Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Dr. Douglas Weiss
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00034B
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00:13 This is my favorite segment,
00:15 where we talk to the guest and I get to introduce you to 00:18 somebody, that is either a friend of mine and has 00:20 changed my life or who I think is just going to so 00:23 pour into your life that you can get a grip on 00:26 what you're dealing with. 00:27 And today I want to introduce you to 00:29 Dr. Douglas Weiss. 00:30 Dr. Doug, I wanted tell you, 00:32 I'm so thrilled that you're here. 00:34 Well I'm glad to be here. 00:35 I think you're a genius. 00:36 While I think your fun, so let's have fun. 00:39 And has a genius stuff. 00:40 And so we're going to talk about 00:42 a lot of people, myself. 00:44 I'm just going to stay with myself and I got 00:46 into recovery. 00:47 I knew that the Bible has all these promises. 00:50 Everybody is tell me that recovery all you have to 00:52 do is stop doing drugs, and you're going to be fine. 00:54 And I'm strung out, homeless for ten years, 00:57 have horrendous families issues, 00:59 and I stopped doing drugs, and I was not fine. 01:01 I've had the same experience, 01:03 I got a radically saved, and read the Bible, 01:05 went to Bible school thirty days later, 01:06 but I was alcohol and drugs fell off instantly. 01:08 But the sexual addiction thing for years, 01:11 and I was torn, was ripped up, I felt guilty, was ashamed. 01:14 I was in the choir, was in Bible school, 01:15 I was in church, like five or six days a week 01:17 and still struggling. 01:19 And so I know what it's like to be radically saved 01:22 and still have an area or two or three or four five, 01:26 because then you don't know how many you have 01:28 that you're not in control of. 01:31 It feels like you're burping all the time 01:33 with these behaviors. 01:34 I know like what it says I'm a child of God, I'm suppose to 01:37 look like king, but I'm not these things keep popping up. 01:40 What is this so I totally get it. 01:41 You know, when you talked about 01:43 the devotion this morning. 01:44 They should know that everything is cool until 01:46 somebody hits those buttons. 01:48 And all that stuff is there so when 01:50 it comes to the surface. 01:51 It's not because of it he gave me that. 01:52 And that there are interfering with my life, 01:55 is that I have it there. 01:56 Yes, now some of us legitimately have it there 01:59 from things we've experienced, like you had traumas, 02:01 I've had traumas. 02:02 Some of us had really bad role models to say it's 02:05 okay to be angry and throw things or do stuff 02:08 like that when they were smoking or doing stuff. 02:10 And some role models that were issues, and some of us 02:14 there's physical abuse, emotional abuse, abandonment, 02:17 You know abandonment can be very hard on the soul. 02:20 It says your not worth it says you're not worthy to 02:24 be loved, not worthy to be cared for. 02:26 And if you internalize those messages. 02:28 You can repeat that in your own life. 02:30 I tell my clients all the time, 02:31 you can become your own perpetrator. 02:33 Maybe this person abused you, 02:35 maybe this person abused you, 02:36 and this person abused you, 02:37 this person abandoned you. 02:38 But now look what you're doing to yourself! 02:39 And sometimes we get stuck in those foundational 02:42 patterns that relate in our life, 02:44 and we do need to take responsibility for it. 02:46 The first time that I was exposed to any of the 02:48 insights you have, the teachings that you have on coming 02:52 out of all that junk. 02:53 I just wanted to cry because I thought 02:54 how cool is this. 02:55 But what if they got me the most is you come 02:59 from that place, you know what you're talking about. 03:01 And so I want you to share with us who you are. 03:04 Why do you know, when you talk about abandonment, 03:07 right then, could I tell in your eyes that you know 03:10 what you're talking about. 03:11 I was conceived in adultery. 03:13 Okay, I never met my biological dad, 03:15 my mom got divorced from her first husband, 03:17 married a guy she met in a bar, 03:19 his last name is Weiss. 03:20 Okay, that's how I got my name. 03:22 Of course, he was a drunk, so they got divorced. 03:24 So I went in foster homes for several years and then 03:27 she took me out with a guy she was living with 03:28 and he eventually became a step dad. 03:30 I knew abandonment by the time 03:31 I came out of the womb. 03:33 Right, probably even pre, I don't know. 03:35 Probably before that is, who is this new guy 03:39 talking to me. 03:40 So abandonment can be a core anchor for 03:46 dysfunctional behavior. 03:47 Absolutely, but the Spirit of adoption can feel those 03:50 places, but we have to open those places up. 03:52 The thing that really keeps, Cheri, 03:55 us trapped is self-deception. 03:56 So part of the solution is self honesty. 03:59 Yeah, I was abandoned, yeah, my mom, my grandma, 04:02 my dad my legal dad, they all abandoned me. 04:04 I just have to say for anybody out there that 04:06 really doesn't know how to be honest, 04:08 don't let that scare you. 04:09 It's not that complicated. 04:11 But you know, like even coming out of that. 04:13 Somebody said, we did know what you just got to be 04:15 normal or honest. 04:16 I'm like, okay is this good. 04:20 Where you start that? 04:21 Because you know, some of us is that we get so much trash 04:25 kind of on trash, on trash, on trash. 04:27 It's like, what does it mean to be normal, 04:29 what does it mean to be honest. 04:31 What is that mean to feel, to stay present, 04:34 I mean all those kind of things. 04:35 And so what you're saying is with your background. 04:39 That's where you started too. 04:41 I don't know anything, you know, 04:43 I'm coming out of foster homes. 04:44 Yeah well, actually when I came to Lord, 04:46 I was in Bible school, I mean I came there about thirty days 04:48 later I was in my Bible school and I was in the dorm room. 04:50 Like God, if you're going to use me, like, 04:52 could you have chosen a different path? 04:53 In all like give me decent parents, you know, 04:56 give me the Bible went out was six years old? 04:58 To all the kind of stuff, why did I have to go 05:00 through so much abuse and neglect, but I didn't know that 05:01 He had a ministry for me to set captives free. 05:04 So I had to be a captive to set captives free. 05:06 That was His design for me. 05:08 And some of us look at our scars and we don't realize 05:10 that they are His scars for us. 05:12 So that we can release scars for others. 05:15 Instead of being a baby about it, say listen, 05:18 these are my scars now You use them for the glory. 05:21 You use them for Your kingdom, 05:22 and I will open them up and let You heal them, 05:25 so you can heal through them. 05:27 Do you see what I'm saying, and some of us get 05:29 to know where I want to hide my scars. 05:30 You block the Ministry of the Spirit of God when you 05:33 block your scars. 05:34 He's not looking for perfect people He's 05:36 looking for screwed up people, 05:37 and you might qualify. 05:38 Ha ha, I qualify. 05:40 I'm saying in general we qualify, 05:42 he's looking for those flawed people that will 05:44 say I'm flawed and loved, because sinners believe 05:47 their flawed and not loved. 05:49 Right! 05:50 You see the difference? 05:51 When you could accept that your flawed and loved by 05:53 God and others, then you're free to do with 05:54 what He wants you to do on Earth. 05:56 Which is so incredible, 05:57 I don't have to pretend anymore, 05:58 I don't have to fake it anymore, 06:00 I literally can come to God and say God what are You 06:03 going to do with all this stuff. 06:04 And somebody said one time and I just laughed out loud. 06:07 They said, you know, if you have skeletons in your 06:09 closet take them out and teach them to dance. 06:11 And I'm like yes, right. 06:13 That's exactly it so part of getting a grip is doing that. 06:15 I mean we're talking about how someone who is stuck 06:18 in anger, or addictions or pornography or criticism 06:21 or jealousy how they opened that door and the 06:24 first thing is self honesty. 06:25 Then the next step would be disclosure. 06:29 See the Scripture says confess your faults to one another 06:31 that you may be healed. 06:33 So, many Christians are forgiven, 06:34 but they're not healed. 06:35 You see the difference? Because 1 John says, 06:38 if we confess our faults, He'll forgive us. 06:40 But many of us are forgiven, 06:42 but we are not healed, because we are not with 06:44 another person saying hey. 06:45 Here's my stuff, and when that happens, healing happens. 06:49 That's huge. 06:50 And then you're free to be authentic. 06:51 Let me just say that I didn't realize how huge that was. 06:55 I hid my, I came to Christ and hid all my background. 06:58 Homeless, heroine addict, all that stuff. 07:00 You became a Christian right? 07:01 For ten years became a Christian put on the right 07:02 clothes set there dying. 07:04 But as soon as I told somebody and saw the love and compassion 07:07 in their eyes. 07:08 The healing happens, so it is really, 07:10 be careful who you tell pick safe people. 07:13 But as soon as you say it out loud and see the love of 07:15 God in somebody else's eyes, you can kind of let go stuff. 07:17 And it releases the shame instantly in you. 07:19 I did a recovery. 07:20 They talk about doing your fifth step with someone were 07:23 you just really go through your whole garbage list 07:26 and I did that somebody you know, 07:27 and it was another recovery type person. 07:30 He is a great Christian guy and said I love you. 07:32 I left there, drove a block and I was in my little Honda 07:36 at that time because I was in the seminary. 07:37 I'm telling you, the Spirit of God just flushed through me. 07:40 I was so released I had to get out of the car, 07:42 I found a football place. 07:43 And I was jumping around praising God, 07:45 because I believe something like this. 07:48 I believe that if you really knew me, 07:50 you wouldn't love me. 07:51 You see, that is what the enemy wants you to stay 07:54 in, but if you release what you think is 07:56 unlovable to someone who can love you, 07:58 you will never have shame, which is shame 08:01 or guilt about that. 08:02 To the level that you do right now so that is another way 08:04 of getting out of breaking that foundation 08:06 of pain up. 08:07 Self honesty disclosure. 08:09 Disclosure yes. 08:10 And oh, you want more. 08:11 You know, I want to be being well when we are 08:13 done with this interview. 08:15 Well Okay, good for you. 08:16 Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! 08:18 I should take notes that right! 08:21 I'm glad you got the book. 08:22 Because you can't do everything instantly. 08:25 It's a process and God loves process. 08:27 And you know what I like about the process. 08:29 Even with what you are sharing, I look at you 08:31 you are an incredible man of God 08:33 helping people get out of bondage. 08:35 You are happy, full of joy, and all those kind of things. 08:39 Kids and wife and dog. 08:40 Love your house, a place that you want to be. 08:44 You know God is good. 08:45 And so just be able to say with their process is 08:47 every single step you are getting closer to where you 08:49 can just sit in your own skin like it. 08:51 Absolutely, and so then you got yourself disclosure. 08:55 But then self disclosure, doesn't alleviate 08:57 some of the symptoms. 08:58 You know, if you are dealing with anger, 09:00 your compulsive in some way. 09:01 You are doing the ice cream at ten o'clock every 09:03 night or when every trip is. 09:04 You have that going on, now you have to start doing some work. 09:07 American Christians are Western Christians like 09:11 the instantaneous thing. 09:12 You know, it very where were good at that. 09:16 It's under the blood and all that. 09:18 That's fine, but sometimes God will walk 09:20 you through a process. 09:21 Once you start bringing people into the process, 09:24 one of the things we talk about is the power up principle. 09:27 Okay, and that is where you get a team of people, 09:29 or at lease one other person, 09:30 and you are accountable every single day. 09:32 In the book you write down every day you call them. 09:35 Now suppose I'm starting anger or hurt or envy. 09:38 We'll then I you say hey, I'm checking in with that. 09:40 So every day I'm checking envy, or my anger, 09:43 or what ever it is I'm struggling with 09:44 your inner problems. 09:46 Doug, I'm checking in, and I'm doing fine, 09:49 Oh, I slipped, you know. 09:50 I really got ticked off with 09:51 my boss or whatever. 09:52 And so that is like one principle. 09:53 That all by itself can take behavior that has 09:56 been controlling you for thirty years and reduces 09:59 it significantly in two or three weeks. 10:01 And it is because literally if I'm going to 10:03 be accountable to you when it starts coming up, 10:05 I think about it. 10:06 But it's absolutely huge. 10:08 It's an incredibly huge thing. 10:10 Yes, and now so you have the power principle in 10:13 place and you have this accountability, 10:14 at the end that I have a chapter or talk about 10:17 measure me please. 10:18 I hated that chapter. 10:19 You hated that chapter. 10:20 Go ahead, go ahead, though. 10:21 Because what it does, it lets you look at you everyday. 10:25 And sometimes it's not pretty, 10:26 especially like if I'm trying to lose ten pounds or whatever. 10:28 Oh man I went up a pound, went down a pound, up a pound. 10:33 It lets me see that so what happens 10:35 when you measure yourself. 10:36 You literally, you write down whatever the behaviors, 10:39 and you check off every day on how you're doing 10:41 with that behavior. 10:42 That's trying to get me not to exaggerate or lie, right. 10:44 And I'm just, you know, I was manipulative on the 10:48 streets, I was good at what I did, 10:50 and all that kind of stuff, and so measure yourself 10:52 every single time you exaggerate and please don't act like I'm 10:55 the only one that does this. 10:56 Every single time you exaggerate or lie, 10:58 you have to write it down. 10:59 Oh my goodness, your getting notebooks. 11:02 But to see what happens, you see you. 11:04 Amen, and it's so releasing. 11:06 And then there is another step if you want to go 11:08 even further with this and you can see it starting to 11:11 be painful, already like I don't want to look at me. 11:14 Come on this is a lot of looking at me, but yeah, 11:15 you see, you can have the intention of the fruit of the 11:19 Spirit, you can change like if you are an 11:20 impatient, you can actually harvest patience. 11:21 You know what I'm saying. 11:23 And God wants to pour it at you. He wants to do that but 11:24 sometimes, as we just like to have it by accident. 11:26 You can plant it so anyway, 11:28 once you get past the measurement, 11:30 you can say what I call double dipping or consequences. 11:33 Okay, let's call it spank the dog. 11:35 Okay, so spank the dog is, if I do x-behavior. 11:38 Then I get some kind of spanking. 11:40 You know, I don't did eat chocolate for the day, 11:42 I can go to Starbucks, I had to do lunges for half 11:45 a block or whatever. 11:46 I set up a consequence for me, 11:48 gives money to some person, I don't like or whatever. 11:50 I like that, especially the exercises. 11:52 Okay, if I wanted to eat Dryers ice cream, 11:54 I had to go thirty minutes on the bike. 11:56 So I'm going to eat much less ice cream. 11:59 Right, or some people say it they're doing the 12:01 weight thing they say okay, if I eat pass 4 o'clock 12:03 Then I have to spend thirty minutes in aerobics. 12:06 So they stop eating after 4 o'clock, 12:08 because then they loose weight. 12:09 They stop the behavior of eating and after 4 o'clock. 12:11 See what I am saying? 12:12 So getting a grip is a way to take your behaviors and get them 12:15 in submission to your desires or desires of the Holy Spirit. 12:19 And I think, we don't realize at least I didn't 12:23 at the first part of my recovery. 12:24 I so realize it now. 12:26 It is that God says freedom feels good. 12:28 Well, that is where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. 12:31 And so when He comes into us sometimes He gets 12:33 jammed up, because in that area is there's not freedom, yet. 12:35 So He will put pressure on you for 40 or 50 years 12:37 until you pop that thing open so that He can be in that spot. 12:41 You know what I'm saying? 12:42 So then the double dipping. 12:44 I love when you say, 40 or 50 years, 12:45 most people are just groaning right. 12:47 Oh, I know it's been that. 12:49 There's sometimes like you want to hold go door. 12:52 If we open that door up, He wants to be in that 12:55 place not just for us to be free, 12:57 but see He is very capitalistic. 12:59 He wants to set us free so that we can be used to set 13:02 a lots of people free. 13:03 So, His seed, will sow a hundred, a thousand, 13:05 ten thousand or a million. 13:07 If you will open one little door in your life. 13:09 It's who He is. 13:10 Because he loves freedom, heaven is free. 13:12 It's free of time it's free of sin. 13:13 It's a free place. 13:15 Incredible incredible. 13:16 So, or you can double-dip, hey listen if I reach my goal, 13:19 maybe I'm only angry once a week, 13:21 I get to play golf extra, or I get to do a little entertainment 13:25 thing extra, or I can reward myself. 13:27 Some people are motivated by reward. 13:28 Do you see what I am saying so you can. 13:30 I have to say with some of the people that I know and 13:34 love is that when your motivated with reward just 13:37 don't reward yourself at things that cause you damage. 13:39 So if you are overweight, don't go buy donuts. 13:42 So it is like being able to say, be smart, 13:45 because we can trip ourselves up easily. 13:48 Absolutely, you don't want to reinforce negative behavior. 13:49 Absolutely not. 13:51 But you can find things like suppose maybe you're 13:53 struggling with anger, or maybe your a shop-a-holic, 13:56 so you're shopping too much, 13:58 so maybe you say you don't buy anything for 30 14:01 days extra, then I'll get myself a massage. 14:03 You know, and that's a good deal, 14:06 because maybe you're love language is touched. 14:08 So you can say, wow okay, I can reward myself. 14:12 If I don't and I buy something, 14:13 then I don't get that massage. 14:15 They see some people and set that up so again. 14:17 You are setting up systems to destroy a behavior 14:20 that has been in our life proactively. 14:22 We can pro actively go after negative behaviors 14:25 that has the grips about. 14:26 Here is a negative behavior in my life, we all have them. 14:27 Being saved as in get rid of it. 14:30 It helps to put the process of getting rid of 14:33 it and not all of it instantly. 14:35 But God says through the Holy Spirit, 14:36 I promise you I will be so creative in helping you 14:40 unload all that baggage. 14:41 And I find here's what I have learned about Him. 14:45 He, if we're proactive, He doesn't have to be as 14:50 much, because if you say I'm going to do with my 14:54 anger, if I'm going to deal with my envy, 14:55 and going to do with my weight, or I'm going to deal with this, 14:57 then He's like oh, look at that! 14:59 they're trying to clean up their own room 15:00 I'm with that. 15:01 Oh that's great, Oh praise the Lord. 15:03 Oh how sweet! 15:04 but if you intentionally get in a rebellious kind 15:07 of position, where you know what, 15:08 I'm going to be this way, and this is the way am! 15:10 God is going to spank you. 15:12 He's going to discipline because He disciplines 15:15 those He loves. 15:16 Here's what I learnt about spanking, 15:17 is when you move away from God in an area where 15:19 your life increases the arc of His hit. 15:21 OH, Ouch! 15:23 Because if you are in the back seat of the car, 15:25 you always want to be behind your dad, 15:26 because he can't get to you. 15:27 But if you are like where he can whack you, 15:29 So when you move away from the area in your life and 15:33 the Holy Spirit convicts you 15:34 then you are moving away from His kindness, 15:37 His correction, then the arc of His hand increases. 15:39 When He whacks you it will be so hard, 15:41 it will get rid of the behavior, 15:42 but it will cost you much more than if you were 15:44 proactively doing it through confessing your 15:46 faults and having relationships and doing 15:48 what He wants us to do. 15:49 And I just want to say to those that have a hard 15:51 time with this because their parents were abusive 15:54 physically, is that God disciplines us in love. 15:57 He says I want you to sense this freedom. 15:59 I'm going to open up the floor for questions, 16:02 just because I know that people 16:03 have questions of you. 16:04 Some going to open up how about, 16:08 can we start with you Mark? 16:09 So Dr. Weiss, men are stuck. 16:13 And men are busy. 16:14 So my question would be what do you think that it 16:18 is that men need to get a grip on and how can we do 16:21 this in this busy season of our lives? 16:23 Well Mark, I mean, you deal with men at lot 16:25 as a men's minister. 16:26 Oftentimes, they are trying to perform, 16:28 they are trying to prove something. 16:30 Know what I'm saying, that they are worth that they 16:33 are successful, they could wear the nice watch, 16:34 or they can drive a nice car or whatever. 16:36 So, sometimes they lose the value of really what 16:39 they have, you know, great wife, great kids, 16:42 who wants to see them. 16:43 You know what I am saying? 16:44 And so for you, if guys can get a accountable like 16:48 in twos and threes and fours, 16:50 and they can start working on whatever it is, 16:52 that is kind of pushing them. 16:53 They are going to do a lot better. 16:54 Like if they say, you know what I've got a stop work 16:55 work at 45 hours a week. 16:57 And they make themselves like we talked about power 16:58 up, and they get accountable to someone for 17:00 45 hours and more that they got to give the money away. 17:02 Then they'll start working forty five hours a week. 17:05 So just again, the power up is really good for men, 17:08 because we do better in teams. 17:09 You know that your sports guy, 17:11 we do better in teams we do as good 17:13 at home by our selves. 17:14 You know what I have to say, 17:15 which is really interesting. 17:16 We are in a society that we get more and more 17:19 isolated, we're in front of our computers, were on our 17:22 iPods or watching TV and so we get 17:23 more and more separated. 17:25 What your saying, you know kind of breakaway 17:28 from that and reconnect with each other. 17:30 Yeah, I'm not sure you know Jesus liked to walk 17:32 and He liked to walk in groups. 17:34 He always had guys around Him talking. 17:36 He didn't have iPods. 17:37 They laugh, joke, talked about their wives 17:39 and had a good time. 17:40 We missing that relationship component, 17:43 you know all communities are being 17:45 affected by this kind of technological de-socialization. 17:49 That's what happens with our kids. 17:51 Our kids are not allowed to watch video games or 17:53 read on the computer very long, 17:54 because it is like this de-socialization 17:56 that's happening. 17:57 I think that's what's happening to lot of not 17:58 just men, but ladies too. 18:00 Ladies are on the computer they would rather chat to 18:02 their sister instead of just calling her. 18:04 You know sometimes my kids are on her cell phone 18:06 She is texting someone sitting right next to her. 18:08 Why don't you just talk to her? 18:10 She's right there. 18:11 I know it's so much cooler I'm thinking, 18:14 We are losing a generation. 18:15 But you know, I think if you try to do recovery. 18:18 If you're trying to really look at your stuff and all 18:21 that is to connect with someone. 18:22 Absolutely, for guys, relationships are key. 18:24 You know, I see that, I see that in every 18:27 single church I go to. 18:28 We have another question, Larry had a question. 18:31 I've got several questions, 18:33 but I'm going to try to get this down into one. 18:35 You know you are talking about for one thing 18:38 I am a people person. 18:39 But what I've got personal problems, 18:40 I don't want to talk to people about it. 18:42 And I've got things in my life that I know I do 18:46 wrong and I'll say okay I know I'm doing this wrong. 18:48 I know I'm doing that wrong. 18:50 I'm doing as this way. 18:51 It's like I'm asking myself, 18:52 do I have a self-destruct thing going on here. 18:56 Why is it that I can see it, but I can't touch it? 18:59 Well I think we all have the self-destruct 19:01 thing called sin. 19:02 It's a really bad thing. 19:03 What you're described in like is for me, 19:06 when I was abused and so sometimes I would act out 19:09 of my pain so I didn't feel that. 19:11 So some time to heal that thing, 19:12 and there's actually an exercise in the book 19:14 called, Cleansing the Temple where you 19:15 Identify those people who hurt you, you deal with 19:17 those issues and forgive them, 19:18 but you get to the anger work first 19:20 So you can pop those wounds. 19:21 Sometimes, we are acting out of our wounded-ness, 19:24 and so if we heal that wounded area than we are 19:26 not going to act out that way. 19:27 So, that is one thing that can really, really help you. 19:29 Now the other thing you are stuck with is 19:31 over adoration of your personality. 19:33 Okay, which means you like yourself too much. 19:36 I don't think so. 19:38 Well in this way, because Scripture says confession 19:41 of one's faults to another, and you're like, 19:43 I not want to do that. 19:44 No, because I don't look at me. 19:45 No, you don't want to be obedient. 19:47 I don't want to be obedient? 19:49 Yeah, the Scripture says confession faults one to 19:51 another and you are like know 19:53 I do not want to do that. 19:54 I want to confess them to God, 19:56 I don't want to talk to people about them. 19:57 Yeah but you see your classic, your classic, Larry 20:00 I love you because you are being honest, okay? 20:02 Most of us do not want to do the hard work of 20:05 talking to another person about our faults or our 20:08 flaws our faults our pain. 20:11 We don't want to do the work. 20:12 And that's how many Christians, 20:13 and I'm not talking about you specifically, 20:15 most Christians are forgiving. 20:17 The blood has covered them but they are not healed, 20:19 because healing is in the body of Christ. 20:21 Not in the head of Christ. 20:22 Since resurrection He has transferred the healing power 20:25 to the body of Christ. 20:26 So if you want healing of your hurts and heart you have to 20:29 go to the body members to get it. 20:31 So, so many Western Christians Cheri, 20:34 missed that point. 20:36 So, that is a great question. 20:38 I thank you. 20:39 You know what really is interesting to me, 20:40 is that it really does go back as the Bible is clearer for 20:45 our obedience in the Bible is clear. 20:46 But we are afraid. 20:47 And a love when you say about the abuse because I 20:50 was sexually abused for so long, so when you say, 20:53 when I know that healing happens if I open myself 20:56 up to you, but I haven't opened myself to myself 20:58 because I'm afraid of dealing with that pain. 21:00 I'm kind of stuck in this vicious thing. 21:03 We project rejection, it's kind of like the guy who 21:06 put the talent in the ground, 21:08 they said to the king I thought 21:10 you were an angry man. 21:11 And you wanted to sow were you didn't reap. 21:14 Actually, he was projecting onto the king. 21:16 No people, you find loving people in the body of Christ, 21:20 some one talks to you Larry, about a problem 21:22 that they are having in their life, your not going to say 21:24 I didn't realize that you were so strange, 21:25 is that going to be your response? 21:27 I like to help people, I like to help people with their problems. 21:30 So why don't you let them have the same feeling? 21:32 Because they would enjoy helping you. 21:35 Yeah, right. 21:36 You see that's where we're stuck. 21:37 You see he's very symptomatic of not just men, 21:39 but the body of Christ. 21:41 That is the great interaction there. 21:43 But what's incredible is when you start healing 21:45 when you start doing and being obedient to how God 21:48 has unfolded our healing is that. 21:51 I didn't have a choice, cause I was in prayer and 21:54 God told me you tell your room mate every time that you 21:56 do this one behavior. 21:57 I was in seminary. 21:58 When I came back to Florida, 22:00 I made a deal with him one hundred percent of what 22:01 you tell me, no questions asked. 22:02 That is how I got some of the weird jobs I got. 22:04 and so but, I didn't have a choice, 22:07 I don't get this option thing. 22:08 Like I don't want to, I don't get that. 22:10 I tell my kids it doesn't matter if you want to or not 22:12 I'm your dad, do that. 22:13 Do you know what I'm saying? 22:15 I think sometimes Americans think they have an option. 22:18 And it robs us! 22:19 It robs me if I don't obey Him! 22:22 So Monique, I know that you had a question. 22:24 Yes, I came to work today here at the café, and I 22:29 did not expect to disclose something but I am about 22:33 to share something as we're talking about 22:34 disclosures is one of the keys to healing. 22:37 I have an issue that I've struggled with in 22:39 in various points of my life. 22:40 Growing up in New York, my dad use 22:43 to take us to school, elementary school, and 22:45 I was late almost everyday. 22:47 And now its has carried over into my adult life. 22:50 And it is always like five minutes is never usually 22:52 more than five minutes late, 22:54 but it's still five minutes and I'm still late. 22:57 And it's a chronic problem, 22:59 I think it is really rude and inconsiderate to be 23:01 even a minute late to an appointment 23:02 to work or whatever. 23:03 My dad one time told me that it doesn't matter if 23:07 you're a few minutes late as two long as you are 23:09 not trying to catch a plane. 23:10 Because that is the only time that lateness really matters. 23:12 He said that to me when I was little, 23:13 and I think now as an adult is in the back of my 23:16 mind, it is still there. 23:17 How can I overcome this chronically lateness issue? 23:20 I think in the past I have excused it, 23:22 saying that maybe that it was the train, 23:24 all the delays on the subways in New York, 23:27 but I can't make an excuse to have to face it. 23:29 You are fighting against a consistent role model that 23:32 you have developed with, you have kind 23:34 of grew up along side of. 23:35 But your insights right, you have to 23:36 take personal responsibility. 23:37 Like my daughter Hadassah, she has a similar problem. 23:41 She never, we're never late, but she likes to be. 23:43 So we set it up in school that she is not in the car 23:48 by 7:00 o'clock then at 7:01 she has a consequence. 23:50 Okay, so you can either set up a consequence or a reward. 23:53 So you can say if I'm late even one minute late. 23:56 I'm going to do twenty five push-ups, 23:57 as soon as I get in my office. 23:59 You'll stop within, probably one month. 24:01 See, because right now there is no consequence 24:04 that stops you from this even though the 24:05 Spirit is telling you it's kind of rude. 24:07 You are not valuing them as equals. 24:09 You know what I'm saying, and you get convicted, 24:11 but now set that up and set some 24:13 accountability with somebody. 24:14 Just picks any good friend and say listen, 24:15 I'm going to kill this thing. 24:16 But you know what, say what does your daughter do 24:19 because I think that worked for me 24:21 and I know what she has to do. 24:22 What we do with her is that I hand her write a 24:26 statement that says, to be early is to be on time, 24:29 to be off time is to be late, to be late is to be rude. 24:31 Okay, and she has to write that twenty five times. 24:33 If she is late, so first thing she gets in the car 24:35 she has to write. 24:36 She doesn't like to write because that is a time to 24:38 text, her friends, to kind of have her own time. 24:40 So she doesn't want that consequence to happen so 24:44 now she is in the car and she is on time. 24:45 You know what I love about what she wrote, 24:47 is for me that I need to put that in my head is to 24:50 be late is to really be rude. 24:52 And I need to somehow reprogram myself with that 24:56 statement instead of looking at it as it is no big deal. 24:59 And whatever as it really is a big deal. 25:01 Well for some people, especially 25:03 if they are northeast coast, it is very rude. 25:04 I grew up in a culture of rudeness was looked at is 25:06 almost as you cursed at them. 25:08 In you weren't ten minutes early, you weren't on time. 25:12 But that can be a value thing, you can say Lord, 25:16 I want to treat my boss and other employees as if they 25:18 are valuable to me so I want to get there 25:20 first to serve them. 25:21 So I will be there five minutes early in case somebody 25:22 needs to be served, some kind of service or ministry thing 25:24 before I start my day. 25:26 How cool is that. 25:27 So see if set yourself up, see you have a natural 25:32 father, that didn't help you, 25:33 but you have a heavenly Father, Whose never late. 25:35 See what I'm saying! 25:38 Thanks, alright! 25:39 You look like you had a little more going on there. 25:41 I do and want to take this thing a different direction, 25:43 but I have some friends, being single, 25:45 and we always talk about relationships, and what 25:48 we are looking for. 25:49 So many single women seem to choose the same type of 25:52 guy, whether they are emotionally unavailable 25:54 commitment phobic, whatever the issue are. 25:57 They find themselves in a cycle where they are 25:58 choosing people don't really have qualities that 26:02 they are looking for a future spouse. 26:03 Using some of the same tools that you were talking 26:06 about being accountable, how do you remedy that? 26:10 The people who are constantly in 26:12 involved in destructive relationships. 26:14 Now, this book they're probably there might be some 26:17 core family of origin or abuse or neglect issues so now 26:19 they are self abandoning themselves so they can break 26:21 with it and get a grip. 26:22 I saw something called successfully single. 26:24 It which a single person makes himself accountable 26:27 to a couple through the whole process. 26:29 So someone comes up to you at a coffee shop and says 26:31 Monique I think I'd like to get to know you 26:34 you say well here's Bob and Carol's phone number you 26:36 can call them and if they like you. 26:38 Then I'll be able to go on a date with you. 26:40 And they set up an authority over them that 26:43 lets them see things differently because you 26:44 know, you're cute and your young and 26:45 you might be emotional. 26:47 But if you got a couple over you and the guys like Hey! 26:49 So, what do you do for a living? 26:51 How long have you been doing that? So guys will 26:53 you know so you got a spiritual father over you. 26:55 That says Heh, I want to ask this guys some real questions. 26:57 Then start the process said it will save you a 27:00 lot of wear and tear. 27:01 And then you're going be accountable every two 27:02 to four weeks on what you are doing physically with 27:05 each other is sometimes what you see Monique, is 27:06 what your friends aren't telling you. 27:08 It might be physically inappropriate together 27:11 They're actually gluing to that person and now they 27:13 have a physical bond to that person that keeps them in 27:16 that relationship that is no longer helpful to them. 27:18 So Yeah being a team is much better than going up there 27:23 by yourself as a single person. 27:24 I love that idea. 27:26 Oh It's free, 27:27 That's freeing, could you I just try to picture the guy 27:30 saying I've got some friends that really 27:32 want to talk to you first. 27:33 If they like you then we'll go out. 27:35 I can just see the guys face, like what. 27:37 What happens is see here's the thing, if a man 27:39 can't submit to authority in dating, 27:41 he's going to be a tyrant as a man. 27:43 Oh shut up, That is great. 27:45 See what I am saying? 27:46 So if he can submit to authority during dating, 27:48 You are going to be able to be led the 27:51 rest of your life, through him. 27:52 See what I am saying? so the dating process in 27:55 successfully single sets you up to measure how he 27:58 can walk through a process. 27:59 And you get to see it so that when you are in the 28:01 car by yourself at ten thirty at night. 28:02 And like hey, hey, hey Heh, like listen, we're going to talk 28:04 Bob and Carol so if you start doing that. 28:06 You need to know that I'm going to tell them. 28:08 So now you see, you have a different level of value, 28:13 because men don't mind working for a women who think 28:15 she's valuable. 28:16 Wow, Thank you so much. 28:18 Thank you for asking that, that will help a lot of people. 28:21 That's incredible, any more questions? 28:22 Nyse do have a question. 28:24 Yes matter fact, I do. 28:25 So check this out, we got everything and we see the whole 28:29 picture of how it all works and stuff like that. 28:31 I have a little quick question, 28:33 One of the parts is self honesty. 28:36 So I'm going to be self honest, 28:39 I'm going to start jotting all these things down the 28:41 things that need to be honest with now. 28:42 Why don't you just pick one at a time. 28:44 That's the question is not going to be only one thing 28:47 that we need to deal with. 28:49 So even be personalized, where no were dealing with 28:52 different addictions. 28:53 My mom she was on every drug, on the market, 28:55 She was with almost every other man, you know what I mean. 28:57 So some of these things kind of passed down. 29:00 So I kind of seen myself getting to these situations years ago. 29:03 And I'm like, how am I going to deal with this. 29:05 One thing I found out, I did the self honestly thing 29:08 I started jotting it down what would you recommend? 29:11 I, in the work that we do, people have so many situations. 29:14 We mainly work with them on their diets, but come to find 29:16 out they have a diet issue because you know there's 29:19 a personal issue behind that and then 29:21 there's a family issue, then abuse issue my goodness. 29:23 So in dealing with that, after listing down, is it a good thing 29:28 to start with something that is easy, like me personally, 29:31 I started my diet. 29:33 But that is pretty much okay to do that, 29:35 and once I got victory over this and start controlling 29:38 it as that man is giving me a little help so that big 29:42 Goliath that I'm dealing with he's not that bad after all 29:45 Is that something that you would recommend, is there 29:48 level of severity or degree of these all the 29:52 things I'm dealing with the start of little 29:53 one or start a hard one. 29:54 You can start either way. 29:56 Your intuition is right and it's great 29:58 question because we haven't addressed that yet. 29:59 And that is you only take one at a time. 30:01 And we use the Blitz Greed method, use all of your 30:04 energy on one front. 30:05 Don't try to take it all one time. 30:07 And what is interesting the other thing that you 30:09 mentioned, you know before David took on Goliath. 30:11 There was the lion and the bear. 30:14 You know what I'm saying, he had steps before he got there. 30:16 So when he saw the giant he said well, I saw this before. 30:18 I can do this, you know I'm saying nothing new. 30:21 Just a different face on the same problem. 30:23 So some times you want to start with the one behavior so 30:26 it diet or something like that but then do the healing 30:30 work, underneath that there's been abandonment 30:32 or abuse and neglect. 30:33 Clean that stuff out why you're working on that behavior. 30:35 That that you can do. 30:36 But just stick on one behavior. 30:37 So each step has to be taking care of in its 30:40 entirety in no kill it or don't know if I can say that. 30:44 Get rid of it altogether, because I found the thing I 30:48 that personally me, held me back is. 30:50 I try to be a jack of all, and nibble at this and take 30:53 and I said I thought I took care of this. 30:55 And it's creeping back up, so that's what. 30:58 You deal with one 30, 60, or 90 days. 31:00 And by then you are usually victorious. 31:02 Then you pick up the next one in you 31:04 start measuring that one. 31:05 Hear I'm saying, that's the way you are successful. 31:07 So you want to aim all your energy, 31:09 spiritually praying for that thing emotionally 31:12 and then intellectually. 31:14 Start reading in disciplining yourself to do that 31:16 stuff and you start getting momentum 31:19 against the problem, they you're done with that one 31:22 And then of course something else will come round. 31:25 Well, I don't know to do that. 31:26 I'm saying that book was a 31:29 like um fire, aim. 31:32 Instead of aim, fire, that kind of thing. 31:34 You have to aim at what you want to fire at. 31:36 Stay focused, right there, if you'll stay right there, 31:39 you will get success. 31:40 Which is great. 31:42 So we can actually get a grip on this thing now. 31:45 And you feel good about it. 31:46 You feel good about yourself, 31:47 because not only what get a grip does, not only gives 31:50 you a set of skills, 31:51 but then those skills can be applied in anything. 31:53 You know what I'm saying. 31:55 If you want to better at a certain thing may be a 31:57 tennis game me one better bowling or what ever you 31:59 can start aiming those same skills that I've got 32:02 a discipline myself. 32:03 I got be accountable to the practice and what I 32:04 have got to do and boom, you can be successful. 32:06 And the skills work for both sides getting rid of 32:09 something and been successful in something. 32:10 I love the way that even the transition into it. 32:14 First it made me look like you are dealing with a lot 32:16 of junk anger or molest all that kind of stuff. 32:18 Whatever the issues are and as you get healthier. 32:20 It really is skills that learn for healthier things 32:23 Sure, like saying, you could get as you grow 32:25 spiritually is I'm not dealing with you on drinking alcohol. 32:29 I haven't had trouble with that 25 or 30 years, 32:30 but I could be dealing with impatience. 32:33 Or can we deal with going 60 mph in a 55. 32:36 Do you know what I'm saying. 32:38 Somebody out there is like that a problem. 32:41 So, but they're not there yet. 32:42 And God is really gracious about all that, 32:45 like He sometimes. 32:46 Most times He'll thumb you on one thing at a time 32:49 really hard, 32:50 It's like ok son, please deal with this because 32:51 I don't want to take you out on that mountain 32:53 again I went to take you somewhere else. 32:55 You keep doing this so I want to go here. 32:59 Please deal with this because I have a blessing. 33:01 I want to pour into you, and that's it My way, 33:04 because your hands are full I need you to empty them 33:07 so I could put some different in them. 33:08 I love what Nyse brought up because he is our, he 33:13 really is a health expert it is what his 33:16 ministry is and he talks about health and taking 33:19 care of yourself physically, 33:20 and I want to just ask your opinion on that, 33:22 because I somebody come out a 33:23 horrendous addictions and they will be setting in a 33:27 twelve step group with a cigarette and caffeine and just 33:30 so you think how can they get to their frontal lobes. 33:34 How do you get to think and what do you think as 33:36 far as tying into that whole physical healing. 33:39 As far as recovery, I think it is perfect and 33:42 for many of us my journey started with 33:44 spiritually healing first, I needed that encounter. 33:47 And that it moved into my soul and my body. 33:50 Absolutely. 33:51 And I think you have to maintain a healthy a body if 33:54 you're going to be emotionally healthy. 33:55 You can't be emotionally healthy and you got a pile 33:59 of lasagna, your pile of ice cream, a chocolate cake and 34:02 your remote control and your caffeine and that's your evening 34:06 You're going to be sick. 34:08 You're not exactly going to be the life of the party. 34:14 As much as we think we can do that. 34:15 I can do all that and still stay thinking 34:18 clearly very but in the room is like hello. 34:20 I know how actually feel when I get too many fats I 34:23 get clogged in my brain. 34:24 If you are really preparing your brain for 34:27 activity, like before I speak, I don't eat a lot of beef 34:31 I won't eat sugar. 34:32 I was off of sugar for like ten years. 34:34 At one point that I still find if I have sugar before I'm 34:37 going to be up somewhere, it can crash me. 34:40 So I had to be responsible with that, with my body type. 34:42 And all this need to be responsible for what God 34:44 has designed us with. 34:45 Good! Good! 34:46 Yeah, I was just looking their real quick in the 34:49 book and I noticed one of the chapters was on 34:50 cleansing in the temple. 34:52 And so it knocked on both items to cleanse its 34:54 spiritually and then work things out and then He's holding 34:58 us accountable for taking care of that temple physically. 35:01 It definitely plays, this is awesome. 35:04 Yeah, and cleansing temple is not only a physical 35:06 thing, because trauma affects you spirit, soul and body 35:08 And what cleansing that temple does, it allows you to 35:12 identify people who have hurt you, you write an anger letter, 35:14 do the anger work, and that thing pops out 3 dimensionally 35:17 and then not only are you heeling spiritually, 35:19 you are healing spirit, body, and soul all at one time. 35:21 And it is a beautiful thing I have seen people 35:22 with tremendous trauma do this process. 35:24 We have been doing that for almost 20 years. 35:26 And you're not talking about sending the letter, 35:28 you're saying just write it down on paper, 35:29 saying it out loud. 35:30 And hitting and yelling and screaming, yelling it out 35:33 of your body, because your body was there during the trauma. 35:34 and so your body has be part of releasing that. 35:36 See Jesus could have cleansed the temple by saying be gone. 35:40 He did it, He engaged His body physically and 35:44 verbally, and He kicked things around. 35:46 He was the carpenter before power tools. 35:48 If He hit you, it was going to hurt. 35:50 So everyone got out of there so He was showing us 35:54 how to cleanse our temple, because, 35:55 as Paul says you are that temple. 35:56 Some of our traumas affects the spirit, soul and body. 36:00 That is why a lot of people who overeat are 36:02 survivors of abuse of some kind, spiritual, emotional 36:07 or sexual abuse. 36:08 And most people don't even think of that is eating 36:12 disorder, that I'm trying to fill this void up and 36:14 you can't eat enough. 36:16 You can't eat enough and any kind of medication in 36:18 working, even over studying and know there's a 36:21 terminal student you know who's thinking 4 degrees. 36:25 It's like, well did you think about getting a job? 36:27 It's another way of avoiding type of thing. 36:30 So, I know there's more questions. 36:34 I just want to say in this whole process as you work 36:38 with people because I know you work with 36:39 people all over the world. 36:40 We have counseling centers and they talk on the telephone. 36:42 Is that it must just bring joy to your life to see 36:46 people just let go of things. 36:48 Oh absolutely, some people say Doug, 36:50 how can you do what you do? 36:51 Telephone counseling, we give 3 day intense with 36:54 couples and all this stuff and knock it down like, 36:57 how do you get down. 36:58 I feel like I'm the warden with the keys. 36:59 I'm just let people outdoors all day long so 37:02 how hard it is that? 37:03 They come out happier and their marriages are better. 37:05 When their marriages are better than their family 37:07 and kids life are better and in the kids have less 37:10 stuff, it's a wonderful thing. 37:11 We seen pastors restored. 37:12 Its beautiful so all of us, 37:14 and it's not just like, 37:16 people go to professionals talk in one-on-one, 37:18 but we're are all ministers of Jesus Christ. 37:20 And as we heal in an area He will release healing 37:23 through us, in that area, to other people. 37:25 So you have to asked yourself the question, 37:26 How much you do want to limit the healing of God in your life? 37:29 How much do want to let that other person stay in chains? 37:32 Because you get to be quiet and comfortable. 37:34 See, I don't get to be comfortable, 37:36 I've talked about my abandonment abuses and 37:38 neglect, I've talked about it for twenty years. 37:40 But in releasing that people have been set free. 37:44 You know you were kind of a talking off before the 37:47 show you went to a place and shared something and 37:49 an eighty three year old woman came up to you and 37:51 had permission to be authentic. 37:53 This is the season of the Spirit of God for authenticity. 37:58 So we aren't permitted maybe the generation 38:01 before were able to keep their secrets and keep 38:03 their skeletons and have funny hair. 38:05 But we're passed that point. 38:07 We're past that point, the Spirit of God is 38:09 authentically coming because He wants to 38:11 restore us to His heart. 38:13 And His heart is I absolutely love you, 38:15 Yes your flawed, that's not the point. 38:17 I love you, let Me come into that spot. 38:20 And I want to heal you. 38:21 Oh yes, totally. 38:22 Isaiah 57:18 where it talks about and know all 38:25 your junk and I want to heal you anyway. 38:26 And I love that, because we are in a place that 38:30 people so desperately want to get well. 38:31 We have people that call and e-mail on the show 38:35 and I am sure that we are going to get 38:36 tons from just this show. 38:38 It's just saying thank you for saying that out loud. 38:40 Thank you for saying it. 38:41 So I think what you are saying is that if you hold 38:44 your stuff and nobody has permission 38:46 to heal it around you. 38:47 It clogs up the whole body is kind of like you close 38:50 an artery of healing. 38:52 You see your wounds are places of entry point 38:54 where God's Spirit can flow 38:55 through to other people. 38:56 And you see we have the wrong 38:58 perspective of roundedness, 38:59 as if we've got protect it NO, let it out there. 39:02 You know, Paul said in my weaknesses, 39:04 He's made strong. 39:05 You want to a strong ministry on planet Earth, 39:07 it's at your weakest point. 39:09 That's huge! 39:11 My abuse, my abandonment my addictions, 39:14 weakest points that God has used to set men free, 39:18 women free, couples healed. 39:19 I love this stuff, some of us want to say no use my 39:22 smartness, listen I barely graduated out of high 39:24 school, but I got four degrees. 39:25 God is good, and it is His heart that all of us want 39:31 are to be a part of healing on this earth. 39:32 And what to do it on the show, what you are doing and 39:35 are a part of, you're letting this healing flow through you. 39:37 Yes, you are homeless, You were all this stuff and 39:40 women go, Oh my gosh you look so together, 39:42 how can you been so messed up. 39:43 And so there is hope for you. 39:45 There's hope for me. 39:46 And God is good. 39:47 He's very good. 39:49 And you know, we're going to ask, 39:50 I know there's more questions. 39:52 But I just want to say before going to turn over 39:54 to a question, is that I am surprised that God 39:57 saying that every time you give Me something, 39:59 every single time you get ride of something, 40:01 I will show you who I created you to be, 40:03 I will show you what is underneath all that. 40:05 And sometimes I stand, and I'm shocked. 40:08 I think that God that is good, 40:10 and He's like I know. 40:11 How fun is that! 40:12 So Mark, I know that you had something else that 40:16 you are wanting to ask him. 40:17 Yes, so my question kind of goes back we talked about. 40:20 Men are busy, people are busy. 40:22 You mentioned texting an all those things, 40:24 and we find ourselves in a season where people are 40:27 just being overwhelmed with things. 40:29 You had mentioned before in a response to a question working 40:33 on one thing at a time. 40:34 What advice, or how would you speak into somebody's 40:38 life who just had a bunch of things that are 40:40 overwhelming them and they can't get through the one 40:43 issue, because they have got so many other things 40:45 that are pulling at them and drawing at them. 40:48 Issues with family, issues with relationships, issues 40:51 with jobs and things like that. 40:52 How would you speak into that even 40:54 using that same process. 40:55 Your talking about how you eat an elephant. 40:57 One bite at a time. 41:01 And you really can't, sometimes people come to my office and 41:05 they've got all these issues, financial, relationships, kids, 41:07 they are a mess. 41:08 But there's addictions going on, 41:11 let's deal with this one right now and learn to be 41:15 successful, and then you can be successful in the other. 41:17 You didn't get in this problem, 41:19 these men, women, couples, they don't get in 41:21 this problem, Mark, in three days. 41:23 It's taken 20 years for some of them to create 41:25 the mess they're in. 41:26 And you can even say, you can even ask someone what 41:28 is the crisis that you had yesterday and kind of 41:32 narrow it down to almost a pattern, 41:33 almost immediately as far your life. 41:36 Crises, what's on your mind, what really hit you. 41:40 But often times, Mark is saying, these things people have a 41:42 pattern of a lifestyle and you can only address 41:44 one pattern at a time. 41:45 Like Monique was talking about being late, well Ok address that 41:48 Maybe the guy is cursing at his wife okay, address that. 41:51 Let's deal with it one at a time, because you 41:53 you are already spread out for me to say okay, we're 41:57 going to spread out with your problems isn't going to work. 41:59 I need to be focused anyway, 42:01 Do you know I'm saying? 42:03 Because if your focused, then you can start being successful. 42:06 You know Jesus was a very focused man, 42:08 and that is why He was successful. 42:10 He knew why He was here. 42:11 What He was to get done. 42:12 And He was about getting it done. 42:14 So if we only focus on the one problem we are going to be 42:16 much more successful than like if 42:18 we try to figure it all out at one time. 42:19 I'm glad Jesus didn't ask me to do more than I could. 42:22 With me He like dealt with me in layers. 42:25 There was times in Bible school, 42:29 where I could drink all the coffee I wanted, I literally 42:32 had bags of peanut M. and Mr. 's in my backpack at all times. 42:35 And then there were days when He said He I want you 42:37 I want you to give up caffeine and sugar. 42:39 Ouch! 42:40 I can point to the spot where I was from that point 42:43 for ten years I was off. 42:44 I haven't had caffeine, soft caffeine for almost 20 years. 42:47 But you see it was layers, 42:50 because I was using it to medicate. 42:51 It's fine for other people, 42:53 but it wasn't fine for me. 42:54 I can see how their accountability would, 42:55 help with getting rid of those things at a time 42:58 because some people don't know how to get rid of 43:01 things, they don't know how to address those things. 43:04 Some people don't know how to play football. 43:05 Yes, to get out there, give them the basics and do it. 43:06 Skills for life is what we're talking about. 43:10 There are skills that come with solving problems. 43:13 That's incredible to me every thing is bettering 43:18 yourself for learning. 43:19 It's not just these you are working on the process 43:22 of working on it improves you. 43:24 JoAnie we haven't gotten to your question yet. 43:27 Go ahead yeah, I have a question. 43:29 I do Myofascial release and I'm a massage therapist and 43:33 I can literally feel my client's body change. 43:39 They can tighten up they can not be talking at all. 43:40 I'll be working on them and suddenly 43:42 they'll just get real tight. 43:44 I'll say, what are you thinking. 43:45 Sometimes they know sometimes they don't I 43:48 don't know what I can tell them to help them be able 43:52 to walk out of my office softer than 43:56 when they came in. 43:57 I don't want them to leave the same way they came in. 43:58 Well, that is a great question because 44:01 in your profession. 44:03 We are triune, you know, just like the 44:06 Father-Son-Holy Spirit we are triune so when our soul 44:10 gets impacted and often times, 44:11 the body will hold it especially if it's been physical abuse. 44:13 Especially if it's been sexual abuse, you know I did 44:16 some training with inpatient facility and there was 44:19 a massage therapist there where she would work on 44:22 these ladies, and she would hit spots in their 44:24 bodies were they were hurt. 44:26 With the shoulders being pinned down, 44:28 or legs being held and the client would actually cry. 44:32 And actually release and you might have had 44:34 instances where you are touching somebody. 44:35 And they're actually crying, 44:36 and which are doing you are triggering her from 44:38 the body and your seeing that trauma actualize. 44:41 It's probably uncomfortable they start crying in your 44:45 office because you want them to feel good, 44:46 but it does help them to say hey. 44:48 Something happened here, you might want to go see 44:50 somebody because your body is holding something 44:53 here and find out what it is holding. 44:55 It that might help you and it helps you help them. 44:58 It's amazing what the body tells you, 45:00 you know that as your pulling, 45:02 pushing it's like wow what's going on with this. 45:04 Holds your pain here, you hold it there. 45:07 And we do hold stuff in our body. 45:09 That's where were talking about cleansing the temple. 45:11 Doing an anger work it's like a flush for emotional pain. 45:16 You know, we do these cleansings for body where 45:19 we try to detoxify. 45:20 Well to get a grip does is it detoxifies the soul part. 45:23 So the body doesn't hold it anymore. 45:25 And I can to you a story, this guy was a big old Texan. 45:29 He had a mom that was abusive to him emotionally 45:34 abusive, and he had all this rage 45:35 inside of him against her. 45:37 Now he is a Christian man. 45:38 But her time he goes home for Thanksgiving, 45:41 he balls up and becomes as real angry ball. 45:43 His whole family doesn't want to go there anymore. 45:45 So I did the cleansing temple he was probably in 45:47 there for 30 or 40 minutes. 45:48 He's yelling, he's hitting, 45:49 he's letting it out and then he did the 45:52 forgiveness exercise. 45:54 This was around Octoberish, 45:56 and he actually went home for Thanksgiving that year 45:58 and he came back and he realized on the way home 46:00 That he wasn't balled up anymore, that he wasn't in pain 46:05 when he was in the presence of his mom. 46:06 Because he was able to, JoAnie was able to release that 46:10 physically, he was able to release it emotionally as well. 46:11 It was really good for him. 46:13 It was like it cleansed him of that. 46:16 Exactly, so he doesn't have to go there ever again. 46:18 I mean he really doesn't. 46:19 He doesn't ball up in her presence. 46:20 There are people that I've seen come up and they want 46:25 healing, a prayer for healing, 46:27 I'm over weight and I want somehow get an control on that. 46:32 The Holy Spirit will say out loud to me they have 46:35 been sexually abused and if they get thinner they 46:37 get afraid, and they get close to that weight. 46:40 So talk about that for a little bit about that 46:42 how one thing is kind of tied to another sometimes. 46:44 Sometimes you have a trauma bond in the situation you 46:46 are in so like you are talking about the weight. 46:48 If a person gets down to the weight where they were 46:49 perpetrated, sometimes they will run from that weight. 46:53 They will panic. 46:54 They will run from the weight because they think 46:55 if I look good then people will hurt me. 46:57 Because you come up with irrational beliefs 46:58 to try to explain your trauma. 46:59 The only reason for trauma is total insanity. 47:01 There is no way that the victim can be responsible 47:04 for trauma, whether it is shooting, 47:05 beating or raping or sexual it doesn't matter. 47:07 But you try to come up with something 47:10 like if I am skinny I'll be hurt. 47:12 So let's eat again. 47:13 Some times I do prayer ministry in my church as well. 47:17 I'll stand up there, sometimes it's kind of 47:19 funny, really want prayer for blah blah blah and I 47:21 say okay I don't mind praying for you because God wants you 47:23 to pray for you, let me ask you, who are you going to 47:25 be accountable for the next 30 days? 47:26 Just shut up, do you tell them that. 47:28 Who are you going to be accountable to because 47:30 Scripture says you have to confess your faults 47:31 one to another so you are confessing to 47:33 me, but to stay healing you have to confess it for the next 47:35 30 days, who are you going to do that with, 47:36 then I will pray for you, give me their name 47:37 cause I know you will probably do it. 47:39 Then God can answer prayers because we are in the flow 47:42 of what He already said to do. 47:44 To stay in a state of healing, 47:46 you have to stay in a state of confession. 47:47 What's really powerful, let's talk about this. 47:49 When we confess our faults one to another, 47:51 not only can we be healed, but the prayers of a 47:53 righteous person availeth much. 47:55 When we stay in a state of humility, 47:58 confessing our faults, our prayers are heard and are 48:02 powerful on earth. 48:03 If we produce a fake lifestyle, 48:05 protect our pain, and are unauthentic in our 48:08 relationships our prayers are ineffective. 48:10 But we feel it too. 48:14 Our heart feels it. 48:15 It's like I feel my prayers go to the ceiling 48:17 and stop and you want to say you know what God 48:19 never intended that. 48:21 So then you have to say what sin are you not confessing. 48:23 What did you do that you haven't told anybody. 48:25 They look at me like how do you know? 48:27 It's simple, if your prayers are ineffective it 48:30 is because you have unconfessed sin. 48:31 But let me just say, you said. 48:34 Mark is over there nodding his head yeah I get this. 48:35 You said earlier which shocked me and I can't 48:39 wait until after the show, I can sit with this for awhile. 48:41 You said the sin of not confessing to one another 48:44 because the Bible commands that and so it's like 48:46 when we think of sin we think of 48:48 gambling or eating or sexual relationships or 48:52 whatever, but you are saying in the sin of not 48:54 being obedient to God in our healing and so 48:57 sometimes the sin may not be as obvious to you. 48:59 Since we have kind of broken away from the 49:03 Catholic theology, and really focused on 49:05 confession we throw the baby out with the bathwater. 49:07 Now evangelicals, we don't confess. 49:09 And so we are not effective either. 49:10 So sometimes what we are dealing with in our life 49:14 is an effectiveness of disobedience of confession. 49:17 We're going where out of time and I love having you 49:22 on the show and were going to have you on another 49:23 show up couple the season, which I am thrilled. 49:25 Thanks for joining us. 49:27 Thank you, and want to say if you've heard anything 49:31 and remember I said get a pen and write something down. 49:33 I pray that you did and if you haven't written it 49:35 down, go to the website and definitely get the book. 49:38 It's huge, Get a Grip, start healing, start paying 49:42 attention to what is controlling you, what is 49:45 really messing you up. 49:47 We're going to go ahead and take a break, 49:48 will be right back. 49:49 Stay with us, and I'm so glad that I had Doug on show 49:53 so you could hear all this stuff. |
Revised 2014-12-17