Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Holbrook Academy
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00068B
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00:13 Okay this is going to be
00:15 so much fun. 00:16 I'm going to introduce you 00:17 quickly to four people. 00:19 So Lorenzo you are going to be first, right? 00:22 So come on up and join me. 00:23 You heard what we were talking about? 00:26 So we are talking about our early walk, 00:30 so tell me a little bit, you said a little bit 00:33 about your family and what happened when you 00:35 actually got into school? 00:36 What did you struggle with the most? 00:38 Well I think I really struggled mostly with anger because 00:44 I had a lot of issues between me and my family. 00:48 Your family, was your family anything like mine? 00:52 Because my family was all just partying. 00:55 No! In what way was your family like? 00:58 Well my grandmother usually is pretty, 01:02 well she gets upset over the littlest thing like mis-matching 01:08 shoes she will chew your head off for that. 01:11 Were you raised by your grandma? 01:13 Yes because my mother and my father were 01:17 not able to take care of me. 01:19 Where are they? Where were they? 01:21 Well they were living together in Albuquerque then they 01:26 separated, divorced and now I'm living with my grandmother. 01:31 So you got to school and by the time you get to school 01:34 you are just full of anger? 01:36 Waiting for anyone to say anything? 01:38 Yes, yes and it was pretty easy too because people over 01:44 there in my school weren't the friendliest people. 01:48 So was easy? Yeah! 01:50 What is really interesting and what I found out with my 01:52 own anger, it is because my anger put people off. 01:56 That my anger was part of why they weren't so friendly. 02:00 They just didn't like me spitting on them, 02:02 do you know what I mean? 02:03 So sometimes it was our own anger. 02:06 Did you ever find that? 02:07 Yeah! So you are now at a different place? 02:11 You're with people trying to help you with anger issues. 02:14 Did you ever get into drinking? Any of that stuff? 02:19 Yeah I took a couple drinks every now and then. 02:24 But not much, yours is just anger? 02:26 Mostly anger! 02:27 So thanks for sharing that. 02:29 I'm going to bring up now Amber and so I am going one after 02:33 another so now anger with yours, you are dealing with that. 02:37 So your journey is with that and you are allowing someone 02:40 to step into your life and help you Heh? 02:42 So go ahead and have a seat and Amber come on up. 02:50 So Amber when I talk about my family, talk about your family 02:55 and maybe some of the stuff you are willing to share with us. 02:59 If some of the stuff to close right now, don't even share 03:04 that just the stuff you can. 03:06 Well both my parents split up and I've been staying with my 03:11 grandma ever since as a baby. 03:14 Where are your parents at? 03:16 Well I don't really know, my mom is in Phoenix and I think 03:24 my dad is in New Mexico somewhere. 03:27 Does this affect you, and this is a dumb question, you can 03:31 hit me later, but does it affect you do not know 03:34 where they are, to not know what they are thinking about 03:39 you or any of that stuff? 03:40 Well it used to but now I don't really care at all. 03:43 Because why? 03:45 I don't know, all of a sudden I just stopped caring. 03:49 It's like I can't keep going there? 03:52 Yeah I don't know where it started I think, I don't really 04:00 know because they're hardly there for me. 04:02 You heard that my family was all drugs and alcohol. 04:08 I chose drugs and alcohol which was crazy, you would think 04:13 I would run from that. 04:14 How do you survive the hurts in your life? 04:20 Well I used to cut now I am actually clean. 04:25 So for people don't know what cutting is, most teenagers 04:29 know exactly what you just said, right? 04:31 Because that is a very popular way to deal with your 04:36 sadness and not feeling connected, 04:38 but explain to somebody what cutting is. 04:41 Maybe you don't have to share your own experience. 04:43 But what is cutting, what do you mean by that? 04:48 It's like self injury, and that is pretty much it. 04:54 Ever since I was 12 and I didn't care what my parents 04:59 think I actually blamed everything on myself. 05:03 That if you are good enough they wouldn't have left? 05:07 Yeah and then from there I tried to commit suicide. 05:10 Now you are starting to deal with that so that 05:18 you are not so hurt? Yeah! 05:20 Let me for people who do not know, for a lot of folks that 05:25 are dealing with such tremendous sad nesses and not sure 05:30 why somebody has left or rejected or abandonment or 05:34 Depression is that cutting and burning gives you a sense of 05:38 at least connection, I don't hurt so much. 05:42 If I am going to feel so empty or so hurt if I cut at least 05:45 I put the pain all in one place. 05:49 And then you get a little bit of a break, 05:52 am I explaining it right? You mean like releasing? 05:57 Yeah! So that you release whatever is building up? 06:01 Yeah! I can survive if I can just get this out of me. 06:06 It is incredible to me that I know, and tell me if I am 06:10 right on this, right now you are working with some folks 06:14 at your school to learn to get it out in different ways? 06:19 Yeah! That is exciting to me. 06:22 Can you feel the depression lifting some what? 06:25 Yeah! Now I am starting to be actually a little happier 06:31 and sometimes I miss doing that kind of stuff but now 06:35 I'm trying to learn to just pray about it every time 06:40 I feel the urge do it. 06:41 So what we need to talk about is that sometimes you miss 06:44 doing those things, for a lot of people don't know it's 06:47 like an addiction because it works so well to release 06:51 that sometimes if you, for example, see a sharp object 06:55 what is the first thing that you think about? 06:58 Actually to cut. Yeah if you see a needle? 07:01 To poke at my vein or something like that. 07:08 So for a lot of people that have gone into cutting it is 07:11 like it is hard to even start seeing the objects in my 07:14 environment because I want to use them to release the 07:17 pain or hurt or emptiness that I feel. 07:20 So your recovery is saying, 07:23 I'm learning a different way to do it. 07:26 You know what is going to be exciting Amber? 07:29 There is going to be a point your life where you will see 07:31 a sharp object and you will not think of cutting first thing. 07:35 Unless it is like cutting for cooking a meal or whatever. 07:39 But you will not think of hurting yourself. 07:41 That is where I think it is exciting about recovery and I 07:44 know like you told me on the break but that is not where you 07:47 are at right now but that is where you are hoping to be. 07:50 Yeah! I'm hoping that too. 07:54 At the end of the program I would like to have prayer for 07:59 everyone, can I have prayer for you about that 08:01 at the end of the program? Sure! 08:03 Okay thank you the next person I would like to talk with 08:06 is Manuel, I would like for you to come up and we are going 08:10 to talk about the things that you have shared with me are 08:13 amazing to me, things you have struggled with, the things 08:17 from your family, and you are more like me than a lot of 08:20 the others as far as family stuff. 08:22 So talk a little bit about where you came from and 08:25 what happened in school. 08:27 What happened in school? Yeah and the family stuff. 08:30 Well I used to see my mom and dad fight and 08:37 I got tired of it so I used to stay with my grandma. 08:43 Did your mom and dad, were they alcohol involved? 08:47 They had all that stuff? Yeah! They drank and stuff. 08:50 I stayed with my grandma for a while. 08:52 I went to a public school and I used to get into a lot 08:57 of trouble, I used to fight and a lot of crazy things. 09:03 Use to drink, smoke. 09:04 Did you feel like when you first start going there that 09:07 for me anyway is I had to release the anger. 09:11 When I found out that alcohol and drugs worked as far as 09:15 to help me fit in, it seemed like everything worked by 09:19 doing it that way? Did you feel like this works for me? 09:23 Yeah! It releases were Amber talked about cutting. 09:28 You are saying no releases me to cut you? 09:30 Do you know what I mean? 09:32 I'm not going to cut myself so your anger actually 09:34 came out the other way? 09:36 I used to drink away my sorrows by drinking, smoking, 09:41 it just wasn't working. 09:44 Did you ever draw the attention of school authorities or 09:49 Law enforcement? No! 09:50 Never went to jail, never went to Juvenile hall? 09:53 Oh yeah I have been there a couple of times. 09:55 So talk about that little bit, because you are young still 09:58 so when you say a couple of times how old were you 10:02 the first time when you went to jail? 10:06 I was about 15 when I first went to jail. 10:10 What happened? I got into a fight with some people. 10:17 I was intoxicated so I got done in for, I don't know. 10:24 You are in for how long? About five days. 10:27 Plus during that time I was on probation 10:30 because I was drinking. 10:32 So when you got out did you go back to school? 10:36 Yeah! Did you fighting stop? 10:40 Did you learn your lesson? Did you stop drinking? 10:42 No, I continued more often and would fight 10:45 every week, every day. 10:47 Was there any body, and I guess I want to just say that 10:50 in my own life there was nobody I could look at that was 10:54 actually trying to do recovery, was trying to live their 10:57 life different, was there anybody in your life that was 10:59 trying to show you the way to live? 11:02 Well there was my grandma, but she passed back in October. 11:07 So she died of cancer right? Yeah! 11:09 I am sorry about that because I know that she was the 11:12 normal person in your life. 11:16 She was trying to help you to not drink, don't fight, 11:22 don't smoke, anybody else? 11:26 Cousins, friends, mom, dad. 11:30 Probably a couple of my aunties but they lived far away 11:34 from me so we don't see each other often. 11:36 So all of this is going on, you are even though you are 11:44 young, and are getting pulled into an addiction. 11:47 You want to drink every day, your using every day. 11:51 How did you stop? 11:54 Because I know you are not drinking today. 11:57 Well I was looking through this magazine and 12:01 I saw some ad about Holbrook Indian school and 12:06 I was talking to my grandma and she said yeah one 12:11 of my cousins was going to school there. 12:13 She told me to give them a call, so I guess she called. 12:18 You called them? No! She called them. 12:21 So I guess that's how I got it all. 12:23 So now you go to a school that not only has all kinds of 12:28 rules, you are going to live there, and the rules that 12:32 they have you are definitely not going to be drinking? 12:36 Or smoking, so what did you think? 12:40 Where you not crazy at first? 12:41 I didn't think anything, I didn't even know 12:46 it was a Christian school. 12:47 I did know what Seventh-day Adventist means so when 12:50 I went there I kind of freaked out. 12:57 Let me just ask you, because this is real interesting. 13:00 I love the fact that there are people in our lives, 13:03 as we travel through our lives, that will help us. 13:06 Did you pay for the school you went? 13:10 No! For me when I first came into recovery, 13:14 I didn't have a dime, my teeth needed to be fixed. 13:18 People stepped up and said let me cover that right now 13:22 while you are standing up. 13:23 I just want to say how cool is even that. 13:26 Because if somebody is not going to be doing that, 13:28 you are not going to be getting well right now. 13:31 When you get well I am going to ask you to 13:34 cover someone else. Alright? 13:36 Thank you for coming up and thank you for sharing with us. 13:39 I would like to now introduce you to Crystal. 13:42 Crystal come on up. 13:43 The first time we met we talked for a long time. 13:47 You have said this a couple times, even on this trip 13:51 you said that you feel like you are three people in one. 13:54 So tell us a little bit about your background, 13:56 where you came from, and why you feel that way? 14:00 I came from a background that, I felt like, 14:04 was a dysfunctional family, like my family wasn't one. 14:08 So your mom and dad are in the picture, 14:12 are not in the picture? 14:13 My dads in the picture, but my mom, not my mom. 14:16 She moved away, right? Do you know even where she is at? 14:20 No! Your dad does he raise you? 14:24 No! He is like, sometimes I go and visit him, 14:28 he didn't raise me. 14:30 So you are with your grandma? Yeah! 14:31 I know that you have been at this Holbrook school since 14:37 you were in the first grade. 14:38 I was surprised when we first met that you had been there 14:42 for almost your entire school, right? 14:45 It's a safe place for you? Yeah! 14:47 So one of the persons that you feel like this person at 14:52 school has goals, has people that love you, 14:57 you're in the choir, you are a beautiful singer, 15:00 so one person is that? 15:02 The other person is who? Crazy, like I'm up for anything. 15:10 But you have not always been that way, 15:12 so talk about some of your home visits and 15:15 how you got involved in to where you were partying? 15:19 Well when I was small I used to live at my grandparents. 15:25 We used to live in Port Defiance, we moved back because 15:31 my grandpa had land on the reservation, 15:32 so he wanted to start that. 15:34 So we moved back and that's where my cousins were. 15:37 When I was back and forth I had no one to hang around with. 15:42 No one your own age? 15:43 Yeah I just lived at my grandma, so we moved back and 15:47 I met my cousins and I was happy because I had someone 15:51 my age that I could hang out with and stuff like that. 15:54 We were hanging out and pretty soon they said, 15:58 we actually have older cousins, so they drank, 16:02 did drugs and stuff like that. 16:04 I have to say it must've felt incredible, 16:08 now I have people around me, 16:10 I can go hang out and play and all those things. 16:14 It must've felt really cool to be asked by the older 16:18 cousins for you to hang out. 16:19 But now it's like they are all using, 16:22 and they didn't trick you into using, 16:26 you all of a sudden wanted to try it, right? 16:28 The reason I say trick you into using it is because for 16:32 some of us I think their perception is somebody is hiding 16:36 behind a bush saying come on drink this. 16:39 But that is not how it happens. 16:41 We just look at everybody having a great time and 16:43 we want to try it. 16:45 When I was a little girl at the party's at my grandmothers, 16:48 I would sneak drinks because I wanted to try it too. 16:51 So you immediately started to like that part of yourself? 16:58 Yeah! That wild part! 17:00 Did it get you in trouble? 17:03 Not with my cousins around they always took the blame 17:07 and try to cover up for me. 17:09 So grandma never found out? Yeah that's right. 17:12 School doesn't find out? 17:13 And your cousins are covering for you? Yeah! 17:16 That is how you can be that person too? Um hum! 17:18 So that's the person at grandma's, the person at school, 17:24 the person at parties. Yeah! 17:26 And now you are trying to decide which one you are 17:29 going to let go off and which when you are going to keep? 17:34 That has got to be a little scary? Yeah it is! 17:37 What have you thought about so far, 17:40 what have you come up with? 17:41 Well the school, now that I am more open to one of my Auntie, 17:50 she makes me think a lot. 17:53 Like how she came down the road and it was hard 17:55 when she got out of high school. 17:56 I see all my family members, none of them went college, 18:02 well only two but they didn't get that far. 18:06 Now they're getting pushy and I'm getting mad 18:10 because they're pushing. 18:11 They are like hanging their hopes on you, you know 18:14 you can succeed in a family where we haven't. 18:18 So that's a lot of pressure too? Yeah, it makes me mad. 18:21 But you know what I want to say because we've talked. 18:25 I know that there is a part of view that is your hope and 18:29 dream to do college and to have because what is 18:33 your goal as far as what do you see yourself as? 18:36 Because I know you have goals, dreams? 18:38 I would like to go into music but I don't know. 18:44 It's a little scary? Yeah! 18:46 So not all the people around you has even done the 18:49 whole college thing? Yeah! 18:50 I remember you saying something to me that was really 18:54 interesting because my heart as an addict I so understand 18:58 this when you said I do home leave, remember when you said 19:01 that there is a part of me that doesn't want to come back? 19:04 So talk about that a little bit. 19:06 I don't want to go on and I don't want to come back. 19:10 When I'm at school I'm scared to go home because 19:13 I don't want to get caught up in that stuff again. 19:18 When I do go home I think it will stop but it doesn't, 19:23 so I start doing that stuff again and when it is time for me 19:27 to come back I don't want to come back. 19:29 Because now you're at it again? 19:30 So you really right now at this point in your life are 19:35 at a crossroads, you have to pick a road? Yeah! 19:39 That is a scary place because you can also pick 19:42 just partying, just being wild. 19:47 I just don't want you to you and leave here, 19:50 I wanted to say you are not leaving, 19:52 but you know it is really awful and good that 19:56 you are the only one that can actually 19:57 pick that road. Yeah! 20:01 What does your heart say, if you could just say this is 20:05 what I really want, this is what I want to choose? 20:09 Which one do you lean to more right now? 20:13 Going to my School. 20:16 And the dreams you have as far as music? 20:21 Yes! And that one brings you joy in life. 20:25 What grade are you in? Sophomore! 20:28 So you have got a couple more years, 20:31 they go up to the 12th grade right? Yeah! 20:33 So a couple more years at school. 20:35 So if anybody wants to keep you on their prayer list, 20:38 should they? Yeah! Yes, absolutely. 20:42 It's like to me is like when you are on that addiction side, 20:47 because I know from any of us that are having that struggle 20:51 with that lifestyle, 20:53 and being partying and being with our friends, 20:54 when we are on that side we don't even want 20:56 anyone to pray for us. 20:58 It's like no, no, no, I don't even want you to think about 21:01 me or pray for me, but when I'm on the side that has those 21:05 hopes and dreams we are begging people from our heart, 21:08 don't forget me, don't forget to cover me in prayer. 21:15 In your life who are the role models, like we did 21:20 a week of prayer together and I just remember just 21:24 looking at you and saying grab hold of somebody 21:29 that can be a role model for you. 21:31 So who are those people in your life and 21:33 how do they support you? Emotionally? 21:36 Probably I would have to say my auntie is basically 21:44 the one I know the most in my family. 21:47 And she has gone there, she's gone there and walked into 21:50 recovery, or had she not gone there? 21:53 No, well she did go there after she got out of high school. 21:58 Now she is alright. 22:00 So she is the support for you? 22:03 How about at the school, is there anybody at the school 22:06 that you see this person encourages me to stand? 22:10 My friend. 22:15 I hung out with a lot of your friends when I was there 22:18 and you know what surprised me? 22:21 Remember we were all at the back of the 22:24 auditorium hanging out? 22:25 There were times of praying and crying together. 22:31 It blessed me watching how much you guys love each other. 22:34 Do you know what I mean? Your friends and how you, 22:37 because a lot times nobody around you has been consistent 22:41 as far as being there for you, and your friends have 22:44 you can see that when we were hanging out. 22:47 So you are saying your friends are. 22:51 My prayer for you is going to be that I am hoping you will 22:54 find that strength within you, even if you're friends stand or 22:57 fall, that you can stand still and helped them back up. 23:00 Thank you for coming up, and thank you for 23:04 sharing that with us. 23:05 I would like to now show you, or introduce you to a couple 23:13 of the people that run the school. 23:15 The principle of school and her husband who has a lot of 23:18 recovery, both of them have a lot of recovery behind them, 23:22 but we are going to talk about some of what you just heard 23:25 with the kids. 23:27 So I'm just going to ask you to come up, come on up. 23:29 With each of these kids I know that for one, 23:34 quickly just recap your testimony. 23:38 Where you have come from and God standing you up and 23:41 how you are loving on them? 23:42 Then I want to talk about what you think about 23:45 what the kids just shared today? 23:48 I was an addict and an Adventist and an addict 23:52 at the same time. 23:54 A look at the camera and say any Adventist addict stop! 23:57 I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. 24:00 But there is lot of times that we say that, 24:02 there are people that will e-mail me and say, 24:05 you know sure Cheri I am a closet addict. 24:08 I do prescription drugs or I drink and nobody knows, 24:11 so what you are saying is that I was that. 24:14 I wasn't in a closet I was out in the open, 24:17 but I would go to the Church every once in a while 24:20 and that was about it. 24:21 God helped me when I met my husband. 24:25 He had been drinking and had quit before I met him, 24:30 and I thought well if he can do that I can do that too. 24:35 He helped me into the rehab. 24:37 I like the way you say that because you know 24:39 what Hep told me? 24:40 He said I can't marry you if you drink. Yep! 24:43 So you said it really nice, and I'm thinking 24:45 well that's not what I heard. 24:47 And the only reason I remember that it's because 24:50 my husband said, my husband is a trumpet player and 24:53 he said Cheri I can't marry you if you smoke, 24:55 because I make a living with my lungs. 24:57 So it is really interesting when the people around us 25:00 encourage us to do better and that is what we are 25:04 talking about even with the kids. 25:05 Every once in awhile we are fortunate to have somebody walk 25:08 into our lives, that really call us to a better place. 25:11 He did that for you. Yes he did! 25:13 I'm so grateful it's just wonderful to be able to quit. 25:20 And to get started on recovery. 25:23 So you actually went to treatment? I did! 25:25 I went to treatment and came back. 25:30 I had quit drinking even before I went to treatment, 25:34 so I came back and just went on with letting go and let God. 25:40 What is really interesting to me is that I have heard your 25:45 story just because we hung out some. 25:47 But I heard the fact that God then stood you up and started 25:51 to bring you to a place where you are actually going to speak 25:55 recovery, or life into these kids. 25:58 So when they have all come up individually and talk to about 26:01 their journey, and you know them better than I do. 26:04 You have more kids than just them at the school. 26:07 Tell me what you felt from your heart just listening to them? 26:10 I am sad because they had to go through that, 26:15 at such a young age. 26:18 I feel so bad that they had to go through that, 26:22 but I am so grateful to God that they came to the 26:25 school and that God is starting to open up their hearts 26:29 and open up their minds to see that it is better than 26:33 what they were thinking about 26:35 doing or were into. 26:37 It is wonderful when they come and talk, they talked to me, 26:42 they will come my office some time and talk about what is 26:46 going on in their lives and I sit there and listen 26:51 because my heart cries for them. 26:53 I feel like there's so much for them that they could have 26:59 in this recovering in getting into recovery and I encourage 27:05 them to do what they need to do. 27:08 In order to learn how to live without using anything 27:12 is going to hurt them. 27:13 Whether it's cutting, whether it's drugs, 27:15 whether it's drinking, whether it's their rage, 27:17 or their anger. 27:18 It is amazing to me because you came from a place to where 27:24 you understand how addictions can take you down. 27:28 But sometimes, you guys are so young and fully don't 27:32 understand that yet, you understand at some level. 27:35 Like Duane being in jail, that helps you. 27:38 Or Manuel, sorry I always said to Duane but Manuel. 27:43 So we have a number of people that you speak into their life, 27:48 you have 75 students? Yes 75 students. 27:51 All with their own stories? Right every one of them. 27:55 We have grades one through 12 and each one of them have 27:58 their own stories, the young ones do too. 28:02 The older ones come and talk to us more. 28:05 I'm going to have Hep come up because Hep teaches some of 28:10 the younger grades and I want to talk about, 28:12 thanks for coming up, thanks for sharing it. 28:14 Hep will you come up? 28:16 Sometimes I think that we think of recovery, 28:19 when I think about recovery I do think about recovery when 28:24 somebody is of age, even if age 12,13,15, 28:30 but I can remember God giving me a vision, Hep, at one point 28:34 when I was three. 28:37 I walked into the room and my family are addicts, 28:40 they are all lost in their own stuff, 28:42 and I was looking around for someone to see me, 28:45 let me sit next to them, 28:47 acknowledge that I came into the room, 28:49 but nobody was able to because of their addictions. 28:51 Sometimes little tiny kids start this addictive process. 28:56 Can you speak about that? 28:58 You teach elementary school. 29:00 I teach elementary I'm the fifth and sixth grade 29:02 teacher at Holbrook. 29:03 The students range from age 8 29:07 to about 12 or 13. 29:08 The other day we were talking about 29:12 drinking in the classroom. 29:14 So some of my kids got pretty bold and we were volunteering 29:18 what age we started to drink. 29:21 I think I got the kids down to about age 10, my kids 29:24 in the classroom that are actually participating 29:28 and drinking at this point. 29:30 Then we went to cigarettes which is another addiction. 29:34 And some my kids had even started smoking or try to smoke. 29:39 Then we would turn that back into focus and say what would 29:44 God want us to do? 29:46 They all agreed that it is not right to do that. 29:48 That God wants us to be healthy. 29:50 Yeah God wants us to be healthy. 29:52 So then we said why did we try it? 29:55 Well we were experimenting, 29:57 we wanted to see what it tastes like. 29:58 So I would just then take it a little bit further 30:03 and tell them a little of my story. 30:05 They said gee Mr. Ross did you really do that? Sure! 30:09 What kind of things did you tell them? 30:12 I want you to know that you are really telling these kids? 30:17 I told them about my own drinking and some of the things 30:21 that I have gone through. 30:23 That it caused me, with my drinking, 30:27 to lose my first family. 30:30 I had six children and divorced my first wife 30:34 because of my drinking. 30:35 Because I was drinking all my kids are drinkers, 30:40 they all drink alcohol and some of them use marijuana. 30:44 You have watched their lives be injured 30:46 because of their choice on drinking? 30:49 Yes, and then also I shared with my class that 30:54 because of God all my kids are now sober. 30:58 Because God does do miracles. 31:01 Let me because what really is interesting about you and 31:06 Janet are doing, each of the people here and Amber and 31:11 Lorenzo, Crystal and Manuel are into what you are doing. 31:16 Recovery is so, a lot of the folks that stand up specially 31:21 with you folks, they don't have a God history, 31:23 they don't have any religion and so if I am saying an 31:25 important thing of let go and let God, you have 31:31 to speak on that eventually. 31:32 You do, and my true story is when I sobered up. 31:39 Back in 1979 the counselors at the program said find 31:44 your higher power, it could be a desk, it could be a tree, 31:47 it could be that rock, 31:50 find something that you can believe in. 31:52 Something that is more powerful than you are so 31:54 that you can believe in it. 31:55 Let me just say because some people get offended, 31:59 at that if they are Christian, 32:00 they do not understand why you would say that? 32:02 The only reason people say that is for most of us in 32:06 those places, I wasn't raised around anything Christian, 32:10 so if you were to say God I would've blown you off and 32:14 never tried it, but if you say find anything is almost 32:18 like a first step of getting outside myself and 32:21 eventually I'm going to find God. 32:22 God is faithful and He is real and He is there. 32:26 So when somebody says it could be anything they are not 32:29 really saying it could be anything, that a rock get you 32:32 into recovery, it's just saying that some how for this 32:35 addict has to get out of their own head. 32:37 Whatever you believe in you need to be strong in that, 32:42 but when you first come in contact with God it is really 32:48 scary, it is so scary that you wonder what in the heck are 32:53 you standing here with God standing right next to you. 32:58 Saying hey you, get over here. 33:00 Because most the people believing in the Bible fell 33:03 flat on their face, they fainted. 33:05 A lot of people said I realized I was in the presence of God 33:08 and I fainted because it is. 33:11 My first experience with God, I was out south of town on a 33:15 hill by myself and I heard this weirdest 33:19 scream come out from the south. 33:21 When I finally realized what it was, it was a eagle hawk 33:26 that was coming down. 33:28 So what He was saying was wake-up, straighten up 33:34 because I'm coming. 33:35 The hair on my neck stood up and I had no place to go, 33:41 so I just stood there. 33:42 For some people they don't believe that God uses animals 33:46 or trees or whatever, but when He does its amazing. 33:50 I've had hawks, bluebirds, sunsets and God can speak 33:53 through all of that because He really loves you and 33:57 wants to talk to you. That's right! 33:59 So for the first 27 years of my recovery I followed God 34:05 through the Native American way, through the pipe and the sweats 34:09 and through those kind of things. 34:12 It hasn't been since the last nine years or so that I have 34:16 really became really close to God as what 34:20 is described in the Bible. 34:22 Creator God in the Bible. That's right! 34:24 Finding the similarities between the path that the northern 34:29 tribes are using and the Bible is very similar. 34:32 Again a lot of people would think that, 34:35 and this is a little bit away from the kids, 34:37 but a lot of people would think what you followed before 34:40 was not of God and what you follow now is of God. 34:43 But you are saying that God was always wooing me, 34:46 there was always that wooing, 34:48 but I just actually see His face more clearly. 34:50 It is all intertwined with God. 34:55 In reality the closer you get to God, 35:00 the better you get to know yourself. 35:04 The better you get to know yourself, 35:07 then you know God is smiling at you. 35:11 In the message in Matthew, I can't remember why the 35:17 paraphrase says it like this, 35:18 but it says when you fully find God, 35:20 you fully find yourself. 35:21 I am the child of God creating in His image and He says 35:24 I want to show you who you are in Me. 35:28 For each of the testimonies that we've heard today, 35:32 is that I can see God wooing them, 35:34 I can see God standing them up and I want show you. 35:37 Even what you are saying in your life is that God said the 35:40 same thing to you, let Me show you who you are. 35:42 Let me show you who I am. 35:47 So when you do teach these kids through your testimony, 35:53 through your journey, with even the stories that you have 35:58 heard today, if you could tell them something 36:01 what would you tell them? 36:04 It is really hard for them to understand at that age but 36:08 I think I would tell them that we need to have patience. 36:13 With ourselves? With ourselves. 36:15 God says I will come and help, I will help you. 36:22 It's on God's time is not on our time. 36:25 So it may be 20 years from now, or it may be in five seconds. 36:30 We need to take care of our selves and keep dreaming that 36:36 is going to happen. 36:38 I believe for the last 35 years that God has had a message 36:44 for me and I am still waiting. 36:46 What is interesting too is that you are just coming into 36:50 a place where you can stand up and even talk about this. 36:54 God has intervened and I see Him clearly, 36:59 more clearer today than did I did five years ago, 37:02 definitely clearer than 10 years ago and I see in the 37:04 future it is going to be clearer than that. 37:06 He is standing me up for something? 37:08 That's true! 37:10 Thank you very much for coming up and saying that. 37:13 For each of you guys as you were listening to Hep and Janet 37:19 when each of you guys spoke I can see God wooing you. 37:22 I can see God standing you up in the same way. 37:28 Lorenzo would you please come up one more time? 37:30 I want to just ask you a couple things because I know that 37:34 we have talked about the school stuff and that you were 37:38 dealing with anger and your family. 37:40 I know that you wanted to say something else 37:43 so if you could share with us a little bit about more 37:47 about that, but what did you think about what Hep said? 37:51 I thought it was really interesting how an addiction or 37:55 a problem that you have could mess up your life and affect 37:59 people around you. 38:01 So what do you mean by that? 38:03 Mr. Ross's in his case how he divorced his first wife and how 38:10 his whole family fell apart. 38:12 And all that kind of thing. 38:15 It is interesting that one thing leads to another, 38:17 it's almost like dominoes when you set up a set of dominoes 38:21 and you push one over and all the rest get pushed over. 38:25 You wanted to talk about a little bit more about some of 38:29 the things that made you angry. 38:31 That is what you are dealing with so what are some of 38:34 the things that actually make you angry? 38:35 The things that made me angry were actually almost being 38:42 left out of having more. 38:43 My older brother being the one mostly my whole family 38:48 loved and so it was like I was just there for mostly 38:52 cleaning up and making sure the house was in order. 38:56 So you feel like you were rejected by people around you? 39:00 Yeah! So your anger was that somebody needs to pay attention 39:04 to me? Somebody needs to look at me as I'm special? 39:09 Yeah, like you know I am here too, it is more like playing 39:14 favorites with my older brother. 39:19 So now what is really interesting, and you may not be 39:23 there yet, but I'm just going to ask you if you are there? 39:27 What kinds of, I'm a middle child so I felt that way all 39:31 through my life, are you the middle child? 39:33 Second oldest. And I'm second oldest. 39:37 So I always had to live out older sister. 39:41 Is there anything you are doing in order to let people off 39:48 the hook with that and just know that you are okay? 39:50 Well, let's see, I think that. 39:56 Because I want to say to people poof, 40:01 I wanted to treat everybody fair and that's not fair. 40:04 Somebody said to me one time, life is not always fair. 40:08 I'm like, who wants to hear that? 40:10 So there was a point where I had to say whom am I? 40:15 How am I going to deal with that, 40:18 even if nobody around me does the right thing? 40:20 How am I my going to deal with that anger? 40:22 Does that make sense? 40:25 Yeah! When I say that what do you think about it? 40:28 Well I think that I should not try to live up to their 40:34 expectation, what I am doing isn't helping them out 40:40 or making them happy. 40:41 I should just forget about the whole thing and do what 40:47 I think is better and work into something else better. 40:55 I still want to figure out how to live my life? 40:58 Without drugs, without alcohol, definitely without anger. 41:01 Because when somebody hasn't dealt with anger, 41:05 isn't it as destructive as anything else? 41:07 Yeah! Does it get in your way? 41:09 Yeah it gets pretty much in your way because like 41:12 you have no control over what you are doing, 41:14 or know how many people you are hurting. 41:17 People start backing away from you because they don't know 41:21 when you are going to go off on them are not? 41:22 Yeah! My prayer for you, and I'm going to call everybody up, 41:28 my prayer for you is going to be to be able to allow that 41:33 anger to be given to God and for God to show you how 41:36 incredible, because you're not a second child for God, 41:39 you are everything to Him. 41:42 He is just saying let Me love you and let Me show you 41:46 how to be that. 41:50 Even if people around you don't see that, 41:52 you can actually heal anyway. 41:55 And love them, it's cool. 41:59 I'm going to call everybody else up. 42:00 Crystal can you come up? 42:02 Manuel can you come up? 42:04 And Amber come up? 42:07 Do you guys want to join me and we are just going to 42:10 have prayer for everybody. 42:11 And right now I am going to have prayer. 42:14 I want to ask does anybody else want to have prayer 42:17 out of the group? Anybody? 42:22 Janet did you want to pray with them too? 42:24 And how about you Hep, can you pray? 42:28 So we are going to pray I will open it, 42:31 then Janet you take over, 42:33 then Hep I'll take it from you. 42:34 Dear Father in Jesus name we are all coming from different 42:38 places and everybody watching we are coming from 42:41 such different places. 42:42 Some anger, some depression, some cutting, some drugs, 42:46 some just don't feel good enough. 42:48 I know that people in my life have loved me in the way 42:52 they've loved other people and I am angry, 42:54 and it is not fair. 42:55 All of us has those things and I think the devil himself 42:58 just tries to make them bigger and bigger and bigger 43:01 to where I finally just destroy myself either from my anger 43:07 from my drugs or my drinking, from my own stuff into my family 43:12 I destroy those families and I just say right now I pray 43:16 for these kids and anybody watching, 43:18 let us be done with that. 43:19 Let us let that go and I just ask You, 43:23 I was going to say I beg You, 43:24 but I don't have to. 43:25 You are Father and You love us. 43:27 I pray for the adoption that we have in Your family, 43:30 that You want to bring us into Your family to 43:33 pour into us and to bless us. 43:36 I just pray Father bless these kids now. 43:38 Bless them with Your Holy Spirit, 43:40 bless them with recovery, 43:41 bless them with safe places and safe people. 43:44 Bring folks into their lives and I pray Father through the 43:48 Holy Spirit for strength to stay in recovery in Jesus name 43:53 I know that You adore us, 43:55 You're crazy about us. 43:57 I know that You want their recovery more than anything, 44:01 so I am praying today for their recovery. 44:03 Thank you so much. 44:05 Our heavenly Father, we just thank You so much for the 44:08 children that are at the school and 44:11 the children that are here. 44:13 You love them so much and we see the hurt that they have 44:17 gone through and still are going through. 44:20 We pray Lord that You will just bless them with Your love 44:23 and surround them with Your holy angels and help them 44:27 as they think about the things they are doing, 44:30 and the things that have brought them down. 44:32 Help them that they may lift up their eyes to You, 44:36 and their hands and their hearts. 44:39 I just pray that Lord You will take care of them, 44:43 because we love them so much and we know that 44:46 You love them even more. 44:47 We thank You in Your holy name Amen. 44:50 Dear Lord we thank You for bringing us here at this time. 44:54 Thank You for allowing all these stories to be told. 44:59 Each and every one of us have a different aspect in 45:04 their heart and their lives. 45:05 Please watch over each and every one of 45:09 those that have come. 45:12 Look after those that are listening to this story 45:17 and hear their prayers and be with them. 45:21 Help them to know that they are unique in Your eyes. 45:26 That each one has a new future in You, 45:30 and all we have to do is to walk it and to be patient. 45:35 This I ask in Jesus name Amen 45:40 thank you so much, go and have a seat. 45:43 We are going to go ahead and take a break. 45:47 But I want you to come back 45:50 because we just want to tie this up. 45:52 Stay with us, we will be right back! |
Revised 2014-12-17