Participants: Alanzo & June Smith
Series Code: FFH
Program Code: FFH00002A
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00:04 With each new day families are failing and homes are
00:08 broken, marriages are threatened, fathers are absent. 00:13 Children are rebellious but all is not lost. 00:17 Homes can be healed and hearts can be mended. 00:21 Let's reclaim our Families 4 Heaven. 00:33 Thank you for watching Families 4 Heaven. 00:37 I'm Alanzo Smith And my host is June Smith. 00:42 We are going to be discussing with you divorce, 00:46 An Emotional Blow. 00:49 A divorce is painful. 00:53 Everyone who has experienced will testify that sometimes 00:57 it feels like an amputation. 01:00 Tonight we are going to talk a little about what a family 01:04 goes through when a divorce occurs? 01:09 Here in the United States of America, in one year alone 01:13 We had over 2.5 million marriages. 01:16 In that same year we have 1.2 million divorces. 01:23 So we're saying that almost 20 million of these marriages 01:29 end in a divorce. 01:31 Yes, as a matter of fact, the divorce rate is anywhere 01:35 from 40, 45 to 50%, and that is very, very high. 01:43 Over 1 million children experience a divorce annually. 01:47 So this is not just affecting two adults who are going 01:52 through a separation, but the effect on children are 01:56 often devastating. 01:58 It is said that 75% of the individuals who had a divorce, 02:05 they were at one time happy in their marriage. 02:11 As a matter of fact, for the first five years of their 02:15 marriage they were happy. 02:17 Then after, the divorce comes. 02:19 Now the other fact that is stunning is that 30 to 40% of 02:25 individuals who end up in a divorce are diagnosed with 02:32 some psychological or emotional problems. 02:35 You know this is 3 to 4 times higher than the normal 02:40 population of children who did not experience a divorce. 02:45 So you can understand the traumatizing and devastating 02:50 effect that divorce has on children. 02:52 In fact it is said that is one of the worst experiences 02:57 a child can have. 02:59 And the worst thing about it is that there are many 03:03 parents who have this delusion that divorce does 03:06 not affect children. 03:08 The anger, the lust, the abandonment that one experiences 03:13 when you go through divorce complicates the experience. 03:19 We have with us here Janet, and Janet is our guest. 03:25 Would you help me welcome Janet. 03:32 Janet you were married at a young age, how old were you? 03:39 I was 19 years old. 03:41 19 and the person was? 03:43 He was 18 years old. 03:45 Okay, so you were both very, very young. 03:48 Very young. 03:49 June: it is consistent with the statistics because it does 03:54 say that younger marriages are a higher risk for a divorce. 03:59 How long did your marriage last? 04:02 Seven years, our marriage was seven years. 04:06 Was it a happy marriage, tell us a little bit about it. 04:10 It was a wonderful marriage, we were very much in love. 04:16 We were young and you would think the whole world is a 04:20 wonderful place and we were high school sweethearts. 04:24 Right after high school we went to different schools, different 04:30 colleges and really felt we couldn't live without each 04:34 other, so we got married. 04:35 We wanted to be together and we were very much in love. 04:40 Okay, what was the goals, your dreams and aspirations 04:45 you had in the early marriage? 04:47 Well it was to last a lifetime, I truly believe a 04:52 marriage is for life. 04:55 My parents have been married for over 37 years, so I had 05:00 a wonderful example of my parents. 05:02 I really hoped and dreamed that would be the same with 05:08 my first marriage. 05:10 We bought our first home together, and had two beautiful 05:14 children, our dreams were to raise these children and 05:19 watch them become well-rounded adults. 05:22 So, Janet, obviously something went wrong. What happened? 05:28 Well as the years went by we started realizing, 05:33 unfortunately, how incompatible we were. 05:36 How different we were actually were. 05:38 They say you don't get to know somebody until your 05:41 married to them and live with them on a day-to-day basis. 05:44 Janet, before you go any further, Dr. Smith, you heard 05:47 what Janet just said. 05:51 You don't get to know somebody until you start living with them 05:53 on day to day basis. 05:55 It almost sounds like a myth because people generally, 06:01 especially young people, that once we know everything 06:06 about each other we are soul mates. 06:09 Talk to us about that. 06:11 That's exactly what they think at the time they find 06:13 themselves attracted to each other. 06:16 They think that they know everything about each other. 06:20 But as you get into a relationship, you learn so much 06:23 more about the other. 06:25 We say to young people, try to do your research as much 06:29 as possible before. 06:31 Even with all that research you are still going to learn 06:35 so much more about the individual. 06:37 So that is very consistent with what is anticipated. 06:42 So you realize that there disport between dating 06:49 and all of that. 06:51 We need to start living together, sharing 06:53 the same space. 06:55 Yes it was two different worlds. 06:57 It's amazing the things you discover. 06:59 The flaws that you overlook when you're dating because of 07:04 the love that you refuse to see the red flags and all of 07:08 the different personality. 07:11 Things that you think would be such a big deal because 07:15 you are so in love with each other that 07:17 you could overlook it. 07:18 Once you're married it's there every single day. 07:21 What would you say to a young person who says, 07:25 he has no faults. 07:27 Absolutely, I would tell them, well I have a young 07:32 daughter, but I would tell them that the best way to 07:37 actually get to know somebody, I truly believe, 07:41 is watching them interact with their families. 07:44 See how they refer to their parents. 07:46 You can look at their background by looking if themselves, 07:53 they come from a broken home. 07:55 I'm not saying that there is anything wrong, 07:58 that they are the worst people or anything if they 08:00 come from a broken home. 08:01 It's helpful to know. 08:02 It's helpful to know because of the mentality, 08:05 the mentality that they go into a marriage. 08:08 As Janet has revealed to us there is a big difference 08:11 between when you are dating and when you are married. 08:15 You have to be careful about that. 08:17 So we are going to take a break and we will be right 08:21 back, we will be right back. 08:23 We want you to hear more of Janet's story we have so many 08:27 other things to share with you. |
Revised 2014-12-17