Participants:
Series Code: IC
Program Code: IC180103A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to sexuality. 00:05 Parents are cautioned 00:06 this presentation may be too candid 00:08 for younger audiences. 00:30 Welcome to Intimate Clarity. 00:32 I am Jason Bradley 00:33 and I am here with Jennifer Jill Schwirzer. 00:35 She is a licensed professional counselor, 00:37 and today we are going to talk about a sensitive topic 00:41 but it's a conversation we need to have. 00:43 Jen, what are we talking about, today? 00:45 The title of our program today 00:47 is Clarity on Relationship Domination. 00:50 What do you mean domination? 00:52 What do I mean by domination? 00:53 How does that affect the relationship? 00:55 So we talked before about how God created us. 00:59 He created this wonderful thing called sexuality, 01:02 and in sexuality, 01:04 one of the most important characteristics of biblical, 01:08 healthy, godly sexuality 01:10 is a mutuality between the partners. 01:13 There was an equality before the fall 01:16 and in a way we are going back 01:19 to that Eden experience in sexuality, 01:22 entering into the secret chamber 01:23 of our marriage. 01:25 And so there is this 01:26 very important characteristic of mutuality, 01:28 and what domination is this 01:29 when one person exercises power over the other 01:33 and control over the other, 01:34 and what I am saying is that's a love killer. 01:37 The point of sexuality is to foster, and build, 01:41 and develop marital love, that's what it's for. 01:44 And as you start to study neuroscience 01:46 and developmental processes and all the things involved, 01:49 psychology and you see 01:50 that God knew what He was doing, 01:52 He orchestrated everything down to the cell level 01:55 to build our capacity for love within the marriage 01:58 through sexuality. 01:59 But what happens with domination 02:01 is you make love impossible. 02:03 So typical scenario we offer is a man comes along, 02:07 holds a gun to a girl's head and says marry me. 02:11 It is just not gonna work. 02:12 Yeah, yeah. 02:14 A kind of a more modern version of that 02:15 or one that we've probably all encountered is 02:18 God told me to marry you. 02:20 Have you ever heard that with the dating world 02:22 and some guy goes to some girl or a girl comes to a guy 02:26 and says, you know, God has informed me 02:29 that you ought to be my partner. 02:31 Oh, really? 02:32 Oh, that's a form of manipulation... 02:33 I'll let you know when he tells me that. 02:35 Exactly. 02:36 It's so manipulative. 02:37 And what it effectively does is it makes it impossible 02:39 for that girl to feel any affection for him at all, 02:43 because control and affection are incompatible. 02:47 They are mutually exclusive. 02:50 So domination in a relationship really upsets 02:53 the delicate balance in that relationship 02:55 that God designed. 02:56 So the reality is 02:57 that our sinful world is obsessed 03:01 with the love of power, 03:04 but the gospel is all about the power of love. 03:09 So we see this opposite thing being manifested 03:12 in the life of God 03:14 that we see manifested in human life 03:17 because we're driven by the principles 03:20 of the enemy of God. 03:22 So we are obsessed with the love of power. 03:25 But God is all about the power of love 03:26 to where 2 Corinthians 13:4 03:28 said that "He was crucified in weakness." 03:32 God, the most powerful being in the universe 03:35 became weak in order to save us and humans, 03:39 the weakest of all creation 03:40 because of our sinfulness tried to become powerful 03:44 in order to save ourselves. 03:47 We are crazy. 03:48 We got it all backwards. 03:50 Yeah, it's interesting too 03:51 because like Christ's strength is made perfect 03:53 in our weakness. 03:55 You know, we have to recognize our need for Him. 03:58 For Him and we have to become weak in that process. 04:00 So we see this prophetically in the Book of Revelation 04:03 where you have a religious institution, 04:05 a religious system, really, 04:07 that pretty much takes over the world 04:10 and the religious system is metaphorized as Babylon. 04:14 Okay. 04:16 And this is, you know, immoral woman 04:17 but it's this religious system 04:20 that is based on power, abuse and domination. 04:23 And then, the counter figure to that is the lamb 04:27 who is really the central figure of the book. 04:29 You know, we make Revelation all about the beast 04:31 but it's really about the lamb. 04:32 Yeah, yeah. 04:33 It's the revelation of Jesus Christ, 04:35 not the revelation of Babylon. 04:36 It's a love story. 04:38 It's a love story, that's exactly right. 04:39 And so the central figure 04:40 of the Book of Revelation is the lamb 04:42 and he is the counter figure to Babylon 04:45 who is all about control and the abuse of power, 04:49 and the lamb is about laying, I mean what's a more fragile, 04:54 humble animal than a lamb. 04:56 And yet, God, 04:58 the all powerful God chooses 05:01 to present Himself as a lamb. 05:04 Yeah. That's mind-blowing. 05:06 Yeah. But He does. 05:07 And so He shows us that true power 05:10 is found in love and self sacrifice. 05:14 So it's impossible for us to love one and another 05:17 without that sacrifice in our sinfulness. 05:19 God himself couldn't love humanity 05:23 without sacrificing Himself and He is holy. 05:26 So that self giving, that humility and self giving 05:31 that really fosters a sense of equality and partnership 05:34 in a sexual relationship is essential to it. 05:38 And we can see some pretty bizarre counterfeits of that 05:43 or abuses of power in relationships. 05:46 One of them that comes to mind is sometimes in marriage 05:50 there is one individual that dominates in the marriage. 05:53 And as I have said before, it's just so important 05:55 that it's a mutual partnership. 05:57 And even, you know, 05:59 the fact that the scriptures enlist submission 06:01 of the wife to the husband, 06:03 which I believe is true, it also enlists the husband 06:05 loving the wife as Christ loved the church. 06:08 And how did Christ loved the church? 06:10 He sacrificed Himself for it. 06:12 He did, huh? 06:13 So it's not an abusive power or domination. 06:15 It's a giving of self to lift up that person 06:18 in servant leadership. 06:19 So one of the text that is often abused 06:21 in an abusive marriage is 1 Corinthians 7:4, 06:26 it says, "The wife does not authority 06:28 over her own body but yields it to her husband." 06:33 Men will take that, isolate it from the passage, and say, 06:37 "I have control of the bedroom. 06:40 It's up to me what happens and when." 06:43 And they will violate their wives 06:46 and their lives in the context of a married relationship. 06:50 But what they've left out is the second half. 06:52 Because the second half says that, 06:54 "The wife has authority over the husband's body." 06:58 So if he could say, "You have to do this." 06:59 She can say, "No, I don't want to do this." 07:02 Because she has equal authority 07:03 and what God is trying to say here is, 07:05 it's a mutual sharing. 07:07 You become so close and so intimate 07:09 in your relationship 07:10 and so willing to sacrifice for the other... 07:12 Yes, and... 07:13 That you are willing to give up your desires 07:15 and your preferences for the other. 07:16 And as men, you know, 07:18 we are supposed to love our wife 07:20 as Christ loved the church. 07:21 Amen. 07:23 And so, really, when you look at God, 07:24 He allows us the choice upon who we want to serve. 07:28 He loves us, He doesn't force us out of fear 07:31 or anything like that or domination or anything. 07:34 And if anyone should we allowed to force people, it's God. 07:36 He is all powerful, He is God, He knows what's best for us. 07:39 Yup, and He created us. 07:41 Exactly, He can come along and say, 07:42 I know what's best for you 07:44 so I am going to force you to do it. 07:45 Yeah. 07:46 You know, it's interesting 'cause some people say 07:48 and let's go back to submission within marriage. 07:50 Some people say, 07:52 "Well, the wife submits unquestioningly to the husband 07:55 unless he asks her to do something immoral." 07:58 I counter that with what if he asks her 08:01 or what if he tells her what to eat, 08:04 what to wear, what to say, 08:07 micromanaging her every move. 08:09 It happens. It happens. 08:11 It happens the other way around too, 08:12 wife on the husband. 08:14 But what if he does that? 08:15 Isn't that a violation 08:17 of a basic principle of freedom? 08:19 If it's someone's... 08:20 Even though he doesn't ask you to do anything immoral per se. 08:22 Who wants to be a part of that type of marriage? 08:24 Oh, but people have to, 08:25 people have to suffer with that. 08:27 And we've talked about, you know, 08:28 when to separate and so forth. 08:30 Another form of sinful domination 08:32 is what's called BDSM. 08:34 Okay. 08:35 Bondage, discipline, sadomasochism. 08:37 This has been... 08:38 This is, you know, domination on steroids so to speak. 08:41 This is a whole subculture where people become so deviant 08:45 in their sexuality 08:46 that they actually construct a method of domination, 08:51 and I don't even want to go 08:52 into the details of how it's done 08:54 because it's just disgusting to be honest. 08:56 But it's all based on inflicting pain, 08:59 putting people in entrapped situations 09:01 and one partner dominating the other, 09:03 that's the whole premise of it. 09:05 And the sad thing about that is that what we do sexually 09:09 actually reinforces any feelings 09:12 that we have 09:13 so if we experience like sexual attraction 09:17 in the context 09:18 of a deviant situation like that, 09:20 we will be sexually attracted to that deviancy in the future. 09:23 We actually develop an appetite for it. 09:26 It's pathetic and... 09:27 Yeah, by beholding you become change. 09:28 You too and by participation in something, 09:31 you start to mould to it. 09:32 So there's a little bit of research about this 09:34 that I've read and people will say, 09:37 well, this is okay because everybody signs on it, 09:40 everybody consents. 09:41 It's just adults having a great time together... 09:44 Doesn't make it right. 09:45 But if you dig... 09:46 Exactly, even if you are consenting, 09:48 it's still wrong. 09:49 It turns out that women are in the submissive role 09:52 in BDSM 75% of the time. 09:55 And it also turns out 09:56 that those who play the dominant roles 09:58 are less agreeable than the average, 09:59 this is a scientific research. 10:01 So I just say, like, 10:03 what if a bunch of mean spirited men, 10:04 you know, are dominating women 10:06 and what's new about that, you know? 10:07 Yeah, yeah. 10:08 That's terrible and I don't care 10:10 if the woman said it's okay 10:11 because they are not thinking straight 10:12 if they sign on, anybody that signs on for BDSM. 10:15 Yeah, 'cause you see that the reverse of it too, 10:17 you see the woman being the dominaterics... 10:20 It does happen. 10:21 And the man, you know, being dominated or whatever 10:24 and that's whole weird... 10:26 It's just weird. It's weird. 10:28 Everything that, you know, comes out us these days 10:31 through the media about sexuality, 10:34 pretty much everything is just weird like you said. 10:38 Yeah, and I am not analyst to say it. 10:40 See the enemy can deviate. 10:42 He can't create. 10:44 God is the creator. 10:45 He creates this beautiful model of sexuality 10:47 and it's so perfect in its design, 10:50 and the enemy gets jealous and frustrated 10:53 that he can't do that. 10:54 So what he does is he takes God's design 10:56 and he twists it and he deviates it, 10:58 and he is constantly coming up with new deviations. 11:00 But you know what? 11:01 I am not impressed by that. 11:03 It doesn't take any kind of brain power 11:05 or capability to deviate something someone else did. 11:08 No. 11:09 You know, it's a form of plagiarism. 11:10 Yup. 11:12 It's for weps, you know. Yeah. 11:13 So I am not impressed by it. 11:14 But he is continuing to come up with new 11:16 and more ridiculous forms of deviancy. 11:18 And no originality there. 11:20 That's right. That's right. 11:21 So how do you feel talking about this? 11:23 Is it, like, are you fainting? 11:25 It's... 11:26 Yeah, my thing is, like, I just... 11:28 I don't understand why anybody would want to behave like that 11:31 and I don't understand 11:33 why anybody would want to be 11:35 on the receiving end of that type of behavior, you know, 11:38 that's not true love, that's not genuine love. 11:41 Why would you want to do that? 11:43 Well, I'll answer that. 11:44 I think that often an appetite for that kind of thing 11:48 is preceded by abuse. 11:50 So what our first sexual experience 11:53 tends to format us and create attractions in us 11:58 to good things or deviant things. 12:00 So a child who is not yet formed, 12:03 you know, emotionally, psychologically, 12:05 and sexually, encounters an abuse situation 12:08 and it's perpetrated on by someone 12:09 that's into that kind of thing, 12:11 they are going to develop an... 12:12 They could, they could develop a total aversion to it, 12:15 they could sustain trauma. 12:16 People respond differently to different things 12:18 but sometimes they can develop an appetite or curiosity. 12:22 The internet can lead a young person to see something 12:26 that's disgusting 12:28 but fascinating at the same time. 12:30 And they can start to expose themselves continually to it. 12:33 Sometimes it's a gradual process. 12:35 And we need to put net filters on all of our computers 12:38 in our homes when we are raising children. 12:40 We need to be vigilant. 12:42 Never has so much garbage been available, 12:46 so readily available to our children. 12:49 Yup. 12:50 Technology is everywhere and parents need to be vigilant 12:52 in protecting their children from it. 12:54 And watch what they are watching on TV. 12:56 Yeah. 12:57 Because even in these cartoons, you are seeing things being... 12:59 Subtle things. 13:01 Yeah, yeah, because 13:02 they are trying to get to the kids. 13:03 I remember watching a Disney movie 13:06 with my children 13:07 and in the middle of the movie, 13:10 there was something suggestive, 13:12 I couldn't believe it. 13:13 I looked at my kids and I was, like, what just happened, 13:17 you know? 13:18 This is supposed to be wholesome family stuff. 13:21 It was shocking to me. Yeah. 13:23 And I think what it's doing is it's the enemy working 13:25 through the media to acculturate people. 13:28 Yeah. 13:29 Children, young children at younger and younger ages 13:31 to things that even adults shouldn't be into. 13:34 He wants to program their minds. 13:35 That's right. That's right. 13:37 So the bottom line is that the takeaway 13:39 is that any kind of dominance 13:41 in a sexual relationship will... 13:43 It's a love killer. 13:45 It's gonna make love in that relationship impossible. 13:48 And God created us in such a way 13:51 that we can only respond in love 13:52 when there's mutuality in relationship. 13:54 So we need to strive 13:56 for that idyllic ideal God's design. 13:58 Absolutely, going back to the divine design. 14:02 That's right. Absolutely. 14:03 Man, this time has just gone by too fast. 14:06 We need to show and tell people 14:08 where they can get more resources. 14:10 So if you want more resources, go to intimateclarity.tv. 14:15 Get your resources there and join us on the next program 14:19 of Intimate Clarity. |
Revised 2018-08-02