Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Jeremy & Heidi Summerlin
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00082B
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00:15 Welcome back! So we've been talking about meth addiction,
00:19 well not even meth addiction, I hate when I say that 00:23 because most the time when I talk to someone who has an 00:26 addiction, there are all those hurts before that. 00:29 You are talking about your father leaving, and your mom 00:32 not really being there, she's raising all these kids. 00:37 Then the molest and going back to church, and having a 00:41 molest situation from the pastors wife. 00:43 So it's really tough to call it a molest because you were 00:46 16, right? - 15 or 16. 00:48 15 or 16, but it was, you call it a relationship every 00:52 time you talk about it, but we know you were 00:54 in a molest situation again and then jumping into the meth. 00:58 It's crazy, all that got crazier and crazier. 01:03 When did you guys finally meet? Like Heidi do you remember 01:07 walk into his life during this time? 01:09 Yeah I did, I was actually dating somebody that was living 01:13 with him at the time, and that is how I initially met him. 01:19 So I would go to their house and use, just to be with the 01:22 guys, I didn't really have an addiction to the meth 01:26 although that was part of it. 01:28 - your addiction was relationships? - Um Hummmm! 01:31 Controlling in trying to fix them. 01:36 Did you know that right away or was years later? 01:39 Yeah. - it is really interesting that if you find a 01:42 bad guy, you will find the girls that want to fix them. 01:45 It is just what our addictions are. 01:48 So when she started to come over, you guys using 01:52 together, tell me a little bit about what that was like 01:55 for you and that I want to find out where you came from. 01:59 Everybody has a history, and it amazes me when you look 02:03 at someone who is really into meth or into addictions, 02:06 and then when they get into a relationship usually that 02:10 person is a mess too. 02:12 It cracks me up because I think God is like oh no, no. 02:17 Then He steps in and has to untwist everybody, so where 02:22 did you come from? 02:24 My mom and dad divorced when I was about 10 or 11-ish. 02:28 I don't really remember much before that other than normal 02:33 family stuff, we didn't do a whole lot as a family. 02:36 My mom and dad started fighting before they divorced. 02:39 So even in your home what you saw as far as a loving 02:43 relationship was this chaos? - Um Hummmm! 02:45 Yeah, I don't remember a whole lot of my mom hugging me, 02:50 loving me, I was the oldest of four, I am the oldest of 02:54 four, but when my dad left, my mom immediately turned to 02:59 bars, and I didn't know at the time that she was getting 03:02 hooked on meth, she had been doing it for a while but it 03:05 became predominant around that time. 03:07 So I became, what somebody just titled it, a surrogate 03:12 parent, so I was taking care my siblings and not really 03:17 being. - trying to hold the household together. 03:19 Um Hummmm! Yeah, I was in sports in high school. 03:22 My mom, or dad moved out of state so I had no one there 03:27 supporting me, I don't remember my mom asking if I had 03:31 homework, or what you see a typical family is. 03:34 Let's sit down and do some homework, let's study, 03:36 there was none of that. 03:38 A lot of times we cooked our own meals and just taking care my 03:43 siblings. - was there a point where you got tired of 03:46 that? I'm tired of that don't want to be responsible, 03:50 or did you just do the right thing? 03:52 I just did the right thing. 03:53 What is funny is that 11 or 12 years old you don't think 03:56 of a child wanting a child, but I had always, even though 03:59 we didn't have God in our house, I would always pray to 04:02 God that He would leave baby on my doorstep. 04:04 I could take care somebody that would love me, unconditionally 04:10 I think it was. - because you were looking for that. 04:12 - Um Hummmm! - desperately looking for that. 04:14 Your mom got more tied up with her addictions, ay! 04:19 Yeah, we ended up moving into this house, a small one- 04:22 bedroom house and all four of us kids, there was two sets 04:25 of bunk beds in this house. 04:27 My mom had a trailer outback, that's where she did all 04:30 her activities and I just thought she had a lot of friends 04:33 coming in and out of the house because she ended up 04:35 dealing for while also. 04:40 The fact that she separated you guys out with having a 04:42 trailer out back, just tells me the level of her addiction. 04:45 This was not a tiny addiction, did she get crazy? 04:48 Because a lot of meth addicts get kind of. 04:50 That she went in waves, she come in all nice and happy 04:53 and fix everything, built fences, remodeled the bathroom, 04:56 put a roof on the house, I mean she could do it all. 04:59 That is when she was really high, then the coming down 05:01 part, she would come in and scream at us if we didn't 05:04 do the dishes, or something wasn't done, 05:06 she would come in screaming. 05:08 Were you able, during that time, you said you were in 05:13 sports, stay in school and all that? 05:15 I did until my junior year and then I moved out to Idaho. 05:20 This was in California so I moved to Idaho with my dad. 05:25 What's interesting in listening to your story is that 05:30 you were trained early on to fix things and take care of 05:35 people, so I'm thinking don't go to Idaho, because Jeremy. 05:44 You are trained, you are a kid that says if I can only 05:48 fix you than you would love me. 05:50 So when you ran into his friend and met Jeremy it was like 05:56 did you guys fall in love right away? 05:58 No, actually when I moved to Idaho, Jeremy and I didn't meet 06:03 for a few years, but when I first moved to Idaho I got 06:07 married within the first year and a half two years. 06:13 I had a couple abortions with this guy before we got 06:19 married, it's my oldest sons dad. 06:22 So I would like to ask you, even when you say a couple 06:27 abortions, how do you deal with that? 06:30 Or how did you deal with that then? 06:33 Back then it was like, it's what I have to do, I can't 06:37 have a kid right, now so that's what I've gotta to do. 06:40 - So you just detach yourself from the? Um Hummmm! 06:43 The second abortion was tougher. 06:45 The reason I'm curious about that is because when you said, 06:50 younger, your heart's cry was God leave a baby on the 06:54 doorstep, so for you to even make those decisions 06:58 had to be just tough. 07:00 Yeah, I had a taste of what it was like to take care of 07:03 kids because I had my siblings to take care of, so when 07:07 I got older it was like, well, I have to work and maintain 07:11 a home, pay rent and all this stuff. 07:13 So having a baby right now wasn't in the equation, 07:16 we couldn't do that, and he and I had talked about it so 07:19 it wasn't something we were ready for. 07:21 He was more not ready, then I was. 07:25 We are going to come back to that because I know that in 07:28 your recovery, you have probably gone back to this issue 07:31 again, so we will come back to that. 07:33 At this point, and for anyone listening, is that 07:37 in a societal thing the abortion is no big deal. 07:39 You just have it, you think about all the stuff, 07:42 can you afford it this child or not, and just walked in 07:46 and have it, and it is really not considered a big deal. 07:49 What is so sad about the first two, I actually had three. 07:52 The first two that I had were within six months of each 07:55 other, so was almost like a form of birth control for me. 07:58 Even though I would not walk up to someone and tell them 08:01 that I had done, there was no way I would tell anybody, 08:04 other than my immediate family, that I had done that. 08:07 As one of the girls that I ran with all the streets, 08:11 by the time she was 17 or 18 years old, she had seven 08:14 abortions, so when you say it is a form of birth control, 08:18 I saw that over and over again. 08:23 I think I was blessed in that I couldn't get pregnant, 08:26 couldn't have children, I don't know how I had Jackie my 08:29 daughter because it was like a miracle. 08:31 I was blessed in that sense of not having to deal with it. 08:34 A lot of my friends, you didn't think about it. 08:37 Even what you were saying Jeremy, you would say I'm going 08:41 to get high again and all the stuff of go away again. 08:45 So you have a couple abortions and ended up getting 08:51 married. - got married, had Eric and then his dad was 08:55 an alcoholic and, he passed away a couple of years ago. 08:59 He was an alcoholic, a pretty bad alcoholic. 09:02 He wasn't a bar drunk, he would drink on the way home 09:04 and then he would drink beer. 09:05 He was not angry, he wasn't mean to me. 09:08 If that drinking wasn't there we probably would have stayed 09:11 together for quite a while, we got along really well. 09:16 Then we moved to Montana for short time and he got into 09:19 a one vehicle accident and nearly killed himself with 09:23 his truck and at Junction Canal. 09:25 I had had enough and couldn't do it anymore. 09:28 I told him that we were going to split up, we moved back 09:32 to Idaho and we separated. 09:34 Just before we separated I had gotten pregnant again and 09:38 I said there was no way to take care of two babies by 09:42 myself so I went had another abortion after Eric and 09:45 then we separated, yeah, so. 09:49 So was it during that time that you are working in Idaho? 09:53 Did you get a job? - yeah, I just start working in a law 09:57 office at that time, I worked there for about a year and 10:01 then I start working a county prosecutor's office. 10:06 That's what I meant Jeremy, yeah. 10:10 I can't believe it, I can't put the two together. 10:13 That hurts my brain. 10:14 For you, all that trauma, were you using at that time? 10:23 Here and there, just parties or what ever. 10:26 It wasn't like I had to have it. 10:28 So yours was relationships again. 10:30 So now you are dating someone and you meet Jeremy. 10:35 How long before you guys get together? 10:39 It was probably three years, because he actually started 10:43 dating my sister first, so he was in a relationship with 10:46 my sister for two years. 10:48 Then he split up from her. - I had another gal and had a kid. 10:54 - then he broke up with her and was living in his car. 10:57 That so attractive, you're living in your car, and would 11:00 you come stay with me? 11:02 And I'm thinking, I can fix you. 11:04 That drive to fix someone is absolutely huge. 11:10 It's like I know that all you need is someone to love you, 11:14 all you need is that. 11:16 So he moves in with you and what was that like? 11:21 He is still using. 11:23 What is funny is that the night we actually got together 11:26 was when my second divorce was final. 11:29 So we were celebrating and went out and got high and 11:33 he came back to my place and we pretty much been together 11:37 of and on since then. 11:38 Your second divorce, did you have children in that 11:40 relationship? Um Hummmm! I did. 11:41 I had one of my first marriage, one with my second, 11:44 then a third one out of wedlock. 11:47 So three kids from three different dads. 11:50 When you say that, I know for you that was the hardest 11:54 thing to say out loud. 11:56 I wouldn't dare, especially working in a prosecutor's 11:59 office, I mean they arrested girls. 12:01 They would say oh yeah this woman's got six kids, and they 12:04 all have different dads, and I'm thinking oh my, 12:06 I'm not going to say word. 12:08 Because I do not want to be put in that class, 12:10 but I was right there with them. 12:12 The reason I think that's amazing that you can say that 12:17 here, on this program, I know that healing God has been done 12:20 in your life, and I'm so proud of God. 12:23 We don't deserve any of it, we are just going from place 12:27 to place and we are so wounded and God says I love you. 12:30 I love you and I am so sorry that you have acted out in the 12:34 way you have acted out, I'm sorry that you're wounded and 12:37 have been wounded in the way you've been wounded. 12:39 I just want to bring healing and help you to surrender 12:42 all that shame, but at this point you are not even there 12:45 at that point, you are now in a relationship with Jeremy. 12:49 I know you guys and it cracks me up, because I know that 12:52 you are wild, you were wild in your addiction. 12:55 You don't take care the people around you, and you are 12:58 wanting someone to take care of you and bring someone in 13:01 that just cannot do that yet. 13:03 So what was that relationship like for you guys? 13:06 It was crazy, I think within the first three months of 13:10 being together, there was this one time a drug deal went 13:14 down at our house, it was an apartment. 13:15 The kids weren't there, they were in school or something. 13:19 Anyway as drug deal went down and that night Jeremy is 13:22 like I had to do something, have to take care of business. 13:25 So he was going to different town. 13:28 I'm sitting there and all of a sudden I get a phone call 13:30 asking for Jeremy and I said he was not here. 13:32 She says, well I think you are lying I look in your windows 13:35 right now, I'm thinking oh my word, really! 13:38 She said you better not call the cops because if you do I'm 13:41 going to bust out the window, dah, dah, dah. 13:43 She goes you need to open the door so we can see that 13:45 Jeremy is not there. 13:47 So I look in the peephole and there is two girls there. 13:49 One has a hammer and the other has 2 x 4. 13:52 I'm thinking, I'm just freaking out, my kids are in bed 13:55 and Jeremy is gone so I open the door and said 13:58 please just be quiet. 13:59 My kids are sleeping and so the girls goes and walks 14:02 through the room and she's like, 14:04 Jeremy owes us a hundred bucks. 14:06 I'm thinking, a hundred bucks and you're ready to bash 14:10 heads in for a hundred bucks? 14:12 I said I have a $40, please would you take that and go? 14:16 I was just petrified, so she was saying be sure you tell 14:20 Jeremy he owes you 40 bucks, but we will be back. 14:22 They leave and come to find out he was shot at that night. 14:27 That was the beginning of our relationship, 14:30 it really was wildness. 14:33 And you're still saying, how can I help? 14:36 I know I can change this guy. 14:38 It's interesting, and Jeremy I want you to say this from 14:43 a perspective of, even at that there is nothing in you that 14:48 says, I need to change anything? 14:53 Not at that point. - I need to protect these children, 14:55 I need to protect Heidi? 14:56 I tried keeping it away from that, just to show the level 15:00 of addiction I was in, I tried to keep it away from that. 15:05 He would tell me all the time, he was very compliant. 15:09 When I say compliant, he will come home when I would be 15:12 screaming and yelling, where in the heck were you? 15:13 What were you thinking? He would just say I'm so sorry, 15:19 I'm so sorry it won't happen again. 15:20 I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. 15:22 During our recovery it's funny because, when we would argue, 15:27 he would actually be combative. 15:29 I was like you know I liked you better when you are using, 15:32 because you have an opinion now. 15:35 Back then he would say what ever, very manipulative with 15:40 his words and would tell me what I wanted to hear. 15:43 All the time. - if there is anything else you need to 15:46 tell me about the relationship just to paint a color of what 15:50 that was like, go ahead. 15:52 I want to know when did God get involved? 15:54 Because to me I almost feel oppressed, because it is so, 15:59 there is so much stuff when we start acting out, and 16:03 addicts act out and for people that are using or watching, 16:07 they know all the craziness that happens. 16:09 How did God break through? What was your response to that? 16:17 I don't know how long we had been together, but I spent 16:24 the rent on dope, so we didn't have the rent money and 16:30 we got evicted, and I don't remember if that was, if they 16:36 both happened one after the other, but we ended up staying 16:41 in a woman's battered shelter. 16:43 - it was a homeless shelter. - A homeless shelter. 16:49 I remember us going to see the Pastor of the church, 16:54 do you remember counseling with him? 16:57 I would ask about, because I knew he had gone to church, 17:01 so I started asking. 17:02 We'd been going together for about a year and I would ask 17:05 little questions here and there. 17:06 He said they went to church on Saturday, I'm like Saturday, 17:10 that's really bazaar, because I had never heard of it, 17:12 I didn't have God or church or anything in my life. 17:14 So there were questions about a year after we got together 17:18 of here and there. - he's ministering to you? 17:21 I love that, I think God has a sense of humor in that 17:27 way, all this tragedy and all of a sudden, the little it that 17:31 you got throughout your life you are giving to her. 17:33 So at a homeless shelter you start meeting the Pastor and 17:38 he starts counseling with you a little. 17:40 Yeah, because I was the victim, I was the one who 17:43 everybody thought, oh Heidi, he's so horrible to you, 17:45 why are you staying with him? 17:46 That was just boosting me and my co-dependency, 17:50 just making me beam, not really a happy beam. 17:53 Somebody is recognizing that I'm doing everything I can 17:57 I am the good guy. 17:59 I'm doing everything right, he's the one who is wrong. 18:01 It's all on him because of his addiction I am the way I am. 18:05 So we will go to church here in there and it wasn't real 18:08 regular because I had to dress up. 18:12 I didn't feel comfortable dressing up, and people would 18:15 ask you are you wearing a dress? 18:17 We were smokers then, so we had to hide that. 18:20 They couldn't smell like smoke or anything like that. 18:25 God was popping in and out, He was definitely working on 18:31 us both. - So you into, what was the breakthrough, because 18:37 there had to be a decision time that you decide that you 18:43 are not going to use, Jeremy? 18:45 We had moved to Boise and we were doing okay. 18:53 - He started going to school. 18:56 - yeah, I started going to school. 18:57 But then I didn't have my lover, right? 19:01 So I sought it out and it found me, the devil seeks. 19:06 It's everywhere, drugs are an addiction everywhere. 19:11 We can find it where ever we move. 19:14 So I got into a whole different era of drug use. 19:21 I want to call it a different generation, because 19:27 I started seeing more and more and more black. 19:33 It was just this aura of evil and it was coming out 19:39 of the wood works. 19:40 It really started scaring me and we would split up and 19:46 I was still going to school. 19:48 - Let me jump in and say, for people who do not know, 19:50 sometimes when you get into a place where people are using 19:54 a lot of drugs, it is evil. 19:57 People are doing things that are so twisted. 19:59 The behaviors that are acceptable are twisted and there 20:04 is a point where you walk in and think, I know a lot of 20:09 people do not believe in the devil but you can feel the 20:13 presence of even demons in the room. 20:15 I think there is a point in addiction that you walk in 20:20 and just say, man, this is scary. 20:22 Some people think it is a hallucination, some people think 20:30 that or some people think it has to be in their head. 20:32 But I have been in that place, and it is definitely not 20:35 in your head, it's like you think okay. 20:37 I think maybe God gives us to just say, you can 20:41 continue this but it will take your very mind. 20:44 You will lose your body, you will lose your relationships, 20:47 but lose your mind. 20:49 Yeah, this was when I was right in the middle of it and 20:57 I started reaching up and out and saying, God what a my going 21:01 to do, what am I going to do? 21:02 One night I just walked out in front of the stars and 21:05 dropped to my knees and said, I've had enough. 21:07 I can't do this anymore, I do not want any more of it, 21:12 and from that point on I left the next day the house, 21:16 I was staying at, the story is great. 21:20 I called Heidi that night, I believe it was. 21:25 I used to have to travel to go get Internet, free Internet 21:30 somebody's, they'd have their thing wide open. 21:33 So I would get free Internet so I could check my e-mail. 21:37 I got this weird, bazaar e- mail from a single Christian 21:42 website. - I can't be without somebody, I always have 21:46 to have somebody, so even though I was in love with Jeremy 21:50 I still wanted somebody who didn't have the baggage he had. 21:54 Even though that's what I needed, but didn't realize 21:56 that at the time. 21:58 So I register for this Christian website. 22:02 - so you guys were not together at that time? - no. 22:05 We broke up, we were separated for probably three or four 22:09 weeks or so I told him that if he got his stuff together 22:14 and prove to me that he could not be using 22:18 that he can come back. 22:21 Well, in the meantime I'm registering for this Christian 22:24 website. - because three weeks is a long time? 22:26 is a long time 22:28 He evidently gets a confirming e- mail, I don't know how he 22:33 got it because I was putting in my e-mail address, but he 22:38 got it. - God did the whole routing thing. 22:43 That's right, because all of a sudden you are confronted 22:45 with. - it's like my heart goes what's going on here. 22:48 So I call her, I'm like what is going on with this? 22:52 We talked about it and I moved back in. 22:57 It was from there on. 23:01 What is funny is that before he actually, I was going to 23:07 kick him out, told him I couldn't do it anymore. 23:09 That day, on the way there I am praying to God the whole 23:12 time, I said I cannot do this without You. 23:14 Because he will start to get upset saying, he doesn't want 23:16 to leave or he'll change or whatever, it's the same cycle 23:19 over and over and over again. 23:21 I can't do that cycle, so I'm praying the whole time I'm 23:25 driving there, God you gotta to get me through this, 23:29 you gotta get me through this. 23:30 He got me through it, I didn't have the emotions, 23:33 I said there is your stuff, there is the door, 23:35 I've got an appointment and I will see you later. 23:37 I left, I mean there was no way I could have done that 23:40 without God helping me. 23:42 - and you needed to know that she could be done. - yeah. 23:47 I broke down. - oh yeah, he got upset like I've never 23:51 seen him. - I cried pretty heavily and that is the 23:55 first time I've cried like that in along time. 23:58 My heart was breaking inside but God was giving me the 24:01 strength to follow through with that because that was 24:05 the platform for his step of getting to his knees. 24:09 You guys couldn't have survived physically, mentally, 24:12 spiritually with these drugs and with these crazy stuff. 24:17 So you half to make that step and say, God is bigger than 24:21 we are and I have to turn it over. 24:22 If you are really here You will get me through this. 24:24 Because there is no way I can do this. 24:26 I'm going to open it up for questions right now, but I 24:31 want to go through the whole recovery thing. 24:33 We don't have time to do this program so I want to have 24:36 you back, but I want to ask some questions and then have 24:39 you guys close with us. 24:41 How is that? - that's okay. 24:42 Okay Eli, I know you had a question. 24:44 We have a son that has an addiction problem too, and he is 24:49 we have been through all that craziness. 24:52 He is in prison now, so I would love for him to be sitting 24:57 where Jeremy is sitting today. 24:59 - telling his story. - telling his story. 25:02 You know I'm sure there are a lot of families watching 25:06 that would love that recovery story that you guys are 25:10 sharing. - well if it wasn't for God we wouldn't be here. 25:14 Honestly, we would still be on that cycle. 25:16 Thank you Eli. When God came in and got your attention 25:22 I know it doesn't happen instantaneously, but tell me 25:28 some things that He did, just to give you hope that He was going 25:31 to complete the work in you, that He was not going 25:34 to give up on you. 25:35 Putting the right people into our lives, played a big part. 25:40 Like you Cheri, - there was a time I remember coming to church 25:45 and you were high and I was grabbing you saying get into 25:48 the Pastor's room, what are you doing? 25:51 But I do believe God put a lot of people in your life that 25:55 loved you, I remember one time you said I have to be here, 25:59 this is my safe place and it told me that in your addiction 26:03 you have to be in the house of God. 26:05 You have to come to church, you have to connect with us, 26:07 you have to stay faithful in what you know. 26:10 There was one time that Jeremy had stayed out all night, 26:13 it was during our recovery time, he had stayed out all night 26:17 and he came home the next morning and God was telling me, 26:21 ask him if he needs something? 26:24 Ask him if he wants some coffee or need some breakfast. 26:26 Be nice, don't harp on him, don't rag. 26:30 So I did all that and I went to the car and I actually was 26:34 getting ready for church. 26:36 I get into the car, God told me I was holding him back. 26:41 I'm holding him back from his recovery. 26:43 It was like a slap in the face, it was a gentle slap, 26:47 but it was like wow, and then He played these videos back 26:51 in my head as to what I had been doing and how I have been 26:54 doing it. Not so much focusing on him but focusing on me, 26:58 what I had been doing in this relationship. 27:00 I didn't make him do the drugs, but I kept him from going out 27:06 of the home, I was so horrible, I was. 27:11 - for somebody that doesn't know what you just meant by 27:14 that, because you talking about your co-dependency stuff. 27:17 So really spell that out for someone who just has no idea. 27:21 What do you mean? 27:22 Because what I know, with relationship addictions, 27:30 is a lot of times they have to be sick in order for me to 27:34 get my needs met, so if they start getting well, 27:37 I then get insecure, I don't know how to function at what 27:41 God was trying to say to you in such 27:43 a gentle way, as Heidi, 27:45 you have to deal with this so he can get well. 27:48 For people that are co-dependent for people that my stuff 27:54 is so huge, but it is not anything that people can see. 27:58 I'm not doing math, I'm not doing this and I'm doing all 28:01 the right things, and I'm the one staying home, I'm doing 28:05 the dishes, everything looks good and God just says that 28:08 part of you has to heal because you're getting in My way. 28:12 We are still dealing with my co-dependency, I mean I say 28:16 this so cliché, but drugs you can get rid of. 28:19 Emotions, the way I have been, and how I function, it's hard to 28:23 change, yes you have to change that with being an 28:26 addict, with any addiction you change that, 28:28 but I didn't have a substance, I wasn't holding on 28:31 physically to something and so we are still working 28:34 through my codependency, still. 28:37 - God is faithful. - extremely! - what I love about 28:40 the fact that He comes into our lives and works. 28:44 Because Jeremy, you have a ton to get used to, 28:47 because you had to say goodbye to that lover. 28:49 We had someone on the show previously that talked about 28:54 writing a letter to meth and saying as a lover I need to 28:58 break up with you, I need to sever this relationship. 29:01 They said they cried during the whole time, as they were 29:04 writing their letter and saying they didn't realize the 29:07 whole time that I thought you loved me, I didn't realize 29:09 you were robbing me of everything. 29:12 So during that time with God being faithful with your 29:16 learning to stand up outside your addiction, how is that 29:19 for you? - it was tough and a long road. 29:23 I am still learning emotions, learning how to feel certain 29:28 things, because I didn't feel for so long. 29:33 The only thing I felt was anger and, yeah, 29:38 it was very difficult. 29:40 You know the hurt and the betrayal, all the things you've 29:44 stuffed up, what is horrible with cleaning up, is all that 29:48 stuff comes up at once. 29:49 Where most people throughout their lives deal with that as 29:52 they go, with addicts we stuff everything, so it bubbles up, 29:55 almost at one time. 29:57 It funnels to anger, it become anger, and to deal with those 30:03 issues, the pain, that was a long road. 30:10 - I want to go ahead and break, I want you to come back 30:14 as we close and think about this, because this is what 30:18 I want you to say to us when you come back. 30:20 How do you, on a daily basis maintain a relationship with 30:25 God and your sobriety, whether it is emotionally or drugs? 30:29 So we're going to go ahead and take a break, and I what you 30:33 to think about that too, because on a daily basis for a lot of 30:36 us we have to connect with God and allow Him to continue 30:40 to work in our lives because at any moment that addict can 30:44 jump up and say wait, what about me. 30:46 So we will be right back and hear how they do it. |
Revised 2014-12-17