Issues and Answers (D2D)

Oh my! It's the Grandkids!

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Karen Thomas (Host), Moletta Robinson

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Series Code: IAADD

Program Code: IAADD000002A


00:01 ♪ ♪
00:28 Welcome to Issues and Answers. Did you know that in the most
00:32 recent census bureau statistics 2.4 million of the nation's
00:35 families are maintained by grandparents who have one or
00:38 more of their grandchildren living with them, an increase of
00:42 400 thousand, just about 19 percent since 1990. These
00:46 families comprise 7 percent of all families with children under
00:50 18. Across the United States almost 7.8 million children are
00:54 living in homes where grandparents or other relatives
00:57 are their household providers with more that 5.8 million
01:01 children living in grandparents homes and nearly 2 million
01:05 children living in other relatives' homes. These families are often now called
01:09 now grand families. Now here to talk about this very topic of
01:13 grandfamilies is Moletta Robinson who knows firsthand.
01:17 Welcome to the program. So glad you could come Sister Robinson.
01:20 So glad to be here.
01:21 So tell us about the whole grand families concept. Did you expect
01:27 that you would have your grandkids at this stage in your
01:30 life? Never. That was not my plan. My
01:33 plan was to raise my children and have them [grandchildren]
01:36 over to play with them and have fun with them and goodbye, send
01:39 you on your way back home. But that was not the case.
01:43 So now you grew up where? You grew up in Washington, D.C.?
01:47 I grew up in Washington, D.C. I loved Washington, D.C., it's
01:51 a wonderful town and I moved here to Memphis about 26 years
01:55 ago. Okay and where do you work now?
01:57 I work at FedEx.
01:59 Okay. That makes Memphis hub, right? FedEx. So your life is
02:03 pretty busy. It is very busy. It was very
02:07 busy before I got the children and it's busier now that I have
02:11 them. Okay so now tell us the story
02:14 about how this all came to be. First of all how many children
02:21 do you have? I have two children and I'm the
02:26 biological grandmother of six children. But of all the
02:31 children I'm a grandparent of 12 children.
02:35 Oh my, wow! Because it's a blended family.
02:39 All these children, my children then the parent, mothers have
02:43 children so all of these children.
02:45 You have 12 grandchildren and do you keep up with all 12?
02:49 I do, I keep up with all 12 of my grandchildren. I show no
02:54 difference in my children, my biological grandchildren nor my
02:57 other children. They're all my grandchildren. I love them all.
03:01 Okay. So like you said you were expecting to be at the point
03:04 where you would love all these wonderful grandchildren then
03:07 send them home to their parents. But now what happened? How many
03:13 of your grandchildren are with you?
03:14 I have the two youngest children with me now.
03:18 How old were they when this happened?
03:20 Well the first time they were young; they were two and four.
03:25 The first time I had them I had them for six months and that was
03:29 because their mother was in the hospital, she was hospitalized.
03:33 That was the reason I had them then. Then when she got out she
03:37 got her children back.
03:39 Now are these your daughter's children or are these your son's
03:44 children? These are my son's children.
03:45 Okay but the mother wasn't able to take care of them and the son
03:48 wasn't able to take care of them So what would have been the
03:51 choice if you didn't take care of them? What would have
03:53 happened to them? They would have been in foster
03:55 care, they would have been in foster care.
03:57 So when they came how was it? Were they happy, were they
04:01 regular kids? What kinds of things did you have to do to
04:05 take care of them, working still?
04:08 Well the first thing I had to do was find day care for the little
04:12 one, the two year old. I had to find day care and the other one
04:18 was in school but the school was like about 10 miles from where I
04:23 lived. Because that's where the mother lived so she had the
04:27 children in the school near her home and I kept the child there
04:31 in that school. So every morning my day started at 6 o'clock in
04:36 the morning taking the little one to the baby sitter and then
04:41 taking her to school and picking them up from school and the day
04:46 care. So I had an active life at that time but it was like
04:50 temporarily so I was not like getting all... But this time it
04:55 was different. So what happened? So they went
04:57 back to the mother. Yes. And how long did they stay there before
05:01 they...? They stayed with their mother
05:04 till the older one was nine years old, she was nine years
05:06 old. So they were like five, six,
05:09 seven years with their mother?
05:12 Yeah, they were with their mother.
05:13 You thought life was going to be good and you were back to
05:16 your normal life. Normal life, that's right.
05:19 Then what happened? Until the mother came one day
05:22 and she said I can't take care of these children anymore.
05:24 I said, what do you mean you can't take care of them?
05:27 She says I cannot take care of them, I just can't do it. And so
05:30 because I knew the mother had her issues, I said well fine
05:36 then they'll have to come here and stay with me. And they did.
05:42 They came, both of them. This was last summer when I said oh
05:47 I have to find some place for these children to go because
05:51 school was out so what am I going to do with these children?
05:55 This was last summer, this is recent, okay, when you just got
05:58 these kids in other words. Okay, go ahead.
06:02 So last summer at the 7th-day Adventist School they had a
06:07 summer program so I knew I wanted to put them in there, the
06:12 summer program because I wanted them to be around other children
06:16 and be around people that had very positive attitudes and I
06:20 knew this was the place for them. I went to the school and I
06:25 asked them and they said well that's going to be $200 a week.
06:31 I said $200 a week! I said well God is able and he wants these
06:36 children at this school and that's where I put them for the
06:40 summer and they had a ball. They loved it. Grandma can we come
06:44 come back, can we come back to school; we want to go to school
06:49 here. I said well God's able and I was blessed because these
06:53 children had been, they had been with children that had had a lot
06:58 of stress in their lives which I didn't know about. At the time
07:02 I did not know about a lot of the things that they had gone
07:06 through because just like a grandparent you only see your
07:10 children about once or twice a month at that time, and so I
07:15 really didn't know the type of condition they were living under
07:21 You don't mind sharing. When the kids came and mom said that's it
07:27 I can't do any more what state were they in, emotionally,
07:31 socially, where were they?
07:33 They were very kind of withdrawn but they also were very behind
07:40 in their school work. I found that out. I mean, my little
07:44 granddaughter who was 10 I said let me read to you. We were
07:48 reading in the evening. I said read this story. She says
07:52 Grandmother, I can't read. I said, you can't read! I says
07:56 sure you can read. She says I can't read. And I gave her a
08:00 book and she really couldn't. She knew no phonics. In fact
08:06 my daughter had her tested and she tested at the kindergarten
08:11 level which she's in the third grade. And that was of very much
08:16 concern to me. I was very concerned about that. Then I
08:20 found out that her mother had given them drugs. She had given
08:27 them Benadryl to put them to sleep at night. So that was
08:32 kind of disturbing to me and one reason I thought maybe this
08:37 had helped her not to develop and learn how to read do other
08:43 skills that a 10-year-old child should be able to do.
08:47 So now you not only had grandchildren but then they were
08:52 both of them were special needs, they needed certain things to
08:56 help them. What about the son, the grandson?
09:03 Well he wasn't as bad as her because I think he hadn't been
09:07 given Benadryl as long and he was an active little boy so he
09:11 just rolled with the punches. Things did not bother him.
09:15 Things that he saw I guess he just let it go, whereas my
09:20 granddaughter it stayed with her. She remembered things.
09:26 So it was a little difficult for her. But they loved coming to
09:30 me. I said would you like to be with grandma. Oh grandma can
09:34 we stay, we want to stay here forever and ever. They were
09:38 really excited about living with me. I had to learn how to change
09:46 a room, take away things. You know there's a certain age you
09:49 have your house at a certain age not child-safe as I called it.
09:52 Right. So I had to take another room and take all the furniture
09:56 out and put kids furniture in and they helped paint the room
10:00 so they had a good time. I said this is your room now. They said
10:04 we have our own room. I said this is your room, we can paint
10:08 it any color you want to and they were so excited. They just
10:13 took paint and splashed it all over and had a great time. We
10:18 can do that? Yes you can do it because it's your room. So they
10:24 have really matured and as I say I put them in the Adventist
10:29 school and that has helped them a lot. But grandmother had to
10:35 learn a lot her own self. I had to learn that grandmother didn't
10:40 know how to do first grade math. I said what kind of math?
10:48 Two plus two is four and he said but we didn't do it like that
10:55 grandma. I said two plus two is four. They had the circles and
11:00 the squares and all these things and I had to go to the teacher
11:04 and have the teacher explain to me how to get two plus two is
11:09 four. From the new math, all these
11:11 methods and strategies.
11:13 And the computers and the I-pads and I-pods.
11:18 So you bought all those things?
11:19 I had to buy all of those things
11:21 Now why do think you had to buy all that? Tell me why you were
11:22 buying those. I mean this is kind of like over and beyond
11:24 regular even. It was to help them to learn
11:30 because of this is the world. There are computers and they
11:36 have to learn the computers at school, so they needed all these
11:40 things to help them grow and to help them develop and learn.
11:45 So it was a challenge when I went to the store and found out
11:51 $400. Whoa, $400! For one and I had to buy two. But it was truly
11:56 a blessing, it really was to do this.
11:59 Thank God that you had a house that you could fit the kids into
12:06 What about budget wise? You know how has that been working
12:09 financially to be able to take on two more kids? Do you get
12:13 help from the state with that?
12:15 No I don't. You don't? No I do not get anything from the state.
12:20 My philosophy is these are my grandchildren. I've raised my
12:25 own children. I have been a single parent, I've been a
12:29 married parent. So it didn't bother me. I did have to make
12:33 some adjustments because I said ah I'm almost 70 years old. I'm
12:37 ready to retire and everybody says you should have been
12:42 retired. But it has been a challenge but God has just been
12:47 blessing me so much and my church family has just helped me
12:52 so much. So it's truly been a blessing with these children.
12:56 Not only have they helped me, they've come over and done
13:01 things with the children. They say oh I'll pick the children up
13:05 and take them to the park. So it's been a blessing.
13:09 Wow. So not I hear sometimes that you talk about taking
13:14 vacations. Before you had grandkids you were able to
13:18 travel. How about since the kids have been there? Have you been
13:20 able to travel anywhere or go on a vacation?
13:23 Not like I did before. That has definitely... Because I would
13:28 up and get on the plane and fly to Washington, fly all over.
13:33 At that time I could but I can't now, but you have to plan your
13:38 day around school time, what time the school is out, for
13:44 vacation, the time that school is out for spring break. So it
13:49 has been an adjustment that you have to learn how to adjust your
13:53 time according to the children's schedule.
13:56 So what's a typical day like for you?
13:58 Getting up at 4 o'clock in the morning.
14:01 Really. Who gets up? You do?
14:03 I get up at 4 o'clock every morning.
14:05 What do you do at four in the morning?
14:06 Washing, cooking, cleaning, getting the children prepared.
14:10 I do everything I have to do in the morning. The children have
14:16 to be to school at 8 o'clock. I leave the house about 7:30 in
14:22 the morning to take them to school. Then I take them to
14:27 school and then I go to work. After that I pick them up from
14:33 school at 3:10 We go home. That's why I have dinner already
14:38 prepared. I have everything prepared because it is a challenge for the children
14:42 to get their homework in the evening because they were so
14:47 far behind. But the teachers at the school, they have been so
14:52 excellent working with me, showing me what to do,
14:54 teaching me things that might stimulate the children to learn.
15:00 So that has really been a very positive aspect for me. That has
15:06 really helped me with the children.
15:08 Well that's great, that's wonderful. Now tell me about
15:12 your support. What do you do to take care of yourself as a
15:16 grandparent? Do you have friends or...?
15:20 I have friends, but the best thing for me is when I get up
15:24 early in the morning to have time with God. That is the main
15:29 thing. He helps me. He gives me strength, because sometimes you
15:34 feel like I have so much to do. But he gives me strength so I
15:38 always take time the first thing in the morning to talk to God,
15:42 to read my Bible and to prepare and ask him for the strength I
15:48 need for that day. So that has really helped me like I said.
15:54 Also I depend on my church family.
15:58 How do they help. Tell me a little bit more about how your
16:00 church family helps.
16:01 My church family has helped me tremendously. Some have come up
16:05 to the school. I said this child is having problems in this area.
16:10 Because a couple of them had been school teachers. So they
16:14 said will I'll go to the school and see, and they have been up
16:18 there and helped and have stopped by the house. They
16:22 helped with the homework and all. So that has been a great
16:26 benefit to me. It's really been a blessing to me to have the
16:31 support of my church family. They reckon helping me has been
16:36 a great help to me.
16:37 What about your job. What kind of adjustments have you had to
16:40 make on your job? How's it been for you there?
16:43 Talk about money. I work but I couldn't work. I said I have to
16:50 I had to take off from work. I usually work until at least
16:55 about 4 o'clock. I said I can't work till 4 o'clock any more.
16:59 I told my manager. It's truly been a blessing that God just
17:04 opened up the way because I have to leave at 2:30 every day.
17:08 I have to leave at 2:30.
17:10 You're the person that picks the kids too from school.
17:12 Yes so I had to leave my job. I had to get off my job at 2:30
17:17 which used to be at four, to pick the children up from school
17:23 which has cut into my finances. That's right because I don't
17:29 have the time working as much as I had worked. But God still has
17:34 provided for me. I just grateful that he has truly. I don't know
17:39 where it comes from but every day, every month we... In fact
17:44 someone said you should go an get you some food stamps. You're
17:48 eligible. I said really. Since you have these children you
17:53 should get you some help. I said I do have help. God helps me
17:58 every day. Wow! So this is just truly a blessing that God
18:03 truly has helped me. He has given me. The kids wear uniforms
18:08 and people have given me uniforms for the children to
18:11 wear to school. So it's truly a blessing when you depend on God.
18:16 That's right, that's right. So tell me some special memories
18:20 now that the kids are with you what are some special things
18:24 that you guys have done, just you and the grandkids, just this
18:27 set of grandkids? And then how do you now manage with the rest
18:30 of your other 10 grandkids?
18:32 Yes, well this past summer I told the children how to
18:41 plant in the yard. They were eating a cantaloupe. Look at all
18:45 these seeds in this cantaloupe. What do you think we're going
18:49 to do with these seeds. Throw them away? I said no let's go
18:54 outside and throw in the garden and see if they grow. We dug up
18:58 the yard and they dug it up and they planted the watermelon seed
19:03 they planted watermelon seed just from the
19:05 watermelons we were eating. They planted cantaloupe and I got
19:09 some tomato plants and we planted upside down because I'd
19:13 never planted upside down tomatoes. So we put them in the
19:16 pot and we planted. They were so many. Every day they ran outside
19:21 to see. I said go outside and see the watermelons, go outside.
19:25 And when they came us they couldn't believe it. The said
19:27 there they are, look I see them I see them. They were so excited
19:31 So they started to growing? They started growing and every
19:36 day they ran out there. It's getting bigger, I see another
19:41 I see another one. And that was very exciting to them. They were
19:46 really excited. And I said well I think they're ready now. Let's
19:49 go out there and pick them. And we brought them in and washed
19:53 them and they just could not believe that this was something
19:57 they had done. They had planted the seeds and they had grown.
20:00 So they just can't wait till this summer. Well what else are
20:03 are we going to plant. We can plant some other things. But I
20:06 have to go and get the man to till the ground now.
20:09 You've got a whole big garden in the back yard.
20:11 They really enjoyed that. And to make things, you know. They make
20:16 things. They take things that are nothing. The lady next door
20:20 bought a refrigerator and it came in this big box. They said
20:24 can I have your box? And she says oh sure. And we got the box
20:28 and so we made a house out of the box and they painted it and
20:33 they. I just enjoy it. It makes me feel, they make me feel young
20:38 I like to sit down just to see them happy. The other
20:45 grandchildren, all my grandchildren except one
20:49 grandchild, another about 17 year old lives in Memphis. The
20:55 other children are scattered all over the place. But I do once a
20:59 year, I've been doing this ever since they were born, I take
21:02 them on a trip. What! All your grandkids!?
21:05 All my grandchildren. You take them all!?
21:07 All of them. Just me and my grandchildren. The parents stay
21:11 home. I have a whole week. I've been doing it ever since they
21:16 were born. I take them on a trip every year. We go somewhere.
21:22 Last year we've been to the eastern shore. You've been to
21:26 the eastern shore. I rented a cabin right there on the water
21:31 and we stayed the whole week. They had a ball. So that's what
21:35 I like doing. That's what I do with all my grandchildren.
21:40 So where are you guys going this year?
21:42 Well we're going to St. Louis. I rent this 12-passenger van.
21:48 I used to just get a van but now it's a 12 passenger. It might
21:55 be a 16-passenger.
21:56 Yeah because you have to drive and there's 12 of them.
21:58 No one comes with you!? No one. Seriously, just you? Just me.
22:03 And you're almost 70 and God gives you all this energy?
22:07 That's right. And I rent the van and this year I'll be going to
22:11 St. Louis, then we're going down the eastern coast. We wanted
22:15 North Carolina, South Carolina and we're just going to just
22:19 drive all around and take in some... Because during the year
22:22 the older ones look up and see what they'd like to see in these
22:27 different states. So we hit all these states and find out what
22:31 they wanted to see so we're going to have a journey this
22:34 time. We'll have two weeks this year. So we're going to have a
22:37 very, I think a very good time.
22:40 I think so too. They're older now. The little
22:43 ones are older so they can enjoy the traveling more and learning
22:49 more. So what's the age difference,
22:51 what's the ages of the oldest grandchild and the youngest?
22:54 My oldest grandchild will be 18, in fact he'll be 18.
22:59 So he can help drive.
23:00 He hasn't got his drivers license although he really wants
23:04 That's something he really wants and I said you know insurance is
23:07 is really high for a male. He says but I really want
23:12 to drive. So I don't know if his parents are thinking about
23:15 getting. His grades are great so they are thinking about it.
23:19 But yes, 18 to 8 years old. The youngest is 8.
23:25 Wow. And do they all get along? Yeah, how do the grandkids get
23:28 along and especially the ones that are with you now? How do
23:32 the other grandkids, how are they feeling about that?
23:35 They get along great. They get along great and they're happy
23:40 because I can talk to them and we talk on the phone and we tell
23:44 them well grandmother did that with me. That's nothing new, she
23:48 did that when I was eight. So they can relate to it and
23:54 they're not jealous or anything. Because I really love children.
23:59 I really love children. Children don't bother me. You know some
24:03 people say how can you have all these children, how can you have
24:07 these grandchildren. They'll drive you crazy. They're going
24:10 to ask millions of questions. I say, I love it, I really do.
24:15 That is awesome. So when you travel what do you do? How do
24:19 you afford to be able to feed everybody, you know how does
24:22 that work out? Well I do like my parents _.
24:26 Because my parents took us everywhere. They wanted us to
24:30 be exposed to different cultures and different places and all. So
24:34 I have a great big ice chest, two of them, ice chests and as
24:38 we travel we stop at the grocery store. We buy food and sometimes
24:42 along the way we barbecue. We put the food in, we get to the
24:46 park and we set up everything. They love it. And I say oh this
24:54 is what we're going to do. So cost wise once a day you get a
25:01 meal at a restaurant. That means we eat breakfast cereal, nuts
25:07 and grains. So once a day you eat at a
25:11 restaurant? Once a day. The whole group? The whole group.
25:14 After that you do sandwiches. You've got double coolers and
25:18 treats and everybody's having a good time. Singing, do you?
25:22 You know, traveling and talking?
25:24 And now that they got older. This one's got this I-pad, this
25:27 one has this and they look at movies and they just have a ball
25:31 but most of the time I do not let them look (at movies). I say
25:34 look at the scenery. This is where we're going. And they
25:38 enjoy it, they really do.
25:39 Wow, Sister Robinson! You are an amazing, amazing woman.
25:45 But I enjoy it. Because no day is the same and that's what I
25:49 like about it. You go to a job and do the same thing. But
25:53 raising children is never the same. And that's what I really
25:57 truly enjoy. I don't know when I wake up in the morning, I
26:01 don't know what that day's going to hold for me. Sometimes
26:05 it holds wonders and sometimes my grandson says Grandmother
26:09 I want to go to school. I say today is Sunday, no school
26:12 on Sunday. But I'm just glad that they're really enjoying
26:17 school and they're learning. And the environment; they're
26:21 really enjoying that.
26:23 What advice could you give to a grandparent or another relative
26:28 that's taking on children in their home? What could you share
26:32 with them as far as what they could expect or how to do it?
26:37 Well the first thing is just take one day at a time. Listen
26:42 to the child, find out what the child's needs are and try to
26:47 incorporate that into that day. Some children they feel bad.
26:51 Children are just like us, human being. They're just little
26:55 people. They have bad days, they have good days, they have days
27:00 they don't feel like doing, just like we. So to just give them
27:05 love. Whatever state they are in that they know that I am
27:09 loved, I'm appreciated, I am wanted. And I think that is the
27:14 main thing with raising children that they will feel safe and
27:19 they'll feel cared about and they want to feel that somebody
27:23 cares for them just like they are. They might be different.
27:28 Just like my grandkids were so far behind at school. She just
27:33 felt so bad that she could not read but to encourage them you
27:36 know and to love them and say I don't care if you can't read.
27:40 I love you just the way you are. And you will learn how to read.
27:45 So give them just encouragement. I think that's the main thing.
27:49 Thank you so much for coming and sharing your story today, Sister
27:53 Robinson. It has just been wonderful to hear all the
27:56 details about what's been involved in taking on grandkids.
27:59 And for those of you at home we thank you so much for watching
28:02 the program today. We hope that it's been a real blessing.
28:06 Clearly, you know, her life has been enriched as a result and
28:09 we know that yours will be the same. With God all things are
28:12 possible. Have a blessed day.


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Revised 2016-03-30