Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Dr. Douglas Weiss
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00035A
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00:10 Welcome to Celebrate Life In Recovery.
00:11 I'm Cheri your host. 00:13 I believe that the most import relationship beside with 00:15 God is with our spouse. 00:16 I really believe that, but if you are like most of us 00:19 that's the hardest one. 00:20 What if you could fix it in just Ten Minutes A Day. 00:23 Join us and let's see how. 00:51 Welcome, this is my favorite part of the show, but we are 00:55 going to do a little bit different right now. 00:56 Instead of doing the teaching segment 00:58 I want to introduce you to the guest right off. 01:00 We are going to meet with Doug Weiss again and I want to 01:04 say Dr. Doug. Thank you so much for coming back. 01:06 Well thank you for having me back. 01:07 Were going to talk about marriage this time. 01:09 I like marriage. 01:10 I was just going to say, we were going to do a radio 01:13 interview at one time. 01:14 The radio interview is going to be on the Ten Minute Marriage. 01:17 And I thought how cool is that and your office sent me the 01:21 book and I look through the book I was reading it. 01:23 I was reading it and going through and trying to get good 01:27 interview questions in that kind of thing. 01:29 And I left it sitting down, my husband picks it up as 01:32 getting ready for work in the morning and he looks 01:35 at the tile Ten Minute Marriage, and he's like I do that. 01:38 Absolutely that's the guy type isn't it. 01:41 That's why guys love the book because it's 01:43 actually practical in ten minutes I 01:45 can do that and if that will 01:46 keep my wife happy let me get into that book. 01:48 And so he did, he decided to do it this cracked me up. 01:52 He sees that and he says, you know what he reads through 01:55 okay ten minutes and I can pick any of these things. 01:58 Nana Nana Nana Nana as though he decides he 02:01 going to do it right now. 02:02 It's like six thirty in the morning, 02:03 I'm asleep, sound asleep. 02:06 He comes back upstairs and I literally 02:08 had drool on my face. 02:10 He's thinking no time like the present. 02:12 Exactly he's like so focused, so he says Hon, wake up, 02:16 and I'm like excuse me. 02:18 And he's like wake up. 02:20 I got something I want to do, and 02:22 I'm like what he says wake up. 02:24 And I wake up and he says, look at me and I'm like, 02:28 what is up. 02:29 I don't have to get up, yet, you know and what is up. 02:32 He's like look at me are a looking at me, yeah, what's up. 02:37 And in trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes, and the 02:40 drool from my face and he's like. 02:41 I love you, let that settle in your heart. 02:43 And I realized that he had read your new book, and 02:46 I'm like, not now and then I thought I'd better 02:48 not discourage him. 02:49 So tell us a little bit first of all who are you for 02:52 people who have never seen you on previous show. 02:55 And then what's he talking about. 02:58 Well I'm Dr. Doug Weiss, we have a counseling center in 03:01 Colorado Springs, where we do three intense 03:03 phone counseling and all that of stuff. 03:04 We been doing it for twenty years, almost twenty years and 03:06 what we found is actually principles 03:09 that help marriages work. 03:11 And we been putting marriages together for about that 03:12 long, and it's really fun stuff so your husband is right 03:15 he found a toolkit that can actually help him. 03:18 In the kit there's ten different exercises, you pick three, 03:20 and you do them. 03:21 At what he was excited probably about was. 03:23 While this looks like it would actually work, 03:26 let me go try it. 03:27 Guys like trying different things as he just 03:31 tried it on you. 03:32 What's really interesting for a long time, 03:34 what I'm telling him. 03:35 You know he plays in the orchestra, he works at the 03:39 University, is a busy guy has so many things he 03:41 produces a jazz fest. 03:43 So many things on his plate. 03:44 I will say something to him very generic. 03:46 You know what I want to be on your plate too. 03:48 And he's like was that mean. 03:51 So totally... - I think you should talk about that because 03:57 what the ten minute marriage did was given him what that 03:59 means in ten minutes. 04:01 We are not really trained in any where and I got 04:04 four degrees and there's nowhere 2 in counseling 04:06 and 2 in theology and there's nowhere 04:07 they actually trained me how to be intimate, how to share 04:10 feelings, how to communicate, and how to do some of the 04:11 other exercises like well we'll get into that later. 04:14 So you don't have any training, and then you put it into a 04:17 marriage and this woman is saying give me your heart. 04:19 What does that mean in guy language, put the engine I mean 04:25 what does that mean? 04:26 That is totally different language okay. 04:31 So this book says okay this is actually how you do it. 04:33 You can share your feelings, you can share what was effort 04:36 or energizing for you today, you look in her eye she 04:38 can do some flooding we will get into this stuff. 04:40 It's like a how to meet that need that your wife has 04:43 been saying, I feel like a roommate. 04:45 I feel alone I feel like you don't love me. 04:48 I feel like you don't want me, 04:49 I'm just not a part of your life. 04:51 I'm not in your life, where did the love go. 04:53 And the guys are thinking, wait a minute I'm working sixty hours 04:56 a week, I'm providing, I'm loving. 04:58 I just took you on a date just six days ago. 04:59 Like what are you talking about? 05:01 And so this book helps them find that peace that they're 05:05 talking about, which I just need some real connected time. 05:09 And ten minutes is really enough. 05:11 That makes her feel wonderful and then things go better. 05:15 So I went through knowing that he must've picked up 05:19 the book, knowing he must have looked at that, 05:21 I did not want to discourage him at all. 05:24 And went through that with him, not wanting to, 05:28 not in a place where I hadn't even woke up yet, and at the 05:32 end of the ten minutes I thought I love you, 05:33 I so love you. 05:35 And it was just the coolest thing to realize that even 05:37 if I'm not in the place. 05:39 And he's not in the place by the time. 05:41 You are down ten minutes, you will love them. 05:44 So, I want you to really just unfold that for us. 05:48 Because it is an incredible teaching. 05:50 There are some basic principles to be successful in 05:52 anything, business, life, parenting, and also a marriage. 05:55 What this does it apply some principles. 05:58 And that is we need emotional intimacy, like I said, 06:01 there's no place to get that training. 06:02 Where do you go to get training to identify your feelings? 06:05 Or how to share your heart. 06:08 Women have an easier time at that. 06:10 Well, they think they do. 06:11 Really. 06:12 Women aren't always there slightly usually better at 06:15 intimacy than their husbands, husbands get this book, and 06:18 they become masters they become black belts, and sometimes 06:20 women look pretty bad. 06:21 Hey, it's like I know what your feeling what are you feeling? 06:23 How funny is that! 06:25 So is actually skill-based, and you learn these 06:27 skills like eye gazing where you look at 06:30 someone's eyes for a minute. 06:31 You can't imagine how powerful that is. 06:33 You know, I have had couples who have been married for 06:35 30, 40, 50 years and have never looked into each other's 06:37 eyes for a minute. 06:38 And Brad and I are not like our marriage is very good so 06:41 we don't have a bad marriage, but when he looked at my 06:43 eyes for a minute. 06:45 I started crying because, you know what I so love being 06:48 connected with you in that way. 06:49 So was a huge thing to be able to say, Okay. 06:52 everything just stop for a minute, and let's just 06:54 get connected with each other 06:55 Women love to be beheld. 06:56 They were totally created for that. 06:58 But anyway, some of the other exercise like going down 07:01 memory lane, because a lot times you remember the negative. 07:04 But you don't make an effort at remembering the positive. 07:07 So that exercise you give one or two examples of things 07:10 in your past and your relationship that you really 07:12 enjoyed about each other. 07:13 Or playing the wing and marriage game, which is a whole 07:16 bunch of questions kind of like dating game. 07:18 I ask questions and see if you get the answer right. 07:20 You'll are a lot that way. 07:22 What say some of the questions, or let's do it 07:25 a different way. 07:26 Let's start out with go through the different things 07:30 you could choose cause what you're saying is, 07:32 this is Ten Minutes A Day. 07:33 Ten minutes a day you can pick any exercise. 07:36 If the menu we're in a café, there's a menu. 07:39 There's ten exercise, you pick the three any three 07:41 combinations of those are about ten minutes together. 07:44 Okay, praying together is one, sharing two feelings a day. 07:47 I feel blank when, I first remember 07:49 feeling blank when, well most people do not know 07:51 how to do their feelings. 07:53 So this is really good stuff. 07:54 Nurturing each other's saying two things that you 07:58 really love or appreciate about each other. 07:59 We talked about the eye gazing, we talked about what 08:02 energized you, what was effort for you today, what I 08:05 learned today. 08:06 And that can be from God from myself or from you. 08:08 person down the street, winning in marriage we talked about that 08:11 on a couple of the other ones because I have my own 08:17 little favorites I do personally. 08:18 I love the marriage game. 08:20 Oh yes, that's very much fun. 08:21 If I was going to write you a love letter what would it say? 08:25 And is just where you speak a love letter, you say, you 08:28 know how if I was talking to Lisa I'd say it's writing you 08:32 a love letter I would first have to say I'm unable to 08:35 write what I see, what I sense, and who you are, no pen no 08:42 paper could capture that. 08:43 That's what I would write you today. 08:45 And so as a woman I'm going, Oh man I love you. 08:48 closeness of the exercise, it's great. 08:50 I write, so it's easier for me to do that. 08:53 But you know what's really interesting to me about that 08:56 is, this is not encouraging you to put every junk every 09:00 bad thing in the marriage on the table. 09:01 It's saying get in touch with the good stuff. 09:05 Even there was one exercise where you just go back and 09:09 say something about the first time I remembered feeling 09:14 excited about her, enthusiastic about something 09:17 It's funny because I thought the first time remember feeling 09:21 enthusiastic about something is when I got braces on a 09:24 and that was kind of drag. 09:25 But I learn to skate on one foot and I could 09:29 do it with a brace. 09:30 My husband looked at me and he said I love you, 09:33 how cute is that. 09:34 And for him to say that all of a sudden I realized there 09:37 were something in my memory I had remembered, now, I shared 09:40 with him, and he saw that as somehow character thing that 09:43 he loved about me. 09:44 Right, a lot of endearment happens in this exercise. 09:46 It's huge. 09:47 What happens what you are doing is it intentionally 09:50 investing in the intimacy in your relationship. 09:53 Guys understand investment. 09:54 They understand when you're 30, you got a start putting 09:58 money away for when you're going to be sixty. 09:59 But you want to be relationally wealthy, not just 10:01 financially wealthy. 10:03 And this is a practical way to look at it so it doesn't 10:06 feel so ambiguous. 10:10 See Paul talked about Ephesians where God says 10:13 husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church, 10:16 Now guys, when you hear that Scripture, what immediately 10:19 happens for you, oh God, I hope he's not going to talk 10:21 about that today. Right 10:24 Because that Scripture has been kind of so 10:26 misused in ways. 10:27 But it often time today leave out the rest of it. 10:30 And Paul says, what man doesn't love his own body. 10:32 What man doesn't wash his body, what man doesn't feed 10:35 his body, and what Paul said was to be like Christ, 10:38 listen guys, you accept the daily maintenance of your 10:41 physical body, you work out, you eat okay. 10:43 We do these things, you guys took baths today. 10:46 We do this every day, and we don't take a shower and say 10:48 who thought this dumb system up, I hate this. 10:51 We don't go to a restaurant and curse God because 10:53 we have to eat. 10:54 I have to eat, I hate that I have to eat this is disgusting. 10:57 It takes up all my time. 10:58 You never do that you accept the maintenance 10:59 of your own body. 11:00 And Paul is saying the same way that you accept the 11:02 maintenance of your body without resistance, except the 11:05 maintenance of your woman and she every day needs to be 11:09 maintained, and you pour into her every day and then you 11:12 will be like God, who wants to pour into her every day. 11:15 Who wants to be seen by her every day, who wants to behold 11:18 her every day. 11:20 You know what I'm saying? 11:21 And then she will start acting like the church. 11:22 She will think you're great. 11:23 After Brad did this because I think for him. 11:27 It was so practical, he knew what to do, and it wasn't 11:32 like he had to come up with the feeling like, what does she 11:35 want, and it was so clear to him that after about a week. 11:38 And I don't think about what I can do for him just to 11:41 bring joy to his life. 11:43 Today I start thinking about that, what can I do, that 11:45 would just be exciting for him. 11:47 But you know, it is all of a sudden that love and 11:51 connection is so good. 11:54 And I thought not that I thought, we have an incredibly 11:58 good relationship. 11:59 Love him we've been together twenty years and all things, 12:02 but I was surprised how that Ten Minutes A Day how much 12:06 better it is. 12:07 Lisa and I have been doing three of those exercises for 12:12 20 to 21 years of our marriage. 12:14 So I'll call her tonight we'll do our prayer of feelings 12:18 and praises and the three we like, and will do that 12:20 tonight and tomorrow night. 12:22 So you do the ten minutes in when you're traveling. 12:24 Oh yeah, I called her when I was in Norway. 12:26 It cost about a hundred bucks to do my exercises, 12:30 but it was worth every penny. 12:32 Because it's a discipline. 12:33 God is busy, you know God is busy, right. 12:36 He's got billions of people, lots of food to manage 12:39 and that's the whole thing. 12:40 And that's just our little world, He's got 12:41 a whole galaxy, hundreds of galaxies He's a 12:43 busy guy, but He never misses a day with me. 12:45 Any doesn't make an excuse like I'm sorry son, I'm busy, 12:48 I've got galaxy to run you know. 12:50 there is bomb going off on the third galaxy now, billions 12:53 of creature are going to die if I don't show up in the 12:55 and I'll be with you in a minute. 12:56 He never does that. 12:57 And so as a man, I do not have an excuse either. 13:00 Do you see what I am saying? 13:02 Exactly, and the investment into your marriage, and I 13:06 love which are saying about once guys get this then the 13:09 deficits of women as far as their emotional connection with 13:12 their husbands is really apparent. 13:14 the truth is once a women, see men, I'm going to say 13:17 something you may not get, but men, men do not 13:20 understand, because of the way they are made, they think that 13:22 the physical relationship is well if they have the ripped 13:25 Abs, and the slick hair and nice shirt, then their women 13:27 is going to be attracted to them. 13:28 Totally off. 13:29 It really is, how funny. 13:32 Because for us, we like to package thing and 13:33 that works for us. 13:34 That works for us but for women, they are 13:37 aroused or enamored by us by emotional proximity, 13:41 how close am I to your heart. 13:42 Now see most guys do not know how to get a woman's heart 13:44 closer to them, so they struggle their whole marriage. 13:47 This ten minute marriage gets a guy to have his wife's 13:50 heart get closer to him all the time. 13:52 Well then, she is enamored by you, and hence there's more 13:56 activity in that area of your life without all the stress. 13:59 Do you see what I am saying? 14:00 It's like guys if we put oil in the engine, the engine 14:03 runs smoother oil engine oil engine. 14:05 Simple concept OK, and guys get it. 14:08 It is absolutely the most incredible thing 14:12 I have ever been through. 14:13 Just watching how simple that was. 14:15 I want to know as you pulled it together and God unfolded 14:20 this teaching for you, what kind of things 14:23 do you see in couples. 14:25 I'm just saying as it unfolds it must be huge. 14:28 Yes Will there's a ten minute exercise, and that is the 14:30 core of a relationship. 14:31 That's the intimacy but then when he cover other things 14:33 like the government of your marriage, we cover dating, 14:35 the physical relationship. 14:37 And we cover internally and externally a motivated 14:39 understand how your spouse is motivated. 14:41 So there is other things in the book that helps 14:43 kind of surround that core. 14:44 Do you understand what I'm saying? 14:45 It's like working your core muscles to strengthen you 14:48 but you still have to do some bicep work. 14:50 So there's other parts that needs. 14:52 So, what other kind of bicep work. 14:54 Let's talk about government, you know, when I asked the 14:57 question in the book, what government Art thou. 14:59 When I ask it in oh, if I say okay, what government are 15:01 you what government are, you guys aren't ready yet. 15:03 and so they look at me like well what do you mean government? 15:07 Well, how do you make decisions? 15:08 Are you monarchy, where one person controls the other 15:11 person, are you in this kind of relationship, are you a 15:14 theocracy, which then Got controls both of your tells you 15:17 what to do and you try to work that out. 15:18 But of course you hear God differently, which makes it fun. 15:21 And then are you a democracy where you vote on everything 15:24 or corporation were she gets XYZ, he gets a ABC, and then on 15:28 the big, whatever in the middle we vote on that together. 15:32 and might even have a third person on the board, 15:34 so how do you actually govern yourselves. 15:36 And just getting that visual, just getting that sense. 15:39 Just putting it on paper. 15:40 It is actually a place in the book. 15:41 I like to put things in the book is a place the book were 15:43 you sign off on what government you are. 15:44 You do make people work. 15:47 Once you decide that because as a counselor, if you 15:49 haven't decided how you decide, how can I help you? 15:52 Like suppose, Teresa and Ishmael suppose it's a monarchy 15:58 and she's the Monarch. 15:59 As a counselor I'm thinking their a democracy. 16:02 Well I can't help if you're really a monarch 16:04 and she's a monarch, I just have to talk to her. 16:06 You can go home, do you see what I'm saying? 16:08 But now Jim and Mary maybe there are a democracy. 16:10 So now we got a walk through the counseling process a 16:13 little bit different. 16:14 So, you are saying, literally look at this and decide what 16:19 kind of government we're going to be. 16:20 A lot people choose corporation were the kind of divide 16:23 and conquer kind of stuff. 16:25 But then, in a corporation. 16:26 It's different then democracy, like suppose you and 16:29 your husband were corporation and he had the gardening. 16:32 He had a garden and liked to do that, then he says to you 16:35 Hey honey I'm planting tomatoes, you say no, I think 16:37 you should plant corn, well see He's a corporation so he's not 16:41 really asking to obey you, he's just consulting you. 16:43 A whole different thing. A whole different thing. 16:46 Because he can go plant whatever he wants 16:47 and you can't say your rebellious because he 16:49 he doesn't really, that's his realm of authority. 16:52 Where if you are a democracy, you can fight about corn and 16:55 tomatoes to the point of where you can plant neither 16:56 because it's winter. 16:57 You see what I am saying? - Exactly! 17:01 Once you define that structure in your marriage, 17:03 then you can really make intelligent decisions. 17:05 And you don't have to fight near as much. 17:06 There's another support thing that we have the book 17:09 called the Ten Minute Argument. 17:10 You can make your arguments ten minutes long. 17:13 It's a simple process 17:15 It's not bleeding into every other area of your marriage. 17:17 No! But there is actually a simple method, which is 17:21 ten minutes and you identify the problem. 17:22 And then on piece of paper. 17:24 You both identify how you feel about it, going back to 17:27 feelings because a lot of arguments are feelings, I'm 17:29 feeling rejected, I'm feeling disrespected, so we are 17:32 going to argue see, write down your feelings, then you 17:34 both write down solutions that you think would work. 17:37 Suppose the problem was who takes out the garbage. 17:39 He does, she does, the kids does, no one does, 17:41 and maid does whatever. 17:42 Write down all your solutions put them together you vote on 17:45 them from one to ten. 17:46 1 being I don't like it, and 10 I really like it, the 17:48 highest number wins, you're done. 17:50 And you are done. 17:52 You write out what you decided, and you'd done, 17:54 The highest number wins. The highest number wins. 17:57 And that's real practical, it's down on paper, this is what- 18:00 And then there's actually a journal in that you can put 18:02 it in. Okay, we decided on January, of 0 blank. 18:05 This was our decision, and then you go back and 18:08 look at a later. 18:09 Look, here... We've had this argument before. 18:11 And so this is what we decided so. 18:13 Do we do to again or do we stick with the last one. 18:16 You know, what's really incredible to me is that even 18:19 in doing that even in learning those skills and 18:22 developing that, which is such a gift is that I am 18:26 moving into a relationship with you that we are 18:30 on the same page. 18:32 Like was really hard. 18:33 I think in a lot of marriages is that I am operating 18:37 here are and you're operating here. 18:39 You may think this. 18:40 I'm operating as a corporation your operating as a - 18:44 and we never talk about we never look at it as it is. 18:47 This is how my parents operated and this is how his 18:50 parents operated. 18:51 Most men, think they are monarchs, and most women think 18:52 they are in a democracy. 18:53 Exactly. 18:54 So that is where a lot of the confusion comes from. 18:56 Because as a man you are thinking she should just obey 18:58 me because I'm a man. 18:59 As a woman we're like. 19:00 Of course were like, God said, there's no male or female 19:03 in Christ so Jesus kind of nails that one. 19:05 So then how do we operate, so once you agree on a 19:08 government you are able to operate functionally. 19:11 And once you agree on how to argue. 19:12 You can have an argument in a couple minutes. 19:14 What happens to a person that says, to a woman says, 19:18 or to a man that says, but I feel like I'm going to 19:23 lose my ability or power in this relationship, because 19:28 what I'm thinking for a lot of guys. 19:30 I didn't see it with Brad and I as we developed our intimacy. 19:33 But for a lot of people that I work with, they think 19:37 will she respect me, will she loved me, will he listen 19:40 to me, or whatever what would you say to them?. 19:43 You have to first to agree on what structure you 19:46 are going to operate from. 19:47 What's your key is that a lot of people assume they know 19:50 what the government is and they never talk about it. 19:54 So, they are constantly swirling around, and they 19:56 haven't even figured out a structure to get that 19:59 basic thing done. 20:00 So, you are not even saying when you put it down. 20:03 Is that one structure and is better than another. 20:05 God's used every structure. 20:07 He's used monarchy throughout time, He's 20:10 used the theocracy, for a very short time with Israel. 20:13 He uses democracy all around the world, and He uses 20:17 cooperation's all around the world. 20:18 He's not afraid of this, see He is in a government. 20:21 The very first government was before time and will be 20:24 after time, it's the government of three equal inter-related 20:28 beings who honor each other and serve one another. 20:30 And marriages to reflect eternity. 20:34 Do you know what I'm saying? 20:36 So you have this interdependent different personalities 20:39 resources, different giftings, who honor each other, now 20:43 the honoring can serve one another in a equilateral way. 20:47 Does that make sense? 20:48 Most people in the flesh want to control each other and 20:53 that is where you get into trouble. 20:54 And you also lose the ability to be really be intimate and 20:58 have a love relationship with that person 21:00 you are trying to control. 21:02 And the freeing thing, what is really interesting to me, 21:04 the more that we learn skills as far as marriage. 21:08 Brad and I, the more we it is such a blast to 21:12 so be in love somebody and know that everybody is being 21:17 heard, being safe, and all that kind of stuff. 21:18 getting on the same page it's such an incredible gift. 21:22 But it takes skills to do that. 21:24 It takes skills, but not. 21:25 Most feeling skills and most people don't have that to 21:27 even be heard, because how can you hear me 21:29 if I'm emotionally constipated? 21:31 And I'm like, I got like slam the doors. 21:35 Just to get you to get my attention, like I'm having 21:38 pain so I'll slam doors. 21:39 I'm acting like twelve, and you know, I'm not, so you have 21:42 to get the skills to be able have that kind of relationship 21:46 where you can communicate your heart. 21:47 Okay, so go on to another skill, so government is one. 21:51 The government is one. 21:52 The argument is one. The ten minute argument- 21:55 You see, you use your resources to solve the problem, 21:59 instead of attacking each other. 22:00 Because most couples use their resources to attack each 22:02 other to solve the problem. 22:04 As oppose to using both resources to solve a problem. 22:07 Do you see what I'm saying? 22:09 The ten men at argument takes both their resources 22:11 and aims it at the problem. 22:12 And it really takes you away from this win, lose kind of. 22:15 You can't even bring up history. 22:17 Cause your solving a problem here's your solution to the 22:22 problem so what is your mom. 22:24 the way she treats your dad had to do with who takes out 22:26 the garbage, nothing does mean go on the piece of paper. 22:28 That's way cool. 22:30 But you should just argue to just keep you skills up. 22:34 I mean this really helps you to get the problem solved. 22:38 So if you are going to fight just to fight, you just have 22:41 to know we're just going to fight, we're putting 22:44 the book away, let's go fight. 22:46 Let's bludgeon each other just for fun. 22:49 But in Christ, that's not the way Christ relates. 22:52 He wants to hear and He wants to get to solutions, He really does 22:56 One of the other things we talk about is dating. 22:58 I remember I was doing a counseling session, and the guy 23:02 looked at me dating who. 23:04 Dating your wife, that's what I'm talking about. 23:07 I mean, I married Lisa to have a permanent date. 23:09 So planning your dates and rotating dates back and forth 23:13 for say one week. 23:14 It's Jim's day he decides where to go and what we do. 23:17 We're out for Jim to have a good time. 23:18 He's not trying to make Mary happy, it's his date 23:20 and Mary is the guest. 23:21 The next time it's Mary's date, Mary decides one hundred 23:24 percent, where she wants to go. 23:25 So she wants to take him to play checkers 23:27 at a coffee shop. 23:28 That is what they are going to do, and she's going 23:29 have good time and he's going to be a happy camper. 23:31 You just rotated back-and-forth to get the 23:33 date thing done. 23:34 Does that make sense. 23:36 So it's a fun thing. 23:37 And I think that I read a book, I think it was John Eldridge 23:43 when he was doing the wild at heart thing. 23:45 and it says were a guy says. 23:46 I'm going to rescue the damsel in distress, and once I 23:48 rescue her and she's safe I'm putting her over here. 23:51 And for a lot of marriages. 23:53 It's like for guys, you know she say she's rescued. 23:56 She is my wife I love her, and it's done. 23:59 Now I can go on with my life. 24:00 Not realizing that we need that interaction of a 24:04 every day for a wife or a husband and the date. 24:07 Not dating everyday just that interaction every 24:10 day be logged and taken out and all that stuff. 24:14 Will's good for everybody to want to because we didn't 24:15 marry each other to have mortgage payments, car payments, 24:17 manage kids, that's not why we got married, we 24:20 got married because we looked at that person and said WOW 24:22 I want to watch life, together with you. 24:25 That's what I want to now to do that. 24:29 We've got a manage all these kids and mortgages and cars 24:32 and stuff like that but that is not why I walked down the 24:34 aisle one I had no money. 24:35 You know what I'm saying I didn't have much to offer, 24:38 but she thought I was the most amazing person in 24:41 the world, and her love for me, my love for her, 24:43 that is why we got married. 24:45 So keeping that love warm is really important and dating 24:49 reminds you that you are more than mommy and daddy, it 24:53 reminds you that you are more than a taxpayers. 24:54 We are going to go on a break, and we're going to come 24:56 back and ask questions of the folks that come 24:59 to the café today. 25:00 But I want to ask you before we go out on the break, Is 25:03 that I look around and a lot of couples are really stuck 25:07 with having lost that joy that they have for each other. 25:11 That brought them to the altar, and my take on it 25:15 especially as a Christian is that the world wants a 25:19 successful relationship the world wants us to be almost 25:22 like in love with each other and all that kind of stuff. 25:25 And it's like it's a couple, it is so important to get this. 25:29 It's so important to get this. 25:30 People should fall out of discipline before they fall 25:33 out of love, see the same disciplines that got you to want 25:35 to be married, quality time, sharing my heart, 25:37 sharing my dreams. 25:39 When you got married, most of us didn't have any money to share 25:41 so we shared our dreams and prayed together 25:45 and we are close. 25:48 And so all those disciplines were happening, but you weren't 25:50 aware they were disciplines. 25:51 It's kind of like if you're playing basketball, 25:53 you don't know that you are getting an aerobic workout. 25:54 Right exactly. 25:55 Do you see what I'm saying? 25:56 And so you're doing all this discipline, but you don't 25:58 realize and then you get married and you stop the 26:00 disciplines and you fall quote unquote out of love. 26:01 I have never met a couple that fell out of love, that didn't 26:04 fall out of discipline and least a year or two before. 26:07 So, we are going to come back, ask some questions, and 26:10 really go over those things that you have talked about 26:12 in this segment. 26:14 Stay with us, and if you would like to get a pen and write 26:17 some of this stuff down is that because such good stuff 26:20 and try Ten Minutes A Day you will be so surprised. 26:24 It is amazing! We'll be right back! |
Revised 2014-12-17