Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Bobbie Hartman, Tammy Hartman, Haylee Staton
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00085C
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00:12 Welcome back, we are now going to meet Haylee and I just
00:17 want to say we are doing this whole program on looking at 00:21 her stuff, are there any blind spots, are you really 00:23 being tripped up by things that may take your life? 00:27 How does God bring us out of that? 00:29 When the worst case happens, like what happened with Lynn 00:37 is, does God care about that? 00:40 What was incredible to me Haylee that God with your mom 00:45 was there at the very last minute. 00:47 So I would like to start with you telling us who you are. 00:52 Telling us what did you feel when you watched your aunt 00:56 talking about your mom on death? 00:58 Well I'm Haylee, Lynn's daughter, and I am almost 15. 01:04 Actually my birthday is in July. 01:06 When my aunt was just now talking earlier about my mom, 01:10 some of the stuff I really didn't know because they never 01:14 told me, so it was more like a big shock. 01:16 I was more like whoa. - What stuff didn't you know? 01:21 I didn't know that my mom had threatened by Me-ma. 01:25 I didn't know that. 01:26 You told me one time that you would even go and get 01:31 your mom's drugs, talk about that a little bit. 01:35 You told me about going to the neighbors. 01:37 I would be playing outside and my mom will come and get me 01:40 and she would be like, would you run over to the neighbors 01:43 house and get this for me? I'd have a note with it. 01:46 I would just go up to the house and get whatever was 01:49 needed and bring it to her. 01:51 So even though you didn't know what happened with your 01:54 grandma and your mom, but you knew about your mom's taking 01:58 pain meds? I knew right off the bat. - Talk about that. 02:02 What was it like, what was your house like? 02:04 It was like, I wouldn't really know how to describe it. 02:08 It was more like confused really sad, and why is she doing this? 02:12 Because your mom really gave the care of raising your sister 02:16 on you, kind of because she was high? 02:19 Yeah, I did some of the work sometimes but not all the 02:25 time. Did you love your mom? - very, very much, 02:29 I was a mama's girl. - Where you? - yes! 02:32 Was she always strung out, was she always using? 02:36 I mean when you were a real little do you remember that? 02:40 No, it just started happening after she had her surgery, 02:44 but before that she was really cool. 02:46 She would play with us but after her surgery she just 02:50 went loco, she lost it all. It was really sad. 02:54 What age when she had her surgery? Do you remember? 02:59 Was I? - yes. - like 11, or 10. 03:04 So before that it was like a normal house? - Um hmmm. 03:08 Where was your dad during this time? 03:10 He was, most of the time he went to work and he brought us 03:14 to my Me-ma's House and my aunt would take us to school. 03:17 Sometimes if he was going to go do something, 03:20 he does it differently. 03:21 Was that real dad or stepdad? 03:23 - stepdad, I've never met my real dad. 03:25 To this day? - to this day. 03:28 So with, talk about during the last part, well talk 03:37 about who you are spiritually first. 03:38 I know that you are a Christian. - Um hmmm. 03:40 So talk about that. - Well I have been an Adventist 03:43 for like four years, but when my mom was alive I really 03:47 didn't go to church. 03:48 I went to church and went out to eat and stuff I wasn't 03:51 really a big Christian. 03:53 After she died, I opened up and started letting God in 03:58 and went on Kids Time and gave my heart to God. 04:03 - Was you blessed then? - yes and I am now going to 04:07 a Christian school. - right. 04:09 What part of your mom's journey influenced you to come 04:15 back and look at who God is for real? 04:17 When she gave her life to God, I never thought she would 04:20 do that again, it was like I never thought that. 04:25 What was that like for you? 04:26 I was happy, I was like hey she's getting back with God 04:30 again, and I was happy. 04:33 Did you see the hope in her eyes when she started doing that? 04:35 Not really because the night she gave her life to God 04:40 I wasn't there, thankfully because I was with my dad in 04:45 Kansas City celebrating my grandpa's birthday. 04:49 Because that was also the night she died? - yes! 04:52 It was very unexpected. - for you it was? 04:58 Or was it for everybody really? - really everybody. 05:00 She was getting into rehab and doing the whole recovery 05:03 thing. - I was young and didn't really know much. 05:06 I was just like, I was just like normal daughter until 05:10 afterwards and all this stuff started happening and me 05:15 and my sister got separated and we went somewhere else. 05:20 So you went different places to live? 05:22 So not only did you really knew, this is where I think 05:26 a lot of people do not realize, is you really knew how 05:30 to care for your sister and take that leadership role 05:33 in the household, so you adapted to that. 05:36 But when mom, when you lost your mom, not only the 05:40 sadness with that, but then you guys get separated? 05:43 We rarely saw each other, we talked on the phone all the 05:48 time but we live so far apart, like we were an hour apart. 05:52 So you don't see each other too much? - no but as things 05:56 changed and I was going to a Christian school, now I see 06:01 her more often. - is she in the same school? 06:04 No, she is in the same city as me. - okay! 06:06 So your life has changed in a lot of different ways 06:11 since your mom's death. What was that like because 06:14 I can't imagine losing my mom, especially when 06:18 you were so young. Did you go to counseling? 06:21 Yes I went to counseling ever since after she died. 06:25 I went to counseling and quit, I went back to counseling 06:29 and I am still in it now. 06:31 Does it help to be able to talk to somebody? 06:33 - yes and it helps to know 06:35 there is somebody who will not tell nobody about any 06:38 thing I tell them, and she is really cool. 06:42 I get to play games and stuff until something comes up 06:47 in my mind that I want to talk about. 06:48 So she doesn't rush you or push you to talk about stuff? 06:53 What is the hardest thing for you with your mom gone? 06:58 Going through life without her, like without her there 07:02 it's like I don't have a family anymore. 07:06 Because dad is not here anymore? - right! 07:10 Your stepfather, he left about the same time? Did he? 07:13 He was cheating on my mom when mom was in the hospital. 07:17 Him and this other girl, it wasn't all his fault. 07:21 Me, I pretty much took control of my sister and then 07:26 after my dad had moved out and was gone everything just 07:30 start falling apart. - wow! 07:34 I can't even imagine the things you've gone through. 07:35 Yeah, I have lost a lot. 07:37 Yeah and your grandma died after that too right? 07:40 Well both, one before and one after. - wow! 07:43 How did you survive all of this? 07:46 I honestly don't know, with out God I wouldn't be 07:51 here, I don't know where I would be. 07:53 I would be lost in the desert somewhere. 07:55 Right, you really held on to God in prayer and definitely 08:00 been able to talk to somebody like a counselor. 08:03 I'm not the type of girl that holds stuff in, 08:05 I have to let it out. 08:06 If I told a lie, five seconds later I'd have to tell 08:09 somebody, I cannot hold stuff in, it is hard for me to do. 08:14 I just really want to adopt you. 08:17 I felt like that because we have met the few times and 08:20 I have felt like that every single time I meet you I feel 08:24 like I know the pain you have to deal with, the struggles 08:28 that you have to go through. 08:29 I know that sometimes you are at a school function and you 08:33 have neither a mother or a father there to come in and 08:36 watch you and my heart breaks for you, but I also have so 08:40 much faith in God and His ability to lift your head up. 08:43 This is going to be a huge question. 08:46 So if you tell me I just don't understand what you're 08:50 asking just feel free to say that. 08:52 We talk about the fact that sometimes people let their 08:56 addictions really go on to where they don't even face 09:01 them, they don't even acknowledge them. 09:03 Everybody around them suffers, does that make sense when 09:07 we talk about that? Did you feel that in your own life? 09:11 That your mom never, go ahead and talk about that. 09:14 When she was addicted she was like always falling asleep. 09:17 Me and my aunt would have to come to get us, or me and 09:21 my sister would walk home from school sometimes. 09:23 Because she forget to pick you up? 09:24 Yeah she would fall asleep and like I couldn't do anything 09:26 with her, she would either sleep or get so scared 09:29 she was sending me to Me-ma's House when there was 09:33 tornado and such. She had some paranoia then? - yeah! 09:36 She had some fears. 09:38 It really affected me much, a lot because with all this 09:43 and just couldn't face losing my mom. 09:47 I never pictured it. 09:48 So to me I like what you said because you said sometimes 09:52 in our addictions we forget to pick our kids up, the 09:56 was you, pick our children up, and there 10:00 is no way that somebody can come to a game, or sing in 10:03 the choir there is no way for that to happen because of 10:06 the condition, and when you got home who fixed meals? 10:09 Sometimes my mom did but other times I would go 10:12 to my aunt's house and eat her food, 10:14 she cooked most of the time. 10:16 You knew if your mom was too high to just go to your aunt's 10:20 house and you could get something to eat. - ah hmmm! 10:23 Who is the adult in the house do you think? 10:26 Hmmm. - because I'm thinking it was you. 10:30 Well I'm not sure, I don't think it was my mom much 10:35 but I don't think it was me because I was in that growing 10:40 stage and I did some stuff that wasn't the best. 10:43 But, I'm not sure exactly. 10:46 - so there were no adults in the house? 10:48 Well me acting like one sometimes. 10:53 It is really interesting because every time I meet you 10:57 and think about the fact that it's nice in recovery for 11:02 people to wake up to their own condition so that 11:06 they can bring in healing and everybody else can like 11:10 have a mom, have a normal household. 11:13 Would you have ever considered your house normal? - no. 11:16 The house has never been normal, never. 11:19 Would you invite friends over? 11:22 Yeah I was free to bring them over, I'm not embarrassed 11:27 with my family and if they don't like it then 11:29 that is their problem. 11:31 Even in all the craziness you protected your family? 11:35 Ah hmmm. - I love them, that is huge because you have 11:39 such a good heart, you have such a good heart. 11:41 If you were talking to somebody else that was in the 11:44 situation you were in growing up, 11:48 what would you say to them? 11:49 Just grab a hold of the Bible and don't let go. 11:56 Hang on to God, pray every day, read your Bible even 12:01 though it is hard to translate from being a normal 12:05 regular person to an Adventist it's going to take some 12:09 time and a lot of effort but with God's help 12:11 you can do it. 12:12 You really got a lot of comfort with your relationship 12:17 with God, but now I'm going to say some that I know 12:19 about you is that there was a time you are angry at God. 12:22 What does that look like and what did you say to Him 12:26 and how did He heal that? 12:30 Well I was like, after my mom died, why God? Why take 12:36 her away from me? She was the only thing I had. 12:39 I don't know how I healed but I started going to church 12:44 and got baptized and was in Pathfinders. 12:47 So you surrounded yourself with people that believed 12:51 in God? - Um hmmm. - a lot of support. 12:53 To me I, do you remember, like when you said, 12:58 you asked God why did You take her from me? 13:02 Can you remember those prayers and did you get 13:06 a sense of God's love for you? 13:09 I got a sense of it, like my heart was just touched, 13:12 I felt so bad after I said it, but I don't remember 13:15 the prayers, it was so long ago. 13:17 I love what you're saying that you got a sense that your 13:20 heart was touched, that God did hear me. 13:23 What I think for someone who has to go through that kind 13:28 of pain is that the reality is that God is the only 13:34 innocent party, I have a feeling that God a lot of times 13:38 tried to get your mom to stop using. 13:42 If you know what I mean? 13:44 That the whole situation was heartbreaking. 13:47 In some parts I'm glad that my mom did die because 13:50 I wouldn't be this close to God, I wouldn't be here 13:54 right now, I wouldn't be an Adventist. 13:56 I don't know who I would be but after my mom died 14:00 I got so close to God. 14:01 Most people it would be hard for them to understand that, 14:05 but it changed your whole life. 14:07 It did, I stopped eating pork and everything. 14:12 I feel so much better now. 14:14 - changed your diet and stuff. 14:15 So you know what I want to say is that I know that 14:19 you are in a Christian school right now and it has really 14:25 been difficult for you to stay in a Christian school 14:28 because financially there is no money anywhere. 14:30 You asked me, tell me what you asked me before we started 14:35 the program. - if I can mention something about to keep 14:39 staying in a Christian school because right now money 14:43 I don't even like the sound of that word because it has 14:46 caused much trouble and I don't really want to go back to 14:48 public school. I don't like it there at all. 14:51 I have lots of friends there but I don't like it there. 14:54 Because the direction you would go into public school is 14:58 probably not as safe? - yeah. 15:00 You know that everything in me tells you to not even try 15:03 drugs, don't drink, don't use don't do anything because 15:06 you have that addictive gene in you, but what you are 15:10 saying is I wish I could stay in Christian schools, 15:13 so what would be the only way that you could stay? 15:17 If I had some help, some sponsors, some people who would 15:22 like to help out a little bit. 15:24 So I have to say we never do this on this program, but I 15:28 am asking for a sponsor, I'm just asking if there is 15:32 anybody that could sponsor Haylee's education and you are 15:36 out there and hearing this, I beg you to get a hold of us. 15:39 truestepministries.org and we will put 15:42 you guys together. You know you are going to have a 15:46 battle, we talk about the blind spots in your mom. 15:49 The addictions that she had to deal with in her life 15:53 and how you begin not even to see the fact that I'm not 15:56 picking my kids up, and am not doing all that stuff but 16:00 in your sadness sometimes there's blind spots in your 16:04 own life, do you see any blind spots for things that maybe 16:08 you have to make sure you pay attention to? 16:11 Some of them yes, but not all the time. 16:15 Some spots are like blind but other spots I see clearly. 16:19 What kind of things do you deal with that you see clearly, 16:22 that you know I have to pay attention to this. 16:25 I have to bring it up with counseling, or with my friends. 16:28 When ever I start missing my mom, whenever I do some 16:33 thing I'm not proud of it and my faith in God and myself 16:38 get really low, it's like it's time. 16:41 So you can feel that slide? Right, you can feel that 16:45 all of a sudden I'm feeling depressed, I may be thinking 16:48 or saying things that are not good. 16:50 Do you have negative thoughts that you deal with? 16:52 Yes, to be honest all the time. 16:56 What's really if you didn't that would be so unusual, 17:00 because you have been through a lot, but even with those 17:04 negative thoughts, being able to not ignore them, 17:07 you really do want to talk to 17:11 the counselor or your Pastor or your aunt or somebody. 17:15 Call me up, we're Face Book friends, Face Book me. 17:19 But those negative thoughts if they stay, they literally 17:23 create blind spots that get you in a place where your life 17:27 changes, do you know what I mean? 17:29 Your current life, so being able to say I'm not 17:32 going to let those things just go without being brought 17:37 out to someone. 17:39 What does your negative thinking look like? 17:41 What kinds of things you think about? 17:43 Negative thoughts, like about me being fat, why am I here? 17:50 - being alone? - yeah. 17:52 So all those things and you know what? 17:56 I used to think that, because my parents were addicts, 17:59 so one of the things I have in common with you and it is 18:03 hard to explain to somebody, is that even at the best of 18:06 best an addict is very self focused. 18:10 They don't give their children a lot because they are 18:13 asleep, if you know what I mean? 18:14 They are doing something else, it's not that they don't 18:17 love us, they just don't give a lot. 18:18 So nobody probably has told you, you are beautiful. 18:23 Because I know when I tell you that you look at me and 18:27 smile and look away right away. 18:29 But you need to surround yourself with people who will 18:32 say you are beautiful and what you have to offer is 18:36 going to be incredible. 18:37 I know that at one point you even talked about someday 18:40 you would like to be in ministry. 18:42 What is that all about? 18:44 Well I want to help people who have been through what 18:47 I have been through, I want to help them step by step 18:50 with God's help, I don't want to sit back and 18:54 see all the stuff happening. 18:55 I want to actually know and help the people that are 19:01 going through some of the stuff. 19:02 To be able to see them, people who are having drugs in 19:05 their family, people that are going through death with 19:09 somebody that they love? 19:11 Anything else? - Just about like drugs too, 19:16 everything pretty much. 19:19 To me what is the e-mail that you have? 19:23 Hayleeministries@yahoo.com 19:28 I love that Haylee's ministries, so already you're 19:31 thinking in that direction, you really are looking at 19:34 how is God going to use this and how am I going to stand 19:38 up and how all my going to reach out to the people around 19:41 me that are going through the same kind of things. 19:43 I just have to say, there is a part of me that my heart 19:47 breaks for the things that you have to see, or had to 19:51 see this young because you are so young still. 19:55 But I also look at you and think that you are an 20:00 incredible young Christian that is standing up in 20:04 ministry and I am so proud of you. 20:06 Is there anything else that you need to tell us about 20:10 your journey that you think would be important to say? 20:16 Just keep your focus on God and don't let go no matter 20:20 how hard the devil tries, just don't, don't even. 20:25 He will try, he will because he's tried on me a lot. 20:30 Keep your focus on God as much as you can. 20:32 Thank you so much for being on the program. 20:35 Thank you for every single thing you brought to this 20:39 topic from your mom to what you have dealt with and even 20:44 what you are going to take in to ministry. 20:46 I just enjoyed hanging out with you. 20:48 Thank you I enjoyed it too. - cool! 20:50 Now what I would like for everyone to think about as 20:54 we close is that we are talking about our blind spots. 20:57 We are talking about the things they can actually take 21:01 us down, and I didn't mean to get so heavy with this at 21:05 first, but what I believe more than anything is that our 21:09 addictions will destroy us. 21:11 What I saw when I met Haylee and Bobby and Tammy, 21:16 when I met them the first time, is that they are dealing 21:19 with Lynn and what happened with Lynn and they were 21:22 powerless to do anything for her because she was locked in this 21:27 addiction unto the very end. 21:29 I am thrilled that she came back around at the very end. 21:32 I really believe that we have a God that if I can say to 21:36 God that I am done, I'm going to turn this over to you. 21:39 Please through the Holy Spirit show me every single thing that 21:45 I need to know to break out of my denial, to break out of my 21:50 addiction and if I have to I'll ask people that I love, 21:53 all as my husband or my daughter or my best friend. 21:56 Is there anything that you see that I am needing to look 22:01 at that I am not paying attention to. 22:02 Whether it is pride, whether it is anger, or whether it 22:06 is what a lot of us are just too sensitive and we respond 22:09 to everything, to hang out with us is like walking 22:12 on eggshells sometimes. 22:13 We have to look at all that stuff, am I dying in my 22:18 addictions and doing all that stuff and get that 22:20 information from someone else and let the Holy Spirit 22:23 direct you into recovery, direct you back to a right 22:26 relationship with God. 22:27 And in the Lamentations I'd love this in Lamentations it 22:30 says, "let us examine our ways." Lamentations 3:40 22:34 "let's examine our ways and let us turn back to the Lord." 22:38 Let us look at all our stuff and let us pay attention. 22:42 I just want to say the thousand times, pay attention 22:45 because recovery is not only stopping the addiction. 22:49 Recovery is not only turning away from that but it is 22:52 what ever trips you up as far as this character stuff. 22:56 Surrender that, be done with that and let God show you 23:00 who you actually are and how blessed you are in Him and 23:04 turn back to your relationships and love on 23:07 the people around you and let them love on you. 23:09 I had a great time, this was a heavy topic but you met 23:12 some incredible folks and I am glad that you are with us. 23:16 Remember to look at your stuff no matter what it looks 23:20 like, ask people were my blind spots are and stay with 23:23 us all season because we are going to cover a lot of 23:26 this so until then remember that God is crazy about you 23:29 and me too, goodbye and God bless. |
Revised 2014-12-17