Participants:
Series Code: IC
Program Code: IC180102A
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00:30 Welcome to "Intimate Clarity," I'm Jason Bradley,
00:33 and I'm here with Jennifer Jill Schwirzer, 00:36 and she is a licensed, professional counselor 00:39 and today we're going to be discussing 00:40 a very sensitive topic, but it's a conversation 00:43 we will need to have. 00:45 Jen, what is sexual abuse and how does it affect a person? 00:48 That is a very sensitive topic and it's one that affects 00:51 many, many people. 00:53 Sexual abuse is whenever someone who is in any way 00:57 stronger than another and capable of dominating 01:01 that other - dominates them for the purpose 01:04 of their own sexual pleasure. 01:06 And so it can occur in a lot of different contexts 01:09 at any stage, any age; of course the most 01:12 heart wrenching version of it is the abuse of children. 01:16 So let me give you some statistics here... 01:19 Globally, 7.9% of men and 19.7% of women 01:27 are abused sexually before the age of 18. 01:32 That's nearly 8% of men, close to 10%, 01:36 and almost 20% of women are. So double. 01:39 Abused before the age of 18, now there's a couple of 01:42 qualifiers here... One is that a lot of abuse 01:45 is not reported - it's vastly under-reported, 01:47 and if you think about it, the very systems, families 01:51 and societies where this kind of thing is condoned 01:54 or ignored, are the very kind 01:56 that would not want it to come out. 01:58 And so they would have an incentive to hide it, 02:00 and so there's a lot of under-reporting of abuse. 02:03 And, in addition to that, this is only 02:05 before the age of 18, not including the abuse that 02:09 occurs afterward and it can continue to happen, 02:11 even after the age of 18. 02:13 The only kind of abuse is not child abuse, 02:15 it's a very broad thing. 02:17 So it's quite a heart wrenching problem 02:18 and it's a very, very prevalent problem. 02:21 You know, it's probably under-reported too because 02:25 sometimes these people are probably feeling shame. 02:28 You know, sometimes the victims feel ashamed, 02:31 and sometimes they might feel like they brought 02:34 it on themselves, what is that called, 02:38 is there a name for that? 02:40 Survivor's shame, survivor's guilt, victim shaming. 02:45 A lot of times, the system they're a part of 02:48 shames them when they try to report it. 02:51 Oftentimes they come with an allegation... 02:53 Say for instance, they experience abuse 02:55 within the family, they try to tell another 02:58 family member and they're shamed by the family 03:00 because the family is incentivized NOT to 03:03 believe the worst about, for instance, 03:06 the alpha male of the tribe, so-to-speak... 03:09 So the child will experience secondary disturbance 03:11 when they try to report it, and they'll walk away 03:14 with a lot of "imposed shame" is what I would call it. 03:18 And then they'll internalize that shame, 03:20 it will become internalized shame and they'll then 03:23 carry it with them into their adult life. 03:26 It's a tragic thing. 03:27 That's like a lifelong impact pretty much. 03:30 It can really, really impact a person, 03:32 and it always amazes me, as a counselor, 03:34 the severity of the impact of sexual abuse. 03:38 You know, I counsel a lot of victims and 03:40 sometimes I just say to myself, "Are there any, 03:43 particularly women, that haven't experienced 03:46 any abuse or one of the most often cited statistics 03:51 is that one-third, one out of every three women 03:54 is either sexually abused, raped or 04:01 a violence is perpetrated on them. 04:04 One out of three women? 04:06 Globally, it's very, very common. 04:09 Women suffer a lot of abuse of various kinds, 04:12 and so, you know, people will suffer as a result of 04:16 these things and I'm amazed at how many victims there are. 04:19 And often, I'm the first one to hear about it, 04:22 as the counselor because oftentimes they come from 04:24 families that shamed the victim and I end up 04:28 being the one that's hearing about it for the first time 04:30 and I consider that a privilege really because 04:33 that individual can then just tell their story 04:36 to someone who actually believes them. Yes 04:39 But I'm also amazed at the severity of the effect of that. 04:43 Even if the abuse itself was not severe, 04:47 even if it happened in only an isolated number of cases, 04:50 it wasn't, you know, constant, it didn't continue over years; 04:55 even if it was just a few isolated incidents, 04:57 it will still have a profound impact... 04:59 And one of the things I do as a counselor is 05:02 I accept that, I don't shame the victim for having 05:05 such a severe impact or such severe consequences 05:08 as a result of the abuse. 05:10 So they feel comfortable in coming to you 05:12 and talking to you about it, because you're not 05:14 shaming them, you're listening to them. 05:17 They do. They addressed the issue. 05:18 They do and that's one of the difficult things about 05:21 being a counselor is you believe the person 05:24 that's coming to you because, in most cases, 05:27 they don't have an incentive to lie and typically 05:30 when a victim comes to you, they don't have 05:32 an incentive to lie - they are actually paying you 05:34 for counseling sessions and they need to get something done. 05:38 They need to get through something, 05:39 and so they're very incentivized to work through it, 05:42 and the chances of them lying are very, very small, 05:45 very, very small; however, sometimes in counseling 05:47 you're dealing with a marriage situation where there is 05:50 an incentive to lie, but typically, I'll say that 05:53 typically with victims of sexual abuse, 05:56 when they come to me reporting something that 05:58 happened to them previously, they don't have an agenda 06:01 against anyone - they're just trying to deal with 06:03 the effects of what they went through. 06:05 So what I do is... I believe the victim. Okay 06:09 Even if I don't have concrete proof except their testimony, 06:12 I believe them because in the vast majority of cases, 06:16 the alleged victim is telling the truth 06:19 in sexual abuse cases. 06:21 I also work with dealing with abuse cases in the church. 06:25 I work with various ministries that help to deal with 06:29 this problem in the church and we have kind of a rule of thumb 06:33 that the victim is most likely telling the truth, 06:36 and so we should believe the victim, but at the same time, 06:40 still ask for evidence and still seek evidence 06:43 because there are cases where they do lie. 06:44 Absolutely and you do have those cases, like you said, 06:47 where there are false allegations and you're 06:50 tarnishing someone's reputation and everything. 06:53 Reputation and really ruining their lives, yeah. 06:56 It does happen, but when someone alleges being 07:00 sexually abused by someone falsely, 07:03 there's a couple of things going on that are 07:05 actually very rare... one of them is abnormal psychology. 07:08 Most women and I'll just use women as an example 07:12 because it can happen to either males or females, 07:15 but most - and I would say this is true of males more so, 07:19 don't want to be the one that got abused... 07:21 Like that's not flattering or that doesn't make me 07:24 feel good about myself at all. Yeah 07:26 It's not something I want to be known for, 07:28 and so the fact that they're coming forward with this thing 07:30 is probably not a form of attention-seeking. 07:34 But there is an abnormal psychology that does seek 07:40 attention even if it's negative attention, 07:42 so that can be happening. 07:43 There could also be a vendetta, a history with that 07:46 person where you want to level a playing field 07:48 or settle a score, so you try to take down that person. 07:51 So those are the cases in which sometimes there are 07:54 false allegations, but they are few and far between. 07:57 Most typically when a victim comes forth, 07:59 they are telling the truth. 08:01 Yes, like why would you want to lie about that? 08:02 And I would rather believe them and be fooled, 08:05 than disbelieve them and take the risk of 08:09 re-traumatizing them. 08:10 So I just go ahead and, as a general rule, 08:12 I believe the victim, but I won't necessarily 08:15 go forth, you know, writing letters against 08:17 the perpetrator or anything like that until I have evidence. 08:20 Yeah... Yeah, so that's how I roll. 08:22 But I believe people because they need to be believed that 08:26 they were truly abused, and a lot of times, 08:28 it's amazing - just telling someone your story 08:32 can in and of itself be powerfully therapeutic... 08:36 And just listening to that victim and just 08:39 hearing what they've been through and empathizing 08:42 with them can provide the basis, the beginning anyway 08:46 of their recovery from it. 08:48 Why do you think that is? 08:50 Well, I think that's a very good question. 08:52 I think that human beings are tremendous archivists. 08:57 Look at our history, you know, look at our history books, 09:00 look at the whole study of history and how we've 09:02 kept track of our history down to the minutiae sometimes. 09:06 I think every human being has a drive to archive their history. 09:11 Now what happens when you're history entails trauma 09:15 that you haven't shared with anyone else... is you carry 09:17 that with you and a lot of times when you share that history 09:21 with another person, you can then, in a sense, 09:24 distance yourself from it because you know 09:27 where you can find it, particularly if that person 09:29 writes it down, and I do that when I'm 09:31 listening to people, I take notes and I write it 09:34 down so they know it's been recorded somewhere. 09:36 I can find it if I need to, but for now, I can let go of it. 09:39 And it shows you're paying very close attention too. 09:41 And I care about what they're saying, it matters to me. 09:44 That's right, so a lot of times the sexual abuse scenarios 09:48 will produce very severe symptoms in people, 09:52 and they'll struggle with anxiety disorders. 09:54 They'll struggle with depression. 09:56 They'll have post-traumatic stress 09:58 disorder as a result of it and other mental health 10:01 issues are much more prevalent in the population 10:04 people that have been through abuse. 10:06 Wow! Yeah... 10:07 And so how do they work through those? 10:09 Well, let me talk about PTSD. Okay 10:12 PTSD is "Post-traumatic stress disorder" 10:14 It really shouldn't be called a disorder because 10:16 a lot of times they are just responding to something 10:18 that was devastating, and so they're having 10:20 kind of a normal response to something devastating, 10:23 and some people feel like calling it a disorder 10:25 really stigmatizes the person that has suffered 10:28 this devastating situation. 10:29 So what it basically is... is we think that normally 10:34 when memories process, the person is able to remove 10:39 the charge from that memory, the emotional charge, 10:42 and file the facts about that memory in their mind. Okay 10:46 But in PTSD, for some reason, that process goes awry, 10:51 and the person keeps re-experiencing that memory. 10:54 They're not able to remove the charge and file it, 10:56 so it's thought that the mind is trying to bring that 10:59 memory forward because the person hasn't 11:02 thoroughly processed it. 11:04 So they're basically re-living that experience 11:06 over and over and over again. 11:09 That's right and it's thought that it's the mind's 11:11 attempt to get the memory processed effectively. 11:15 And so that's why when we talk through these 11:18 traumatic events in that person's life, 11:20 a lot of times that enables them to process that 11:23 memory sufficiently to where they can store the 11:27 memory and the facts about it without re-living it. 11:30 And it's amazing, people that have suffered through 11:33 and gone through sexual abuse, will be able to share 11:36 their story and they will often go forward and share 11:38 their story for the benefit of other people, 11:40 and they can just deadpan, you know, 11:42 be telling the story of what they went through. 11:44 I'm one of them, I was attacked by a group of young people 11:48 on the playground and I think I was 12-13 years old, 11:52 and a group of girls attacked me and physically 11:55 and sexually abused me in front of the whole class 11:57 back on the baseball diamond away from the eyes of 12:00 teachers and staff of the school and that was a horrible 12:04 trauma to go through, but I share that, 12:06 I just shared it with you, I didn't feel a flicker 12:07 of emotion because I processed it and I've, in fact, gotten to 12:11 the place where I'm actually grateful that it happened 12:14 because it gives me credibility with other victims. 12:16 I know how they feel and I could tell them I went 12:18 through that and it will give me a little change 12:21 in the bank and they'll feel more confident. 12:23 Absolutely - they will be able to identify. 12:26 That's right! And that's thorough memory processing, 12:30 and that's possible for anybody out there that's 12:33 dealing with post-traumatic stress 12:35 as a result of sexual abuse. 12:37 You can get through this, find a good counselor, 12:40 a good Biblical counselor. 12:42 abidecounseling.com is a good place to go if 12:46 you're seeking biblical counseling and that's 12:49 at least a good place to start. 12:51 And you said it was... abidecounseling? 12:53 abidecounseling.com It's a network, 12:56 a counseling network that I manage. 12:58 Start out with a good counselor and work through 13:01 some of those memories and you can get through it. 13:03 You get out the other end it's possible. 13:05 We'll always be scarred be from these things, 13:08 but we won't always be sustaining open, gaping 13:12 wounds, you know... we want to bind the wound. 13:15 We'll always have the scar, but we'll be able to 13:18 speak through that scar, just like Jesus speaks 13:20 through His scars to us of all that He went through 13:23 to save humanity, so it doesn't have to end here, 13:26 it gets better. Absolutely! 13:28 Yeah, I want to say that to people that struggle. 13:30 And you know, one of the things that I found 13:32 when we were talking about "freeing," like when someone 13:36 shares their testimony they're, like you said, 13:38 they're re-playing it, but they see how Christ 13:41 has given them the victory or how Christ has delivered them 13:43 from the situation - that has a positive impact 13:48 on that person, and is that kind of what 13:49 you're saying as well? 13:51 Yeah! When you bring the God-factor into a sexual 13:54 abuse situation, it turns everything around 13:56 because, you know, Jesus said, "The person that offends 13:59 a little one... and that applies to anyone weaker 14:01 than anyone else, not just children... 14:03 He says, "They deserve capital punishment." 14:05 And sometimes, that's all a victim needs to hear, 14:07 is that God is outraged by what happened to them. 14:10 There's so much more we could... I know! 14:13 But again, I can't wait to talk about 14:15 our next subject. 14:17 Make sure you tune in next time to "Intimate Clarity." 14:20 God Bless. |
Revised 2018-07-24