Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), C.A. Murray
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00084B
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00:14 You know Cheri I say this every season, seven seasons now.
00:18 It is true, it must sound like a broken record this may 00:22 be the strongest, the best yet. - I think so too. 00:25 And the most user friendly because it is going to force 00:28 individuals and encourage them to take a look at 00:31 themselves, not to look at just the recovery and celebrate 00:34 the recovery of those that they see on the screen, but to 00:37 also participate in that recovery by looking at their own 00:40 lives and maybe even finding some stuff they didn't know 00:43 was there in dealing with that. 00:45 Exactly, so we are talking, talking pride, anger, 00:48 rebellion, negative thinking, we're talking 00:53 about all that stuff. 00:54 I guess to, you got stuff, all God's children got stuff. 00:56 When I travel now people quote you saying that, 01:01 like C.A. says we all got stuff. 01:04 So this will help you and certainly encourage you to look 01:09 at your stuff and maybe secret stuff, any maybe stuff 01:14 you didn't know you had. 01:15 As you reflect on someone else's stuff you could say 01:18 I have a little bit of that and I need 01:20 to deal with that also. 01:22 With sex addictions, because they are so prevalent let's 01:24 just talk about those, it is obvious when somebody says 01:28 you know I am online porn and I am seeing prostitutes, 01:32 I'm sleeping around and having affairs, 01:34 what ever the sex addiction is. 01:35 For women having affairs or am lost in romance novels or 01:38 whatever day time soaps or whatever or however your 01:42 addiction shows itself. 01:44 There are studies saying that somebody with a sexual 01:47 addiction can connect with their spouse at about 3%. 01:51 So then you know we are disconnected from the people 01:55 around us and within if I get squeezed I am in 02:01 my addiction within a period of time. 02:04 Now if I get squeezed with disrespect, I'm angry, 02:07 the bills are due and I can't find the money for them 02:12 and I am squeezed, within a few hours I'm in my addiction 02:15 whether it's only in my head or if I am actually online. 02:19 So because of the addiction, the squeeze is what then 02:23 pushes me into it. 02:25 But if I take those things out of it, those stressors out 02:29 of it, the disrespect or rejection or low self-esteem or 02:32 whatever, if I start working on those and that is what the 02:36 inventory works on that I will not go into the addiction again. 02:39 So really is say a preventative thing. 02:41 I have to look at this and as I look at this, as I look 02:47 at what my underlying stuff is, then I start to reconnect 02:53 with the people I love. 02:54 I want to be with my spouse 100%. 02:57 I want to be in the relationships with friends that 03:00 I love 100%, not at 3%, I don't want to walk through 03:02 my life totally disconnected. 03:04 Somebody will say you know I can feel alone in the middle 03:08 of a crowd because we are so disconnected, 03:12 and our disconnect is our junk. 03:13 Your addiction is almost like the default setting on 03:18 your life, and the default setting sends you back into your 03:22 it's kind of twisted, kinky, self-indulgent. 03:26 Your default setting is separation, just falling into 03:31 your addiction and sort of circling around your 03:34 addiction to the exclusion of everything else. 03:37 Exactly, exactly at what is really fun in recovery is 03:41 that I feel free. 03:43 Do you know what I mean I feel free and I love my life. 03:46 I love my friendships and those things but I didn't 03:50 realize how many of these things were still hidden. 03:53 We are going to meet some more folks that were on the 03:56 program, there is a girl named Ashley out of Canada. 04:00 She has all kinds of stuff, but the overriding theme 04:03 in her life is that she has never felt good enough and 04:06 because of that whenever she doesn't feel good enough 04:09 she grabs an addiction. 04:10 She grabs something that medicates that feeling. 04:13 The moral inventory is let's deal with that why? The feeling! 04:19 Let's go on now Jennifer Jill she has a eating disorder 04:24 in her thing was to starve herself to death. 04:26 That is one thing I can do well and I'm going to do it. 04:29 A lot of people that I work with have eating disorders. 04:32 So we had Jennifer on. 04:34 Chris, she is now up a counselor but she was strung out on 04:39 meth and was facing federal charges for trafficking 04:43 and all that stuff. 04:44 You know when you are strung out on something that is 04:47 that obvious, it just says you need to stop doing meth 04:51 and my life would be together, she was crazier 04:53 than anything, so she had to deal with that. 04:55 So enjoy these clips because it's so amazing. 04:57 These folks are amazing. 04:59 I did it as a way to protect myself, as a way as to not 05:04 be hurt again and I had struggled for so many years to 05:10 lose weight, I'd always lose maybe 18 pounds 05:13 and no more than that. 05:14 I couldn't figure it out and I was so frustrated with it 05:19 and was so tired of being the fat friend, or the one 05:23 with the pretty face, or the one with the beautiful voice, 05:28 or the one that is good hockey, or the one that is 05:30 whatever it happened to be, the fun one. 05:34 I wanted to be beautiful like really beautiful. 05:37 Grass matted in my hair, mud all over, my face red with 05:41 crying, and I still remember the dress I had on and 05:45 every detail of the event. 05:47 So I went through that and that was a severe put on the 05:52 margin socially because of that I felt like an outcast 05:56 socially. So I don't have this real strong bond at home. 05:59 I don't have a relationship with my parents were I can go 06:02 home and see this awful thing happened to me, help me. 06:06 I had that with my kids so now I can make comparison and 06:09 say I wish I had that. 06:11 Because what you did was never talk about it to anyone. 06:14 There was a reason why, if you to your parents and they 06:18 do something about it then you get more attacked by the kids. 06:20 So there was a reason for that, but on the other hand if 06:23 the bond had been close enough I would have told them and 06:27 we would've worked together toward a solution. Exactly! 06:30 But I just did not tell my parents because I didn't want 06:33 them to say that my friends were bad, I really wanted 06:36 those kids like me and to accept me. Exactly! 06:39 There I walked in the door and there was a sign hanging, 06:43 he had hung the banner that was half hung under his feet 06:48 saying come home Chris. 06:50 He was passed out in a chair and had a bottle of 06:52 Jack Daniels in his hand. 06:53 He was like the burning bush for Moses was no more 06:57 prophetic than that was in was like God trying to tell 07:00 me run, get out, get out and instead I was too proud 07:04 to have to go back and tell my mom that she was right. 07:07 So what you said you just cleaned him up. - yeah. 07:12 Moved in and I was 16 at the time and I remember the 07:16 second night there he went out and bought a bottle of 07:20 wine for me and my stepmom because he was drinking again. 07:24 I remember sitting there and being really uncomfortable 07:27 thinking this isn't right but were doing it because 07:30 I don't know why, because we loved him. 07:33 It was these crazy mixed messages while I lived in that 07:38 household and he would once again, just all this sexualized 07:43 talk towards me and so I was dating a lot and had 07:49 no regard for my body. 07:51 I started, I became very promiscuous. 07:57 We are talking about addictions, we are not talking about 08:00 a person that is just addicted sugar or likes Oreos. 08:03 This is tough stuff when you have a meth habit and eating 08:05 disorders which are just a part of your body, whether you're 08:08 regurgitating or starving yourself or you can't stop 08:12 eating or which are the pendulum swings. 08:15 The idea that you just never feel good enough for anybody 08:18 and not even for yourself you just can't make the grade. 08:21 You know Ashley said to me when we first met, she lives in 08:25 little tiny town in Canada and when we first started 08:28 working together she said I feel lost. 08:31 I said how long, when was the first time you felt lost? 08:35 Can you imagine yourself as a kid? How old were you when 08:38 you started feeling that way? She said I don't know. 08:41 I said maybe you need to ask Jesus to help you find that 08:45 little kid, that lost little girl. 08:47 She started praying God I feel lost and I don't 08:51 know when I got lost, I don't know when 08:53 it all started falling apart. 08:54 So she all of a sudden comes to a moment where she was 08:59 molested by someone, you know someone in her family 09:04 and she said from that moment on she starting her eating 09:07 disorder and started gaining weight and started 09:09 withdrawing from folks. 09:10 She started to dress in baggy clothes and played hockey 09:15 so she could be more powerful and so we want to go down 09:20 to the point where she felt so violated and betrayed. 09:23 All this stuff comes from that, but if we are just 09:27 dealing with the stuff then we will never get to those 09:31 real core issues and healing is about those core issues. 09:34 The same with eating disorders with Jennifer. 09:36 She's talking about being bullied at school and then 09:41 she was violated, raped really by some girls on a 09:46 playground at school. So from that point on she has to 09:51 get control and control with eating is an easy thing to do 09:55 because you can't force someone to eat, you can't do 10:00 all that kind of stuff. 10:01 You know we just had the most incredible guests on. 10:05 And the next roll in I want to show you is that there is 10:10 a family that came on. 10:11 I had met this family, first I met Verna and Verna 10:15 is coming out of a gay lifestyle and all that and everybody 10:19 always talks about her sexuality. 10:21 It wasn't her sexuality that interests me, she has molest and 10:25 this dysfunction in her family and she has this anger that 10:29 came from that and she ended up in a same-sex 10:32 relationship, but that was a part of the whole picture it 10:36 wasn't the problem or the anything. 10:40 But what I fell in love with is that I then met her mom 10:44 who was praying the whole time, loving this girl the 10:47 whole time, and because of the early molest Verna was 10:51 angry at her mom and we'll get right in her face and be 10:55 really abusive and even during that time is women 10:58 prayed and that's who I wanted to interview and we will 11:00 meet that whole family and Lisa and her younger sister who had 11:02 jumped in the lifestyle too, crazy. 11:05 But this mom prayed through all of that. 11:07 Some kids from teen challenge I'm telling you I travel 11:14 and I speak in a lot of different places, but when I get 11:16 to speak with these kids that are sometimes 13 or 14 or 11:20 15 years old coming through these horrendous backgrounds. 11:24 One of the kids walks in and finds her dead and totally 11:28 flips out and get's so self abusive. 11:34 You know kids cut, their doing drugs and sleeping around 11:37 and people are judging the behavior of this girl walked 11:41 in and found her father dead with his drug overdose, 11:45 with asthma but with his drugs and all that stuff and 11:48 I just fell in love these kids. 11:51 And Linda they are just amazing group from the Teen Challenge 11:57 Organization so I want to introduce them to you but make 12:01 sure that you watch this next season because they will 12:06 win your heart, they definitely won mine. 12:10 If this is really what needs to happen, then You do it. 12:15 show be more evidence, show me what's next. 12:19 Maybe a couple weeks after I quit smoking He did show me 12:24 the next step and that was identifying with Mary Magdalene 12:28 through a You Tube video of a Heritage Singer song 12:33 We Are The Reason. 12:34 As I saw the clip a movie from the passion of the Christ 12:38 and Mary Magdalena on the ground looking up to Jesus 12:42 I just fell to my knees and a conviction laid on my heart. 12:49 The conviction was if Sunday my child, if Sunday is the 12:55 counterfeit to my Sabbath what would then be a 12:59 counterfeit to my creation? 13:01 It's an active of one, but it's also home and what we pray 13:06 for our house is it that even if the new student walks in and 13:10 their life is filled with chaos that they could feel 13:13 a piece of God. 13:15 Just to surround them and hey we have girls who have 13:18 moments, whether it be on their first day maybe to make 13:21 it through a couple of weeks and hop on a window at we're 13:24 having to go find them, hey it happens, that does happen 13:28 but at the same time I think it is only the Lord because 13:32 even when my heart breaks He just mends it back together. 13:35 Sometimes when you hear the stories of these young ladies 13:39 my heart is just broken for them. 13:40 Because their lives were in shambles, but to know when 13:45 somebody walks in and you have heard their story, and 13:48 many of our girls to come to us because their parents 13:51 place them with us in our program. 13:52 But to read your story on paper and to know the 13:56 brokenness and the chaos and watch them walk in, 14:00 the greatest part about my job is knowing that that is 14:03 not the girl I'm going to see leave Teen Challenge. 14:07 The first thing I saw was a sign I Believe In Miracles. 14:10 I didn't think that was going to happen to me and 14:13 I didn't believe miracles can happen in me because 14:15 I felt so hopeless. 14:17 Hopeless like my mom because she punishes me, she tried 14:21 so hard and I don't think this is going to work because 14:26 my mother has tried so many things. 14:28 You don't think you'd be able to change? 14:30 No because I think this is who I am. 14:31 They didn't know at the beginning I was doing it until 14:32 one time I was in my room and I was angry. 14:36 Most of the time they would just leave me alone and say 14:39 she is angry and not even going to the room. 14:41 And they stepped into my room and I was actually cutting 14:45 myself and they stepped in and took my arm and started 14:49 sticking pressure on it. 14:51 I just love them, I love them. 14:54 You know what I do get to speak at Teen Challenge I get to 14:57 work with these girls and I looked right at their face and 15:01 they are me, they are exactly where it was at it I didn't 15:04 have a program to go to. 15:06 Most of these girls come kicking and screaming. 15:08 They don't want to be there, I don't want treatment, what 15:11 do you mean you're going to be dropping me off somewhere? 15:14 you want my cell phone are you kidding me? 15:16 I can't get on face book. 15:18 They would be so angry and within months they be starting 15:20 to come around in this particular group when I worked 15:23 with them, I just say can you imagine even doing what I do. 15:27 I actually go out and try to help someone and I saw their 15:30 eyes well up with tears. I couldn't imagine that and Cheri 15:34 do that, a couple of the girls are going to start traveling 15:37 with us on some of our trips to True Step Ministries because 15:41 they really have gotten it and they do want the recovery 15:44 but if they don't do this step, if they don't get to the 15:47 core issues they will never stand up. 15:50 This is the key, a part of this process also and you said 15:54 just now, get into the core issues. 15:56 Sometimes we look at the symptoms, well you're acting 15:57 out, well you're taking drugs, well you're living homosexual 16:00 lifestyle, and we stopped there. 16:02 Okay just stop it, stop it there. 16:04 You can't stop this there is something driving this and 16:07 there is fuel under here driving this so even if I tried 16:09 to stop it is only to be temporary because we haven't 16:12 dealt with the core stuff yet. 16:13 That is why we talk about honesty and digging deep, 16:17 there is something driving what your doing, your behavior 16:20 is being pushed and motivated by something so let's get to 16:23 that then we can make some real changes. 16:25 I know that I have mentioned this before but I would like 16:27 to mention it again. 16:28 Brad was not a Christian for years and years and years in 16:31 our marriage, in fact he is going to be in the next roll 16:35 in on his anger and all that stuff. 16:37 He is not a Christian and I would come home from an 16:41 event doing out reach that was incredible and God 16:44 did this miracle stuff and Brad is not even a Christian 16:47 and he would go do we have to talk about this all day? 16:50 As far as Celebrating Life In Recovery he thought I was 16:53 trying to use that to convert him so 16:55 he hardly ever watched it. 16:56 It was just crazy to come home and have all that stuff. 17:00 But he would always ask me the same thing when I come 17:04 home, he would say well you did this gig for a couple weeks 17:09 and how much money did you make? 17:10 I'm thinking I can't talk about God and all the miracles 17:14 but I can to you how much money came in? 17:16 I wanted to strangle him, and I remember at one point 17:20 just feeling so much rage that I couldn't figure out what 17:23 is it but I didn't want to talk with him. 17:25 I wanted to say can I just come and stay at a hotel for 17:28 a couple of days and debriefed before come home to you? 17:31 I was angry and every single time he said it 17:34 the anger got worse. 17:36 And then we were standing in front of counselor and Brad 17:40 came into accepting Christ and changing his life and 17:44 spiritually growing in the counselor said Cheri why does 17:48 that make you so angry? It still did it, makes me angry. 17:49 I thought you know what, when I lived on the streets for 17:53 10 years what do you think the guys asked me when I got 17:57 off my shift? How much money did you make? 18:00 Because that's what my job was to bring in money weather 18:03 was selling drugs or doing whatever. 18:05 I thought not doing something for God and I still have 18:08 some fool asking me how much money I made. 18:11 You know what I mean, Brad I'm sorry about 18:14 the whole fool thing. 18:15 So to me unless I do this fearless inventory, 18:18 unless I realize the button he is pushing, 18:22 he never meant to push that button. 18:24 He never looked at me that way in his mind never 18:27 thought of that. 18:28 When he realized that's what I heard is that I heard 18:31 somebody using me for money just like they used me 18:34 when I was on the streets for money. 18:36 He cried, he said Cheri I love you and that 18:39 was never my intention. 18:41 So to do the inventory, God says you don't even know 18:46 when you get into the shadows what is there. 18:49 I have to say another thing about doing it with somebody, 18:53 it is really important to do with somebody. 18:55 If I was blind, totally blind and lived in a place 18:59 I could kind of straighten up, I could kind of clean up my 19:04 house but not really I need to really get a sighted 19:06 friend that is willing to come in and see what 19:09 I missed in the corners. 19:10 Because I could be cleaning up and sweeping up and there 19:13 could be a great big sheet of paper on the floor that 19:15 I do not see because I am blind. 19:17 So that person will see that, so you invite a sighted 19:20 friend in that says you have missed a few areas and let me 19:23 help you and this is the same with doing your inventory. 19:26 Try to find somebody that you trust, a sighted friend 19:30 so they can start showing you your blind spots. 19:34 And when you see them don't get defensive, you have them. 19:38 They are there. Mine are not pretty, I manipulate, 19:42 I lie, I'm incredibly self focused because of the abuse 19:46 and it is all about me and my pain and my stuff. 19:50 Until I get rid of that, I can't look at your pain and 19:53 I can't care about you so having somebody that shows 19:56 you all that is just amazing. 19:58 We have one more roll in and its roll I love too is that 20:03 emotionally, a lot of us are emotionally challenged. 20:07 I met this guy that wrote a book called Bullet Proof. 20:10 And Bullet Proof is learning to trust and learning to 20:13 establish those relationships. 20:15 I really got that, I want to be bulletproof when somebody 20:18 triggers me so this is David and Brian and 20:22 they are amazing. 20:23 David won my heart, he was raised by an autistic mother 20:28 who could not even give him clues on how to feel on how to 20:32 respond emotionally, he didn't know any of that stuff. 20:36 When he comes out he has to start from scratch. 20:39 My husband of course who I adore, and he is dealing with 20:43 his denial about anger issues in his pride issues, that 20:47 is really one of the hardest things to deal with is pride 20:50 because I don't have any issues. 20:53 And they're too proud to you look at them. 20:55 You may have the issue you know. 20:58 The other one is a guy named Wayne coming out of 21:02 homosexuality and you know what he said? 21:05 I love this he said I may not ever be heterosexual but 21:10 I'm going to be loved and will be saved and I'm going 21:13 to be in the kingdom and I'm not going to be acting out 21:16 in the same way. 21:17 So I may not be marrying anybody but I am now wed to 21:21 Christ and I am okay. 21:22 So enjoy this. 21:27 A parent came in, a person in the church, a respected 21:30 person came in and they didn't know I was listening. 21:34 They just tore my parents up one side and down the other 21:37 and basically said you guys are bad parents. 21:41 I came out and I don't remember well because in my head 21:46 injury but I was like how dare you? God was the perfect 21:51 parent and He lost a third of the Angels. Hello! 21:55 Now these people are coming to my parents after they had 21:58 done a very good job of raising me and something had 22:01 happened and I had gone bad, by that time I had gone bad 22:04 as far society is concerned. 22:07 With relationships when I had back then was a tit-for-tat 22:11 thing. I would do something for you and I would expect 22:14 you to do something for me and is going to be whatever 22:16 I wanted to be and you are going to do it now. 22:19 If you don't then you are a lousy person. 22:21 By the power of God, that's exactly what was getting to 22:25 a place where I had decided I don't want this anymore. 22:30 I was able to see it - I am powerless here. 22:32 I heard some people talked earlier about being a broken 22:36 man and I had really reach the kind of breaking point with 22:39 this where you have got to get fixed in some capacity or 22:43 another and go through a coaching and healing prayer 22:48 process, it was to be able to take it to Jesus and let Him 22:52 deal with it and tell Him He can have it. 22:55 There is an interesting thing about taking ownership for your 22:58 own emotions, you have to own them.- The pain that you caused. 23:02 And the pain I caused to myself and others and it is getting 23:05 into this legal concept that I have to have full ownership 23:08 in order to give it away. If I leave something out there 23:11 well yeah this, but that was so and so's fault. 23:15 There is still a hook in there that Satan has. 23:18 When I had that mutual sexual experience with other guys, 23:22 I began to think that I was normal. 23:25 I thought finally I was being accepted, it was an affirmation 23:31 all guys must do this and go through this and then this went 23:38 for a year, year and a half maybe two. 23:40 Then these guys began to say well they weren't really 23:44 interested in this anymore, they were interested in girls. 23:50 I thought okay I am a little late, I kept waiting for that 23:55 to click and to kick in. 23:57 It didn't go away, I still wanted the love and the 24:03 affirmation and the masculinity and the comfort that there 24:07 seemed to be when I was around another guy 24:10 as apposed to a woman. 24:12 I got to tell you, every time I listen to Brad present 24:15 because his goal in life is to win my heart everyday. 24:20 It's such a tough life. When he does his moral inventory 24:24 he does it with how good of a father am I? 24:27 What kind of husband am I? What does my home feel like? 24:31 Do people laugh out loud and enjoy coming into this house? 24:36 The fact that I get to be a part of his journey, Delights me. 24:42 The idea of celebrating life in recovery, Brad is such a humble 24:47 guy, you got a Teflon, a smooth kind of guy. You don't see him 24:52 as an arrogant, looking down your nose type dude. 24:54 But obviously God has healed that stuff, he has looked into 24:58 his own life and chosen to jet us in that kind of stuff. 25:01 His dad was an ambassador for United states and his mom 25:04 is a violinist and they were always better than the folks 25:08 around them were and he got that generationally. 25:10 So it is not that all of a sudden Brad walked into 25:13 adulthood and said I think I will be an arrogant you know. 25:17 He got that, it was just breed into him. 25:20 So even when we talk about the folks that were on this last 25:25 segment is that the things we walk into and get right away. 25:31 Wayne coming out of same sex attractions, when his mom was 25:37 pregnant she wanted a girl and literally as an infant broke 25:42 his arm in two places during one of her abuses and the father 25:46 would come home and find this kid abused because she did not 25:50 want a boy, so his whole life growing up, he said if I could 25:54 be a little girl everything would be okay. 25:56 So when I do programs like this they misunderstand my intent. 26:02 My intent is not to judge any bodies sexual orientation. 26:07 My intent is to take the individual in front of me 26:10 What is your journey? I'm not making social statements 26:13 not trying to change laws and legislation, each of us are so 26:17 individual and God looks at that in each of us. 26:20 Our journeys are so different so with the last few we saw 26:27 they just had different things. David was raised by a mom with 26:32 autism you know what I mean? How does that look? 26:35 Some folks with autism have it so badly you have to have a flip 26:39 book, and the flip book has different faces with emotions 26:43 on it and you flip and say oh this is what happy looks like 26:47 so when CA looks like this that means he is happy. 26:48 This is what anger looks like, so you really have to have those 26:52 kinds of clues, so he was raised by somebody who could give no 26:56 clues, and then we talk about Brian who had a sever head 26:59 injury and was one way at one moment gets this head injury 27:03 and all of a sudden he is out of control and doing drugs and 27:06 having sex and he doesn't know how to process 27:09 and can't retain stuff. 27:11 Now he has to come in and each one of us when we come to a 27:15 place in that inventory, come to a place of looking at that 27:20 stuff through these tragedies of our lives and they are never 27:24 easy, absolutely never easy. 27:25 So we are going to take a break and come back in. 27:27 But each of the people on this season were so different. 27:33 So different but everything was so intent. 27:38 I'm so proud of them and you know what? 27:39 Outside of all the addictions they gave up they decided 27:43 to take this fearless and searching inventory and they 27:47 are getting freedom, that's cool we'll be right back! |
Revised 2014-12-17