Participants: C.A. Murray (Host), Lemuel Vega (Host), Ruben Dorsey, Patricia Merilan, Erica Soule
Series Code: FIN
Program Code: FIN000023
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00:01 I am told that that wall behind me the Pendleton wall
00:04 extends 30 feet above the ground 00:06 and another 30 feet below the ground. 00:09 It's so high you can't get over it. 00:11 It's so low you can't get under it the song says. 00:13 You got to come in at the door. 00:15 That song talks about the love of the Jesus. 00:17 God commences love towards us 00:19 in that while we're yet sinners Christ died for us. 00:23 He gave His life for us falling in love with Jesus 00:27 is the best thing you can ever do. 00:29 Falling in love with Jesus 00:31 gives you a brand new start on life. 00:33 Falling in love with Jesus freeze you 00:36 from the trinity of shame, the trinity of sin. 00:39 Even in prison you can fall in love with Jesus 00:42 and be free in Him. 00:57 I am "Free Indeed." 01:01 Our gracious Heavenly Father, 01:02 we thank You Lord, for this day 01:04 and we shall rejoice and be glad. 01:06 And as we come together, Lord, 01:07 we pray to no funny shape, form, or fashion come into the midst. 01:10 We're here for one purpose and one purpose only 01:12 and that is to magnify and glorify Your holy name. 01:16 As we come together, Lord, we pray that 01:18 You would come into the midst and that You'll will show up 01:20 and show out in a mighty way Lord, 01:22 that we would come in one way and leave a whole lot better. 01:25 In Jesus name we pray, amen. 01:28 Praise the Lord this morning. 01:33 Falling in love with Jesus 01:41 Falling in love with Jesus 01:50 Falling in love with Jesus 01:57 Is the best thing I've ever, ever done 02:03 Help me sing that 02:07 Falling in love with Jesus 02:13 Oh how sweet it is everyday 02:16 Falling in love with Jesus 02:21 Every single day 02:23 Falling in love with Jesus 02:30 Is the best thing I've ever, ever done 02:35 Let's sing that one more time 02:37 Falling in love with Jesus 02:48 Falling in love with Jesus 02:53 Falling in love with Jesus 03:01 Is the best thing I've ever, ever done 03:11 In His arms, I am protected 03:20 In His arms, I never disconnected 03:28 In His arms, I am protected 03:35 There's no place I'd rather, rather be 03:40 Oh Lord In His arms 03:47 I am protected In His arms, 03:55 I am never disconnected In His arms, 04:03 I am protected 04:06 There's no place I'd rather, rather be 04:13 In His arms, 04:19 I am protected In His arms, 04:27 I am never disconnected In His arms, 04:35 I am protected In His arms, 04:41 I'd rather, rather be 04:44 Falling in love 04:48 Falling in love with Jesus 04:52 Oh how sweet it is everyday 04:56 Falling in love with Jesus 05:03 Falling in love with Jesus 05:09 Is the best thing 05:10 Is the best thing I've ever, ever done 05:16 Is the best thing 05:18 Is the best thing I've ever, ever done 05:23 Is the best thing 05:26 Is the best thing I've ever, ever done 05:32 Oh, no, Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, 05:36 Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, 05:39 Give us some brain. 05:42 Amem, amen, amen. 05:43 I have never met or known my father. 05:45 You know, but-- 05:47 I was basically raised by my grandmother and a neighbor. 05:52 I grew older, kind of move away from it, 05:55 you know, gang in the streets, you know. 05:58 If you like the streets like ah, 06:00 this is some that I want to do or some, 06:02 you know, I feel like I got to do being that 06:04 I only made it out. 06:06 So I just got to go out there 06:08 and do what the other guys are doing. 06:11 You know, many--basically deal with teenagers do out there, 06:15 you know, fight, you know, smoke weed-- 06:19 never really got into all drugs but, 06:24 you know, I was 06:26 do what the crowd do so to speak, you know. 06:29 Go home. 06:35 He was an individual that really didn't want to beat up with 06:42 or want to do depending on who ruined his day. 06:46 That's what it bought down, ruin his day. 06:49 Some days might just be happy going let loose. 06:55 We're birds of this soul, one day you know, 06:58 the little bird of the soul 06:59 might turn to the devil of another soul. 07:02 But I have learned now that it was happening. 07:05 Because whatever I do, not only impacts me 07:09 it impacts a lot of other situations and people. 07:14 So if I just stay, you know, grounded 07:18 and keep my head in the right direction 07:21 I don't have to worry about hurting no body. 07:23 We're now have a strong father frequent in house 07:26 impact me the situation where I felt it was madly 07:30 to go out there and acquire manly knowledge. 07:35 You know, and some of the figures 07:38 that I choose to follow right were all of the best. 07:42 If I have accepted Christ whole heartedly 07:45 and followed Him whole heartedly 07:47 there's no way I'm getting in this situation. 07:50 You know, they made it so bad, I knew well, 07:54 as in confidence in me, knew what it was right 07:58 and decided to take that easy route. 08:04 Easy route ain't so easy. 08:06 It got consequences too with it. 08:08 Open your heart, 08:10 the greatest thing you would do in your life is open your heart 08:15 and let God into it. 08:18 And let that flower grow, let that grow into something. 08:23 And you got to pour out and be part of your life 08:28 and you'll be part of every body else's life in a good aspect, 08:32 because money, 08:34 you would have all the money in the world and not be happy. 08:37 You know, you would buy a lot of things with money. 08:40 You can't buy God with money. You can't buy love. 08:43 They say money can buy you love but it really can't. 08:46 It's just... 08:48 put a candy note on top of it. 08:50 Because when an individual love you for your money 08:52 and the individual don't love you for you. 08:55 Then they had money 08:57 I said, well, look at I have rather four people to love, 09:00 whooping for whooping. 09:02 Not 'cause I got a lot of money, 09:04 not 'cause I could make pains happy 09:07 because I can't make them happy without God in my life. 09:10 And if that means 09:11 that you'll love me for the materialistic things 09:15 I don't need you, no. 09:18 Friends they are there, they are gone, 09:22 God there always. 09:32 I joined a gang because at the age of seven years old 09:35 I was sexually molested by a family member. 09:38 And I learn that you couldn't trust anyone 09:40 and like, you know, I was on my own. 09:42 So at the age of 13, 09:44 I was out of my own living on the streets. 09:46 I went away from home numerous times. 09:48 My father was the-- heavy haul truck driver. 09:50 So I didn't get the love and attention that I needed. 09:53 The streets became my family that's all I knew 09:55 I love the streets and they loved me. 09:57 So one turns to outside the home 10:01 when they don't fell love, they don't feel comfortable, 10:03 they feel neglected, 10:05 they feel like they don't matter. 10:07 What we fail to realize as children at that time 10:11 is that our parent are doing every thing that they can 10:14 in order to give us a better life. 10:16 But we don't realize what that is at that time. 10:18 We just know they're not there. 10:19 So in turn we want what we want 10:23 when we want it for selfish reasons 10:25 because we're choosing and that's all we know. 10:28 So when I joined the gang it was-- 10:32 I thought the grass was greener on the other side 10:35 only to find out that it wasn't. 10:37 And all things that I grew up believing in 10:40 was that loyalty, respect, love 10:44 that came from the gang was all false 10:47 and imaginable to me and I didn't know that. 10:50 But after 27 years today I do. 10:53 I would encourage any one today before they turn to the streets 10:58 to take a look at what the streets have to offer 11:00 and it's not what we're looking for. 11:02 I've watched many of my friends die. 11:05 I've watched many of my friends get shot 11:07 and killed in front of me. 11:08 I have been stabbed. 11:10 I have lost a child in the process. 11:14 And I completely lost my whole family 11:16 and here it is 20 years later 11:17 that my family is again put back together 11:19 and for a long time I thought my family left me 11:23 until I realize that they didn't leave me 11:25 and then they were stop loving me I left them. 11:28 And from a parents point of view right now 11:30 when I went to the streets it was-- 11:34 I believe that it was easier for my parents 11:36 to act like I wasn't there and that I was out on my own 11:40 rather for them to believe every single day for their life. 11:45 Am I gonna get a phone call that my child is dead. 11:48 Am I gonna get a phone call that, 11:51 I don't know where she is and what she's doing. 11:56 So today, I want to go back out on to the streets 12:00 and show those children that there's a better way of life. 12:02 And if I can give one of them what I have 12:06 there's hope for tomorrow. 12:08 Before I came into the GRIP program 12:09 and before I got, them came to prison 12:11 actually I have been to person before, 12:13 I went to prison in my 1998 12:15 and that was organized for the charge in Florida. 12:18 And I grew up in New York City, 12:21 so as you can see the pattern never change 12:23 I went from place to place and city to city 12:25 doing what I thought was best for my life 12:27 on the spree at the moment 12:29 never thinking about what tomorrow maybe. 12:32 So my prospective on life was that 12:34 I was doing every thing right for all the right reasons 12:36 because it was for self pleasure. 12:39 I didn't care who I hurt because I hurt other people. 12:43 I hurt so why not hurt them. 12:48 I fought my way through life a lot times 12:52 and before I came here it was pretty much 12:59 I love the streets and the streets loved me. 13:02 That was my home, It was the fast life, 13:04 it was the action, it was glamorous, 13:06 it was-- I had everything I needed. 13:08 I had money, I had cars, I had history with my friends. 13:14 But that's the highlights 13:15 now let me tell you the lowlight of it. 13:17 I've lived in street in New York City 13:19 underneath the bridges as you think that 13:21 it just what you see in the movies living on barrels 13:24 and in underneath trying to stay warm. 13:26 That is real life. 13:27 I remember tearing up books and try to stay warm 13:30 and boxes can only keep you from the rain 13:33 so much you're still gonna get wet. 13:35 Your clothes are wet you're muggy, you stink 13:37 and you have to sleep with one eye open 13:40 because you don't know whose is gonna come 13:43 if you gonna wake tomorrow morning. 13:45 That is not a way of life for anyone to live 13:48 but it was my way of life and I don't even know how I did it. 13:53 I don't know how I am here today. 13:56 I know that through finding 14:00 it wasn't until I went to lock in Rockville actually 14:04 where I've spend 17 days a lock 14:05 for putting my hands on a young lady 14:08 for saying something to me about slamming a locker. 14:13 Slamming a locker and I got so mad and hit 14:15 and put my hands on that young lady. 14:17 I spent 17 days in a lock. 14:20 And in that 17 days that I spent in lock I had nowhere to turn. 14:24 I was lonely and the funniest part about it 14:28 was that we were allowed to have our radios 14:30 and our Bibles that's was it. 14:31 Everybody else on the other side of the hall 14:34 got radio stations that were hip-hop 14:37 and solo and jazz and rock. 14:40 The only radio station 14:41 that will come in on mine was Christian music. 14:43 Had no other way to turn. 14:57 So as I began to pray because I had nothing else to do 15:01 as I am listening to this music I open my Bible 15:03 and I got the understanding 15:07 red was which I was totally against 15:10 because of the gang life. 15:12 And you wouldn't believed this but I am gonna tell you 15:15 what God told me and its chokes me up. 15:18 We had to put on red suits to go out of our cell at any anytime. 15:22 But I refused to put it on because it was red. 15:26 But I wanted to take a shower 15:27 I wasn't coming out of that shower, 15:29 out of that room to take a shower 15:31 unless I put that red jumpsuit on. 15:33 So when I was praying about it I said, I am not doing it. 15:39 And I heard clear as day that it it was my blood. 15:44 The color of my blood washed away your sins 15:47 and that was at that point as I put that red on 15:49 to go take that shower that I heard those words 15:53 that I was washed in the blood of the lamb. 15:57 And it chokes me up today because as I sat in that cell 16:01 for those 17 days I was 36 years old. 16:05 It was two yeas ago and I wrote down 16:08 every single thing that ever happened in my life 16:10 and it was the first time that my father ever knew 16:13 anything that happened to me. 16:15 36 years I held that and never told him. 16:17 It was time for me to tell him 16:19 the resentments I had and why I held in. 16:22 How much I hurt and when I let it all out 16:26 it was when I began to heal. 16:30 The amazing part of that whole story is 16:32 I came out of lock with no CAB. 16:39 How I was pardoned I don't know. 16:41 How any things happened I couldn't tell you 16:45 but I know it was at that point that my life is gonna change. 16:50 I sent that letter out in July of 2010, 16:55 and I didn't receive a response from my father 16:57 until March of 2011 and it was short little verse that said, 17:03 "I never meant to hurt you, I always wanted to protect you. 17:06 You're always my little girl and I love you. 17:09 If I could have changed I would have." 17:12 So you see a held resentment and hurt against him 17:15 for things that you never knew. 17:17 But that was my own insecurities 17:19 and if I would have told him maybe my life wouldn't have been 17:22 in the streets of New York City or the gangs and the lifestyles. 17:28 I looked for the love in the wrong places 17:30 when it was there all along. 17:32 Today my parents now raise my 17 years old child 17:36 and I resented her for a long time 17:38 because I felt they loved her more than they loved me. 17:42 They didn't take her for me, not at all 17:46 but I didn't see that, I fought them every step of the way. 17:49 What they did was give her the life that I never could 17:52 and they saved her from the system 17:53 of what I would have never known where she was at 17:57 So my prospective on life before 18:00 was that I had a good life but it was really twisted. 18:07 Because today I have a good life sitting behind bars 18:10 in a prison is the best life that I could had for 36 years. 18:21 Had I only know, what love and Christ is all about. 18:28 The colors of the gang from where I grew up, 18:31 you know, I didn't agree with red. 18:35 You would never catch me in red and-- 18:38 well today still you know, it's hard for me 18:40 because even though I have Christ 18:42 I look at red and it's a trigger for me. 18:44 I don't want to see it I don't want to deal with it. 18:46 It replays in mind the blood of Christ. 18:50 But red still a significant to me. 18:52 It was the enemy and I didn't agree with it at all. 18:57 I would so much say the same thing with purple and gold 19:02 we just didn't agree with them. 19:04 They were colors that weren't for us. 19:07 At that point that I was sitting in that jail cell 19:12 and I though about all the life that I had wasted, 19:17 my children who didn't know who I was, 19:20 my family who carried the same pain that I did for many years 19:26 of loosing a child. 19:28 You see, I have spoke about loosing my oldest child 19:32 that was 21 years ago. 19:34 I never realized that when I lost my child 19:36 my parents also lost their's. 19:40 I didn't take that into consideration. 19:43 I didn't take any consideration 19:44 that my brothers lost their sister, 19:46 that my grandparents lost a grandchild, 19:48 that cousins lost their significant part of their family 19:52 I removed myself from the world 19:54 of love and joy and happiness 19:59 and took myself into a world of chaos. 20:01 The darkness of drugs, sex, partying 20:06 and I have seen things that I never wanted to see before. 20:10 The killings, the drive-byshootings, 20:13 the stealing, the rapes. 20:16 That is something that I never want to deal with again 20:19 and if I can give back to one person 20:24 the love that Christ has given me 20:26 and told me, you see, 20:30 Satan knows I should have been dead 20:33 but it's only by the grace of God 20:34 that I am still here today to tell my story. 20:37 To give someone what I didn't have in those streets. 20:41 If I can encourage someone and let them know 20:44 that there is love and hope out there 20:46 versus the drugs, versus of the beatings, 20:52 the rapes, living under the bridge, 20:56 that is not a lifestyle for any child 20:58 let alone an adult to live. 21:03 But God has brought to me 21:04 to a place in my life of self-acceptance 21:08 and He has taught me that there's no greater love 21:11 than to lay down your life for your brother or sister. 21:15 Not to lay down your life because someone hurt you, 21:18 not to lay down your life or take someone else life 21:23 because they looked at you the wrong way. 21:26 They said something to you that offended you. 21:29 No one knows what they're going through 21:31 because no one knew what I was going through. 21:33 But if I never take the time to ask 21:36 and I am not doing God's will in my life. 21:40 God has brought my life to a point 21:42 of wanting to give to other people 21:47 the same love that He provided for me. 21:50 There is hope, there is a future. 21:54 His word says, but for yet 21:56 I had to abandon you for a little while 21:58 but with great compassion I to have to give back. 22:01 So when I left Him He had to abandon me 22:04 to show me that He loved me. 22:07 Sao that when He did take me back 22:09 He took me back with the compassion 22:11 and filled me with the love of Christ 22:13 that I may fill other people. 22:17 I can go on forever with what I think about the Lord. 22:21 What I think about the Lord is something awesome, 22:26 something pack greater then me, 22:28 something that's unexplainable 22:30 because I think about the blessing in abundance. 22:35 I think about all the things that I did have. 22:38 Going from what was the house, the home, 22:42 the cars, the children, the family 22:45 to how I gave all that up for merely nothing 22:49 in the lifestyle that I choose to live. 22:52 None of that meant anything 22:54 compare to how I think about the Lord 22:56 and how He restored my family onto me. 23:00 You know, when I decided to turn my care and my love 23:03 over to the God of my understandings 23:05 who is Jesus Christ and the Heavenly Father 23:08 I give Him my life to do as He would do with it 23:11 to who I had to question where it goes from here. 23:15 Who am I to judge the next person? 23:19 Who am I to look at someone and say their attitude is wrong. 23:23 So when I think about the Lord and all He's done for me 23:27 I think about the heavens and earths 23:29 and just how they split wide open 23:31 to continue pour their blessings down. 23:34 I am nothing but a vessel 23:37 and if I don't allow it to flow through me 23:39 then I stop someone else from receiving what I have. 23:43 Hi, Erica. 23:45 Now I am told you spent a little time in jail yourself. 23:48 Yes, I did. 23:51 Tell me about your involvement with Christmas Behind Bars 23:55 and what it means to you and what it does for you. 24:00 Because of my past I felt a calling from the Lord 24:03 to come and share my past with you guys because its-- 24:08 I don't, I was lonely just like some of you may feel. 24:12 I am not alone anymore, 24:13 I have Christ that comes with me everywhere I go 24:15 and I want you to know that 24:17 everywhere you go you just not alone ever. 24:19 So I came in Christmas at Christmas time 24:23 and I came up for one of the programs 24:25 and then I actually spent more of time 24:27 I don't know if any of you all remember me 24:28 but I spent most of time downstairs 24:30 speaking one on one with several of you. 24:32 And, man, that touched my life. 24:35 So I just felt like its really important 24:36 because not only I mean we're coming 24:38 to try to talk to you guys about the Jesus 24:41 and how He can save you and stuff. 24:42 Man, you all really a rich blessings to me 24:45 when I went home so that's I need the spiritually, 24:49 you know, just as much as you guys do. 24:52 We design this program not to be a program 24:54 so much about how we can preach to you 24:56 the preaching segment are free 24:57 indeed a very little us talking to you. 24:59 It's more about you talking to us. 25:03 Tell us about this thing that God does for us 25:07 that when you minister to someone else. 25:09 You yourself are minister too perhaps even in a greater way 25:12 than what you're giving you're receiving. 25:15 I know that when I left here I went home 25:17 and I was so on a spiritual high 25:19 as you guys will leave here tonight 25:21 and be set on a spiritual high. 25:23 But even when I get on my knees and I pray for you guys 25:26 I am still on that spiritual high 25:29 and it just carries with me 25:31 as long as I'm speaking to my Lord 25:33 it just makes it all that much stronger with me. 25:36 Praise God. There is a wonderful text. 25:39 People always ask me do you have a favorite text, 25:41 a favorite-- I don't have a favorite text. 25:43 I don't have favorite food, 25:44 I don't have a favorite anything. 25:45 Kind of aggravates my wife because she says, 25:46 what do you want for dinner? 25:48 Cook it, I'll eat it. 25:49 You know, I am very easy to please. 25:51 What I have is a text that does it for me 25:53 at that particular time in my life. 25:56 When I was dosen't-- 25:58 told that I have prostate cancer couple of years ago 26:00 God gave me a text that saw me through that. 26:03 But the text that comes in mind now 26:04 is one of the very first text that I learned. 26:07 Joshua 1:9, the Lord says, "Have not I commanded thee? 26:10 Be strong and of a good courage, be not afraid, 26:13 neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord 26:15 thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." 26:19 That's one of those kind of texts that you can just stand on 26:21 because it lets you know you're never 26:23 ever, ever, ever, ever alone 26:25 even when you fell alone you're not alone 26:28 because Jesus is right by your side. 26:30 Thank you so very much, Erica and God bless you. 26:32 Thank you. 26:42 We are going into a lock-up facility inside a prison. 26:45 These guys cannot exit their cell 26:47 without being handcuffed or shock hold 26:49 and they can't move throughout the prison without an escort. 26:52 So it's a real blessing coming here. 26:59 We are in I unit at the Indiana State Prison at Michigan City. 27:05 Behind me is death row and these 12 individuals 27:09 that are on the death row 27:10 have been visited by some of our volunteers 27:12 that are working with Christian Behind Bars. 27:14 These 12 men are literally waiting for the state 27:18 to tell them when they are gonna die. 27:20 Now may of them have filed appeals 27:22 and these appeals can take weeks, 27:23 they can take months, they can take years. 27:25 Some appeals have been going on for decades. 27:28 These appeals can extend their life. 27:32 It can lengthen the amount of time that they have to live 27:35 but sooner or later their faith is going to be sealed. 27:39 They will have to face death. 27:41 And that's what Christmas Behind Bars, 27:43 Free Indeed try's to let even men on death role know 27:46 that theirs is life after death 27:49 indeed there's life after life, 27:52 that there's eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. 27:55 We never imagine the blessing or the beauty 27:59 that the God would bring out of this endeavor 28:01 working together for the kingdom of God. 28:04 Bringing hope to our brother and sisters behind bars 28:07 and now our brothers and sisters behind bars 28:09 are actually bringing hope and encouragement 28:12 to our viewers around the world. 28:14 God blessed you and we look forward to you 28:17 partnering with us, christmasbehindbars.org. 28:22 Blessings to you until we meet again. |
Revised 2014-12-17