Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Monica Barlow
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00042B
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00:13 Welcome back, you know, we've been talking to Stephanie
00:16 on the last segment with Monica and then Stephanie. 00:20 And for some of it was tough to hear what she had to say as 00:23 a child that has been abandoned, has been molested has been 00:26 kind of left on her own. 00:29 But you know what as you think about that don't forget 00:33 she was taken into the home of Monica and her husband. 00:36 She's been loved by them, they will not abandon her, 00:40 they will not they are her parents. 00:42 They have so stepped into her life. 00:44 There are people around her right now, that will walk 00:47 her through whatever she has to walk through, 00:49 not because they have to, they love her. 00:52 She has friends right now that are committed to her and 00:56 helping her walk through that. 00:57 Like I said, for me, she comes up in the weirdest 01:00 time, she'll come up in my mind. 01:02 I think we met Monica a few years ago, you know. 01:07 So a few years ago that we met and I still constantly 01:10 just think of her because I remember the struggle for me 01:13 when God was first standing me up and tried to heal me 01:16 from all that damage, it takes time. 01:19 So now I want to introduce you to Amanda, and Amanda has 01:23 a whole different story. 01:24 Well, you know, sometimes I think, go ahead start coming 01:27 up, sometimes that's a different story but not really in 01:31 a sense it is the same story with different circumstances. 01:34 Who are you and where did you come from and first of all 01:38 I have to say I know this is hard for you. 01:40 Yeah, well, when I was really young. 01:44 I lived with my mom and real dad. 01:48 He beat my mom for 9 years, she was very 01:52 young when she had me. 01:53 It was kind of hard - it was kind of a violent home 01:59 definitely - yeah, yeah - and you watched that and 02:01 remember watching it - yeah, he hit us to but 02:04 I don't really remember because I know we were really, 02:08 little, though he would get very mad and take all of his 02:11 anger out on everyone that was around. 02:13 I remember when I was a kid with my dad because my dad 02:17 was violent like that. 02:18 We would just scatter like little mice, poof, because 02:22 you would know when to be in the room and when 02:23 not to be in the room. 02:24 When to be visible when not to, and if dad was not 02:27 happy it was like, let me find something to do in my 02:30 room, or maybe even under my bed. 02:31 We would actually hide sometimes too because I remember 02:35 when he would get really mad. 02:36 He would immediately go to my mom and try to hit her or 02:39 yell at her and stuff like that, so we would run to the 02:43 bedroom and hide in there and lock the door. 02:46 I remember one specific time, and I was really little, 02:49 but I remember some of it. 02:50 We were hiding in the room, because we knew something 02:53 was going to happen and he was going to get mad and he 02:57 was really mad because we hid in the room so he hit the 02:59 door and knocked it open - just shattered the door. 03:02 Yeah we ran outside, we climbed through the window and 03:05 went outside and tried to jump the gate. 03:07 It was a tall gate, and we were - really little. 03:10 So we trying to get up on the gate, and so we were just 03:13 trying to run because we thought he was going 03:15 to get mad at us too. 03:16 But we didn't do anything and so - for little kids, 03:19 what really is interesting and I know as you're little. 03:23 for me, I didn't have any perspective. 03:25 And there was some times I was wondering if I was going to be 03:28 killed, I wonder if he's going to kill me - yes - this time. 03:31 In its like, it's a weird thing, and probably you are 03:34 not in that much danger, but it does feel like that. 03:38 It kind of feels like he's so angry that you don't 03:41 know what he can do. 03:42 You see their face - he's so out of line and control - 03:45 yeah, exactly. 03:46 Satan has totally taken over him and he doesn't 03:50 know what he's going to do - I know that you didn't 03:54 live with your folks whole time. 03:56 What happened and what moved you out of that house? 03:59 When I was about 2, my mom gave me to my grandma because 04:03 he started telling me to call my mom bad names. 04:12 I did, because I didn't understand what was and I feel 04:15 kind of bad now because I think it really hurt my mom 04:18 for what I said, but I don't know exactly what I said. 04:22 But I started getting mad at him and saying don't hit my 04:25 mom, stop this, and I was only 2. 04:27 My mom was scared that he was going to like kill me or 04:30 something, because I was talking back to him. 04:32 So she gave me to my grandma and I was really angry at 04:37 her because she kept my sister Carina and my brother Raymond. 04:41 I thought she didn't want me, so I was just like mad and 04:43 hated my parents and didn't want anything to do with them. 04:46 So I stayed with my grandmother and was really close to 04:49 my grandmother - grandma and grandpa or just grandma - 04:52 just my grandma. 04:53 She had a boyfriend, that sounds kind of weird, but she 04:56 had a boyfriend - she's a girl she's allowed have a boyfriend. 04:59 She had a boyfriend - she's like 50, how old is that. 05:01 No - oh, sorry, excuse me, alright. 05:05 I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. 05:09 I love you, alright. 05:10 Well its sounds kind of weird, my grandma had a 05:14 boyfriend, but he was a drunk - not to any 50 year 05:17 olds out there - his mind was just on the floor. 05:19 He didn't know what he was doing. 05:20 So you moved from the violence and to alcoholism with 05:26 your grandma's boyfriend. 05:27 He wasn't always around, and my grandma kind of got rid 05:30 of him because he was just falling over tables, because 05:33 he was so drunk. 05:34 So, she said she finally had enough and said I'm done 05:38 with you, and threw his stuff out the door. 05:40 So I was really close to my grandma, she was one of the 05:45 greatest people in the world. 05:46 I looked up to her and I loved her so much. 05:49 And I was really close to her because I had no 05:52 relationship with my parents. 05:53 But then December 24th, which is the day before Christmas. 06:00 Well, she started getting really sick, because she 06:05 smoked from when she was in 6th grade, so she's smoked 06:09 a long time, she kept trying to quit. 06:11 I can't tell her to quit and would actually get so 06:14 mad at my parents and my grandmother 06:15 because everybody smoked. 06:16 And I hated it, one time I was like I'm going 06:19 to grab their cigarettes and rip them up and 06:21 bury them in the ground. 06:23 And I know, they will get mad at me but I don't care. 06:25 As if there's no more cigarettes on the planet if I did 06:28 it - yeah, and I - but kids think like that. 06:30 We weren't the richest family, we have food stamps and 06:35 stuff like that, but so much money went to cigarettes, 06:39 and it just annoyed me because I was like why are we 06:43 spending so much on cigarettes. 06:45 But anyway, so she started getting really sick. 06:49 And I remember, I came and started going with Luke and 06:53 Candace which were people in a group called Pathfinders. 06:57 It's like a boy's Girl Scout thing, but its religious - right 07:01 I love that group, I was a Pathfinder leader once. 07:05 I really had fun with that. 07:07 Oh well I was having a hard time because I had moved in with my 07:13 dad and I don't get along with my dad at all, because I 07:16 just, I don't know. 07:18 Because he was violent - yeah, he is changing now, but 07:23 he still - still has junk - he actually stopped drugs and 07:29 alcohol, stuff like that, that's good I should 07:31 give him some credit - right. 07:32 So anyway Luke and Candace took me in - Luke and 07:35 Candace are related to Monica - yeah, yes. 07:40 Luke's aunt is Monica - okay - so they took me in and 07:44 at first - they must be just the coolest family on the 07:49 planet right, this family - yeah. 07:50 I mean, everybody is rescuing kids - they are like just 07:53 come on - how fun is that. 07:55 But yeah, they took me in and at first I was like. 07:59 Well, I had a hard time, I'm going to live with 08:02 this family, they have stuff a home way 08:06 better than my house. 08:07 So I was just like sweet, this is going to be really fun. 08:10 I moved in, and I remember the first few months was hard 08:16 on them, because - you're so nice, that you were hard on them 08:21 Well, so anyway moved in their house, and I really 08:29 started to see how they were very Godly. 08:32 They really showed me things that I didn't get to see in my 08:36 old family because there was no love. 08:38 Well, like no one really associated with each other - 08:41 because all that junk was happening - yeah, and 08:44 everybody was doing their own thing. 08:45 The kids were out of the house, my mom was doing stuff 08:48 at the house and everybody was just into their own stuff. 08:53 So was really cool to see how Godly they were, there was no 08:58 arguing, because ours was use to Ah, you know, the yelling. 09:03 But in their house, they sat down and talked about it, 09:05 they would leave each other for awhile and then come 09:08 back and discussed everything. 09:10 They didn't just yell and throw things - they were not 09:13 out of control - yeah. 09:14 Even if they had to deal with issues they dealt with 09:18 them, just were out of control. 09:19 Yes, my siblings and I had issues with each other, 09:22 we would throw things at each other, 09:23 you know chase each other around the house with knives. 09:25 You know what I want to do is I want to meet your mom. 09:29 And I got to meet her, because you said to me at one 09:32 point is that you wanted me to meet your mom. 09:35 And you are so proud of her recovery and her journey 09:39 with God and that was unfolding for her and that you 09:43 were so proud you wanted to introduce us. 09:45 And I met her on My Space which cracks me up, okay. 09:48 So I'm going to bring your mom up. 09:49 Okay, will you come up, and I just want to say, go ahead 09:53 and have a seat, when you come up Rosalina right? 09:55 We haven't met in person other than today I met you online. 10:01 So now what I want you to tell us is that she talked 10:06 about the home life, that must be hard to hear from your child. 10:10 You know, it is, but it isn't because of who I used to 10:16 be, I can help others today. 10:18 So was her take on it, you know more about what was 10:22 happening in the relationship than even she does, 10:25 because she was a kid - yeah. 10:26 Well, there was a lot of fear why I gave her away. 10:29 And what I should have done was gotten rid of the 10:32 relationship, but at 16 years old, a child trying 10:35 to raise a child. 10:37 I decided to protect her, the best thing to do is to 10:40 give her away not knowing it was going to stir up anger 10:43 issues later - and you know, what is really interesting 10:46 is that my mom got rid of me at 2 when I was little 10:49 and I was 10 or sent me to live with an aunt. 10:52 She set me to live with somebody she knew would love me. 10:55 And that's probably what you do with your mom and her, 10:57 because she knew she would take care of you. 11:00 So, you are 16, you were a kid yourself. 11:02 With somebody that was violent - yeah, I was a kid and 11:05 going to school, and always working trying to support 11:08 everything because he didn't work or anything. 11:11 Throughout the years I went on with the abuse, 11:15 went on with the hurt. 11:16 Then I started to do some things that were not me. 11:19 I used be raised in church, and so there were a 11:22 conscience of knowing what I was doing and it was not 11:26 what God had wanted. 11:27 And knowing that there was a lot of things that 11:31 God had His hand on. 11:32 There was a lot of things that I could have done but 11:34 didn't do because there was that spirit that lived 11:36 inside of me - when you looked back on that you can see 11:39 clearly - oh yeah - not when you were there, but when 11:42 you look back - yeah. 11:43 And then I discovered the drugs - then somebody says 11:45 the hand of God was not on me, and I 11:48 I'm thinking, you would not survived it. 11:49 Then I experienced drugs for a couple years and ended up 11:53 going to jail and in the process of me going to jail 11:57 Amanda ended up with Candace and Luke. 11:59 It has just been a blessing watching myself grow - when 12:03 did God come back into your life where you said - 3 12:08 years ago - alright - and now I have - give me a kiss. 12:12 And I've served the community and dealing with other 12:16 women who have experienced the same experience. 12:19 And so when he came back in jail - came back in a 12:23 recovery home and surrendered October 19,2005 and I 12:26 surrendered everything to Him - you know that your 12:29 daughter was so proud of you that she Like when I met her. 12:34 You have to meet my mom. 12:36 It's like with somebody tells me that. 12:39 And I see in their eyes that you just have to meet her, 12:43 you know, you have to meet her and she's coming back to 12:46 God and loving that. 12:48 It is stepping into a ministry, working with other 12:51 women, how cool is that! 12:54 And the damage that happens in our lives still has to 12:57 unfold God still has to heal it, all that kind of stuff, 13:01 but God says, you know what I will make all things good. 13:04 Amen - and I'm thinking, how do you do that - a gift 13:07 for those who love Him - what is really interesting 13:10 is, as He unfolds that and it all turns out. 13:11 You see children blessed and relationships blessed and 13:15 all that kind of stuff. 13:17 You are remarried to a wonderful guy, I wish we had time 13:19 to introduce him, cause he's here with you now, and God 13:22 is blessing your life. 13:24 Incredible, I want to introduce Beau, thank you for joining us. 13:28 So what was funny is when I looked up and saw you, I thought 13:33 know what you probably just came out from smoking weed 13:36 in the back room. 13:37 That is the first thing I thought about. 13:38 So I want, you just tell us was that take right and who 13:41 drug you to the meeting? 13:43 Well, the take was right, it was. 13:46 Getting drug to the meetings wasn't really. 13:50 I never really got drug to meetings. 13:53 I volunteered, ever since I grew up kind of always had 13:59 something to do with the church. 14:00 No matter what my mom was really never a churchgoer 14:02 but I always had something to do with the church. 14:04 Coming to see you was kind of dreadful at first - can I 14:09 ask, can I ask you because when you said that I know 14:13 you're living with Monica right? 14:15 She is not your mom, you call her mom, but she's not 14:18 your real mom. 14:19 And so where did you come from and briefly go into that. 14:22 And that I just want to get back to where I met you. 14:25 I just fell in love with you, I just think you're coolest ever 14:27 So how did you where did you come from? 14:30 I came from Modesto so I was born in Sonora 14:33 originally in California. 14:34 I live with my mom, and it was just a drug addict area. 14:38 She always made sure there was a roof over my head, but 14:42 no matter where ever I went. 14:45 There was always a church somewhere near round - was 14:47 your dad around - no. 14:48 My dad left when I was 3, and my mom went to drive 14:51 me up to see him one time, and all of a sudden he was 14:53 just gone and I haven't seen him since. 14:55 but you know it's him missing out not just me. 14:59 So just doing that and I lived with my mom for a while 15:05 and she sent me to my grandma. 15:07 She moved to a small town in the mountains and kind of 15:10 recovered from drugs. 15:11 She has really turned her life around - Amen, 15:15 how cool is that! 15:16 It's nice to see it, she has got another boyfriend now, 15:20 with a 7-year-old boy, my little brother - your brother. 15:25 So your living with Monica, how did that happen? 15:30 And how did you get in their place? 15:31 Well just being a teenager I was, and never really listened 15:35 to my mom, I kind of fell into smoking weed and just 15:39 doing bad things in school. 15:42 The community - you got kicked out of a few schools - 15:46 yeah, I did, I did - when you say that you say it's so 15:49 nice like, I kind of did, and I'm thinking kind of, you 15:53 got kicked out they didn't even want you there. 15:55 That's like get this guy out of here, out of I my life, 15:58 and so when you ended up with Monica it cracks me up 16:02 because she's such a sweetie, but you are probably hard 16:05 to deal with, at first. 16:06 Oh, I guarantee you I was without question - and as 16:08 sweet as you look, I'm thinking he's so calm his 16:11 testimony and I'm like, get out. 16:13 Because to me, all that junk, just kind of followed you 16:17 where ever you went, and you know, for authority for 16:20 someone to tell you what to do it was like hold off. 16:23 Yeah, big time, big time, yeah hold off. 16:25 I have big-time problem with authority - of course, why 16:28 wouldn't you, I mean with the life that you've had. 16:30 Why wouldn't you - kind of growing up in teaching 16:33 myself and just taught in going through the motions. 16:38 So one point I kind of called you out at smoking weed in 16:41 front of the congregation and everybody laughed because 16:44 everybody knew I was telling the truth, but I didn't know 16:46 that they knew, so talk about about our meeting. 16:49 Is there anything in particular that you remember 16:52 about that meeting? 16:53 Oh Man, okay, you know, we were walking in to the 17:00 church, and I see you seen up there and I'm thinking, oh great 17:02 Oh this crazy ex-drug addict lady, she is just going to 17:05 go on about her story and ramble on about God and say. 17:07 She gave her life, blah, blah, blah. 17:09 And you know, I'd drove from Grove land, and I had my 17:13 little brother with me. 17:14 I ended up sitting in the front row, because you asked 17:18 for some of the teenagers to come sit in the front row 17:21 for a demonstration or something - I needed everybody 17:25 in the front row, leave and you guys came up. 17:27 Exactly, and we walked up and were sitting down and you 17:32 had a 20 dollar bill in your hand. 17:33 And you go, who wants to trade a 20 dollar bill for a 50? 17:37 My mom here is I will and she traded a 50 dollar bill, 17:40 and you are hold in this 50 dollar bill in your hand. 17:44 50 dollar bill, so I will do a demonstration - that's 17:47 the real 50 let me see. 17:48 And it's not fake it's not forfeited or nothing. 17:51 It's a real 50- it is - I got from the bank - it's 17:53 really new - it's it is, its crispy. 17:55 So are you going to do the demonstration - I am just 17:57 because I can. 17:59 So she takes his 50 dollar bill and shows it around and 18:03 ask who wants this 50 dollar bill, and everybody is like 18:08 woo Hoo well, anytime - all the kids were crazy, it 18:11 was like I so want it. 18:13 Well yeah cause, you know the town that live we live in 18:16 is small, and there's not really that much money that 18:20 floats around. 18:21 Not that many jobs that you can do and stuff like that, 18:23 So 50 dollars is hey you know, 18:26 anyways, so you know you're holding it in crinkling it up. 18:29 And you throw down on the ground and kind of step on it. 18:32 Then you pick it up, and this was the one that really 18:38 got everybody, you spit on it and crumbled it up - well 18:43 I heard in the background, Yew, and so I asked if 18:48 they still want this 50 bucks? 18:49 And some people put their hand down, everybody were like Yeah. 18:51 And she spreads it out and said well, who wants this 18:54 50 dollar bill? 18:55 And I'm like well I'll still take it - and you asked me why? 19:00 it's been spit on, stepped on, it doesn't look as 19:03 good as it did before - and I said, because it is still 19:06 worth the same. 19:07 And you turned around and said, that is the way God looks at us. 19:10 That was really big, that 50 dollar bill was my life at 19:15 a younger age, getting stepped on, spit on, not physically 19:21 really, but - exactly. 19:22 But in that whole sense - and God still wanted me. 19:26 And so that was a big thing. 19:28 Then you go on talking to the people in church, and you 19:31 are standing pretty much on the other side - so I had 19:34 given him the 50 bucks, because he got it, he so got it. 19:37 I just thought, you know what I'll just pray, everything 19:40 in me just wanted to pray that he literally heard that 19:43 even though you're acting like an idiot, you're angry, 19:46 you're smoking weed or 19:48 what ever God does not look at you any different than 19:51 the person He created you to be. 19:52 He knew you from the womb, He has always known you 19:54 and always loved you. 19:56 When I gave him the 50 dollars I, it was almost like 19:59 part of me wanted to say, please never forget this. 20:01 So I gave him the 50 bucks, and then I go on talking 20:04 right - right. 20:05 And it's not like 5 minutes later. 20:08 It's more like 20 minutes later, and she's talking 20:11 an I don't remember what she is talking about, her story. 20:15 She's talking about the whole drug thing and all that other 20:20 good stuff, anyway no, and she just stops dead in her tracks. 20:25 It might be the one brain cell thing I'm not sure - and 20:28 it lined up with you - and all of a sudden she just 20:31 turns and goes, you're not going to buy a weed with that are you? 20:33 She just hit me straight on the spot and I totally 20:37 wasn't expecting it and was like no. 20:39 What do you mean, you know. 20:42 Just for everybody to know, I went and got gas - and 20:46 what is really interesting to me because I hadn't seen 20:49 you since then. 20:50 And when I first ran into him on this trip, he literally 20:52 came up to me and said to me I want you to know that I 20:54 went and bought gas with that. 20:56 I just want to say that for one, how cool you were to remember 21:00 let me know that, I know that God has a plan for your life. 21:04 Because you didn't want to come here again to this drug addict 21:09 talk about her story and God. 21:10 Well no, I did, I mean, I was excited about it, but on 21:14 the way here things kind of happened. 21:16 My heart started to get hardened and we showed up and I 21:20 was just like, I don't even want to be here, I just want 21:23 to go home - you just drove 36 hours - I'm 21:25 just sitting there listening to music. 21:27 I'm just like you know, I do not want to be here, 21:31 spending money that I do not have, and I was really 21:34 excited about it at first, you know. 21:36 I just didn't really know what was happening - then 21:40 last night you meant a group that - that night we found 21:44 out they had a small concert. 21:47 We went out and ate - and this was the Otto family 21:50 concert and they are an incredible group from Australia. 21:53 So, they have been blessing us with being on the show, 21:56 but also did a concert in town. 21:58 We went out in ate I figured we come back and it will 22:01 be too and I don't want to show up in the middle of 22:03 it, or nothing like that. 22:05 We ended up getting back it was only like 7:15. 22:09 Mom and them drove down and put some groceries away and 22:14 I walked on down. 22:15 As soon as I walked into the building my whole body just 22:20 started tingling, I mean literally as soon as I stepped, 22:25 the first step it was like woof. 22:28 Softened, I was like wow - what is happening - what in 22:34 the world, you know. 22:35 I don't have the piece of paper, but um, one second with that. 22:40 So I walked in and set down in the very back, mom didn't 22:44 know I was there a you didn't know was there. 22:45 And I almost went up and sat next to you, but nobody 22:48 really knew I was there. 22:49 And I was sitting there listening to them and my heart 22:51 really started to get softened. 22:53 This one little girl, she was 7 years old Danielle. 22:57 She was sitting in front of me kind of sitting there 23:02 holding her grandma and stuff like that. 23:04 All of a sudden gets up and she is writing on this piece of 23:07 paper, she's just writing stuff down, writing stuff down. 23:10 And she just really concentrated on this piece of 23:14 paper, and I'm like okay, she's just drawing to keep 23:17 yourself occupied. 23:18 And I'm paying attention to everybody up on stage and 23:22 stuff like that and all of a sudden I see out of the 23:25 corner my eye this little piece of paper moving 23:27 down on the floor. 23:28 I'm like, you know, my legs are crossed and I am kind of 23:33 just watching. 23:34 This piece of paper is getting pushed closer to me from 23:37 underneath the seat. 23:38 And this little girl just kind of leaning back-and-forth at me. 23:42 All of a sudden, I looked down and read the piece of 23:45 paper and it said, God loves you no matter what. 23:48 And it was a picture of me and this little girl Danielle 23:51 sitting in front of me. 23:53 It was just like whoa - Amen - I don't even know this 23:57 little girl, I didn't even know she was 7 years old 24:01 until after the fact. 24:02 I just figured another little girl - you just bless you 24:07 - it was like woo - wow. 24:10 Do you know what I am sorry to say that we have to 24:14 close, but I know that God is after you, and He's put 24:17 you in a cool place and the fact that He brought you 24:21 into my life I feel grateful. 24:22 I feel grateful - I'm glad He put you in mine - last 24:25 night after the concert, they hung out and blessed you 24:27 more, you left with the band. 24:29 Oh Man! - how cool are you? 24:30 Okay by, I love you, I love you. 24:34 And do I get that 50 bucks, Amen - alright. 24:39 We are going to go ahead and take a break and I want you 24:42 to know that as you have seen in every one of these 24:44 folks, God wants to be so present in your life too. 24:47 And I don't care who you are, if you are smoking weed in 24:50 the back, or you just coming from a horrible situation, 24:52 or just coming from a treatment center, you are just coming 24:55 from jail, or you are sitting in the church just dying because 24:58 you haven't been sharing with anybody who you are. 25:00 God knows who you are, and He loves you, He loves you, 25:03 and he'll will have like little girls who are 7 slide 25:06 notes to you, I love you no matter what, I love you. 25:10 We will be right back, stay with us! |
Revised 2014-12-17