Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Jeremy & Heidi Summerlin
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00082A
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00:10 Welcome to Celebrating Life In Recovery,
00:12 I'm Cheri your host. 00:13 God can pull your from the darkest of the darkest places. 00:16 Come join us in the café today, it's going to be amazing. 00:46 Welcome back, I am particularly going 00:50 to enjoy this program. 00:51 A lot of times I have people on that I just met. 00:53 I worked in an area and ran into them and heard their 00:56 testimony and what God is doing in their life and recovery. 00:59 I am just blessed, when you hear someone story and you 01:03 can see the joy in their eyes, it is amazing. 01:04 But this particular couple goes to my church and I have 01:07 known them for a long time. 01:08 I've known them in their recovery and outside of their 01:11 recovery, and in their recovery and outside their recovery. 01:15 And then again, in their recovery and outside of the 01:17 recovery and so I want to say thank you so much Heidi and 01:21 Jeremy for joining me. - thanks for having us. 01:23 The first time I asked you to do this program was two 01:26 years ago. - Yep just about three years ago. 01:27 In that three years, there has been some stuff going on 01:31 even then, so God has just recently. 01:33 - we are still working through some stuff, 01:36 it is never ending really. 01:38 - because in He is grace, He wants us healed. 01:40 - absolutely - it is truly amazing. 01:43 So you go to my church and I have known you for a while. 01:46 I've loved you from the day I first met you. 01:49 When I first met you Jeremy, the first thing I thought, 01:51 God is going to stand you up in such a huge way. 01:54 I think you were high. - probably, I probably was. 01:56 I remember you telling me that I looked like a preacher. 02:02 I was like, okay. 02:06 You still do, so you have been through an incredible 02:11 journey and we usually start this program with a teaching 02:14 segment, but I want to get into both of your testimonies. 02:18 So I decided to just jump into that. 02:20 So Jeremy can we start with you, where did you come from? 02:23 What was your journey like? I know you've had struggles 02:26 even from a childhood in your home. 02:28 Yeah, as a child I came from a fourth-generation church. 02:34 Early on I was molested at the age 7, let me back up. 02:41 My father left when I was 7, my father left when 02:46 I was 7 and after that things started going downhill. 02:52 I always remember my childhood as not too bad. 02:56 I was a happy kid, but now I look at it and I had a lot 03:00 of junk, a lot of pain that happened to me as a early kid. 03:04 When you said that the molest happened at 7, was that 03:07 after your father left? 03:08 - yes, so I was actually a little older than that. 03:11 I was mistaken, I think I was around 8 or 9. 03:14 - but that changes a lot of things for a kid. 03:18 - Yeah! - all of a sudden that happy go lucky kid is now aware 03:21 of stuff you should have never been anywhere of. 03:25 Right, and it was something that was pushed aside, 03:29 not really brought out into the open. 03:32 So I was told to be quiet about it, from there it was 03:38 just, I was in a private school until seventh-grade. 03:43 At seventh-grade I went to a public school and that is 03:48 where I started going down hill. 03:50 - the private school, was it a small school? 03:52 Yes, probably there was around 27 kids at the most. 03:57 At one time, the public school is where I started going 04:01 downhill, I started hanging out with the wrong people. 04:05 I was drawn to them. - you said that to me before. 04:09 What do you mean drawn to them? Was it exciting? 04:13 They just didn't seem like they were? 04:16 They didn't have a care, I think that was it. 04:20 They were just free spirits, and they watched out for 04:25 each other and that led to the gang life. 04:28 I really attached myself to that because I don't think 04:37 I was getting loved from home. 04:39 I was abandoned by my father, so it just. 04:46 - so when you said they didn't have a care, it sounds 04:50 as a little kid that you were carrying a lot of things. 04:53 With the separation, what age were you as far as the 04:57 other kids in your family? 04:58 I was the middle child. - oh I hate that. 05:01 Because the middle child really does get left alone a lot. 05:05 - Higher expectations are put on middle child. 05:08 too because I was actually the first born son. 05:11 So now you find this group doesn't care about anything. 05:15 They are having a lot of fun and you jump in with them. 05:19 That is when I started drinking alcohol and smoking pot. 05:24 - you said seventh-grade? - yeah! 05:28 Now that I'm getting older I look at seventh-grade and 05:32 think, you guys are still babies at that time. 05:34 You are pretty tiny, you guys have kids that are that age. 05:38 And a little bit older, so they are babies. 05:43 So you are out there doing all that? 05:46 Is your mom trying to intervene in all? 05:48 Yeah, she tried, but I was becoming a rebel. 05:54 I was rebelling against everything that she was trying 05:57 to do for me, so I would run away. 06:01 I was on the streets when I was 16, sleeping in these 06:04 tunnels with a friend of mine. 06:07 Couch hopping and doing whatever I could. 06:09 I was doing a lot of car hopping which is basically 06:14 breaking into cars and finding whatever I could just to 06:19 get me by. - and it is such an acceptable way to live 06:24 amongst that group, it is normal and that is what cracks 06:28 me up about that is that people were like wasn't that 06:32 scary or whatever, and it is not. 06:34 I was a kid and there and it was a normal thing amongst 06:38 the group you are with. 06:39 It was actually fun, it was exciting, and adventure. 06:44 I really wasn't thinking about the future at that time. 06:48 It was all about the now. 06:50 Yeah, from there I was in and out of my mom's place. 06:57 She tried to get me to come back home and 07:01 I wasn't having it. 07:03 At age 16 or 17, somewhere in that area, I went to live 07:12 with my father for about a year. 07:15 My mom just couldn't handle me. 07:17 - was he involved in your life at all at that point? 07:19 Well he was off and on, we would hear from him, phone call 07:23 once in a while, but not really. 07:30 - So now you are living with him? 07:31 Yeah, he lived in Virginia, Virginia Beach. 07:34 He offered for me to come live with him, I was like yeah, 07:40 something different, sure I'll try it out. 07:42 So I went over there and I was with him for 07:44 about not even a year. 07:47 I just couldn't do it, couldn't do it. 07:51 - couldn't step back into somebody's authority? 07:53 - right! That was just it. 07:54 - that is really tough because once you decided that you 07:59 are your own boss, then nobody has permission to say, 08:03 I want you home at this time, I want you doing your chores, 08:06 I want you back in school. 08:08 You are just like, hello. - get me out of this place! 08:13 So I got shipped back, when I came back I actually got 08:18 right back into trouble. 08:20 I stoled three cars, got busted first time record, 08:26 first time I actually got busted anyway. 08:34 My mom forced me back into the church. 08:37 They had a youth department going on there, I had to 08:43 attend, and there was a youth leader there that was the 08:48 pastors wife and we became pretty close. 08:52 Then even closer, and she was just a bouncy happy person. 09:00 Before I knew it we were together. 09:06 - you were actually intimately together? 09:08 We were intimately together. - wow! 09:11 Then there is a part of me that says, the fact that 09:13 your mom got you to come back in, the fact that you hooked 09:15 up with this youth group, the fact that you were coming to 09:19 enjoy the people around you, and then that twist happens. 09:22 That has to be, that has to destroy you. - yeah! 09:26 Because it is like what is God, I just want to shake 09:30 somebody right now, and I want to shake them not so much 09:33 I don't think that God forgives everybody. 09:35 But my heart goes out for the damage that you got. 09:39 Did you fall in love with her? - yes! Immediately! 09:44 Because I was that damaged kid who was looking for any kind 09:50 of love, and when I found that it was immediately my 09:56 heart clung to it. 09:57 I don't remember how long we were together, she was going 10:02 to divorce the Pastor. 10:04 Which I feel for the guy today, there was just, it sent 10:12 him over the edge, he was threatening me. 10:15 - because she told him about the relationship? - yeah! 10:20 The Pastor found out she was divorcing him and they had 10:25 two kids together. 10:31 All of a sudden one day she comes to me and she had moved 10:35 out from her husbands and was living in another place. 10:39 She came to me one day, she said I can't see you anymore. 10:43 I'm like, okay! I had bought her a ring we were going 10:47 to get married, we were engaged. 10:53 It really broke my heart. 10:56 Did she say, I finally came to my senses? 10:58 This is not right? - something like that. 11:01 I found out that she was also sleeping with another guy 11:03 and her second job where she was working. 11:07 - she was just damaged. - yeah! 11:10 So what, with you, the fact that you reattached and 11:14 then got that pulled away from you, what happened then? 11:18 You just went nuts! - I went nuts, I went searching for 11:21 anything that would take that pain away because it hurts 11:24 so bad, and I found meth. 11:27 - oh man! I did meth for the first time and I loved it. 11:33 It took that pain away. - and gave you the power back? 11:38 Oh it gave me power beyond, I felt like I was in control. 11:44 I didn't have to feel anything anymore, so I started using it. 11:49 We've talked about addiction on this program a lot. 11:52 One of the things about people that choose meth, 11:55 is that you have been damaged in a way that you have been 11:59 stripped, you feel powerless, and all that stuff. 12:02 Meth is such a deceptive drug in that it shoots all your 12:06 neurochemistry up, and you feel like I can get whatever 12:10 I want, whenever I want, and this drug then has you. 12:13 I mean for a lot of people, they do not realize how 12:17 seductive it is, how all of a sudden for that kid that 12:20 has been wandering around trying to fit in and be 12:23 whatever, you get it all when you are high. 12:27 Yeah, so I actually started dealing so not only was I on 12:34 my own, but I wanted to be able to get high as well. 12:39 So I started dealing and I was making pretty good money. 12:44 I wasn't your normal dealer, I would roll around on 12:49 roller blades delivering it to the customers instead 12:53 of them coming to me. 12:57 I could just picture that, I've never seen a dealer 13:03 on rollerblades, you know. 13:05 So it was fun, people liked you, they knew you, you were 13:10 the guy, and everything was working now. 13:14 Did you ever decide or realize that this drug was going 13:20 to take me out? Did that ever cross your mind? 13:23 Yeah! I was, but people that taught me, they like took 13:31 me out and showed me the ropes. 13:33 Like this is how you do it, this is what to watch for, 13:36 stay one step ahead of the cops. 13:45 I just didn't, I just focused on what was going on around 13:48 me, I knew inside my heart that this wasn't right. 13:52 There was something going on, but I didn't want to deal 13:57 with that, I didn't want to feel the pain. 13:59 - just push that away? Oh yeah! 14:01 It is interesting too, when you say that, there were 14:04 people that stepped in and saying let 14:06 me show you the ropes. 14:07 This is actually what you look for and do. 14:12 This is another area you find acceptance in, 14:15 for somebody that doesn't have acceptance, 14:18 we forget that it is not just the drug, 14:21 it is not just the high, it's the entire picture. 14:24 All the sudden you belong and you are the guy, 14:26 and everybody wants you, and all that stuff. 14:29 It is a huge, it almost fills that huge hole, but not quite. 14:38 You know what I mean. - yeah! 14:40 Because that emptiness is still there, so for the next 14:44 few years you are just? 14:46 - Quite a few years, quite a few years, I mean there 14:51 were so many different roads and adventures that happened 14:56 after that, we could take up 80 shows, I'm sure. 15:00 Because you get twisted? Yeah! - in different ways! 15:04 I might even just write a book about it, but that would 15:08 be the best way to do it. 15:09 So you ended out there dealing. - right! 15:13 You are losing yourself in a ton of different ways, 15:16 sexually, physically and emotionally? 15:19 Not so much sexually, I mostly stayed to myself. 15:23 I didn't have time for women, I was too busy dealing. 15:28 You're lucky in that sense, because of a lot of people 15:31 I talk to jump into that addiction, you just get twisted. 15:34 I think that was my lover, was the meth. 15:40 So what else did I need? I didn't need anything else. 15:45 So this lasted for a long time, like you said, many years. 15:52 At one point you started to look up, 15:56 something happened, did you get busted? 15:59 What starts you to, where this is not working anymore? 16:03 Well my sister came to me one night, and I had been doing 16:07 this for probably for four or five years or so. 16:11 In that for five years were there other people saying 16:13 to you, Jeremy? No! You are just out there! 16:17 I was just out there, well of course by mom and friends 16:23 but I'd really didn't care what they had to say. 16:27 One night my sister came to me with a friend and said, 16:32 you need to get out of town as soon as possible. 16:38 You are on this list of people that are going to go down, 16:43 you are at the top of the list of people that are watching 16:49 and plan on, - who was this? DA! - An Enforcement agent. 16:54 So they gave me some money and I left town. 17:00 Running basically, I ran 118 miles to Twin Falls. 17:09 I got a job with my grandfather and I was doing better 17:18 for about six months. - were you still using? 17:21 No, I was actually, I quit for six months. 17:25 For an addict that is like forever, when you say six 17:29 months that is huge. - well I was still drinking. 17:35 But still, your drug of choice is meth and the fact 17:37 that you didn't go there. 17:39 I was feeling the pain of abandonment. 17:44 So I lost my first love. - Right! 17:47 So I started work and I found, I sought out, 17:54 I had to find it and get it back to my life, 17:59 because I wasn't stable until I had that. 18:05 So I did. - Jeremy can we talk about that? 18:09 A lot of people don't understand that. 18:11 I didn't feel normal without that. 18:14 It's like all those things, that are very deep things, 18:19 is what I'm missing. 18:23 Well when I didn't have the drug, you have those feelings 18:28 start coming back up and I don't want to deal with them. 18:33 I didn't know how to deal with them. 18:35 So it was normal, I felt normal after I had it. 18:40 - all those feelings suddenly go away again. 18:45 - disappear. - I feel like I fit in again. - right! 18:49 I'm in control, I have the power again. 18:52 When I got high it wasn't like a lot to take off with 19:00 all this energy, it mellowed me out. 19:04 I would just could sink in, just Ahhhh! 19:08 Just normal, you know. 19:15 I was working, keeping a job and I was the star employee 19:20 I guess you could say that. 19:22 I was working for my grandfather while using. 19:25 At that point it became a meal to me, the meth did. 19:32 I would wake up and do a shot, have one mid day, and then 19:40 have one before it went to bed. 19:42 No one at that point knew that you were using again? 19:44 Because at first you can hide it. - right! 19:48 But then eventually. - eventually it catches up. 19:52 Especially when you're not eating as much. 19:56 What kind of behaviors do people see when you start 20:01 showing your meth use? 20:03 A lot of lying. - all of a sudden you're playing people? 20:12 Yes, totally. 20:19 If you don't answer quickly I'll ask your wife. 20:21 (Everyone's laughing) 20:24 I know what Heidi all get some answers, let me just show 20:26 you the list. - right! 20:31 Lying is one, not being able to stay focused, not being 20:35 as reliable. - reliable was a good one for me. 20:40 I wasn't very reliable, except for my job. 20:44 There were some times where I wouldn't get up 20:48 and go to work. 20:50 Were you using and selling while you are working with 20:54 your grandfather? - Yes, not as much, but I would get my 20:58 paycheck and I would buy a large quantity and that way 21:01 I could make my money back and on top of that I would be 21:05 able to use at the same time. 21:07 Did he finally let you go? No, I think I quit, I think 21:16 I quit and that time was a little blurry in my mind. 21:25 After that I think I started transporting, to just make 21:34 money back and forth from the old town where 21:36 I was told to leave. 21:39 So things really started coming down on me, at one point 21:48 I had all my stuff taken, everything. 21:51 All my clothes, everything, I only have the clothes on my 21:55 back. - someone's stole them from you? - Ah humm. 21:59 They said I owed them, which I think I did, I think. 22:03 - I think I might have been guilty. - yes! 22:06 I like with druggies, we don't know, we don't think that 22:09 I bet they were right. 22:12 So now everything is falling apart at this point. 22:14 I want to go ahead and take a break and then come back 22:20 and find out when you and Heidi met. 22:23 Because I can't even imagine, looking at you during that 22:27 time, and saying I think I will marry this guy. 22:31 So we are going to take a break and then we are going to 22:33 come back because it is real interesting to me, 22:36 usually when an addict is out of control and then someone 22:39 comes in to their life is that they have their own issues. 22:42 We are going to find out how both of these folks came 22:45 into the relationship with the issues and what 22:47 God did to heal them. 22:49 I'm proud of God, I can't see how He does it, 22:52 I don't know why He hangs in with us while were doing all 22:55 this crazy stuff, but He does and that is amazing to me. 22:58 We will be right back, stay with us. |
Revised 2014-12-17