Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Tom & Vicki Mann
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00073A
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00:10 Welcome to Celebrating Life In Recovery,
00:11 I'm Cheri your host. 00:12 Today we're going to talk about, divorce, restoration, 00:15 and recovery, heavy topics but God is good. 00:18 Come and join us. 00:45 Welcome, so we are going to be talking about divorce, 00:49 which is a tough topic anyway for 50% of Americans 00:52 that have been divorced. 00:54 So we're going to talk about it a little bit different 00:57 slant in that a lot people get a divorce, they haven't 01:01 worked on their issues and end up getting remarried right 01:04 away, or in a relationship right away and 01:06 they get divorced again. 01:07 So we are hopefully going to cover it. 01:09 What do you do as far as healing time before you fall 01:13 in love again? 01:14 I'm going to introduce you to a couple that you will be 01:17 blessed by, both of their healing before they made the 01:20 decision to get back into a relationship. 01:22 As we get ready to do this program we are going to do it 01:26 a little different than we typically do it and that 01:28 I always have a little teaching time, I love doing that, 01:31 I just love doing that, but today I want to make sure 01:34 that we hear everybody's testimony to the fullest. 01:37 So we are going to start right away with getting to know 01:40 the guests and so I want to say, Vicki thank you so much 01:42 for coming on the program. 01:43 I know that some of the stuff you're going to share with 01:47 us is things that typically you would like to keep 01:51 with close friends, maybe a Pastor, kids, but you are 01:56 willing to share with us. 01:57 First tell us why and then let's get into what happened. 02:01 Tom and I are both concerned that there are probably 02:04 a lot of other people out there who may be going through 02:07 some of the same things that we went through after our 02:10 divorces, some of the same issues, lack of self-esteem, 02:14 a God shaped hole in the middle of our hearts. 02:19 We are hoping that we can help other people through the 02:23 same struggles that we went through. 02:24 So saying that, what did you guys go through? 02:28 What did you go through? 02:29 You know the reason I separated you is because Tom 02:34 is a little bit of a talker. 02:38 I'm going to love having him here, hello Tom. 02:40 I am going to love having them here but I want to have 02:43 you be able to speak without any interruptions, 02:45 besides me, go ahead. 02:48 I guess my testimony really begins with an ending. 02:52 I was married the first time for 24 years and had two 02:56 daughters and our relationship came to an end. 03:01 Our marriage came to an end and I moved into an apartment. 03:04 We were living at that time on the west coast of Florida. 03:07 And you thought you were going to be married for life! 03:10 Most of us when we get married we think it is always going 03:13 to be and so 24 years is a long time. 03:17 - it is a lot of time invested. 03:20 We really didn't come to that decision lightly. 03:24 I was actually already seeing a counselor and we had been 03:31 in counseling together too previously. 03:34 - I know that we have talked previously and you don't 03:37 want to get into all that, and that is fine because that 03:40 is not the point of the program anyway. 03:42 So we're going to go right into that you ended up leaving. 03:47 A decision was made and I moved into an apartment. 03:49 I was in my apartment for nine days and hurricane Charley 03:55 came in on the west coast of Florida. 03:57 No way! So it's like my life is falling apart and now 04:01 storms are coming and my apartment is falling apart. 04:04 I wasn't feeling too good about it and I wasn't sleeping 04:07 too well that night and I actually went work that morning 04:10 because the hurricane wasn't supposed to hit were we were. 04:13 I was thinking we were going to get a little bit of flooding, 04:16 and about an hour before it hit they announced over the 04:19 radio that the hurricane had taken a little jog, 04:21 was actually going to hit right where we were, head on. 04:25 To make long story short, my apartment was destroyed. 04:29 The place I was working the roof was taken off and 04:33 building was so badly damaged that the facility ended up 04:37 closing for nine months before they were able to reopen. 04:41 In one swoop - did you just cry? 04:45 Yeah, I was a basket case because it was like, I felt like 04:50 I didn't have anything. 04:51 I felt like well my marriage was over, I didn't have a 04:55 job, and I didn't have a place to live. 04:59 It was all just gone. 05:00 The building was condemned, there were stairs that went up 05:03 to the second floor and they were really shaky afterwards. 05:06 The roof was gone and we weren't supposed to go back in 05:09 there, but you want to go back and get out what you can. 05:12 I ran into some of my neighbors doing the same thing. 05:15 They were saying, you better get what are you can 05:18 carry out today because they are not going to let 05:21 us in here tomorrow. 05:22 - so what did you do? 05:24 I threw everything in my car and went home to mom. 05:29 Here was in my 40s and didn't think I would ever be living 05:32 with my mother again. 05:34 - you know for a lot of people that have been through 05:37 that, that has to be the worst feeling to just sit there, 05:40 not that moms are good or bad, it is not even about that, 05:43 but I just didn't think I would be back here. 05:45 After that many years you have been independent and you 05:49 don't think you will ever be back home again. 05:51 Mom was gracious and she took me and I moved in with mom. 05:55 Initially I thought I would probably just be back in 06:00 Southern Illinois for maybe a couple months. 06:03 I would then probably move back to Florida, but I wasn't 06:08 up here very long before I started to feel like this was 06:13 where God wanted me to be and that maybe there was a reason 06:17 why, not that God sent the hurricane to move Vicki, 06:21 or any of the bad things that happened. 06:26 It just that He was able to take that set of circumstances 06:29 and use it to actually move me to where I needed to be. 06:33 You know what I love about you saying that? 06:35 Looking between the lines, it's almost like what you are 06:40 saying is that you started to see hope, you can see that 06:44 maybe God was working with this. 06:46 It must be that your heart was opening up 06:49 a little to some healing. 06:51 I think my mother really helped with that. 06:53 My mother is a Christian woman and also the local Pastor, 06:58 I'm trying to remember now, one of them recommended a 07:02 Christian counseling service. 07:05 I thought it would check it out. 07:07 - some people, I get notes all the time, I don't like the 07:12 fact that you talk about counseling. 07:14 But if we had more friends that we could just sit down 07:17 and spill everything out to them, they would have the 07:19 time to walk us through all this hurt, I would say don't 07:22 go to a counselor, go to your friends. 07:24 But a lot of times we don't have that and especially 07:26 when you moved back home, you do not have a lot of 07:28 supporters around you, so the fact that there was 07:30 a Christian counselor that could listened, 07:32 I just think that was a God thing. 07:35 I was praying about it, actually because it were several 07:39 counselors there at the Christian Council center. 07:42 I was actually paired up with just exactly the one 07:44 I needed, she had actually been through a divorce herself. 07:47 It was Christian woman who was forgiven for anything she 07:51 had done and was remarried, happily remarried. 07:54 She could identify with a lot of the things that 07:57 I was going through. 07:58 - so immediately she probably started to work on your 08:01 self worth, because more than likely after a divorce, 08:04 we just feel like nothing. 08:06 - That is right, I don't think it really matters who is 08:08 at fault either, I think that even friends I've met since 08:12 then, whether you are the victim or you are not the victim 08:17 or maybe a little of both, everyone seems to suffer a loss 08:21 of self worth, you just feel like you're not good enough. 08:24 You wonder if anyone could ever love you again. 08:27 So how do they help you look at that and let that go? 08:32 Because you have to surrender that God. 08:33 Yes you do. 08:34 I love this because all of heaven says I am crazy about 08:39 you, don't let the devil lie to you about that. 08:41 But I have seen so many people going through a divorce. 08:45 You could tell spiritually speaking that they are crushed. 08:48 Everything in me wants to say, please don't believe those 08:52 lies because you are amazing. 08:53 That's true, - you are still okay. 08:56 The Bible actually tells us that if we, even for the part 08:59 that we were at fault for, if we confess our sins that He 09:02 is faithful and just to forgive us our sins. 09:04 We have to cling to that whatever mistakes we made during 09:10 our marriage, because even in marriages where I've had 09:14 friends where they feel like they were the victim, they 09:18 admit that there was problems on their side too. 09:23 - I have to agree with you. 09:24 We have to know that we were forgiven. 09:26 - I have never met any divorce or separation that was 09:29 clean on both sides, on either side. 09:32 You can start looking at one thing happens and hurts 09:36 start getting involved and everybody is acting out and it 09:39 could be for years acting out before a decision is made. 09:42 Everybody has done horrible things to each other, even 09:45 if it is subtle and then when the big things happen that 09:48 you can point at. 09:50 - when you really start getting your life back on track 09:52 with God, He will point those things out to you, but not 09:55 so He can hold it over your head, but so you can confess 09:59 those things so you can be forgiven and start to heal. 10:02 What is important about that? 10:04 I don't think a lot of people see the importance of that. 10:07 Until you recognize that Jesus is all you need, 10:11 how can you move into a new relationship. 10:14 I think you have to come to that point where you recognize 10:18 that hole that you feel in your heart after you go through 10:21 a divorce or maybe a death. 10:23 You have this huge hole and that is the way I described it 10:28 when I spoke to my sister and with my counselor. 10:30 I have got this big hole and I don't know what's going to 10:34 fill it, what you recognize that hole can't be filled by 10:38 another human being, it has to be filled by Jesus. 10:42 He is the only one that can fill that hole, and you are 10:44 not just ready for a new relationship. 10:46 You will go into it for the wrong reasons. 10:47 We are going to go ahead and take a break and I would 10:51 like to come back and bring in Tom just so we can talk 10:54 about the healing that you guys have done separately, 10:57 and the healing that you guys have done together. 11:00 How incredibly faithful God is. 11:02 It is absolutely amazing, so stay with us, 11:05 we will be right back. |
Revised 2014-12-17