Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Joe Bates, Melissa Bates
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00058B
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00:14 Welcome back, now I want to introduce you to the
00:16 rest of the family. 00:18 So Joel thank you for joining us 00:19 all the program. 00:20 Thank you for having me. 00:21 I can't wait to hear everything that you have to say 00:24 about these changes that were made and all that stuff. 00:26 First of all I want to talk with Ian. 00:29 Ian I love you, you know that don't you? 00:33 Yeah. 00:34 So I'm going to ask you, one of the first things that 00:38 you shared with me, well two things. 00:40 What you wanted to do when you grew up and 00:43 also about your garden. 00:45 So I would like to know both those things and you can 00:47 start where every you want. 00:49 First say what your name is in how old you are. 00:51 Hi I'm Ian and I am 7 and like doing stuff 01:00 like cars and working on stuff. 01:05 Okay so cars and working on stuff. 01:07 You tell me that you wanted to be a missionary. 01:11 Okay, so tell me again. 01:14 Um, I want to be a missionary pilot when I grow up. 01:20 You know what I loved about that? 01:22 What? 01:23 Because when you said a missionary pilot, I was like 01:25 shut up, a missionary pilot where you are actually 01:28 going to fly different places. 01:30 What was really cool to me, is that you are 7. 01:33 You really do have a heart for God, which is cool. 01:37 So when I got home and left your place and right before 01:44 I left your place, your uncle invited me to his place. 01:47 He has planes everywhere. 01:49 He has remote control stuff everywhere. 01:51 Tell me a little bit about your uncle. 01:54 Well he is interested in planes. 02:01 Trains - everything - everything. 02:04 Anything that has, he just builds stuff, right? 02:07 No, he bought stuff. 02:12 He buys it and puts it together. 02:14 Doesn't he built his own remote control planes? 02:16 Yeah - cool. 02:19 So he showed me that, so I went home and ordered you 02:22 a plane because I thought, you know what God I want 02:25 to give him his first plane if he is going to be 02:26 a missionary pilot. 02:27 How long did it take to get to your house? 02:30 About... - months! 02:34 It took for ever, I kept calling the people, 02:36 did you say Ian's plane yet? 02:38 It took them for ever, but you finally got it. 02:40 Had to get put together yet? 02:42 No. 02:43 Not until spring? 02:44 Yep. 02:45 Cool, I want to fly it out when you get put together, 02:48 I want to fly out. 02:49 So a missionary pilot and you also have a garden. 02:52 Tell us a little bit about your garden. 02:54 Well it has little poles sticking up in one pole on 03:00 the top end and it goes down again. 03:02 So it is a raised garden, has a box. 03:04 Yeah and then I have my own little garden that is about 03:09 from that table to this table to that table and back. 03:14 Good, so you put whatever you want in there? 03:17 Yep. 03:18 You have your rows the vegetables? 03:20 Yeah, and I actually got a melon from it. 03:24 That is cool, I have a picture of you with the zucchini about.. 03:27 oh yeah, I remember that. 03:30 It was huge, you walked in and I thought it was 03:33 bigger than you. 03:34 That is so funny. 03:37 We still have the picture. 03:40 You do? That is cool. 03:42 So what is really funny to me, is when your mom talks 03:45 about how she is trying to make the house a better 03:48 house to live in. 03:49 Do you like the way she does that? 03:52 That's way cool. 03:54 Okay I'm going to let you go play, because I know 03:56 you have been dying to go play. 03:58 So why don't you take off and go play and I'm going 04:01 to talk with your dad. 04:02 Okay, bye! 04:03 Bye thanks! 04:04 You're welcome. 04:07 That was fun, what is really fun to me even with Ian, 04:11 I know that you have gardens for all the kids. 04:15 The household is organized and 04:18 you have the control manual. 04:19 It wasn't always like that, so tell us from your take 04:23 what was the change? 04:25 Well I know once Melissa did get into Fly Ladies stuff, 04:30 we were like I say, it was the dark days. 04:34 We had a kind of come into the house and 04:39 it was like a dungeon. 04:41 I would almost, some days, feel like I didn't want to go 04:44 home from work because I knew that there was going to be 04:48 laundry to do, just to try and help her and take care of 04:53 the kids and all these things. 04:54 It really got to a depressing point I think for all of 04:59 us in the family, it was just really a dark, dark time. 05:04 But as she got into it, I was pretty skeptical. 05:08 I figured we just something for her to not do laundry. 05:13 Now she's just going to be looking at these e-mails 05:16 in writing out these lists and all these things. 05:19 Nothing was going to get done, I was pretty cynical 05:21 about it or skeptical. 05:23 Probably both! 05:25 Yeah, yeah 05:27 because it's huge changes which is really interesting 05:31 when you talk about all these e-mails, when you ask 05:35 for help, and it is an Internet Ministry, is I was 05:38 surprised I probably got 20 e-mails in a day. 05:41 Did you get your shoes on? 05:42 Did you get your laundry in yet? 05:43 Finally I am thinking, stop sending me e-mails because 05:47 no the laundry is not in yet. 05:48 And my shoes are not on. 05:49 But you do, you get reminders throughout the day. 05:52 So all that is changing and you are not sure it is 05:55 going to be an actual change? 05:58 Yeah, and especially when I saw the dishes out of the 06:02 sink and on the counter. 06:03 I was like at least if they are in the sink we don't 06:06 see them on the counter. 06:07 But after a little while she stuck with it and didn't 06:12 give into my telling her it was not a good idea. 06:16 Let's just buckle down and get this stuff done. 06:19 She just kept to the routine, and kept working on it. 06:22 I would start to see little things, like the counter 06:25 would start to be clean. 06:27 Then the rack above the washer and dryer, 06:30 there was actual soap and things sitting up there 06:34 where it all belonged. 06:35 Just little things here and there started to really 06:39 make an impact. 06:40 All of a sudden it just was a gradual thing but it seemed 06:45 like all the sudden overnight. 06:47 And the clutter all of a sudden starts to be gone! 06:49 And what is really interesting to me, and I know Melissa 06:52 you guys have felt it is that as that stuff starts to 06:56 change in your home, you start to let your shoulders down. 07:00 It starts to be where you want to come home. 07:02 Even though it seems weird for me, and I thought about 07:07 doing this program on Fly Lady, or cleaning the house or 07:11 whatever, I thought is anybody going to want to watch it? 07:13 Then I thought it's the secret to recovery. 07:16 We think recovery is about learning about our molest 07:20 issues, or what started us to be so angry or whatever. 07:22 But really recovery is to put one foot in front of the 07:25 other and do the right thing today. 07:27 Sometimes the right thing is just cleaning the sink. 07:31 You are saying, you felt the difference? 07:34 Oh yeah, you are just more relaxed. 07:39 Just when you do not have all that stuff around, 07:42 you do not have these big jobs just looming over you 07:45 that steps behind all the time. 07:47 You are able to start enjoy just hanging out. 07:52 Getting the garden going? 07:54 You can sit on the couch and now look at, 07:57 be looking into the kitchen and saying, 08:00 man, there's a lot of dishes in there, or whatever! 08:03 You can spend time as a family and do other things 08:08 and not feel guilty about doing other stuff because 08:11 you have things that you need to have done. 08:13 When I think of the woman, there is just something about 08:16 whenever our house is dirty we just feel drained. 08:22 Like it is always on our shoulders, like a weight on 08:26 us exactly and we cannot concentrate on much else fully. 08:30 So to be able to have those things done 08:33 is just so freeing. 08:36 What is really interesting, we say as a woman, 08:39 as soon as you start to take care of your home in this way, 08:43 everybody else pitches in. 08:45 The kids have their own gig that they do, 08:48 they all have jobs. 08:49 Joe I am sure that when it is not so overwhelming, 08:51 you were helping when it was overwhelming, 08:53 but it is easier when things are in control. 08:56 Your house is beautiful. 08:59 Thank you! 09:00 Your walkway, even I see that you have this walkway you 09:04 are working on, and the gardens for the kids. 09:06 So for me to come into your home, it is not like when 09:09 you were a kid and couldn't have people over. 09:10 People can come in to your house anytime and feel 09:14 at peace and welcomed. 09:16 Well thank you, and that is one of the reasons why I 09:20 personally like this so much, it is because I can 09:25 minister to other people. 09:26 People can come over and when we first built our home, 09:29 We want this to be a place where people can come 09:33 and get to know Jesus. 09:34 I am so thankful that he is able to use our home. 09:39 What is really fun is that it is a place like that, 09:43 so you guys by doing these baby steps you've allowed 09:47 God to come in and change. 09:48 I want to go ahead and meet the rest of the family. 09:51 I'm going to ask him some questions and in I want to 09:53 get away from what this is done as far as 09:56 to de-clutter the house. 09:58 How this has worked in your spiritual life? 10:00 And who you are. 10:01 Because I know that that is really where the wash rag hits 10:06 the sink, where the rubber hits the road or what ever. 10:09 I was trying to keep the sink thing going, but I couldn't. 10:13 It's kind of lame, but I tried. 10:14 I want to introduce you to the rest of the family, 10:17 I want to hear their take on it and then I want to get 10:19 back to you on how this is been in a spiritual way. 10:21 So the first person I would like to talk with is Cassidy. 10:25 Cassidy I know there has been a lot changes that you have 10:28 seen that maybe some of the younger kids have not seen. 10:31 So we are going to talk about that. 10:32 So Cassidy tell us a little bit about yourself and 10:35 what your take is on everything that your mom was saying? 10:39 Well I did notice that our house was really cluttery. 10:44 I think our school room was really the worst. 10:48 That is where we spent most of our day and it was just 10:52 absolutely disastrous because we had all our school stuff 10:55 all over the place. 10:57 We had one cabinet where we went. 10:58 You are home schooled? 10:59 Yes so it was like hard to do school and we would get so 11:06 frustrated, but then mom started to the Fly Lady. 11:10 She bought these little boxes where we put our school 11:14 blocks, and our math books, and our pencils, 11:17 and our erasers, because you could not find 11:20 an eraser in our house. 11:21 So we started organizing and it became really 11:27 easy to do school. 11:28 It was just amazing how much closer we got as a family 11:34 because when the house is cluttered and a mess, 11:38 we were always mad at each other. 11:40 Isn't it weird that, that really makes a difference? 11:43 It's like you do get frustrated with everybody. 11:45 People are on edge and I don't even think 11:48 you know why, really. 11:49 No you don't, it is just like you are blaming 11:52 everybody else because you're in a bad mood. 11:54 Because I can't find an eraser. 11:56 Yeah, I can't find an eraser anywhere and you can't 12:00 find anything and so you are yelling at everybody else. 12:03 Like, where is this? 12:05 It is frustrating but then mom started to do the Fly Lady 12:09 thing and it just opened up like the walls we had 12:12 between us came off one brick at a time. 12:17 We became closer to each other. 12:19 We could talk to each other. 12:22 My mom's new saying is that your family should be 12:29 your main circle of friends. 12:30 So you should be closer to your family than you're 12:34 outside friends. 12:35 Is just amazing how it has impacted us as a family. 12:40 We can do a lot more stuff. 12:42 Like now I can have friends over and spend the night. 12:45 That is really fun. 12:46 Because you are not so crazy. 12:48 Yeah it's not! 12:49 It's not so dark you feel like you have to hide the 12:52 laundry if your friends come over, or cleaned up by 12:54 putting things under the bed. 12:56 Yeah. 12:57 What is really amazing to me is their stuff shoved 13:01 under your bed now? 13:02 Ahhh, No! 13:04 I know I was taken a risk asking that question. 13:08 You was going, oh man... 13:10 But even those things change a little bit, which causes peace 13:14 to come into the relationship in the house. 13:16 Yeah and I can, my mom with the Fly Lady thing is 13:20 she is teaching us kids how to clean our rooms. 13:25 When you wake up you get out of bed, you make your bed. 13:30 Right when you get out because if it is not made when 13:34 you are by it, it is not going to get done. 13:37 Is it more than just making your bed, do you think? 13:43 I mean does it mean more than just that? 13:45 I think it is nice to be able to, I think it means a lot 13:52 to me because I feel like I doing something to help me 13:59 and my family. 14:00 I don't know if this sounds weird or anything, 14:03 but you feel almost like you are doing it for God, 14:06 as a love for God. 14:08 You can come into your room and read your Bible and do 14:16 stuff and there's not clothes everywhere, trashed up. 14:22 It is not like that, you can come in and relax and talk 14:28 to God in peace and hear Him talk to you. 14:31 I have noticed because we do not have so much clutter 14:37 and do not have the walls between us, we can talk to God 14:43 better as a family and personally too. 14:45 I love that, I love the fact that everything about what 14:49 is happening in your home is allowing you peace 14:52 and relationships to get better and all those things. 14:56 I have a feeling that we think the simple part of just 15:00 cleaning house, just doing the right thing day by day has 15:04 nothing to do with anything but whether 15:06 the laundry is done. 15:07 I believe what God is telling me is that it has 15:09 something to do with everything. 15:11 How your family interacts with each other, 15:13 how you interact with the world. 15:14 I love the way you said that Cassidy. 15:17 I want to introduce you now to Ella. 15:19 Ella you are the youngest girl, right? 15:23 So you did not see how bad it was with all the clutter 15:28 was because you came later. 15:30 Do you have any sense of how bad it was or has always 15:32 been together and clean and organized? 15:35 Yeah kind of. 15:38 So what is your take on it? 15:41 When you hear everybody talking, 15:42 what do you feel about that? 15:48 Not sure? 15:49 What are you learning, because I know you have a 15:52 morning routine that you do. 15:53 Tell us a little bit about the morning routine and 15:55 was it hard for you to start? 15:58 Yeah. 15:59 Okay, what is actually involved in that? 16:04 Well I had to make my bed and clean my room. 16:10 Then to clean off the counter and the table. 16:16 I had to brush my teeth and my hair. 16:20 Then we did our worship. 16:25 That is all the part of the morning routine? 16:27 And no matter what happens, whether the sun is up 16:30 or down, or what ever the morning routine happens? 16:34 I love that, I don't know if you love that yet? 16:39 But I love that. 16:40 Okay I'm going to talk with your dad. 16:42 Your dad and mom. 16:44 So I am looking at this family at different levels 16:48 so I have an awareness up with the changes are. 16:51 All the way to Ella who says I have no idea. 16:56 Now you have a new baby that is six months old. 17:01 He will never know the difference, he will never know 17:03 those dark days that Joe, you talked about. 17:05 His life is going to be this family that loves each 17:09 other and are best friends. 17:11 Each of the kids have their own garden. 17:13 You are outside doing things. 17:15 People can come into your home. 17:17 Now I want to come back to the point that I do not want 17:21 anyone to think that this show is about cleaning house. 17:24 It really isn't. 17:25 What has it done in your personal lives, 17:30 your relationship with each other, and your healing, 17:32 to clean your sink? 17:36 Well for me it has created a bond with me and Melissa. 17:43 I have been able to see her overcome something that she 17:48 was having trouble with and it also helped me to see how 17:54 I could be helping her more. 17:55 It gave me a direction to just be that part of her and 18:01 support her when she sees something in her life that needs 18:05 to change, instead of me just being no you can't do it. 18:10 And being down on her. 18:11 To see how she has actually grown through that just helps, 18:17 it helps me to be able to stand by her a little bit more 18:21 and support her and help her in the things that she is 18:26 trying to do in her life. 18:27 Has it anyway Joe, because you know I adore you, 18:32 I adore you. 18:33 From the moment we met at a, I was a speaker at a 18:36 Men's Retreat, that cracked me up. 18:39 But we met there and I adored you then before 18:42 I met your family. 18:43 Has it helped you to understand who you are as a father? 18:46 As it helped you to be in that role, I don't know if 18:50 I can say more honestly, were you more sincerely want 18:54 to be a good dad? 18:56 Oh definitely, it is just like with her she wants to be 19:01 more of a housekeeper, be more of a full woman for our 19:06 family and she has taught me through what she is doing 19:10 to be a man. 19:12 If I see something that needs to be done, to do it. 19:15 Whether it be helping the kids with their schoolwork, or 19:20 cleaning, or if something happens between their friends. 19:25 Doing worship? 19:26 Yeah especially with worship, that it's a big one because 19:30 I have been so inconsistent as the father of the House. 19:36 Having a consistent worship, it has helped to bring me to 19:41 the point where I can do this and find tools around me to 19:45 be able to use to keep my family. 19:49 One thing I will rescue you before we get any bad e-mails. 19:53 Does anybody know what I'm going to say now? 19:55 Is that you said you were going to help her to be a full 19:58 woman and do the housekeeping. 20:00 You did not mean just that? 20:01 No! 20:02 I just had to say that because I have women saying, 20:04 what did he mean by that? 20:06 So he did not mean that? 20:08 No, and I think for me, it's been harder for me to be 20:13 organized with my time. 20:15 It was harder for me to do that than it was for me 20:18 to give up smoking. 20:19 Isn't that funny? 20:20 It is! 20:21 God knows that that is my thing. 20:22 That I need a little more time with this, then I even needed 20:28 with that, so for me I know that God is a God of order. 20:32 He is working on me to try help me to be more orderly. 20:37 I have been learning to that a wise woman watches over 20:42 her household and is a good housekeeper. 20:47 God is really working on me for that. 20:51 And a housekeeper for somebody that has 20:54 junk, that has injuries in this area, housekeeper just 20:57 means, keeper of the home. 21:00 People delight to come in your home and want to go 21:04 into their own rooms. 21:05 To feel their shoulders come down, when they walk in 21:07 the house, because it is not all cluttered. 21:09 We as women or men have the privilege of learning to 21:13 heal in this area so that our homes become sanctuaries. 21:18 It's huge! 21:19 I have just been read a book that calls it a heart that 21:21 weaves a tapestry of beauty. 21:24 I really think that is what it is. 21:27 It is a heart that wants to make home a beautiful place to be. 21:30 If you've never had that, God can heal every aspect of 21:35 never having that as you learn how to shine your sink. 21:39 Right come because you know in so many ways I am learning 21:42 how to do things that people take for granted. 21:45 Explain that! 21:47 Well most people know how to keep their sink clean. 21:51 Most people know how to keep their bedroom picked up, 21:56 and I don't, I didn't, I didn't know how to do that. 22:00 I just so want to look right in the camera, 22:03 she says most people, when I walk around and deal with 22:06 most people and they don't. 22:08 We assumed they do, and we assume only see somebody all 22:12 dressed up and sitting in a public place, a church or 22:16 work or whatever, that their home life is all together. 22:20 What I am finding out is most of us are damaged in 22:23 that area, and it is interesting to look at the 22:26 degrees of damage. 22:27 God is saying, trust Me in this. 22:30 When He told me to just trust Me in this and do your 22:33 laundry today, I was just because I had baskets and 22:36 laundry and I'm thinking I don't want to do it. 22:40 What did I do wrong? 22:41 He says, nothing. 22:42 In the healing I am learning how to deal with the 22:46 healing of my depression, my anger, and all my junk. 22:51 He's just by doing those baby steps of getting 22:54 the house in order. 22:55 So tell me some of the things that you have learned as far as 22:59 healing in this process. 23:00 Well I guess I learned that God wants us to be beautiful 23:10 examples of what He is. 23:12 He wants us to be able to show people that it is possible 23:19 through Him to be able to live a life that is, I know 23:25 you hate the word, normal, what we perceive as normal. 23:30 Were we are able to do everyday things and do them well. 23:36 I love coming to your house, like for the first eight 23:42 years of my marriage, I don't think I put a 23:46 picture on the wall. 23:47 We had a ping pong table in the living room, 23:49 I like playing ping-pong. 23:50 Normal was really tough for me to come in and 23:53 just say, a couch and a coffee table, 23:55 like no way I'm never going there. 23:58 God is just let me just take you there? 24:00 When I came to you guys house and you have the stones 24:04 and are getting ready to do the new walkway up to your house. 24:07 Different plants that were going in, I wanted to sit 24:09 down and just tear up a little bit because that is so 24:13 much my heart's desire to have that kind of cool thing. 24:17 You know what I'm talking about? 24:19 Because you are doing it. 24:20 Right, and actually with that I had gone to a woman's 24:23 Bible study in one of the things they had us do to 24:27 pick five things out of different areas of our life 24:30 that we wanted to have. 24:32 One of the things on my list was I wanted to have a 24:35 well-kept yard, because that was one of the things 24:38 I was struggling with when I was working on the house. 24:41 The yard was always a mess. 24:43 You know garbage, our dog would get into the garbage 24:46 and it would be in the yard for days or whatever. 24:50 That was one of the things that God was working on me 24:53 that I needed to be able to keep the yard clean now too. 24:56 It is just one of those baby steps. 24:59 It is neat when you see people come over and they walk in, 25:04 especially people that we know, and they will be like to 25:08 them it feels like something is missing in the house. 25:11 You know, where is all the stuff? 25:12 But after they are they are a little while and you get 25:16 to talk about it, and Melissa will share some of the 25:19 things she has been learning with them. 25:20 You can just see a relieved look on their face saying, 25:25 maybe I don't need to have all these things around me 25:30 all time and you do see people actually relax and feel 25:35 comfortable without having a million 25:39 things all around them. 25:41 The house looks nice. 25:43 So you immediately get to minister to someone else. 25:48 You know they go home and do their sink. 25:50 Because I did, I left your house, I did your sink first, 25:54 but when I left your house, and what is really 25:56 interesting is that you find the benefit of the blessing 25:59 of that and it really does become your Ministry. 26:02 To give somebody else the privilege of 26:04 de-cluttering their life. 26:06 So there's all kind of stress management books, 26:11 all kinds of de-cluttering books, there is all kinds 26:14 of stuff and we need to do this in the spiritual sense. 26:17 Joe tell me if you seen this, spiritual sense as I 26:20 de-clutter the table, I literally am doing that 26:24 with my junk, my garbage. 26:26 You are able to learn through the physical stuff to 26:31 be able to put things in God's hands and just say, 26:35 You deal with this. 26:36 I do not need it and maybe I do not know how to get 26:40 rid of it, but you just take this from me and let me 26:43 be free from some of the stuff. 26:45 I'm free, I just want to say thank you so much for 26:47 coming on the program. 26:48 I was just blessed. 26:49 I know it is not all about housecleaning, but it is all 26:52 about doing baby steps. 26:54 Next time I want to hear your story Joe. 26:57 We are going to be right back stay with us. 27:00 I hope you were blessed. 27:02 I know I was blessed. 27:03 I'm going to go and clean the sink. 27:04 No I will be right back! |
Revised 2014-12-17