Participants: Karen Thomas (Host), Moletta Robinson
Series Code: IAADD
Program Code: IAADD000002A
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00:28 Welcome to Issues and Answers. Did you know that in the most 00:32 recent census bureau statistics 2.4 million of the nation's 00:35 families are maintained by grandparents who have one or 00:38 more of their grandchildren living with them, an increase of 00:42 400 thousand, just about 19 percent since 1990. These 00:46 families comprise 7 percent of all families with children under 00:50 18. Across the United States almost 7.8 million children are 00:54 living in homes where grandparents or other relatives 00:57 are their household providers with more that 5.8 million 01:01 children living in grandparents homes and nearly 2 million 01:05 children living in other relatives' homes. These families are often now called 01:09 now grand families. Now here to talk about this very topic of 01:13 grandfamilies is Moletta Robinson who knows firsthand. 01:17 Welcome to the program. So glad you could come Sister Robinson. 01:20 So glad to be here. 01:21 So tell us about the whole grand families concept. Did you expect 01:27 that you would have your grandkids at this stage in your 01:30 life? Never. That was not my plan. My 01:33 plan was to raise my children and have them [grandchildren] 01:36 over to play with them and have fun with them and goodbye, send 01:39 you on your way back home. But that was not the case. 01:43 So now you grew up where? You grew up in Washington, D.C.? 01:47 I grew up in Washington, D.C. I loved Washington, D.C., it's 01:51 a wonderful town and I moved here to Memphis about 26 years 01:55 ago. Okay and where do you work now? 01:57 I work at FedEx. 01:59 Okay. That makes Memphis hub, right? FedEx. So your life is 02:03 pretty busy. It is very busy. It was very 02:07 busy before I got the children and it's busier now that I have 02:11 them. Okay so now tell us the story 02:14 about how this all came to be. First of all how many children 02:21 do you have? I have two children and I'm the 02:26 biological grandmother of six children. But of all the 02:31 children I'm a grandparent of 12 children. 02:35 Oh my, wow! Because it's a blended family. 02:39 All these children, my children then the parent, mothers have 02:43 children so all of these children. 02:45 You have 12 grandchildren and do you keep up with all 12? 02:49 I do, I keep up with all 12 of my grandchildren. I show no 02:54 difference in my children, my biological grandchildren nor my 02:57 other children. They're all my grandchildren. I love them all. 03:01 Okay. So like you said you were expecting to be at the point 03:04 where you would love all these wonderful grandchildren then 03:07 send them home to their parents. But now what happened? How many 03:13 of your grandchildren are with you? 03:14 I have the two youngest children with me now. 03:18 How old were they when this happened? 03:20 Well the first time they were young; they were two and four. 03:25 The first time I had them I had them for six months and that was 03:29 because their mother was in the hospital, she was hospitalized. 03:33 That was the reason I had them then. Then when she got out she 03:37 got her children back. 03:39 Now are these your daughter's children or are these your son's 03:44 children? These are my son's children. 03:45 Okay but the mother wasn't able to take care of them and the son 03:48 wasn't able to take care of them So what would have been the 03:51 choice if you didn't take care of them? What would have 03:53 happened to them? They would have been in foster 03:55 care, they would have been in foster care. 03:57 So when they came how was it? Were they happy, were they 04:01 regular kids? What kinds of things did you have to do to 04:05 take care of them, working still? 04:08 Well the first thing I had to do was find day care for the little 04:12 one, the two year old. I had to find day care and the other one 04:18 was in school but the school was like about 10 miles from where I 04:23 lived. Because that's where the mother lived so she had the 04:27 children in the school near her home and I kept the child there 04:31 in that school. So every morning my day started at 6 o'clock in 04:36 the morning taking the little one to the baby sitter and then 04:41 taking her to school and picking them up from school and the day 04:46 care. So I had an active life at that time but it was like 04:50 temporarily so I was not like getting all... But this time it 04:55 was different. So what happened? So they went 04:57 back to the mother. Yes. And how long did they stay there before 05:01 they...? They stayed with their mother 05:04 till the older one was nine years old, she was nine years 05:06 old. So they were like five, six, 05:09 seven years with their mother? 05:12 Yeah, they were with their mother. 05:13 You thought life was going to be good and you were back to 05:16 your normal life. Normal life, that's right. 05:19 Then what happened? Until the mother came one day 05:22 and she said I can't take care of these children anymore. 05:24 I said, what do you mean you can't take care of them? 05:27 She says I cannot take care of them, I just can't do it. And so 05:30 because I knew the mother had her issues, I said well fine 05:36 then they'll have to come here and stay with me. And they did. 05:42 They came, both of them. This was last summer when I said oh 05:47 I have to find some place for these children to go because 05:51 school was out so what am I going to do with these children? 05:55 This was last summer, this is recent, okay, when you just got 05:58 these kids in other words. Okay, go ahead. 06:02 So last summer at the 7th-day Adventist School they had a 06:07 summer program so I knew I wanted to put them in there, the 06:12 summer program because I wanted them to be around other children 06:16 and be around people that had very positive attitudes and I 06:20 knew this was the place for them. I went to the school and I 06:25 asked them and they said well that's going to be $200 a week. 06:31 I said $200 a week! I said well God is able and he wants these 06:36 children at this school and that's where I put them for the 06:40 summer and they had a ball. They loved it. Grandma can we come 06:44 come back, can we come back to school; we want to go to school 06:49 here. I said well God's able and I was blessed because these 06:53 children had been, they had been with children that had had a lot 06:58 of stress in their lives which I didn't know about. At the time 07:02 I did not know about a lot of the things that they had gone 07:06 through because just like a grandparent you only see your 07:10 children about once or twice a month at that time, and so I 07:15 really didn't know the type of condition they were living under 07:21 You don't mind sharing. When the kids came and mom said that's it 07:27 I can't do any more what state were they in, emotionally, 07:31 socially, where were they? 07:33 They were very kind of withdrawn but they also were very behind 07:40 in their school work. I found that out. I mean, my little 07:44 granddaughter who was 10 I said let me read to you. We were 07:48 reading in the evening. I said read this story. She says 07:52 Grandmother, I can't read. I said, you can't read! I says 07:56 sure you can read. She says I can't read. And I gave her a 08:00 book and she really couldn't. She knew no phonics. In fact 08:06 my daughter had her tested and she tested at the kindergarten 08:11 level which she's in the third grade. And that was of very much 08:16 concern to me. I was very concerned about that. Then I 08:20 found out that her mother had given them drugs. She had given 08:27 them Benadryl to put them to sleep at night. So that was 08:32 kind of disturbing to me and one reason I thought maybe this 08:37 had helped her not to develop and learn how to read do other 08:43 skills that a 10-year-old child should be able to do. 08:47 So now you not only had grandchildren but then they were 08:52 both of them were special needs, they needed certain things to 08:56 help them. What about the son, the grandson? 09:03 Well he wasn't as bad as her because I think he hadn't been 09:07 given Benadryl as long and he was an active little boy so he 09:11 just rolled with the punches. Things did not bother him. 09:15 Things that he saw I guess he just let it go, whereas my 09:20 granddaughter it stayed with her. She remembered things. 09:26 So it was a little difficult for her. But they loved coming to 09:30 me. I said would you like to be with grandma. Oh grandma can 09:34 we stay, we want to stay here forever and ever. They were 09:38 really excited about living with me. I had to learn how to change 09:46 a room, take away things. You know there's a certain age you 09:49 have your house at a certain age not child-safe as I called it. 09:52 Right. So I had to take another room and take all the furniture 09:56 out and put kids furniture in and they helped paint the room 10:00 so they had a good time. I said this is your room now. They said 10:04 we have our own room. I said this is your room, we can paint 10:08 it any color you want to and they were so excited. They just 10:13 took paint and splashed it all over and had a great time. We 10:18 can do that? Yes you can do it because it's your room. So they 10:24 have really matured and as I say I put them in the Adventist 10:29 school and that has helped them a lot. But grandmother had to 10:35 learn a lot her own self. I had to learn that grandmother didn't 10:40 know how to do first grade math. I said what kind of math? 10:48 Two plus two is four and he said but we didn't do it like that 10:55 grandma. I said two plus two is four. They had the circles and 11:00 the squares and all these things and I had to go to the teacher 11:04 and have the teacher explain to me how to get two plus two is 11:09 four. From the new math, all these 11:11 methods and strategies. 11:13 And the computers and the I-pads and I-pods. 11:18 So you bought all those things? 11:19 I had to buy all of those things 11:21 Now why do think you had to buy all that? Tell me why you were 11:22 buying those. I mean this is kind of like over and beyond 11:24 regular even. It was to help them to learn 11:30 because of this is the world. There are computers and they 11:36 have to learn the computers at school, so they needed all these 11:40 things to help them grow and to help them develop and learn. 11:45 So it was a challenge when I went to the store and found out 11:51 $400. Whoa, $400! For one and I had to buy two. But it was truly 11:56 a blessing, it really was to do this. 11:59 Thank God that you had a house that you could fit the kids into 12:06 What about budget wise? You know how has that been working 12:09 financially to be able to take on two more kids? Do you get 12:13 help from the state with that? 12:15 No I don't. You don't? No I do not get anything from the state. 12:20 My philosophy is these are my grandchildren. I've raised my 12:25 own children. I have been a single parent, I've been a 12:29 married parent. So it didn't bother me. I did have to make 12:33 some adjustments because I said ah I'm almost 70 years old. I'm 12:37 ready to retire and everybody says you should have been 12:42 retired. But it has been a challenge but God has just been 12:47 blessing me so much and my church family has just helped me 12:52 so much. So it's truly been a blessing with these children. 12:56 Not only have they helped me, they've come over and done 13:01 things with the children. They say oh I'll pick the children up 13:05 and take them to the park. So it's been a blessing. 13:09 Wow. So not I hear sometimes that you talk about taking 13:14 vacations. Before you had grandkids you were able to 13:18 travel. How about since the kids have been there? Have you been 13:20 able to travel anywhere or go on a vacation? 13:23 Not like I did before. That has definitely... Because I would 13:28 up and get on the plane and fly to Washington, fly all over. 13:33 At that time I could but I can't now, but you have to plan your 13:38 day around school time, what time the school is out, for 13:44 vacation, the time that school is out for spring break. So it 13:49 has been an adjustment that you have to learn how to adjust your 13:53 time according to the children's schedule. 13:56 So what's a typical day like for you? 13:58 Getting up at 4 o'clock in the morning. 14:01 Really. Who gets up? You do? 14:03 I get up at 4 o'clock every morning. 14:05 What do you do at four in the morning? 14:06 Washing, cooking, cleaning, getting the children prepared. 14:10 I do everything I have to do in the morning. The children have 14:16 to be to school at 8 o'clock. I leave the house about 7:30 in 14:22 the morning to take them to school. Then I take them to 14:27 school and then I go to work. After that I pick them up from 14:33 school at 3:10 We go home. That's why I have dinner already 14:38 prepared. I have everything prepared because it is a challenge for the children 14:42 to get their homework in the evening because they were so 14:47 far behind. But the teachers at the school, they have been so 14:52 excellent working with me, showing me what to do, 14:54 teaching me things that might stimulate the children to learn. 15:00 So that has really been a very positive aspect for me. That has 15:06 really helped me with the children. 15:08 Well that's great, that's wonderful. Now tell me about 15:12 your support. What do you do to take care of yourself as a 15:16 grandparent? Do you have friends or...? 15:20 I have friends, but the best thing for me is when I get up 15:24 early in the morning to have time with God. That is the main 15:29 thing. He helps me. He gives me strength, because sometimes you 15:34 feel like I have so much to do. But he gives me strength so I 15:38 always take time the first thing in the morning to talk to God, 15:42 to read my Bible and to prepare and ask him for the strength I 15:48 need for that day. So that has really helped me like I said. 15:54 Also I depend on my church family. 15:58 How do they help. Tell me a little bit more about how your 16:00 church family helps. 16:01 My church family has helped me tremendously. Some have come up 16:05 to the school. I said this child is having problems in this area. 16:10 Because a couple of them had been school teachers. So they 16:14 said will I'll go to the school and see, and they have been up 16:18 there and helped and have stopped by the house. They 16:22 helped with the homework and all. So that has been a great 16:26 benefit to me. It's really been a blessing to me to have the 16:31 support of my church family. They reckon helping me has been 16:36 a great help to me. 16:37 What about your job. What kind of adjustments have you had to 16:40 make on your job? How's it been for you there? 16:43 Talk about money. I work but I couldn't work. I said I have to 16:50 I had to take off from work. I usually work until at least 16:55 about 4 o'clock. I said I can't work till 4 o'clock any more. 16:59 I told my manager. It's truly been a blessing that God just 17:04 opened up the way because I have to leave at 2:30 every day. 17:08 I have to leave at 2:30. 17:10 You're the person that picks the kids too from school. 17:12 Yes so I had to leave my job. I had to get off my job at 2:30 17:17 which used to be at four, to pick the children up from school 17:23 which has cut into my finances. That's right because I don't 17:29 have the time working as much as I had worked. But God still has 17:34 provided for me. I just grateful that he has truly. I don't know 17:39 where it comes from but every day, every month we... In fact 17:44 someone said you should go an get you some food stamps. You're 17:48 eligible. I said really. Since you have these children you 17:53 should get you some help. I said I do have help. God helps me 17:58 every day. Wow! So this is just truly a blessing that God 18:03 truly has helped me. He has given me. The kids wear uniforms 18:08 and people have given me uniforms for the children to 18:11 wear to school. So it's truly a blessing when you depend on God. 18:16 That's right, that's right. So tell me some special memories 18:20 now that the kids are with you what are some special things 18:24 that you guys have done, just you and the grandkids, just this 18:27 set of grandkids? And then how do you now manage with the rest 18:30 of your other 10 grandkids? 18:32 Yes, well this past summer I told the children how to 18:41 plant in the yard. They were eating a cantaloupe. Look at all 18:45 these seeds in this cantaloupe. What do you think we're going 18:49 to do with these seeds. Throw them away? I said no let's go 18:54 outside and throw in the garden and see if they grow. We dug up 18:58 the yard and they dug it up and they planted the watermelon seed 19:03 they planted watermelon seed just from the 19:05 watermelons we were eating. They planted cantaloupe and I got 19:09 some tomato plants and we planted upside down because I'd 19:13 never planted upside down tomatoes. So we put them in the 19:16 pot and we planted. They were so many. Every day they ran outside 19:21 to see. I said go outside and see the watermelons, go outside. 19:25 And when they came us they couldn't believe it. The said 19:27 there they are, look I see them I see them. They were so excited 19:31 So they started to growing? They started growing and every 19:36 day they ran out there. It's getting bigger, I see another 19:41 I see another one. And that was very exciting to them. They were 19:46 really excited. And I said well I think they're ready now. Let's 19:49 go out there and pick them. And we brought them in and washed 19:53 them and they just could not believe that this was something 19:57 they had done. They had planted the seeds and they had grown. 20:00 So they just can't wait till this summer. Well what else are 20:03 are we going to plant. We can plant some other things. But I 20:06 have to go and get the man to till the ground now. 20:09 You've got a whole big garden in the back yard. 20:11 They really enjoyed that. And to make things, you know. They make 20:16 things. They take things that are nothing. The lady next door 20:20 bought a refrigerator and it came in this big box. They said 20:24 can I have your box? And she says oh sure. And we got the box 20:28 and so we made a house out of the box and they painted it and 20:33 they. I just enjoy it. It makes me feel, they make me feel young 20:38 I like to sit down just to see them happy. The other 20:45 grandchildren, all my grandchildren except one 20:49 grandchild, another about 17 year old lives in Memphis. The 20:55 other children are scattered all over the place. But I do once a 20:59 year, I've been doing this ever since they were born, I take 21:02 them on a trip. What! All your grandkids!? 21:05 All my grandchildren. You take them all!? 21:07 All of them. Just me and my grandchildren. The parents stay 21:11 home. I have a whole week. I've been doing it ever since they 21:16 were born. I take them on a trip every year. We go somewhere. 21:22 Last year we've been to the eastern shore. You've been to 21:26 the eastern shore. I rented a cabin right there on the water 21:31 and we stayed the whole week. They had a ball. So that's what 21:35 I like doing. That's what I do with all my grandchildren. 21:40 So where are you guys going this year? 21:42 Well we're going to St. Louis. I rent this 12-passenger van. 21:48 I used to just get a van but now it's a 12 passenger. It might 21:55 be a 16-passenger. 21:56 Yeah because you have to drive and there's 12 of them. 21:58 No one comes with you!? No one. Seriously, just you? Just me. 22:03 And you're almost 70 and God gives you all this energy? 22:07 That's right. And I rent the van and this year I'll be going to 22:11 St. Louis, then we're going down the eastern coast. We wanted 22:15 North Carolina, South Carolina and we're just going to just 22:19 drive all around and take in some... Because during the year 22:22 the older ones look up and see what they'd like to see in these 22:27 different states. So we hit all these states and find out what 22:31 they wanted to see so we're going to have a journey this 22:34 time. We'll have two weeks this year. So we're going to have a 22:37 very, I think a very good time. 22:40 I think so too. They're older now. The little 22:43 ones are older so they can enjoy the traveling more and learning 22:49 more. So what's the age difference, 22:51 what's the ages of the oldest grandchild and the youngest? 22:54 My oldest grandchild will be 18, in fact he'll be 18. 22:59 So he can help drive. 23:00 He hasn't got his drivers license although he really wants 23:04 That's something he really wants and I said you know insurance is 23:07 is really high for a male. He says but I really want 23:12 to drive. So I don't know if his parents are thinking about 23:15 getting. His grades are great so they are thinking about it. 23:19 But yes, 18 to 8 years old. The youngest is 8. 23:25 Wow. And do they all get along? Yeah, how do the grandkids get 23:28 along and especially the ones that are with you now? How do 23:32 the other grandkids, how are they feeling about that? 23:35 They get along great. They get along great and they're happy 23:40 because I can talk to them and we talk on the phone and we tell 23:44 them well grandmother did that with me. That's nothing new, she 23:48 did that when I was eight. So they can relate to it and 23:54 they're not jealous or anything. Because I really love children. 23:59 I really love children. Children don't bother me. You know some 24:03 people say how can you have all these children, how can you have 24:07 these grandchildren. They'll drive you crazy. They're going 24:10 to ask millions of questions. I say, I love it, I really do. 24:15 That is awesome. So when you travel what do you do? How do 24:19 you afford to be able to feed everybody, you know how does 24:22 that work out? Well I do like my parents _. 24:26 Because my parents took us everywhere. They wanted us to 24:30 be exposed to different cultures and different places and all. So 24:34 I have a great big ice chest, two of them, ice chests and as 24:38 we travel we stop at the grocery store. We buy food and sometimes 24:42 along the way we barbecue. We put the food in, we get to the 24:46 park and we set up everything. They love it. And I say oh this 24:54 is what we're going to do. So cost wise once a day you get a 25:01 meal at a restaurant. That means we eat breakfast cereal, nuts 25:07 and grains. So once a day you eat at a 25:11 restaurant? Once a day. The whole group? The whole group. 25:14 After that you do sandwiches. You've got double coolers and 25:18 treats and everybody's having a good time. Singing, do you? 25:22 You know, traveling and talking? 25:24 And now that they got older. This one's got this I-pad, this 25:27 one has this and they look at movies and they just have a ball 25:31 but most of the time I do not let them look (at movies). I say 25:34 look at the scenery. This is where we're going. And they 25:38 enjoy it, they really do. 25:39 Wow, Sister Robinson! You are an amazing, amazing woman. 25:45 But I enjoy it. Because no day is the same and that's what I 25:49 like about it. You go to a job and do the same thing. But 25:53 raising children is never the same. And that's what I really 25:57 truly enjoy. I don't know when I wake up in the morning, I 26:01 don't know what that day's going to hold for me. Sometimes 26:05 it holds wonders and sometimes my grandson says Grandmother 26:09 I want to go to school. I say today is Sunday, no school 26:12 on Sunday. But I'm just glad that they're really enjoying 26:17 school and they're learning. And the environment; they're 26:21 really enjoying that. 26:23 What advice could you give to a grandparent or another relative 26:28 that's taking on children in their home? What could you share 26:32 with them as far as what they could expect or how to do it? 26:37 Well the first thing is just take one day at a time. Listen 26:42 to the child, find out what the child's needs are and try to 26:47 incorporate that into that day. Some children they feel bad. 26:51 Children are just like us, human being. They're just little 26:55 people. They have bad days, they have good days, they have days 27:00 they don't feel like doing, just like we. So to just give them 27:05 love. Whatever state they are in that they know that I am 27:09 loved, I'm appreciated, I am wanted. And I think that is the 27:14 main thing with raising children that they will feel safe and 27:19 they'll feel cared about and they want to feel that somebody 27:23 cares for them just like they are. They might be different. 27:28 Just like my grandkids were so far behind at school. She just 27:33 felt so bad that she could not read but to encourage them you 27:36 know and to love them and say I don't care if you can't read. 27:40 I love you just the way you are. And you will learn how to read. 27:45 So give them just encouragement. I think that's the main thing. 27:49 Thank you so much for coming and sharing your story today, Sister 27:53 Robinson. It has just been wonderful to hear all the 27:56 details about what's been involved in taking on grandkids. 27:59 And for those of you at home we thank you so much for watching 28:02 the program today. We hope that it's been a real blessing. 28:06 Clearly, you know, her life has been enriched as a result and 28:09 we know that yours will be the same. With God all things are 28:12 possible. Have a blessed day. |
Revised 2016-03-30