30 and literally, in you had in the back room. 28:33 Oh, yeah, that's right, it's in the back room-- 28:35 Because you know, what as a-- 28:37 what's really interesting when they say 28:38 what you do with the temptation? 28:40 Some times the temptations 28:41 come out of you from every where. 28:42 You know, somebody sends 28:44 the offering plate in our church 28:45 and for the first five years 28:46 I had to not take the money out of it. 28:49 You know, when I go to put it in, 28:50 I could pretend and just take 20 bucks. 28:52 You know and-- you like a not even I thought of that-- 28:56 I don't have that weakness but I understand it. 28:57 But I did in the whole time going to God 29:00 and saying God, I want some day for that to go 29:03 buy with out me thinking that, 29:04 because that would be a victory for me. 29:06 And He said just hold on, because there is gonna be a day 29:09 that you will not have that be a first start. 29:11 There is gonna be a day that your first start 29:13 is not gonna be the twisted start 29:15 but you have to have faith in that. 29:17 I'm fitting the battle and we'll get their. 29:20 That's huge. 29:21 Yeah, that's what I am inspired to do constantly 29:23 with my struggles of adultery and going 29:24 so deep in to the flesh and stuff is 29:27 when I see girls walk along side the road. 29:28 Now I'm told by the Holy Spirit 29:30 to look twice as a sin and so I know, I got okay. 29:33 So he is giving me strength not even 29:35 and to think them as children of heaven 29:37 and there is so much greater purpose 29:39 for them being here than being a lost object. 29:41 And so I am staring to see little growth 29:44 and that's better than heading the wrong direction so-- 29:46 We are gonna come back for close. 29:48 Would you join me on the close? 29:49 Sure. Okay, awesome. 29:51 We are gonna come back. 29:52 If you have nothing touched by this show 29:55 I just be surprised. 29:56 That would be surprise. 29:58 It is so amazing, but stay with us 29:59 because I have a few more things 30:00 to say on this very topic. |
Revised 2015-01-08